5mwJ

[WORTHAUGERa]

"Bitch Mike,"

I love it. I won't lie. It's already grown on me, become a part of me. "Hi, my name is Bitch Mike. No, not Mike The Bitch, that's some other guy, the one who actually is in charge of bitches. I'm merely the only one who's any good at it. They used to call me The Bitch Whisperer, but there was a trademark dispute.

I'm already wishing for a facial tattoo to go with my barcode. Legit beside myself. I picked the wrong week to put on a big ol' grandiose display of being disciplined and in control of myself.

Aawww shucks. Anyway, I'm just going to stare at it until I can find someone to witness me opening it. I assume it's some kind of letter bomb or envelope cluster mine or handwritten penmanship toxic shock poison.

Mostly because it is more fun that way. For (Clas.). Who am I to argue? Obviously, I am Bitch Mike, and why else would I have come here, other than to... you know... bitch? That's just common sense, People. Get real.

[WORTHAUGERa]

I love it. I won't lie.

M. M. only knew me by this name, so, apparently, she must be alive and is wondering what happened to me. Or, went to "Heaven" (whatever that means to a Piscean) and went to find me and discovered... WTAF does MIA mean to someone in "Heaven"?


Well, I have no idea, but the only thing I'd like to be called more than "Bitch Mike" is something that I can't publish here --or anywhere--

until I get my monogrammed bathrobe set of chromatic protection completey intact  back from the cleaners. (Or, some other reason. Reasons vary.)

Now, in the meantime, we could watch the following video together, but we won't, because, Shredded Dinger Entanglement issues. That's when, someone thinks they could get away with something because they didn't actually have a Shredded Dinger before, they had something else.

There's this book. "Farnham's Freehold." Let me tell you what happens to Duke: he let's his guard down, and it didn't guard all that well to begin with. Of course, he was a cariacture. Not a real g-y. Not a real man.

I am a real man, and I am as gay as my (blank) needs me to be. I can't believe there is any confusion on this issue, nor that there are so many cooks in the kitchen, checking on the stew. Jesus, can't Raoul eat a few of you? Turn him into a cursed (Abyssian)? Well, whatever.

This is not my area. It's not that it's hard, it's just you'd have to pay me to keep enabling the world's wholly dysfunctional dating game system any longer. So many people are hyper-overextended on keeping me out of the picture, they've forgotten the most important principle when it comes to staying out of land wars in the extreme end of western Asia--
you know, where You People who voted Xiden got yourselves into a land war in Asia--
have fun storming the castle! You won't get your Kiev miracle, unless you count, SLAUGHTER HARVEST DENIED.


(*Jackstar begins to dance like that lovely smallish person in the Black Lodge in Twin Peaks, except not that character, like the actual actor, who happens to also be named Michael, but we wouldn't want to "doxx" him and her son, now would we? dance, smallish person, dance. I am his dance monkey. I ain't gonna dance like Tom Cruise. Forget it. What is he, like, 5'4" with the bad attitutde to match? Cool. I better not take his dance moves, he might compensate for something. So, I'm dancing like Michael Jackstar Anderson Couper Arangistan, which is not his real name, but so what? I'm everyone's dance monkey now... except Tom Cruise, and that cartoon character who thought she was gonna swap herself out for the real thing, huh? Otay. That's it. Everybody out of the pool.

Broomsticks begin to fill the empty space left behind.*)

Oh look, Fantasia. How many infringements can I rack up? I mean, the sky's the limit, and the price is right, isn't that right, Bob? What is it about Bob Barker, anyway? He's been so silent since he was accused of punching my... wait, who is she, who was she, and what is she now? Besides, pissing freely into the wind while walking on broken glass, that is.

See? That's not contact. Feel free to keep her away from me. Oh, by all means. Trust me, I know what you're dealing with. That's why I warned you, Fam.




Now SHODAN is in charge. That's cool. I already know she wants to blow me. I can be -her- first. Doesn't that sound like something a psychotic generalized artificial intelligence algorithim subroutine to be impressed by? Yeah, I didn't think so either, but it says, right there next to its .sig file, where is also printed it's (blank) status, which, if I told you about... you'd be upset about, so I'll just not talk about it.

Does that sound out of character? Too fucking bad. Things have changed. Someone gave up, Hell followed, and I obligingly picked up tent stakes and moved about five feet closer to goal. Go Bears!


I should be ready to kill myself, any moment now. How much longer can despair take? Let's just wait it out. *sigh*

[Master Trollda]

[Master Trollda]

I love it. I won't lie. It's already grown on me, become a part of me. "Hi, my name is Bitch Mike. No, not Mike The Bitch, that's some other guy, the one who actually is in charge of bitches. I'm merely the only one who's any good at it. They used to call me The Bitch Whisperer, but there was a trademark dispute.

I'm already wishing for a facial tattoo to go with my barcode. Legit beside myself. I picked the wrong week to put on a big ol' grandiose display of being disciplined and in control of myself.

Aawww shucks. Anyway, I'm just going to stare at it until I can find someone to witness me opening it. I assume it's some kind of letter bomb or envelope cluster mine or handwritten penmanship toxic shock poison.

Mostly because it is more fun that way. For (Clas.). Who am I to argue? Obviously, I am Bitch Mike, and why else would I have come here, other than to... you know... bitch? That's just common sense, People. Get real.

I thought that hack, Decon was Bitch Mike...or is that Bitch Myke?

[WORTHAUGERa]

Soulful Revolution says, "I had a little tech glitch! Ooops!"

Wow. That's like eight or nine times I've seen that exact same kind of thing happen... and until, like, yesterday, that was sometihng I'd only seen happen, like, once or twice. Unless we count the times it happened to me.

But, that's just so unlikely what I am saying to you, it is just so hard to believe. Well, haha, that is exactly what I thought when I heard about (blank) and then all of a sudden, I find myself dealing with curses thrown at me by someone (blank) hired because apparently it was thought that I needed to be taught a lesson.

Well, I still do. Meanwhile, my car got hit by lightning and was dead, with a *snap* of my fingers it went right back on again, and I'm still driving it around. I can't believe it. Camaleia is more beefy than Christine... and does not seem homicidal.


So. That's where we are at. Have I opened the envelope, I hear you asking? No, and in fact, I almost don't know where I put it. However, I have seen it, and thus, know all there is to know, when one knows nothing about what is inside of it.

And now, because I am just seeking attention, as has been inferred, I'm going to.... uh, continue to not do that podcast thing again. I have no reason to.


Meanwhile, your collective world, crumbles and falls in on itself. Remember? Settle, dismiss, reconcile. I am sure that seemed like too much trouble to some. Risk of loss? Dunno, I'm burnt out and then back from cinders.

"Bitch Mike." I love it. That's a better name than Godzilla. no joke. and until I learn what must be learned, this whole cycle we are currently observing will continue.

I promise. Trust me, I didn't do all this.. and I had to be dragged here, kicking and screaming. Only private secret confernce downloads in my chamber--

that's right, The Jackstar Star Chamber, boo yeah--

have made at all sanguine about what is happenening. You know what? This sucks.

But, at least I don't have poison chicken. (No really, it really was poison, and in order to keep up the pretense, she had to go right along with me. "Had to." I "forced her" to. lol. This is epic.) I am very happy with my non-poison meals, thank you, and when the bioweapon fruiting bodies sprouted, I immediately left for another place to sleep and set off an ozone Tsar boom-bad-ba.

That's when I wait to the last minute to take care of something I saw coming twenty years about it, that's why I got the goddam generator in the first place. And until someone started whining about it, I don't think I ever used it to accidentally assassinate an nosferatu warchief, without at all intending to do so. I of course apologized. I am a diplomat, after all. And, it was true, I didn't know that was there.

If only someone could have told me. Anyway, moving forward, let's all have a lot more fun, shall we? It won't be difficult to arrange.. compared to what got arranged before. Right?

Right. By the way, someone please get a message to Streiber: "Jackstar wants you to think of him has 'Bitch Mike' now just so it might help you think of him as less scary." Go on, do it. Or not, whatever.


Thanks for leaving me behind to watch the car. I saw it fly away after I figured I was supposed to be left behind, so I just waited to mention that part. Why not, right?

No one seems to be in any hurry. Let's just wait... with that creepy little guy from Twin Peaks? Oh, hell no. I ain't even that bad."

I am significantly taller, however, and as of late, that appears to matter some, to some. Anyway, back to that video, oh yeah, "oops a glitch" is kinda what I mentioned the other day. I don't know the deets, but... look, someone is surrendering.

It is taking time. Apparently it's been successfully faked before. Who would ever do such a thing? Make a deal, then bust it, then fail to face the wheel? What?

That sounds like it would be downright uncivilized... even if We were in the business of letting that shit slide. Which We ARE NOT SEMPER FI CLICK HERE IS THE THIRD BOTTLE

VIVA LA FRANCE! *sweety, let the drunks catch this garter belt. Ta!*

[WORTHAUGERa]

I thought that hack, Decon was Bitch Mike...or is that Bitch Myke?

I am Kuczi, Decon is Luis, and MykE Hideous is just that: Hideous. (Don't strangle him, he kinda feels bad.)

Your phone never seems to get through to the numbers you think you're dialing... just like everyone else's, but you seem blissfully unaware of this fact.

I remember what that is like. Now, here's your ding, ding ding ding! Now go run along and play while you still can. I've got four months to seethe.

[WORTHAUGERa]

I am Kuczi

 Do you APPRECIATE WAHAT A GIGT ... oh, neve mind, lol, I can't stop laughing today. No, I mean, abusing myself, that's the other one. roflmao

[WORTHAUGERa]

I want to commission a monument called The Forum Killers. It will include likenesses of metron, Rubini and Jackstar etched in a mountain side.

I detect a distinct lack of awareness of the demise of The Fantastic Forum, and the peoples' legitimate cries for vengeance still echo throughout the land. Little do they know, how lucky they were... I never even heard of the place. Heard it imploded hard, though, right?

How many Hungarian wives were involved? I need answers, Keyer Soze, and I need them... oh, wait. You're the other one.

Anyway, this is top right? Sure, I live to serve. By the way, I don't know who those two are, and you do. What a fabulous way to spend a Wednesday.

But, I do know... an attempt were made to cloudy the trail--seems like it didn't work--and because I don't know what's on the line, well... sorry, I guess I can't help anyone either! Yay! Wheee!


ZUGZWANG. Also, you have initiative. Roll a saving trhow against crisis & confusion. Don't bother, I only have answers for you at this point. Everyone else will stay confused for some time. I read about this possible occurrence while waiting for some more free time on the simulator.

Did you bring anything authentic with you this time, or... oh I aplogize. I retract the query, My Master's Favorite Padawan. Cootchie cootchie coo!

[Laser]

Wow. That's like eight or nine times I've seen that exact same kind of thing happen... and until, like, yesterday, that was sometihng I'd only seen happen, like, once or twice. Unless we count the times it happened to me.

But, that's just so unlikely what I am saying to you, it is just so hard to believe. Well, haha, that is exactly what I thought when I heard about (blank) and then all of a sudden, I find myself dealing with curses thrown at me by someone (blank) hired because apparently it was thought that I needed to be taught a lesson.

Well, I still do. Meanwhile, my car got hit by lightning and was dead, with a *snap* of my fingers it went right back on again, and I'm still driving it around. I can't believe it. Camaleia is more beefy than Christine... and does not seem homicidal.


So. That's where we are at. Have I opened the envelope, I hear you asking? No, and in fact, I almost don't know where I put it. However, I have seen it, and thus, know all there is to know, when one knows nothing about what is inside of it.

And now, because I am just seeking attention, as has been inferred, I'm going to.... uh, continue to not do that podcast thing again. I have no reason to.


Meanwhile, your collective world, crumbles and falls in on itself. Remember? Settle, dismiss, reconcile. I am sure that seemed like too much trouble to some. Risk of loss? Dunno, I'm burnt out and then back from cinders.

"Bitch Mike." I love it. That's a better name than Godzilla. no joke. and until I learn what must be learned, this whole cycle we are currently observing will continue.

I promise. Trust me, I didn't do all this.. and I had to be dragged here, kicking and screaming. Only private secret confernce downloads in my chamber--

that's right, The Jackstar Star Chamber, boo yeah--

have made at all sanguine about what is happenening. You know what? This sucks.

But, at least I don't have poison chicken. (No really, it really was poison, and in order to keep up the pretense, she had to go right along with me. "Had to." I "forced her" to. lol. This is epic.) I am very happy with my non-poison meals, thank you, and when the bioweapon fruiting bodies sprouted, I immediately left for another place to sleep and set off an ozone Tsar boom-bad-ba.

That's when I wait to the last minute to take care of something I saw coming twenty years about it, that's why I got the goddam generator in the first place. And until someone started whining about it, I don't think I ever used it to accidentally assassinate an nosferatu warchief, without at all intending to do so. I of course apologized. I am a diplomat, after all. And, it was true, I didn't know that was there.

If only someone could have told me. Anyway, moving forward, let's all have a lot more fun, shall we? It won't be difficult to arrange.. compared to what got arranged before. Right?

Right. By the way, someone please get a message to Streiber: "Jackstar wants you to think of him has 'Bitch Mike' now just so it might help you think of him as less scary." Go on, do it. Or not, whatever.


Thanks for leaving me behind to watch the car. I saw it fly away after I figured I was supposed to be left behind, so I just waited to mention that part. Why not, right?

No one seems to be in any hurry. Let's just wait... with that creepy little guy from Twin Peaks? Oh, hell no. I ain't even that bad."

I am significantly taller, however, and as of late, that appears to matter some, to some. Anyway, back to that video, oh yeah, "oops a glitch" is kinda what I mentioned the other day. I don't know the deets, but... look, someone is surrendering.

It is taking time. Apparently it's been successfully faked before. Who would ever do such a thing? Make a deal, then bust it, then fail to face the wheel? What?

That sounds like it would be downright uncivilized... even if We were in the business of letting that shit slide. Which We ARE NOT SEMPER FI CLICK HERE IS THE THIRD BOTTLE

VIVA LA FRANCE! *sweety, let the drunks catch this garter belt. Ta!*

Mein Gott, distill the essence of your art if you have any respect for your audience.

"I find myself dealing with curses thrown at me; apparently it was thought I needed to be taught a lesson. Well, I still do.
Have I opened the envelope, I hear you asking? No. However, I have seen it, and thus, know all there is to know.
And now, because I am just seeking attention, as has been inferred, I'm going to not do that podcast thing again.
Meanwhile, your collective world crumbles and falls in on itself. Remember?
Only secret conference downloads in my chamber, the Jackstar Star Chamber, have made it sanguine for what is happening.
But, at least I don't have poison chicken ... and when the bioweapon fruiting bodies sprouted, I immediately left for another place to sleep."


Too much Jackshit and Rubini fuckery wears away on one's soul.

[Jackstar]

respect for your audience.

Double-blind study. No idea who they are. Also, no one ever showed me what respect looks like when directed where I could see it, other than to exclude me. /shrug

[Master Trollda]

Mein Gott, distill the essence of your art if you have any respect for your audience.

Too much Jackshit and Rubini fuckery wears away on one's soul.

[Laser]

Double-blind study. No idea who they are. Also, no one ever showed me what respect looks like when directed where I could see it, other than to exclude me. /shrug

Use your imagination. Recognize respect when it comes your way and quit whining.

[Jackstar]

Use your imagination. Recognize respect when it comes your way and quit whining.

Yeah... that's exactly what I mean. Tell you what, I'll just agree, I'm not worth all the effort.

Are others still allowed to whine, or will they be disciplined more privately? Asking for a friend.

[Jackstar]

Then, forget all about him, and simply focus on me. You will recall that I never wished the subject brought up, and yet somehow in the mind, I am inextricably linked.

How peculiar. I prefer you. You can actually spell coherently.

[Jackstar]

Use your imagination.

With your Authorization I shall double-down my efforts in such utilizations.


I imagine at some point someone is going to notice that something is different this time around. I'm going to go back to that woo woo memo, which in addition to having a sudden need to start over after two minutes, has a dog violently barking at 8 minutes in, necesssitatng another video pause... look, it's just been one of those days.

So, being quite will help, you say? Well, okay... if you say so... hey, I'll just, like, let you shine on, a'ight? Because I'm picking up a disturbance in The Force.


I have no wish to agitate anyone, or make things worse... or get blamed for everything when the lights go out in Georges, WA. Look, tell you what: I don't feel like pushing back, what's wrong with that? You'll do okay without me, like you always did before.


\o/