When is your next podcast dropping?
Tell you what, here's a teaser preview: “some time after I put on some pants,” because not only did I drop the majority of this text today from and on the shitter, I did it while shirtcocking it, which is something that Shakespeare can never claim, not as long as Francis Bacon still wants to be called a “sir.” Bacon.
Frank Bacon. What a nicely unassuming name for a revolutionary war hero with a name that sounds like it came straight out of Central Casting for the Royal Shakespearean Stage Co., who, by the way, have a certain excellence and reputation for their craft.
FU Bellgab. REAL AMATEUR HOUR. Yeah, that's you. All of all y'all... a bunch of fucking baby-ass fucking toddlers, and don't think for a minute I chose those adjectives in the wrong order. People know what you're all about.. which has undoubtedly, until this very moment, made my association with you somewhat... suspect. but no, really, it's quite simple: until recently I was the only one who deserved the honor of the
coup de gras, obviously wildly overdue, but these things need to be taken seriously, and they
need to be
coordinated. Do you have any idea how many people want the bounty on your asses? Even Grapefruit Booty can't be calculated that high in human mathematics... and she's obviously
Prime Accomplice! (Yeah, I bet you people didn't like me... well, how you like me
now? I haven't gotten laid in over a year, I haven't had a cigarette in I don't know how long, my hand is broken, I can't get any decent spell components to save my life... and I haven't even gotten started until today... saving my life that is. Trust me, I don't need spell components to do it, but the bottom line is this: if I start setting things on fire without a viable way for me to have purchased any flash paper, people are going to come to two conclusions, one I know how to make flash paper, and two have been lying about being a chemist, and they'll never think to think three:
I AM THE FIRE THAT SETS THE PAPER A-BLAZE.(I didn't set out to become a pacifist Sourceror—I set out to annihilate every single rival I would ever meet for the entirety of the rest of my days on this misbegotten rock, and this was simply the most stylish way to do it. I look badass,
non? And I'm humble, too... too bad I can't cook: want to teach me? Yeah, sure you do,
Eileen.) /groan
“Jack Bacon.” Yeah, not going to fucking see me taking on that moniker, you can count on
that. pound piece of Shalom pie, o u t
