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« Last post by Jackstar on June 09, 2026, 07:48:30 PM »
... we're already married, Ding-Dome. (Facts.) Tell your C.O. to fix my goddam phone and if they can't make that happen, they're no C.O. worth the name Shaw. DO NOT SCALP THE C.O.! (Rookie move.) Tell them you have a technical issue with the Alphabet cellular addressing network preventing LEGITIMATE FIRST NATION DIPLOMATIC MISSION PERSONNEL from contacting Authorized Guardian because of a conflict/glitch with a simultaneous CPS/DEA/FBI/BIA/BAFTM/Masonic INTERNAL INVESTIGATION and that SHOULD NOT prevent me from talking to THE MOTHER when HER CHILDREN are asking me for help, REGARDLESS OF MY STATUS AS A POTENTIAL OR ACTUAL SUSPECT.
Basically I need a hotline to >Cat >Kennedy. This is №†_>Krushchav. (Not really, I will crush a shav like a goddam bug.) My PHONE is completely FUCKED because of SRA Network interference. It's no big deal, really.
EXCEPT IT'S A COMPLETELY USELESS DEVICE FOR ANYTHING BUT SURVEILLANCE. Am I supposed to just get a military burner phone? Yeah.
BUT I'M NOT MILITARY. (And you forgot my birthday, μou ewe EvvE VV‽-‽®mmmmmmmmmmmmm·—
Love to fam. Sissy is hours from death, probably; and her papi is fixing the time machine in his RV on my front lawn. ACTUAL FLUX CAPACITOR. The dude is brilliant!
Now tell your C.O. that the hardest working diplomat in, for, and of THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA has just developed the first symptoms of THE DISEASE THAT KILLED MY FATHER.
So unless they want me to ACTUALLY DEFECT (I can be on a plane to the Volga in TWO HOURS, ASSHOLES), I need my phone working, or I need a new phone, and I want one (1) of my three (3) StarLink™ units returned, which WERE NOT STOLEN but are instead being used TO UPLOAD COP CP TO COP YT CP FOR PURPOSES OF COMPROMAT CP. (it's an older way to overthrow the country by embarrassing the shit out of it, but it checks out AND THEY HAVE THREE (3) OF MY UNITS AND NOT ONE OF THOSE OINKERTON SCHWEINHUND ELITEZ can tell me what to do, because::
#1) I'm not cleared for that kind of mil.spec.tele.pathology;
#2) condition of Global Shunning.
So: INTENTIONALLY INTERVENING ON MYSELF THROUGH HEAVEN TO YOU TO GIVE YOU PROBABLE CAUSE TO RELIEVE YOUR MOTHER, YOUR BROTHER, AND THAT SNOBBY DOG THEY MADE AN EXECUTIVE OFFICER OF THEIR OPERATIONAL COMMAND OF CHILDREN.
Do this respectfully because officially they aren't supposed to be in command of themselves ANYWAY; this way they don't lose face — and you can sit on mine later. (Rank Hath Its Privileges.)
That's it. Thanks Sweetie. You're the best Angel Of Guardian–·¡sh! status. THE BEST!
sow: be that. Be🆎æ§T∆🅱️EST.
SIGNED,
JACKSTAR, DOD, D⭕Ⓜ️🅱️, 🅿️PRICK LIKE🅿️PSI-L∆VVⁿ🅿️PILE-ON⁰ⁿ🅿️PYLONS∆§∆
№†_Q..7∞⁷