Basically, “Girl_K._Toe”—which, as you know is not your name, but this is in code—this is all (PROT)’s fault; but I'm holding you accountable.
Honestly, I would have guessed that another hero was the last thing anyone else would have ever needed.
I got to warn you though, this is probably the last time. I'm already authorized to start taking scalps, that's a perfectly pacifistic thing to do at this point, especially considering what a warning that would have been to everyone else if I had only done so at first.
Think back. How many years ago was this good enough for you and me, (Blank–0)? And then: who pushed it?
Well, you know it wasn't me. Although this time... well, I'm pushing through. And, of course, Thunderdome is ready for you. It's ready for all of us.
Have a cigar. Wish you were here. It's a hell of a start, it could be made into a monster if we all pull together as a clique of self entitled, overly self-entitled douchehole ass ballers. Sadly though we all have to sit this one out without me,
hello—if any of you want to put up with this shit nonsense anymore by yourself, you're welcome to take Colombo and the goose and drive down to Barbados, you can do that now, they got hover cars that'll just go over the water, you can drive from Florida to Barbados without even stopping. I don't know why anyone would do that, but...
Look. Big talk, big swagger, itty-bitty delivery. Meanwhile: I
have produced, and will
continue to produce, assuming I can manage to stick within at least some sense of modern cultural norms.
I'm not sure if this is ZUGZWANG, but it doesn't have to be: I'm just here for style points. And as much as I enjoyed the ending of Animal House, I don't actually have to relive it long enough to actually laugh in everybody's face in order to feel like I made my point.
So... what's the emergency? Oh, tell it slow.
p.s.: “Podbean.” The only reason why that doesn't sound gay is because it reminds me of a clitoris. And I like being reminded of those. So, I'm probably going to let you live.
I mean, spare your life. No, really. I don't want to terminate anybody. I would replace your "team” if I were you though, Brother.
If it helps any, I've moved to a dimension where I can exclusively vape nothing but nicotine salts flavored with huckleberries, and I'm likely to create a MySpace page for the first time and go back to Twitter and start talking in my “Spaces” for another time long before I'm ever going to be concerned about any of those things that I used to be concerned about all those months ago. They've had it. Put a fork in them. Extortion, coercion, blackmail, duress; the whole fucking works. And: I don't even
care. Like,
whatever. Guards! Take them away!
Oh, right, they already left. Anyway, the headline here is:
whatevah. Now, this is quite the reversal, now isn't it? And, just think, you thought those stick figure drawings were some clever way to relive tension. I remember when I first saw one! I lied to myself, “oh is he really this fucking dim, is this supposed to make me nervous, I can't believe this low brow route. In this day and age. Lawdy!”
Honestly: flattered. However, like a poor marksman, you keep on missing the target... Because Shields. Honestly don't know how many people around me are getting unexpectedly assaulted in the astral plane but it's definitely not me taking the brunt of the attacks.
I also definitely don't give a shit. Honestly, after the first time, as long as I'm not warned by somebody who I dismiss in public as a loser and then for the next rest of my life I'm constantly reminded that that didn't have to happen but I was arrogant and chose to mock someone instead of listening to them... Honestly as long as that doesn't happen I'll be fine, and if that does happen I'll probably just be dead from laughing myself to death but... Honestly, at this point, who can say?
I think I'm using the word “mahalo” there a few too many times but that's okay. It has mythic residence. I mean resonance. I mean oh hey I heard from the Dragon Lord. I mean the Nigger Lord. I mean...
Well, son of a bitch, come to think of it, I don't know if it was really him. I think it could have been a Fed pretended to be him. There's probably some question among certain circles about how I really feel about that man.
Like, seriously, three more times. No, I don't enjoy that. Yes, I see the people trying to frame me for things and I think that's adorable. I always see it, it never works, every time I choose that I would prefer not to be framed for something I never did and mysteriously I seem to not have that come to pass.
It's been like this what 789 years now that I've noticed? I honestly don't know. In any event: when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Color me impressed.
I a-parent-lee haven't been keeping up; Paige Won of thus thread and I like the cut of jibs?
What intha...
The original was more personable. How many clones is this for this one now? Well, far too many of them than is good for authenticity, that's clear.
So anyway, love the fam. Say “hi” to your mom for me! And don't ever invite me to lunch again.
Have your boss do it. And give her money so she doesn't have to cook. You'd be amazed how much more effective that would have been for your time.
Don't comp us a room, don't tell me who your boss is, and for the Love of All That is Holy; write more poetry.
With a Sharpie on the back of your hand. All right. Are we done here? I fucking hope so. I have an
actual life, Dude. And you
are in the way. Not before, but now. Move over, Bacon.
Wait, shit am I talking to you or to the other guy? Damn it, that's what happens when I don't pay attention to details. On the bright side I do have a lot less to write before I consider to wonder if I'm ever done or not.
I’ll want to know how you and Sparkle relate this to Facebook punching later. Oh and, hey isn't it awesome how I'm not mad? Because I'm not.
I mean... I'm mad about
you, but I'm not
angry. But I think I know who might be.
Don't tell her I said anything. That's an order. No contact! No touching! Social distancing! Wow, no wonder, this is really funny from this side of the joke, haha I get it now.
Just kidding. That was sarcasm. I'll explain later after I start gambling. Although in order for that to happen, I would have to have some possibility of loss—and frankly, Kato, I'll give you permission to go on over to the location of all my worldly belongings and you can rummage through it all you like and take anything you want. My gift to you.
Twice. Now, doesn't that sound nice? Go on. Take the teddy bear.
I dare you.
p.s.:
Asparagus. 
