totesbeyondbusted

[WORTHAUGERa]

I don't even know where to begin. "Two (2) Wo/Men Enter, One (1) Wo/Man Leaves" seems as good as place as any. We might need an actual Hippodrome. (I always wanted one. Convenient, frankly.)



Troopers, gather 'round. Yes, you, you in the back. Kudtdtle up. Get kozey. Didn't I say things were gonna go supercritical hypernuclear? I certainly did. I have a knack for prognosticating certain probabilities when they reach a tipping point of fuckin' inevitability. It's a bit like psychohistory from Asimov's Foundation novels. I always thought that sounded like balderdash, but here I am, piloting the course of my life by a teck that is mostly, but knat entirely, gobbleddy-gook & and fresh, country poppy-cock bullshit... nevertheless, it works. I know this, because it's how I got this far, and, land sakes! I ain't stoppin' now. These are The Blasted Lands. We can't stop here. All the plants are gonna die. Ferny McFernster might nevar recover. We don't want that. Not really. Not at all.

I also know this because I've been tinkering with the foundational technology that all this latest psycho bullshit is based on since the 90s. Yeah, I'm that guy. Stared at my navel a little too long, and, bickety-bam, just like that, I'm a Buddha. (Go Bears.) It's not all it's cracked up to be, but it ain't bad neither, I'm here to tell ya.

So anyway, people have beef. Strong beef. Wew lad(s)/lass(es)? Like, fuck this planet/globe. I swear galoshes. Land sakes! I've been told I can't say "just shoot me" anymore -- not in this autumnly ballistic climate -- nevertheless, I mention it one last time.

You had your chance to get close to me with bullets. Now, you're gonna have to use your (blank). Inorite.

[WORTHAUGERa]

« Reply #1 on: Today at 17:59:19 »

YAS YOU

[WORTHAUGERa]

By the way, it feels like I am dying inside all.the.time and it has for about eighteen and a half months, Moron. See that guy pumping? He's a .gif, his arms will never give out.

And, neither will mine, in all the world(s).

Not feeling really all that much better. Maybe it's all these frozen potatoes that I'm introducing to my hernia — the hard way.

[WORTHAUGERa]

Some rabbits don't get briar patches. Pray for their immortal souls and donate half —HALF— of your income to The Dr. Ronald Waltz In The Wetlands Protection Fund. Do it. Don't try.

DO. IT.

[WORTHAUGERa]

Code: [Select]

Good afternoon. Yeah, I bet you're not super-thrilled. Neither was I. It'll all be over soon. (it's out of my hands.)

Anyway, message coming in for you, signed "A_Friend", I kinda doubt it, but then again, all my friends have been kidnapped and murdered so how would I know? Anyway, here it is:

"How famous would you like?"

That's not the -actual- message but I can't grok most of it, given that, I don't care to know your (or anyone's) business that closely.

Anyway, that's it. I hope you're having a blast! And... yes, I do, in fact, have a job.

Don't ask. It's that real. click


Damned? That's weird. No saving_throw? Oh, I see the problem here.
*snap*
Okay, go on and kill him again, if you want, shrug. Not my area and not what I would do, but you know I know that means little here

Yeah, I won't rez -that-. /pinkyswear And we did just have Easter, and I didn't get a single, solitary bunny. *sniffle* So: ReQ Apprvd.


Oh no, please do collect me the spare details if one (1) or tree (California Dreaming Valhalla) do not mind. Yes, I did say "tripartite being," did I not? Also, I -did- tell you that -I AM- a big deal around here, you someones (OneDrive) just found it easier to assume I were a lying Lion. Well, nope.


If there were a Lodge for oxen, would it be okay, and if so, how many mules would they need to hold a breakfast? What if it were for pi? Discuss.

[WORTHAUGERa]

YAS YOU

Picture this:

Boss: "make one thread, and one thread only."
Me: I'm making three threads. Obviously. This the moment, he's off the res and doesn't even know it.
Me: "Okay." *click*
Me: MAKES THREE GODDAM THREADS. BICKETY-THE-FUCK-OUT-OF-ORBIT-BAM.
Me: toteshappy
Boss: YOU SONUVABITCH I AM GONNA MURDER YOU
Me: Good. Do it with anything but singing.
Boss: *uses poetry*
Me: {classified German word to describe a sophisticated axiom in game theory}
Boss: Now nothing works.
Me: What? Too (2) Bad-da Boom Boom Boom, Chucklestyx.

*literal months > 12 go by*

Boss?: OMG HE'S A STALKER, A RAPIST, A SATINEST (best sheets? maybe when CLEAN), AND THIS ONE TIME, I THOUGHT I HAD WON, AND I DIDN'T, AND THE REASON WHY IS THAT HE MADE THREE THREADS! MINIONS! HAVE HIM ORDERED TO KILL HIMSELF BY INTERNATIONAL PEACE TREATY!
Boss: You have minions? Ho ho ho. No, I have minions, YOU had a MINNOW.
Boss?: WILDLY COMMITS MULTIPLE FELONIES IN A DRAMATIC AND WILDLY OVERWROUGHT AND OVERBLOWN ATTEMPT TO BE FUNNY.
Boss: Well, that one made me laugh, at least. Have fun at the Oscars, you won't see me at the afterparty. Good luck in Hell, Trader. *click*

Boss?: (all remaining signal now cut.)

[WORTHAUGERa]

(all remaining signal now cut.)

I really can do all this forever, you know. SadBunny? EnergizerBunny, Baby. (A significant advantage comes to us since I started very, very late, compared to sum laude people.)

However, at this time, I would prefer to just go outside into the sun and give myself a hug. What do you say? Do you think the neighbors will mind? Because I'm talking about an actual hug, not just squeezing my dick until all my piss runs down that bushes legs.

("Threeve's Shaggy Dog Washing Company and Cozy Kunte Kuczi Kitchen For Making Bombs 'N' Applesauce In" does sound like a great title for a webcomic, now that you mention it, but good luck getting a title like that to show up in an .RSS field. Jesus, Kids today. SO precocious.)



by the way, if any_one needs a free hypnogourd, Amazon_P misdelivered a metric assload of them here. Come get some.

hi mom. you are morn. you are borg now. rawr. j/k mang teehee ::)

[WORTHAUGERa]

BICKETY-THE-FUCK-OUT-OF-ORBIT-BAM

There are no words. I knew right then: me, victorious. me, totesvictorious. me, intuitive flash: "oh, he doesn't want more than one because he wants them all for himself. What a fuckin' (jank--janky) move. Well, still, now I know he's not a -real- KryptoGew, at least, and, I obviously know -in that instant- that someone is really going to need some help.

And, you sure did, lawl. You are welcome, in deed.
Golf. God, my cousin is the biggest asshole in the world on that planet he was exiled to after banishing me. Let me guess, someone has been giving him all my "sugar" too, lol. :massiverolleyes:

Betcha wish your GF was a Valkyrie psyop kommander too, now shove those pancakes in your pancake hole like the totally fucked little bitch you probably don't want to be, and you just might get out of this one intact. More than a lot of people could say, now isnt ?



Four days, right? JUST FOUR DAYS. Wow, I should hurry up and stop procrastinating or something. Any more questions? hAH? I can't hear you! Bang, bang, bang -- on the door with my father's guns, why don't you? They're just unloaded, unlawfully confiscated, possibly -dun dun DAHHHH- stolen weapons, right?

How could they possibly harm even a fly agaric mushroom soup recipe? Meanwhile, at eleven: "Thanks For The Mammaries, Part Two: REDUX FELUX HOCUS POCUS.




(*no, not "shazam." sounds gay. yes, I do, but can't use the zed anyway. Because HE'S FUCKING DEAD THAT'S WHY NOW SHUT UP AND CLICK ME*)

[WORTHAUGERa]

I really can do all this forever, you know.

I won't. Bored now. Gonna go fantasize about killing myself now, rigor mortis is my only hope for any kind of celebration worth a dammed up river crossing another river to get into Jordan.

Jesus wept. Punylings.

[Worthauger]

Gonna go fantasize about killing myself now

I guess you're ready to pick on someone your own size now? Sorry, too late, Right Wing Leader: he just left.

[WORTHAUGERa]

Gonna go fantasize about killing myself now, rigor mortis is my only hope

Suicidal ideation: $500/day
Psychiatric Help: $5/found item
brohug for bros: ZERO BUCKS SHIT'S N/A
SHOVED BOXES: $25/handoff, $45/knight_accompaniment, $55/replacement_swap_@_Christmass

So, these No.s don't add up. Since they needed, there's some very good news here but its a bit occulded in the 'hood by now.


I'm reluctant to be the transmitter of any institutionalized forgiveness+peace+rocks package. It's kinda delicate. Not sure why but ancestry seems to indicate that erring on the side of sensitivity is going to be the wisest possible cautionary posture. Look up there: Christmas fuck. WHOA! Do you hear sirens? What's that noise? Oh it's just her hart. And already it's ready for slaughter.

It's not like I cannot forgive an institution. It's all the mailboxes that will need to be checked in order.  I'm still considering what I want to do next after seriously attending to this keyboard. No joke. It is the hands of all-over-the-place. Which is ai'ght. It started a few weeks ago. Probably partial poltergeist. It's cool, I always liked that movie. Didn't like the dummy, though.

So, we're gonna replace it with a herd of scorpions. #respect

I guess you're ready to pick on someone your own size now?

I can imagine DID coming in an array of suites and sizes. I can't really see myself continuing a lengthy back-and-forth self-dialogue any time that would be relevant.

So, I've decided to make myself ready to give my ruling. *furrows brow* It's gonna take a minute. While that festers, it's what I feel is time to mention, and I am sure you will agree, sports memories.

Do you know why I was angry? NO YOU DON'T. However, I am not now. Not at all. I gave up that war a really long time ago. So, rumors of my lingering hatred are false, and growing more false by the second. If there are more areas of concern that one would like checked, I can likely accomodate even the most mundane of Special Needs held by The People.

So. I have lost/had confiscated my nic vapes. (Gasp! Snitch!) No idea where they went... I mean, sorta. Anyway, long story short, I haven't indulged in the desire for quite awhile.

I wish I could fall down and make a snow angel, wherever I feel like it, to commerm... Oh, I just realized. I already can do this.

Won't be snow. Hands off. ROMANTIC CITIZENS BUSY ROMANCING -- *click*

[Innerreach]

Suicidal ideation: $500/day
Psychiatric Help: $5/found item
brohug for bros: ZERO BUCKS SHIT'S N/A
SHOVED BOXES: $25/handoff, $45/knight_accompaniment, $55/replacement_swap_@_Christmass

So, these No.s don't add up. Since they needed, there's some very good news here but its a bit occulded in the 'hood by now.


I'm reluctant to be the transmitter of any institutionalized forgiveness+peace+rocks package. It's kinda delicate. Not sure why but ancestry seems to indicate that erring on the side of sensitivity is going to be the wisest possible cautionary posture. Look up there: Christmas fuck. WHOA! Do you hear sirens? What's that noise? Oh it's just her hart. And already it's ready for slaughter.

It's not like I cannot forgive an institution. It's all the mailboxes that will need to be checked in order.  I'm still considering what I want to do next after seriously attending to this keyboard. No joke. It is the hands of all-over-the-place. Which is ai'ght. It started a few weeks ago. Probably partial poltergeist. It's cool, I always liked that movie. Didn't like the dummy, though.

So, we're gonna replace it with a herd of scorpions. #respect

I can imagine DID coming in an array of suites and sizes. I can't really see myself continuing a lengthy back-and-forth self-dialogue any time that would be relevant.

So, I've decided to make myself ready to give my ruling. *furrows brow* It's gonna take a minute. While that festers, it's what I feel is time to mention, and I am sure you will agree, sports memories.

Do you know why I was angry? NO YOU DON'T. However, I am not now. Not at all. I gave up that war a really long time ago. So, rumors of my lingering hatred are false, and growing more false by the second. If there are more areas of concern that one would like checked, I can likely accomodate even the most mundane of Special Needs held by The People.

So. I have lost/had confiscated my nic vapes. (Gasp! Snitch!) No idea where they went... I mean, sorta. Anyway, long story short, I haven't indulged in the desire for quite awhile.

I wish I could fall down and make a snow angel, wherever I feel like it, to commerm... Oh, I just realized. I already can do this.

Won't be snow. Hands off. ROMANTIC CITIZENS BUSY ROMANCING -- *click*

Epyt txet ot esrever ereh..Annog og ezisatnaf tuoba gnillik flesym won, rogir sitrom si ym ylno epoh

Ladicius noitaedi: $005/yad
Cirtaihcysp Pleh: $5/dnuof meti
guhorb rof sorb: OREZ SKCUB TIHS'S N/A
DEVOHS SEXOB: $52/ffodnah, $54/thgink_tneminapmocca, $55/tnemecalper_paws_@_Ssamtsirhc

Os, eseht On.s nod't dda pu. Ecnis yeht dedeen, ereht's emos yrev doog swen ereh tub sti a tib dedlucco ni eht 'dooh yb won.


I'm tnatculer ot eb eht rettimsnart fo yna dezilanoitutitsni ssenevigrof+ecaep+skcor egakcap. Ti's adnik etaciled. Ton erus yhw tub yrtsecna smees ot etacidni taht gnirre no eht edis fo ytivitisnes si gniog ot eb eht tsesiw elbissop yranoituac erutsop. Kool pu ereht: Samtsirhc kcuf. AOHW! Od uoy raeh sneris? Tahw's taht esion? Ho ti's tsuj reh trah. Dna ydaerla ti's ydaer rof rethguals.

Ti's ton ekil I tonnac evigrof na noitutitsni. Ti's lla eht sexobliam taht lliw deen ot eb dekcehc ni redro.  I'm llits gniredisnoc tahw I tnaw ot od txen retfa ylsuoires gnidnetta ot siht draobyek. On ekoj. Ti si eht sdnah fo lla-revo-eht-ecalp. Hcihw si ia'thg. Ti detrats a wef skeew oga. Ylbaborp laitrap tsiegretlop. Ti's looc, I syawla dekil taht eivom. Ndid't ekil eht ymmud, hguoht.

Os, ew'er annog ecalper ti htiw a dreh fo snoiprocs. #tcepser

Etouq morf: Tnacitujda Lop no Yam 10, 2202, 90:94:62 MP
I sseug uoy'er ydaer ot kcip no enoemos ruoy nwo ezis won?

I nac enigami DID gnimoc ni na yarra fo setius dna sezis. I nac't yllaer ees flesym gniunitnoc a yhtgnel kcab-dna-htrof fles-eugolaid yna emit taht dluow eb tnaveler.

Os, I'ev dediced ot ekam flesym ydaer ot evig ym gnilur. *sworruf worb* Ti's annog ekat a etunim. Elihw taht sretsef, ti's tahw I leef si emit ot noitnem, dna I ma erus uoy lliw eerga, strops seiromem.

Od uoy wonk yhw I saw yrgna? ON UOY NOD'T. Revewoh, I ma ton won. Ton ta lla. I evag pu taht raw a yllaer gnol emit oga. Os, sromur fo ym gniregnil dertah era eslaf, dna gniworg erom eslaf yb eht dnoces. Fi ereht era erom saera fo nrecnoc taht eno dluow ekil dekcehc, I nac ylekil etadomocca neve eht tsom enadnum fo Laiceps Sdeen dleh yb Eht Elpoep.

Os. I evah tsol/dah detacsifnoc ym cin sepav. (Psag! Hctins!) On aedi erehw yeht tnew... I naem, atros. Yawyna, gnol yrots trohs, I nevah't degludni ni eht erised rof etiuq elihwa.

I hsiw I dluoc llaf nwod dna ekam a wons legna, reverehw I leef ekil ti, ot mremmoc... Ho, I tsuj dezilaer. I ydaerla nac od siht.

Now't eb wons. Sdnah ffo. CITNAMOR SNEZITIC YSUB GNICNAMOR -- *kcilc*

[Innerreach]

https://rumble.com/embed/vnvpvn/?pub=4

[Laser]

https://rumble.com/embed/vnvpvn/?pub=4

What side of the drop-off are you promoting?



Just wondering.

[Worthauger]

Won't be snow. Hands off. ROMANTIC CITIZENS BUSY ROMANCING -- *click*

I hear the focus groups went well for Team Advantage. I am not sure what else might have been expected?

No, I'm not suicidal, nor homicidal. Sigh. Just very totespatient, totesharpening, totesax. That trombone ain't gonna be all that sad for all that much longer, I reckon.

Since I'm pretty sure I wrecked someone through totesindirect totescontact, I'm willing to allow your silent adulation to go unlableled as mere cowardice, Punylings. Puny Mortals. Ho ho ho. Now, have I got a story to tell you. I'm so happy, I can hardly count the lack of necessity to tell the story again.

Nevertheless, I suppose I could again, just for old times sake. And while I may not know -literally- everything, I do know that I must, by this time, know more about what just happened than any other single person... and I wasn't even there. Now, that's bilocation.

I'll be in the shower cleaning off a spot for my merit badge to be placed when it's ready to come out of the oven with the rest of the Shrinky Dinks. Thanks! I love a parade... ESPECIALLY WHEN KEYSER SOZE'S WIFE'S GARDENER'S HEAD IS ON A PIKE AT THE END OF THE LINE!!! (Now, that's really not a good safeword at all. DISQUALIFIED... but with caveats. Re-application here is welcomed. No, I'm spoken for, thanks. ciao)




Christ. I don't even know how to proofread that anymore. I guess it's percifull. And (blankly) frankly, I obviously do give quite a bit more of a damn, but obviously I would never blow a dam, no. I wasn't even thinking of that! Oh, but thanks for the offer--I guess there were those wondering what it would take. Yes, I am happy to never do that. Agreed. See? That was easy, wasn't it? Right out in public, and no one need ever suspect a thing. Now go kiss the (blank) you're calling a b-ride, I'm outta ga.s