UK Anglicsh                     Urban American English
bloddy                               dayum
bobbies                             dem tittays
Bob's yur uncle                  Tom luvs dem tittays
'ere wot                             nigga, puh-lease

...

This list is by no means exhaustive, although I think I managed to alphabetize it (by UK Anglisck, anyhoo) correctly.

I invite, enjoin, and entreat all Ass-Grabbers of a lexical bent to contribute to this much needed linguistic dictionary.

(K_Dubb, Attend!)

My hope is to someday be able to nonsensically translate things like the following:

'Ere wot?  Me mates Bob's yur-uncle to the loo for a bit of the ol' in-out lavortory.  Chips, guvner!

Into semi-meaningful American Urban English which I have a somewhat better grasp of.

I realize this is a big ask; but I believe we, Ass-Grabbers, can and WILL rise to the challenge!

pate/? ? ? ? 2028
"For All Free Oathes"

-----

ediot:  I think my first Kamp-Pain promise for 2028 will be something along the lines of "Fixed Width Fonts for all Intar-Tube Postings" or somesuch, being OldSkool, I think "Consolas" would look nice (although, it still doesn't have that Commodore 64 'pop' that would really zing... alas)

Dear Sir,

A sudden spike in cases of a microscopic parasite causing watery, "explosive" diarrhea—known as cyclosporiasis—has been confirmed in 31 U.S. states. The Midwest and Northeast are currently experiencing the heaviest impacts, with the largest outbreaks concentrated in Michigan and Ohio.

I do not believe either of the two states mentioned are known for an abundance of homosexuals so I am going to have to assume it is straight people and their disgusting ways of Eating Out Of The Garbage and Not Putting Food Away Promptly are to blame. I associate the upper Midwest with casseroles and buffalo chicken wraps so it is perhaps something in the Franks (Barely) Hot Sauce or the tater tots? Or maybe butterburgers? I don't know; I yield to your superior cultural knowledge of the nether regions of our fair Countree

Yours ever,
K_Blubb

My fiend & one-thyme shirtless runsning mate:

To be sure, your report of g. Cyclospora's recent appearance in the Upper Midwest is indeed an intardasting flavor of herring (whether that be pickled or red remains to be determined!).

While this protozoan (g. Cyclospora) has a symptomatological effect similar to the bacterium (g. Shigella);  noted in the "Gay Diarrhea Is Spreading Rapidly" article as the proximate cause for this neu Corn-holeEbola-19.5 variant:  I am not entirely certain that the two are at all related...

To combat your cynical (many props to the original Cynic Diogenes!) response to my ludicrus "mutant digital strain of Gay Diarrhea" theory I will attempt a somewhat skeptical alternative theorrhetical rebuttal to address my fears for your health.

Firstly, before I display symptoms that might be mistaken for my own possible case of this "mutant digital diarrhea" (I would speculate it is a mutation of the mundane Cyclospora rather than one of the alternatives);  might I urge that you to add to your prophylactic measures one of the many Apple-flavored Ivermectin preparations that are readily available OTC?  I am not a Doctor;  you might consider consulting one before taking my homely & remedial advice:  which is free unlike the product I recommend to you!

I understand it is available OTC at places similar to TSC, or even via Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Ivermectin-Paste-Dewormer-1-87-Apple-Flavored/dp/B0DYFBP35G) should you wish to avoid the social embarrassment of a Doctur's consultation.  If you avail yourself of the Tractor Supply Co. option, you might commit the small social sin of a white lie on equine ownership...

I digress...

I will attempt to demonstrate that the historical origin of this "Gay Diarrhea" & its subsquent spread to the Pacific Northwest may be laid squarely at the feet of the Huns & Damnable Swedes!

To wit:  A Hunnic source with a Damnable Swede distribution vector.

I posit that this particularly vile strain of g. Shigella had, in antiquity (5th-9th century Anno Domino), established itself in the Hunnic homelands and became endemic to the region.  I can only imagine it became endemic due to the somewhat unsavoury proclivities of the Hun (apogees for my blatant racism, I know that it must rankle your progressive sensibilities!  Alas, I am but one vibrant political shade, as Reaganus Maximus might say:  in the irridescent Political Rainbow;  which I continue to demand be relinquished to its original biblical meaning.  Again, I digress...)

From that ancestral Hunnic homeland, this bacterial strain next came into contact with the Kievian Rus circa 9th-13th centuries.  From thence, the Damnable Swedish contigent among the Rus brought it to Greater Scandehoovia, where it may or may not have then boarded Viking longboats, at some point, where it concieveably could have made the trans-Atlantic leap to the St. Laurentine passage and the Michigan/Ohio/American Upper Midwest.  It is then butt a simple transit along the Mississippi/Missouri/Snake and/or Columbia Rivers to your particular domain...

As a sub-thesis to address your herring-flavored g. Cyclospora theory:  this pathogen may, in fact, have been the weaker of the two during the proposed transit period, and thus, by virtue of being somewhat less deadly did not kill off the host population in great numbers leaving it endemic to the American Upper Midwest (***more-on this in my conclusitory statement***)... again I digress from my main point.

Upon this penultimate arrival of g. Shigella to your particular geographic region;  it, in modern thymes, has somehow digitally mutated into a variety that is now both infectuous and transmissible via the Intar-tubes!



I think we can all agree on whom the Patient Zero is, hear?



Explosive Gay Digital Diarrhea is no joke!  I fear it might be incurable, unless a digital form of Ivermectin might be discov'r'd....

I also fear that my more local pathogen Cyclospora might have made a similar digital mutation and I may be afflicted (witness my above Digital Diarrhea symptoms!).


I beg you pray for my health in this present calamity, as I do for yours.
I remain, &tc:



(& Fuck Øbama)

Doc,

  Buddy, I need your open-onion on which epithet is more damning: faggot or nigger?>

  I think we both agree that 'communist' is one that even Jay-sus would use for a piggy before sending it over the cliff...

  My gut (not to be kahn-fused with the GUCT) tells me the korreckt answer, but I feel I should hear what your gut says before 'pulling the trigger' on the level of damnation associated betwixt the two.

  TIA

Fuck Øbama

&