I'm not saying another cogent, interpolable word until the applesauce comes out. It's legitimately not reasonable, ethical, or even
effective to continue to pile irrational demands on a person. So when it continues to happen, it may be that the demander has not recognized that the person they are making demands of, has become altered —informed — since a period of time before, and it is no longer reasonable to ask a person, for example, who has fallen asleep... what they want to watch on TV.
It is also not reasonable to ask a person who knew exactly what those fucking feathers in your head meant when you show them to him why it was that he didn't care about your hair anymore, especially after you deliberately butchered it in order to conduct an Arch cleanse, that it was an accident when it was obviously purposeful and something else and something else and a series of lies spoken aloud that were meant to cover up the horribleness of what laid beneath but what lady beneath was something that you created for yourself so to tell lies cover lies for yourself especially the beginning of the relationship is probably not something that is going to ever lead anyone to anything but a situation like this which is where somebody suddenly realizes... “I know I've been talking to a woman... so why have I been thinking that... it's
ever going to make sense?”
As I have stated, I am a profoundly stupid man. I have never been in any doubt of this, I know where my strengths are, I know I can crank up the deduction powers pretty well but that's largely just because I'm a genetic mutant and I'm willing to go the distance to learn how to do that kind of thing.
I swear to God I do not know why somebody who I told something to, in that there was something I was looking for and if they could help me find it that'd be great, it didn't occur to me that a person would be deliberately deceitful to the extreme at that very beginning moment, because if I had been told the truth I wouldn't have had to spend the last year and a half doing what I've been doing... Although it must be said that I knew at the moment of realization that if the answer really was that I was straight up being lied to, it would be better for me in the long run to turn a blind eye to that and act as if the person was legitimately telling the truth.
Because for all I knew at the time they may have been as far as I knew, and to suddenly start calling people liars or to assume that they're being deceitful just automatically just out of precaution that's a terrible idea for a long-term happiness.
Besides I am aware that everyone does exactly what they believe needs to be done based on what they believe is true at that moment, and if somebody thinks that there is a very good idea to send themselves to jail so they could be removed and taken to another continent or whatever I mean who am I to say differently, except for the fact that I have been told a different set of truths and so my thought was that it was my job to not let that happen, especially since I recognized that... I've been set up.
As there were only two people here, as I was a victim it was not automatic that the other person was guaranteed to be opposed, especially when the characteristic jackpot eye roll occurred, there's no reason to be assuming anything at that time, especially since someone thought that I was going to fall for the old, it's my house I'm going to stay she can go oh shit there's a big mess here and I'll never see her again yeah I've heard of that trick before and I've never fallen for it, and of course in hindsight I've looked back and wondered but at the time I know exactly what I thought: no matter what happens I'm not staying here and she is and that mess is going to get cleaned up, by her.
I actually know how PTSD works. I actually paid attention in class. Don't know exactly why or how it can be a thing that happens but when it's over the person comes to their senses and has no idea what just happened, and that's a very dangerous thing for a person to have to let her go in jail.
Further, all I wanted to do was go to sleep, and hopefully figure out how we were going to split up things in a makeable way, and instead of being allowed to relax I walked in the door and it was an instant hostile manipulatory attempt designed to go behavior in particular direction.
And every single time before I had a knife pulled on me and had a woman screaming at me I had always acted that I was terrified in fear. I wasn't actually what I was terrified of is that she would find out just how little of affect what she's doing is against me and I didn't really want to tell her because if she knew that what she was doing was completely ineffective she might notice that I was just playing along to see what the hell was going on.
I'm going to reiterate this fact. I had a woman pull a knife on me and scream at me more than 80 or 90 times starting some eight or nine or 10 months prior I don't know it never happened before and the first time it happened I was surprised and curious, I thought to myself okay is this a real thing or is this an application, like am I supposed to be impressed by this or is this complete bullshit because I was only concerned because it was a moving car, and I guess I was supposed to be more terrified than I actually was, cuz I was actually real concerned that it didn't make any sense that this was actually happening... And hey Brainiac I told you this was a concern and you went and did it anyway, and now your little team is trying to turn you against me and you didn't see that coming and then now you have absolutely no way of getting out of this other than me, and now you're pulling an eye for me wow that's interesting are you even the same person?
And she's pulling a knife she's on a highway she's going like 65, I don't cringe in fear I just pull the key out of the ignition, while she's in motion, can I get this she doesn't stab you with a knife what she does is she gets mad and then tries to grab her key back, like she's in charge of anything.
Friends, if I had called the police at that moment and said this is what happened this woman pulled a knife on me and here's your behavior they would have instantly believed me. And they would have taken her away and I probably would have never seen her again.
The whole, “probably never seen her again” thing would have been also accompanied with and they got a false evidence trail that leads to you becoming Scott Peterson's new bunk paint. And this is all stuff that I figured out was going to happen after somebody decided to jump into a taxi cab early in front of witnesses and shit. My life has been a nightmarish struggle of crisis management stumbling through darkness and actual rodeo clowns starting to unionize in order to complain about the lack of tractor trucks in the emphasis on cow-only culture.
Since, as most of you are aware, even if she is a fucked up mind slave and even if she is really disqualified and even if she does have to be reconditioned, it doesn't matter I love the woman and that love is not based in any way on her ability to manipulate me or push me around or even her fiercely did a brow and gritty determination as she continues to once more jump into the breach of things that nobody else gets to do and fail miserably over and over, because how can anybody be invulnerable? He must be lying.
I have tried to explain that the thing that makes me invulnerable is the lie that the attack starts with, but I really haven't gotten a chance to deal with this kind of thing ever since somebody decided to put somebody else through the wringer for reasons that were not clear to me until pretty recently.
Like, no wonder, she's so terrified. I wonder how the real thing feels like compared to the manufactured bullshit crisis that she tries to manipulate everybody with? Must remember to ask the court if I can have an interpreter hired to.. well whatever it doesn't matter. Truth of matter is is the one that was there when I got there that night is recovering from a stroke on a Thorazine drip because she cannot handle the truth, and then there really are 17 of them 16 whatever maybe there's 19 now I don't know it's kind of complicated how it works.
We can all be rest assured that I'm not going to bother explaining it in detail unless there's a woman blowing me for it, I don't know what else I could be paid in order to betray my country and explain the secrets of high-tech shenanigans to just any random idiot who knows how to read just well enough to figure out what I'm saying, yeah I'm not going to do that.
Like seriously if I did that kind of thing I would be literally killed and tortured to death, and if I did that kind of thing I would only do so if I had a good reason but even if I did it's not my shit to do stuff with. So it would be not a good scene. And similarly, if it was not so cleverly camouflaged in a huge wall of text that is legitimately hard to figure out compared to reasonable verbiage, I would feel badly about how easy it is for somebody to read through this bunch of bullshit that I've written and then discover something that they might not want to know just yet.
LOTS OF PEOPLE DISCOVERING LOTS OF THINGS
NOT SURE IN REGARDS TO DELAY
NAUTICAL SHORE IN REGARDS TO ISOLATION.
CERTITUDE IS HERE.
She just wants a diva, I guess. Why does it have to be all caps? Who is he who is that even speaking? Why am I never mind so fucking annoying well I'm even bother asking questions I'm asking questions for quite some time didn't get no answers at all and I thought at one point it was complicated you know I was told that things were complicated.
Perhaps they were not quite as complicated as somebody had been led to believe. For example it would have been perfectly reasonable to simply state that “double-blind protocol is required for reasons worthwhile,” and that would be pretty good, especially in comparison to the often suggested motivational tool of being beaten with a metal stick.
Sometimes people will be bringing this kind of stuff up as if it's sort of excuses or justifies or rationalizes anything they're done but I'm not actually doing that in any way at all I'd like to point out that this woman really is that concerned about her state of decline because it used to be that she would be able to beat the shed of a guy like me with her God damn earlobe.
Like no kidding this this woman has some talents, and the vast majority of them for the nearly 5 years that I've known her she has refused to even acknowledge that she possesses let alone share them with me. Meanwhile I've told her everything I possibly know about absolutely everything and she has not done anything. nothing. Note that she doesn't actually have to in this culture, but it is important for myself to announce the kinds of things that I'm seeking to be interested in.
I didn't know I was going to be interested in capturing a full Quincunx cell of Jester slaves all at once... And I'm not actually sure that I did, but I do know that... Look there's a lot I really want to talk about. There really is but not really so much to
the public. Not a pool of wonder why I'm here on asgab. Wow the recognizers already shutting down. Long story short I came here to find something and I found it.
I was left to spend in the darkness for as long as I was, because I was being...
considered. Now I assume that this would be the case at some point in my life, that kind of thing would occur probably multiple times and for the most part, these kinds of processes are not meant to be detectable.
So when someone shows up and just consistently right out of the gate right out of the park detect detect detect to text and doesn't even know how amazing that ability is, and is doing it all day everyday out front in God's Park and everything... There is typically an
actual reason.
So when I found myself finally being asked a_relevant question, after months and months and months and actual years, I knew I was on some sort of right track finally, but I was actually wrong about that.
It had always been the right track, but I was quite curious why air travel in Herbert's
Dune was in machines that flapped their wings. My God, that doesn't seem really practical. Seems kind of artsy-fartsy. Then again, this is
Dune.
Remember that guy with all that ooze jumping out of his face and he hated the other houses, and he was crazy and shit? Just absolutely the most violent and loathsome human being imaginable. Do you know why he was like that?
Dune: a book where there's a drug that lets you teleport through spacetime and if you use a lot of it —and why wouldn't you? Space Merchants— your eyes turn blue, like even the whites, and some people think that's bad... but then other people don't see things at all the same way, and did I mention it's a drug... that lets one teleport through space and time?
This is a book that my English teacher suggested that I read when I was 11 goddam years old. 11. Since I don't remember finding this out until much later on wikipedia, it never occurred to me to wonder why he was so fucked up and ugly and shit cuz I started reading the book for the first time when I was pretty young.
I don't know why she decided to record that book to me but I can assure you it's not something that she would recommend to most 11 years old and of course she's not 11 she's like dead now, and she was obviously very far to me, because she was horrified at the off-color joke that I told her that I found a back of a book and then she was upset because I made her laugh and then she was being recorded she have to go up on charges cuz she was hanging out with this kid and the kids telling her jokes about... Good luck it was a long joke and it was fairly normal until the punchline and then she realized what she was doing with the minor child and apparently that was something that's not good for a teacher to do? I found the joke and I thought to myself I'll tell this to that teacher lady and see what happens.
yeah they should freak the fuck out and realize that she actually did kind of like me a lot and you know I guess that's a concern for some people when they don't have any impulse control and think that they're being set up and played I mean I wasn't trying to seduce her but then again I was deliberately fighting a joke about something I didn't completely understand but I knew that I wanted to know more about it and I figured if I told this person to joke about a subject that I shouldn't be asking about I could either pretend I didn't know or I could say oh yeah tell me more but this woman flipped out like I had just claimed that David Rubini was going to call her in 5 minutes.
So this was you know when I was 11 long time ago I'm real curious to know if she actually knew that the reason why the Blair invited American was so fucked up is that he fucking raped someone and that really pissed someone off and that someone infected him with a bio weapon manufactured designed genomic corruption that was not really incurable but immensely painful and literally completely untreatable.
Now I don't know at all about how bad such things can get but that's how the story was in the book, except I remember the book explaining that that guy raped somebody and then he thought he was going to get away with it and then what happened was that he got away with a whole lot more than he bargained for.
Similarly I did not know how much that book would impact my life as it has been a more useful book to turn to than any Bible has been given that I don't bother to read any Bible because I can just talk to Jesus and God whenever I want to I don't have to ask permission a lot of people need to like go through a priest or something I can just talk I don't need to read the fucking book.
I mean I could, sometimes I pick it up and just think of a question and then open at random and there there's the answer and that's pretty cool for me but that actually reading the Bible stuff... that is actually an interesting journey that is probably one I should take someday.
However, on the other hand another interesting journey would be to leave the state buy a gun and go to a target range and just shoot some targets. And until fairly recently I was able to do that with no concerns or problems at all, and right now I cannot because it really bugged the shit out of me that somebody who had been told I want to go shoot some guns had never gotten around to figuring that out, and then when I felt it was time to get the answer that I was going to get this was some two three years later I mentioned that wondering when was this going to happen I was curious what she was looking for in order for that to occur.
Instant response: “too expensive.” Well, that's interesting. I considered the damage to my skeletal structure that a non-stop life of alcohol use would inevitably be too expensive as well... but then again, some people thought that was a cheap price to pay to deal with an unpleasant truth.
But I digress. Now, as we recall, at the time, this woman actually believed I was stupid and retarded and I was just faking being smart. And that statement remains more or less true today, along with the caveat that... so is she.
“Too expensive.”
We literally drive not her miles just to get special sage and to look at the Town her kids going to go to college and then get thrown out of in a year, undoubtedly tons of wide open spaces between here and Yakima that no one's going to get fire a gun, and no concerns about expense there, but explain to her I'd like to go to gun range he says it's too expensive.
Response I do not say to her why don't we just go out in the middle of nowhere where it's completely legal to do whatever you want, because she obviously doesn't want to do that with me, I said gun range she doesn't want to go to gun range she thinks I'm an idiot for not just going out wherever she doesn't want to do things with me at all she doesn't want me to figure out what her skills are she doesn't want to teach me things at some point something has happened that has made her become....
relentlessly suspicious.
She ain't all that subtle about it though because I've been relentlessly suspicious ever since she explained that since she gets plenty of money from all of her sources and that happens every month and I have a complicated arrangement that even I don't understand and then it's just me and I have no one else the whole world and this is just it and then nevertheless that is obviously the opportune time for the pattern to be imprinted that I pay for things and she pretends to struggle.
Oh, I remember the pretend financial struggle. Like, I was more observant than most people could notice when I was pre verbal, I remember I was in agony and I was really fearful until my father told me what it was and then my first thought was that is the B that okay that I stepped on. Or however the fuck a 2 year old would say such things.
The point is that after I stepped in a bee that stung me and I was in agony after I knew what it was I asked my father if the bee was going to be okay. And he said, no, that’s a honeybee, they only get to sting once and I was instantly so very sad.
But I didn't mean to hurt it so why did it sting me? Something like that I was thinking I'm like two and I'm concerned about other things dying and I'm feeling sad for them... now,
that's empathy.
I never really wanted to know why they die when they sting until now so I asked and I was immediately answered, and the answer is that that's so that they can suicide themselves and go back to the hive instantly, if they find themselves in an untenable position.
I'm not seeing the things that I need to see happen fast enough!”
Well, how about now? Are you seeing them fast enough now? Let's see it's been a half a year since Christmas have I seen a single Christmas gift from you or from anyone have I gotten laid by the way have you discovered why you had a bad time when you didn't have to? I'm honestly just curious if you have given any thought to this or if you're still crying whining and pissing and wailing and doing all your fucking bullshit... You know with the foggy piggies that are actively making your mental disability more of a struggle more painful more uncomfortable and actively preventing you from getting the eyeline therapy that you were told that you needed.
Now why do you think somebody would do that to you and prevent me from assisting you? Here's a hint: they know more about it than I do... but not much.
By the way remember when I missed the fair that you needed to take and you got all mad and then you suddenly realize that you couldn't really get mad at me very easily cuz you didn't fucking tell me that you had a deadline? Do you remember that I treated you with respect because that's how I wanted to be treated in exchange as well as the fact that respect is a fairly practical way to get through life and doesn't waste a lot of time on stupid fucking arguments?
Do you remember when I told you that I was looking for you and you told me that I was lying to you and that I deliberately didn't see you? I wasn't lying to you just didn't understand what I meant, because you're right I didn't see you, and I really wasn't trying all that hard, and I kind of wanted to take my time trying to find you because I really needed to relax and gather my thoughts because you had just spent a great deal of time not doing what you thought you had been doing.
Do you remember the video I took right after you got your bracelet off at the place I should have been taking video God that was funny and then all of a sudden sudden detour where my phone gets stolen.
Remember that? Because that was your Kodak moment your golden opportunity to shine and instead of being civil, you actually so I owed you something that I'd let you down and I had something to be concerned about.
Yeah, you know, not really so much at that point. I couldn't understand what you're doing I couldn't understand how you thought that was going to work I didn't imagine how you were going to get away with it I wondered who your secret accomplices were who were all going to get busted I don't understand how you failed to appreciate the significance of my special legal status while insisting that people pay attention to yours.
This is actually something they call entitlement issues when it's an actual mental condition see I don't have that but it's listed on my papers because I allowed them to put whatever fucking shit they could put on there that would be even remotely just file because I never thought that I would need that piece of paper until far later anyway and I knew for a fact that nobody knew what the hell was wrong with me because whatever all those conditions were none of them were anything that was like I had and then nobody knew what I had because nobody knew that if a kid falls off his God damn tricycle at 5 years old and nobody does anything about it it turns out that he gets a little irritable.
I'm actually never irritable anymore, but I enjoy making myself sound more irritated than I actually have because apparently he gets everybody's attention and people start to wonder if I'm going to lose it.
I lost it in 1991, okay? 6 years later I'm dealing with interdimensional portals and sphere beings. 6.1 seconds later I'm digging a hole in the ground and burying myself in it because I have already been around the block a few times with these ridiculous setup tricks.
Additionally, Project Blue Beam is real fucking obsolete now. I'm not going to say that they activate me and I go blow up their illusions whenever they try it but I certainly have some great dreams sometimes. Anyway the main thing was that I didn't want to get vivastected or have my parents used against me as as hostages.
I wasn't exactly certain how to defend myself at the time, but I seem to have gotten a lot better at it. For example in order to deal with the possible threat of my loved ones being kidnapped and held Ransom I've decided to only be attracted in any way at all to women who may or may not go off like a fucking fusion bomb if you just look at them the wrong way, or if they don't get to have the oxytocin that they've become accustomed to.
So far it seems to be working well, although the notion that no one in the entire world has come to me and wanted to discuss a certain subject with me as soon as possible just strikes me with complete mystification.
That subject is... SUBUWUWU. OH BUT PUT ME IN JAIL FOR CHRISTMAS? Let's also authorize a co-branded line of holiday day planners and coffee mugs.
Now I will admit the deliberately ignoring the lunch invitation and taking care of some personal business that had to be done without explaining what I was doing was perhaps a miscalculation but at that point I expected that if you thought I was waiting for you, you were all mistaken.
I really don't remember how many years ago it was that I began to realize that there really is somebody who's really pissed to you they want some kind of revenge or something they imagine that I did some kind of imagine slight and rather than come up front about it they just had to be all pissy from behind constant attacks gang is talking invisible lasers FM radio fucking what the fuck what did I do? shit in the corn flakes???
Well I have finally begun to have some sort of minor insight into this matter, I believe it's going to be an easy thing to resolve now that I've actually come to see what the concern is.
Or rather... what the concern has been.
