AzzeKūn
AzzGab => BellGab => Topic started by: AZZERAE on April 08, 2021, 07:32:41 AM
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(https://image.freepik.com/free-vector/business-sign-that-says-yes-we-re-open_57312-231.jpg)
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(https://i.ibb.co/g6LzqP4/simnel.png)
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(https://i.ibb.co/g6LzqP4/simnel.png)
Impressive. Kind of makes me want to go out and roll a few marzipan balls.
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Impressive. Kind of makes me want to go out and roll a few marzipan balls.
Thanks! This is the first year we didn't have escaped disciples rolling on the floor -- in the past I have resorted to toothpicks. A little of the same hot rum-and-apricot-jam mixture you brush on the sides as a glaze glues them right down.
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I know that it is not baking. But I'm embarrassed to admit that I did not write down your recipe for chicken pepperoni "stuff". And now it has disappeared... Any chance of a repeat. I know I need to slaughter 3 dozen chickens, stew a box of tomatoes, and buy some bulk pepperoni... But I don't recall the rest of the ingredients.
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I know that it is not baking. But I'm embarrassed to admit that I did not write down your recipe for chicken pepperoni "stuff". And now it has disappeared... Any chance of a repeat. I know I need to slaughter 3 dozen chickens, stew a box of tomatoes, and buy some bulk pepperoni... But I don't recall the rest of the ingredients.
Sure!
10 lbs chicken breast, diced
package of Italian sausage
package of pepperoni
two large cans of tomato paste
oregano, basil, thyme, salt (may not need if sausage is salty enough), pepper (chili and black) to taste, just keep adding until it smells like the pizza you like.
a glug of vinegar if you like it a little zippy, enhances the acidity of the pepperoni
My big sis adds cheese and olives, too, once I got her turned on to it, but when I am in my ascetic mood that seems impossibly decadent.
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Sure!
10 lbs chicken breast, diced
package of Italian sausage
package of pepperoni
two large cans of tomato paste
oregano, basil, thyme, salt (may not need if sausage is salty enough), pepper (chili and black) to taste, just keep adding until it smells like the pizza you like.
a glug of vinegar if you like it a little zippy, enhances the acidity of the pepperoni
My big sis adds cheese and olives, too, once I got her turned on to it, but when I am in my ascetic mood that seems impossibly decadent.
To each his own, but whenever I see this kind of potage, I want to add some mushrooms, peppers and jalapenos.
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To each his own, but whenever I see this kind of potage, I want to add some mushrooms, peppers and jalapenos.
YES peppers would be sublime! I will try that next time, I have been craving them lately. Really it is just your favorite pizza toppings with chicken as the base instead of a giant disk of carbohydrate. Once I realized pizza was just garnished bread I regretted every slice I ever ate.
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(https://i.ibb.co/Rgpm2m0/simnel1.png)
(https://i.ibb.co/JnfssH9/simnel2.png)
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https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/easter-simnel-cake (https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/easter-simnel-cake)
Here is the recipe that I used. This year, I made a few modifications. Most significantly, since whoozit pointed out that "marzipan" without rosewater is just almond paste (a definition that does not hold in Scandinavia) I included a generous glug of that substance in making the marzipan, which otherwise is simply halfalmond flour and half powdered sugar with almond extract held together with an egg. This was an unexpected success, with the distinct taste of fresh roses (yes, you can eat them) occurring at surprising points in the cake, introduced not only in the topping but by the thick layer of marzipan filling in the middle.
I also used a very tall 6-inch springform pan which, despite appearing smaller, holds the entire recipe. It took at least half an hour longer to bake and was still mushy in the middle as you can see; it could easily have gone another half hour without drying out too badly.
Though eaten fresh, with an eye toward incorporating some of the benefits of aging on a fruitcake I wrapped it in plastic and foil while still quite warm and allowed it to cool gradually for several hours, essentially steaming the hard outer crust into softness. You see instructions for wrapping on old-fashioned cakes that are meant to age but, though you will hear things like how the flavors are mellowed or richened, the main purpose from what I have experienced is to allow the moisture levels in the cake to equalize so that the blackened parts on the outside become as soft as the middle and the whole is more pleasant to eat. When you use pinches of spice there may be some benefit to aging as a means of amplifying their flavors but spices are so cheap now, I am not a fan of subtlety and dump the fresh-ground stuff by the handful.
I also chop the raisins (which is tedious but worth it) to create a more-uniform texture -- gross swollen whole raisins make a crumbly cake without any real benefit on on the fork, and there are currants anyway which are far more polite.
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https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/easter-simnel-cake (https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/easter-simnel-cake)
Here is the recipe that I used. This year, I made a few modifications. Most significantly, since whoozit pointed out that "marzipan" without rosewater is just almond paste (a definition that does not hold in Scandinavia)
I'm very happy to share credit. But I am positive that you and I discussed rosewater as an addition. If Bellgab existed, I would spend half an hour combing my posts looking for our interaction on the subject.
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I'm very happy to share credit. But I am positive that you and I discussed rosewater as an addition. If Bellgab existed, I would spend half an hour combing my posts looking for our interaction on the subject.
We most certainly did! And, on the subject of stollen, I cite your oma eagerly. On an English cake, however, I am more likely to cite whoozit, who I associate with that benighted nation both for the way he jumped all over Shreddie's Tunis cake and for his appalling tendency to mistake his part for the whole, much like Shreddie with his absurd "cardigan", as though all of Europe was so taken with the ridiculous poltroon and popinjay of a lord by that name that, as a body, they elected to call what is effectively a near-universal piece of long underwear after the blunderer of Balaclava.
Also,I forgot the garlic powder in the pizza chicken recipe oh gawd I am so ashamed 😢
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We most certainly did! And, on the subject of stollen, I cite your oma eagerly. On an English cake, however, I am more likely to cite whoozit, who I associate with that benighted nation both for the way he jumped all over Shreddie's Tunis cake and for his appalling tendency to mistake his part for the whole, much like Shreddie with his absurd "cardigan", as though all of Europe was so taken with the ridiculous poltroon and popinjay of a lord by that name that, as a body, they elected to call what is effectively a near-universal piece of long underwear after the blunderer of Balaclava.
Also,I forgot the garlic powder in the pizza chicken recipe oh gawd I am so ashamed 😢
Really? You think a Balaclava is a pair of long johns?
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Really? You think a Balaclava is a pair of long johns?
No but your Cardigan is.
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Gawd do I have to teach you your own history, too?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Brudenell,_7th_Earl_of_Cardigan (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Brudenell,_7th_Earl_of_Cardigan)
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Gawd do I have to teach you your own history, too?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Brudenell,_7th_Earl_of_Cardigan (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Brudenell,_7th_Earl_of_Cardigan)
I'm mystified at your description of a cardigan as 'underwear'. God knows, nobody accuses Norwegians of being overly bright but you'd think they'd at least understand how to wear clothes properly. You're all so in-bred that you can't take the advice of well-meaning 'outsiders'. You probably wear your clogs on your head too.
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I'm mystified at your description of a cardigan as 'underwear'. God knows, nobody accuses Norwegians of being overly bright but you'd think they'd at least understand how to wear clothes properly. You're all so in-bred that you can't take the advice of well-meaning 'outsiders'. You probably wear your clogs on your head too.
Go find a picture of Charles I's undershirt -- it is nasty so I don't want it in the bakeshop. I do not expect you to know the first rule of historical fashion by which underwear becomes outerwear but that is one of the oldest surviving examples, right down to the pattern which, in Norwegian, is known as "kors og kringle". Norwegian peasants began to wear it under their overalls, peeking out at the top and embellished with embroidery and whatever tin they could manage as buttons, and that is the ancestor of what you have thoughtlessly named a "cardigan", as though you folks invented it. You did not; you just forgot.
The two- (or more) color knitting was for warmth, making a double thickness, and allowed for the incorporation of designs that very likely have their roots in pagan superstition across the breast (Viking-era tablet weaving has the same pattern) and also personalization -- many early examples from Scandinavia have the dates and owners' names worked in.
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Here are some happy Setesdalers showing how it was originally worn. This is regarded as the oldest bunad in Norway in continual use, with authentic roots in the peasantry rather than the rest which ape early 19th-c. bourgeois style.
(https://i.pinimg.com/736x/09/98/b3/0998b3cff1b6931d2dbfe63e84d98bc1.jpg)
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Go find a picture of Charles I's undershirt -- it is nasty so I don't want it in the bakeshop. I do not expect you to know the first rule of historical fashion by which underwear becomes outerwear but that is one of the oldest surviving examples, right down to the pattern which, in Norwegian, is known as "kors og kringle". Norwegian peasants began to wear it under their overalls, peeking out at the top and embellished with embroidery and whatever tin they could manage as buttons, and that is the ancestor of what you have thoughtlessly named a "cardigan", as though you folks invented it. You did not; you just forgot.
The two- (or more) color knitting was for warmth, making a double thickness, and allowed for the incorporation of designs that very likely have their roots in pagan superstition across the breast (Viking-era tablet weaving has the same pattern) and also personalization -- many early examples from Scandinavia have the dates and owners' names worked in.
As usual you get it wrong, you pseudo-Nordic windbag. It's not a shirt when you wear it underneath but a vest. The vest was meant to protect the thorax from cold but gradually mutated into the waistcoat, which is worn over the shirt, and usually only by ponces or croupiers.
I refer you to the cardigan worn by Detective Starsky in one of your favourite TV programmes 'Starsky and Hutch' (you even delight the old folks at the 'Rest Home for Exiled and Retarded Norwegians ' by playing the theme tune for them on the pump organ, so I've heard). That is a chunky, long-sleeved affair and has about as much affinity with your vest as a pork pie has with a pterodactyl.
You've glossed over the fact that you evidently don't know what a balaclava is. Your cheeks are no doubt burning with shame and you've fabricated this nonsense to try and distract me. Well, the best of Bombay luck, duck! 'Cos this fellow ain't gonna be distracted by your idle chaff!
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I'm sure Charles I was wearing a hair shirt which isn't really a shirt at all. Probably the same sort of thing Thomas More used to wear next his skin to make him feel miserable.
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Here are some happy Setesdalers showing how it was originally worn. This is regarded as the oldest bunad in Norway in continual use, with authentic roots in the peasantry rather than the rest which ape early 19th-c. bourgeois style.
(https://i.pinimg.com/736x/09/98/b3/0998b3cff1b6931d2dbfe63e84d98bc1.jpg)
They look like rejects from a gay Mariachi band.
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As usual you get it wrong, you pseudo-Nordic windbag. It's not a shirt when you wear it underneath but a vest. The vest was meant to protect the thorax from cold but gradually mutated into the waistcoat, which is worn over the shirt, and usually only by ponces or croupiers.
I refer you to the cardigan worn by Detective Starsky in one of your favourite TV programmes 'Starsky and Hutch' (you even delight the old folks at the Rest Home for Exiled Norwegians ' by playing the theme tune for them on the pump organ, so I've heard). That is a chunky, long-sleeved affair and has about as much affinity with your vest as a pork pie has with a pterodactyl.
You've glossed over the fact that you evidently don't know what a balaclava is. Your cheeks are no doubt burning with shame and you've fabricated this nonsense to try and distract me. Well, the best of Bombay luck, duck! 'Cos this fellow ain't gonna be distracted by your idle chaff!
And you need to go back and diagram my sentence if you think I was talking about balaclavas. I realize my clauses overlap in Johnsonian ranks but you should be able to penetrate those thickets easily. The etymology of "cardigan" is well-known and you are the one who applied it to my sweater, much like you now try to apply the latinate "vest" to a garment which predates their pernicious influence on you by centuries. This is why the English will always be a bastard race, cut loose from their moorings, linguistically and culturally adrift.
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We most certainly did! And, on the subject of stollen, I cite your oma eagerly. On an English cake, however, I am more likely to cite whoozit, who I associate with that benighted nation both for the way he jumped all over Shreddie's Tunis cake and for his appalling tendency to mistake his part for the whole, much like Shreddie with his absurd "cardigan", as though all of Europe was so taken with the ridiculous poltroon and popinjay of a lord by that name that, as a body, they elected to call what is effectively a near-universal piece of long underwear after the blunderer of Balaclava.
Also,I forgot the garlic powder in the pizza chicken recipe oh gawd I am so ashamed 😢
Oh, of course. My apologies. I had missed that and just assumed a misattribution.
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Get 'em Shreddie.
(https://64.media.tumblr.com/52fe81d406e9ead0c6a8105157403507/tumblr_o9spizV5Td1sxouzno1_400.gifv)(https://64.media.tumblr.com/5806f45f32081efcd8f5ff4adbcbad01/tumblr_oazhsdZOIC1tho85xo1_400.gifv)
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Poor bugger; I almost feel sorry for him. Wakes up to troll the dumb Americans only to get strangled with a cardigan and have his ass wiped with Charles I's undershirt.
(https://jimdroberts.files.wordpress.com/2019/06/11charge.gif?w=382)
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They look like rejects from a gay Mariachi band.
😈🇳🇴❤️🇲🇽👨🏻🌾 !!!
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I realize my clauses overlap in Johnsonian ranks .
If you ever stop being an effeminate, snide little cunt long enough, I might tell you about the family connection I have with the Grand Cham. But, for the present, you can go pound sand and fuck yourself with a wire brush.
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By the way, you dumb fucks probably aren't aware of this but 'Azzerae' is an anagram of 'zaza 'ere'. And the url of this site is 'azzgab.co.za(za). K_Dubb should ask his bunny to pose with one of those dick hats he likes so much.
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If you ever stop being an effeminate, snide little cunt long enough, I might tell you about the family connection I have with the Grand Cham. But, for the present, you can go pound sand and fuck yourself with a wire brush.
I am sure the good doctor is up there weeping over the lamentable state of his progeny, reduced to impotent fury by a scion of the most disreputable sort of sailors and fisherfolk, who just happened to take his advice and continues to vigorously polish his pebble.
Funnily enough I was just talking to my big sis in Alaska who is working on a new sweater for me, this one replaces the kors og kringle XOXOXO with an Alaska theme with snowflakes and mooses. But its relationship to the royal undershirt (his was knit of silk, if I remember right) should even be apparent without your spectacles.
(https://i.ibb.co/3cS9sDq/sweater.png)
One of the less-gory images where you can easily see the XOXOXOXO design that did nothing for poor King Chuck.
(https://i.pinimg.com/originals/4c/f8/53/4cf8538eadfd90e4c390829c3926148d.jpg)
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By the way, you dumb fucks probably aren't aware of this but 'Azzerae' is an anagram of 'zaza 'ere'. And the url of this site is 'azzgab.co.za(za). K_Dubb should ask his bunny to pose with one of those dick hats he likes so much.
This occurred to you just now?
(https://i.ibb.co/60sCBcj/louissmirk.gif)
Tace is Latin for a candle, my good man.
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BTW since you will find it amusing the kind with little dots all over the belly is known as a lusekofte, a louse tunic -- we have never taken ourselves too seriously in the North despite our fearsome reputation. The "kofte" possibly has the same root as "caftan" which shows you how ancient it is. We were wearing the ancient equestrian steppe dress of tunic and breeches while you lot were prancing around in your togas like a bunch of Mediterranean sissies.
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(https://media.tenor.com/images/2f9cf6251f38b93bbbb518ea6adac4f6/tenor.gif)
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Shreddie you will note that my new sweater will have raglan sleeves. Now that is the name of one of your silly peers (coincidentally also present at Balaclava) you can properly invoke for an article of clothing! His sleeves are extremely rare in Norwegian sweaters, which is why I wanted one. The knitting technique is advanced, requiring that the body and sleeves be shaped precisely, much like pattern cutouts, rather than simple tubes that are joined. And because the resulting armholes are much larger, you can get away with a much leaner fit.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Balaclava (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Balaclava)
https://shopcanoeclub.com/blogs/editorial/the-surprising-history-of-the-raglan-sleeve (https://shopcanoeclub.com/blogs/editorial/the-surprising-history-of-the-raglan-sleeve)
You might want to read up on the 4th Baron Lovat, his pipe, and his piper, too, before I sneak that one in.
(https://data.whicdn.com/images/319857619/original.gif)
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You might want to read up on the 4th Baron Lovat, his pipe, and his piper, too, before I sneak that one in.
Of course he was born in Saskatchewan. There are a few amusing parts of his story that I read- but the passage that left me a little disturbed that reminded me that most of us live with first world problems and "mental trauma." A fucking flail tank? Wow.
“There was a small entrance road leading off the beach and ten or twelve were lying wounded at its entrance. Some of them said, ‘Are the medics here, Jock?’ I told them not to worry; the doctors would be coming. I took shelter behind a low wall and watched as a flail tank made its way towards the road and the wounded men.
I quickly got up and waved my hands frantically over my head, hoping to get the attention of the commander whose steel hat was just visible out of the top of the tank. He seemed not to notice and went straight ahead over the top of the wounded soldiers. It was very traumatic watching those men die”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQK_a4aGNuc
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLvaDt3uGzA
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLvaDt3uGzA
13 disgusting foods that Brits absolutely love
https://metro.co.uk/2017/08/27/13-disgusting-foods-that-brits-absolutely-love-6865993/?ito=cbshare
I am not ashamed to say that I actually liked Scotch eggs at one time, but my gawd, this British perversion of what should be cuisine is an ongoing horror story.
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Just watched them make this I did and it looks delicious. Described it they did as “hyper-regional” and specifically very big in D-town. True story, WAN?
https://wskg.org/episodes/cooks-country-almond-boneless-chicken-ep-1311/
Almond Boneless Chicken
Serves 4 to 6
Almond Boneless Chicken, which is a Chinese American restaurant staple in the Detroit area, consists of crispy battered chicken served on a bed of crunchy iceberg lettuce, topped with a mild brown sauce, and sprinkled with almonds and scallions. A combination of baking powder, baking soda, and beer keeps the batter light and crisp. Folding chopped toasted almonds into the batter provides more almond flavor as well as crunch. A combination of hoisin, soy sauce, and dry sherry adds complexity to the chicken broth–based sauce.
INGREDIENTS
Sauce
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1 tablespoon cold water
1 cup chicken broth
2 teaspoons dry sherry
2 teaspoons hoisin sauce
2 teaspoons soy sauce
⅛ teaspoon salt
Chicken
4 (6- to 8-ounce) boneless, skinless chicken breasts, trimmed
Salt and pepper
½ cup sliced almonds, toasted
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup cornstarch
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
1 ¼ cups lager or pilsner beer
1 large egg, lightly beaten
2 quarts peanut or vegetable oil
½ head iceberg lettuce (4 ½ ounces), cored and sliced thin crosswise
3 scallions, sliced thin on bias
INSTRUCTIONS
Use a Dutch oven that holds 6 quarts or more. Choose a mild lager or pilsner for this recipe. In addition to iceberg lettuce, this dish is usually served with rice.
1. FOR THE SAUCE: Dissolve cornstarch in water in small bowl and set aside. Combine broth, sherry, hoisin, soy sauce, and salt in small saucepan and bring to boil over medium-high heat. Whisk in reserved cornstarch mixture, return to boil, and cook until thickened, about 30 seconds. Remove from heat, cover, and keep warm, stirring occasionally.
2. FOR THE CHICKEN: Line rimmed baking sheet with parchment paper. Set wire rack in second rimmed baking sheet and line rack with triple layer of paper towels. Halve chicken breasts horizontally to form 8 cutlets. Pat cutlets dry with paper towels and season with salt and pepper.
3. Finely chop 1/4 cup almonds. Whisk chopped almonds, 1 cup flour, cornstarch, garlic powder, baking powder, baking soda, 1 teaspoon salt, and 3/4 teaspoon pepper together in large bowl. Whisk in beer and egg. Combine remaining 1 cup flour and 1 teaspoon salt in shallow dish.
4. Working with 1 at a time, dip cutlets into batter to thoroughly coat, letting excess drip back into bowl. Dredge battered cutlets in flour to coat, shaking off excess, and place on parchment-lined sheet. Let cutlets sit while oil heats.
5. Add oil to large Dutch oven until it measures about 1 1/2 inches deep and heat over medium-high heat to 350 degrees. Working in batches, add half of cutlets to hot oil. Adjust burner as necessary to maintain oil temperature between 325 and 350 degrees. Fry, stirring gently to prevent pieces from sticking together, until cutlets are golden and register 160 degrees, about 4 minutes, flipping halfway through frying. Transfer to prepared wire rack to cool while frying remaining cutlets.
6. Place lettuce on platter. Cut each cutlet crosswise into 1/2-inch-thick slices. Arrange slices over lettuce and drizzle with sauce. Sprinkle with scallions and remaining 1/4 cup almonds. Serve.
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13 disgusting foods that Brits absolutely love
https://metro.co.uk/2017/08/27/13-disgusting-foods-that-brits-absolutely-love-6865993/?ito=cbshare
I am not ashamed to say that I actually liked Scotch eggs at one time, but my gawd, this British perversion of what should be cuisine is an ongoing horror story.
My family used to eat black pudding a few times a year when I was growing up though we called it more accurately blood pudding. I haven’t had it in years but would definitely eat it again if I could find some.
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True story, WAN?
(http://cdn.chatsports.com/thumbnails/2174-49669-original.jpeg)
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Fine! Be that way.
(https://memegenerator.net/img/instances/43475671.jpg)
Come back 1 year.
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That is certainly different from the Almond Chicken we get here, that sauce looks like it actually has some flavor to it with the hoisin etc whereas ours is like a giant sneeze
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That is certainly different from the Almond Chicken we get here, that sauce looks like it actually has some flavor to it with the hoisin etc whereas ours is like a giant sneeze
Yes and deserve not such fine chicken does WAN.
Have I an excess of pitted dates to use up. Have you a dessert recipe involving them?
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Yes and deserve not such fine chicken does WAN.
Have I an excess of pitted dates to use up. Have you a dessert recipe involving them?
I just chop them and put them in fruitcake, but my mom has a date-bar recipe I tried looking for online but none of the ones I saw have the icing she puts on top. I will see if I can get it from her. Shreddie would probably have you make Sticky Toffee Pudding.
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These ones have a frosting and orange juice like my mom's but hers have a bottom shortbread crust whereas these seem to mix the filling with the crust to make more of a brownie thing, I don't know I am not real big on those bar cookies where they just kind of mash everything together super easy so you can just pop em in the oven and go on being a busy mom ffs if you are too busy to roll out a crust just go grab a little debbie for a buck fitty to stuff in your pie hole you have no business pretending to be a baker >:(
(https://imagesvc.meredithcorp.io/v3/mm/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fimages.media-allrecipes.com%2Fuserphotos%2F8372106.jpg&q=85/)
https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/25060/frosted-orange-date-bars/ (https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/25060/frosted-orange-date-bars/)
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Here are a couple really nice-looking recipes for Sticky Toffee Pudding, this one "Double Ginger" (candied and fresh):
(https://assets.bonappetit.com/photos/57acda4153e63daf11a4dab3/1:1/w_2560%2Cc_limit/double-ginger-sticky-toffee-pudding.jpg)
https://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/double-ginger-sticky-toffee-pudding (https://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/double-ginger-sticky-toffee-pudding)
and this one with Earl Grey tea which sounds bizarre but I like Jamie Oliver and he used to be hot. He can keep the sea salt though, yuck! I am so tired of that, everyone doing it now. Twenty years in the future our children will talk about that strange time where everyone was putting salt on their dessert and wonder what sort of stupid sheeple ever thought that was a good idea. I bet Starbuks has even added salt to their condiment tray you can put it inyour caramel macchiato. Blech. Here in the NW it is old news, we have been putting strange things in our sweets for decades -- "Mexican" chocolate with chili, white pepper in the same, spekulaas spices, you name it. Even the little donut shop by my folks' house has a "salted caramel" donut, FACK get away from me with that salt shaker and your freaky eyes and your missionary zeal like you just discovered a new gospel, I just want a damn maple bar!
(https://www.chatelaine.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/Jamie-Oliver-Sticky-toffee-pudding-recipe.jpg)
https://www.chatelaine.com/recipe/desserts/jamie-olivers-sticky-toffee-pudding-recipe/ (https://www.chatelaine.com/recipe/desserts/jamie-olivers-sticky-toffee-pudding-recipe/)
Both baked as bundt cakes, which looks nice, but do people not have proper pudding molds over there any more? You are just going to dry the thing out and will force you to put more sauce on that you don't really need, it will rot your teeth and go straight to your gut. I am sure this pudding started out as a steamed suet pudding like everything else over there, and it would be fun to come up with a hypothetical original -- the aforementioned suet, leftover bread crumbs from yesterday's manchet, freaky things like rosewater and sack and about fifteen nutmegs. People try to tell you baking is a science but the truth is for steamed pudding you just mash whatever you want into a batterlike goo and, as long as you keep an eye on the proportions of fat, sugar, and flour and have an egg or two to bind it, it only takes a few hours to steam your abortion into submission. It is the most-forgiiving method of baking imaginable, never dry, never burnt. always tender and gentle. It will never do you wrong. Like papi.
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You will also notice that both recipes call for Medjool dates, which is laughable. You are pureeing the damn things into oblivion, you can use any old dried-up package of Sun Maid as long as you adjust the liquid accordingly. It is just the stupid English acting like they have discovered something new and putting it in everything for status reasons as they always do the bastards. As anyone on the best coast knows, where we have all been down to visit papi and learn about the bazillion varieties of dates they grow down there,
(https://i.pinimg.com/originals/df/6b/4e/df6b4e6d03e832ebf5e11e17ddabd644.jpg)
Medjools are unequaled for gooey sugary dark-molassey flavor (unless you can find one of the smaller varieties fresh on the stick where they haven't dried out so much and retain their delicacy -- not a problem if you have a decent Middle Eastern population in your area and aren't afraid of an ethnic grocery) for eating out of hand or stuffing with nuts and cheese and using for one of those clever Angels-On-Horseback twists everyone whips out summers on the barbecue, but if you are going to mash them all up it is a waste of a good high-quality date that can't really be improved upon as an eating experience. Use dried-up old garbage if you are going to steam it and f you want that subtle tang and dark-sugar flavor just add a tablespoon or two of molasses or treacle and another of citrus juice, doesn't matter what. Put some grated rind in, too, as long as you're at it. Silly English make me laugh.
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Look here is a retard who made the double-ginger pudding and proceeded to review it, only mentioning in passing that he/she added a half a can of pumpkin because it was just sitting around, which turned the dessert from an architectural wonder to something that looks like an incredibly accomplished bowel movement.
(https://preview.redd.it/y0wiyphas2741.jpg?width=960&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=123bd30a78b3afb257d80080d2adeceeded8af58)
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Oh now this is something! Here people are using the pudding as a base in which to serve poached pears, much like a clafoutis. Reminiscent of stargazer pie, or floating island! This is going on the list; it is spectacular:
(https://ilovecooking.ie/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/Ginger-Pear-Sticky-Toffee-Pudding-Final-Online-ILC-1476-scaled.jpg)
https://ilovecooking.ie/recipe-items/sticky-toffee-pear-pudding/ (https://ilovecooking.ie/recipe-items/sticky-toffee-pear-pudding/)
(https://i.redd.it/wp7ud690ztq11.jpg)
(https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1/2017/11/27/16/1802732-0-image-a-22_1511801905000.jpg)
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-5122029/Tanya-bakes-Christmas-Sticky-toffee-pear-traybake.html (https://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-5122029/Tanya-bakes-Christmas-Sticky-toffee-pear-traybake.html)
Will someone please tell me WHY we have begun using "bake" as a noun (makes me retch!) and inventing new things like "traybakes" when there are already plenty of words to describe bars, cobblers, crisps, and even my grandma without her glasses could see that the last thing is a plain sheet cake with pears in it. Makes me furious!
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You will also notice that both recipes call for Medjool dates, which is laughable. You are pureeing the damn things into oblivion, you can use any old dried-up package of Sun Maid as long as you adjust the liquid accordingly. It is just the stupid English acting like they have discovered something new and putting it in everything for status reasons as they always do the bastards. As anyone on the best coast knows, where we have all been down to visit papi and learn about the bazillion varieties of dates they grow down there,
(https://i.pinimg.com/originals/df/6b/4e/df6b4e6d03e832ebf5e11e17ddabd644.jpg)
Medjools are unequaled for gooey sugary dark-molassey flavor (unless you can find one of the smaller varieties fresh on the stick where they haven't dried out so much and retain their delicacy -- not a problem if you have a decent Middle Eastern population in your area and aren't afraid of an ethnic grocery) for eating out of hand or stuffing with nuts and cheese and using for one of those clever Angels-On-Horseback twists everyone whips out summers on the barbecue, but if you are going to mash them all up it is a waste of a good high-quality date that can't really be improved upon as an eating experience. Use dried-up old garbage if you are going to steam it and f you want that subtle tang and dark-sugar flavor just add a tablespoon or two of molasses or treacle and another of citrus juice, doesn't matter what. Put some grated rind in, too, as long as you're at it. Silly English make me laugh.
Hmm...I think they’re medjool but the container just says delicious pitted dates. They most closely resemble #7 though and are very sweet. Can dates ferment? I swear that I’m getting that slight waft of the start of alcohol now but when I eat them they still taste alright.
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Hmm...I think they’re medjool but the container just says delicious pitted dates. They most closely resemble #7 though and are very sweet. Can dates ferment? I swear that I’m getting that slight waft of the start of alcohol now but when I eat them they still taste alright.
Yes! If they are packed with enough liquid they can ferment, you can make date wine. Should be fine but if you're worried about nasty bacteria cooking them is the answer.
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Yes! If they are packed with enough liquid they can ferment, you can make date wine. Should be fine but if you're worried about nasty bacteria cooking them is the answer.
That was my thinking on the matter.
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I made some Rye Irish Soda Bread the other day to go with my Corned Beef & Cabbage. I threw in a little bit of some Vital Wheat Gluten for shits and giggles, AND made it with fake Buttermilk (Whole Milk + Apple Cider Vinegar) because I only had about a half cup of the "real" stuff left.
Turnt out pretty decent, although the bottom burned a bit even though I flipped it over in the middle of baking it...
I am contemplating either making cheese-toast or just regular toast in the broiler with the last half of it. Note to amateurs: electric toasters suck, real toast is made in a broiler, it is the only way.
I think I will do both cheese-toast and regular toast with it, and I will put honey and butter on the regular toast because that is how I roll.
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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I made some Rye Irish Soda Bread the other day to go with my Corned Beef & Cabbage. I threw in a little bit of some Vital Wheat Gluten for shits and giggles, AND made it with fake Buttermilk (Whole Milk + Apple Cider Vinegar) because I only had about a half cup of the "real" stuff left.
Turnt out pretty decent, although the bottom burned a bit even though I flipped it over in the middle of baking it...
I am contemplating either making cheese-toast or just regular toast in the broiler with the last half of it. Note to amateurs: electric toasters suck, real toast is made in a broiler, it is the only way.
I think I will do both cheese-toast and regular toast with it, and I will put honey and butter on the regular toast because that is how I roll.
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
Ha we are thinking the same! I made Swedish limpa (half-rye, with orange juice and peel and caraway seeds and molasses, so it's kind of soda-breadish) and nearly forgave that damned race of mercenary money-grubbers but then recalled myself to duty. #FUCKTHESWEDES
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Ha we are thinking the same! I made Swedish limpa (half-rye, with orange juice and peel and caraway seeds and molasses, so it's kind of soda-breadish) and nearly forgave that damned race of mercenary money-grubbers but then recalled myself to duty. #FUCKTHESWEDES
Is Swedish limpa a quick-bread? That was my main reason for making Soda Bread, I didn't want to wait around for the proof/punch-down/2nd-proof then bake cycle of a few hours... I suppose I could Goggle "Swedish limpa bread," but I like to hear from my Shadow Veep on such impotent subjects like baking and what-not. Plus it gives me the opportunity to write:
K_Dubb, Attend: We mustn't let the "Bakeries Not Fakeries" program fall by the wayside in this unfortunate time where the position of leadership in this country suffers from a sort of vacant infinite regression (think of how empty the chair is in the White Haus, and then think how empty the head is of the usurper sitting in it)...
I have said too much!
pate/K_Dubb 2020
"WHO shat in the interregnum?"
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Is Swedish limpa a quick-bread? That was my main reason for making Soda Bread, I didn't want to wait around for the proof/punch-down/2nd-proof then bake cycle of a few hours... I suppose I could Goggle "Swedish limpa bread," but I like to hear from my Shadow Veep on such impotent subjects like baking and what-not. Plus it gives me the opportunity to write:
K_Dubb, Attend: We mustn't let the "Bakeries Not Fakeries" program fall by the wayside in this unfortunate time where the position of leadership in this country suffers from a sort of vacant infinite regression (think of how empty the chair is in the White Haus, and then think how empty the head is of the usurper sitting in it)...
I have said too much!
pate/K_Dubb 2020
"WHO shat in the interregnum?"
It is not a quick bread per se, sir, but, as it is water- or sometimes beer-based, compared to the usual high-fat high-sugar milk-based doughs I make that really should languish overnight, it seems positively sprightly, particularly if I (sotto voce) omit the first rise. Despite liberal application of Vital Wheat Gluten I cannot get the kind of "crumb development" (really more swirls of stretched and folded flour) out of even a half-rye loaf that I can out of wheat so I am not inclined to bother with that whole thing. This means that, so long as I keep a fresh orange or two on hand, I am never no more than an hour and a half from a hot slab of fragrant limpa smothered in nutty high-fat 83% butter, within easy reach of a grumbly tummy.
I am very sorry for neglecting the matter of "Bakeries, not Fakeries", sir. I do believe we are in dire straits where commercial baking is concerned. The lobster-roll place is no longer selling homemade Boston Cream Pie so I went looking for it at the grocery, where I found it neatly presented on a scalloped gold-foil tray in its own plastic dome, with a plastic band around to keep the layers from sliding -- ok (I thought) this must be a decent cake, but: what a miserable concoction, industrial sponge with a Cool-Whip filling! I weep for the children, who will never know the succulence of creme patissiere or the luxurious melting velvet of real ganache! We must save our country. It is no wonder we can no longer tell an empty-headed old fool from a true statesman while our bellies are full of Cool Whip, forsooth!
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XryB2auCGOs
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...which turned the dessert from an architectural wonder to something that looks like an incredibly accomplished bowel movement.
Please, please tell me that is the review that you left on cooks.com.
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That was my thinking on the matter.
With Jack not being present to correct spelling or grammar, allow me.
"Thinking that was of mine on the matter."
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With Jack not being present to correct spelling or grammar, allow me.
"Thinking that was of mine on the matter."
Even Yoda wouldn’t be that confusing.
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Is there anything special we can prepare for Beltane?
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Is there anything special we can prepare for Beltane?
(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a4/Tippaleip%C3%A4.JPG)
https://www.saveur.com/article/Recipes/Tippaleipa-Finnish-May-Day-Funnel-Cakes/ (https://www.saveur.com/article/Recipes/Tippaleipa-Finnish-May-Day-Funnel-Cakes/)
Funnel cakes! (It is called Valborgsnatt (Walpurgis Night) in Scandinavia. Traditionally too soon for fresh berries so it is a rerun of fried Carnival foods. Bonfires and drinking (especially champage) are obligatory.
If you want something more Celtic there is apparently an oatmeal bannock baked in Scotland but how that differs from every other Scottish Thursday escapes me.
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Here we go! Beltane Bannock with Caudle and Human Sacrifice - how pagan can you get?!?! https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/how-to-make-beltane-bannock-oatcake.amp (https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/how-to-make-beltane-bannock-oatcake.amp)
(https://assets.atlasobscura.com/media/W1siZiIsInVwbG9hZHMvYXNzZXRzL2U0YTAyNDNkY2RiNDVmMTFhMV9iZWx0YW5lYmFubm9jazIuanBnIl0sWyJwIiwiY29udmVydCIsIiJdLFsicCIsImNvbnZlcnQiLCItcXVhbGl0eSA4MSAtYXV0by1vcmllbnQiXSxbInAiLCJ0aHVtYiIsIjEyODB4NzIwIyJdXQ/beltanebannock2.jpg)
The caudle seems to be one of those runny custards they like over there, the suggested (but obviously unused) saffron would keep it from looking like baby barf.
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Here they have baked the egg mess on top of the bannock, that looks much better. I think I would prefer this bannock, with the fruits in:
(https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4074/4784772806_a3201b7ba4.jpg)
With Beltane lore
http://www.tairis.co.uk/recipes/festival-bannocks-and-caudle/ (http://www.tairis.co.uk/recipes/festival-bannocks-and-caudle/)
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Sir, I am thinking of trying to make the fresh cheese you make to use in the molded spread thingie you put on my Russian Penis Cake. Can you use fresh milk, or must it be a week old like you do?
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Here we go! Beltane Bannock with Caudle and Human Sacrifice - how pagan can you get?!?! https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/how-to-make-beltane-bannock-oatcake.amp (https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/how-to-make-beltane-bannock-oatcake.amp)
(https://assets.atlasobscura.com/media/W1siZiIsInVwbG9hZHMvYXNzZXRzL2U0YTAyNDNkY2RiNDVmMTFhMV9iZWx0YW5lYmFubm9jazIuanBnIl0sWyJwIiwiY29udmVydCIsIiJdLFsicCIsImNvbnZlcnQiLCItcXVhbGl0eSA4MSAtYXV0by1vcmllbnQiXSxbInAiLCJ0aHVtYiIsIjEyODB4NzIwIyJdXQ/beltanebannock2.jpg)
The caudle seems to be one of those runny custards they like over there, the suggested (but obviously unused) saffron would keep it from looking like baby barf.
Excellent reference. The food may be bland but the pageantry is dramatic, something reminiscent of the Cremation of Care.
And interestingly, Julius Caesar, himself, claimed to have witnessed the possible preparation for a Wicker Man sacrifice.
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Sir, I am thinking of trying to make the fresh cheese you make to use in the molded spread thingie you put on my Russian Penis Cake. Can you use fresh milk, or must it be a week old like you do?
For some reason I think this is addressed to me? Are you talking about making ricotta? Yes you absolutely can use fresh milk, I just find that older milk that is not sour yet has more flavor.
Per quart of Milk it is 2-3 fluid ounces of fresh citrus juice. I use fresh lime juice, but you can use lemon too. Never tried it with orange or grapefruit? I think there needs to be a lot of acidity in the juice, so Oranges might not work so great.
Anyway, yes to fresh. Make sure it is Whole Milk (red HOMO<--- ha!). Very slowly heat the milk up in a non-reactive pot to 180F, hold at 180F for five minutes then gently stir in the juice and pour it through rinsed cheesecloth (you might fold it a few times so you get all the curds) and let it rest in the cheese cloth for a minimum of ONE HOUR undisturbed (the curds will cool a bit and stick together). That gets you "juicy" or "wet" ricotta; If you want a "dry" ricotta tie it off in the cheesecloth, suspend it over a container (I hang it in a 2q Rubbermaid "KoolAid" pitcher with some bamboo skewers X'ed across the top) and throw it into the fridge for 24-hours.
You might do a quick "Goggle" search about making DIY ricotta, pretty sure about 180F temperature and hold time, but I may be off on the amount per quart of juice. Trust but Vara-fy and all that good stuff.
Russian Penis Cake! Haha...
Don't forget to save/freeze all the whey liquid for your high-protein bread. I think a gallon of milk makes about a Pint of ricotta, btw. Also the riccota freezes great if you make too much.
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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For some reason I think this is addressed to me? Are you talking about making ricotta? Yes you absolutely can use fresh milk, I just find that older milk that is not sour yet has more flavor.
Per quart of Milk it is 2-3 fluid ounces of fresh citrus juice. I use fresh lime juice, but you can use lemon too. Never tried it with orange or grapefruit? I think there needs to be a lot of acidity in the juice, so Oranges might not work so great.
Anyway, yes to fresh. Make sure it is Whole Milk (red HOMO<--- ha!). Very slowly heat the milk up in a non-reactive pot to 180F, hold at 180F for five minutes then gently stir in the juice and pour it through rinsed cheesecloth (you might fold it a few times so you get all the curds) and let it rest in the cheese cloth for a minimum of ONE HOUR undisturbed (the curds will cool a bit and stick together). That gets you "juicy" or "wet" ricotta; If you want a "dry" ricotta tie it off in the cheesecloth, suspend it over a container (I hang it in a 2q Rubbermaid "KoolAid" pitcher with some bamboo skewers X'ed across the top) and throw it into the fridge for 24-hours.
You might do a quick "Goggle" search about making DIY ricotta, pretty sure about 180F temperature and hold time, but I may be off on the amount per quart of juice. Trust but Vara-fy and all that good stuff.
Russian Penis Cake! Haha...
Don't forget to save/freeze all the whey liquid for your high-protein bread. I think a gallon of milk makes about a Pint of ricotta, btw. Also the riccota freezes great if you make too much.
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
Thank you, sir; I will give it a shot! The cheese is to be mixed with cream and egg yolks and raisins and citrus peels and sugar and some other things I forget and the whole mass pressed in a cheesecloth-lined mold overnight so I am thinking the wet product will work, though I feel the sudden need for a cheese centrifuge or a repurposed salad spinner.
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Thank you, sir; I will give it a shot! The cheese is to be mixed with cream and egg yolks and raisins and citrus peels and sugar and some other things I forget and the whole mass pressed in a cheesecloth-lined mold overnight so I am thinking the wet product will work, though I feel the sudden need for a cheese centrifuge or a repurposed salad spinner.
K_Dubb, Attend:
After recommending that you Goggle "DIY ricotta" I decided that I would do the same, I note that you will be mixing the cheese with cream, egg yolks &c...
Some of the Suzy Homemaker recipes I saw on my Goggle resluts page used both Whole (Red Homo) Milk and Heavy Cream as primary ingredients for their version of DIY ricotta. I do not see a problem with this addition of Heavy Cream to the process, since you have some anyway you might try throwing that in there during the heat and hold phase.
Your recipe being a "Russian Penis Cake" almost demands that you use Heavy Cream in the cheese curd process I would think. I have a feeling that this addition to the recipe might make your DIY ricotta even "creamier" and might increase the size of the curd, making for a somewhat "chunkier" style of fromage.
Also, the Suzy Homemaker recipes seemed to vary on the amount of time for the cheese to "drain"; some had as few as 10 minutes claiming that this resluted in a more viscous final product.
Additionally, Vinegar apparently can be used in lieu of citrus juice as well. For your recipe I would try Apple Cider Vinegar or some other "fruity" type (Strawberry?), if you use vinegar. For the citrus juice method I would go with Lemon over Lime (Pineapple?!?!), as that will be a touch sweeter.
In all honesty, I have found that the Lime juice method I use imparts almost no flavor to the curds: it is there but you have to be looking for it. But the whey liquid has a lot of the Lime flavor, which I suppose would increase that flavor profile in the "wet & creamy" version of the final cheese product.
I don't believe the Suzy Homemaker recipes I found had considered any of the above, you might consider all of that while preparing your "Russian Penis Cake," you probably want that "filling" to taste really good, non?
I think this little project of yours might be an ambassador of a sort for the "Bakeries, Not Fakeries" MAPA initiative. Now get out there and fix that shit!
pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO shat in the interregnum?"
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K_Dubb, Attend:
After recommending that you Goggle "DIY ricotta" I decided that I would do the same, I note that you will be mixing the cheese with cream, egg yolks &c...
Some of the Suzy Homemaker recipes I saw on my Goggle resluts page used both Whole (Red Homo) Milk and Heavy Cream as primary ingredients for their version of DIY ricotta. I do not see a problem with this addition of Heavy Cream to the process, since you have some anyway you might try throwing that in there during the heat and hold phase.
Your recipe being a "Russian Penis Cake" almost demands that you use Heavy Cream in the cheese curd process I would think. I have a feeling that this addition to the recipe might make your DIY ricotta even "creamier" and might increase the size of the curd, making for a somewhat "chunkier" style of fromage.
Also, the Suzy Homemaker recipes seemed to vary on the amount of time for the cheese to "drain"; some had as few as 10 minutes claiming that this resluted in a more viscous final product.
Additionally, Vinegar apparently can be used in lieu of citrus juice as well. For your recipe I would try Apple Cider Vinegar or some other "fruity" type (Strawberry?), if you use vinegar. For the citrus juice method I would go with Lemon over Lime (Pineapple?!?!), as that will be a touch sweeter.
In all honesty, I have found that the Lime juice method I use imparts almost no flavor to the curds: it is there but you have to be looking for it. But the whey liquid has a lot of the Lime flavor, which I suppose would increase that flavor profile in the "wet & creamy" version of the final cheese product.
I don't believe the Suzy Homemaker recipes I found had considered any of the above, you might consider all of that while preparing your "Russian Penis Cake," you probably want that "filling" to taste really good, non?
I think this little project of yours might be an ambassador of a sort for the "Bakeries, Not Fakeries" MAPA initiative. Now get out there and fix that shit!
pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO shat in the interregnum?"
Thank you! The filling should be rich and creamy, yes sir! Per the recipe I will be using a lemon flavoring so the lemon juice used to separate the curds should only be enhanced. I have purchased a couple pounds of full-fat cottage cheese to puree in the event the experiment fails.
Also, Roz says 'hello'.
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Sir, I am pleased to report that, thanks to your tutelage, my cheese-making was an unqualified success! I did not consult any Suzy-homemaker recipes but relied entirely upon your guidance. I used most of a gallon of milk and three lemons. Thank you!
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I have "hijacked" the Shadow President's intar-tube connection in yore thyme-lein for my own purposes, but I am curious as to what yield (kT average, converted to Imperial) you achieved with the experiment? Did the gallon of unrefined (RED, homo) yield the expected pint of fissile material? More, less?
The scientists in my brane would be most interested in yore results, it may have a military application for the Space Force in our current campaign against insurgents on the planet Ares.
Unfortunately, I am unable to divulge the specific munitions data; as that might result in a corruption of yore thyme-lein, and they may not even matter due to differences in the Laws of the Physic that the two dimensions may (or may not) share.
My mother-in-law has a great recipe that uses this home-brew fromage for the family las-gun'yuh recipe, and she is NUTZ! Hah, I promise that this is only for culinary interest that I ask.
-COL Manly
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I have "hijacked" the Shadow President's intar-tube connection in yore thyme-lein for my own purposes, but I am curious as to what yield (kT average, converted to Imperial) you achieved with the experiment? Did the gallon of unrefined (RED, homo) yield the expected pint of fissile material? More, less?
The scientists in my brane would be most interested in yore results, it may have a military application for the Space Force in our current campaign against insurgents on the planet Ares.
Unfortunately, I am unable to divulge the specific munitions data; as that might result in a corruption of yore thyme-lein, and they may not even matter due to differences in the Laws of the Physic that the two dimensions may (or may not) share.
My mother-in-law has a great recipe that uses this home-brew fromage for the family las-gun'yuh recipe, and she is NUTZ! Hah, I promise that this is only for culinary interest that I ask.
-COL Manly
Sir, it was a bit more than two pounds and, as the lump is now mixed with egg yolks, heavy cream, etc. as well as an ungodly amount of sugar I cannot swear as to its volume but I would believe it to be a little more than two cups. I cooled it and let it drip for ten minutes, reasoning that it would have ample opportunity to shed excess moisture through the open end of the cheese mold overnight, but I am distressed this morning to see that it peed but a little. Once I invert it and take the mold apart I am sure that the whole structure will collapse in a great gush of curdled creamy white goo and I shall be a laughing-stock before the assembled host, who will nonetheless spread it happily across the slabs of Penis Cake to relieve its desiccation -- if all goes well this will be the longest Penis Cake I have made and the internet is replete with horror stories of untimely deflation as it is pulled from the oven (at the moment of climax, if you will) and I am sure I will keep it in there a little too long. The morning is fraught with anxiety!
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Sir, it was a bit more than two pounds and, as the lump is now mixed with egg yolks, heavy cream, etc. as well as an ungodly amount of sugar I cannot swear as to its volume but I would believe it to be a little more than two cups. I cooled it and let it drip for ten minutes, reasoning that it would have ample opportunity to shed excess moisture through the open end of the cheese mold overnight, but I am distressed this morning to see that it peed but a little. Once I invert it and take the mold apart I am sure that the whole structure will collapse in a great gush of curdled creamy white goo and I shall be a laughing-stock before the assembled host, who will nonetheless spread it happily across the slabs of Penis Cake to relieve its desiccation -- if all goes well this will be the longest Penis Cake I have made and the internet is replete with horror stories of untimely deflation as it is pulled from the oven (at the moment of climax, if you will) and I am sure I will keep it in there a little too long. The morning is fraught with anxiety!
K_Dubb, Attend:
Do not forget to document the process via High Definition photographic imagery, if it turns out to be "The Crime of The Century" the State will need evidence at the trial.
My administration takes the "Bakeries, Not Fakeries" pogrom very seriously. Your steady hand at the wheel does not provide immunity from the Uniform Code of Patian Justice!
pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO shat in the interregnum?"
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K_Dubb, Attend:
Do not forget to document the process via High Definition photographic imagery, if it turns out to be "The Crime of The Century" the State will need evidence at the trial.
My administration takes the "Bakeries, Not Fakeries" pogrom very seriously. Your steady hand at the wheel does not provide immunity from the Uniform Code of Patian Justice!
pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO shat in the interregnum?"
I tremble at the righteousness of this cause, sir, and I will not attempt to cover my shame. Giant full-color images of ignominious defeat shall be forthcoming!
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I shall begin with the high (literally) point: the bread itself did not collapse. This is a bread called kulich or pashka or some variation of those (pashka is just the word for Easter), similar to the sweet doughs with which I am familiar with the addition of sour cream and lots of egg yolks. As it has been traditionally baked in coffee cans since at least the Soviet era, I sewed (punched holes in and threaded together) two 1 1/2 -lb. cans. I wanted to use 2 2-lb. cans but this would have been too tall for my oven. It came out at a very respectable 12 inches and very very girthy.
I had aimed to overtop the cans producing the sort of mushroom head that brings peens to mind but only managed a dome. It is funny, in a lot of recipes there are warnings to continue the parchment-paper wrapping past the end of the can "in order to keep the top even" i. e. not looking so much like a giant ween).
Baking was complicated. There is no toothpick alive that can tell you whether the middle is done and I shrunk at using a bamboo knitting needle to make a peen slit in the top by way of testing, and guessed: 55 minutes at 375. Wrong! The middle was still pretty doughy. Breads and cakes bake from the outside in -- this is why they dome -- and the soggy center suggested a vast reserve of potential upward thrust sadly untapped. My theory is that the shiny cans reflect heat away from the cake like foil, and also it is very girthy,defying the penetration of the heat. I am sure I could have gone another half hour :(
(https://i.ibb.co/fSPjcyD/rpc-cake.png)
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K_Dubb, Attend:
After recommending that you Goggle "DIY ricotta" I decided that I would do the same, I note that you will be mixing the cheese with cream, egg yolks &c...
Some of the Suzy Homemaker recipes I saw on my Goggle resluts page used both Whole (Red Homo) Milk and Heavy Cream as primary ingredients for their version of DIY ricotta. I do not see a problem with this addition of Heavy Cream to the process, since you have some anyway you might try throwing that in there during the heat and hold phase.
Your recipe being a "Russian Penis Cake" almost demands that you use Heavy Cream in the cheese curd process I would think. I have a feeling that this addition to the recipe might make your DIY ricotta even "creamier" and might increase the size of the curd, making for a somewhat "chunkier" style of fromage.
Also, the Suzy Homemaker recipes seemed to vary on the amount of time for the cheese to "drain"; some had as few as 10 minutes claiming that this resluted in a more viscous final product.
Additionally, Vinegar apparently can be used in lieu of citrus juice as well. For your recipe I would try Apple Cider Vinegar or some other "fruity" type (Strawberry?), if you use vinegar. For the citrus juice method I would go with Lemon over Lime (Pineapple?!?!), as that will be a touch sweeter.
In all honesty, I have found that the Lime juice method I use imparts almost no flavor to the curds: it is there but you have to be looking for it. But the whey liquid has a lot of the Lime flavor, which I suppose would increase that flavor profile in the "wet & creamy" version of the final cheese product.
I don't believe the Suzy Homemaker recipes I found had considered any of the above, you might consider all of that while preparing your "Russian Penis Cake," you probably want that "filling" to taste really good, non?
I think this little project of yours might be an ambassador of a sort for the "Bakeries, Not Fakeries" MAPA initiative. Now get out there and fix that shit!
pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO shat in the interregnum?"
Homo milk. "Fruity" vinegar. It is almost like you are hinting at something...
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Thank you! The filling should be rich and creamy, yes sir! Per the recipe I will be using a lemon flavoring so the lemon juice used to separate the curds should only be enhanced. I have purchased a couple pounds of full-fat cottage cheese to puree in the event the experiment fails.
Also, Roz says 'hello'.
Can she explain her absence?
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Can she explain her absence?
When I mentioned Azzgab she asked "isn't that where people go to be doxxed?" I suggested the usual methods of preserving anonymity and she did not dismiss the idea outright.
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When I mentioned Azzgab she asked "isn't that where people go to be doxxed?" I suggested the usual methods of preserving anonymity and she did not dismiss the idea outright.
Would it be too creepy to suggest that we all already know who she is and it does not matter? You could also say that there is no way that Azz will every collect as much info on her as Suckerberg has.
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Would it be too creepy to suggest that we all already know who she is and it does not matter? You could also say that there is no way that Azz will every collect as much info on her as Suckerberg has.
I wish I had thought of that! I will try to work it in if she keeps talking to me.
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"What is going on with the top of the cake?" I hear you ask. "Why is it all lumpy?" Well, I shall tell you: I attempted a decoration using the letters "XB" for something that sounds like "crusty bokkenpootjes" and means "Christ is Risen", commonly seen on a lot of their Easter stuff, ropes of dough anchored by little balls at where the serifs would be. Here, in this exceptionally large and detailed photo, you can just make out the remains of the "X" on the left where the dough-pipe's upward thrust consigned it to wander way over there like a lost chromosome, along with the sole remaining little ball that probably belonged to the "B" but who is to say? You can plainly sense the force driving up through the middle of the bread, coursing with frothing yeasty potential energy, ready to burst through the screen at you!
(https://i.ibb.co/mFvpFcS/rpoctop.png)
The only remains of the "B" are the blackened thing that looks like a slug, or possibly a turd.
Subjecting these holy initials to such rude and aggressive treatment brings up all sorts of moral questions, which is probably why it is seldom done in this manner (though I can cite some photographs) but this is wisdom that came far too late. Dear sweet Jesus, have mercy, and thank You for the grace of frosting and sprinkles!
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I am reminded of the story of Cain and Able. Scholars have debated the reason for God's rejection of Able's sacrifice for centuries. I believe the correct answer to be that Able was vaccinated with an abomination of a vaccine such as that developed for the WooFloo. If only you were still pure- the XB would be crisp and clean...
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I am reminded of the story of Cain and Able. Scholars have debated the reason for God's rejection of Able's sacrifice for centuries. I believe the correct answer to be that Able was vaccinated with an abomination of a vaccine such as that developed for the WooFloo. If only you were still pure- the XB would be crisp and clean...
In point of fact I was inviolate while baking the cake but had already formed the intent to surrender my body to the Deep State and the Jews, which has important implications for when sin is imputed. In any event I am well and proper stuck now so, in my posts, you all can monitor the progress of Bill Gates's prions as they reduce my cerebellum to sponge. Already one eye droops, my tongue lolls idly like a dead squid in the surf, and my balls are aflame.
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Here we come to the greatest article of shame, the molded cheese-thing or "pashka". As I feared, the comparatively wet curds did not provide enough structure and the little pyramid looked great for no more than five seconds before it began its inexorable slump. I did not bother to decorate it with candied fruit and nuts, or put a candle on top, as the jeers of the multitude were too much to bear.
(https://i.ibb.co/cTgQDnR/rpc-pashka.png)
I could blame the mold (really a poor design, stupid Russians) and recite the usual home-baker's formula of how "everyone ate it and seemed happy with it anyway" but in truth it was a disgrace, and the flavor of pure white homemade cheese sweetened, creamed, delicately scented with orange blossom and lemon and nutmeg will always turn to gall on my poor tongue.
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Here we come to the greatest article of shame, the molded cheese-thing or "pashka". As I feared, the comparatively wet curds did not provide enough structure and the little pyramid looked great for no more than five seconds before it began its inexorable slump. I did not bother to decorate it with candied fruit and nuts, or put a candle on top, as the jeers of the multitude were too much to bear.
(https://i.ibb.co/cTgQDnR/rpc-pashka.png)
I could blame the mold (really a poor design, stupid Russians) and recite the usual home-baker's formula of how "everyone ate it and seemed happy with it anyway" but in truth it was a disgrace, and the flavor of pure white homemade cheese sweetened, creamed, delicately scented with orange blossom and lemon and nutmeg will always turn to gall on my poor tongue.
(https://i.pinimg.com/originals/60/f7/a2/60f7a28fce40bcfc4ad1a9509153886a.jpg)
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Here, with the penis cake exuberantly spooged, is the full measure of my disgrace:
(https://i.ibb.co/FXmCWrw/rpc-pashka-kulich.png)
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Here, with the penis cake exuberantly spooged, is the full measure of my disgrace:
(https://i.ibb.co/FXmCWrw/rpc-pashka-kulich.png)
Your molded fresh cheese thing-a-ma-bob looks sort of like a giant White Chocolate Hershey's Kiss from that angle. Is that a mostly eaten quiche I spy in the back (top-right)? Spinach quiche?
A question on the "Russian Penis Cake:" are Rainbow Sprinkles in fact a historical anachronism, or were they readily available to the peasant/slavs working class in the People's Paradise at the time?
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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Your molded fresh cheese thing-a-ma-bob looks sort of like a giant White Chocolate Hershey's Kiss from that angle. Is that a mostly eaten quiche I spy in the back (top-right)? Spinach quiche?
A question on the "Russian Penis Cake:" are Rainbow Sprinkles in fact a historical anachronism, or were they readily available to the peasant/slavs working class in the People's Paradise at the time?
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
Yes spinach and bacon quiche, the local grocery makes a pretty good one! I don’t know how far back the sprinkles go but most pictures of kulichs (and the small ones they sell at the Russian store) all have them, at least the Soviet era I think. Communism was not so bleak and joyless after all.
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...(https://i.ibb.co/FXmCWrw/rpc-pashka-kulich.png)
Now looking at it, the molded fresh cheese thing-a-ma-bob sitting next to the white "Russian Penis Cake" takes on the possible appearance of what ever that little bit left-over from a circumcision is called. Ouch!
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-751aabd8db77a36e59fddc37ed2546e4)
(I hope JaxTar doesn't see this post, it might set him off to rocking on one of his favorite hobby-horses...)
Apogees!
For some reason I feel like I need to include a "Hi, Roz!" in this post, Nautical Shore.
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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I'm here for the penis cake.
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Yay Roz ❤️❤️❤️ Show no mercy!
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Yay Roz ❤️❤️❤️ Show no mercy!
I'm sure I don't know what you mean. I've come for the Russian Penis Cake but I'll stay in hopes you make a Puerto Rican Penis Cake.
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Here you can see my poor once-proud pashka is now almost supine, but this gives you an idea of how the kulich is traditionally eaten. Slices are taken from directly under the "head", which is then replaced to keep the truncated leftovers fresh.
(https://i.ibb.co/py2qRNR/rpc-aftermath.png)
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I'm sure I don't know what you mean. I've come for the Russian Penis Cake but I'll stay in hopes you make a Puerto Rican Penis Cake.
Twelve solid inches of Russian ramrod Slavic salami are not enough for you, the woman is insatiable people hahaha
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Yay Roz ❤️❤️❤️ Show no mercy!
Hooray! Roz is here!
(https://external-preview.redd.it/HhmiahWhC6zy17KiFTs9NrrUKP4gWNt_j0NMbxJBCbk.jpg?width=960&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=b64830f2ae85368219b1394bf90885d58bc01061)
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Here you can see my poor once-proud pashka is now almost supine, but this gives you an idea of how the kulich is traditionally eaten. Slices are taken from directly under the "head", which is then replaced to keep the truncated leftovers fresh.
(https://i.ibb.co/py2qRNR/rpc-aftermath.png)
Well, I think it's beautiful. It would look perfect on my bedside table, right next to my pickle jar full of them.
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Twelve solid inches of Russian ramrod Slavic salami are not enough for you, the woman is insatiable people hahaha
Don't bother looking up the Puerto Rican version. I made it up, but, as they say, "necessity is the mother of invention."
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I'm sure I don't know what you mean. I've come for the Russian Penis Cake but I'll stay in hopes you make a Puerto Rican Penis Cake.
Hi, Roz! I think everyone (mostly) has missed you.
Two puppy pictures to commemorate the day (one Russian & one Puerto Rican):
(https://i1.wp.com/doglers.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Borzoi-Puppy-Image.jpg?resize=982%2C774)(https://image.slidesharecdn.com/mastines-121211070941-phpapp02/95/mastines-6-638.jpg?cb=1355209834)
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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Hi, Roz! I think everyone (mostly) has missed you.
Two puppy pictures to commemorate the day (one Russian & one Puerto Rican):
(https://i1.wp.com/doglers.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Borzoi-Puppy-Image.jpg?resize=982%2C774)(https://image.slidesharecdn.com/mastines-121211070941-phpapp02/95/mastines-6-638.jpg?cb=1355209834)
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
Hi pate! Last week someone I know went to visit his hometown of Wichita. I was going to ask him if he knew you but then I thought, "pate might not be his real name", so I didn't say anything. Cute dogs.
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Hooray! Roz is here!
(https://external-preview.redd.it/HhmiahWhC6zy17KiFTs9NrrUKP4gWNt_j0NMbxJBCbk.jpg?width=960&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=b64830f2ae85368219b1394bf90885d58bc01061)
Haha, too much cuteness in this thread.
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Today I will begin making a Boston Cream Pie because the lobster roll place isn't selling their homemade version any more -- something to do with how messy it is to serve and people complaining -- and because my dad loves anything with ganache all over it. I am looking at this recipe https://preppykitchen.com/boston-cream-pie/ (https://preppykitchen.com/boston-cream-pie/) but I do not want a store-style dry fluffy sponge and think I will change the cake out for this which is used as the base for kvæfjordkake or verdensbestekake as it sometimes called https://northwildkitchen.com/kvaefjordkake-worlds-best-cake/ (https://northwildkitchen.com/kvaefjordkake-worlds-best-cake/)
From the original
2 large eggs room temperature
1 cup cane sugar 200g
½ cup whole milk 120mL
5 tablespoons unsalted butter 70g
1 cup all-purpose flour plus 2 tablespoons, 140g
1¼ teaspoons baking powder
¼ teaspoon kosher salt
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
to be replaced with
½ cup (112 g) butter
½ cup plus 2 tablespoons (125 g) granulated sugar
4 large egg yolks
4 tablespoons milk
1 ¼ cup (150 g) all-purpose flour
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon vanilla sugar
which has 4 yolks instead of two whole eggs, nearly twice the butter, and, somewhat worryingly, only half the sugar. The 1:1 sugar-to-flour ratio in the original seems like it might be a little excessive, but perhaps there might be a reason for it? He is using bittersweet chocolate, maybe it needs to be offset? The lobster shack puts a decorative swirl of what looks to be simple icing (powdered sugar in milk or water) on theirs, maybe for that reason. I want a robust cake, since the chocolate will harden considerably when cool and pastry cream is plenty sturdy. Any advice would be welcome.
I am also thinking of putting in one of those baking emulsions I learned about from Pye, either Princess Cake or Buttery Sweet Dough, both of which (in addition to vanilla) have a subtle but good high-quality lemony tang, a plain vanilla cake seems like a failure of imagination. Will this gild the lily?
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Well, I think it's beautiful. It would look perfect on my bedside table, right next to my pickle jar full of them.
Thank you, Roz. Not having a family history of these I do not know how it compares to people's grandmothers and my Russian neighbors are too polite to tell me otherwise, but it did compare favorably with other penis cakes I have known, mostly from the Russian grocery, which of course are not fresh.
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Hi pate! Last week someone I know went to visit his hometown of Wichita. I was going to ask him if he knew you but then I thought, "pate might not be his real name", so I didn't say anything. Cute dogs.
Wichita is pretty deep in Kansas-land, as a Proud Missourian I try to avoid going there as much as possible. They do have a catchy little tourism commercial:
https://youtu.be/ajRmrbkz8VA
At first I found it to be annoying, but it eventually grew on me. If your friend was from Kansas City, it is incredibly possible that I know him; or at least we have a friend in common. The Seven Degrees of Separation/Kevin Bacon rule is more like two or three in KCMO, it is a strange Little Big Town.
(https://petlandstl.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/1713467_800.jpg)
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Wichita is pretty deep in Kansas-land, as a Proud Missourian I try to avoid going there as much as possible. They do have a catchy little tourism commercial:
https://youtu.be/ajRmrbkz8VA
At first I found it to be annoying, but it eventually grew on me. If your friend was from Kansas City, it is incredibly possible that I know him; or at least we have a friend in common. The Seven Degrees of Separation/Kevin Bacon rule is more like two or three in KCMO, it is a strange Little Big Town.
(https://petlandstl.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/1713467_800.jpg)
Oh, you're from the city, not the state.
Wichita seems fun, drinks on fire, hitting things with a mallet...hats.
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I don't suppose anyone on this site would be allowed to be a member of a golf club, but let me tell you that the writing's on the wall when they allow women in. They giggle inappropriately and make me self-conscious when I start telling inappropriate stories or pick my nose. Kick this wench out of our treehouse immediately!
#NoChicks
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I don't suppose anyone on this site would be allowed to be a member of a golf club, but let me tell you that the writing's on the wall when they allow women in. They giggle inappropriately and make me self-conscious when I start telling inappropriate stories or pick my nose. Kick this wench out of our treehouse immediately!
#NoChicks
No you beastly creature, I invited her here! Roz is one of those rare females who actually enjoys the company of men and acquits herself accordingly, it is no wonder you are quaking in fear! Your house of cards is about to come tumbling down around your ears and I am fairly giddy with anticipation.
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No you beastly creature, I invited her here! Roz is one of those rare females who actually enjoys the company of men and acquits herself accordingly, it is no wonder you are quaking in fear! Your house of cards is about to come tumbling down around your ears and I am fairly giddy with anticipation.
Of course, if you feel you need to call in back-up I would be the last person to deny you that comfort...
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Of course, if you feel you need to call in back-up I would be the last person to deny you that comfort...
What are you talking about you dingbat, I am far more exposed than you! Just today I claimed to have eaten trees which, when you consider a passing mention of pickled pumpkin several years ago was enough to get the hairy eyeball from the lady in question, must have set off all kinds of suspicions. I believe the exact language I used invited her to “demolish my pretenses” or something equally silly. I’m just glad she showed up. You are the one puling like a perfect poltroon.
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I don't suppose anyone on this site would be allowed to be a member of a golf club, but let me tell you that the writing's on the wall when they allow women in. They giggle inappropriately and make me self-conscious when I start telling inappropriate stories or pick my nose. Kick this wench out of our treehouse immediately!
#NoChicks
Everyone's male here?! Yeesh, I guess I shouldn't have made that penis-jar joke. I mean, 'know your audience' amirite? Just to be clear I do not have a jar of penises on my bedside table.
Speaking of dismemberment, I've been watching Hannibal on Netflix lately, it's pretty good. Before you start thinking I'm a total psycho I do have to skip the gory parts. It gets removed on June 4th so make haste.
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Everyone's male here?! Yeesh, I guess I shouldn't have made that penis-jar joke. I mean, 'know your audience' amirite? Just to be clear I do not have a jar of penises on my bedside table.
Speaking of dismemberment, I've been watching Hannibal on Netflix lately, it's pretty good. Before you start thinking I'm a total psycho I do have to skip the gory parts. It gets removed on June 4th so make haste.
Don't forget, K_Dubb was kept in a cage under the stairs by his Bible-freak parents until he was 25, thus rendering him unacquainted with pop culture, weird, and gay. Mention Hannibal to him and he'll think you're talking about the Carthaginian elephant-enthusiast.
I saw some of it and thought it was artsy balls, but one man's penis cake etc...
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What are you talking about you dingbat, I am far more exposed than you! Just today I claimed to have eaten trees which, when you consider a passing mention of pickled pumpkin several years ago was enough to get the hairy eyeball from the lady in question, must have set off all kinds of suspicions. I believe the exact language I used invited her to “demolish my pretenses” or something equally silly. I’m just glad she showed up. You are the one puling like a perfect poltroon.
It's a shame I moved out of the Pacific northwest before I realized you can make pine needle tea.
Also, I don't remember the pickled pumpkin incident. Are you sure it was me? My memory has been terrible lately. Hopefully it's stress induced and temporary.
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Don't forget, K_Dubb was kept in a cage under the stairs by his Bible-freak parents
I can relate. I didn't enjoy it as much as K. Dubb seems to have.
I saw some of it and thought it was artsy balls, but one man's penis cake etc...
It is. It gets even more artsy as it goes on. I don't think it will age well and the ending is a bit cringe. I still liked it though, thought it was unique.
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It's a shame I moved out of the Pacific northwest before I realized you can make pine needle tea.
Also, I don't remember the pickled pumpkin incident. Are you sure it was me? My memory has been terrible lately. Hopefully it's stress induced and temporary.
I’m sorry, honey. Yes, it was years ago in a gabcast chat where you questioned its use in a Christmas bread, and whether the ginger I pickled it with is a Nordic spice. You thought I was trolling you. I believe your words were something along the lines of, “you’re trolling me”. I thought it was cute, so I remembered.
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I ... pick my nose. Kick this wench out of our treehouse immediately!
#NoChicks
Just for that I am going to use the GI-Bill benefits I promised to sign over to her to enroll in the last two classes I need for the old degree (sawry, Roz! There should be a tiny bit left if you want it...) one of which is going to be "Wimmin's Literature."
Apparently I need to find copies of the following:
"Beloved" (https://www.amazon.com/Beloved-Toni-Morrison/dp/1400033411/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=isbn+9781400033416&qid=1620684049&s=instant-video&sr=1-1) - Toni Morrison
"Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic" (https://www.amazon.com/Fun-Home-Tragicomic-Alison-Bechdel/dp/0618871713/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=isbn+9780544709041&qid=1620684140&s=instant-video&sr=1-1) - Allison Bechdel
"Emma" (https://www.amazon.com/Emma-Penguin-Classics-Jane-Austen/dp/0141439580/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=isbn+9780141439587&qid=1620684219&s=instant-video&sr=1-1) - Jane Austen
&
"Sing, Unburied, Sing: A Novel" (https://www.amazon.com/Sing-Unburied-Novel-Jesmyn-Ward/dp/1501126075/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=isbn+9781501126062&qid=1620684287&s=instant-video&sr=1-1) - Jesmyn Ward
I am looking forward to this class: it is sure to be full of hawt Commie-chicks, FemiNazis and Cat-Ladies. The instructor appears to be a dude, probably a gay, cuckold and/or soy-boi. I will of course get an A due to my superior Manliness and Testosterone levels, unfortunately I will not be able to attend shirtless. That would probably be a vulgar display of power...
I am surprised there is no Cookbook or Baking Compendium for this class. I will be sure to bring my copy of "River Road Recipes: The Textbook of Louisiana Cuisine" (https://www.amazon.com/River-Road-Recipes-Textbook-Louisiana/dp/0961302631/ref=sr_1_6?dchild=1&keywords=river+road+recipes&qid=1620684735&s=instant-video&sr=1-6-catcorr) that my mother gave me to class. It was written by a bunch of Southern Belle-types, and it will be useful I imagine in enticing one, or more, of my female classmates to be my "study partner."
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
ediot: Roz, you will remain and shall, of course, forever be my favorite Sweet Cookie. I am but a man...
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👆🏻🤽🏻♂️🔥🥵👅 pate is HAWT btw
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I’m sorry, honey. Yes, it was years ago in a gabcast chat where you questioned its use in a Christmas bread, and whether the ginger I pickled it with is a Nordic spice. You thought I was trolling you. I believe your words were something along the lines of, “you’re trolling me”. I thought it was cute, so I remembered.
I think the memory is starting to come back. Was that the Christmas bread that was too wet? I think I suggested using dried fruit and then re-hydrating it before adding to the dough?
Just like that we're back on topic.
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I think the memory is starting to come back. Was that the Christmas bread that was too wet? I think I suggested using dried fruit and then re-hydrating it before adding to the dough?
Just like that we're back on topic.
Yes! Just like old times.
I have learned so much about sweet fruited dough since then: multiple raisings, sneaking up on the flour, rolling one direction, high-protein flour and additional gluten, leaving it in the garage overnight to proof not cold but cool like you see in old recipes — stuff I thought was stupid nonsense and just skipped, but now I see why. I am stubborn that way. Still not there; the penis cake wasn’t “sheety” like I want, where you can see swirls of texture inside, just an average crumb, but there is hope!
Part of the problem I think is that I refuse to get a mixer; I want a proper workout dammit 💪 and my stamina just isn’t there yet.
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Just for that I am going to use the GI-Bill benefits I promised to sign over to her to enroll in the last two classes I need for the old degree (sawry, Roz! There should be a tiny bit left if you want it...) one of which is going to be "Wimmin's Literature."
Apparently I need to find copies of the following:
"Beloved" (https://www.amazon.com/Beloved-Toni-Morrison/dp/1400033411/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=isbn+9781400033416&qid=1620684049&s=instant-video&sr=1-1) - Toni Morrison
"Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic" (https://www.amazon.com/Fun-Home-Tragicomic-Alison-Bechdel/dp/0618871713/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=isbn+9780544709041&qid=1620684140&s=instant-video&sr=1-1) - Allison Bechdel
"Emma" (https://www.amazon.com/Emma-Penguin-Classics-Jane-Austen/dp/0141439580/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=isbn+9780141439587&qid=1620684219&s=instant-video&sr=1-1) - Jane Austen
&
"Sing, Unburied, Sing: A Novel" (https://www.amazon.com/Sing-Unburied-Novel-Jesmyn-Ward/dp/1501126075/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=isbn+9781501126062&qid=1620684287&s=instant-video&sr=1-1) - Jesmyn Ward
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
Could you write me a summary of those books when you're done? I should read them but I think I'll just listen to 'I am woman' a few times and call it a day.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rptW7zOPX2E
I am surprised there is no Cookbook or Baking Compendium for this class. I will be sure to bring my copy of "River Road Recipes: The Textbook of Louisiana Cuisine" (https://www.amazon.com/River-Road-Recipes-Textbook-Louisiana/dp/0961302631/ref=sr_1_6?dchild=1&keywords=river+road+recipes&qid=1620684735&s=instant-video&sr=1-6-catcorr) that my mother gave me to class. It was written by a bunch of Southern Belle-types, and it will be useful I imagine in enticing one, or more, of my female classmates to be my "study partner."
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
That sounds good. Many years ago when I lived in Key West I bought a cookbook off someone selling stuff out of his shopping cart. It was Paul Prudhomme's "Louisiana Cooking". I didn't know it at the time but, damn, that guy can cook! It's really hard to overstate how good those recipes are. Anyway, I'm big fan of Creole and Cajun cooking now.
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👆🏻🤽🏻♂️🔥🥵👅 pate is HAWT btw
That is what MV said as well. You two must have the same taste in men.
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Could you write me a summary of those books when you're done? I should read them but I think I'll just listen to 'I am woman' a few times and call it a day.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rptW7zOPX2E
That sounds good. Many years ago when I lived in Key West I bought a cookbook off someone selling stuff out of his shopping cart. It was Paul Prudhomme's "Louisiana Cooking". I didn't know it at the time but, damn, that guy can cook! It's really hard to overstate how good those recipes are. Anyway, I'm big fan of Creole and Cajun cooking now.
Ah, Key West. I was briefly a Conch Republican in Oct'92 to Jan'93, me and the old Lady went there to work a season under the guise of assisting in the Hurricane Andrew Relief effort... I worked the TGIFridays dish-pit (anagram of dipshit, I believe) until I scored the sweet gig at Cafe/Hotel Marquesa. That place seems to have declined in quality from what I can surmise from their online menu. The pastry-chef used to give me the dessert plates when one of the multi-layered torte slices fell over...
They made those things tall, not quite "Russian Penis Cake" tall, but a good 8-9 inches. Something like this:
(https://i.pinimg.com/736x/70/35/40/7035409c83df3b5601112f966c148636--coconut-mousse-coconut-cream-cakes.jpg)
But with more layers, and not as sloppy looking.
Hell, they fed me pretty good now that I think about it. It seemed like the chefs were always "fucking up" a plate that the "wait-trons" (as I called the servers) would bring me.
They also used actual silver for the silver-ware, and only sat a table once per lunch or dinner period; which was awesome for a seventeen-year old pot-head in the dish-pit (or dipshit).
She knew some local dude, his family owned the ice cream shop at the end of Duval Street, we camped out on his front porch for the first few weeks we were there. Literally pitched a tent on his front porch! Ha, good times.
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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Yes! Just like old times.
I have learned so much about sweet fruited dough since then: multiple raisings, sneaking up on the flour, rolling one direction, high-protein flour and additional gluten, leaving it in the garage overnight to proof not cold but cool like you see in old recipes — stuff I thought was stupid nonsense and just skipped, but now I see why. I am stubborn that way. Still not there; the penis cake wasn’t “sheety” like I want, where you can see swirls of texture inside, just an average crumb, but there is hope!
Part of the problem I think is that I refuse to get a mixer; I want a proper workout dammit 💪 and my stamina just isn’t there yet.
Yeah, I don't know how good my advice was. Re-hydrated savory food sure doesn't taste that great but dehydrated fruit does so maybe. Did you ever come up with a solution? I was thinking drying the fresh fruit with a towel, and tossing it with flour before adding, but still it would be too wet. What is 'sneaking up on the flour'? I hope it is what I imagine.
You don't have a mixer?! Wow! That's admirable. I read once a long time ago that your bread dough is kneaded enough when you get physically tired and can't knead anymore. I'm not sure if I agree or maybe I'm missing something. Is Ol' Noodle Arms' dough going to be kneaded enough? Would a MMA fighter over-knead? You would probably have more insight on the matter than the person who wrote the article.
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Ah, Key West. I was briefly a Conch Republican in Oct'92 to Jan'93, me and the old Lady went there to work a season under the guise of assisting in the Hurricane Andrew Relief effort... I worked the TGIFridays dish-pit (anagram of dipshit, I believe) until I scored the sweet gig at Cafe/Hotel Marquesa. That place seems to have declined in quality from what I can surmise from their online menu. The pastry-chef used to give me the dessert plates when one of the multi-layered torte slices fell over...
They made those things tall, not quite "Russian Penis Cake" tall, but a good 8-9 inches. Something like this:
(https://i.pinimg.com/736x/70/35/40/7035409c83df3b5601112f966c148636--coconut-mousse-coconut-cream-cakes.jpg)
But with more layers, and not as sloppy looking.
Hell, they fed me pretty good now that I think about it. It seemed like the chefs were always "fucking up" a plate that the "wait-trons" (as I called the servers) would bring me.
They also used actual silver for the silver-ware, and only sat a table once per lunch or dinner period; which was awesome for a seventeen-year old pot-head in the dish-pit (or dipshit).
She knew some local dude, his family owned the ice cream shop at the end of Duval Street, we camped out on his front porch for the first few weeks we were there. Literally pitched a tent on his front porch! Ha, good times.
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
Woah, that's crazy. That might be a year or two before I went down there. It was really cool at that time. It slowly declined until after awhile I was asking myself why I was still there.
Are you sure it was TGiF you worked at? I remember that place coming way later than when you were there. Maybe it was there then closed than came back a decade later or something.
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Woah, that's crazy. That might be a year or two before I went down there. It was really cool at that time. It slowly declined until after awhile I was asking myself why I was still there.
Are you sure it was TGiF you worked at? I remember that place coming way later than when you were there. Maybe it was there then closed than came back a decade later or something.
Pretty sure it was a TGiF, "wait-trons" wore red & white striped shirts, suspenders, lots of "flair" buttons. Big place, sat around 500 covers. Somewhere in "New Town," awful place for a dishwasher; every menu item had like 7 plates, chargers, souffle cups &c. And the damn French Onion soup terrines? that were little ceramic mini-cauldrons with baked on swiss cheese.
I had to run the lunch-shift by myself, and the Chef dude was some Nooo Yawk ass-hat, always bitching about wanting the saute pans shiny on the back-side! I had to polish the damn things with freaking spray cans of Stainless Steel cleaner. When he ran Expo, I would always laugh at him. They had some Veggie-burger thing, that he called a "Nut-Burger."
In the middle of the rush, he'd be yelling out whatever and get to a point "...orh-dah-ing IN three NUT_BOIGUAHS!.." And I would bust out laughing, and scream from the dishpit at the top of my lungs "NUT_BOIGUAHS!"
Oh he would get pissed, come and yell at me to cut it out. The line cooks loved it, whomever was running the grill would occasionally call out "Hey Chef, what's the ALL_DAY on NUTBURGERS?" to get me riled up again.
One thing for sure, I learned how to sling some dishes, but man I hated that Chef. He was all kinds of OCD.
Cafe Marquesa was like a paid vacation after that, I miss that place sometimes... I should have stuck around until you got to Key West, apparently. Ah well, one more thing to "fix" when I build that thyme-masheen and go back to tell myself what I should do I guess.
NUT_BOIGAAAAHS, haha. Still cracks me up when I think of that!
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
ediot: as part of my Prep duties at TGiF I had to pan-up about 10 full sheets of frozen breadsticks, to keep on the Bakeshop topic...
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I'm here for the penis cake.
I have known many a woman who was unable to grasp the difference between "fashionably late" and "just late." Good to see you continuing that trend. I suppose I should say the same thing that I do when one of them shows up. "At least you made it."*
*Alright, to be fair, it is usually me who is late. Anyhow, good to see you again.
(https://www.placeminute.com/images/upload/photo_p/2016/01/29/noone-2824.gif)
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Yeah, I don't know how good my advice was. Re-hydrated savory food sure doesn't taste that great but dehydrated fruit does so maybe. Did you ever come up with a solution? I was thinking drying the fresh fruit with a towel, and tossing it with flour before adding, but still it would be too wet. What is 'sneaking up on the flour'? I hope it is what I imagine.
You don't have a mixer?! Wow! That's admirable. I read once a long time ago that your bread dough is kneaded enough when you get physically tired and can't knead anymore. I'm not sure if I agree or maybe I'm missing something. Is Ol' Noodle Arms' dough going to be kneaded enough? Would a MMA fighter over-knead? You would probably have more insight on the matter than the person who wrote the article.
It was good advice! My main problem, though was (and still is :( ) not getting the dough elastic enough before adding the fruit. The more elastic it is, the more it will willingly envelop the sharp-cornered fruit like cling wrap instead of allowing itself to be cut to shreds where it no longer plumps up nice and holds the yeast gases and just gets flaccid and spread out. Those overnight rises and things are just to increase elasticity -- I think the longer the flour sits in a wet mess the softer and stretchier it gets. "Sneaking up" on the flour is getting away with as little as possible: when I have time to do three raises I do the first one with the dough only vigorously stirred in its bowl, not even turned out and kneaded. In the old days they would use a wooden dough trough.
I am basically Noodle-Arms and I can't get the dough as elastic as people with mixers can -- I just wear out too quickly. I do not think even KSM could overwork my dough. With a mixer you leave it in there sometimes 20 minutes, a half hour, slapping around in the bowl until you can do the windowpane test, i. e. stretch out a piece so you can see light through it without it tearing. I can never get it to that point without adding an ungodly amount of Vital Wheat Gluten where the texture starts to resemble rubber cement, but I think that is the direction I need to go in.
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Today I will begin making a Boston Cream Pie because the lobster roll place isn't selling their homemade version any more -- something to do with how messy it is to serve and people complaining -- and because my dad loves anything with ganache all over it. I am looking at this recipe https://preppykitchen.com/boston-cream-pie/ (https://preppykitchen.com/boston-cream-pie/) but I do not want a store-style dry fluffy sponge and think I will change the cake out for this which is used as the base for kvæfjordkake or verdensbestekake as it sometimes called https://northwildkitchen.com/kvaefjordkake-worlds-best-cake/ (https://northwildkitchen.com/kvaefjordkake-worlds-best-cake/)
From the original
2 large eggs room temperature
1 cup cane sugar 200g
½ cup whole milk 120mL
5 tablespoons unsalted butter 70g
1 cup all-purpose flour plus 2 tablespoons, 140g
1¼ teaspoons baking powder
¼ teaspoon kosher salt
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
to be replaced with
½ cup (112 g) butter
½ cup plus 2 tablespoons (125 g) granulated sugar
4 large egg yolks
4 tablespoons milk
1 ¼ cup (150 g) all-purpose flour
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon vanilla sugar
which has 4 yolks instead of two whole eggs, nearly twice the butter, and, somewhat worryingly, only half the sugar. The 1:1 sugar-to-flour ratio in the original seems like it might be a little excessive, but perhaps there might be a reason for it? He is using bittersweet chocolate, maybe it needs to be offset? The lobster shack puts a decorative swirl of what looks to be simple icing (powdered sugar in milk or water) on theirs, maybe for that reason. I want a robust cake, since the chocolate will harden considerably when cool and pastry cream is plenty sturdy. Any advice would be welcome.
I am also thinking of putting in one of those baking emulsions I learned about from Pye, either Princess Cake or Buttery Sweet Dough, both of which (in addition to vanilla) have a subtle but good high-quality lemony tang, a plain vanilla cake seems like a failure of imagination. Will this gild the lily?
(https://media3.giphy.com/media/GyRX93ai5DdsI/giphy.gif?cid=790b76112acd6e1cd0e1e79469659394c44fc1c5cee3106b&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)
The decorative swirl could also be White Chocolate, I imagine that you could just substitute W. Chocolate for the Reg. Chocolate in your ganache recipe and use that instead of watery-ass simple icing for the decorative swirl. And, maybe, just maybe use Pastry Flour instead of All-Purpose? This will of course possibly defeat the "sturdiness" you are aiming for... I notice that these Suzy Home-Maker recipes ALWAYS use AP flour in their cake recipes.
That is often a sticking point in my debates with my sister; she is always griping about how her cakes come out too "dense" and that is precisely what she is trying to "fix." She stubbornly refuses to listen to my suggestions about the addition of Cake Flour for a portion of the AP: with subsequent modifications to the amount of leavening if needed in small "test" batches. (In your case, I would whip up a 1 yolk "test batch" using the Flour% method to discover what proportions of everything else to use, bake that off and see if I like the sturdiness/texture etc.)
Typical of a Suzy Home-Maker wimmin, she abandons her original desire to "fix" the recipe because my advice is "too much work." Hah! Then she gets mad when I point out that her logic is circular...
By my reckonning, your second recipe is:
75.66%(72.25%) Butter
83.33%(80.64%) Sugar
45.33%(43.87%) Egg yolks*
40.00%(38.70%) Whole Milk
100.00%(100.00%) AP Flour@150g (Pastry Flour@155g)
4.80%(4.65%) Baking Soda
2.75%(2.75%) Vanilla Sugar
*Large Grade A egg=2oz wt, yolk is about 30% of the egg weight. 1oz=~28g, so 1 Large Grade A Egg Yolk weighs 28g*2*0.30=16.8g
The maths is a bit complicated, there so I will do it for you.
For AP Flour:
27.67g Butter
30.88g Sugar
16.8g Yolks
14.82g Milk
37.06g Flour AP
1.78g Baking Soda
1.02g Vanilla Sugar
For Pastry Flour:
27.67g Butter
30.88g Sugar
16.8g Yolks
14.82g Milk
38.29g Flour, Pastry
1.78g Baking Soda
1.05g Vanilla Sugar
You will notice that the change from AP Flour --> Pastry Flour COMPLETELY changes the proportions(%) of the other ingredients, but using this method the recipe "stays the same" as far as the final amounts (by weight) present.
Now you can scale that recipe, up/down as needed to make 1000 Boston Cream Pies (full size) or a miniature dainty snack sized one, and the finished product will be the same!
To really achieve this you need to buy yourself a Drug-Dealer digital scale that that can do 0.01g increments.
Probably, you will be obstinate and lazy like my dear sister and say "that's too much work!"
If you are REALLY serious about "sturdiness" of the cake (which I find to be an oxymoronical idear) you could substitute Bread Flour for AP, which I believe is 29g/quarter cup (or 145g Bread flour for your 4-yolk recipe)
Then of course, you could adventure into 100% Cake flour territory (32g/quarter cup? or 160g for 4-yolks.)
I am certain that the above has thoroughly bamboozled you! Maybe, Roz can explain it better and more concisely? Nautical Shore.
Anyway, in short: are you done making that Boston Cream Pie yet? Surely the two hours it took me to write this has afforded you ample thyme.
Now FiX that shit! Ha.
pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO shat in the interregnum?"
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(https://media3.giphy.com/media/GyRX93ai5DdsI/giphy.gif?cid=790b76112acd6e1cd0e1e79469659394c44fc1c5cee3106b&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)
The decorative swirl could also be White Chocolate, I imagine that you could just substitute W. Chocolate for the Reg. Chocolate in your ganache recipe and use that instead of watery-ass simple icing for the decorative swirl. And, maybe, just maybe use Pastry Flour instead of All-Purpose? This will of course possibly defeat the "sturdiness" you are aiming for... I notice that these Suzy Home-Maker recipes ALWAYS use AP flour in their cake recipes.
That is often a sticking point in my debates with my sister; she is always griping about how her cakes come out too "dense" and that is precisely what she is trying to "fix." She stubbornly refuses to listen to my suggestions about the addition of Cake Flour for a portion of the AP: with subsequent modifications to the amount of leavening if needed in small "test" batches. (In your case, I would whip up a 1 yolk "test batch" using the Flour% method to discover what proportions of everything else to use, bake that off and see if I like the sturdiness/texture etc.)
Typical of a Suzy Home-Maker wimmin, she abandons her original desire to "fix" the recipe because my advice is "too much work." Hah! Then she gets mad when I point out that her logic is circular...
By my reckonning, your second recipe is:
75.66%(72.25%) Butter
83.33%(80.64%) Sugar
45.33%(43.87%) Egg yolks*
40.00%(38.70%) Whole Milk
100.00%(100.00%) AP Flour@150g (Pastry Flour@155g)
4.80%(4.65%) Baking Soda
2.75%(2.75%) Vanilla Sugar
*Large Grade A egg=2oz wt, yolk is about 30% of the egg weight. 1oz=~28g, so 1 Large Grade A Egg Yolk weighs 28g*2*0.30=16.8g
The maths is a bit complicated, there so I will do it for you.
For AP Flour:
27.67g Butter
30.88g Sugar
16.8g Yolks
14.82g Milk
37.06g Flour AP
1.78g Baking Soda
1.02g Vanilla Sugar
For Pastry Flour:
27.67g Butter
30.88g Sugar
16.8g Yolks
14.82g Milk
38.29g Flour, Pastry
1.78g Baking Soda
1.05g Vanilla Sugar
You will notice that the change from AP Flour --> Pastry Flour COMPLETELY changes the proportions(%) of the other ingredients, but using this method the recipe "stays the same" as far as the final amounts (by weight) present.
Now you can scale that recipe, up/down as needed to make 1000 Boston Cream Pies (full size) or a miniature dainty snack sized one, and the finished product will be the same!
To really achieve this you need to buy yourself a Drug-Dealer digital scale that that can do 0.01g increments.
Probably, you will be obstinate and lazy like my dear sister and say "that's too much work!"
If you are REALLY serious about "sturdiness" of the cake (which I find to be an oxymoronical idear) you could substitute Bread Flour for AP, which I believe is 29g/quarter cup (or 145g Bread flour for your 4-yolk recipe)
Then of course, you could adventure into 100% Cake flour territory (32g/quarter cup? or 160g for 4-yolks.)
I am certain that the above has thoroughly bamboozled you! Maybe, Roz can explain it better and more concisely? Nautical Shore.
Anyway, in short: are you done making that Boston Cream Pie yet? Surely the two hours it took me to write this has afforded you ample thyme.
Now FiX that shit! Ha.
pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO shat in the interregnum?"
Dear sir, thank you for the ratios! Indeed the pie was half-eaten by the time you wrote this. I do have a clever little scale my mom gave me because all their recipes are in grams over there but it is not digital and you just tare it by twirling the indicator around the base. I think it is mostly for bread. I also have the tiniest little springform pan in the world (with a tube insert!), precisely for testing things out or (what is more usual) baking the overflow from fruitcake where I always wind up with too much batter for some reason.
There was a major disaster: the paper stuck to the bottom! I have never had this happen before. I should have taken it off when it was just the cake and reapplied a fresh circle but I baked it in my largest pan (I can't find the bottom to the next size down, which I should have used) so the cake was very flat and when I sliced the layers I got the bottom layer too thin and I was afraid the paper was all that was giving it any structural coherence at all so I left it. I had to lift the pieces with a violent sawing motion to release the stubborn parchment and the results were less than pretty. I will post pictures of the resulting mess so you can all hoot and jeer and wish you had a piece.
It is true, a sturdy cake goes against the common aesthetic but in my mind I associate light, springy cakes with dryness and commercial bakeries and questionable innovations like chiffon and the horror that is "pudding in the mix" boxes and *shudder* funfetti. I suppose I hew, if not to Suzy Homemaker, at least towards her grandmother Agnes.
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:(
(https://i.ibb.co/DzyPJ3D/STUCKPAPER.png)
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Here you can all laugh at my swirl effect which I dripped off the point of a spatula because I was too lazy to get out the pastry bag.
(https://i.ibb.co/C8pj26R/bcp.png)
I ended up using the emulsion "Buttery Sweet Dough" for the delicate lemon flavor (unnoticeable unless someone told you it was in there, but worth it) and (don't tell anyone!) a pinch of spice -- mace, cardamom, cinnamon -- which did not go amiss. I don't think I can bring myself to bake a Plain Vanilla Cake.
Also included is yesterday's Gay_Dubb's Weather Etc. report, which was lovely; Shreddie please note yet another sweater.
(https://i.ibb.co/98XQSLg/blue.gif)
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Here you can all laugh at my swirl effect which I dripped off the point of a spatula because I was too lazy to get out the pastry bag.
(https://i.ibb.co/C8pj26R/bcp.png)
I ended up using the emulsion "Buttery Sweet Dough" for the delicate lemon flavor (unnoticeable unless someone told you it was in there, but worth it) and (don't tell anyone!) a pinch of spice -- mace, cardamom, cinnamon -- which did not go amiss. I don't think I can bring myself to bake a Plain Vanilla Cake.
Also included is yesterday's Gay_Dubb's Weather Etc. report, which was lovely; Shreddie please note yet another sweater.
(https://i.ibb.co/98XQSLg/blue.gif)
I was expecting it to be a bit taller, comme ca:
(https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BC0sDc5CH4A/T5X_7NDLbMI/AAAAAAAAGsI/LHYegAWkiDI/s1600/boston+cream+009.JPG)
Anyhow, I was thinking more about your recipe vis a vis your "sturdiness" conundrum. In addition to the Butter you also have Egg Yolks & Whole Milk in there to act as a shortening (both have high relative fat contents). Being a Cake Batter, I imagine you don't mix it long enough for any gluten-chains to form which helps in the "loft" of the cake by trapping the CO2 from the Baking Powder inside.
You mention a "delicate lemon flavor:" is this from Lemon Zest or Lemon Juice? I note that both are "tart" indicating the presence of an acid (ascorbic? no matter), I wonder if you could add a small amount of Baking Soda to that recipe to gain an additional bit of "loft" from this unused acid (that I assume is present), and still keep that "delicate lemon flavor"?
Isn't there some "trick" on the parchment paper thing that you can do to make it easier to remove; either spray/brush oil on it or sprinkle/dust it with flour before pouring the batter on top (both? I don't generally make cakes so I have limited hands-on with this technique.) You might try that next time.
On the Butter/Milk/Yolk shortening front, maybe a lower fat Milk & low-fat Yolk substitute: Powdered Milk- you can beef up the amount of powder/liquid ratio to get a "Milkier" but low/no fat substitute and on the Egg Yolks I think Apple Sauce/Butter(?) is frequently used in Vegan applications where Eggs are verbotten. I don't think you could get away with a Butter substitute (there isn't one dammit).
Look into the White Chocolate Ganache idea instead of the Water/Milk Icing, your Pa would love it even more I bet.
What was the alarmingly thin layer of "Creame" in there (I had to zoom in to see)? Bavarian Cream, Creme Anglais, Jello-Pudding (eye keed!) or what?
Axing foar a fiend.
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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Also included is yesterday's Gay_Dubb's Weather Etc. report, which was lovely; Shreddie please note yet another sweater.
(https://i.ibb.co/98XQSLg/blue.gif)
They all look the same to me. And, if you wouldn't mind, please stop that sinister wiggling.
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I was expecting it to be a bit taller, comme ca:
(https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BC0sDc5CH4A/T5X_7NDLbMI/AAAAAAAAGsI/LHYegAWkiDI/s1600/boston+cream+009.JPG)
Anyhow, I was thinking more about your recipe vis a vis your "sturdiness" conundrum. In addition to the Butter you also have Egg Yolks & Whole Milk in there to act as a shortening (both have high relative fat contents). Being a Cake Batter, I imagine you don't mix it long enough for any gluten-chains to form which helps in the "loft" of the cake by trapping the CO2 from the Baking Powder inside.
You mention a "delicate lemon flavor:" is this from Lemon Zest or Lemon Juice? I note that both are "tart" indicating the presence of an acid (ascorbic? no matter), I wonder if you could add a small amount of Baking Soda to that recipe to gain an additional bit of "loft" from this unused acid (that I assume is present), and still keep that "delicate lemon flavor"?
Isn't there some "trick" on the parchment paper thing that you can do to make it easier to remove; either spray/brush oil on it or sprinkle/dust it with flour before pouring the batter on top (both? I don't generally make cakes so I have limited hands-on with this technique.) You might try that next time.
On the Butter/Milk/Yolk shortening front, maybe a lower fat Milk & low-fat Yolk substitute: Powdered Milk- you can beef up the amount of powder/liquid ratio to get a "Milkier" but low/no fat substitute and on the Egg Yolks I think Apple Sauce/Butter(?) is frequently used in Vegan applications where Eggs are verbotten. I don't think you could get away with a Butter substitute (there isn't one dammit).
Look into the White Chocolate Ganache idea instead of the Water/Milk Icing, your Pa would love it even more I bet.
What was the alarmingly thin layer of "Creame" in there (I had to zoom in to see)? Bavarian Cream, Creme Anglais, Jello-Pudding (eye keed!) or what?
Axing foar a fiend.
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
Sir, the whole affair was sadly lacking in ambition as, after a half hour or so of playing "where's the bottom?" (the opposite of the usual game in these parts) I could not find the base for my 7-inch springform. You will see that the ratio of cake to filling is about the same, only somewhat flatter. I did double the ganache for my dad, though. Your white-chocolate suggestion is excellent, thank you!
The lemon flavor came from the baking emulsion I added, "Buttery Sweet Dough". And the filling was proper creme patissiere; I do not know why people bother with boxed pudding as the real thing is far superior and simple to make in the microwave.
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They all look the same to me. And, if you wouldn't mind, please stop that sinister wiggling.
That wiggling is the mating dance of the American homosexual and is designed to strike fear into your mordant heart or, barring that, disable you by laughter and thus vulnerable to opportunistic buggery. I will cease only if you allow that your charge that I wear the same one every day was ill-considered and impertinent.
On second thought, it is more fun this way. I believe I claimed at least 31 different sweaters, of which I have exhibited four or five, so at this rate you may look forward to gyrating knitwear for the balance of the year!
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That wiggling is the mating dance of the American homosexual
I coomed
(https://i.postimg.cc/8PQWbXpH/1620829784982.png)
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I coomed
(https://i.postimg.cc/8PQWbXpH/1620829784982.png)
Cute hair!
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(https://i.ibb.co/98XQSLg/blue.gif)
You have been vaccinated. You are outside. And you are in a mask? Fauchi would be proud of you.*
*Are you double masked? for extra virtue signaling points?
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(https://www.placeminute.com/images/upload/photo_p/2016/01/29/noone-2824.gif)
Well, there. I seem to have driven her from this site with little more than a Jpeg.
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You have been vaccinated. You are outside. And you are in a mask? Fauchi would be proud of you.*
*Are you double masked? for extra virtue signaling points?
Yes it’s a vain attempt to corral the clouds of spike proteins I shed with every exhale! After about the fifth or sixth spontaneous abortion in your wake, you learn to dread the sickening sound of fetuses hitting the floor. One poor yoga mom-to-be sent hers sailing past my left ear, damn near took my head off!
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That wiggling is the mating dance of the American homosexual and is designed to strike fear into your mordant heart or, barring that, disable you by laughter and thus vulnerable to opportunistic buggery. I will cease only if you allow that your charge that I wear the same one every day was ill-considered and impertinent.
On second thought, it is more fun this way. I believe I claimed at least 31 different sweaters, of which I have exhibited four or five, so at this rate you may look forward to gyrating knitwear for the balance of the year!
Who the hell has 31 of those things? It's a good job you're pranced screaming out of the closet. There wouldn't be enough room.
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Who the hell has 31 of those things? It's a good job you're pranced screaming out of the closet. There wouldn't be enough room.
They are like accordions, once people find out you like them all the attics in the extended family are emptied in your direction. Half the women in my family knit, my aunt even owned a shop — I spent a good part of my childhood browsing patterns while mom gossiped.
And, I am the the only man who will wear them with any sense of style and 🇳🇴pride rather than grim duty, grumbling of itches.
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They are like accordions,..
The SqueezeBox rocks
https://youtu.be/rOYHdBDmPNE
I note this thread is sadly lacking in musical de-railments.
I cannot think of any complicated Cajun baked good. Even Beignets , although fried not baked aren't that complicated. Hmm... I may actually have to read that "River Road Recipes" cook-book and see if there is something to get you out of that Nordic/Russian comfort zone of yours....
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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The SqueezeBox rocks
https://youtu.be/rOYHdBDmPNE
I note this thread is sadly lacking in musical de-railments.
I cannot think of any complicated Cajun baked good. Even Beignets , although fried not baked aren't that complicated. Hmm... I may actually have to read that "River Road Recipes" cook-book and see if there is something to get you out of that Nordic/Russian comfort zone of yours....
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
I was looking at excerpts from that cookbook I think on amazon after you mentioned it and turned to the desserts of course, and there was one that started with your browned-butter roux, I think it was a pie but it could have been cake, I was daydreaming. That sounds like a challenge!
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I was looking at excerpts from that cookbook I think on amazon after you mentioned it and turned to the desserts of course, and there was one that started with your browned-butter roux, I think it was a pie but it could have been cake, I was daydreaming. That sounds like a challenge!
If you take on the challenge, pre-brown your flour for the roux in the oven on a sheet pan (or in a saute pan on the stove-top is even better) before you add the butter. If you mix it all together and try to brown it that way it always seems to eventually spatter onto your hand and burn the shit out of you. Also: wear a shirt when making roux, roux-burns on the nipples suck, unless you like that sort of thing...
My grandmother used the pre-brown flour trick so often that she would just brown a bunch every once in awhile and kept it in a Mason jar ready to go.
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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If you take on the challenge, pre-brown your flour for the roux in the oven on a sheet pan (or in a saute pan on the stove-top is even better) before you add the butter. If you mix it all together and try to brown it that way it always seems to eventually spatter onto your hand and burn the shit out of you. Also: wear a shirt when making roux, roux-burns on the nipples suck, unless you like that sort of thing...
My grandmother used the pre-brown flour trick so often that she would just brown a bunch every once in awhile and kept it in a Mason jar ready to go.
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
Now that is a trick I can use! Gramerci!
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That is what MV said as well. You two must have the same taste in men.
Judge for yourself:
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=55.0;attach=137;image)
That was shortly after my Key West days, and obviously an Artist's rendering...
Now that is a trick I can use! Gramerci!
You should try this one:
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=55.0;attach=145;image)
FedEx it to Falkie! Haha!
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
ediot: damn thumbnails! The recipe is called "Fat Man's Misery"
t'wtiot: Jay-sus took me forever to resize that damn recipe. SOmeone should fix that shit!
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ediot: damn thumbnails! The recipe is called "Fat Man's Misery"
Haha what is that, chocolate cookie-crust pie filled with buttercream? Ye gods.
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Haha what is that, chocolate cookie-crust pie filled with buttercream? Ye gods.
Key-riced! Finally fixed that shit, apogees!
Yeah, I don't know for sure, you should make it though. What the hell is a "chocolate wafer" anyway? Is it the chocolate version of the Nilla Wafer?
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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Key-riced! Finally fixed that shit, apogees!
Yeah, I don't know for sure, you should make it though. What the hell is a "chocolate wafer" anyway? Is it the chocolate version of the Nilla Wafer?
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
I was debating that, closest I could think of was taking apart Oreos! I don't know; I stay away from that aisle.
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I was debating that, closest I could think of was taking apart Oreos! I don't know; I stay away from that aisle.
I happen to absolutely love cookies. They have to be crisp though, I don't enjoy soggy, soft and half-baked ones. I do not like Oreos though, although I do appreciate a decent "sandwich" cookie. I must admit, much to my shame, my brand of choice for "sandwich" cookies is Always Save! Particularly their Lemon & Peanut Butter ones, the Double Fudge & Vanilla are pretty good too.
It is funny, I hate Peanut Butter in general (think I ate too much as a child), but love a good Peanut Butter Cookie (as long as it is crisp) and that Thai Peanut Sauce (made with Peanut Butter) you dip the un-fried egg roll things in (spring rolls).
The Cookie/Snack aisle is awesome, although I usually don't buy anything most of that shit I can make myself and better. And another thing, 90% of the cookies are the "Soft & Chewy" nasty ones.
Yay, cookies!
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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If you take on the challenge, pre-brown your flour for the roux in the oven on a sheet pan (or in a saute pan on the stove-top is even better) before you add the butter. If you mix it all together and try to brown it that way it always seems to eventually spatter onto your hand and burn the shit out of you. Also: wear a shirt when making roux, roux-burns on the nipples suck, unless you like that sort of thing...
My grandmother used the pre-brown flour trick so often that she would just brown a bunch every once in awhile and kept it in a Mason jar ready to go.
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
So I assume the only dish guaranteed not to contain chest hair is that containing roux? Was it your grandmother who taught you that naked cooking is not acceptable when it comes at a personal risk?
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I happen to absolutely love cookies. They have to be crisp though, I don't enjoy soggy, soft and half-baked ones. I do not like Oreos though, although I do appreciate a decent "sandwich" cookie. I must admit, much to my shame, my brand of choice for "sandwich" cookies is Always Save! Particularly their Lemon & Peanut Butter ones, the Double Fudge & Vanilla are pretty good too.
It is funny, I hate Peanut Butter in general (think I ate too much as a child), but love a good Peanut Butter Cookie (as long as it is crisp) and that Thai Peanut Sauce (made with Peanut Butter) you dip the un-fried egg roll things in (spring rolls).
The Cookie/Snack aisle is awesome, although I usually don't buy anything most of that shit I can make myself and better. And another thing, 90% of the cookies are the "Soft & Chewy" nasty ones.
Yay, cookies!
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
I do not like Oreos, either; if you take them apart the cookies taste like dirt and the filling like the cheapest kind of margarine. So gross.
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So I assume the only dish guaranteed not to contain chest hair is that containing roux?...
Maybe I wax that area? Nautical Shore.
(Settle down Dubb!}
Hah!
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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Maybe I wax that area? Nautical Shore.
(Settle down Dubb!}
Hah!
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
👁👅👁
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGo8yLofFHc
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Company BBQ is best BBQ... here, have a cigar.
https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/10782-katharine-hepburns-brownies
Maybe I wax that area? Nautical Shore.
(Settle down Dubb!}
Hah!
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
Dude... lighten up.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGo8yLofFHc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msbo6TiwA5A
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K_Dubb, Attend:
This morning while perusing the Intar-Tubes with the morning coffee, I saw a recipe for "Chocolate Mayonnaise Cake." This freaked me out for obvious reasons, but upon further thought it occurred to me that mayo is just egg yolks and oil with a bit of vinegar/lemon juice. I think the Mayonnaise was some sort of Depression Era substitution because Old Socks were difficult to find or something.
Still, it was odd enough that I mentioned it to my sister (the cake baker of the family) and suggested that she make a test "Chocolate Mayonnaise Cake," she says 'Yah, I should make that and try the Dutch "Chocolate Sauerkraut Cake" recipe...'
Sauerkraut in a Cake, what madness is this? Those wacky Dutch Buggers! I realize Dutch is not Norse, but they are pretty damn close in my book; is there some wacky Nordic "Sauerkraut Cake" that you are aware of?
(https://dishnthekitchen.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/ChocolateSauerkrautCakeSlicehoriz.jpg)
Who will be the brave soul to make a "Dutch Chocolate Sauerkraut Cake" and report back to the thread on their findings?
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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K_Dubb, Attend:
This morning while perusing the Intar-Tubes with the morning coffee, I saw a recipe for "Chocolate Mayonnaise Cake." This freaked me out for obvious reasons, but upon further thought it occurred to me that mayo is just egg yolks and oil with a bit of vinegar/lemon juice. I think the Mayonnaise was some sort of Depression Era substitution because Old Socks were difficult to find or something.
Still, it was odd enough that I mentioned it to my sister (the cake baker of the family) and suggested that she make a test "Chocolate Mayonnaise Cake," she says 'Yah, I should make that and try the Dutch "Chocolate Sauerkraut Cake" recipe...'
Sauerkraut in a Cake, what madness is this? Those wacky Dutch Buggers! I realize Dutch is not Norse, but they are pretty damn close in my book; is there some wacky Nordic "Sauerkraut Cake" that you are aware of?
(https://dishnthekitchen.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/ChocolateSauerkrautCakeSlicehoriz.jpg)
Who will be the brave soul to make a "Dutch Chocolate Sauerkraut Cake" and report back to the thread on their findings?
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
Sir, we do not put surkål in our cakes but I did find this Danish recipe. It seems to be more of a savory casserole.
https://no.gesund-ungesund.de/dekket-surkaal-kake-i-henhold-til-bestemors-oppskrift/ (https://no.gesund-ungesund.de/dekket-surkaal-kake-i-henhold-til-bestemors-oppskrift/)
I am planning a chocolate cake for Father's Day since chocolate is my dad's favorite. I do not know if I dare mess with the much-modified sachertorte (not so dry, but still quite sturdy) recipe I have used in the past but it is a possibility. If I show up with an American-style fluffy cake with some kind of whipped frosting instead of ganache it might wind up being pitched at my head.
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K_Dubb, Attend:
This morning while perusing the Intar-Tubes with the morning coffee, I saw a recipe for "Chocolate Mayonnaise Cake." This freaked me out for obvious reasons, but upon further thought it occurred to me that mayo is just egg yolks and oil with a bit of vinegar/lemon juice. I think the Mayonnaise was some sort of Depression Era substitution because Old Socks were difficult to find or something.
Still, it was odd enough that I mentioned it to my sister (the cake baker of the family) and suggested that she make a test "Chocolate Mayonnaise Cake," she says 'Yah, I should make that and try the Dutch "Chocolate Sauerkraut Cake" recipe...'
Sauerkraut in a Cake, what madness is this? Those wacky Dutch Buggers! I realize Dutch is not Norse, but they are pretty damn close in my book; is there some wacky Nordic "Sauerkraut Cake" that you are aware of?
(https://dishnthekitchen.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/ChocolateSauerkrautCakeSlicehoriz.jpg)
Who will be the brave soul to make a "Dutch Chocolate Sauerkraut Cake" and report back to the thread on their findings?
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
Dutch? Was it the Dutch who were referred to by derogatory, hurtful, racist term "Kraut?" No! It was my grandparents. Why would anybody but a Kraut put sauerkraut in a cake?
With that out of the way, I'm really, really tempted to make it. I might copy the recipe and take it with me when I next visit my nieces for a "project". I'm pretty certain they already suspect their uncle is not quite right in the head...
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Dutch? Was it the Dutch who were referred to by derogatory, hurtful, racist term "Kraut?" No! It was my grandparents. Why would anybody but a Kraut put sauerkraut in a cake?
I looked up a bunch of recipes for it, it is apparently Dutch in the Pennsylvania Dutch sense (Deutsch = German) so yeah.
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This looks incredibly interesting. Has anyone ever attempted this and what were the results?
https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/how-to-make-pastila
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This looks incredibly interesting. Has anyone ever attempted this and what were the results?
https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/how-to-make-pastila
I have not made them but the Russian grocery has homemade marshmallows of the zefir variety once in a while, I think they use gelatin and some fruit juice though. I did not know the original was apple and used the natural pectin instead!
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I looked up a bunch of recipes for it, it is apparently Dutch in the Pennsylvania Dutch sense (Deutsch = German) so yeah.
I bought some kraut today. I assume that fermented high quality probiotic is not necessary for chocolate cake.
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I bought some kraut today. I assume that fermented high quality probiotic is not necessary for chocolate cake.
Most of the recipes I looked at didn't specify what kind of kraut but those that did mentioned "canned". Since you chop and rinse much of the character will go away, I think.
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Most of the recipes I looked at didn't specify what kind of kraut but those that did mentioned "canned". Since you chop and rinse much of the character will go away, I think.
Huh, I figured the acidity of the 'kraut was used to react with the baking soda, eliminating the need to use baking powder as leavening. The rinsing seems to defeat that, in my mind.
I honestly have not looked up a recipe for this dubious cake. That said, I would still like to try it.
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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Huh, I figured the acidity of the 'kraut was used to react with the baking soda, eliminating the need to use baking powder as leavening. The rinsing seems to defeat that, in my mind.
I honestly have not looked up a recipe for this dubious cake. That said, I would still like to try it.
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
It may very well work that way but I get the idea it is added mainly to provide reservoirs of moisture since Americans are deathly afraid of a dry cake (and a dry turkey breast) for some reason, the same way people add applesauce or (in a stroke of genius-level inspiration that they rush to the Cooks.com comment section to tell everyone) canned pumpkin. Same as those awful pudding-in-the-mix Betty Crocker mixes, they have just put cornstarch in to cut the gluten and make it gooier and more like a pudding. FFS people if you want a pudding make a pudding, then cut your dry cake and spead the pudding in for a layer, it won't be dry! Dry cakes are your friend, they sell dry cakes as ladyfingers, you can brush them with all kinds of booze and cream and espresso like tiramisu, stuff that makes them taste good, you do not need this unconscionable blurring of the lines between dessert forms, you start mixing things up like that and havoc will ensue and we will all take our desserts through a straw as sugary slurry.
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It may very well work that way but I get the idea it is added mainly to provide reservoirs of moisture since Americans are deathly afraid of a dry cake (and a dry turkey breast) for some reason, the same way people add applesauce or (in a stroke of genius-level inspiration that they rush to the Cooks.com comment section to tell everyone) canned pumpkin. Same as those awful pudding-in-the-mix Betty Crocker mixes, they have just put cornstarch in to cut the gluten and make it gooier and more like a pudding. FFS people if you want a pudding make a pudding, then cut your dry cake and spead the pudding in for a layer, it won't be dry! Dry cakes are your friend, they sell dry cakes as ladyfingers, you can brush them with all kinds of booze and cream and espresso like tiramisu, stuff that makes them taste good, you do not need this unconscionable blurring of the lines between dessert forms, you start mixing things up like that and havoc will ensue and we will all take our desserts through a straw as sugary slurry.
K_Dubb, Attend:
I like all cakes, I am not racist against the moist ones. I consider ladyfingers to be sweet cookies, or "biscuits" as the backwards Anglishers call them. Cookies should properly be crisp and dry, I agree. But a cake, like wedding cake for instance, should not be dry and crumbly.
I realize that etymology probably recognizes no difference between what Americans call "cookies" and "cakes" or kuchen (however the 'krauts spell that), but there is a subtle distinction there in my modern mind.
However dry your "cake" may be, you shouldn't have to cut it with a knife (other than when preparing a slice), and it should not be so dry that it disintegrates into tiny pieces that must be corralled and eaten via a spoon.
Spoons and cakes should never cross paths, it is uncivilized.
Stop Racism Against Moist Cakes Now! Should march proudly beside the Bakeries Not Fakeries initiative starting this month!
https://youtu.be/nAeMZ8hhXVA
Our campaign should be inclusive of all flavors and tastes, don't you think?
pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO shat in the interregnum?"
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K_Dubb, Attend:
I like all cakes, I am not racist against the moist ones. I consider ladyfingers to be sweet cookies, or "biscuits" as the backwards Anglishers call them. Cookies should properly be crisp and dry, I agree. But a cake, like wedding cake for instance, should not be dry and crumbly.
I realize that etymology probably recognizes no difference between what Americans call "cookies" and "cakes" or kuchen (however the 'krauts spell that), but there is a subtle distinction there in my modern mind.
However dry your "cake" may be, you shouldn't have to cut it with a knife (other than when preparing a slice), and it should not be so dry that it disintegrates into tiny pieces that must be corralled and eaten via a spoon.
Spoons and cakes should never cross paths, it is uncivilized.
Stop Racism Against Moist Cakes Now! Should march proudly beside the Bakeries Not Fakeries initiative starting this month!
https://youtu.be/nAeMZ8hhXVA
Our campaign should be inclusive of all flavors and tastes, don't you think?
pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO shat in the interregnum?"
Sir, I believe we are in general agreement on the bounds of taste, here. A cake should not crumble, and a cookie should not ooze. I merely felt it necessary to speak up in favor of the kind of sturdy well-browned cakes that moderate under a soft brushing with syrup or the gentle influence of cream filling and time. The flavor-enhancing benefits of browning on flour and sugar are well-understood and I am loath to part with them in this obsessive quest for moisture. I cannot in good conscience endorse a cake that squelches when you poke it like a car-wash mitt! God between us and spoons, to be sure, but we are on a dangerous path to chaos and oblivion, where deliberately underdone cakes vomit forth their innards in disgusting displays of incontinence.
(https://media.tenor.com/images/1efcd4e23fc76b1c6425c8382d6393b8/tenor.gif)
Distinctions should be preserved! Cake should be cake, and filling should be filling, the textural contrast delighting the palate in every bite with its sophistication and verve, a dainty portion sufficient to amuse your bouche. This is nothing more than the same sloth that gave us boxed mixes and one-bowl dump cakes and those godawful sponge things you poke with your finger and fill with Mountain Dew, suitable only for shoveling in your prediabetic piehole with a garden trowel and god only knows at what cost in calories!
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Sir, I believe we are in general agreement on the bounds of taste, here. A cake should not crumble, and a cookie should not ooze. I merely felt it necessary to speak up in favor of the kind of sturdy well-browned cakes that moderate under a soft brushing with syrup or the gentle influence of cream filling and time. The flavor-enhancing benefits of browning on flour and sugar are well-understood and I am loath to part with them in this obsessive quest for moisture. I cannot in good conscience endorse a cake that squelches when you poke it like a car-wash mitt! God between us and spoons, to be sure, but we are on a dangerous path to chaos and oblivion, where deliberately underdone cakes vomit forth their innards in disgusting displays of incontinence.
(https://media.tenor.com/images/1efcd4e23fc76b1c6425c8382d6393b8/tenor.gif)
Distinctions should be preserved! Cake should be cake, and filling should be filling, the textural contrast delighting the palate in every bite with its sophistication and verve, a dainty portion sufficient to amuse your bouche. This is nothing more than the same sloth that gave us boxed mixes and one-bowl dump cakes and those godawful sponge things you poke with your finger and fill with Mountain Dew, suitable only for shoveling in your prediabetic piehole with a garden trowel and god only knows at what cost in calories!
Indeed, I don't believe either of us needs to clarify our position on Microwave Lava Cakes or any sort of baked good that uses the microwave as the heat source for "baking."
the following vidya may be unsuitable for children, those with heart problems and/or pregnant women.https://youtu.be/rxaUI0AqdyU
(https://64.media.tumblr.com/2594d2b4f4cacf945da15acfb60765b8/tumblr_mryx7bg0Tp1qg4blro1_500.gif)
THE HORROR!
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
ediot: the finnish product in that vidya looks like a cuppa diarrhea poo, disgusting! He even has to eat it with a spoon, so nasty. I apologize for posting that, thread.
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Indeed, I don't believe either of us needs to clarify our position on Microwave Lava Cakes or any sort of baked good that uses the microwave as the heat source for "baking."
the following vidya may be unsuitable for children, those with heart problems and/or pregnant women.https://youtu.be/rxaUI0AqdyU
(https://64.media.tumblr.com/2594d2b4f4cacf945da15acfb60765b8/tumblr_mryx7bg0Tp1qg4blro1_500.gif)
THE HORROR!
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
ediot: the finnish product in that vidya looks like a cuppa diarrhea poo, disgusting! He even has to eat it with a spoon, so nasty. I apologize for posting that, thread.
Sir, should we issue a campaign statement on this abomination? I have never seen such a thing!!! Holy Jesus what is the world coming to? Perhaps “mug cakes are fug cakes” can be ultimately subsumed under the “Bakeries not Fakeries” initiative but if people are just putting cake things in a cup and nuking them out of sloth a strong moral corrective needs to be applied.
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To the Master of the Bakeshop:
What would be your opinion on this kitchen creation - the CHESS PIE?
Is it worth the effort in attempting for the most simpleminded novice?
http://www.paranoiamagazine.com/2020/06/the-paranoid-baker-conspiratorial-chess-pie/
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To the Master of the Bakeshop:
What would be your opinion on this kitchen creation - the CHESS PIE?
Is it worth the effort in attempting for the most simpleminded novice?
http://www.paranoiamagazine.com/2020/06/the-paranoid-baker-conspiratorial-chess-pie/
I think Roz is the mistress, she started it and is, as far as I know, the only educated baker among us, who has actually had people buy her things.
I am ambivalent about the chess pie the same way I am about WOTR’s butter tarts, to which it bears a certain resemblance. Both derive from English baking which, because of their historical dominance of the West Indies sugar trade, settle on the superabundant sugar as the thing that makes a thing “good”, you see it everywhere with “sticky” this and “toffee” that, the whole point of the dessert is consuming sugar in vast quantities. It is the same with the Dutch whose free hand with spices stems from their East Indies empire.
Sugar has never been enough for most cultures, even in the South where the pie originates, where they quickly added pecans the same way Canadians turned to that staple English supplement of raisins. Of course, as a dessert, it will be “good” in the same way eating a sugar lump is tasty, but it seems to me a pie is meant to show off a comparatively rare or seasonal ingredient, like berries or nuts or something beyond just sugar, which just isn’t special enough any more. I’m afraid the chess pie, however ancient and storied (most of my old cookbooks have it in there), is doomed forever to be pecan’s poor cousin.
That said, I would never turn down a piece 😁
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I think Roz is the mistress, she started it and is, as far as I know, the only educated baker among us, who has actually had people buy her things.
I am ambivalent about the chess pie the same way I am about WOTR’s butter tarts, to which it bears a certain resemblance. Both derive from English baking which, because of their historical dominance of the West Indies sugar trade, settle on the superabundant sugar as the thing that makes a thing “good”, you see it everywhere with “sticky” this and “toffee” that, the whole point of the dessert is consuming sugar in vast quantities. It is the same with the Dutch whose free hand with spices stems from their East Indies empire.
Sugar has never been enough for most cultures, even in the South where the pie originates, where they quickly added pecans the same way Canadians turned to that staple English supplement of raisins. Of course, as a dessert, it will be “good” in the same way eating a sugar lump is tasty, but it seems to me a pie is meant to show off a comparatively rare or seasonal ingredient, like berries or nuts or something beyond just sugar, which just isn’t special enough any more. I’m afraid the chess pie, however ancient and storied (most of my old cookbooks have it in there), is doomed forever to be pecan’s poor cousin.
That said, I would never turn down a piece 😁
Thank you for the astute and well informed opinion. My sentiments exactly with respect to the over sweetness.
https://www.readersdigest.ca/culture/surprising-history-butter-tarts/
Butter tarts may seem mundane for some; nanaimo bars look more interesting, as well as being irresistable.
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... the only educated baker among us...
I too am formally edumicated in the Art of Baking from a professional chef's school. Although, I do not retain a Pastry Chef certification; I did, as Sous Chef at my friend's French restaurant, bake such wonders as quiche, vol-au-vent, pate a choux, Tarte de pommes a la Normande et aussi quelqechoses autres... and in my long career in professional kitchens have baked all sorts of things, Chickens & Beef Roasts not to be included, of course as topical to this thread. While not a specialist of the Art, I am well familiar with it and actually still have my Fundamentals of Baking or "On Baking" (https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/on-baking-a-textbook-of-baking-and-pastry-fundamentals_sarah-r-labensky/573154/item/27902034/?gclid=CjwKCAjwn6GGBhADEiwAruUcKmlrVOQB6u8x5xtGs-6IG4pG9sTiX4avA33lpnbXDq47-EqRf24HMxoCUmEQAvD_BwE#idiq=27902034&edition=13467221) textbook from the class I took. That was incidentally taught by a Monk! One of those weird Catholic ones that are famous for their mad bread-making skills.
(https://entertablement.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/French-Apple-Tart-0674.jpg)
I also made (and taught mes amis Francais at the restaurant how to make) creme fraiche well before that funny as hell South Park episode aired (much to my later chagrine.)
https://youtu.be/jylnLk5u_Co
K_Dubb Attend; I am hurt! Remember that I play the fool so that mine enemies underestimate me, it also aids in blending in with the general population: 99% of which possess a significantly lower IQ than I.
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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I too am formally edumicated in the Art of Baking from a professional chef's school. Although, I do not retain a Pastry Chef certification; I did, as Sous Chef at my friend's French restaurant, bake such wonders as quiche, vol-au-vent, pate a choux, Tarte de pommes a la Normande et aussi quelqechoses autres... and in my long career in professional kitchens have baked all sorts of things, Chickens & Beef Roasts not to be included, of course as topical to this thread. While not a specialist of the Art, I am well familiar with it and actually still have my Fundamentals of Baking or "On Baking" (https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/on-baking-a-textbook-of-baking-and-pastry-fundamentals_sarah-r-labensky/573154/item/27902034/?gclid=CjwKCAjwn6GGBhADEiwAruUcKmlrVOQB6u8x5xtGs-6IG4pG9sTiX4avA33lpnbXDq47-EqRf24HMxoCUmEQAvD_BwE#idiq=27902034&edition=13467221) textbook from the class I took. That was incidentally taught by a Monk! One of those weird Catholic ones that are famous for their mad bread-making skills.
(https://entertablement.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/French-Apple-Tart-0674.jpg)
I also made (and taught mes amis Francais at the restaurant how to make) creme fraiche well before that funny as hell South Park episode aired (much to my later chagrine.)
https://youtu.be/jylnLk5u_Co
K_Dubb Attend; I am hurt! Remember that I play the fool so that mine enemies underestimate me, it also aids in blending in with the general population: 99% of which possess a significantly lower IQ than I.
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
Sir, I am very sorry, I had forgotten somehow! So we have established that, rather than the master, I am the least-qualified member of the bakery team, I should be washing bowls and licking spatulas, that is fine with me! I have never made vols-au-vent, the prospect is terrifying.
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Sir, I am very sorry, I had forgotten somehow! So we have established that, rather than the master, I am the least-qualified member of the bakery team, I should be washing bowls and licking spatulas, that is fine with me! I have never made vols-au-vent, the prospect is terrifying.
Hah! Unless you are actually making puff-pastry dough, which is terrifying, the construction of vol-au-vent is incredibly simple. Using pre-fab frozen sheets of puff-pastry dough it is incredibly simple. All you need is two circular cookie cutters (or any shape really, they merely need to be somewhat congruent in shape and one slightly smaller than the other), an appropriately temperatured oven, a sheet pan, some melted butter or egg wash to brush between the layers to act as a "glue," and some sort of savory or sweet filling for them.
Hear a vidya:
https://youtu.be/POphgaBYk3U
I think we made slightly smaller diameter ones that had two or three layers and thus were taller. We would fill them with a Lobster & Saffron bechamel which sounded a lot fancier in French when printed on the menu "Vols-au-vents de Bechamel homarde et saffron" or something like that. Sometimes there was an actual name for a "bechamel + lobster + saffron" sauce that made it even more inscrutable WTAF you were going to eat so it could have been something along the lines of "Vols-au-vents Rozalinde" which is very hawt in its simplicity and brevity.
There was some chanson by La Rue Ketanou that spoke of the wind (vents) that I particularly enjoyed listening to while making those, if the following is not it; it was quite similar:
https://youtu.be/UVfMG4bwfDw
You should bust out your accordion and listen to some of the accordion heavy Ketanou songs (of which there are many) and see if you can reproduce their sound. They do some really cool Nautical Shanties (Chantes) stuff with a modern twist that you might enjoy.
I don't think any of the professional Baking stuff I did was anything difficult, it just sounded that way because it was listed on the Menu, en Francais which always makes things sound fancy.
For instance were I to make a Dog Turd Pie we might list it on the Menu as "Tarte crotte Toutou" which sounds quite innocent and cute, as a plus you are able to charge a lot more for it because it has a pretty name! You could serve it to unsuspecting guest with a look on your visage as impeccant as the the puppy's below:
(https://dogsaremyuniverse.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/shutterstock_506561761-1.jpg)
If you are skilled enough, you could even score it as a Triple Entente when revisiting the story among fellow French fiends later, which would be most amusing indeed...
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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I find it amusing that for the past few weeks I have been using up the last of some ham and pulled pork to make myself Cuban Sandwiches. I am heavily buttering them, wrapping in foil and putting in a sort of panni-press pan and baking them in the oven.
My pan looks like this:
(https://cdn.cutleryandmore.com/products/large/28052.jpg)
My brother-in-law apparently didn't like it, and gave it to me. I think he was using it wrong or something, don't know.
For those of you unfamiliar with the Cuban:
(https://lindysez.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/cuban-sandwich-unwrapped.jpg)
A "Cuban" loaf*, Yellow* Mustard on lower bread, layer of Swiss cheese, layer of Ham, more Swiss, layer of Sliced Roasted Pork*, layer of Pickles, another layer of Swiss cheese*, more Yellow Mustard on top bread. Butter and grill under a heavy weight to smash it together until cheese melts*.
They are pretty damn good, although I am Nautical Shore at all if I ever had one while I was in Florida or not. I was pretty high most of the time there so it is difficult to recall, I will say maybe side of probably?
Damn tasty, although I understand there is a version that includes Salami in addition to the Pork & Ham which I have not yet tried. Mainly because I don't have any Salami. Sounds wierd, which is probably why I tried it the first time, but it is actually really good.
Sadly, today is my last one as I have finally run out of Pulled Pork and Ham.
Viva la revolucion!
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
*(which apparently you can only buy the authenico version in Miami somewhere, or just use baguettes, hoagies, pane loaves, whatever)
*(common White Trash, bright yellow)
*(I am using pulled pork, bbq)
*(apparently most people do only two layers, I like Swiss cheese)
*(or wrap in foil, heavily buttered and bake 350F in a pannini pan ~7 minutes a side)
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Here is a fyrstekake I made this weekend out of Astrid Carlson Scott's book. Grandma use to make hers in a springform but I have moved it to a tart pan, which takes a 1.5 recipe to fill generously. It's a cookie crust with cardamom in it, filled with what is basically just almond paste made with unblanched almond flour -- that is why it is dark. It doesn't look like much but there are two sticks of good low-moisutre butter and four cups of sugar and four eggs in that baby, pure diabetes on a plate, but absolutely delicious. There are a lot of recipes for this but Astrid Carlson Scott's comes out the most like my grandma's, a decadent ratio of filling to crust (some other ones are downright miserly in their proportions) and not so dry, which is its usual failing -- crumbly and parched so you need coffee right away. I add a couple tablespoons of butter to her recipe and an extra yolk, and never have a dry one thank God.
(https://i.ibb.co/cCmx53B/fyrstekake.png)
Grandma always used to make hers with raw sugar in the cookie crust so I do the same thing, I think it makes the taste a bit rustic and goes better with the almond paste.
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Here is a fyrstekake I made this weekend out of Astrid Carlson Scott's book. Grandma use to make hers in a springform but I have moved it to a tart pan, which takes a 1.5 recipe to fill generously. It's a cookie crust with cardamom in it, filled with what is basically just almond paste made with unblanched almond flour -- that is why it is dark. It doesn't look like much but there are two sticks of good low-moisutre butter and four cups of sugar and four eggs in that baby, pure diabetes on a plate, but absolutely delicious. There are a lot of recipes for this but Astrid Carlson Scott's comes out the most like my grandma's, a decadent ratio of filling to crust (some other ones are downright miserly in their proportions) and not so dry, which is its usual failing -- crumbly and parched so you need coffee right away. I add a couple tablespoons of butter to her recipe and an extra yolk, and never have a dry one thank God.
(https://i.ibb.co/cCmx53B/fyrstekake.png)
Grandma always used to make hers with raw sugar in the cookie crust so I do the same thing, I think it makes the taste a bit rustic and goes better with the almond paste.
That is awesum, Kay_Dubya!
Next time you make that, practice your weaving skillz:
(https://piechef.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/lattice-weaving2289-1200-1-1024x770.jpg)
And it will look even MOAR butter.
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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Has anyone ever tried a Jaffa orange? If so can you recommend an orange that is similar in taste? I made this recipe a while back with navel oranges instead:
https://foodlovermagazine.com/recipe-index/baking/sweet/jaffa-orange-cakes/14412 . It is from the first season of The Great British Bake-Off's cake week challenge winner. It turned out alright but I would like to try it again. I think I'll need a really orangey tasting orange. Maybe mandarin? Those are pretty orangey.
According to wikipedia:
"The Jaffa orange, a label introduced by German Templers in the late 19th century and also known by their Arabic name, Shamouti orange, is an orange variety with few seeds and a tough skin that makes it particularly suitable for export. Today the variety is practically extinct.
Developed by Palestinian farmers in the mid-19th century, the variety takes its name from the city of Jaffa where it was first produced for export.
'Jaffa' oranges, also known as shamouti, are practically seedless, with a flavour that has been described as "excellent" and "sweet and fine"."
"Sweet and fine" isn't very helpful.
Apparently you can buy them in England, despite being "practically extinct". Hey Sredni, can you mail me a couple?
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Has anyone ever tried a Jaffa orange? If so can you recommend an orange that is similar in taste? I made this recipe a while back with navel oranges instead:
https://foodlovermagazine.com/recipe-index/baking/sweet/jaffa-orange-cakes/14412 . It is from the first season of The Great British Bake-Off's cake week challenge winner. It turned out alright but I would like to try it again. I think I'll need a really orangey tasting orange. Maybe mandarin? Those are pretty orangey.
According to wikipedia:
"The Jaffa orange, a label introduced by German Templers in the late 19th century and also known by their Arabic name, Shamouti orange, is an orange variety with few seeds and a tough skin that makes it particularly suitable for export. Today the variety is practically extinct.
Developed by Palestinian farmers in the mid-19th century, the variety takes its name from the city of Jaffa where it was first produced for export.
'Jaffa' oranges, also known as shamouti, are practically seedless, with a flavour that has been described as "excellent" and "sweet and fine"."
"Sweet and fine" isn't very helpful.
Apparently you can buy them in England, despite being "practically extinct". Hey Sredni, can you mail me a couple?
I have never tried a "Jaffa Orange" to compare it to anything.
(https://ih0.redbubble.net/image.28817112.9531/flat,550x550,075,f.u1.jpg)
I have had the "Satsuma Orange" from Louisiana, however. They are sweet, relatively seedless and should begin to be available in a few months (I think they are a late September-October crop). You might give them a try if you can find them? At least they grow here in the States, so maybe easier to find than these Jaffa things.
(http://www.feedmedearly.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/satsuma.jpg)
Here is a wiki article about them: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Citrus_unshiu
Citrus unshiu is the botanical name for them I guess...
Good luck!
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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That's kind of a mandarin. I was wondering if Jaffas had a unique flavor but from what I've read it doesn't seem like it. I'll wait until oranges are in season and buy every kind and go with the one with the best flavor.
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That's kind of a mandarin. I was wondering if Jaffas had a unique flavor but from what I've read it doesn't seem like it. I'll wait until oranges are in season and buy every kind and go with the one with the best flavor.
Looks like you can find them on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=satsuma+oranges+fresh&crid=39S0NZOYC4WLL&sprefix=satsuma+orange%2Caps%2C171&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_1_14 (https://www.amazon.com/s?k=satsuma+oranges+fresh&crid=39S0NZOYC4WLL&sprefix=satsuma+orange%2Caps%2C171&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_1_14)
My relatives usually send up a box or two when they are in season, I can attest that they ship well through the US Mail. If you happen to be down Louisiana-way when they are in season there will be pop-up roadside stands all over the place where you can get them.
As I recall the largest one I have ever held in my hand was approximately baseball sized. They are very "orangey," although I have only had ones from somebody's yard that were probably picked at the peak of ripeness. The Amazon ones might not be as good as the ones I am used to.
This year's crop might not be all that great, as I recall there were some late frost events down that way. I don't know if those happened during the time the orange trees were flowering though.
Kumquats might serve as well: those grow down there too and are "orangey." But they are tiny and would probably be a pain in the ass to use.
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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Plum tart today, with little yellow plums from the neighbor 👅
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Looks like you can find them on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=satsuma+oranges+fresh&crid=39S0NZOYC4WLL&sprefix=satsuma+orange%2Caps%2C171&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_1_14 (https://www.amazon.com/s?k=satsuma+oranges+fresh&crid=39S0NZOYC4WLL&sprefix=satsuma+orange%2Caps%2C171&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_1_14)
My relatives usually send up a box or two when they are in season, I can attest that they ship well through the US Mail. If you happen to be down Louisiana-way when they are in season there will be pop-up roadside stands all over the place where you can get them.
As I recall the largest one I have ever held in my hand was approximately baseball sized. They are very "orangey," although I have only had ones from somebody's yard that were probably picked at the peak of ripeness. The Amazon ones might not be as good as the ones I am used to.
This year's crop might not be all that great, as I recall there were some late frost events down that way. I don't know if those happened during the time the orange trees were flowering though.
Kumquats might serve as well: those grow down there too and are "orangey." But they are tiny and would probably be a pain in the ass to use.
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
Hey, that's a good idea. It would be a great excuse to go to the French Quarter too! Do you want to go with me?
I'll check out kumquats too, maybe mix them in with other oranges.
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Plum tart today, with little yellow plums from the neighbor 👅
Your dedication is inspiring.
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Hey, that's a good idea. It would be a great excuse to go to the French Quarter too! Do you want to go with me?
I'll check out kumquats too, maybe mix them in with other oranges.
O
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🥳
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Your dedication is inspiring.
🥰 the only question is fresh with pastry cream or baked with frangipane, these are pretty ripe little sugar bombs I don’t think I can get really pretty slices so frangipane it is
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O
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Well, it's a better idea than waiting for Sredni to mail me some. He'd probably send me a box of spiders anyway.
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waiting for Sredni
https://youtu.be/nTBPCJ7vcFY
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Well, it's a better idea than waiting for Sredni to mail me some. He'd probably send me a box of spiders anyway.
Haha yea he would. I’m sorry I’ve never had a Jaffa orange, but I have had those Jaffa cakes they make and they just taste like orange. I’m thinking a good tart-sweet satsuma would be a reasonable approximation, I never buy navel oranges they just seem inferior grown for size and looks.
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I’ve never had a Jaffa orange
I bet we could find an orchard to take you to.
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I bet we could find an orchard to take you to.
🥳
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Jacky where is my rhubarb pie recipe she was trying to tell you but you just ignored her. If she won’t tell me where to find her hot brother with a canoe the least she can do is tell me how to thicken a rhubarb pie without dulling the acidity.
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she was trying to tell you but you just ignored her.
I can only respond to messages that my Mockingbird handlers allow me to see long enough to read.
And I am one pretty f****** slow reader, let me tell you. I'm still reading working through my Valentine's Day cards from 1995.
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I know it is possible to do because my mom got one from Harry & David that was beautifully set and so tart it made your nono pucker.
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I can only respond to messages that my Mockingbird handlers allow me to see long enough to read.
And I am one pretty f****** slow reader, let me tell you. I'm still reading working through my Valentine's Day cards from 1995.
You are perfectly useless, I will just ask bunny.
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You are perfect
So jelly.
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Hey, that's a good idea. It would be a great excuse to go to the French Quarter too! Do you want to go with me?
I'll check out kumquats too, maybe mix them in with other oranges.
Sure, it's been awhile since I visited the ancestral homeland.
Road trip or fly in? I vote for a road trip, I love driving through the Ozark Mountains although there is that long stretch of nothing in N. Louisiana that is about as boring as driving through Kansas.
I will want to visit my grandmother, aunts, uncles & cousins and at least drive by my 40 acres.
My aunt has a Meyer Lemon tree that should have tons of lemons when the Satsuma season is in full swing. Those make incredible marmalade and Lemon Meringue pies.
If school is still in session I will have to be back in KC for my Tuesday & Thursday classes, so it would have to be a weekend trip.
I can provide a canine traveling companion, what is a road trip without a goofy dog riding along? Mongo Lloyd would probably be the best bet: Flipper McGee is too crazy and Hanz II is gigantic. I think all three of them would be too much. One might even be too much, you decide on the dog thing.
(https://www.newgamenetwork.com/images/uploads/games/1482017577_orangeadventure.jpg)
An Adventure! The Quest for the Mythical Satsuma Orange. Maybe K_Dubb will be inspired to write an epic poem about it?
It might just be crazy enough to work, I'm in.
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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🥳🎉I am trying not to get too excited yes an Epic Poem! Though as is well-known that English has no rhyme for “orange” and the only thing that rhymes with satsuma I can think of is tumor I think the first time I talked to Roz about baking she was juicing limes for a key lime pie not key limes just regular limes that whole key lime thing is a scam they don’t even use those little fuckers to make them in key west can you imagine what a pain in the ass to squeeze those little buggers one by one so there has been a citrus theme to this whole endeavor from the beginning ok I’ll shut up now and go prick my crust 🤐
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that whole key lime thing is a scam they don’t even use those little fuckers to make them in key west
I created a monster, and under my bed it started a trend.
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Sure, it's been awhile since I visited the ancestral homeland.
Road trip or fly in? I vote for a road trip, I love driving through the Ozark Mountains although there is that long stretch of nothing in N. Louisiana that is about as boring as driving through Kansas.
I will want to visit my grandmother, aunts, uncles & cousins and at least drive by my 40 acres.
My aunt has a Meyer Lemon tree that should have tons of lemons when the Satsuma season is in full swing. Those make incredible marmalade and Lemon Meringue pies.
If school is still in session I will have to be back in KC for my Tuesday & Thursday classes, so it would have to be a weekend trip.
I can provide a canine traveling companion, what is a road trip without a goofy dog riding along? Mongo Lloyd would probably be the best bet: Flipper McGee is too crazy and Hanz II is gigantic. I think all three of them would be too much. One might even be too much, you decide on the dog thing.
(https://www.newgamenetwork.com/images/uploads/games/1482017577_orangeadventure.jpg)
An Adventure! The Quest for the Mythical Satsuma Orange. Maybe K_Dubb will be inspired to write an epic poem about it?
It might just be crazy enough to work, I'm in.
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
Oh, that's alright. I'm not going to go meet your family, though I'm sure they are lovely. I just thought it would be a good excuse to go to the French Quarter for a day or two. Maybe take the train.
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OK here are some sample swatches I thought up while parbaking the shell, this has a lot of poetic potential!
In an orange grove that bordered a bayou,
'Twas there that I first came to spy you,
As you crawled on your knees
For what fell off the trees,
And the air was so hot it could fry you.
On second thought that sounds like it might be kind of stinky especially with a dog though I am sure Mongo is as sweet-smelling a pooch as could be wished so maybe
In the dark, 'neath a spreading Satsuma,
Her beauty no longer a rumor,
A lily-white maid
Gathered fruit in the shade,
And blossoms contrived to perfume her
I will have to work in an alligator or something and whatever sort of conveyance pate uses, perhaps one of those swamp-boats with a boxfan? This is definitely going to move work on La carotte Whiz Pierre to the back burner for the time being, but I think it is in order.
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Oh, that's alright. I'm not going to go meet your family, though I'm sure they are lovely. I just thought it would be a good excuse to go to the French Quarter for a day or two. Maybe take the train.
(https://i.redd.it/331t14f85nz31.jpg)
Oh my, you misunderstand me. You are under no moral, southern societal or familial obligation to meet my relatives! I however am under all three obligations, and would be remiss in my duty as a someday landed gentry of the area to not call upon my relatives should I be in the area.
Of course, under the rules of Southern Hospitality, you are welcome to join me but certainly not required. This is probably for the best, should you be unwittingly insulted by the offer of a Ham or Roast Beef sandwich during such a visit, I would be at quite a loss on how to cover that faux-pas. One the one hand, I could not be indiscreet and inform them of your personal culinary tastes (whatever those may be) as this would be rude under the Code of Southern Gentility to demand anything from one's host. Nor could I countenance the insult to your person such an offer would imply! The situation would be quite untenable, as I am sure you have already surmised.
No, for various possible reasons it might be prudent for me to take a temporary leave of you for perhaps a half-day and tend to my personal affairs in the area. Should the unforeseen possibility of our not getting along famously occur: a brief reprieve from my or your company might be welcome to one or both of us. I doubt the likelihood of that scenario, however. So however painful it may be, it will be necessary for me to beg your leave to go visit my family.
I like the train idea. I haven't ridden on a train since my last trip to Europe, I had honestly not even considered that as a means of conveyance, how wonderful that you have!
Perhaps I could rent a car for a day, and make the trip from NO to BR. If you like zoos, there is the Baton Rouge Zoo (https://www.brzoo.org/) which quite close to the ancestral lands. I could deposit you there to spend the day while I conduct my affairs, I think there is also a public golf course nearby as well if you like golfing... Or you could stay in the French Quarter and get your drink on? It is your movie, and you are the director so whatever you like.
There is also the Audubon Zoo (https://audubonnatureinstitute.org/zoo), which I don't think I have ever visited, maybe once when I was five or six. For a touristy schtick you could go see the Tobasco Factory at Avery Island (https://www.tabasco.com/visit-avery-island/) and get a souvenir hunk of salt from the salt dome, I had one at some point but might have eaten it! Hah, I was a strange child...
I would have to check the train routes, but I imagine we could meet in St. Louis and proceed to NO from there... Of course, if that frost killed all the oranges this year this whole mad scheme might be in vain. It is fun to think about though.
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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OK here are some sample swatches I thought up while parbaking the shell, this has a lot of poetic potential!
In an orange grove that bordered a bayou,
'Twas there that I first came to spy you,
As you crawled on your knees
For what fell off the trees,
And the air was so hot it could fry you.
On second thought that sounds like it might be kind of stinky especially with a dog though I am sure Mongo is as sweet-smelling a pooch as could be wished so maybe
In the dark, 'neath a spreading Satsuma,
Her beauty no longer a rumor,
A lily-white maid
Gathered fruit in the shade,
And blossoms contrived to perfume her
I will have to work in an alligator or something and whatever sort of conveyance pate uses, perhaps one of those swamp-boats with a boxfan? This is definitely going to move work on La carotte Whiz Pierre to the back burner for the time being, but I think it is in order.
Maybe it could be a sequel or pre-quel to "La Carrotte Whiz Pierre" somehow?
That second one, is terribly saccarine: Hah, I love it!
I don't think dogs are allowed on trains, so Mongo Lloyd might have to remain at home. Hopefully not to suffer the same fate as faithful Argos, that would be awful.
(https://tse4.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.1hlJiCUKvS70EQGdPGjSHAAAAA&pid=Api)
He's just a boy...
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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Here is the tart, you can see the plums were so ripe they melted into goo and I didn't even bother doing that thing where you heat jelly and paint it on to gloss them after the oven dries their surfaces to leather. Oh well, that's what powdered sugar is for.
(https://i.ibb.co/ZJvtGKf/plum-tart-2021.png)
The juice of course mostly went into the frangipane, which is of course the design of the thing, and the beauty of these little yellow plums is that, even when as sweet as candy, they preserve a good bit of acidity in the skin. I have made this tart with Italian Prunes and little green plums and it's not the same at all.
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No reports yet, but Hurricane Ida may have jeopardized Roz's
JaffaSatsuma Orange Cake plans this year.
LSU AgCenter (https://www.lsuagcenter.com/) does not yet have any reports of damage from this storm to the citrus crop, but I imagine in the coming days they will.
Here's some pictures of what sorts of crop damage you can expect from previous historical storms:
(https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/magnoliareporter.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/3/ed/3edef33a-25ac-11eb-ab66-0f267ba37d7a/5fae7cc86cd16.image.jpg?resize=1200%2C900)
(https://www.lsuagcenter.com/~/media/system/a/1/d/7/a1d7dd84d5aa0e7ba28f9fe58641ab6c/citrusresearchstation83005.jpg?h=1944&la=en&w=2592)
I don't know why, but what bothers me most about that last image is the loose tie-down rope (or whatever it is) flopping around under the wing. My inner aviator would not "let that fly," but I guess there could be a good reason for it?
Anyway, I cannot imagine that this storm will have no impact on this year's harvest. I believe the "Satsuma Season" typically begins about a month from now with the first harvest, and continues to around Christmas time when it starts to peter out.
Sustained winds 60-70mph with gusts up to 140mph are probably going to knock more than a few heavy unripened Satsumas off the branches, if not break the hell out of said branches.
To my knowledge, it is still officially a "State of Emergency" and has not been declared a "FEMA Disaster Zone" yet.
Roz: you might want to start looking at Satsumas from other states: I bet Alabama, Mississippi & Florida have orchards. Georgia is worth looking at, and of course *spit* California.
As for an excuse for travel to New Orleans; if you think assisting in the clean-up effort sounds fun, I suppose we could go do that instead. I will note that part of the reason I ended up in Key West was that my lady friend at the time thought it would be a good idea to go help assist in the Hurricane Andrew aftermath of 1992.
We were stopped at a Military Checkpoint as suspected looters, a rifle was pointed at my head (I didn't notice that, but she did and it freaked her the hell out) and we were instructed to "Get the hell out of here."
Andrew was a Category 5 and Ida was "only" a Category 4 so maybe it won't be that bad on this one. Nautical Shore on that, but perhaps a "rain check" (ha-ha!) is in order on the New Orleans thing?
(http://barkpost.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/jiu_rf_photo_of_sad_dog_and_onions-808x808.jpg)
Pretend that the Garlic & Onions are Satsuma Oranges in the above image
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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Jacky where is my rhubarb pie recipe she was trying to tell you but you just ignored her. If she won’t tell me where to find her hot brother with a canoe the least she can do is tell me how to thicken a rhubarb pie without dulling the acidity.
I know it is possible to do because my mom got one from Harry & David that was beautifully set and so tart it made your nono pucker.
🥳🎉I am trying not to get too excited yes an Epic Poem! Though as is well-known that English has no rhyme for “orange” and the only thing that rhymes with satsuma I can think of is tumor I think the first time I talked to Roz about baking she was juicing limes for a key lime pie not key limes just regular limes that whole key lime thing is a scam they don’t even use those little fuckers to make them in key west can you imagine what a pain in the ass to squeeze those little buggers one by one so there has been a citrus theme to this whole endeavor from the beginning ok I’ll shut up now and go prick my crust 🤐
OK here are some sample swatches I thought up while parbaking the shell, this has a lot of poetic potential!
In an orange grove that bordered a bayou,
'Twas there that I first came to spy you,
As you crawled on your knees
For what fell off the trees,
And the air was so hot it could fry you.
On second thought that sounds like it might be kind of stinky especially with a dog though I am sure Mongo is as sweet-smelling a pooch as could be wished so maybe
In the dark, 'neath a spreading Satsuma,
Her beauty no longer a rumor,
A lily-white maid
Gathered fruit in the shade,
And blossoms contrived to perfume her
I will have to work in an alligator or something and whatever sort of conveyance pate uses, perhaps one of those swamp-boats with a boxfan? This is definitely going to move work on La carotte Whiz Pierre to the back burner for the time being, but I think it is in order.
Here is the tart, you can see the plums were so ripe they melted into goo and I didn't even bother doing that thing where you heat jelly and paint it on to gloss them after the oven dries their surfaces to leather. Oh well, that's what powdered sugar is for.
(https://i.ibb.co/ZJvtGKf/plum-tart-2021.png)
The juice of course mostly went into the frangipane, which is of course the design of the thing, and the beauty of these little yellow plums is that, even when as sweet as candy, they preserve a good bit of acidity in the skin. I have made this tart with Italian Prunes and little green plums and it's not the same at all.
Orange = Door Hinge? Doggerel at best.
"nono"? Nonces? Camdles?
(https://allhdwallpapers.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/Candle-6.jpg)
https://youtu.be/tqj6MNL86M0
https://youtu.be/P8ciVBQixpU
Tart?
-CPM
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTiMd2By5Ug
(https://i.postimg.cc/FsFmmm75/1633715050180.jpg)
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Roz, check this out:
https://youtu.be/tWgbgxsamK8
Say, did you manage to find any Satsumas? It should be peak harvest season right now.
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I made a few loaves of whole wheat bread the other day that turned out okay (no pics sorry) and last night I was playing around with my Jiffy Clone Cornbread recipe.
(https://images.heb.com/is/image/HEBGrocery/000174330)
Which I have absolutely dialed in for my 8.5" cast iron, but not yet for the 12" one. I did some math that indicated that the 12" was roughly double the 8.5" in volume which seemed counter-intuitive. I went ahead and did it anyway (even though I suspected it was wrong).
It is difficult to say for sure, as my digital scale decided to turn itself off right in the middle of weighing out the buttermilk. <---Sounds like it wouldn't be a big deal, just turn it on and re-weigh you say?---> Well, that is true, but I decided to put the full jug of buttermilk on the scale (sans cap) and zero the scale. Then pour the buttermilk into the batter and reweigh until the scale reached a value of -288g.
The scale I used has a range of 2g to ~5lbs(?whatever that is in grams?) and if you exceed that weight it displays a weight of "Err"<--(which should have ellipses following, I digress) ... and then turns itself off in shame.
Apparently, a full half gallon of buttermilk exceeds ~5lbs and the "Err...or" occurred when I added roughly 135g of buttermilk (I didna pay attention, gah). I had to switch to the emergency "Eyeball Mk-II" back-up scale for the remainder.
This was all for the best, it turned out that my calculated batch was not nearly as voluminous as I had hoped. The finished cornbread barely rose to fill half of the 12" cast-iron, doubling of the recipe is indicated.
It did have a pretty nice crown though; I estimate the peak of which was at about 2/3 the height of the cast-iron: the proportions are solid.
I was also testing to see if the omission of sugar in my Jiffy Clone recipe affected final product/crumb etc (if, for instance, one wants something suitable for Cornbread Stuffing): It does not.
Though the final product was half as much as expected, it managed to nicely fill a 1/2 sheet pan when crumbled. That was my aim in the first place (which might be the proximate/ultimate cause of the volume maths error: Nautical Shore).
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I do not know if Candy falls within the scope of this thread.
If so, I am happy to report that the "Caramel Mk-I" feasibility test resulted in an edible product, although I suspect that the meat thermometer I used should be replaced with an actual candy thermometer. 338F was my temperature benchmark, and I think that is at the upper end of my meat thermometer's range, which typically can throw accuracy off (you want to measure temperature in the middle of a thermometer's range ideally).
It didn't quite burn, although there was some smokiness present and when the Caramel cooled to room temperature; it was dangerously close to "hard crack" stage but retained flexibility.
I would not eat this product if you have crowns on your teeth: it has surface adhesion properties close to dental glue...
I will shoot for a ~330F benchmark temperature next time and perhaps buy an actual digital Candy Thermometer.
I also established that Heavy Whipping Cream will work for making Caramel, although I do not how that will affect shelf stability: this may require some sort of environmental control as I intend to coat the final "Caramel Mk-XYZ" recipe in Milk Chocolate.
The Mk-I batch would be great for decorative work though:
(https://files.heftycdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/a9ecbcde1108df8c64bb4d1295b3da87.jpg)
I think mine would have been a bit darker brown if I had done that.
Good Thymes!
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KfsW93y9KH0
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Let’s face it. Elvis was a God fearing Christian man and gospel music was very important to him. So, what better time of year than Christmas to pay homage to his favorite sandwich, a sandwich I’ve taken to lovingly call The Elvis. I believe I may have refined and perfected this recipe. This sandwich is essentially made like a grilled cheese sandwich except instead of cheese there’s peanut butter and banana slices in the middle. Here’s how I make it:
Take two slices of whole wheat or multigrain bread. If your heart’s set on white then have at it. I just prefer the extra fiber and nutritional value from whole grain bread.
On one slice butter both sides.
On the other only butter the outside.
On the first slice sprinkle some cinnamon or cinnamon sugar on the inside then place thinnly sliced banana on top of that.
On the other slice spread a layer of honey and then natural peanut butter on top of that.
Place the two slices together and fry in a pan as you would a grilled cheese.
Enjoy and Merry Christmas!
(https://i.pinimg.com/600x315/43/f0/e0/43f0e0b00936ae4ce2320f409317e1bf.jpg)
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... have at it. I just prefer the extra fiber and nutritional value from whole grain bread...
(https://i.pinimg.com/600x315/43/f0/e0/43f0e0b00936ae4ce2320f409317e1bf.jpg)
This violates the spirit of the thing, also: No Bacon?
(https://i.pinimg.com/originals/8e/2c/ec/8e2cececaa5fabe00559b88c09425e16.jpg)
C'mon, Man!
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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This sandwich didn’t actually include bacon although I suppose it wouldn’t hurt. The sandwich Elvis ate with bacon was the Fool’s Gold Loaf made by the Colorado Mine Company, a restaurant in Denver, Colorado. The sandwich consists of a single warmed, hollowed-out loaf of bread filled with the contents of one jar of creamy peanut butter, one jar of grape jelly, and a pound of bacon.
(https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2017/08/16/19/434E8DE100000578-4796866-image-m-14_1502909821803.jpg)
(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/6b/Fool%27s_Gold_Loaf_%288720348111%29.jpg/2560px-Fool%27s_Gold_Loaf_%288720348111%29.jpg)
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...
(https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2017/08/16/19/434E8DE100000578-4796866-image-m-14_1502909821803.jpg)
...
You are aware that this man was murdered by the CIA shortly after he invented the "Deep Fried Gravy" gastronomic delight, do you not?
(https://i.pinimg.com/originals/3b/84/1f/3b841f8a9c65177b860b2e5c0f3fe7c7.jpg)
The above is a modern non-weapons grade simalcrumb, the "Original Recipe" was allegedly deadly to mere Normies. As an hôrs d'ouévre served at discrete international banquets, it could have been (and may have been) utilized to discretely eliminate "undesirables."
The King objected to this, and naturally was force-fed a lethal dose by the vile Agency. I think it ultimately took three dozen of the things to bring the man to his untimely end in the lâtrine...
This information is still classified, it is expected to be released shortly after both the full JFK files and the full Pfizer caccine FDA approval files...
https://youtu.be/PHm0iH6GckA
Oh lawd, the forty-five minutes for the baguettes is up...
I shall return!
(https://theonlinephotographer.typepad.com/.a/6a00df351e888f883401348590cf7f970c-600wi)
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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Umm...no...I never heard that before.
(https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/002/251/038/4cb.gif)
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https://youtu.be/i29CTD1gNA4
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
/self-reported: off-topic
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My brother just dropped off about a dozen Satsuma Oranges that he picked from our aunt's front-yard tree. I knew she had a Meyer Lemon tree but the Satsuma tree was a surprise (maybe I forgot about it?). He said he picked a wheelbarrow full...
Roz's Jaffa Orange Cake (https://foodlovermagazine.com/recipe-index/baking/sweet/jaffa-orange-cakes/14412) recipe looks overly complicated so I will probably just take this unexpected bounty and make orange marmalade with them...
I am lazy enough that I would be quite happy to pack them into a box and ship them to someone that could make better use of them.
(https://i1.ytimg.com/vi/cwynKGNRqTE/maxresdefault.jpg)
@Roz (http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=profile;u=34), they are yours if you want them.
I need to do something with them PDQ as they are really ripe, no idea how long they will last in the fridge before they go bad.
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)
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I need to do something with them PDQ as they are really ripe, no idea how long they will last in the fridge before they go bad.
Maybe if you opened the door and shouted at them once in a while they would last a little longer and give—well, produce—better juice to boot.
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Maybe if you opened the door and shouted at them once in a while they would last a little longer and give—well, produce—better juice to boot.
Daddy, is that you?
(https://i.imgur.com/tH7XENd.gif)
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Shit... I forgot about those Satsumas in the vegetable crisper drawer thing. Last time I checked on them one had started to go moldy, so I juiced it. It made pretty good orange juice, very sweet. I should take a peek at them when I go back in the kitchen to turn the pizza.
The pizza and the retarded dough I made for it was what I wanted to post about anyway.
Lately work has required that I make a 3-hour round-trip out of town after the close of the business day. Today I had a few spare minutes before leaving on that little jaunt and decided that I wanted to get a head start on my pizza. So I made the dough before I left, and so that it wouldn't rise too much I decided to retard the dough in the fridge (it slows the yeast down a bit).
I have to admit that during the mind-numbing 100+ highway-mile trip: near the end of it I began to giggle about the retarded "bun-in-the-oven-refrigerator." In fact, I began to hope for a slightly retarded little guy; I even gave it a nickname based on a certain member of this fine forum and looked forward to seeing it. I really would have been upset if it had been fully retarded, because I really don't have time for that shit. I will probably go to Hell for laughing about retarded dough, but I don't care.
Happily, it was perfectly retarded and I only had to allow it to come up to room temperature before punching it down and fitting it into the lightly larded half-sheet pan.
It is now about 5 minutes away from being fully-birthed from the oven, and from the looks of it it will be delicious.
https://youtu.be/_QvBLOZSuXc
I won't even laugh at it when it is finished, I promise.
Damn, I am so excited about the pizza I forgot to check on those Satsumas... I am sure they are fine!
(http://www.azzgab.co.za/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=47.0;attach=62;image)