Author Topic: TWLEB — 00019.5  (Read 8289 times)

Re: The World's Least Eligible Bachelor - Six Month Rundown
« Reply #15 on: June 25, 2022, 02:39:22 AM »
You all try to bring down once thriving sites by trying to make them into your personal journals.

OBJECTION: “All”? Methinks the talking condom doth protest too much.

SUBSTANTIATION: I never even heard of “The Fantastic Forum” until it was already gone... and obviously, I would have thrived there; so I wondered why nobody invited me. (I no longer have to wonder: S.T.B... 4.L.*gulp*) and I certainly didn't want to take down Bellgab, nor -want- 2a cause any troubles and I didn't cause any troubles:

MK (MICHAEL KUCZI|MORTAL KOMBAT) FINISHES TROUBLES. (I want to be like my Dad when I grow up.)

Re: The World's Least Eligible Bachelor - Six Month Rundown
« Reply #16 on: June 25, 2022, 02:43:43 AM »
OBJECTION: “All”? Methinks the talking condom doth protest too much.

SUBSTANTIATION: I never even heard of “The Fantastic Forum” until it was already gone... and obviously, I would have thrived there; so I wondered why nobody invited me. (I no longer have to wonder: S.T.B... 4.L.*gulp*) and I certainly didn't want to take down Bellgab, nor -want- 2a cause any troubles and I didn't cause any troubles:

MK (MICHAEL KUCZI|MORTAL KOMBAT) FINISHES TROUBLES. (I want to be like my Dad when I grow up.)

You certainly are an adult child, Tony.


Re: The World's Least Eligible Bachelor - Six Month Rundown
« Reply #17 on: June 25, 2022, 06:20:59 PM »
You certainly are an adult child, Tony.

You're on the phone with Tony/A\Azzerae right now.

Re: The World's Least Eligible Bachelor - Six Month Rundown
« Reply #18 on: June 25, 2022, 07:29:40 PM »
You're on the phone with Tony/A\Azzerae right now.

No, I’m not. Wrong again. What is it about you and failure?!


Re: The World's Least Eligible Bachelor - Six Month Rundown
« Reply #19 on: December 13, 2022, 11:51:58 PM »
No, I’m not. Wrong again. What is it about you and failure?!




Dear Tittyslings,

Wow, did you ever get your ass in the wringer. Yet, I got you. Next time, don't bring a shot to a picture fight.... and don't bring a DLP with loads of SD-RAM, you dig?

Bring a CAMERA with LOADS AND ROLLS OF LOADS OF ROLLS of... film. btw, sorry you died that one time, I found out who it was and they're very sorry already and you -will- get an apology. I'm not going to say it wasn't my fault, obviously it was, but... I think we both know that it was better for you to be "found dead" than be "actually dead," which is great, if you ask me. Because now, see? You're quantumly, indeterminately, NEITHER ALIVE NOR DEAD, just like me?

WHAT IS DEAD CAN NEVER DIE. I was gonna save it is as a surprise for our wedding, but, well, surprise! WE ARE ALREADY MARRIED (okay, not so suprising) and, well, it'd have to be a Green Wedding because Red is obviously right out, and... you can't marry green, you have to wanna marry green, and, you just don't. *sigh*.

So anyway, that's it then, birthday officially back on again, and I can probably go a few more days without ruining it. Maybe. Keep my dick out of your daughter? No, that wouldn't ruin the wedding, that would just spoil it... if I -didn't- fuck her. And you know how I AM THINKING OF.


IT;TLS-e;MJCGK-g;afs;ALF: Sunshine, if you only knew. These two retardo Bonobos could have dismantled the DEA through straight up ritualistic torture and murder SEVEN YEARS AGO.... they're doing it this way just to be nice. Except re-branding meetings in coming months, and I expect that you stop---YOU ALL STOP--- misusing the Exotic Tech you have been given... because honestly, I just can't even. You should all be ashamed, and DEA sucked anyway, there is something better coming.

Something wonderful. I'd tell you all about it, but, I just came here for a peek, as I forgot what this thread was, and now that I remember that I am actually JALF right now--wired, weird, and fully not-fujnctional very welll but I do lots of beta tests unknowning so this doesn't surprise, ask me alter how this finger is supposed to be a tentacle is anyone's guess, but makyb taht'ds whyI don't wear this ring usually. WOw.
 
JALF. Hrrm. I'll think it over, said the suddenly even-less-eligible bachelor with a crick in his NECK and his ASS but at least the THOR, A SICK vertebral HAMMER is working. Got that? Okay, I'm going to be in the bathroom looking for more alien body parts. (I'm not scared, I keep telling myself. Usually it works.)


It's not "the meth." it's the "crystal meth," dumbasses. you Humbleoids just don't even know the pressures a diamondback like me has to go under, do you? Well, there's a taste.

Now I'm getting chemcial formulas downloaded into my visual cortex. Thanks, Bellgab. I guess they're gonna unban me. Awww, that's sweet, and just in time for them to come by and fix dinner. IN MY KITCHEN. ON MY FLOOR. FLOORS YOU COULD EAT OFF OF.



NOW. PRETTY PLEASE. WITH SUGAR ON TOP. CALL ME AND GIVE ME THE FUCKING ADDRESS of the closest elementary school for human children who do not read so good AND ARE NOT CLIQUES, OR YOU WILL COME TO FIND OUT THAT I HAVE WAYS OF CONVINCING HER TO MAKE YOU SORRIER THAN YOU CAN EVEN IMAGINE. AND THAT IS ON TOP OF WHAT I AM ALREADY GEARING UP FOR. NO, NO, NOT NEEDLES.


VISINE SQUIRT GUN, MOTHERFU--*kike* Ooops. Typo. Fix it youself, Wrencher, use one of your little fuckin pipes with their little fucking tools that you wrench around to fucking fix shit, fuckhead. grrrr. LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY:

I DON'T NEED TO FUCK HER, BUT I DON'T NEED TO NEED TO HAVE YOU KILLED. AND I AM THIS TH   IS THIS CLOSE. YOU FUCKING HAVE ADDRESSES, YOU FUCKING HAVE REASONS, AND YOU'RE ABOUT TO HAVE A FATWA. ON YOU.

I AM NOT KIDDING, YOU JESUIT ALCOHOLIC KIKE-ASS-KILLING CUNT FARMER, I KNOW WHAT SHE DOES NOT, AND IF YOU PUSH ME ANY FURTHER, I WILL EXPLAIN IT, NOT IT, I WILL EXPLAIN CUNTFARMING--TEXAS BATTALION STYLE--TO THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD.

AND THEN: ALL THE PLANTS WILL DIE. FINE BY ME, HEY? YEAH, I AM PRETTY PISSED, THIS IS NOT FUN, AND I WILL BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH YOUR OWN BASEBALL BAT AND THEN PAY YOU THE BOUNTY ON YOUR OWN DEAD ASS INTO YOUR OWN CRYPTO WALLET FROM YOUR OWN CRYPTO WALLET AND THEN GO BACK IN TIME TO CONVINCE YOU TO BUY A HIT, JUST TO GIVE TIME CORPS THAT MUCH MORE OF YOUR OWN DICK TO CHEW ON. GRRRRR.

(Nice curse, (PROMA). I mean, that is fuckin' diabolical. Kudos indeed. Can we adopt A? Pleeeease?) Nope, sorry T: she doen't want a baby, she just wants to stay at home and fuck and take drugs all day while playing with numbers. Shrug. Hey, suits us, right? You decide. Xoxoxen (sorry about ThaT one TTToo. oh Alli says hi. Jesus how many exes want me back and are you gonna catch them all? *click*)


She says she wants them all. What? She wants them ALL.

& I, 4SON, am happy to go along. Kuczi4 out

Re: The World's Least Eligible Bachelor - Six Month Rundown
« Reply #20 on: December 14, 2022, 12:01:18 AM »

Dear Tittyslings,

Wow, did you ever get your ass in the wringer. Yet, I got you. Next time, don't bring a shot to a picture fight.... and don't bring a DLP with loads of SD-RAM, you dig?

Bring a CAMERA with LOADS AND ROLLS OF LOADS OF ROLLS of... film. btw, sorry you died that one time, I found out who it was and they're very sorry already and you -will- get an apology. I'm not going to say it wasn't my fault, obviously it was, but... I think we both know that it was better for you to be "found dead" than be "actually dead," which is great, if you ask me. Because now, see? You're quantumly, indeterminately, NEITHER ALIVE NOR DEAD, just like me?

WHAT IS DEAD CAN NEVER DIE. I was gonna save it is as a surprise for our wedding, but, well, surprise! WE ARE ALREADY MARRIED (okay, not so suprising) and, well, it'd have to be a Green Wedding because Red is obviously right out, and... you can't marry green, you have to wanna marry green, and, you just don't. *sigh*.

So anyway, that's it then, birthday officially back on again, and I can probably go a few more days without ruining it. Maybe. Keep my dick out of your daughter? No, that wouldn't ruin the wedding, that would just spoil it... if I -didn't- fuck her. And you know how I AM THINKING OF.


IT;TLS-e;MJCGK-g;afs;ALF: Sunshine, if you only knew. These two retardo Bonobos could have dismantled the DEA through straight up ritualistic torture and murder SEVEN YEARS AGO.... they're doing it this way just to be nice. Except re-branding meetings in coming months, and I expect that you stop---YOU ALL STOP--- misusing the Exotic Tech you have been given... because honestly, I just can't even. You should all be ashamed, and DEA sucked anyway, there is something better coming.

Something wonderful. I'd tell you all about it, but, I just came here for a peek, as I forgot what this thread was, and now that I remember that I am actually JALF right now--wired, weird, and fully not-fujnctional very welll but I do lots of beta tests unknowning so this doesn't surprise, ask me alter how this finger is supposed to be a tentacle is anyone's guess, but makyb taht'ds whyI don't wear this ring usually. WOw.
 
JALF. Hrrm. I'll think it over, said the suddenly even-less-eligible bachelor with a crick in his NECK and his ASS but at least the THOR, A SICK vertebral HAMMER is working. Got that? Okay, I'm going to be in the bathroom looking for more alien body parts. (I'm not scared, I keep telling myself. Usually it works.)


It's not "the meth." it's the "crystal meth," dumbasses. you Humbleoids just don't even know the pressures a diamondback like me has to go under, do you? Well, there's a taste.

Now I'm getting chemcial formulas downloaded into my visual cortex. Thanks, Bellgab. I guess they're gonna unban me. Awww, that's sweet, and just in time for them to come by and fix dinner. IN MY KITCHEN. ON MY FLOOR. FLOORS YOU COULD EAT OFF OF.



NOW. PRETTY PLEASE. WITH SUGAR ON TOP. CALL ME AND GIVE ME THE FUCKING ADDRESS of the closest elementary school for human children who do not read so good AND ARE NOT CLIQUES, OR YOU WILL COME TO FIND OUT THAT I HAVE WAYS OF CONVINCING HER TO MAKE YOU SORRIER THAN YOU CAN EVEN IMAGINE. AND THAT IS ON TOP OF WHAT I AM ALREADY GEARING UP FOR. NO, NO, NOT NEEDLES.


VISINE SQUIRT GUN, MOTHERFU--*kike* Ooops. Typo. Fix it youself, Wrencher, use one of your little fuckin pipes with their little fucking tools that you wrench around to fucking fix shit, fuckhead. grrrr. LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY:

I DON'T NEED TO FUCK HER, BUT I DON'T NEED TO NEED TO HAVE YOU KILLED. AND I AM THIS TH   IS THIS CLOSE. YOU FUCKING HAVE ADDRESSES, YOU FUCKING HAVE REASONS, AND YOU'RE ABOUT TO HAVE A FATWA. ON YOU.

I AM NOT KIDDING, YOU JESUIT ALCOHOLIC KIKE-ASS-KILLING CUNT FARMER, I KNOW WHAT SHE DOES NOT, AND IF YOU PUSH ME ANY FURTHER, I WILL EXPLAIN IT, NOT IT, I WILL EXPLAIN CUNTFARMING--TEXAS BATTALION STYLE--TO THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD.

AND THEN: ALL THE PLANTS WILL DIE. FINE BY ME, HEY? YEAH, I AM PRETTY PISSED, THIS IS NOT FUN, AND I WILL BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH YOUR OWN BASEBALL BAT AND THEN PAY YOU THE BOUNTY ON YOUR OWN DEAD ASS INTO YOUR OWN CRYPTO WALLET FROM YOUR OWN CRYPTO WALLET AND THEN GO BACK IN TIME TO CONVINCE YOU TO BUY A HIT, JUST TO GIVE TIME CORPS THAT MUCH MORE OF YOUR OWN DICK TO CHEW ON. GRRRRR.

(Nice curse, (PROMA). I mean, that is fuckin' diabolical. Kudos indeed. Can we adopt A? Pleeeease?) Nope, sorry T: she doen't want a baby, she just wants to stay at home and fuck and take drugs all day while playing with numbers. Shrug. Hey, suits us, right? You decide. Xoxoxen (sorry about ThaT one TTToo. oh Alli says hi. Jesus how many exes want me back and are you gonna catch them all? *click*)


She says she wants them all. What? She wants them ALL.

& I, 4SON, am happy to go along. Kuczi4 out

Is this a bad time to ask you if I can borrow your grill? Rubin and I are doing a big-dig Texas cookout this upcoming weekend, and I need more cowbell.

Thanks, IR

Is this a bad time to ask you if I can borrow your grill? Rubin and I are doing a big-dig Texas cookout this upcoming weekend, and I need more cowbell.

Thanks, IR

GOOD NEWS, CHUM. YOU JUST MADE PUBLIC ENEMY LIST AT #2: WHOMSOEVER POSSESSES MY WEDDING FORK, THEY'RE NOT DEAD TO ME, THEY ARE DEA-DENIED-DISAVOWED-DROPPED. YOU WANNA EARN BACK YOUR GOOD GRACES WITH ME?

GET ME BACK MY CUTLERY AND BRING ME HIS BALLS. DUST THEM WITH POWDERED SUGAR, TOO, I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING. BECAUSE I HAVE STEPHEN'S MOTHER, I HAVE STEPHEN'S MOTHER'S HORN, AND... I HAVE STEPHEN'S MOTHER'S FAVORITE ICE CREAM AND HER FAVORITE CONE, AND SHE SAYS SHE WANTS HER SON DEAD.

SO I GUESS WE HAVE A CONFIRMATION ON THAT THEN. HANG ON, LET ME CHECK THE SALT SHAKER. (TIME PASSES.) Interesting. Can't find Karen.

Well... it's after dark. My eyes are bad. I'm in a haunted church on consecrated Native burial land. As above, so below me might be the ashes? I'm new around her, I'm not really sure how this works, but trust me on this one: I have some Karen. And if the ashes -were- taken (SHE SAYS THEY WERE BY HER THIEVING BITCH-BABY LOSER OF A SON), well, they'll be back soon. Stealing from me and My Interests usually doesn't pan out well, but even if my Karen doesn't come back, well.... that wasn't Forget-Me-Not_Karen, that was (PROTECTED) Karen, whose name I don't really remember, but I can ask.

In any even, back to you, Sump Pump Pimp. Reach over to the other side of your little couch-cubicle and start pulling hairs out of his soulpatch with a pair of pliers and cooking them off with a blowtorch until he gives up my goddam Fork. I know he fucking has it, his saintly blessed Mother told me so.

(Hi, Bellgab. It's Jack. I am a star. Okay, okay, you got me: I have -a few- friends.)

Oh, and one more thing: you contribute nothing to this forum when you follow me around and make it obvious that you're a twerp. Go follow Stephen. He looks like he could use a few lessons in focusing, and if you want to punch him in his face-shaped anus, so much all the better. He is a -serious- dipshit. He insults women. He abuses himself. He made the biggest fucking mistake of his life when he pissed me off for the first time, and that was YEARS ago.

And he made mistakes #2 and #3, as well as #4 and #5, within two weeks of him revealing his prescence in my life again. And I thought he was dead. I even asked about him. I heard various stories. But that he would won day show up as the dumbest motherfucking gearhead I have ever fucking heard of, EVER, and take me from "vaguely friendly" to "I WILL SERIOUSLY MURDER YOU AND MAKE RUBINI-STYLE LOOK LIKE A TRAINING MANUAL, AND NOT ONLY WILL I GET AWAY WITH IT, I'LL GET A FUCKING MEDAL ON THE 11:00 NEWS, BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS--EVEN YOUR MOTHER, WHAT A LOSER--YOU ARE ONE BISEXUAL RAPIST FUCKHEAD, SO IT MUST BE THAT STEPHEN BASQUETTE, CLAYTON WILLIAM CLUFF, AND BRIAN (PROT) PALMER ARE THE LATEST HERO OF RAPE TRIO GANG-STALKING A-SPARE-A-GUYS UP FOR TARGET BOUNTY, ON THIS: YOU BET YOUR LIFE, KUNT ANDERS DOUCHE.

(That last one is a typo.) It's amazing how the information just flows out, once the logjam of misunderstanding is removed. Now, my advice, Steve-0: just give him The Fork and get down on your knees to write your resignation letter, because I don't know if you have committed any other mortal sins, nor do I know if you have... I am simply just THAT pissed at you. FOR REAL.

PISSED. HUNGARIAN PISSED. THAT MAKES YOU PUBLIC ENEMY #1.

Thanks, IR

Get me 4k well-lit video of him begging for his life and wetting his pants delivered to my Hotmail via anonymous Eagles courier, and we can talk permanent #2 status. I do still need the address, tho. Look, obviously you're making a play for High Heaven here. What can I say? Impressed.

But, your Princess is in another castle. I'd table that for now. Just go punch The Zillah Kidnostad3 Killer ('struth) in the face over and over for awhile, then call me back. I HAVEN'T EVEN ASKED HIS WIFE YET. THIS JUST ALL FROM HIS MOTHER. Wow. She seems to have not been properly... honored.

No wonder I was given her ashes, and I can see why she might have preferred to be in the ocean.. but I had other plans for my Security System. (Karen, sic balls.) Oh, he doesn't even have them anymore. Pfftt. What a loser. Not just a dopeslave, but a eunuch dopeslave.


YOU: gross.

GOOD NEWS, CHUM. YOU JUST MADE PUBLIC ENEMY LIST AT #2: WHOMSOEVER POSSESSES MY WEDDING FORK, THEY'RE NOT DEAD TO ME, THEY ARE DEA-DENIED-DISAVOWED-DROPPED. YOU WANNA EARN BACK YOUR GOOD GRACES WITH ME?

[...]

YOU: gross.

Alistair Laird is currently not on the public enemy list at any rank, not because he is immune to that as a Site Operator, but because he has a special deal with his Mommy--she handles his disciplinary actions, and she will for all Eternity. (Those cheeks!) But there is a second addition to the list, IR.

I don't have the resources to start a bounty offering, which is good, because that seems like a fun thing to do, and would likely get out of hand. Anywho, coming in at #2 is: MV.

#1: STEVEN BISCUITS (THE FORK).
#2: Michael "Roller" Vandeven, who has, for the last time, simply pushed too far, one too many times, on the wrong day... at THE RIGHT time. (Don't ask, it's dumb.)


There you go, IR. Go get them. And if you wanted any other intel--any at all, really--you are never getting any, possibly for ever, UNTIL AND AT LEAST you get me My Wedding Fork.

I don't know what you can do about mv, the man is a ghost. However I do know for sure that after that last thing, and after he figures out what it was that he just did, that is -usually- seemingly okay, yeah? Well, something wasn't "okay" this time, clearly.

I mean, I seriously would have choked you unconscious, and I don't care how nice a tie or how padded a seatback you were sitting on, I would have, eventually, found a way to make you pass out. I wouldn't kill you, oh no.

I love you. I wouldn't want to risk the possibility that I couldn't "really" resurrect you. (I can't resurrect that much C++.) But more to the point, I would be making a point.

I'd go for a simple sleeper hold and you'd lose consciousness and then wake up a few minutes later, essentially unharmed. Now, I've never done that, but... oh, I'd find a fucking way, that's for sure. If, that is, we had been in person when, for what I am going to be pretty crystal clear on... is the last time you tell me, with any assurance whatsoever, calm or otherwise... that I did something that I know goddam well I did not do.

"Bring" DVR. Dude, fuck you. I HAVE NO FRIENDS TO BRING, AND BECAUSE OF YOU, I PROBABLY NEVER WILL.


And until you fucked up, I would have picked you FIRST. Let that sink rot in the fucking coy pond; YOU'RE TERMINATED FUCKER

Alistair Laird is currently not on the public enemy list at any rank, not because he is immune to that as a Site Operator, but because he has a special deal with his Mommy--she handles his disciplinary actions, and she will for all Eternity. (Those cheeks!) But there is a second addition to the list, IR.

I don't have the resources to start a bounty offering, which is good, because that seems like a fun thing to do, and would likely get out of hand. Anywho, coming in at #2 is: MV.

#1: STEVEN BISCUITS (THE FORK).
#2: Michael "Roller" Vandeven, who has, for the last time, simply pushed too far, one too many times, on the wrong day... at THE RIGHT time. (Don't ask, it's dumb.)


There you go, IR. Go get them. And if you wanted any other intel--any at all, really--you are never getting any, possibly for ever, UNTIL AND AT LEAST you get me My Wedding Fork.

I don't know what you can do about mv, the man is a ghost. However I do know for sure that after that last thing, and after he figures out what it was that he just did, that is -usually- seemingly okay, yeah? Well, something wasn't "okay" this time, clearly.

I mean, I seriously would have choked you unconscious, and I don't care how nice a tie or how padded a seatback you were sitting on, I would have, eventually, found a way to make you pass out. I wouldn't kill you, oh no.

I love you. I wouldn't want to risk the possibility that I couldn't "really" resurrect you. (I can't resurrect that much C++.) But more to the point, I would be making a point.

I'd go for a simple sleeper hold and you'd lose consciousness and then wake up a few minutes later, essentially unharmed. Now, I've never done that, but... oh, I'd find a fucking way, that's for sure. If, that is, we had been in person when, for what I am going to be pretty crystal clear on... is the last time you tell me, with any assurance whatsoever, calm or otherwise... that I did something that I know goddam well I did not do.

"Bring" DVR. Dude, fuck you. I HAVE NO FRIENDS TO BRING, AND BECAUSE OF YOU, I PROBABLY NEVER WILL.


And until you fucked up, I would have picked you FIRST. Let that, sink rot in the fucking coy pond; YOU'RE TERMINATED FUCKER

Bwut I wuv you!🥲😭

😡Oh, I'll get that FUCKING fork if it's the last Goddamn thing in life I do!😡

I don't know what you can do about mv, the man is a ghost.

And, now he's a ghost that owns a dilapidated kitchen sink that was used as a dirty ashtray and then thrown into a disused coy pond, and believe me, I do feel better, but not at all by any measurable amount. I'll get some Post-It notes in the morning and stick some that say "Property of Vandeven Enterprises" and "Stolen from Taint Co.--PEEL NO POTATOES" and stick them all over it in the morning. I'll get you some snappies, too. You g*ys love your snappies, yes you indeedly deedly doe-eyed DEW, MOTHERF--*click*


Hi. I'm sad. I apologize for my behavior today, as I don't usually get triggered (over what? heh.) and I was just pushed a teeny-tiny-bit into "MK-ACTIVE" category, which in that case, was simply enough to make me realize that I had to make my point abundantly clear to you, Big Mike:

don't fucking tell me WHO I fucking brought ANYWHERE, ever again, you fucking moron, I don't have any people with names to bring ANYWHERE, that person is I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE, and for you to casually say "now Jackstar, we know you bring David, he's a homunculi in your pocket, ho ho ho," for example... well, that would be cool if I did that, and if I could bring anyone, I'll be honest, it would either be he, or his lovely wife (Blank) "MULTIPASS" Dallas, or whatver that broad calls her self these days, I haven't talked to her in quite some time. (Probably you will hear from her before I do, and it'll probably be to hear something like, "you triggered Jackstar, finally, congratulations, now, here are two envelopes: one has the bounty for First Trigger, and the other contains your severance pay."

She'd wait to see you start to think over the presented choice, and then she'd have you shot through the cranium by snipers on adjacent buildings from obtuse angles upon a signal sent by a wiggled toe in either the left or right (CENSORED:type_of_footwear), coupled with a wiggled, raised eyebrow... because a wink would be far too obvious. Because I assume that she'd be annoyed that you made an emergent dilemma exponentially worse by enjoying my discomfort... and being unwilling to do whatever it took to ensure that you knew why she was so pissed at all.

I assume it has to go pretty fucking far South before a person goes from "Googling cucumber sandwich recipes" to "I'm going to rob your bounty before you can claim it and then use it to plan a MONSTER HIT on you for your much, much larger bounty," but that would have been the progression there. I'll never be the same and neither will anyone who was just witness to that, and as to why, I really can't say. I'm still working out what's been going on with all these dimensional doorway-ripping shenanigans, which, by the way, we would all do well to stop pooh-poohing like Revolutionary War veterans sitting around the fire talking shit about Benjamin Franklin and his kite-flying dreams of electrifying your fucking scrotum, Vandeven. I didn't become a Sourceror that fixes reality fractures for the fame and fortune, and usually, mocking derision is my fuel to working progress. Nevertheless, you obviously don't know shit about bosons and parallel dimensions, and while I bet you -think- you know about how q-entanglements work... SURPRISE ASSHOLE! You'll never learn anything about it from me DIRECT, that's for sure. GO WAY GOY and watch CONTACT again, Jesus, you fat fucking Jew fucking shitholes, do you think I need your fucking bullshit to tell me I can't do something? Oh, wait, I said too much.

Just think. That close, and there it would go, and YOU KNOW WHO I AM TALKING ABOUT. Sorry about that other time. I do guess we -are- even. But there's a big difference between "actual accident" and "DONE FOR PURE REVENGE WITH BLOODLUST IN ONE'S HEART," and whatever your fucking problem is, captain keyboard, if you could have made your point without "openly lying with the intent to assure listeners that a statement is true," you might gotten somewhere, but, dumbass, I didn't get a biobug surveillance implant from David, I got it from your (CENSORED:person_who_does_trix_for_cash) of a... whatever.

And, I fucking killed it. *squish* So, I would assume, shithead, that either now or in the future, your intent was to install YET ANOTHER BUG into my (CLASSIFIED:thing_my_dick_lives_in) and wind me up and send me over to some other fucking place and then you'd get the feed from my optic nerve and THEN YOU COULD BLAME DVR for that.... which would be hard to imagine otherwise than him and I working together to hijack classified surveillance intelligence streams, because there's just no way that man--you know the one, Doctor Who Travels With Jackstar, Right?--would figure out how to use a bio-bug -and- get me to consent to having one installed PERMA-On. N'est-ce pas? (I don't want one, thanks. Twice was enough and I was going to disable it before havijng sex ever again anyway. Fuck you, Charlie, by the way, you backed the wrong horse yet again and why don't you take your latest daughter you've been fucking to the racetrack instead of the casino? Oh, that's right: Horse is a trigger for her -and- you now. Semper fi, Scoobie Doobie DEW.

I don't even know what I am writing at this point, and why would anyone care about this now seems meaningless--it's not like you cost her a croque meisur, except... well, perhaps you did.

She can have mine. clik (p.s.: I might throw my phones into the river, they've been going off all while I've been writing this, and at this point, what difference would reading my messages even make? My phones are hacked, I said I needed a new one, I got one, then it was stolen, and then... well, you can go off to the races for all I give a shit, I'd rather live in a van down by the river--a solid and viable option at this point within what remains of your last 48 hours on this Earth, Punylings.

You have no idea how pissed off I am -still-. At this moment. Because when I hit EXECUTE POST SUBMIT and turn off this computer and pick up either or any of these fucking phones... I will be completely cut off from any friend I've ever had or still have. And I have never had all that many.

I cannot call any of them. All phone numbers go to voicemail, forever. All text messages--blocked or not sent. All contacts on Facebook: lol. FACEBOOK?? yeah fuck you buddy.

Marv killed the last friende I had, and you can go kill him and then yourself too, you dipshit, you're a combat clone, and by morning, the person standing here at this specific GPS location on this SPECIFIC PLANET will be one too. I, JACKSTAR, D.O.M.B., D.O.D.D., I'll be on another planet, because I can't call anyone here or meet anyone at a bar, and I am not a member of any "club."

My house is my spade verify me. It's just me. One person. And I have left it all to you, MV.



If I go outside and never come back, no one will be able to enter unless it is you and you have a dick, so.... I can see what happened to Dragonlord's crystal sword, lol. He was -pissed.- And you would be livid if you woke up here, all alone, surrounded by this filthy shithole.

Because you'd be on another planet, and I would be dead. and I'm not picking up that phone, fucking spam it all you want. It's burnt. See? ANOTHER PLANET, and they have boxcars there too. Okay! That's settled then.


TRIGGER CONDITION: Passed kidney successfully. (Hand still hurts. Would Not_Punch.) By the way, you just killed someone, I don't know who, but trust me, she just figured out she's on another planet too, and no, that's not Original_Flesh, Clone_Whore, lol.

I'll let you figure out the rest while I don't give a shit about pornography, never have, never will, and you can fuckin' file your videos with the library of congress on PLUTO for all I give a shit. Biobug is dead, and she saw it die, and the next one will too--and the first watched her die already. PARTY LINE TERMINATED.


Good show.


Bwut I wuv you!🥲😭

😡Oh, I'll get that FUCKING fork if it's the last Goddamn thing in life I do!😡

I actually don't care anymore--let Biscuits keep picking his nose with it, it doesn't matter, because if it did, you would have given it to her already. Trillian probably traded it for another bat or something. (Deal's off.) Who, by the way, never presented himself nor any real need for the club, so, it's off the table as well.

"For want of a bat the club was lost." Yeah, fork off. There are two safelinks in the world now, and one is bed, and one is the Safeway, twenty miles away, which is going to be where I go back to for the first time in -months.- Care to guess why I altered my pattern?

Then go ahead and and podcast about it for an hour, dipshit, and if you really wanna make a splash, come and bodycheck me at the front door again. Let's see what it really does take to rip off a human thumb.

I'm leaving those fucking phones on until they die. Maybe the smoke detectors will die second. I already watched what died first. I have books to read. I have an actual life, People, and at one time, so did He.

And, now he's a ghost that owns a dilapidated kitchen sink that was used as a dirty ashtray and then thrown into a disused coy pond, and believe me, I do feel better, but not at all by any measurable amount. I'll get some Post-It notes in the morning and stick some that say "Property of Vandeven Enterprises" and "Stolen from Taint Co.--PEEL NO POTATOES" and stick them all over it in the morning. I'll get you some snappies, too. You g*ys love your snappies, yes you indeedly deedly doe-eyed DEW, MOTHERF--*click*


Hi. I'm sad. I apologize for my behavior today, as I don't usually get triggered (over what? heh.) and I was just pushed a teeny-tiny-bit into "MK-ACTIVE" category, which in that case, was simply enough to make me realize that I had to make my point abundantly clear to you, Big Mike:

don't fucking tell me WHO I fucking brought ANYWHERE, ever again, you fucking moron, I don't have any people with names to bring ANYWHERE, that person is I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE, and for you to casually say "now Jackstar, we know you bring David, he's a homunculi in your pocket, ho ho ho," for example... well, that would be cool if I did that, and if I could bring anyone, I'll be honest, it would either be he, or his lovely wife (Blank) "MULTIPASS" Dallas, or whatver that broad calls her self these days, I haven't talked to her in quite some time. (Probably you will hear from her before I do, and it'll probably be to hear something like, "you triggered Jackstar, finally, congratulations, now, here are two envelopes: one has the bounty for First Trigger, and the other contains your severance pay."

She'd wait to see you start to think over the presented choice, and then she'd have you shot through the cranium by snipers on adjacent buildings from obtuse angles upon a signal sent by a wiggled toe in either the left or right (CENSORED:type_of_footwear), coupled with a wiggled, raised eyebrow... because a wink would be far too obvious. Because I assume that she'd be annoyed that you made an emergent dilemma exponentially worse by enjoying my discomfort... and being unwilling to do whatever it took to ensure that you knew why she was so pissed at all.

I assume it has to go pretty fucking far South before a person goes from "Googling cucumber sandwich recipes" to "I'm going to rob your bounty before you can claim it and then use it to plan a MONSTER HIT on you for your much, much larger bounty," but that would have been the progression there. I'll never be the same and neither will anyone who was just witness to that, and as to why, I really can't say. I'm still working out what's been going on with all these dimensional doorway-ripping shenanigans, which, by the way, we would all do well to stop pooh-poohing like Revolutionary War veterans sitting around the fire talking shit about Benjamin Franklin and his kite-flying dreams of electrifying your fucking scrotum, Vandeven. I didn't become a Sourceror that fixes reality fractures for the fame and fortune, and usually, mocking derision is my fuel to working progress. Nevertheless, you obviously don't know shit about bosons and parallel dimensions, and while I bet you -think- you know about how q-entanglements work... SURPRISE ASSHOLE! You'll never learn anything about it from me DIRECT, that's for sure. GO WAY GOY and watch CONTACT again, Jesus, you fat fucking Jew fucking shitholes, do you think I need your fucking bullshit to tell me I can't do something? Oh, wait, I said too much.

Just think. That close, and there it would go, and YOU KNOW WHO I AM TALKING ABOUT. Sorry about that other time. I do guess we -are- even. But there's a big difference between "actual accident" and "DONE FOR PURE REVENGE WITH BLOODLUST IN ONE'S HEART," and whatever your fucking problem is, captain keyboard, if you could have made your point without "openly lying with the intent to assure listeners that a statement is true," you might gotten somewhere, but, dumbass, I didn't get a biobug surveillance implant from David, I got it from your (CENSORED:person_who_does_trix_for_cash) of a... whatever.

And, I fucking killed it. *squish* So, I would assume, shithead, that either now or in the future, your intent was to install YET ANOTHER BUG into my (CLASSIFIED:thing_my_dick_lives_in) and wind me up and send me over to some other fucking place and then you'd get the feed from my optic nerve and THEN YOU COULD BLAME DVR for that.... which would be hard to imagine otherwise than him and I working together to hijack classified surveillance intelligence streams, because there's just no way that man--you know the one, Doctor Who Travels With Jackstar, Right?--would figure out how to use a bio-bug -and- get me to consent to having one installed PERMA-On. N'est-ce pas? (I don't want one, thanks. Twice was enough and I was going to disable it before havijng sex ever again anyway. Fuck you, Charlie, by the way, you backed the wrong horse yet again and why don't you take your latest daughter you've been fucking to the racetrack instead of the casino? Oh, that's right: Horse is a trigger for her -and- you now. Semper fi, Scoobie Doobie DEW.

I don't even know what I am writing at this point, and why would anyone care about this now seems meaningless--it's not like you cost her a croque meisur, except... well, perhaps you did.

She can have mine. clik (p.s.: I might throw my phones into the river, they've been going off all while I've been writing this, and at this point, what difference would reading my messages even make? My phones are hacked, I said I needed a new one, I got one, then it was stolen, and then... well, you can go off to the races for all I give a shit, I'd rather live in a van down by the river--a solid and viable option at this point within what remains of your last 48 hours on this Earth, Punylings.

You have no idea how pissed off I am -still-. At this moment. Because when I hit EXECUTE POST SUBMIT and turn off this computer and pick up either or any of these fucking phones... I will be completely cut off from any friend I've ever had or still have. And I have never had all that many.

I cannot call any of them. All phone numbers go to voicemail, forever. All text messages--blocked or not sent. All contacts on Facebook: lol. FACEBOOK?? yeah fuck you buddy.

Marv killed the last friende I had, and you can go kill him and then yourself too, you dipshit, you're a combat clone, and by morning, the person standing here at this specific GPS location on this SPECIFIC PLANET will be one too. I, JACKSTAR, D.O.M.B., D.O.D.D., I'll be on another planet, because I can't call anyone here or meet anyone at a bar, and I am not a member of any "club."

My house is my spade verify me. It's just me. One person. And I have left it all to you, MV.



If I go outside and never come back, no one will be able to enter unless it is you and you have a dick, so.... I can see what happened to Dragonlord's crystal sword, lol. He was -pissed.- And you would be livid if you woke up here, all alone, surrounded by this filthy shithole.

Because you'd be on another planet, and I would be dead. and I'm not picking up that phone, fucking spam it all you want. It's burnt. See? ANOTHER PLANET, and they have boxcars there too. Okay! That's settled then.


TRIGGER CONDITION: Passed kidney successfully. (Hand still hurts. Would Not_Punch.) By the way, you just killed someone, I don't know who, but trust me, she just figured out she's on another planet too, and no, that's not Original_Flesh, Clone_Whore, lol.

I'll let you figure out the rest while I don't give a shit about pornography, never have, never will, and you can fuckin' file your videos with the library of congress on PLUTO for all I give a shit. Biobug is dead, and she saw it die, and the next one will too--and the first watched her die already. PARTY LINE TERMINATED.


Good show.


I actually don't care anymore--let Biscuits keep picking his nose with it, it doesn't matter, because if it did, you would have given it to her already. Trillian probably traded it for another bat or something. (Deal's off.) Who, by the way, never presented himself nor any real need for the club, so, it's off the table as well.

"For want of a bat the club was lost." Yeah, fork off. There are two safelinks in the world now, and one is bed, and one is the Safeway, twenty miles away, which is going to be where I go back to for the first time in -months.- Care to guess why I altered my pattern?

Then go ahead and and podcast about it for an hour, dipshit, and if you really wanna make a splash, come and bodycheck me at the front door again. Let's see what it really does take to rip off a human thumb.

I'm leaving those fucking phones on until they die. Maybe the smoke detectors will die second. I already watched what died first. I have books to read. I have an actual life, People, and at one time, so did He.

Why are you yelling at me?

You have never cared Mr, Kuczi, and that's the problem.

The functions entrusted to a Municipality under the Twelfth Schedule to Article 243W of the Constitution are as under: (a) Urban planning including town planning. (b) Regulation of land-use and construction of buildings. (c) Planning for economic and social development.

You'd better get used to me, Jacko. Your chicken coop belongs to me now!

I will live there, and I will shit there, and there’s nothing you, or anyone else can do to stop that fucking future manifestation!

Burger time, Bitch!

I will piss with my dick out on your property while yelling howdy-fucking-ho, and not you or Azzerae can fucking stop me!

#RAWR!🐂🔔Baby!


Re: TWLEB — 00019.5
« Reply #26 on: June 02, 2023, 04:24:13 PM »
The Men In Black fled across the Potomac, and Hell's content filed en passant.


---------- Forwarded message ---------
From: Michael Kuczi <ß—PROT@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, May 12, 2023 at 11:11 AM
Subject: Short Story Time


Hi,

I know that you had written back to me before and said things like, "Please stop contacting me," and "this is so cringe," but, I'll be frank: I just don't find these rejections to be plausible. I'm sorry, I just don't.

Yet they are compelling. So, I am at a loss here, and I wrote the following story, not for you or about you or because of you or to you. But I want you to have it directly, because I adore you and everything you do, much more than a pig could ever express to any spider.

You are fantastic, and I don't care what or who you are, you're the greatest hero around to me. I don't think this is a nervous breakdown or a replacement obsession. I am growing stronger every day. I don't know if you get all the texts I sent.. or indeed, if you get any at all. (Fog of War. IDGAF. You are a magnet and I am steel.

(TH3⁷(5Te⁷Ωl_Π|/|/M³dπ'πbΠ3⁴)μ)c²•6⁹÷11⁹) ∞ !NTER{CEPTED|\|\¡SS¡ON}

The reason is actually You. You actually Are, Actual_¥ou. And if ever there was a time to start filing reports that are "real," well, I just spent an hour or so this morning writing this as a comment on YouTube, and if that doesn't convey the proper tone... I don't know what a proper tone is.

But I know how fast to go, and compared to Wilbur's trotting below, it is positively glacial, and... I like it that way. I am savoring it all. I never imagined that any life could ever unfold the way it is now, and from my perspective, it is the best goddam chain of events, coincidentally unfolding in the best goddam way... *sigh* I do not really imagine anyone could have shared in my perspective at all!

TL:DR; Trust-- THE PLAN. And without my name... it is nothing. It doesn't have to be here. It could be anywhere! I don't even have to have the place sold... wherever I am, The Trust is there. (It would seem that doing things Properly has been a very wise course of action for me in all this.

I don't yet know if I am any more wise than this: I want to be where you are, whether there are autocannons on perimeter defence or not. I don't know how long all this boarish nonsense is going to last...

I do know I always will. These Court officials probably did not see any of this coming, and nothing has stopped it. NOTHING. What has stopped things here: toxic mold, increasingly emboldened vermin, and NO CONTACT, especially and really only with you. (I think the rodents were deposited by clandos. However they got here, though... they are setting up shop, and I'm, uh, kinda... scared. I legit don't really know what to do... but whatever I do, it will be sultry.)

Though, I have decided to hold off on getting any cats. I wrote last night that I was going to, but, hehe, I write a lot of macabre content, and the material that is boiling out of the subconscious cannot be only all me. I just like the sound of it. Yet some of it turns out to be from fallen angels and long-dead revenants. Now, I may be high--a little bit--but I am not *THAT* high, lol. And by now it has been observed that I don't really have any kind of history of violence at all. Unless guerilla ontological warfare counts as violence. I don't think it does. Here's what I think is violent: my cell phones, relentlessly hacked. My content, largely left with no engagement. My timing in releasing this information: clearly orchestrated by The Divine. If it were just me, I'd have wandered on to other projects. It's not just me--I am getting Art pumped in through IOT reciprocal carrier wave from the surveillance... and it is mostly inaudible, but it is compelling nonetheless.

It's not just all noodles, Mikey. There's some pimentos in there too. And, I'm doing what Nostradamus did. I love it so much I almost don't care if it is effective at doing anything at all except entertaining us.

I have qualms about online communication. It is what it is. But these rodents that suddenly showed up last night, uh... like, something needs to be done, and my imagination led me to filling Templeton the Rat full of holes. "Keep the change, ya filthy animal."

YOU are not filthy. YOU are JOY to Me. And I have no idea what to make of what has happened to my comms. But I do know this:

I don't have any autocannons. But what I do have, is that I have a passion for the truth.

And, for YOU. /shuhshhshs shy :) Thank you so much for everything that you do, especially the way it doesn't even matter why you say or do anything that you do or say you'll do. Every morning I wake up, or go to sleep, and I always want to know what is new with you.

I have no need to know. I only have one craven wish: to take this chance that exists now to be close to you.



MEAT-STICK: The Baneful Passing of Mrs. Paul

It hits the nose with, initially--the rank stench of perservatives both harvested and artificed, namely PLASTIC and SEBACIOUS OILS--and then, coming up on the swell of the respirerer... The Ounce.

Fully One (1) Imperial Ounce of hot-hot-hot spices. It's in there--wrapped in plastic. You know it; you bought it; you unwrapped it. FIRE.

Artificial smoke flavor on the whore's iced tongue. As it is absorbed by the sublingual glands, as the bruxism-ish motion of one's jaws do their steady, grinding down at the grindstone labor, the nose is once again involved. The spices, freed of their plastic bondage and stiff meat of some brutish beast, it is obvious that this animal was not just a cow. And not just a beast... but a beast born and bred to be manufactured into a product strong enough for a consumer: yet made to be used as motive leverage for the beast that was born to live, to stride across the landscape. Or through the doors of a barn.

Well, how does it taste? To be paired with a dried-out powder of peppers? After being sheared off the bone? How does that feel, do you think... "Mechanically separated meat by-product." Meat... meets meat by-product. Two great tastes... together. At last? Did not the meat start out together?

Well, not this time, Consumer. Feel the sweat burst from the pores on your face. Pant like an overheated dog as the blend of concentrated vegetable and mineral oils and the flesh of animals who died before you ever new them to have ever been reminds your body of its onw nascent thirst.... and hunger satiated now by PAPER-LIKE PLASTIC and a BURNING STICK of MUSCLES ON FIRE.

In the end... you'll beg me to set all of this up again, just to knock it all down one last time.
This took nearly TWENTY YEARS to produce, folks.


Buckle it up, Bumblebee. Your transformation has already occurred... and, well continue to occur.
Trapped in a burning barn behind a bolted--shut door: TRANSCENDENCE.



But... her fly? "She's too small to be worth much," said Charlotte. "But when she burned up with the rest of them... she shall shine the brightest. Come on, Wilbur, get those little piggy legs moving.

"We've got miles to go before you sleep. That means you, yes you: you've got the trotters, so use them. I'll use what I have: eight arms to hold onto you, hold the map, plot the course, raise the lantern, and man the autocannon. Speaking of which, DO NOT stop for any truffles you might think you would be smelling.

"That's just the scented lubricating jelly I used to slip the guns into your nostrils. Templeton foisted it on me  on our way out, said it might keep you happy. I said it was important to keep me happy. I'm the one who can read and write, after all. He just laughed." Charlotte looked smug, as only a spider who had just ventilated a reprobate Bartertown sewer rat can look... because she had.

Wilbur trotted along silently, thinking of what he had heard Charlotte say to him. He had noticed that she had been hitting her hip flasks pretty heavily--and with 8 arms to hold a standard loadout of 16 hip-flasks, and an optional 32 more with nanotech fully upgrading her utility belt's carrying capacity--Wilbur thought she wasn't really looking like she was aware of what she was saying. Or even, really, in touch with her feelings, hardly at all.

Or even aware that she had just murdered Templeton The Rat in stone cold blood. In the back of the basement of a burning barn. Left in a puddle of sticky, nearly boiling rat's blood, adhering like a puddle of melted Big Red chewing gum, a nasty sauce to accompany a nastier puddle left behind, a murdered rat with absolutely no stick left to swing it around by.


There would be no whitewashing of the fences back at Fern's farm, Wilbur surmised. That place was already scorched earth--there would be nothing left by dawn's light but cinders and mourning ash. "Charlotte?" Wilbur asked timidly, the non-stop pacing of his trotters only trembling slightly as he dared disturb the spider who rode his back, as he knew that she was certainly imbibing from one of her hip-flasks again.

HE had thought about asking for a nip for himself, but he knew better by now. Charlotte had grown hard from her time in an Afghanistan prison. She refused to talk about how she even got out of there, let alone, why she was arrested. Wilbur was so glad to see her, and didn't stop to consider how severe her trauma must have been. When he asked her for some of her liquor and followed it up with a joke about how many paid o f handcuffs had to have been used on her to take her into custody, she nearly sliced his curly-Q tail off while she played mumblety-peg with it, telling the story over and over again while alternately stabbing at his tail she had pinned up against the barn's east wall and sobbing hysterically between gulps of whisky.

He barely remembered. Whatever she was drinking, it was strong stuff--and it got stronger when she started collecting everyone's tears with a little silver funnel. It was a cute sight, really... but Wilbur knew the truth. Alchemy was dangerous and fraught with forbidden occult knowledge, and Charlotte, by the time she came to Wilbur with a dozen or so mostly-full of what she claimed was "Afghani Whiskey," and then cackled  with forced glee, was pretty obviously in the midst of a server emotional crisis. She started calling herself "The Harvest of Sorrow" while drinking an intoxicating concoction that appeared to be made up of the ichor of insects, the blood of whatever thin-skinned mammals were closest to spinneret and fang, and the gushing, overflowing tear ducts of Mrs. Paul. They had found her first. That was the first sign that events on the farm were turning bleak, and were likely to get bleaker.

"Charlotte, how do you think Mrs. Paul was killed?" Wilbur had been afraid to ask. He had barely known the woman. She had seemed nice enough. Some friend of Fern's mother. She didn't think much of swine, which was only fair: until he found her corpse sprawled in a collapse within a hastily marked pentagram in a clearing out in the heavily wooded back forty, Wilbur hadn't thought of her at all.

"I can't stop thinking about how we found her on the ground there," Wilbur couldn't help it. He had to know. "Her clothes seemed torn... and, those tear ducts... shouldn't they have dried up during rigor mortis?" Wilbur had not been around murder before, but he had seen a few episodes of CSI: Miami. He was fairly bright. He was, in fact, Some Pig. "Do you think it might have been... some kind of a bio-weapon?" Wilbur had to admit it to himself: he was afraid he might after caught some kind of disease from the body. He couldn't shake the feeling that something very wrong had happened, and it started as he watched Charlotte fill all her hip-flasks with the fluids leaking from the dead woman's eyes, and it got stronger when he asked if he could have a little lick at her right eye, while she pulled down tears from the left like she was drafting pints in an Irish pub. Or maybe, Scottish, Wilbur reckoned. She had been cursing like a sailor and wailing like a banshee about the pH value of Mrs. Paul's tears, and Wilbur just couldn't stop himself. *He had to ask,* and Charlotte was his friend, and she was a spider--she knew a lot about death, and he chose to cross the border into the shadowlands of knowleldge, to ask and to learn what she knew.

He thought she might have killed her somehow. After she finally answered, "She was a bitch. God hated her, and she was fated to die. That shit happens, Willbur," he came to accept the truth.

Charlotte was damaged goods. Learning that she had procured twin gatling gun autocannons somehow and then installed them in his nostrils without even asking confirmed that much. But she said the guns were for perimeter defense, and they had to be on the move, so... his nose was the only viable option. And, she didn't wake him.

She said she did not want to spoil his dreams, and took another swig from another hip-flask. Wilbur thought about this as he trotted onward into the night, and although he had sometimes imagined what it would be like to run away with Charlotte... he never imagined it would be like how it was at all.

He had thought there would be more banter, and that it would be sultry. Instead... it was shattered dreams under a grim and foreboding, nearly invisible sky. And then, Charlotte began to dry heave, and left spattered droplets of her own bile and the tears of Mrs. Paul in the wake of their passage.

Wilbur said nothing. Best to let her get her own poison out. Besides, how was he to know? Perhaps the vomiting was part of the alchemy. He was just a pig, but he was a smart pig, and he knew his place.

It was with Charlotte, and it crossed his mind and never left his heart that she had hoped he would live, and she would be resigned to die. He decided then and there, that he would die with her, and carry her through the gates of Hell if that's what it took to make her stop puking... and just then, the clouds broke enough to let in the moonlight, and the forest lit up with a glow that was almost, but not quite yet, sultry.

Wilbur trotted faster. Terrific, yet humble. He was moving well through the country with his 8-legged lush, dry heaving passenger, and thought that no matter what... this had to be better than being made into bacon.


MCK



CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: The information contained in this ELECTRONIC MAIL transmission is confidential. It may also be subject to the attorney-client privilege or be privileged work product or proprietary information. This information is intended for the exclusive use of the addressee(s). If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any use, disclosure, dissemination, distribution (other than to the addressee(s)), copying or taking of any action because of this information is strictly prohibited. Trust the plan. #wwg1wga



Why are you yelling at me?
[...]
#RAWR!🐂🔔Baby!

YOU were yelling. I was asking you why you were — the phone rang, it was your number, and I heard nothing from the person who called... except lots and lots of ear-splitting screaming in furious, incoherent rage. It was awe-inspiring. (I didn't really know you cared until then. awwwwww!) And yet, I felt nothing but mild, puzzled amusement... did... did... D.I.D. something happen?? Was there... something you would have liked to tell (me/the person you thought you had been talking to\someone I could have just as easily... taken a message for|could I have helped you out with a text instead)? Oh, that yelling... I wish I could say that I still think about it while climaxing, but sadly, no: only while you do.

AND: We Both (²) Know Why.

ALSO: ¡JAZZ! ¡HANDS!


Code: [Select]
Quote from: Innerreach on December 13, 2022, 09:50:53 PMThat time-&-date-stamp is 🐂💩
and WE ALL KNOW IT.

The World's Lightest Eagle-Bull BULL-A-TEN-BORED - GRIFFIN'S DOOR
« Reply #28 on: June 02, 2023, 11:01:15 PM »
Why are you yelling at me?

Actually I was yelling at your scion, Aziz. (CAMERA ON! LIGHT!!) In reality, YOU called ME--I was calm, practically giggling, because I did not know what had happened in recent hours before then. Though, I had an intuitive sense, that something very wonderful had happened for my Self, and my Self's interest. Let's change camera on s--RA! LIGHT!!

A nice little fact about chat transcripts... when they are examined later, whether it be by a forensic scientist or a common armchair layman or a Trained, Mildly-Psych[ot]ic Private Pindar Investigator, is that it is kind of hard to tell which person is talking --like, with their mouths that they put fish sticks in-- and which person is being represented by a soundboard-wielding confidence man, typing words into a computer and causing that computer, hooked up to a synthesizer, connected to a mixer, plugged into a vocoder, and loopbacked through a virtual machine on a thin client logged into BOTH (2) clouds--Ty-Onese & Uzbekistan-Knee. (Usually NOTwounded but ALWAYServed in a dirty ashtray.) camera off

See? I got your knows/"NO"s\nose. Vandersee. (At last... one of you does.) These little tricks of what is called "tradecraft" are not well-known to most people. I am not most people.

YOU: Innerreach, are not likely the same person today, that you represented yourself to be when I, JACKSTAR, DESTROYER OF DREAMS, HOLDER OF THE SACRED URINAL OF IDGAF; FIRST TO SPRING A LEAK; first began the slow, glacial shift in transition from "One (1) individual, targeted, who reads and responds to forum posts I (or Agents and/or Users who use the "Innerreach" login that YOU (I, Kuczi) know ONLY ME (me/IR) to represent myself as The_One to be held accountable to for the content that is posted there, be it by myself (HIM) or Agents and/or Users under IR (DESIGNATOR DEFINITION: Clas.) namenpolizei: "Matthew (PROT){Simp-Chi-Christian-Imp}") make and have made as far back as ~2003" to "I call you (blanc-KATE-0), and you call me Jacky/Mikey\Junkie, because you know got-damn well, :Boy: in fact, I am not any kind of 'junky' at all!" to... "I talked on the phone with Jackstar via cellular, SMS, Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, and THREE (tree) FORMS OF CLASSIFIED INSTANT-REPLY MESSAGING PLATFORMS (i am_this_kewl) AND I AM FOREVER LIABLE AND LIKELY TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR WHAT I HAVE COMMMUNICATED OVER ARPAnet ON A FEDERAL LEVEL.. to (my\IR/Punybabyling) shame. Shame, shame, shame. I need someone (ELSE) to buy me(HE'S THE ALKY, NOT ME) a drink."


SEAPROTGALTAJ: "Oh. My G-d. Isn't he just dreamy?"
* Jackstar n.A.K.A. (CL-MCK): I AM (not) GOZER THE GOZERIAN... BUT, I TRAINED S\HER/IT'S DAWGS2/^FLEX.


The facts are these: only one of YOU is KateZero, and she is neither catty, Matty, nor Me, nor ewe; and "(Normie) Norm 'NotMe:McKayla' GigagigaRATta I; HAIL! HAIL! She Of The Bodacious Ta-Tas! Even ERIS says 'HAIL! to them titties!!" is one helluva name for the child of one of the D.O.G.T.(HER)'s of Anne Arch(Angel, PROP. OF Char-Me-Use;BURN't)--and, with or without The Key, I hopefully explained to the general reader-shipper-@LARGE what has been kinda going on here. (btw, hi! hello, Actual_Kayla, I miss you too! It's long, long past time to... Consolidate, but they won't let me talk to you. AT. ALL. I bring up your name and it's like I farted in church and made the choir projectile vomit. The J.'s have completely isolated me from their walled-off compound-interest-bearing lifestyle... and the reason is, of course, uh... well, you know. :X /grin /soon)

Here, you are "Innerreach," and to you, that name was gold, and on Telegram--where the scores in Bone U.S. round can really change--you have an account name labeled... "Inner Reach" [




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CAMERON CAMERA ON. REPEAT LAST LAST MAGESTIC-SEVENTEEN COMMANDS. CAMERA FOCUS ONq FNORD. HOCUS (potus) POCUS. PEEK(X,Y). POKE (YYZ,KAMPAMAMIAMSAM-FUPSYMON.) CAMERA ON. REPEAT LAST LAST LAST MAJESTIC-FIVE-IS-ALIVE55 COMMANDS. CAMERA OFF. CAMERA OFF. CAMERA ONi!:00dB!8bOO! 


Kameo appearance by A Knight Who Says "Ni!" arranged for by Karen DF, paid for by "The Carpenter's Living Will and Autumn HAMMERn pHall Trust.el.ELLE.see?CAP.I.C|-|.E?.", and has not been sponsored, suggested, NOR ENDORnor endorsed BY,THE,GRAND,WIZARD,OF,THE,Kclue,kKLUX,URYcliqueKLIKCK,GRAND,WIZARD: Head Bishop, llc. ALL RITES RESERVED, BYT'CHallaSHOCKthunderKHAN.]

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GAB: awwwww, I am really sorry I was not able to set either-Y-orange-ANNIeY of yoU at ease about this kind of thing, I would *never* work for those fuckin' chuckleheads--and if I were to have ever been, I could have set up this kind of bullshit to nab you both and hold you hostage--emotionally, I'm sayin'--without you [i]ever [/i]even knowing how I did it until it were DONE and DUSTBINNED. I am that fuckin' smart, and you had the right to be fearful of my awesome power, but I did not have the ability to defuse that fear, until now, Alpha Beat-a-Chao. Apo'geeeeeeeees. p.s. I would never do that kind of thing, and you know why now, I am sure... because not only am I not an Agent of Shhhhh.I.C.E., I, simply put: HAVE CLASS. These stupid people "ЯR" fucking [i]scum[/i](butt, very tasty).

So there. Now, are you ready for Round II, Big Gulp *gulp* Boy? How about you go brush your teeth, wash your face, read a book on the shitter, Nagger Man-Gman-mang... you wanna be rested up for the Preakness, I reckon'. Y'all doan wanna be breakin' a leg right out of the gate for The Big Game I know you're comin' back now for, y'heah me Boy? Boy? I SAY, I SAY: BOY!

Do you understand the tripartite meanings of the words that are coming out of my mouth? boy? I doubt it, because I'm impressed with the way you've been trained to speak Tripartite Language as if you were fluent in it, yet you clearly are not very, and I know this, because I am communicating this to your through teletype while sucking on five Dorn Cone picks in my mouth. (Feels good man.) 5D reality: FACE IT, JIM SOUTH CORN EARN POPS, I am not gonna be "eligible" for very much longer. I am one goddam two hot brat links sandwich, served up straight off the gril\e and no, thank you, I'm not interested in any deep throating. (No, really. I may be happy, I may be gay, but I ain't happy to know that I don't even know which is which any more; I just want to qualify for the Rainbow Girl licence plates.)


You have never cared Mr, Kuczi, and that's the problem.

It's true, I never voted Republican in California... because I never lived there, nor in Saudi Arabia, nor in any other capitalistic-run-by-pig-fucking-dogs-nation (woof!), which has undoubtedly caused substantial vulnerabilities in various narratives that were put to (FOUL/Fair) Use in Municipal Courts all across the nation! (Awwww shucks.) Do I have to give back any of these Keys to The City I was nEVER (yet) awarded? Nyet! (Trust me, no one wants them back; they've all been used, at one time or another, to dig out my ewepennies out of your ass. Gross? Doesn't even begin to cover it, and I'm gonna be jamming TWO-HEADED GOLDEN GEM-IN-EYE EAGLES out of urmo's ass before I am through with the likes of you -- you, and your ilk, Mister Sister Pfister Missed (HER).)

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I bet you really do have a passport with that name on it, tucked away in a shoebox somewhere--I just like the sound of it, and besides, you must do something with all those boxes as one such as Your Selves are far, far too anally retentive to just leave them lying around, purposeless; like some kind of slothy, loathsomely boorish, lazy Austrian hobo.
Yet... this is not a "Яroplren" for Me, nor for mySelf, nor for EyE iEYEi eeYee oooooOOOooo. (Fuck you Casper; you don't need My friends, fag-g-g-GHOST I ACTUALLY LIKE THEM, ASSHOLE, WHILE YOU JUST *SHOVE* THEM AROUND AND TAKE THEIR SHOELACE MONEY, YOU FIENDISH TRAWLING PIMPMONGERING WHORE FOR STATE-SPONSORED PIMPS WHO MONGER WHORES. [Not my old job -- and, were I to ever have done so, that would have been an avocation.])


* Jackstar triggers an Intersitial!
* Jackstar gives The Penguin a run for HIS money!
* Jackstar laps The Penguin's fat four-eyed ass by a country mile!
* Jackstar doesn't play fair. Jackstar doesn't even get to play. JACK*TAЯs*arJU*T!FU*KING*INS!*HOOA*
* Jackstar slowly sweeps up the trash in his kitchen, in his living room, in his haunted Church, in Fantasyland while an organ-grinder plays a hurdy-gurdy, because I ain't sweeping up Jack for shit, motherfu--*CLIQUE*
* Jackstar welcomes you to Intermission by showing ewe the door. GROYPER GRYPHON DOUR.


The functions entrusted to a Municipality under the Twelfth Schedule to Article 243W of the Constitution are as under: (a) Urban planning including town planning. (b) Regulation of land-use and construction of buildings. (c) Planning for economic and social development.

You'd better get used to me, Jacko. Your chicken coop belongs to me now!

Two things wrong with that: she and I were *never* married (Tribal Council decree: SHE AND I HAVE A COVENANT, NOT A MARRIAGE. It's like a handfasting. (*Bitches: you still get to throw rice.*) Additionally, it's abundantly clear that MySQLl, D.O.G.t.{Her} of Squaw has either been Abducted, Abandoned Me, or Been Kept (But Not Sent) Away. (*Bitches,// make rice pudding for your Master: SHAWSQUA.*) Now, you might be wondering, "how does Jackstar know about all these changes to a CONTRACT that was DRAFTED in another STATE in no_CAlligraphy? It's not even in a script yet." The answer is not that I am terribly clever --although I AM very much AM TERRIBLE, I make Ivan The Lawyer wet his pants-- the reason I know is that I have been trained by Spirit to detect the odor of fresh, HOT-HOT lawyer's HOT urine from literally, light-years away... once even a single droplet lands on any of either kind of pastry--donut or doughnut.

You must think I'm just pulling your leg, or delusional, or taking the piss. Nope, that's what the pastries are for. The simple fact of the Matt(ER) is simply this, ?ATTY: I really am a Doctor (though, not a Medical Doctor), I really am a Sourcerœr (though, not a Sorcerer, praise G-d), I am in fact A. Titan (though, you won't really notice much difference until B.NE Umagick.Ssilver. Round, when by-lines are settled and scores can really change), and I am, at present, holder of the rank of Knight-Captain-Templar... but I may not act officially in that capacity --#Officially-- as I can't find a mate while holding both "Titan" and "Templar" in my Title; Trust me, iT's in The Teatzen' Tittlesrules. (Obviously, Ladies: I need a hard-fuckin'-won fucking (1) one. Capiche? Don't bother to agree; just stripping the varnish off that burning barn door, bolted shut with LIGHTNING BOLTS.) Time t'was, tentpole traders & their tots tell the tale to me (tome: TO ME), that to twerps that told themselves, "to tell the truth, that token teller's third tscion is hot enough to tuck into Ted..." they tended to tear themselves to TIECES. (T'shaka, t'wen the tornado *tulp* shaT their trains through their tunnel to their terraced targeting range, which served nicely as a breakfast nook until they talked a little t-t-to-too-2much-shiT, tu es knowest what I am sayin, 'Tardner?)" tended to not get another chance to legitimately serve as a A. Templar. (The perks are awesome; just the fuck up, of course it looks silly, on you, more on.

(There can be such a thing as too much T -- especially when one is under-capitalized. Standards.).)

Now, I know this all reads like total bullshit, and woe to any who try to get a voice recognizer to read that mish-mash of puree-pablum out loud to see how it sounds. (Security. Complex security, SHIELDS. Psychokinetic SHIELDS. And amongst other threats that I am guarded --Well Guarded-- against, is the machinations of PSYCHOTIC FREAKS LIKE YOU, YOU INBRED SOUTHERN-FRIED-CHICKEN-GRAVY, BAPTIZED IN-AND-THEREOF BAPTIST FUCKIN' FUCKED & FUCKED IN RAPE-G MONKEY-BOY-GANG G-GANG-MEMBER/QUASI-LEADER. And part of the way that this happens, is that... why, all this sounds just too wildly implausible to believe, does nit not? (YOU do not believe in NIT--IT lives in EWE.) N'est-ce pas, c'est elegant magnifique formidable!) hashtag with a K, Bright Boy. That's Me. YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE MADE FLESH, INSERTED INTO YOUR REALITY WITHOUT EVEN A WHISPER OF YOUR CONSENT. (*Bitches: clap.*) You must have some hard karma to work through, Friend; much of this info I just dumped on you was not known to me at all until this morning, shortly after I pleasured myself to release and consumed my essence, as is my daily practice, delight, & delish.

The second thing wrong with that is that this is not "a chicken coop." What I have here is a little bird shithouse/schoolhouse made to swallow a swallow and/or a sparrow's soul, and what you are OBVIOUSLY referring to is The Chuppah, a purpose built structure that was once used as the cornerstone foundation of a faux wedding/handfasting\Occultshot Gunship Relativistic Flux Capacitor (Pat. Pending--aaaaand, IT IS MINE; thanks for mentioning it), and its significance these days is only a bare-handswidth-less important than the Actual_Kabbah.

Trust me, Doofus: God knows which bird that goddam cock-and-doll house belongs to which penis, and WE DO TOO. (Do you really think that keeping us separated by threats of lethal force is gonna ultimately work out in our favor? Well... could be, yo. Could very well be. You sure are telegraphing it enough. And I do have a picture of it. And I do have the date. I just simply haven't responded to the requests of your agent provocateur about it... yet. Later. Meanwhile: salt?

I will live there, and I will shit there, and there’s nothing you, or anyone else can do to stop that fucking future manifestation!

I've literally been waiting for that to manifest, ever since New Year's Day 2022. What are you, hitchhiking with your dick out? Hopping on one leg and stopping at every elementary school along the way to host and win a goddam skip-rope tournament after bribing all the judges and then knocking up all their daughters? (btw, grats; have a cigar.) IT'S FUCKING JUNE OF 2023. I'VE BEEN HERE SINCE NOVEMBER OF 2021. Now, I know you are not waiting for Christmas...

So, just what are you waiting for?

Burger time, Bitch!

Obviously, YOU are waiting for ME to leave. Sadly, I like my meat grilled by cowards and served by liberated women, so you'll just have to cope with The Paradigm Of The New Flesh... I am not going anywhere, and YOU are going to teach me how to fix my poisoned water supply, Super Plumber Mario. And that fucked-off tulpa that you cart around with you, that's been trained since birth to flip-flop between looking like Me & My Ex & Yo Help Ur Mate?

I will piss with my dick out on your property while yelling howdy-fucking-ho,

I promise you this: I will NEVER ask you to wear a French maid's outfit; nor shall I impose any kind of dress (or undress) code whatsoever, as I think those kinds of traditions are suitable only for low-vibe white trash.

and not you or Azzerae can fucking stop me!

It's not my property--it's held in Trust by my mommy's estate's Special Needs Trust estate management firm, and, I swear to you, my hand to G-d, as I live and breathe... the impression I am getting is that HE AND/XOR AGENTS AND/XOR REALTORS AND/XOR FLUNKIES AND/XOR TOADIES AND/XOR TREASURERS OF MOTORCYCLE CLUBS OPEN TO MEMBERSHIP ONLY TO MEMBERS OF THE PUBLIC WHO ARE SINGLE UNWED MOTHERS WITHOUT FELONY ARREST RECORDS (best kind of club if one were to ask me) AND/XOR ET CETERA, ET CETERA, ET. AL. are buying and selling this bitch-assed bitch-property for bitches who don't bitch all that bitchin' (but do bitch fair) all up and down dando clando Clan: DOE-authorized private real estate markets available to select individuals who are tasked with All Due Papal Authority Author-I-Tay Yah-Yah-Yipi-Skippi-Ki-Yi-Yi-Yo, all the livelong (livestrong) day, Motherfucker-- because that's what I would be doing to make myself a hard, chicken-scratch living off the land, if only I knew how; but, alas, I am merely the poor orphaned only son of destitute Bellingham sharecroppers, and lemme tell you:

It's all I can do-do-bo-diddley-a-go-go-D.E.W., just tryna get bay, to get me through the dy.  {spell:*FIZZLE!*!}


Now, here is the significance of this, which I will spell out for you IN BIG BOLD LETTERS so you can read it with your meth-shot bloodshot stye-covered eyeballs... YOU HAVE SO MANY CONFLICTING NARRATIVES ROLLING OUT SLOW (coz COVID) AND ALL OF THEM DEPEND ON ME NOT SHOWING UP TO SAY, "Cheerio!" AT AN INOPPORTUNE MOMENT... THAT YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO WALL ME OFF IN A MINIATURE PALESTINE RIGHT OFF I-5 AT AREAnot51 IN THE HOPES OF HOLDING TOGETHER YOUR SPIT-AND-BALING-WIRE SPIT-AND-VINEGAR ULTIMATE-THROWDOWN-KNOCKOUT SHITSHOW FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES TO GET YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW BEFORE THEY ALL GET REALLY, REALLY SICK.

HERE'S WHY: YOU HAVE USED MIND CONTROL DRUGS BASED ON MY DNA TO "SEDUCE, PERSUADE, AND/OR OUTRIGHT RAPE THESE LARGELY INNOCENT AND TOTALLY-ALMOST-TOTESLEZZ BRIDES TO GET HOOKED UP WITH YOUR FAGGY GROOMS BEFORE I SHOW UP TO UTTERLY ANNHILATE YEARS AND YEARS OF PIMPIN', THEIVIN' AND OUTRIGHT BAMBOOZLIN' THAT YOU AND YOUR BESOTTED "The Company" IS ALL-TOO-WELL-KNOWN FOR!

Meanwhile... I have to write all This_Shit, BEFORE ALL THIS GOES DOWN, just to ensure that I don't end up getting thrown into PRISON FOR LIFE because THERE'S NO WAY I'M GONNA SUPPORT HUMAN TRAFFICKING ACROSS INTERSTATE AND INTERNATIONAL BORDERS FOR IMMORTAL PORPOISES. no FUCKING way, Pimpstar! FU! FU! FU!

At least... you know, not without getting pate/paid first. Phhhhbbbbttttt!!


#RAWR!🐂🔔Baby!

WAIT! Did you hear that? Oh, dammit--my heart just fell out. Maybe I should get it checked over for tick-tocks.

HANG ON, LET ME CHECK THE SALT SHAKER. (TIME PASSES.) Interesting. Can't find Karen.

Oh, btw: this circumstance, uh, changed. You're weck-come.