Yes, I remember I should be grateful you are not some sort of avenging angel. That was not my particular path to perdition but, as you might imagine, I have known a few guys with similar stories, one quite intimately.
Actually, that was not it. I don't consider that man to have been "gay." He was, instead, human excrement. There is a difference.
I have no idea why I am typing this now. Maybe it is because I find myself in the same general spot in life where some of my assumptions about myself are turning out to be untrue. So, why the hell not?
I know I had mentioned having to discontinue care of my father after his accident. It was something I was positive I would never do. I could not understand how people would could make such a decision. And then it was probably 50 days of coma before I told the doctors to do it. If fucked me up for awhile. There really is not much difference between that decision and killing him. The result is the same. (I'm better now. I don't care. I did what I had to do and dealt with the consequences- and I would not change a damn thing.)
Anyhow, probably within 6 months of that, I was working with a great guy. An ex-gymnast who was kind, and smart, and listened. And he moved to Saskatchewan. I am 90% sure he was gay. If I had not bought a house in this city, I probably would have uprooted myself. I was actually spinning out of control for awhile. (Want to know something funny? That was when I my mother unintentionally confirmed the neighbour.. I told her not to worry- nothing happened. She blamed herself for not knowing that he moved in after getting out of prison for a couple of weeks. And then she watched carefully after she knew. I could not let her blame herself- so I assured her that nothing happened. But things fell into place in my mind.)
Anyhow, I was dancing on the edge. And IF I was correct that Paul was gay, and IF he stayed in my city, I can honestly say that we may have had some fucked up relationship. I mean, why not? Everything else was crashing down.
And I do not believe that I have told another soul of Paul until now. But it was a narrow escape. Damn him being kind to me while I had been kicked and was down. Predator.