You have a stellar weekly forecast, Virgo! No one will deny you’re one of the worker bees of the zodiac, but this week, the cosmos is asking you to focus on having fun and spending time with the ones you love. The current line-up of planets in Capricorn and Pisces are activating your fifth house of fun and your house of partnerships, respectively. While work should always be kept afloat, try spending less time hustling and more time playing. We know — it’s hard to drop work early, but trust us when we say that this influence is short-lived, as next week, your load will most likely ramp up. Saturday brings the most fortunate day of the year, and for you, the possibility to take a relationship or commitment to the next level. If you’re single, this is a fine time to start a profile on a dating app, as your love forecast for the next few months looks more than promising!
"More than promising," WTAF is that? What, notarized? Fuck this, I'm going to go buy beer liquor. Don't worry about it, Kids, I'm fine; don't buy the hype, I'll buy some dead cow to go with it. Just for luck.