Have you ever had a psychiatric evaluation or considered therapy?
I have had one (1) psychological evaluation--that I know of. (Wink.) Dr. Martindale seemed very competent, he strolled in to the doctor's office through the front door while I was waiting beside it on the inside for my appointment, and at first, from the looks of the oxygen tank he was dragging behind him, and the Karposi's sarcoma he was sportin' like it was fresh'n'hot'n'full-on flown fuckin' in from Paris that morning, like blazin' hot, you know? I could tell he knew a lot about drugs, if nothing else, especially after I heard him talking. Because he was still alive, man, like,
wow, he was like Dr. Krypton Ceeping Ceptick Tanck\A-10/A1A. When I sat down for my appointment, I was shocked--because, as you all know,
I am an idiot--I
didn't even pause to wonder if he might be The_One who I was scheduled for. It
didn't even cross my mind. When I realized that the last five minutes I had been thinking mildly, off & on, about some poor schlubb I had just seen and mistaken for "a_patient," This_Fuckin'_Guy had been thinking about ME. Hi. No, I won't click away. I won't quack it up either, but at that moment, I rather wished that I could, and I realized that I had -no chance- to hide anything from This_Doctor_Not_Quack.
And, I didn't. I rather enjoyed the experience; who wouldn't like to talk about oneself exclusively, while being attended to safely in a warm and comfortable environment? If you guessed, "You, Jackstar, D.O.M.B.", you'd be right. I had hoped that when I got the report back to read for myself, it would be helpful, and it really wasn't, as this happened in the time before my nasal malfunction had been identified and treated. So the data is totally out of date. I need a new one. I was planning on getting one this year! Okay, well, duh: thanks for interrupting my creative flow. You sure showed me.
Why do you suppose you are so unappreciated and unloved?
I deliberately tanked my reputation--seemingly on a global scale-- at a young age in order to prevent great embarrassment falling to others. (Also it afforded me the opportunity to not have to interact with people I simply preferred not to associate with anymore.) Lest one think this is an unlikely scenario, I can assure you, that kind of shit happens all the time, all over the world. As it happens, I would consider the maneuver a spectacular success, and as I have survived many, many years now with my virtue largely intact, though not my pride, and I now possess all the information I might ever need in order to speak for myself in defense of any of my alleged actions of the past before any Court of any civilized society, should one ever present itself.
Why do you keep on attacking and threatening almost everyone?
I am not. Someone is impersonating me and behaving in ways that, over time, have made the whole half of the world that I might have once gotten along with, artificially disgusted by me, and the half that I am naturally disgusted by is of no interest to me to go so far sacrifice my core values in order to keep up a pretense of "natural life."
I defy you to produce any examples of myself be attacking anyone at all. Further, I defy you to find me even one person who thinks of me as "threatening." I am a goddam teddy bear. Fuck you. There, right there, is that an "attack?"
Has it occured to you that your salacious and defamatory questions about behaviors that I have not demonstrated, might be considered "hostile" if you weren't oblivious to the fact that you can't really be taken seriously? There is no family of 5 that loves me and has been terrorized and/or abandoned and/or stalked by me. Catholics In America are just using stock footage and clip art to promulgate the notion that I am behaving in some untoward way.
The fact is, the simple fact: I'm lazy. I am shy. I don't have any connections to society: AT ALL. Consequently, I can be used as a drop-in cardboard cutout player on any stage at any given time, whoop. And I will never be likely to notice. And if I am, I probably won't grasp the full significance of whatever it is that I'm seeing. And if I were to, why would I bother filing a report? I don't like doing work. Sob, bluh, so lazy.
So I've built up great deal of cruft on my name so far. Kinda impressive, really. I didn't really want that to happen, I just knew that it would be an inevitable result when I saw myself being isolated and ostracized and relentlessly harassed by every social group I've ever been even tangentially approached to be along side of for a minute. "Hi, my name is"--*crash* Wagons or cannelloni, take your pick. It's gotten so I don't even care. Obviously I can be effective with imaginary friendships for as long as necessary if I am simply left alone, so, you might as well do that.
Except of course that astral love connection DVR.
It wasn't a connection. It was an assault. He found vulnerabilities and he exploited them and that he became crushed like a bug by my response after he pushed things too far one too many times doesn't make it a "love connection." Frankly, your insinuation bore me.
I can't even be bothered to figure out what you might be imagining about it. I'd just as soon simply ignore you. And, were it not for your ilk and his ilk, I would have left this place long long time ago.
