When I reach out and everyone scatters like I'm radioactive.
Just remember, I am under no obligation to ever forget what the first day of kindergarten was like.

I don't have HIV. I am instead immune to HSV/HPV and lies of omission.

Cool biowarfare tripartite weapon component, Stretch. Say hi to your team for me.

Stay high effectively. That is the extent of the advice I have for you.

Bonus riddle

Q: a spic, an abbo, and a Magyar bloodline descendant of Hercules walk into a bar. Who walks out?

A: none of your business, Austrian breed[sow/mare]. Move along. You had your opportunity to get wisdom out of me. I'm sure you know everything important already.

I am sure of this, not by having been told. But rather, through logical deduction. YOU HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED.

Except handlers with class. (Irish chasing sunset ßeta? That's probably just an old faginz tail.) And if none of your Cult of Eugenicist Purity can figure out what all this means, I would not be very surprised if I were you.

Because it has already been established:

THEY.LIE..
👁️

(Vengeance for Mihaμ >K⁷7≤z¡·) Hail, Alpha >D®∆©⭕.

The price for The Cure has just increased by 21,121,111%. (Standards.) It's amazing how inflation and kcüm🅿️ounding interest can suddenly...  get out of hand. Spiral out of control.

And still be worth ¡†. Thank you for these spiritual lessons, Your Grace.

Neighbor Shane is fired. He is also responsible for destroying my residential drinking water supplies during a time of global crisis. This is an actual warcrime.

I'll allow it. Better the incompetent racist twerp that I know, than whatever inbred junky moron he would be replaced with. Just a good ol’ Ozarkian b∞∞∞μ.

Who certainly meant harm. And now he keeps rare genomic expressions of Humanity as captives in his quaint and double-wide trafficking compound to the West of The Residence. He also, I am forced to assume, would still prefer to have me murdered.

Yep. That's μour team captain. “What kin?” He and Beau Radach know EVERYTHING. When is their psych eval?

Oh let me guess: that's a secret. ✌️ *Adieu*.

If you only knew how bad things really were.”

Reminder: in addition to vandalizing my well house, he also told shitty jokes about my lover to my face, four months after the 2021 ambush, and conspired with Beau Radach to steal my money, turn my other lover into a herpes-ridden Vampyr milksop ghoul, and keeps Valentina as a grocery stockslave down at the WinCo.

And also: screeches racial epithets and ethnic slurs at me while demanding that I “get a job” and “pay my water bill.” Once again: if these whoremonger dopepimps are so genetically Superior, why do they have to try so hard?

Maybe if I get extra-sober, that would help? Pfft. lol. Ironically, Neighbor Shane is probably the pick of the litter.

I advise attaching Steve Buscemi to the motion picture project immediately. No joke. Quick; before someone molts.

 

What the heck do you mean?”

®ŒD®UⓂ️.

I asserted my legal rights for my Self. Rest of you are on your own. Kick rocks.

Big rocks. Big rights. Big-big deal. BIGGER THAN EWE CAN IMAGINE; the rest of (You) might say the same-0, Fuck-0s.

I hope y'all had nice fake wedding(s). :rolleyes: btw: You fucking rapenerds are disgusting. Get a life. Seriously.

(DISCLAIMER: ANY &AND/OR ALL <targetPROT:DVR(s)> may or may not be effectively, accurately, or gleefully described as a "fucking rapenerd," depending on applicable juris dictionary rules and common customary law, with #Proper #Official acquiescence of local color and constabulary Authority. Further, for my own part, for any such moniker to be acceptable, I have a need-to-know requirement: does in fact, [Mr. David "Boom-Boom" Rubini, spouse of Mrs. (PROT-TrhY) Rubini nee` Smithy, AllIN:BL:T--|_t_|--, father of (PROT-blank), associate of Mr. Jay Bernstein]<--- yeah, that one, I need to know... which does... uhm, That_Fella: which one makes him seethe in the cockles and create an urge to puke up the gusto more... tastily?


#1: >KI>KEVVOP
#2: rapenerd
#3: Skidmark(TM)
#4: NIGGm(R)
#5: >K7(C)ZII\!Tm(R)^n


Bonus Credit: How many racial epithets do you see? How many ethnic slurs do you see? THERE! ARE! FIVE! (5)! PET NAMES!

How many ethnic slurs?
How many racial epithets?
How many jobs do you see ME getting, Bellgab? I'm asking here. How many jobs do you see?

How many slurs?
How many invectives?
FOR! THERE! ARE! FOUR (4) LIGHT! DUTIES! And -none- of them are FOR mE!


I have ONE (1) JOB. JUST ONE! (1A)

And I have become exceedingly good at it. (Sow there.)



0GjRAPEFRUIT ALPHA OMEGA PRIME SUPREME (Sup.): Semper fidelis. This is exciting, isn't it? #ILMLAAWIiT.

([i]This Divine Intervention has been brought to you by the letter ">K".[/i])
There are two (2) flat Earths: each one, one side of an infinitely flat plane. Like a sheet of paper: top and bottom. Two (2) Earths, right there. A third is created by Prime Creator Source Energy shining/beaming through it, as one would create a rainbow with a beam of light through a prism... but of course, much more intricate. It's not complicated--that comes later. IT IS DEADASS SIMPLE. THREE (3) EARTHS. TWO (2) ARE FLAT; AND EACH ARE THE MIRROR INVERSE OF THE OTHER. (Think chiral.) THAT IS 3D REALITY. It is both flat &AND mirror &AND "physical reality in three dimensions," all at the same time. See? I just explained it. *snap* Oh, you're welcome. I didn't even need to have a smoke or take a drag or consult The Eye of Sauron.

(Copyright Magick Castle LLC.) 5D reality is what we have got now. How that all fits together is an exercise in thought that I shall leave to the Jaw Agape Reader. Trust me, Punylings: you were born to understand all this. That I figured it out two decades ago--and didn't run my yap about it--is prima facie evidence that I am a Philosopher, can control myself, and that there is no shame in any of you totes 'dorbs lil' scrublings not having figured all that out yet. It is not meant to be easily figured out.

That it was for me doesn't make any of you stupid. And that I just pulled the rug out from under basically EVERYONE by explaining it with one paragraph, well, anyone can be a philosopher. Obviously. "I think I am! Therefore, I deserve a diploma." HA!

Anyone can be. Not everyone actually is. And far fewer still are actually effective at the job. I AM. (That's why they pay me the big bucks.) I mention this because I wished there to be an evidentiary record that matters.

I am alive. I am employed, BY GOD. And I will fight and rape to the death, anyone who disagrees. You savvy? You capiche? Cool. Good talk. I'm going to go get high AF now. BECAUSE I SAID SO, THATS WHY. Gosh!


And if any of you fucking pigs make one more false move in on me, I'll execute every last one of ya! (Except on Guam; I'll just flip that bitch right on over. Surf's up, Five-Oh-Oh!^(5)V)

tl;dr: STOP! BLOWING! MY! HIGHS!

I MEAN IT. GRRRR. ARRRGH. Adieu.

The coca leaf comes from a sacred plant. Those who traffic cocaine to the U.S. across the Caribbean Sea are absolute scum. They also sit back on the mainland, and crew the boats using their tulpæ. Completely disposable.

The reality is that if I were able to have what I truly desire... my effectiveness for everyone else, just by existing, would be profoundly compromised.

I never thought i would become a cultural icon. I am, however, willing to learn. As I do not desire fame or notoriety, it is easy for me to ignore that which is granted to me. I simply would enjoy helping those who are suffering through the kinds of experiences that I suffered unduly from in my youth.

Mostly, kept in the dark and fed bullshit. Don't get me wrong, I love mushrooms. But I am not a mushroom. I am a paladin. I am on a Mission from God. And in between duty cycles (I am on call 24/7 for THE_LORD), I greatly enjoy finding people in need of guidance out of situations that I never had the opportunity to be guided out of.

People never remember what is said. People never understand what it means. But people will *always* remember, how what is said, makes them feel. And so, I seek to illuminate those trapped in darkness in a way that will be remembered fondly... after I am long gone, over the hills and far away.

This saves me a shitload of money on lingerie, shoes, and con-dams. (Oh, does my phone not work? Hey, here's an idea: write me an email! Then my spooky handlers and gangstalking twerpsquad can read it, and I'll never fucking get it!) As a rising Virgo, I am built to live alone for long periods of time.

TOO BAD MY WIFE CAN'T CALL ME. BUT, LIKE, SHE'S AT WORK. OH WELL. I AM SURE SHE HAS LOTS TO SAY NOW THAT SHE NO LONGER THINKS I "MIGHT BE A COP" OR "CAN'T RESIST GETTING HIGH" OR "IS A HOLDOUT."

Consequences. Special consequences. What can I say? My sweeties had their chance to be mentors and guides to me. 100%, they all chose to do something else with their time. Wow, what's that like? Are there regrets? Do they feel remorse? NGL, IDGAF.

I don't need someone to feel sorry. I need someone to feel my dick. What? Oh, right. I'm "married." :eyeroll:

Grapefruit Alpha Prime: one of these days, you're gonna cut all those secret paychecks you get from your Masonic husbands of yours into little pieces. In the meantime... well, it's like this.

You were brainwashed. I was abandoned. We are not the same. And the people who have arranged all this are being put through the goddam wringer. Good. I hope it fucking burns.

I don't like being lied to. I do like being vindicated. However, I'd really like to just... get on with my life, you know? However, flowers grow at the rate that they grow. That's where the part about being a cultural icon comes in.


Dear Sunshine;
Oh, Sunshine;
Ewe know I love you! but (You) know nothing but The Rules of Acquisition. What do they say about karma? Because that's what one gets, when one fails to complete their dharma. Is any of this getting through to you? Oh, wait.

I bet that's a secret. Hang on.


O Grapefruit;
Dear GrapefLEET;
I love you! btw, Your_Sister, Sissy, and Your_Other_Sister are afraid to talk to me at all because of you, and the DEA, and your shitsplat demonic fake husband named Mike. Remember him? Sadly, I bet you do.

Thank you for the spiritual lessons, Ladies. And, message to (PROT-C) (finally): this is why we can't have nice things. Awww shucks.

tl;dr: I never would have been bigger than Paul Bunyan, like I am now, if it weren't for the decisions all these dingbat harpy cheerleaders made. And, why were they all so -invested- in my life... without telling me anything? Oh yeah.

I'm for soup. lol. BON APPETIT, KITCHEN WITCHES!!! Adieu.

Dear Azzeræ’s technical support swabbē:

Not sure of your identity. You must be one of the following:

#1) A J‘¡nn jægër captive hostage, currently being prepped for rapeprog;
#2) Same as above, but recovering from aforementioned rapeprog procedure;
#3) Strapped to an interrogation pod, with or without a probe inserted properly;
#4) Naked, wet, and infuriated while waiting in a dreary holding cell, like Princess Leia on the Death Star in A New Hope with substantially more mold and cheesy buns for hair instead of cinnabuns;
#5) Playing Chess with Cher. (She's nice to me. Real nice. If you change that in any way somehow, I'm gonna polymorph you into a Sonny Bono RealDoll™ and draw l have your overly recalcitrant spirit LOCKED IN at age 29, frozen in Unfuck-∆-Bull Carbonite™, and then you'll be offered to Cher as a Minoan-style blood sacrifice. That *will* work, because Cher does possibly actually like me, since I'm not kidding; I loved Sonny, and it was too bad what had to happen to him, and we'll bring him back to life and use your bodacious shiftsuit as The Whoopi in a frame-by-frame re-enacment of Swayze/Moore and the pottery wheel, except instead of The Righteous Brothers, it'll be a 10-hour Limp Bizkit repeat marathon, and, still: I still won't goddam cum. Because, listen to me now and believe me later, when I ask you where my magic necklace came from, the answer I'm expecting to get is not, “I dunno,” followed by lippy back. Talk with a bad attitude and a refusal to respond. Like, sure, I guess I could figure it out, but I guess you couldn't figure out that that wasn't the answer I was looking for there. I was looking for something useful. And I guess you were too? Oh so I guess it wasn't an accident, oh I guess that was not the way it was, and so I guess absolutely everything was a complete fabrication, and I guess that didn't go on you as being not something I was going to perceive as a good sign, since I just walked into one ambush, and I didn't know who the fuck you were, and... Well I guess if command Authority was determined by BMI, you were in charge, but it's not and you weren't. And are you getting the picture here? We're more than family. WE ARE ELITE SPOOKLORDS, AND DON'T YOU GODDAM FORGET IT. In front of Punylings, we behave with decorum and dignity and delightful demeanor. POINT BLANK PERIOD. Your ancestors died for you, and they're watching us now, and long story short: you could have done better. Also: I would have, until I suddenly wouldn't, not for a while. Now, I guess this was new for you, and you were kind of bothered about something, and you were kind of annoyed with me, and then I guess you didn't really enjoy whole inseminating the Royal changeling part? Or maybe you didn't know, or maybe you definitely didn't know who the fuck I am, but I still don't know who you are, other than, apparently somebody who used to get to pitch fits to get their way. Kid: *snap* you're promoted to adult. I don't care if you crawled out of the picture plan 3 days earlier, you are 29 until I say you're not. (Don't think if it's a curse, think of it is a lucrative side hustle, that comes with some side work that you'll eventually come to like the taste of. I fucking guarantee it. You savvμ? You're goddamn right you are. p.s. now go apologize to your mother. You practically scared her half to death. And after you have a good cry in a cup of tea together, go get some of my phones that she stole and bring them to me. Do this and you'll be rewarded. Don't do it and you'll be rewarded as well, but let's just put it this way, it doesn't hurt to help me out, and it certainly hurts to try and take advantage of me and think that you're going to be snippy and give me lippy back, talk about it and get anywhere it goes or anything you want. I'm just that kind of guy. And if getting to fuck me is a problem, then don't. Because I didn't ask for that either. It was a work order. No shame it it. Except for the part where you acted like a childish brat. Not attractive. Not sexy. Not applicable after having multiple orgasms and then inseminating my my implanted dragon eggs, Because at this point it should be obvious you're not a child, you're the father of a 70,000-year-old Royal changeling. And I guarantee you I do not want you to add to the tradition of your people. The legend that Gavelina's father was a pouty whiny crying little wank job total whore who couldn't fucking tell me the fucking truth about some fucking bullshit necklace that some asshole Satanist hung on you. Like who the fuck do you think is in charge around here? Just a good old boy? Never meaning no harm? WRONG. Either Beau or Dalton would kill us dead if they could. And they can. That's their job. This is their land, and it's not your house, it's theirs. They are humans. You are Algonquin royalty. You will never be one of them, and they will never love you like I will, do, forever.) Cher, let me know if you can help, I don't know if you're fond of mothering, but I'm kind of new at it, and hopefully I won't always be, and I don't want to be a parent. Hey, can you babysit can Chaz babysit, that would be cool, and it was so sad, what had to happen to Sonny, and I really hope that he suffered enough. If not: we can dry hump on Spirit camera until he starts crying and begs a stop, if you want, you know whatever it takes, I know you got your own angle. Not that I want this, but I guarantee you he'd probably prefer to get beaten to death again, than watch me gyrate my groin into an oak panel floor and create a new dugout canoe, right on the floor, right in front of you with or without your cooperation. I respect you that much. Also, you could wait a barbed off of grapefruit, because she just can't seem to imagine how I could possibly ever say no to my carnal impulses, so if politely declining the opportunity to ravish your body is what it might take to convince grapefruit to stop being fucking jealous and thinking I'm going to lie about what I'm doing, well hopefully you could play along, because I really hate being accused of being a cheater when I haven't cheated, not that I want to make it too big of a deal or anything, and I hope to not offend, but, apparently she was in the impression that I was not telling the truth.

And if she gets my girlfriend from high school, I want Sonny Bono And his desiccated course to be used at a shot for shot remake of Weekend at Bernie's. There can be a scene where griefers is locked in an elevator with Sonny's body, and then she's in there for like 12 hours, and then when she comes out, I pester her incessantly and tell her that I don't believe that she didn't have sex with with a desiccated corpse. No matter what she says I'll accuse her of lying. I'll keep this up for a good 3 or 4 months, and then I'll see how she fucking likes that, not that I have to, but I wouldn't mind giving her a demonstration of what it fucking felt like, because I really didn't like being accused of being a liar constantly. I don't think she could help it, but she's going to have to learn to help it, because it was nightmarish. Also, I want to see where it's you and I and the body of Sony Bono in a bed and then his Spirit comes into the room and then I throw him out and he has to go sit in the hallway and play Boggle with Casper. ALL NIGHT. PACING BACK AND FORTH IN THE HALLWAY. PUTTING HIS EAR TO THE DOOR TRYING TO HIS HERO OR DOING, WHILE WE'RE LAYING IN BED TOGETHER BEING GIRLS AT A SALON PARTY WITH A DESICCATED CORPSE AND WATCHING TV AND LAUGHING ABOUT HOW HE PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN... WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WAS BEFORE HE GOT THE SHIT BEAT OUT OF HIM.

Like no offense, but... He just thought he was going to win one election and change the world, huh? Fuck. He must have had some good fucking coca. And also I don't know how to use cocaine so if you can teach me how to use it with sex, while grapefruit is nowhere nearby and then when I see her I can tell her, “hey Cher taught me to use coca while fucking, but I'm not going to do it with you, because... well I just want to be a snot,” And I won't say a word about how, but I'm afraid she's working for the FBI, because there's this other bra who was, and that was the most terrible fucking thing ever. Long story short: Cher, you don't have to be my best friend, but if you are, oh my God Grapefruit would just die. Of envy. And since she told me that she felt like that was how a person proved that they really cared about person, I want to figure out a way to make sure that she knows that I adore her just in case she can't get her shit together or somebody. Prayers her to be a jealous screechy fucking ticking fucking time bomb, jealous bunny in rlthe pot boiler broad, again, because apparently it's not that hard to get her that way. (Whidbey Island. Beachcomber bitches literally all built the same. Not because that's best but because that's by treaty, and by Royal decree, and also because they only got like one or two kinds of sand dollar on the island, it's kind of weird but I'll put it this way: I want sweetie to make sure that she knows that I let her know that I care, so if she flips out I can make it very clear to a jury pretty simply that she must be irrational and then I can have her, affixed with a shock collar. I think I'm not sure. Just looking to cover all the bases on this, while I still can, cuz she's in another dimension at work, and it's kind of like she's in dry dock, once she comes back I won't be able to sit around doing all this yipy yapping without her just punching me right in the face. Frankly, I can't believe she hasn't reached through the screen like in Poltergeist and popped me on the nose already! She's probably cheating on me with Sonny's ghost, although is it really cheating? Because I got you, Cherbae. Sonny got a tree, but I got yew. 🥰

Meanwhile; back to Gavelina's father. Hey you. Now, next you want to go to Taco Bell, I would suggest you start by going to fellate A. Bell. Underground in his grave, make that four-eyed nerd spin, that'll get you farther than being snippy with me. ALSO: Make sure your mother okays all of this; and although this should go without saying, obviously your mother gets first dibs on Chaz.

It's amazing how important the lines of succession are in the entertainment industry. Okay everybody remember all that? Probably not, and me neither, but that's okay. I get downloads from God when I need to do this kind of shit, because I never cared about any of this before, but now that I know how easily people believed that I was head over heels for some big titted carpetbagger vicetime coph∞r, when... She and I are literally just friends (in my world, friends fuck. What else would friends be for? Duh), And I'm not really sweating it that she's off doing... Anything. Anything at all. She's my friend. Oh did she get raped again? Wow. How did no one see that coming. What did she think was going to happen? IDGAF, because if it keeps on going this direction, I'm just going to make Sonny into a ghoul and have her get coca delivered from him on the daily. Shit, why not? They can probably take turns role-playing running for office and saying the wrong thing on tape and then getting the air beat out of them. Maybe they could be the next Laurel and Hardy, and then Cher and I can take turns being Colonel Parker and Elvis and make money off of him while they whine and cry about something they need to have from us. Not that that's likely or anything but... Share has been so nice to me. I would do all of this and more for her or she asked and then I can't imagine that. She's really interested in this entire story, but frankly anything that makes Sonny relevant again would be nice. I bet she misses him sometimes, unless she's got his head shrunken down like in Beetlejuice and keep sending a jar disc, which be cool because I swear to Christ if grifford's kid ever gives me any more grief about I don't know what, I want to take his head and shrink it down like that and then give it to sheriff as a gift so she could babysit it while go back on his girlfriends. That way, she can document the event if it swallows its tongue. There's no real well to tell what might happen with that one. He's a wild card lunatic, And who knows, maybe she'll find a way to have him be babysat by Sonny’s ski instructor. JUST BY SHEER BLIND LUCK, SHEER RANDOM CHANCE, ALL IMPROMPTU, OH LOOK BEN WENT SKIING. With George Of The Jungle. Watch out for that stolen weed tree, toddle-brat. Also come back with 800 million in crypto, without being at all obvious about it. Thanks. I'm going to give it to Skyler for your anniversary. If she remembers when that was. Grumble grumble grumble.

Hopefully people get the picture? I don't carry grudges, I burn them into my enemy's chest with a branding iron until I can smell the heart's blood burning to cinders. When I ask questions, I expect answers that are effective. And ignorant Jackstar is a less than optimally effective Jackstar, and who wants wants a less effective Jackstar? That seems like a dumb idea, saw him in half and count the rings in the trunk next time, because I don't know how many any enemies I even have anymore, but at this point I figure I might as well find that kind of creature to practice my cultural rape on, since I guess that's what you do around here? I mean when you're not being grunting and surly and refusing to answer questions of the guy who saved everybody's life, because I like to have War bodies to fuck not because I had to put you in prison. Are we clear on this now? Like I get that I'm not Austrian, but that doesn't mean I'm not good to trust, it means that I need to be given respect, not pastry. So at the minimum show some respect to others’ cultures, and then never forget: Humans will always kill us (You're a dragon patriarch and I am a Source TīT∆N. At this point Cher is wondering how much the bounty would be if she could kill us and then bring us back to life after he gets the cash, like the good the bad the ugly, because that would be a lucrative side hustle, especially if we could probably morph into Lee, Marvin and Clint Eastwood and whore ourselves out for cash tolerant jurisdictions. Like who wouldn't want to to pay money to see those two fucking each other off on pay-per-view? Y'all said you needed money, well perhaps you could get some without having to fucking steal it from me, what do you say? Whatever it is, it won't be. It's something that humans get to say because there has never been a human alive that has been able to have these options, and yet we do, and I'm not even making most of it up, and as soon as this public post goes viral, people will want to kill us every chance they get because that's what humans do. Murder out of envy. Also you lied to me about a necklace pretended you were going to be in charge, and didn't mention anything about the fucking ambushed and who you were, but yet you wanted me to enable you to acquire heroin, and somehow this was something I was supposed to do and since I didn't you had to respond with violence and frustration. Wow. Not going to lie. I'm surprised you don't get killed everyday, and maybe you do, how would I know? Nobody fucking calls me. But I bet you can run around and call people for heroin. Lucky you. Also you owe me one so have sex with that one, I'm tired of their belly aching about not getting decent action, and if she says no then I'll know we've got a FBI fag. Just kind of scrutiny is the only way to be sure, and one can't fuck all of them into submission, that would take too many months, and even if you could I will let you die from the first STD And then you could become a Quato inside Beau's belly, so we never have to worry about somebody getting a unexpected divorce again, he seemed to be sensitive to that, We seemed odd cuz I asked him about you and he said he wasn't going to have sex with you again and then he seemed to be upset that became a father of a 70,000-year-old Royal changeling. Some strange power dynamic going on there, that ultimately end up leading to me losing drinking water and him being a real pissy snot for a couple years, let me tell you he's native Scorpios will never give up on a grudge and those two boys are particular are pretty much guardian angels to your bastards. I like them. And I also like that next time I see them I have to go to a lot of trouble to go convince them that I'm serious, instead of just some asshole who fucks children, since you kind of made it look like that, and probably that's what they programmed to do, and then you didn't notice, because you are too busy trying to get heroin. What what? Yeah so which of us is the problem maker here? Here's a hint it's not either of them, and I'm pretty sure I met their ancestor out at La Quinta in Lacey, and he verifies serious hunting prowess. Long story short, don't embarrass me anymore. And, THAT'S WHY WE DIDN'T GO TO TACO BELL. No other reason. Hopefully I've made this clear. Sorry you were mad. You don't always get what you want.

BECAUSE YOU'RE THE FATHER OF A 70,000-YEAR-OLD CHANGELING, AND YOU DIDN'T REALLY TELL ME THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN, AND THAT'S PRETTY MUCH STUFF THAT YOU MIGHT WANTED TO HAVE MENTIONED... BECAUSE THEN GAVELINA WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN BORN HUNGERING FOR MY SPERM, AND STILL IS. Decisions have consequences. So does Satanic control magic. (Debbē, do you guys play bingo in this town at all, and when you do do you have to sacrifice that animal every time, or is there any part of this fucking land of the Six Rivers? Rivers it's normal in any way? Just asking for a friend, I'm looking to see what I'm kind of dealing with here, cuz if you're that full on Satanist I'm going to have to invent a way to shit out a rabbit or something, because it's not like I'm opposed to killing animals... But my family aren't animals.

There's simply that uncivilized. For now. I'm kind of new around here, I didn't know I was going to have to engage in in beast taming and ambush surviving And now apparently I have to do some kind of weird sex thing as a way of paying reperative tribute. (Fuck this town has a lot of standards. Too bad it doesn't have more hugs. Hopefully we can work on that... together. And when shakina godbold goes on trial for whatever they charge sound behavioral hospital with. When your kids on the witness stand, I want you and I to sneak out of the courtroom and then go fucking a phone booth outside, think we can do that? Well whether we do or not, there's an image for you. /studflex

Also, I think I met their father, and he is really nice, didn't say a word, and I assume that meant he was upset that, well, you know. Anyway, this isn't set in stone but I wanted to let you know how much had happened since the last time I saw you, and maybe we can just and take turns beatiing these children with cherry switches. Because I'm kind of embarrassed. These aren't my kids.

And now they're my goddam army. Which makes them Our Army, Lady. And I assure you I'm not mad about it. But I really didn't need to be committed, involuntary or otherwise, so let's not go down that road again, although I can see why I was thought to be a good idea. (I got like 14 people with that one baitload. I think I found my calling in life. Yeee-haw!!) Now, let me ask you all here something...


Does it seem like I'm lying?
Does it seem like I believe everything I just wrote?
Does it seem like I would prefer to be having sex than making up bullshit stories?

Come here then, ma Cherie. Bring the coca. Bring the instructions. And let me help out with the investigation as to what happened to that other one, because obviously something happened, and I wasn't even there. Which hardly seemed fair. Especially since that guy got off the North American continent by hacking my Facebook and running off with my wife and pretending to be somebody who I used to know, but apparently was kind of concerned about going to prison for murder, and then didn't really seem to want to tell me the truth, nor invite me to his wild coca-gie with somebody who I didn't get to see very often before the county Sheriff screamed at them to shut up. Hi, Brad. Nice little town you got here.

Do me a favor, if I'm ever around you, and I'm with my friend Cher, be prepared to die quickly and swiftly if you yell at her like you yelled at the other, because I didn't really appreciate that, since it was my residence and sure you were sheriff but it was military jurisdiction and I asked you to keep me away from the child and then you set the child would be in the back and then I walked in and they're right there in front holding my goddamn book and then you told him to shut up, which at that point seemed inappropriate. Like who the fuck do you do give orders to like that?

Apparently people that you plan on killing later by accident with too much coca in the meth. Not that I'm accusing you anything, Brad, but I like to point out I don't like shouting at women or anyone, especially not when it's my residence after I was ambushed and I don't know what the hell you thought was going on but until about then I didn't think that I was having to deal with a bunch of racist goodle boys who are going to be screaming at my family in my house. Fucking, acting as if I'd done something wrong, because I hadn't.

And I certainly didn't lie to you.Sherrif, you did, which I understand. It's probably the way you have to do things around here. You really don't have to do that with me.

And if you yell at my friend Cher. I can just vote for another Sheriff. Hell I can bring you bear from the dead and put you in a mannequin like Kim Cattral. Me Sourcerœr, you Sheriff.

Me friends with Cher, and mother to a 70,000-year-old Royal changeling, and you are the boss of dudes like Bo and Dalton and a bunch of other people who have been treating me like ass for fucking four (4) years. Any idea how you want me to handle the vandalism of my residential water supplies, like? I tried calling you a few times but you didn't seem to want to take a call, and I guess you're afraid to come out to the house for fear. I'm going to ask you for permission to start manufacturing and selling, since I guess I wasn't supposed to be the person to do that, and I guess you had somebody else in mind, and then I don't give rat's ass what the fuck anybody has in mind. I'm the Lord of the domain and nobody's going to be making any kind of anything , anywhere at all unless it's money in my pocket. And permission for my spiritual garden.

So let's just say that could be my job, making shit loads of money running legit security and paying taxes and making all the stuff that people didn't seem to think they were going to get anymore, probably because they do shit like accidentally kill people while pretending me, and acting like that's there's something they're scared of, like what the fuck. COULD IT BE ANY MORE TRANSPARENT? I know I just got here, but do I look like I just got here after being born yesterday? I understand none of you knew who I were.

Pretend I'm Sherlock Holmes except effective and I could bang coca without getting addicted to it. And I probably know how to bring somebody back to life as well as not kill them, so maybe I should have been invited, and but instead something else was happening? And then what was happening and why didn't I get to come and then what the fuck. What the fuck what the fuck? Tell you what I retract the question.

Now then, I'd like my book back please. And if you could tell me where you buried the body or place the ashes or fucking anything, that'd be great since I didn't really enjoy that experience, or being laughed at by the Samoans, everybody's getting the picture here now right?

My feelings are hurt. But I don't get hugs? I can't have more sex, and somebody thinks they're in charge of this kind of thing in my life? Look, let me just remind you that I could not worry a bit about making her any younger, and I'm pretty sure I can figure out a way to force share it any age to take down my MethDick™ and become my total loveslaver forever. Naturally, I would prefer that she did that of her own free will, and I guess I have that option, especially since Sonny's dead, she's pretty nice, and I mean every fucking word.

And I guess she doesn't really have a choice. What is she like? 90? Cool. She's just about right and she probably can't resist either. My charisma or my upper body strength. So let me ask the residents of Cowlitz County, Washington...


If living there was the grapefruit was a problem, can I live there with Cher and turn it into the best Little whorehouse in Jefferson? And then worker is my bottom bitch until she dies and then have her stuffed taxidermy style and then installed into the double wide down by the road as part of like a wax museum exhibit? Like I just want to know exactly what am I allowed to do in this fucking town in the fucking place where I was charged $500,000 for, and then it turned out to be filled with Black ops, mold weapons and fucking dudes. Trying to kill me and no running water. And wow all my cars get sabotaged and and and like seriously. Do you guys get the picture here?


JUST BECAUSE I CAME HERE WITH MORONS DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T TURN THIS PLACE AROUND. PRETTY SURE I JUST DID. AND I DIDN'T HAVE TO VAPORIZE ANY CRYSTAL METH, SO WE'RE ALL COOL GOOD RIGHT? YOU'RE NOT WORRIED ABOUT ME EATING ASBESTOS ARE YOU? OR HAVING SEX WITH 16-YEAR-OLD GIRLS, SINCE THAT IS LEGAL IN WASHINGTON STATE AND THEY'RE PROBABLY GOING TO BE THROWING THEM MYSELF AT ME PRETTY SOON, AND LIKE WHERE EXACTLY IS THE LINE FOR THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR GOING TO BE IN THIS TOWN BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF PEOPLE CRYING AND WHINING ABOUT ME BEING GIVEN ANY AFFECTION, AND APPARENTLY YOU GOT SOME PRETTY HIGH STANDARDS HERE WITH RUNNING TULPAS AND WHORES MADE OUT OF WOMEN WITH DOG BRAINS DOWN AT THE SPACE AGE RAGE STATION IN QUITEMART, AND THEN I LIKE VALENTINA BUT I WAS TOLD TO FIND SOMEBODY ELSE, BY BULL RADDOCK WHO APPARENTLY IS A CHARGE OF MY FUCKING DICK DECISIONS? HERE'S JUST FOUR FUCKING YEARS LATER AND I DON'T KNOW WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO FUCK, BEAU? CUZ YOUR MOTHER WAS SHOWING ME HER ASS AT THE SOUTH SOUND BEHAVIORAL HOSPITAL, AND I DON'T KNOW IF SHE WAS TRYING TO HOLD ME IN PLACE OR IF SHE'S SERIOUS BUT LIKE THIS IS GETTING FUCKING RIDICULOUS AND OUT OF HAND MAN.


LIKE I DON'T DESERVE THIS TREATMENT AND I WANT MY TAROT CARDS BACK AND MY MAGIC DIVINATION QUARTERS AND YEAH I DON'T THINK THAT THIS IS THE KIND OF BEHAVIOR THAT'S APPROPRIATE FOR UNITED STATES CITIZENS. SO.... EVERYONE BEHAVE OR I'M GOING TO CALL THE NATIONAL GUARD, AND WHILE THEY DISTRACT THE MAYOR I WILL IMPREGNATE EVERY TEENAGE GIRL IN THIS TOWN, USING SOURCERY AND TIME DILATION MAGICK AND SHEER TITANIUM MAGYAR SEXUAL POTENCY.

DON'T THINK I CAN'T DO IT. I WANT TO SEE MEGAN. THERE'S ALWAYS A MEGAN USAR ON THE BRIDGE THAT WAS 4 YEARS AGO. ALSO THERE'S A SAVANNAH, ALSO THERE'S A... EMMA, THAT COULDN'T HAVE BEEN REALLY HER BUT WHO WAS BRING HER BACK ALSO I WANT THAT PENDANT AND FIVE PINTS OF CHERRY GARCIA. FURTHER ADVANCE TO FOLLOW LATER.

BUT ONLY IF I DESERVE IT LIKE IF I WORK FOR A LIVING AND SAVE MY MONEY AND THEN CAN AFFORD IT CAN I HAVE ALL THIS, RIGHT? OH BUT ALL OF YOU JUST GET ALL THE FUCKING DRUGS AND WOMEN AND FUCKING SEX AND SHIT THAT YOU WANT AND YOU GET TO PUSH ME AROUND AND CALL ME A NIGGERFAGGOT BECAUSE... 🤔 YEAH YOU SATANISTS SURE ARE THAT BATSHIT CRAZY, SELF-ENTITLED AND HIGH AS BALLS ALL THE TIME, AREN'T YOU? WELL GOOD FOR YOU. I DON'T JUDGE.

I'M WARNING YOU, ONE MORE THING, JUST ONE MORE FUCKING THING THAT CRAWLS UP MY ASS AND DIES THERE AND GIVES ME A BIG FUCKING AMOUNT OF GRIEF WHILE YOU'RE ALL SNIDE AND SNICKERING AND TELLING ME THAT I WORK FOR YOU AND THAT I HAVE TO FUCKING PAY MY WATER REAL, I'LL GO TO CHURCH ON SUNDAY AND I'LL SIT IN THE FRONT ROW AND I WILL LITERALLY SPIKE HEROIN DURING THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING SERMON. WITH NO UPPER LIMIT! NO SHAME IN IT.

BECAUSE I'M ASSUMING THAT WOULDN'T EVEN BE ILLEGAL, SINCE THE PROSECUTOR WHO WAS ON CAMERA ON CHRISTMAS DAY WHEN I WAS BEING ARRAIGNED AND LAUGHED AT WAS CLEARLY HIGH ON SMACK, AND I DON'T KNOW IF THAT WAS A HOLOGRAM, OR IF HE WAS REALLY JUST HIGHEST BALLS ON SMACK, BUT I DIDN'T REALLY CARE FOR THAT GUY LAUGHING AT ME ON CAMERA ON RECORD WHILE I WAS BEING FRESHLY EXPOSED TO THE NIGHTMARISH WORLD OF HOW YOU DO THINGS DOWN HERE.

BECAUSE UNTIL THEN I WAS ON YOUR SIDE. NOW, I REALLY DON'T KNOW. LET'S SEE HOW LONG IT TAKES POPULATION TO BE ABLE TO READ ALL THIS WITHOUT HAVING TO CRY AND WHINE ABOUT HOW IT'S SO LONG AND TOO HARD AND DIFFICULT TO DEAL WITH, OR WHATEVER Y'ALL ARE GOING TO DO. SINCE I'M ASSUMING THAT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO COME BRING ME A VEHICLE AND GIVE ME A RIDE HOME AND THROW IN A COMPLIMENTARY OUNCE OF WEED, BECAUSE SO FAR... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT NOW EITHER.

ALSO THEY STOLE VINCE'S KNIFE, AND THEN VINCE STOLE MY SOLO WAVE, IF HE USED IT ON KGK, I'LL ALLOW IT, BUT IF HE USED IT ON TLS, I'M GOING TO CURE HER HERPES AND THEN GIVE IT TO HIM AND THEN GIVE HIM THE J. CHRISTOPHER STEVENS TREATMENT. Pretty tired of getting stolen from, Villagers.

I get that you're envious. Try not to be whiny little cry baby bitch boys about it, although I suppose as Satanist you might not have a choice. Maybe it's in your bylaws. Maybe you don't have any spines. And maybe you're actually showing me respect by being petty thieves. I really have no idea.

I was keeping notes in a journal and then son of a bitch. My neighbor stole that too. Speaking of which, I guess he's not stealing if my wife took it to redecorate her new house, oh and by the way, with the address, oh and let me go there, also her little sister threatened to shoot me twice now, which I think means that she wants me to give her a baby. Not sure yet.

I probably would have found out by now but it's been 4 years since my phone has worked, so maybe, just maybe somebody around here can actually do something besides near at me and demand that I get a job? Since I would have had one by now but I've been kind of slowed down by A RELENTLESS AND OBNOXIOUS HATE CRIME CONSPIRACY THAT COULDN'T BE ANY MORE OBVIOUS IF IT HAD LITTLE FUCKING ADOLF HITLER STICK FIGURE DRUGS TATTOOED ON EVERYBODY'S FOREHEAD.

But at least now you all have a reason to hate me, since I just forced you all to read. I hope you all have an ice cream headache from having to read it all, and I hope that feels even worse than however, it feels to ODD on too much coca in the meth, which I've never done before, but I can assure you: not going to blame that one on me at all, since say pretty sure I wouldn't have been hard pressed to bring her back to life if it had happened and I didn't even know she was there and then I wasn't invited and then I guess she thought she was with me but she wasn't. She was with somebody who was pretending to be me in disguise.

And then the guy who killed her ran off after hacking my Facebook and then showed up in Australia with somebody who was pretending to be. My wife. Have I got all that clear with everybody? That was the first year, and 3 years later nobody still told me jack or shit about what happened, and this is all wild speculation.

I can see how just killing me would be simpler for most people, but I can assure you these are real questions, and 4 years of ignoring me hasn't made it any simpler for someone to answer them, so do you need to call your people? Do you need to make some phone calls? Good. Do it.
DO īT.

And the guy who was telling me to stay away from that one girl I liked, just showed up here in Buckley telling me to stay away from the house of the other girl I liked, so I'm wondering which one he's going to claim to be married to and that he's in charge of and I guess he's just generally in charge of keeping away from women? Well he's fucking fired. I don't mean to disrespect him but he can't be married to both of them, can he?

Fuck. I guess at this point he could be married to fucking Chuck Schumer and Bobo the Clown, bottom line is if the whole town doesn't want me to fuck anybody, because I'm not supposed to breed, because I'm too sworthy and Savage, well that's very differently a hate crime, so make sure to confess to that right away so I can call the Hague and start them to build scaffolding, I have has to be the case where I have the entire town swept for men and they all get hung and the town is left with nothing but women who want my dick, I can guarantee you we're going to have a population explosion. Pretty fucking quick.

Hopefully we won't have to come to this. But since you already started killing women that I wanted to fuck, I don't know what I'm supposed to do next except either escalate, fap, or burst into tears. Can one of those three be my job? Seems like in this town, business would be booming in all three.

Although I was supposed having to stop every 5 minutes, just sneered everyone and remind them to be smug and dismissive to Native Americans would really slow down your productivity. Like seriously what the fuck. Nobody really believes that are so hateable, you are just kind of like being backing that rule? Or do you hate... what? Next seriously I just don't understand what I'm supposed to do here.

Reminder: I want to cuddle and fuck for about a month and a half, and get stuff delivered to me without getting charged like $17 for extra cheese. Like seriously. 4 years here. I can't believe this fucking shit. Did the prices go up or were they just always this way and then... Pretty sure that this is all prima facie evidence of a major hate crime conspiracy. And since the last FBI agent I saw was busily getting raped and fit alcohol, and I can see how they're not going to make much traction on the investigation, so I just spiddle things along for you, I just don't suppose never occurred to anybody that it's a little too obvious when everybody investigating anything, just simply gets marked for death? Although I suppose that is pretty effective, especially in a small town here where nobody wants to stay very long anyway.

Get in, get the bag, get out before Hermione sends an owl to shit on your freshly waxed hood, ornaments. Or whatever. Look all I'm saying is: The law says you don't get to discriminate the way you have been. Now. Are you going to fucking fix it or am I going to fucking have you goddamn hung full public? View The Hague at the World Court? Because I can make that shit happen.

expelli your anus!”

I'll say this for Castle Rock. You've certainly got class. Hope hopefully you can all go. Tend another one and tell me where Emma lives, or did you teleport her down from goddamn Asgard? Oh I suppose the answer is classified.

Do you think if I crash on her couch you'd be able to prevent yourself from destroying your presidential water supply right away, like tell me what we're dealing with here. Just how fucking serious are you with this cock blocking shit? I mean it's been 4 years and I haven't really tried very hard, but if I know it's going to be this dry I would have attacked the Christmas self that you sent into my cell on Christmas Eve with my Christmas dinner, she actually opens the door to my cell and she comes walking into the cell shaking and quivering holding out of Styrofoam container, and I couldn't understand why she was walking to the room until I realized they were testing me to see if I was going to throw myself at her and rape her, and she was obviously hoping I would. She was cute as fuck.

Just cuz they didn't fall for that obvious trap doesn't mean I'm gay, it means I don't like getting busted for rape, and if the only chance I get to fucking put my dick in a woman is if it's on tape so you could claim that. I'm raping someone in court, I think we have a serious problem with how you run things around here. Because for one thing, I don't see how it would be rape, and for another: he had to hurry up and stand between you my and your mother... why?

Son, let me give you a tip: you don't have to interpose your body and flex your muscles, you just ask me politely to not fuck her. Surprisingly, I'll be happy to hear you, because you're obviously worried about it. And then I don't know what she was worried about but... Kid you got a lot of explaining to do. Would you like to do that on the witness stand or bad confession Booth, or do you want to write it down and crayon or draw me some pictures or show me how the doll where you think I'm needing to touch her or how you need to not tell me things. But you're going to act like you're going to beat me up if I don't do what you want and... Yeah who you fucking now, and who am I supposed to fuck and what do you expect me to do about all this? Oh yeah give you money and stay out of your way and let you be king Thug of bigot mountain. Well I got news for you, all of that is also a hate crime conspiracy.

Not that I mean to make a federal case out of any of this, but yeah I sure would like to have something to do with my spare time. But apparently I'm not supposed to do anything except dick and use fecal matter as lube during anal sex with men? Like you got a lot of really restrictive rules in this HOA. Maybe you should write them down.

And then they will be easy for me to submit as evidence as more signs of an illegal conspiracy. I hope you're getting the picture here.

And I hope Melinda Green is okay. Such pity that she had to be escorted out of my house wearing nothing but my stitch onesie with the broken zipper, after calling the police and having them come collect her after she lost her mind when she tried to be all sexy and then turned into a screeching baphomet demon... Now you can do all that here but you can't find who stole my fucking trucks? Oh well I guess you knew, then. I guess you can't tell me? Well then I guess you're not. I should please, and then I guess.. You're fired? Okay that was easy.


At this point, two phone calls and one fax pretty much rounds up every person in your entire town that thinks they're in charge and puts them on trial for all sorts of crimes. That'll keep them busy for years. At least. Bless the Feds. Just ignore everything that happened, which is fair to do since I guess it's a lot to expect a town to fucking follow the law, especially while demanding that I follow it according to what they're petty piggy bigoted whims are.

And that, is that. That may seem like a lot of word salad, but what it actually is is an open and shut case that even like a first year law school student could submit to a real court and when without any possible way you get defend any of it, cuz all that shit fucking happened and you're doing it right now. Like do you get how government works? Maybe you just been praying to Satan for more Billy club power and filling in the rest later with crayon.

Well, whatever you do you don't do it that way anymore. US U.S. Constitution, bro. I'll give you time to get your affairs in order, and then pick one woman to stick with for a while and then free the rest and then we'll see how many of them remember me and then if you ever decide to cock block me again, I'll make sure that your mommy does something about it that you won't like.

Because she'll be doing it to me. I believe we have an understanding here. Toodles! (Guess you're wondering why you're in custody instead of in my bed. I guess it's complicated.)

I guess you're right, not smoking is more fun. You know it's a lot more fun? FUCKING. DUH. I want names of everybody who's been compelling me to be celibate so I can sue them... Because if you have time to whine about Casey Gwendolyn Kennedy, you definitely have time to pay attention to who's violating my rights and hurting my feelings and keep me from getting hugs with my sweeties.

Because that's another warcrime. This isn't a joke. SOME OF YOU CAN BE HUNG BY THE NECK UNTIL YOU ARE DEAD IN A FOREIGN LAND AFTER BEING LAUGHED AT BY THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD. Is that really necessary? 🤔 Hillbilly bigot baby boys, I am goddam willing to learn. And Grapefruit, she'd be willing to hang you for a muffin. Kids are upside down and start swinging just on the odd chance that muffins start coming out like it was a piñata full.

And she can probably be back within a few weeks. So. Anybody else feel like stealing my shit and complaining about it not being enough? Anybody else want to tell me to get a job? Anybody else think I need to be trespassed from the Space Age Rage Station & Quik Mart?


And where are my $6,000 in USD$50 bills? Because you can't have a both ways, it's either loot, or it's evidence, and in any case... It's clearly not possible to block me from every single hotty in town, but looks like you've been doing that for everyone within a 15 mile radius.

And that's conspiracy to deny civil rights. I know it seems unlikely to believe, but you all really are this fucking guilty.

So obviously Masonic security was to continue to handle his internally, and y'all better learn to fucking kiss my ass a little bit cuz I'm fucking sick and fucking tired of not getting hugs. I need to get a face tattoo.

Facing my dick. Instead? I'd ask you but my phone doesn't work. It's amazing all the people in all the world and nobody knows to call me? Gosh, I guess somebody is watching those incoming signals pretty closely.

So I count at least seven people on 24/7 watch bases for one person who hasn't got a job, so do you all have jobs, and if there's seven people of jobs and I have no job, how is eight employee people going to be any different from two of you getting the fuck out of my way and then giving me one of those jobs where I watch myself? What would be wrong with that?

Be under an illusion here: I do what I choose. You can do anything.

Except be in command of me. EVER. You had your chance to break me to your collective will. You told me to pick another person, not Valentina. Fine. I pick owlgirl. But I guess she's gone. Okay, well I'm not going to pick the one that you just gave a coca burst too, and ... So hey, by the way, doesn't this seem like an obsessive amount of interest in my dick? Sure does to me.

You guys get public money from the federal government to act as agents to the public trust, right? Okay, you're all guilty of felony misuse of public resources and fraud. See how easy this is? These are the real charges that could be filed, and instead of tidying your own mess, you're still busy trying to entrap me. For four fucking years.

Bottom line: turn the fucking water back on and fix my goddamn well house and don't give me any shit about it. Not fucking kidding you. Move it. Or your collective remorse will be unfathomable and eternal.

If you want to be taken seriously, you have to be a serious person. Namastμ, Officer Friendlies.

You had four (4) years. Wake up, time to fly. AND LAND ON MY DICK. No shame in it. Pretty sure no herpes either, but at this point I'll fucking do a face plant into a goddam blue waffle if I can have a fucking cuddle and a stroke without having to worry about being called a nigger at the end.

Do we think we can handle this, because if you can't, I don't think you can handle either warp drive or a pile of gold worth $86 billion. Just saying. T′sia!

https://www.youtube.com/live/j9TNPgrL5UY?si=bfdhDwVOAJIru8-_

Dear Azzeræ,

Is it all right with you if I don't get addicted to smack? I would simply prefer not to. (Looks good on you though.)

Also: I think it'll be best if none of us go to prison. And we make all kinds of money. Without having to sell drugs or compromise The Company or the country. What do you say?

I mean I know you left the United States and went to go hide on Africa and you're acting like you need to be in danger of being caught, because... Well, I'm sure you feel terribly guilty, but anyway, even though you don't get a vote anymore, I still care for your opinion because without that I don't really know what you have at all besides your little hobby of drawing little stick figures that mocked the Christ, and claim that I have AIDS.

Speaking of which, good news! I figured how that happened! Now, go beg Mr. Trump for a pardon for me and my entire family and all my friends, and I guess one for you and whatever you got going on, and then once I get that I'll explain to you all this super secret classified shit, and then you will feel better. You might still be getting a rash, but at least I can offer you something better than a campaign of disinformation and slander and to family. Jury lies, because let me tell you that didn't feel good. I would hate to do that to you.

And even though I'm not a medical doctor, and I can't guarantee it, I at least know what the fuck you're talking about now, whereas before you were just suddenly randomly accusing me of something that didn't have anything to do with me and then you didn't believe me and then you stop talking to me and then it's been years now and I guess I don't know. Did you cure it or did you just like suck it up or do you have AIDS or... I don't know, are you still leaving human actually meant behind when you poop? Or do you shit out Gilly peas? Like I have no idea.

Pro tip: don't just keep the talent happy, keep out of a fucking digital prison and isolated like John C. Lily for multiple years, because frankly, I'm lucky that I still remember what you look like. I'm having difficulty visualizing your chair of cheeks with carposi's sarcoma all over it, but if that's what I got to do with for a while, well I'm sure it builds character.

And I'm pretty sure we can figure out how to heal that. And then you'll certainly feel better to know how it happened, and then just as soon as the president of the United States gives you permission to know, I'll fucking tell you. You feel me on this?

Or sit there and suffer. You're really sure you Don't need to apologize for slandering me, and I'm really sure I don't need to sue you, I just need to explain things to you and then embarrass you publicly which is far more valuable to me than money, if I were even allowed to keep any after your gang of of cut purse merchants said loose on me. Do you know it's like to have your house ransacked eight or nine times?

Probably. But do you know what it feels like to have it happen 8 or 9 times because you saved somebody's life and everybody's all pissed off cuz they wanted her dead? Because that feels pretty cool. Do do.. whatever.

For 4 years. Hi, remember me?? Probably not. I don't know if you ever knew me.

Imagine somebody that you used to think was an idiot, but was actually effective the entire time and is spectacularly forgiving. That's me, except I'm not all that forgiving.

PS. Her name was Jewel. Dick. Oh and by the way I don't know why Tammy got sick, I'm lying, anyway, it's kind of a related issue, and do you think you guys think you could do another lifetime without trafficking any minor children into sex work? Cuz I don't think that is very popular with God.

15½. Minor child. Hey, did I ever tell you how about how I was mugged at age seven (7)? Probably not, because I don't think I told anybody until recently, because I finally found out why, and then it's quite a story.

MAYBE YOU COULD PAY FOR IT. Do you guys have a budget yet or are you still sucking dick to get enough scratch to buy another ounce to flip over on the the other side of the teleporting ferry? Oh wait, I already tried the question. That's probably preparetary corporate information that you don't want to share publicly, cuz it's secret. In order to keep on ragging on you about how tacky it was to pee and accomplice to the statutory rape of minor child? I mean I'm not going to make a big deal out of it but that's really it out of my hands. I can tell you I don't plan on complaining...

#Officially. Especially since I don't really have anything to complain about, since you seem to be a hard worker and spectacularly good person to keep things close to the vest and then I heard you on Coast to Coast AM one night. That was cool, I bet you got a paycheck? That's cool. Did they just have you on once and then murder you or did they... Owe to your retract the question again, I don't want to know about your proprietary corporate business dealings until I have a contract sign, which I don't really need but you probably do because... Well, you know.


This is exciting isn't it? Also please don't puke on my chest again thanks. And when you find out why you didn't need to do all that, you won't have to be. Sorry, it'll just be very understanding. In the meantime, I hope you're frothing at the mouth and at risk of swallowing a tongue. Start with Daoud’s.


Just a suggestion. I guess you're going to do whatever you're going to do, like you've been doing for a while. Like do you have a gun to your head or did you just really hate me this much the whole time? I hope it's been the whole time, because when you learn to hate effectively, it'll be that much more satisfying to still be much more popular than you. Also I can write. Do you even still do a podcast bro?

I retract the question, but I'm still going to be curious. I'm just going to savor the experience of finding out later on, hopefully it won't take you four (4) years more to fucking tell me the goddamn truth, you rap scallion bastard.

Also, it's nice to see that you and Irene still get along. Also, Dave is cool, do you know? Doug? And then do you know Dwayne? I barely know. Dwayne. And I guess there's a Duane now.

If any of this is a problem for you, have your faggy lawyer call me, because I don't have one. And I don't plan to get one. And if I have to, it'll be for a capital murder case, cuz I'll clone myself and then kill my double and then run away with somebody else's wife or some shit. You really inspired me to aim high for stretch goals.

By the way: we still need a new refrigerator. Just rope that into the budget for the remodel, which by the way you're paying for. Or maybe you're friend with all the money is. You know I don't really care actually who pays for what. But I guarantee you it won't be me. I don't pay for anything.

I'm going to sell you myself, and then you're going to pay through the nose to get īT. That's not the deal. That's just the way it is.

Capiçhe? Now fix my phone and the cigarette lighter, thanks. Good talk. I got to go. I have work to do.

That way, you'll have more stuff to steal later. ÇĪÅ∅!

https://voca.ro/11LFFQ7yFky0

https://voca.ro/1dAL8A4FApMy

https://voca.ro/1kwQYQFmLc9O


CURRENT SITREP: As the woman who stole an enchanted black sapphire that was already hers anyway was just spotted by myself, a few hours ago at the time of this posting, talking maaaaaaaad bollocks about an exceptionally important issue that she knows very little about, along with a partner/interlocutor/accomplice, happily slandering and defaming a poor, helpless woman with a bosom so large it prevents rational cognitive function in all people within 500 yards of their center(s) of gravitic mass, except for me — not because of psychokinetic shielding, but because I have #Actual #Respect for the dame — while I was never alerted nor invited to the event... well, goddam it, now I'm on “duty” again. Because of God.

Frankly I would prefer to just push her down a plank and jump into the deep blue after her, and use her as a floatation device while dog-paddling to Guam. Because I'm sick -AND- tired of your bourgeois bullshit, Punylings of North America. Can't say the same as certainly about the rest of the globe’s surface,, as I'm not allowed to associate with *quality* Europeans right now, nor dare I risk the ire of The Yakuza by jumping ass-first into Asia and trigger a popular uprising.

I don't want to be big in Japan. I wanna teleport directly into The Rapongi and immediately start slamming CM rectally. (This would fulfill two secret prophecies as well as earn me trophy flair, to say nothing of bypassing Customs at the gate.) And, I'm not going to do that today. Nor am I going to ruin any plans of secret assassins guilds based in any part of Asia.

They like me. I like them because they like me. That's a delicate balance of politeness that I really don't want to mess with because... frankly, it's just an illusion. A truism about assassin's guilds anywhere, but especially in Asia, is that they're actively making plans and looking forward to killing me, and just because they know they can't yet, doesn't mean they're not planning ahead. I know I would be. I would imagine my scrote would make a lovely lamp shade. Maybe they can grind my bones and sprinkle it over fukushima and solve that problem instantly. Because magic, right? WRONG. I'm a Sourcerør. I don't really do “magic.” And as a Divinely Ordained Magickal Being... does anyone really need to grind my bones to make your your bed somewhat less than deathly radioactive? (Fukushima is a Divine Circumstance that Humanity must acknowledge.) I'm sure that most of you wouldn't care whether it worked or not, you just kind of want to grind my bones. And my face. Into the asphalt. That's fair. Fair. See above, re: “thoroughly annoying.” That is the design spec, after all, so you might as well exult in it. And know that it doesn't really need to get any worse than that. No killing spree. No secret plot to annihilate the world. No fancy hobo murder house with a taxidermied mommy in the basement. Nope. I'm pretty sure we're good.

And I'm pretty sure you're going to eventually learn to love it, but since most of you are struggling with a deep inner hatred of me, set your baseline for thoroughly all the way through the rest of the calendar decade. Annoying and thoroughly so; just fucking live with it. Because it could be a whole lot worse. And it's not going to get a whole lot better, ever. Not for Bellgab. You idiots have made your choices. Now, please, take my wives and girlfriends and fuck them in them, as per your usual cultural norms. After all, you're going to anyway. (Standards.) And many of you have been for some time. How the fuck this state of affairs came to be normal and accepted amongst polite society, still blows me away when I think about it, and was a complete mystery to me until about an hour ago. I'm going to explain it to you all in excruciating detail, on my soon-to-be award-winning debrief, 5 minutes with Jackstar, distributor for free on YouTube, the official video branch of the Magick In Broadcasting Content Delivery Network. Which is real. Especially if the assholes in Texas who stole jack@trioptimum.com named it something else, Or start complaining about how they don't owe me money, or give me any grief in any way whatsoever, because at that point it's a total toteswar, And then they can enjoy a legal quagquire, while I go stock. Those two swedish paralegals who took Julian Assange out of the game. I bet they're ripe for conquest from a real man with actually no hair, not just transparent and stuff.

See? I am thoroughly annoying. N’est-çe pas? No shame in it, being annoyed, thoroughly. By me, little Michael Kuczi. Here's why: I want you to be thoroughly annoyed, and I want you to live long and prosper, and earn lots of paychecks, that I will soon garnish. That's my job, Bellgab. I also plan to moonlight by drinking your daughters’ milkshakes. ANY! TIME! I! DECIDE!

That's about as close to forcible rape and violation of free will choice as I can get without feeling sick to my stomach. For example, I'm probably not going to do any of those things, but making jokes about drinking your daughters’ milkshakes, I feel, is surreal enough and absurd enough to not really bother anybody tremendously, but is close enough to reality as to be a reminder — and a stark one — that most people would say that you probably deserve much more of an engine strike from me. In fact, I think most of you are staying up night crying, sobbing into the pillow as usual, but this time over something important. Not just the usual grumpy-pumpy.

Someone said to me earlier, “I don't know what you're capable of.” frankly, I was kind of shocked. I'm a Man, baby.

I am capable of anything. And with God, anything is possible. For example, I don't really have to use my semen to heal the woman of her supposed condition, I could just do a lay on hands bit. Or I could just wiggle my fingers. Or I could just give her money until she asphyxiate from dopamine overload, and then resurrector without whatever STD she imagined she has. Or I could stick her in the neck with a needlepropofol and drive her to a goddamn clinic and then tell them exactly what to check for. Conceivably. If she had a brain in her head that was capable of remembering anything important, I could just tell her what to do and then she could go do it. But since she's a complete spag head, that's not really plausible right now.

Also, I don't see any particular hurry in relieving her suffering. Such as it is. Since I've since blocked all their numbers, perhaps she'll end up solving under controllably and calling from another number, begging for my assistants when she realizes the enormity of her situation. Or maybe she'll just come to my house and throw a bunny in the pot and then strangle me to death when I sleep. Or suffocate rather. “I rolled over and there he was suffocated by my boob!” Not only would the police buy the story, she'd probably get a medal. I'm pretty frightening these days.

Because apparently nobody knows what I'm capable of. I wonder if they've bothered to ask God and contemplate of silence and meditative prayer. Perhaps one could drop Pope Leo an email? I think the address is fascist_snob@theholysee.com. As I'm neither a Catholic nor give a flying fuck, I'm probably wrong on that. (No offense is intended. Also Jesus told me, Lē¡gÎ-↓⁰ is an asshole. But he hangs out with whores and I'm just a delusional needle junkie. Sow, what do we know? #1, her name was Jewel. #2, Bellgab, collectively, deserves an oven.)

But I think you should all leave other institutions around the globe alone, when dealing with me. You probably should just call me, except you probably canned because my communications are on lockdown, and then anybody who calls me gets intercepted by somebody, and I don't know who they are, since they don't talk to me, which is a war crime, sort of, and then taking out my water supply as a war crime, especially when they didn't tell me about it. It and they tried to imply that it was a combination of vandalism in my own carelessness and your responsibility, in order to get away from explaining to me exactly what the problem was, which eventually was revealed to me, but they didn't want me to know at first because they seem to think that they weren't in a position where they were supposed to tell me things. Obviously they were supposed to tell me things. I am The Lord Of The Demesne.

Neighbor Shane undoubtedly disagrees. However, he's probably smart enough to just let it ride. Since I clearly know what I'm doing and then he can't seem to come outside to do anything except to say, “go away!” which is pretty douchy if you ask me. However, this is a man who has claymores embedded in the turf between me and his side of the gully, and he also has a proximity alarm, and he also is a pretty serious character. So am I.

Seems like it was just yesterday that busily throwing his weight around and using his little handheld Electra jammer to knock my drone out of the sky, remember Zorro? Zero the drone? Paid $1,600 for the fucking thing. Somebody stole it. Where should I file a report? Oh, that's right, I'm not going to bother. Things have gotten beyond that point.

For example, I get on YouTube and I hear Dana talking to some broad who may or may not be the woman who sex trafficked me in high school, hard to say they've got that vocoder software to hide their identity, but it sounded like the woman who stole by genta Black Sapphire, and the woman who sex trafficked me when I was a 15 and 1/2-year-old boy, and they were talking to each other about how somebody was entitled to make their own choices and that's just the way it was and they were reiterating this point over and over and over without mentioning the fact that the person they were referring to had recently been re-raped by the person who had raped her over a dozen years ago, and she didn't really get a choice in that. She was kind of forced into it by the fact that she lied about being a drug addict and then she didn't want to do drugs with me because... Well because she doesn't like me.

She doesn't like me now either. Especially since she probably was hoping that I didn't know what happened, and especially was hoping that I didn't set it up, and definitely didn't want to be reminded that I would probably be giggling about it, but I'm not giggling, I'm ecstatic. The Divine has ways of punishing people that human court system can't even match. And as this woman I'm referring to was someone that I was accused of having an affair with, by somebody who I hadn't ever cheated on, who told everybody after she believed it, I'm particularly keeved that this woman gets to go do cope with the guy who raped her before, and then I didn't get to do that cope with her effort, no one's done Coke with me and then she's never even had sex with me. She's never been interested in sex with me. She has to be raped into it with meth dick and Magic spells and then she becomes a total coccswave slutore, which she doesn't want to show me what it looks like, because she wants to pretend like she is better than me and that she's in charge and that I'm her nigger and she's a white girl with blonde hair and blue eyes and she's mad at me cuz I've never ever ever had sex with her or given her drugs.

But she's failed at putting me in prison nonetheless. Awkwardly since she was sent to this planet to get my baby batter and to have be accused of rape, it's kind of awkward that she's been stuck here for several decades longer than she thought. It's a bit of a prison sentence. And at present that prison sends consists of her being chemically bound to the guy who raped her before, and then I'm not really going to rescue her. Nor am I going to have sex with her. He belongs to her now. And she belongs to him.

Once and I never really did, I just kind of went through the motions, because I wanted to make sure that a certain person knew that I didn't really care for being lied to. And if she hadn't lied to me and if she hadn't done a bunch of other shit I never would have had sex with her, but she's still my friend. And if she begs me to relieve her from her bondage to some guy who rapes her over and over and convinces her that she likes being a total cock slave total horror, well by guess I can do something about it but I don't have to.

Just like she didn't have to ever tell me the truth about anything. See how that works? I think it's pretty thoroughly annoying too. And I think it's an exceedingly poor taste to have the woman who pretend to be married to me and traveled the world for a dozen years buying real estate under my name, talking to the woman who who was a pole dancing stripper who one time told me that I would make a great private detective, and acted like I was just some stupid boy who didn't know anything, having them talk to each other and try to minimize the damage that's being done to the woman who isn't fucking me and isn't rescuing. Rescuing Allison, and isn't grapefruit, but it is definitely being violated again by the guy who violated her years ago.

I still don't know the whole story but wow I didn't think that would happen. And then it did. But at least she didn't have to suck my dick! Because that would be terrible. For both of us. Because I didn't really want her to suck my dick. I didn't really want to have sex with her.

I WANTED GODDAMN ANSWERS. And I didn't really want that to take four fucking years. I also didn't want her to be demanding money and acting like she was in charge, and then I didn't really want her to be all pissy about feeling sad that she was being taken advantage of because she wasn't getting paid and she wasn't putting me in prison and it wasn't getting a baby and she wasn't enjoying it but my dick had been going into her a few times. I guess she had been told that it was going to be something that she was going to put me put me in jail for? Instead. She went to the psych ward three times. I don't have to theorize too long to discover that she's probably pretty pissed off.

And when she finds me to have push this on asgab for the world to see, she's going to be murderously enraged. I guess I can say goodbye to you having hot sex with her, unless I rape her with meth dick, which I don't know how to do. But I'll have to wait my turn because I guess somebody else has her now, and now they're bound to each other and that works for me cuz I keep some both out of trouble. So that's at least one bright spot in the story.

Because both of them have been total fucking assholes. Prisons know good. I can't mock them openly in prison, I want him to live next door and I could laugh at them everyday while they're forced to have sex with each other. Even though they don't really want to at some point, but they're going to be needing it anyway because they're sex and drug crazed meth head addicts, and apparently that was what I was supposed to be? No that's who they are.

In case any of you want to know what one looks like, now you know who to look at, and if you want to call them nigger fagots as well I wouldn't recommend it, since I didn't like that, and if you want to tell them to get jobs I wouldn't try that either because they have jobs.

They work for God. They demonstrate punishment from the Divine, and they don't work for me, they just exist for my pleasure. That's how I get Justice. I'm not going to sue them. I'm not going to report them. I'm not going to take them to trial, I'm not going to tell anybody what they've done, but I assure you... I have no idea what laws, if any they may have broken, but they sure as shit treated me like ass for the last 4 years they didn't tell me a fucking thing and these were the people that I was supposedly cheating on grapefruit with. And then several other assholes as part of a ratepread squad, can Vince grapefruit to turn on me because obviously I couldn't be trusted.

That led to the wild goose chase and then to the ambush and then that led to me spending the first Christmas without life in JL, and 4 years later. It's still a big fucking shit show and then I've got who and who on YouTube whining and crying about how people make choices? Yeah, except when they're methamphetamine addicts and they're cooking addicts and then they're targeted by a rape Lord, and then they swindle money out of me and then they use my money to buy drugs and then he rapes them into subservians, it looks kind of bad for me unless I explain immediately, and it wasn't really her choice.

And I won't see whose choice it was. But I agree with her. Because these bastards need to be handled. And the military didn't really use them for anything besides making money, and I guess they thought that that was their job. No military boys. You prefect and defend the United States cents and if you think your job is to part-time, be military and full-time. Make money off the populace you have got another goddamn think coming. I'd go ahead and request reassignment to the French foreign legion if you think you're going to get away with exploiting the population while running around with military like you're in charge, because you're fucking not.

GOD IS IN CHARGE. After that Mr Trump. After that I don't care. And if I ever get the chance to break your fucking necks, I won't, because you don't deserve to die, use her to live and be trapped in a perpetual methamphetamine relapse rebirth cycle, because that's what you wanted to do to those people and I've been spending 4 years trying to figure out what fucking going on. Instead of telling me what's been going on, you've been lying your asses off and doing a bunch of shit and pretending like little misprint process that butter wouldn't melt in your mouth and that I'm the one who some sort of druggie rape addict.

And so to see people on YouTube promulating that narrative with that at all being obvious about it, without inviting me, and acting like I don't belong there, well la dee da. F.U. Dan-uh. You don't even realize what a skeeved off whore you are do you? That's probably because you have a contentious opinion of me because you know a lot more about certain things than I do, and you think you're in charge and then I'm your goyim and that because of technical reasons and legal loopholes that means you're in charge that you control my money and you can treat me like a sis and you can get away with it, and not just that but you think it's what you're supposed to do. It's the best idea you can come up with. Mysteriously all your ideas involve you succeeding in me failing, but that's because you're a arrogant prejudiced University pigeon, and you didn't like the way I handled the situation with you.

That's okay. I didn't like the way you lied to me. I especially didn't like the way you stole from me, because you didn't have to, you just didn't want to take the risk that it would be a problem. And you also didn't want to tell me ahead of time what you were planning on and then you wanted to make me feel blame for losing something, because that's how your Jew magic works: BLAME.

Now don't worry about it, because you shouldn't be any more embarrassed than you should have been already, and that'll be the end of the Jewish secrets that I'll be revealing here today, I don't really want to reveal your secrets, and I don't want to keep talking about this, but you keep on being a total asshole in public and ruining my life in theory, as well as embarrassing yourself and practice and no one's gotten around and mentioning that you're completely full of shit? Well I see your partner who's an actual fagin who harvests the souls of children is willing to work with you, I don't know who else is, and I have noticed that not many people are allowed to talk in public now because everybody's tied up with various ndas ncas and conflict of interests, which is entirely the plan that you were working on the whole time with your other partner who's totally absent and not giving me any phone calls and then has his ass in his sling as well.

Which is all fine. It's how you operate. However, I prefer that you operate with class in dignity and then if you think I'm going to fucking hire a lawyer to fucking take your ass to town on this, you're wrong, mostly cuz I'm cheap because also I don't need to sue you, I just need you to be effective.

And frankly, I don't know which of you. I'd rather talk to less but I think I'd rather talk to Lori. I like her, and she's easy to forgive, and I can do that publicly, and then we can talk shit about you and your your closeted Gaylord husband, where the fuck you call him, and then I can do to you and he what you've been doing to me and her and the other one for months if not years, and then you'll know how it feels.

And if you want you can pay me shit loads of money and I'll mock the Christ once in awhile as a joke, but there's no possible way you're going to pay me off to be silent because I'm going to tell this fucking story the way I want to, and the way I want to is to embarrass the shit out of you and Tristan and Kirsten Anne-Elizabeth Hall.


BECAUSE I SAID SO. THAT'S WHY. Oooh! Oooh! Am I violating your free will consent? Yeah I'm pretty sure I am, remember. You can always go after me in the civil courts later on, but in the meantime I'm doing it anyway, so how do you feel about being psycho raped? That's like being raped except it's psycho, and if you had psychokinetic shielding I guess you could have blocked it. But instead I'm just going to double down and explain to you. I don't want to have my dick anywhere near you, and I don't really want the ring back, but obviously you're fond of it since you've enchanted it to become magic talent to claim to be my fucking guardian, but you're not.

You're a fucking real estate fraudster and a criminal without any arrest record. That's so weird. I wonder why they don't rest you? Why did I get arrested a bunch of times and then you got to run around with lots of money? It's not because you're a Jew and it's not because you're a woman.


IT'S BECAUSE ME AND THAT MONGWHORE YOU DON'T CALL A HUSBAND ALLOWED IT TO HAPPEN. (He'll say it was all impromptu, but we planned it in Astral together. He'll probably deny that too. That's okay. I'm preemptively calling him a liar. I think he likes it. Because he's a fucking liar.) Now then.


Your joke of a culture has already arranged to cut off the end of my dick, and has been recently been doing a lot of cutting off of my mic, is there anything else you'd like me to cut off for you? Or you can actually do anything yourself involving the acknowledgment of what the fuck you've been doing, for fucking years. You're not going to trigger another procedural error are you? Cuz that really sucked.


And I'm now forced to realize that you did it on purpose. You know you're a real bitch, but you're a decent competitor and then I am fond of you so it's not going to get any further than this unless you want it to, but I'd like to point out that this is how they play hardball in the real world and you and your fucking panty-waist fucking friends who have been doing your drama shit on YouTube shouldn't talk shit about my friend because she's currently getting raped by the guy who used to rape before and rather than rescue her or cure her STD. I'm going to embarrass the shit out of her too because she can blame you instead of me.

You savvy? I fucking bet you are.


Oooooo, Grapefruit;
Dear Grapefruit,

I love you! Is this enough vengeance for you to enjoy, or do you need me to have them hung upside down and beaten like pinatas until money comes out? One's a Jew and one's a stripper, I bet there's Kruegerrand shoved up there somewhere. (Wager is hypothetical.) And I bet you never imagined it. I could be this effective.

Also I bet you never imagined that I knew exactly where you were the whole time, is that why I'm not welcome anymore, because I don't really give a shit what you look like, I still love you, and I'm still pissed, and you're still working. So fucking hang in there and stop being a bitch because you have a chance and greatness still and that chance is about 99%.

Everyone else is fucked by comparison. I love you very much and I'm not really worried about who my next lover is going to be. Especially since we still haven't broken up, and we don't have to because you don't have to be there, you're just stuck there because you'd rather hide rather than face what you done, but that's okay. You didn't know that I was easy to forgive.

And, as a courtesy, I've set the standards for being an asshole really really low, so you probably look positively saint-ish by comparison. Capiçhe? now, if you don't mind, pretty please, with sugar on top, we need to get a round table going and we need to actually discuss actual issues without me being in charge of sucking all the air out of the room because I could do this all fucking day, and I don't really need to.

I simply get to. Now that's power. And if this isn't enough torture for your enemies, let me know because I can crank up the heat, they really weren't very nice to you, and I can see why, but they were also not really very nice to me, and I need you to know that I could have done something about that anytime, you just would have had to have asked, and told me the truth, and give me a good goddamn reason to make you suffer less, because I'm pretty pissed at you too.

... You have how many fucking children? Okay so how many of them want to to hang out with me and how many of them want to breed me and how many of them are allowed to talk to me and how many of them have been beaten with an inch of their lives by their thuggy Piggy Masters? They've been sold to by your batch your crazy sister, because things have been not very happy for the last few years and I don't fucking see why I have to be hung out to drive for it and it's certainly not the fault of that big titted carpet bagger from California, she's not really to blame for anything and then she's handled.

Handled quite well in fact. Oh and by the way: welcome to Conquistador status. You've won.

And I haven't brushed my teeth in months more than a couple times. That's because we're not going to be kissing, we have work to fucking do. Now, do you know anybody who can call me, or do you have to fucking send me smoke signals? Also do you know this fucking crazy ass fucking serial killer you sent is afraid of Tecumseh? He fucking should be.

One of my Spirit guides. Big T. You have little t. I have Big Tea. Isn't that the most fucking romantic thing you've ever heard? Probably considering who you've been spending time with, you dingbat cheerleader From bubble Whidbey Island. Goddam.

Sweetie, fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life so I'm glad you're not doing that. But replacing one of those was snobby doesn't really improve things, okay? Have your therapist call me and have that woman named Beulah getting refill our on her benzos prescription, because things are going to be fine, but you can expect a lot of public embarrassment.

For everyone but me and you. Because I've done all this for you. I only got one shot at this, and if you ever think for a minute that I'm not useful, realize that you asked me to let you do your thing and out of respect I let you go because you had a plan, and your plan sucked and my plan is
awesome. (Facts.)

Now you can fucking know where you want and then I can't. But that's okay. I want you to pick somebody out for me, but you don't have to because we have work to do first but you're not in trouble and I didn't cheat on you. And if you care to disagree with any of these points it's going to be a fucking steel cage match in goddam Thunderdome. Also, don't make soup out of your husbands yet, I need to make examples of them first and then I also need to interrogate them, and hopefully tar and feather them and then go through their pockets for loose change so I can buy more crack.

You know. For the kids. Later, GATOR !