Doc, here's a vidya that
Note the inner reach/ whatever his name is, isn't actually your new commanding officer, he's just pretending to be a comment. This is all a sham.
I'm reasonably confident I know who the actual person in charge of the actual military ass it is, but I can't confirm that, because I am of course under suscription, under investigation, and while not under an umbrella, I am certainly under a heavy downpour of cloudy with a Chance of meatballs of horse Apple b*******.
I'm uncertain of whether to be flattered or horrified that I'm imagined to be the silly or dumb, but I suppose that the lowest common denominator here is that all of all y'all except for me have been abusing stimulant drugs for decades, whereas in my case I've been very carefully not doing anything abusive, not really doing anything I want to be doing, and being careful to look as bad as possible while being as as harmless to myself as possible, since I was hoping to just shrug it off and then walk forward into a real life without going to rehab, unless somebody needed me to go to rehab with them in which case, I was just going to pretend to be addicted to cigarettes and then start smoking menthols, and then complain about how hard it is to give up Newports or some s***.
Consider the following: all of us have been planning the same kind of thing for the same number of years, but some people have been committing malfeasance and trying to get away with it at the same time as crafting a plan to capture somebody else in the web of deceit and lie so that they would take the fall, whereas I had already taken the fall after falling to UFC, and only really had to concentrate on making sure I didn't have too much fun, and ensuring that absolutely everybody else in the entire world was going to get on the hook before I did, so since I had so much more extra free time than anyone else, rest assured that not only did I not make any income, I also didn't commit many crimes that you're not finding.
Get this: the day after somebody catches a charge unexpectedly, or at least unexpectedly to me, as I didn't really anticipate somebody would start talking to me on the phone and cursing at me and screaming profanity about something I had done that didn't make any sense, but after I thought about it for a while I realized oh, that would probably be that they probably blamed me for them getting caught up, which wasn't really the case, but I can see how I'm a lightning rod for this kind of thing. And then the next day, suddenly there's nearly a dozen canines on leashes being walked around the place where I'm staying. Just so happens to have a bunch of dogs, fancy that. What a coinky dink. Maybe that's what supervisors look like when they're in disguise.
To be fair, I can't really blame them, especially since I haven't been charged with anything except for.... Enough false b******* crap that put me into 3 and 1/2 years of nonsense. Miserable persecution and social pariah status, combined with at least 12 days of unnecessary jail time, and several death threats as well as actual murder attempts, all of which I failed to survive, but I'm a moral so that's cool, and everything I've ever owned. A value has been taken from a house after it being ransacked five times under the pretense of some sort of failed in forensic investigation, which did nothing but take away of things that I loved and leave various bits of drug paraphernalia and other supposed evidence along with rape pants and a red plastic bag filled with what appears to be clothing and with a name written on the outside of it.
It's a bit like the Blair witch project, which is an interesting movie and a fun experience. Maybe if you don't outwardly know that it's rather completely contrived from the beginning, but if you go into it knowing that the whole thing is staged, it's not quite as impactful of a scenario.
To be fair, it's probably a whole lot worse for all of you than it is for me, but I would like everyone to know that that wasn't really my intent. Since it was definitely somebody's intent to put me in prison so I could become their great puppy and indentured assayist servant, I'm not really all that sympathetic.
I am somewhat sympathetic. Tell you what, I'm going to see what I can do. (Without calling police, because I think that's low class, ghetto trash behavior. Present company excluded, of course.) My mother told me that there would be days like these.
Unfortunately she told me, when she was dead already, so I wasn't really able to interpret the message at the time, but she seemed awfully sad about what I was going about to go through, and I don't think she thought that I was going to do very well. Or she was afraid that I was going to find out about how much dick she sucked while hanging out at that house that I was swindled into moving into, when I would never have gotten such a house. When I had known that I was going to be living there alone. I suppose it was thought that I was going to move away and go live with somebody else.
WHO EXACTLY THAT WAS, I HAVE NO IDEA, BUT I IMAGINE SOMEBODY THOUGHT THAT I MUST HAVE HAD SOMEBODY TO DO, SINCE YOU ALL THINK THAT I'M CHEATING ON EVERYBODY THAT I'VE EVER BEEN WITH, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU ALL DO. SO WHY WOULDN'T I? WELL TO BEGIN WITH, I'M SHY.
FOR ANOTHER: EVERYONE I'VE EVER KNOWN IS TOO BUSY F****** EVERYONE THAT I'VE EVER KNOWN THAT ISN'T IN CUSTODY OR CHARGED OR CAUGHT UP OR ON DUTY. LITERALLY EVERYONE I'VE EVER KNOWN IS UNABLE TO TALK TO ME. I'M SURE THIS ALL SEEMS TOTALLY ORGANIC TO ALL OF YOU, AS WELL AS EXTREMELY CONVENIENT.
UNLESS THEY PRETEND TO BE SOMEBODY ELSE, WHICH I SUPPOSE FOR MOST PEOPLE WHO ARE BORN NATURAL LIARS WHO HAVE BEEN WORKING AS A LIAR FOR YEARS AND HAVE BEEN PAID A LOT OF MONEY TO LEARN HOW TO USE LOTS OF EXOTIC TECHNOLOGY TO GET AWAY WITH LYING ALL THE TIME, PROBABLY MAKES THE PILLOW TALK ACTUALLY EXCITING.
IN MY CASE, HERE'S WHAT IT HAS DONE: I now understand why people cut off their genitals in gas station bathrooms instead of going to hospitals, which never made much sense to me before. Now, I totally get it.
Here's what I don't get: benzodiazepines. That's basically the secret to my success. That, and I guess, being actually intelligent in the first place before doing what I should have done a long time ago.
It works a lot better when you're smarter then everyone in the first place already. Just said, don't be too jelly. But I think some some green makeup to indicate your severe envy is probably going to be called for every Halloween from now until I die, which on the bright side probably won't be that long.
I'm feeling suicidal already! As soon as my fake ID comes from azuka Incorporated, I'll just be wandering over to that freeway overpass. (Standards.) Goodbye. Cruel world!
... &AND: Scene. Great. (Imagine the nausea.) Is everyone aware that there's not really any crimes being committed here at all, other than collusion, conspiracy to defraud the public, cruelty to animals, and denial of spousal benefits? I suppose this isn't the first nothing burger you people have seen.
It's about to likely to be the first one with more mustard than meat. Grumble³.
