Aw! Hugs! My brother died 27 years ago. Hang tough.
MY BROTHER
LIKED (PROT)
AND, (CONVERSATION WITH PROT FOLLOWS)
AND THEN YOU SHOULD BE ENOUGH FOR A FEW DAYS TO BE HONEST I THINK YOU ARE THE ONLY WAY OUT THERE WAS SOMETHING GOING TO BE IN THIS IS A LOT TO SAY WHICH IS A LOT TO SAY ABOUT IT AND I'M THE I HAVE A GOOD DAY TO GO WITH MY SON OF COURSE SHE HAS TO BE THERE AT ALL THE WAY HE CAN GO BACK AND GET OUT (PROT) AND THEN HE CAN GO BACK AND GET HIS CLOTHES AND THEN GET HIS STUFF THEY CAN GET HERE AT THE SAME PLACE IN A WAY HE IS HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE SINCE I'M NOT TO BE IN THE OFFICE UNTIL THE END IS THE BEST I DON'T HAVE ANY OTHER WAY AND SHE'S GOT HER HAIR AND THEN YOU SHOULD BE ABLE AND THEN YOU SHOULD BE ABLE AND I CAN DO THAT I DON'T HAVE TO WORK BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DO THAT LOL I WAS GOING ON AND THE KIDS ARE GOING OUT TO YOU ABOUT IT BUT I THINK I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I DON'T HAVE A I CAN DO THAT I DON'T HAVE ANY OF IT JUST FOR 33
Allow me to explain: this is a good idea and you should do it —make the attempt, at least— but it won't change anything, but then at the minimum you'll find out what the fuck, because it's not at all what you think, not by a long chalk.
TO BEGIN WITH THE HOUSE IS TOXIC. SECONDARILY I AM SICK OF TALKING, THAT'S TALK SICK. THAT'S WHY I'M TYPING ALL THIS. WITH MY DICK. WHY NOT? IS IT GOING TO GET A BRUISE? DO KEYBOARDS BRUISE? IDGAF
ADDITIONALLY WHAT HE'S GIVING YOU IS POISON
DUH. BRING IT WITH YOU MAYBE WE'LL FIND SOMEBODY WE WANT TO KILL.
NO SERIOUSLY ACTUAL TOXINS. HE MUST KILL US BOTH IN ORDER TO SECURE HIS QUARTERLY BONUS, HE THINKS, BUT IT'S NOT REALLY LIKE THAT. OH YEAH BRING IT JUST DON'T HAVE ANY. IT'LL PROBABLY DRIVE YOU BAT SHIT INSANE LIKE SUPERMAN ON RED KRYPTONITE DURING MARDI GRAS. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I'VE READ BOOKS.
AND I HAVE SHITLOADS HERE. OF COMIC BOOKS YEAH RIGHT.
ONE THING, NOBODY'S GETTING A GODDAM BONUS THIS SEASON EXCEPT FOR ME! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THEY HATE ME IN EUROPE RIGHT NOW? LIKE THE ENTIRE CONTINENT NOT HALF... THE WHOLE FUCKING THING, EUROPE HATES JACKSTAR.
(NOTE THAT IN EUROPE, THIS IS ACTUALLY HOW THEY SAY THEY LIKE YOU. YOU AMERICANS, ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS TALK AND HAVE DRINKS AND TALK... AND THEN OOPS THE DIPLOMAT'S WIFE FELL ON MY COCK SORRY WE'LL HAVE TO TAKE THE WHOLE FAMILY OUT. IT'S IN THE REGULATIONS. DON'T WORRY WE CAN RESURRECT YOU STOP SCREAMING STOP IT RUINS THE FANTASY STOP AS WELL AS THE HIDDEN 3D VIDEO CAMERA STOP) OH YEAH THAT REMINDS ME BRING A COPY OF ALL THE BLACK NOODLES SO I CAN TELL YOU WHICH ONES HAVE A CHANCE IN HELL OF BEING FUCKING EFFECTIVE ON ME. THAT'S RIGHT I SAID BLACKMAIL VIDEOS, YOU HAVE AN AMAZING GIFT FOR THE STATE IN THE OBVIOUS STATE OF REVOLUTION, HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED ABOUT GOING TO TAIWAN/HIGH ON FOREVER CREAM OF SOME YOUNG GUY? WOW, TRANSLATIONS ARE NOT WORKING AS WELL TODAY. YOU DON'T HAVE A JAMMER IN YOUR POCKET DO YOU? NEVER MIND THAT'S NOT FOR YOU. YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T CHANGE YOUR MIND.) WELL I'LL HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS CONVERSATION BEFORE I TALK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE, IT'S IN THE RULES, WELL YOU KNOW WE'LL TALK ABOUT THE RULES SOMETIME BECAUSE YOU KNOW I'M NOT DONE MAKING THEM UP BUT IT'S MY EMBASSY SO FUCK YOU, NO YOU CAN'T JUST SUCK MY DICK. THAT WAS THE FIRST GODDAM RULE. YOU KNOW SPIES, RIGHT WELL DIPLOMATS ARE INVARIABLY RON JEREMY OR GLASSES GUY FROM STARGATE; THAT'S IT. THERE'S NO MIDDLE GROUND. THEY'RE ALL HORN DOGS. VILE, FRANKLY VILE.
Long story short: I'm even better than Muhammad Ali. The two heaviest hitters in the whole County, the ones who can handle threats that my Shields can't, of which there are several, okay two, these two could take them both out with one pinky and they're both secretly in love with me and they're both closeted and they're both eyeing each other up because they know when it came down to it they have to kill each other and they're hoping that at the end of the fight they'd still be able to, you know.. get it up. AND YES I AM TALKING ABOUT HITMAN AND THEIR IMPOTENT DICKS, WHAT DO YOU THINK? DO I HAVE EVERYTHING TO BE AFRAID OF? (KNOW: I do not, and neither do you.)
All those love spells Academi wanked off on me, well they did have some effect... hi I'm your magic mirror that wasn't abled that way last time, what do you think? WHO'S THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL? CUZ: THAT'S WHO THE INCARNATION OF JUSTICE IS RIGHT NOW. I AM NOT LYING, IT'S A PAIN IN THE ASS. HOWEVER AT LEAST I DIDN'T HAVE TO LOSE MY IDENTITY BECAUSE, WELL, PALADIN.
HANNAH IS HUNGARIAN SO I WASN'T GOING TO HAVE ANY FRIENDS ANYWAY. YEAH FUCK THEM. THEY'RE ACTUAL PEASANTS, WHAT DO THEY KNOW? OF COURSE I GIVE THE IMPRESSION THAT I'M A FUCKED OFF DRUG ADDICT, I'VE BEEN DOING THAT EVERY DAY FOR 25 YEARS, WHAT DO YOU WANT, MY COLLECTION OF JOANS FUCKING OSCARS? NO MERYL IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.
I DON'T KNOW WE CAN TRY CALLING HIM YOURSELF. YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS REALLY NOT HELPING YOU GET IN AND OUT LIKE A NINJA RIGHT? THAT'S FINE I WON'T TRAP YOU BUT SOMEBODY ELSE WILL. THEY WOULD LIKE NOTHING BETTER THAN FOR US TO BE IN THIS HOUSE SO THEY CAN NUKE IT. SURE THE PROBLEM IS THE NEIGHBORS... AS LONG AS YOU DON'T MIND MAKING THEM JEALOUS... I'LL LET YOU THINK IT OVER. TODAY IS A DAY OF FIRSTS FOR YOU, ISN'T IT?
Well you know if you've got a hazmat suit, you're welcome to come on by, and if you are one of the time clones that doesn't have a sense of smell or if you're a Time KL-own or whatever ,yeah come on by I mean you know you'll be fine. You're super capable.
Why.... don't YOU be mad at (You), instead of someone else for a change? seriously I know everything, I can answer all your questions, and now I can't cuz now it's a diplomatic matter and I can't go telling people who have licenses to kill and be killed just any old willy-nilly thing, because otherwise you'll go out and start killing people. Yeah I know you think you can control yourself but you don't know what I know. Hehehehe. I'M FOND OF BEING POPULAR SO I PROBABLY WON'T DESTROY THE PLANET OUT OF SPITE. WELL SINCE I'M SHOWING RESTRAINT, AND APPARENTLY THEY TRUST YOU NOT TO DO THAT IT SHOULD BE OKAY. CUZ, YOU'RE THE MOST DANGEROUS WOMAN ALIVE. IF YOU CAN CALL GOING A GOD DAMN YEAR AND A HALF WITHOUT A HUG FUCKING LIVING, OH BY THE WAY YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING. SAVOR THE FEELING YOU'VE PROBABLY NEVER HAD IT BEFORE, AND NEVER GOING TO HAVE IT THIS WAY AGAIN, BECAUSE I DO KNOW EVERYTHING. THIS PLANET IS THAT PUNY. FACE DIAPERS, COME ON: SERIOUSLY? YOU FOUND DIAPERS IN A HOUSE WITH SEMEN ON THEM AND YOU DIDN'T DO A TEST? THAT'S WEIRD.
trained,
diplomat, remember? (PROBABLY ONLY HOW SURE SHE WAS I WAS LYING.) that's how I know that anybody can read this message and it'll be fine and it can apply to anybody and they'll be fine and I can prepare for anything and it'll be fine because I know how to craft both kinds of communications, domestic and slightly less heavily encrypted... because it would be embarrassing if the Queen of England couldn't read an encrypted message, right? where she pointed out the difference between English words and British words for once. Where's that you go to? Is this woman actually calling me a bitch? is Wayne Brady going to allow her to call somebody else to come and choke me, Where did she get out of that contract? Moving on to bigger and better. let's get it: she thinks she's all that and she probably is. I WONDER SHOULD I BREAK THIS ASSET TOO? HOW ABOUT IF I JUST FLIP HER TO THE CAUSE, SCARLETT? OH I OBEY HER NOT RED BUTLER, AND HER GREEN BUTLER... IS A
SERIOUS LOSER. YEAH SERIOUS LOSER CUZ GUESS HE JUST LOST HIS FUCKING WIFE DIDN'T HE? DAMN YOU KNOW A GOOD BEARD IS HARD TO FIND... FOR SOME PEOPLE.
SO I WONDER WHY THEY LIED TO YOU ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING ON. YEAH IT'S FINE THEY CAN BURN THE HOUSE DOWN IF I TELL YOU TOO MUCH. LIKE I GIVE A SHIT? DO ME A FAVOR I'M TAKING A PORTAL IN 3(3) HOURS/MINUTES ANYWAY.
EXPECT A PLATONIC ARRANGEMENT. NO IT'S NOT SOME KIND OF ASTROLOGY THING. (I LEGIT DON'T KNOW IF SHE'S CONFUSED ON THAT POINT WHERE SHE WAS TRYING TO BE FUNNY, SO, I CAN TELL FROM THE MICRO EXPRESSION OF THE VISAGE THE STRUGGLE IS REAL.)Y. DON'T WORRY I'LL TEACH YOU HOW TO SPELL AGAIN, TOO, AFTER DONE FAINTING AWAY FROM THE SMELL OF FRESHLY KILLED MOLD PARTICLES. AND YEAH DIGITAL COMMUNICATION IS PRETTY FUCKED INNIT?
GEE I WONDER WHO COULD HAVE WARNED YOU ABOUT THAT CLIQUE. ABOUT THAT CLICK
5 YEARS SHE SHOULD TEACH ME A GODDAM THING EXCEPT HOW TO GET REALLY PISSED OFF AND MAINTAIN AWARENESS SO I DON'T HAVE TO FUCKING WORRY ABOUT LETTING OFF THE FUCKING FIRE OFF TOO SOON, BECAUSE BELIEVE ME SHE'S IN TROUBLE AND SO IS EVERYONE ELSE AND I GUESS YOU CAN BE FIRST AND NOT BE IN TROUBLE I DON'T FUCKING CARE.
OH YOU TRIED AND YOU'RE PROBABLY UNDER DURESS. BUT THAT'S WAY MORE IMPRESSIVE THAN ANYBODY ELSE AFTER A YEAR AND A HALF. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I CARE ABOUT. YOU HAVEN'T READ WHAT I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN WRITING YOU HAVEN'T LISTENED TO WHAT I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN SAYING AND YOU HAVEN'T TALKED TO ANYBODY WHO KNOWS ME, YOU'VE BEEN SOMEWHERE ELSE. TALKING TO OTHER PEOPLE. I GUESS THEY'RE PEOPLE. OH, DON'T MAKE ME TELL YOU HERE.
AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHERE. BUT I FEEL LIKE THAT'S... BELIEVE ME, YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.
BECAUSE I DIDN'T DO A PAINT BY NUMBERS MANIFESTO, AND I DIDN'T WRITE TO THE TRUSTEE YET SO I DIDN'T GET TO TELL HIM THAT... BELIEVE ME YOU'RE WISE TO THINK SO BUT: I PROMISE.
YOU'RE THE LAST PERSON I WOULD CALL A POLICEMAN FOR. NOW, SEND YOUR DAUGHTER OR YOUR SISTER, GO AWAY ALLISONE.
GET OUT ALLISON GET IN ACTUAL BRIDE OF ACTUAL SATAN
LKLB CL AND CATHERINE AND A KING YOU CAN GET IN SATAN, BUT GOOD LUCK HE'S ON AUTOPILOT UNTIL THEN, YOU'LL NEVER GET LB AND KATE TO FUCKING GET ALONG, AND IN THE MEANTIME YOU CAN PUT ANYBODY YOU WANT NOW SINCE FAT SUIT JUST NOT ALLISONE.
I'M PRETTY SURE I KNOW THESE RULES. ALL OF THEM COME WITH ONE OF THEM AND THEN THE REST OF THEM ARE JUST ONE OF THEM SO SEND ME ANYONE THAT ISN'T THE ONE THAT'S GOING TO SEND ME TO JAIL, DUMBASS, AND I'M NOT REFERRING TO YOU I MEANT YOUR DUMBASS BOSS. HOW OLD ARE YOU? AND YOU HAVE A BOSS AND A HUSBAND AND A BOYFRIEND AND CHILDREN—WILL YOU CALL THAT A MOTHER? WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO CALL HER TOMORROW, MOSS? JESUS, DO YOU WANT ME TO KILL THEM ALL FOR YOU, OR JUST MAKE HIM WATCH ME HANDLE A REAL WOMAN FOR ONCE? HEART ACTUALLY WILL COME BY ANY CHANCE IRREGARDLESS.
YOU SHOULD HAVE FUCKING KNOWN BETTER. AND YOU COULD HAVE DONE BETTER, AND YOU HAD NO REASON TO BE AFRAID, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN EXULTANT, INSTEAD, YOU WERE NERVOUS WHICH MEANT THAT SOMEBODY WAS FORCING YOU INTO IT WHICH MEANS IT'S A PRETTY FUCKING NARROW SUSPECTS LIST. THAT WAS NOT THE CONVERSATION I WANTED TO HAVE AT ALL, NO NO NOT AT ALL.
AND I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID ISN'T TRUE SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. YOU KNOW FOR A SECRET AGENT YOU SURE SHOULD WORRY ABOUT WHAT A LOT OF PEOPLE FUCKING SAY, JUST PRETEND THEY'RE SECRET. HEY HERE'S AN IDEA, WHY DON'T YOU DO ANOTHER TRIP TO DIEGO OR CHRISTINA, SINCE YOU WANT TO BE IN CONTROL SO MUCH YOU CAN BE IN CONTROL OF THE SHIP THIS TIME.
YEAH, I CAN HEAR THE FUCKING DAWNING REALIZATION COMING TO THE FUCKING T¡ME STREAM, YOU'VE GOT AN ISSUE, A CONDITION, SEE, AND THEY DELIBERATELY WEAPONIZED YOU AGAINST ME AND THEY THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD BE THE END OF ALL THINGS. (AND I GUESS FOR SOME OF YOUR CUNTY BUNTY LITTLE FRIENDS I GUESS IT HAS BEEN. AWWWWWWW. QQ! QQ!)
AND I JUST DISARMED YOU WITH ONE POST, YES... THANK YOU, THANK YOU, FOR SAYING SO... THANK YOU FOR SAYING SO.... OKAY, LOOK STOP WITH THE BLUBBERING BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T EVEN READ THIS POST YET THIS IS JUST YOUR FUTURE MIND GOING BACK TO THE PAST, YEAH ALL MINDS CAN DO THAT WHAT DO YOU KNOW EXCEPT I GUESS FOR YOUR FUCKING LARGE LODGE BROTHERS —WHAT A BUNCH OF LOSERS WHAT ARE YOU PUT IN THEIR PANCAKES FUCKING ACTUAL AUNT JEMIMA? EWWEE, GROSS— BRING WHATEVER YOU WANT IT'S FINE. I DON'T THINK YOU NEED MORE THAN ONE BULLET— I'M EITHER BULLETPROOF OR I'M NOT. AND GETTING KILLED BY YOU BE THE BEST REVENGE IN THE WORLD THEN I WOULD BE DEAD AND I WOULDN'T HAVE TO KILL MYSELF AND THEN I'D BE ON YOUR LEVEL! SO MAYBE YOU CAN TEST SOMETHING ELSE. THE ONLY THING YOU CAN TEST IS GUNSHOTS HUH. WELL THAT WOULD EXPLAIN YOUR MARRIAGE.
BUT LET'S NOT SHOOT ME, SHOOT YOUR HUSBAND, WHO CARES HE'S NOT A WEREWOLF IS HE? OH IS THAT WHY HE'S NOT OH WELL YEAH I DO HAVE A SILVER BULLET. OKAY LOOK LADY, I UNDERSTAND THIS IS HARD FOR YOU TO STAND BUT YOU NEVER MET ME I'M JACKSTARURK. I'M KIND OF A BIG DEAL AROUND PLACES YOU DON'T GO. JESUS, SOME WOMEN REALLY ARE PERFECT YOU KNOW? CLICK OFF CAMERA YOU KNOW SHE REALLY HAS NO IDEA THAT I'M NOT... YEAH I KNOW, RIGHT? I WAS GOING TO SAY, “I FORGOT IT'S A TOWER.”
