Your accomplishments? And Oh, how selectively subjective those must be for you, yes?
#1) Accomplishment: I enabled the rescue of Kayla Mueller. (Obviously, I had help. You're welcome.)
#2) Accomplishment: I rescued the enabler of Kayla Mueller. (Dear Stupid Pussy Bitch: I'm gonna totes "molest" your daughter. And, here's why: it would have been possible to rescue these people in other ways, but your twerp (blank) thought it would be more fun to make a friend of mine suffer. (Arguably it was. She's a bit of an asshole. Still I did not enjoy hearing all the goddam whining, and hey, here's an idea: next time, just wait 90 days before demanding oral sex. It might make quite a difference, you screeching harpy hoor.) Now, she seems to have gotten over it--I have not. For one thing, she seems like she's carrying quite chip on her shoulder about something. (She should probably just, you know. Move alone. Just stop thinking about it, whatever it is. Unless it's some other hoor who owes her money. Then I guess it's a matter for Collections.) Now, this is really all water under the bridge, but I would like to point out: I don't want Kayla Mueller to give me a hug. No, no. I heard she has Hep C. Eewww, gross. I don't want a hug from her. Look, it might have been awhile, scratch that, it HAS been awhile. I still have standards. I know *exactly* who I want to hug me. I know *exactly* who I want to suck me off, AND I know exactly who I *might* want to peg me. And, I'm not gonna lie, Hep C or not, Kayla Mueller looks like she would be willing to check off all those boxes, like, all at once. IN TWO HOURS. IT COULD BE TONIGHT! I'm kinda getting dizzy here. That would be a huge timesaver. I thought it would take weeks just to find the body doubles required to ensure that absolutely no one would ever find out who let me get a hug from someone who might have Hep C, but definitely has mononucleois that presented with Abilify-related complicastions.
#3) Accomplishment: I somehow warned some of you not to move away to Certain_Select parts of Florida. (Florida sucks, Kids: not gonna lie.)
#4) Accomplishment: Evaded a crippling opioid addiction by back-engineering varencline and adding its bupo-like efficacy to the personal profile of my psychokinetic shielding. (This reason alone was worth the extra 2 years spent in development Hell. You're welcome, Humanity.)
#5) Accomplishment: Solidified the protections against U.S. cigarettes additives by continuing to eschew cigarette use (an occasional puff/pack in this case has been under 6 a year. calling it for the win) and have respected the Guardians of Nigger Tortoise Island by continuing to Hoover up pharmaceutical grade nicotine salts with a hand-held vaper unit (nicotine isolated alone has tremendous health benefits) and after several years of this, the physical addiction relapse trigger appears to be eliminated from the Hue-HUN genomic register. (If you're not Hungarian, well... you're probably an asshole anyway, TBQH.)
#6) Accomplishment: Slow-walked the exorcism of Yorkshire Pud by disabling the auto-rejoin feature that used to accompany every iteration of "The Inner Reach Sour Cream TO THE (TOP\UP/MOON) Hour" and by so doing, made Our Realm a much more pleasant place for all of Life to incarnate in. (Confirmed: another Aspect of IR's (iMAT's-RICK's) is also decidedly more pleasant to receive telephonic messages from than in previous years, that's for damn sure. I wasn't sure why--I figured perhaps someone finally got around to suckin' on his Big Texan Wanger, and blessedly, it wasn't me.) Now, I know this does sound a little weird--it does to me too, I just found out about this one about five minutes ago--but I can tell already that the results are going to be well-worth all the trouble I went to for the last two years. (Do you know how tediously difficult it is two just loaf around the house for nearly two years doing nothing but swilling craft beers and talking mad shit on YouTube without giving into certain_Select_temptations? You have NO IDEA, Punylings. I encountered this unbelievably hot-ass superfine woman a couple months ago, you dig? Basically an entirely new version of this old battleaxe toteslezz that I used to be close friends with a few years ago (hi sweetyMIX) and Chefist's either, new ex-wife {whore.} or his previous ex-wife (listen bitch, next time I say "what the fuck are you doing?" do not act like I am some retarded faggot you can ignore just because you're fuckin' mortified that you *almost* got busted for Entrapment. {You
*were* beyond busted, Retard.
You're weck-come.} What, would you have preferred waiting around to be exonerated @Trial? Trust meaT on that one... you would not have been happy about the time it would have taken out of your Prime teatslingin' years, not to mention... well let's just say you would have had to have ended up sucking down a lot more cock-6-six duty than merely, last I heard, None/Ex1tra|t-DeltaT}, or his soon to be ex-wife {(PROT-MER), I have good news for you and I have terrible news for you, and both of them sound something like this: "SweetyMAX, looks like you are not going to have to learn to suck your old husband's new cock, and that gun you like is going to come back into style."} Also, and this just in: Chefist is not going to have to learn to accept being ass-raped immediately upon entering prison, but he might have to learn how to knit sooner than he was planning.
(Vengeance for J-MOW/K-MOS.)
#7) Accomplishment: Single-handedly smashed the Northern baby/toddler trafficking depot up in (PROT-Clas.-in-Ville) without having to ruin my old tits or let them go to waste. (Now, this may not seem like a big deal to any of you, however, they are nice enough that I would have preferred to not let them go to any waste, and, as a {stay-at-SNO[my mommy's Trust's lawyer's house]-y-(R)-Burial'n'Battle-gGj.s.a.c.ROUNDONEFIGHT]-ISH-elsh M.O.M.\Mother_Actual}, I must say that I certainly appreciated the flexibility afforded to me by participation in Mr. Presi{fem}dent M. Trump's Operation: LAYz-i(DEE-Just-ICE)-4-duhjgeED(eye)I-pee-pee-EYE, because I absolutely will not lie about the following: it was nice to NOT have to BOTH give up my first born child for mandatory service in the military OR to suddenly, unexpectedly find out I was gonna have to give up my first born child for mandatory service in Melania's Madass Muthafuckin' (Muth-Milly/mu.mil.spec.heifer.E) CowNOThoor Co., which I am sure was to have been a not very popular Policy for Grapefruits' #1 Bastard Firstbornbybitch Golden Island Nig-Sun(NIG-NIG-Blo-BOY) and would have absolutely not have happened AT.ALL in my experience, since there was no.fucking.way that Brig and I would have both a) agreed to breed another Hellboy (I think we can all agree that nine would have been enough) & b) having already verified that I do in fact breed with what's-her-face in the future, I am glad I do not have to either kidnap the offspring I one day have with (PROT-ty) or have an exceptionally unpleasant conversation about how sending lil'J.A.*star to boarding school is going to be rather more expensive than I thought any boarding school could ever get, as well as, one that lil'J.A.*star's mom2b (PROT, obviously, lol, no don't tell her, roflmao) is going to be either relieved or happy there won't be a public transportation option available for... ever. Now, I don't know her that well yet, and I wasn't sure I was ever gonna get to, you dig? As I met my daughter already--she is obviously, going to have turned out to not really be "adopted" and seems likely gonna specialize in something other than cheerleading, animal husbandry, and/or dressage--and I was horrified to learn that "we can't fuck" was only the beginning of a long list of drawbacks one must deal with when one's bastard ginreg(GER)nig(HUN)red-D.O.G. shows up at your house and says, "Hello, Dad? I'm in JAIL (in the future)! Can I borrow your seaman's truck?" Obviously, she could borrow anything at all, including my midshipman's next left testicle to drop, as this was Daughter_Actual, you dig? So I am pretty sure I would give her the clothes off my back as well as, perhaps... I'm not sure if it is done this way, but either more than 51% of one (1) undescended testicle, or, more than 3 drops of my baby-batter, POSSIBLY both, TBQH I am not sure how this "go back into the past, sire a bastard, return to the future, meet your full grown offspring" shit actually works. But, that
does happen, yo. It
actually does. (We make a decent child, (PROT). Don't make a bigger deal out of it than it needs to be. She doesn't need that, and neither do I.) Now I suppose if it were absolutely MANDATORY, I would give up a whole testicle, right? Like, if I had absolute proof that my daughter needs to take ONE (1) WHOLE FAM(jewel) back to the future with her, say, in order to secure the survival of the Human species, I could support the creation of an Angry Hung Planet (as long as future taxonomists don't mislabel my lineage as "wop, spic, or other." And if we are talking A WHOLE BALL, it would have to be, you know, STRICTLY for the purposes of rewriting & overwriting the whole planet's DNA sequencing for all male drones. There's not just a lot of semen in an actual Magyar teste (packed with Angry Seamen, Hungship Looli-soDAH would really satisfy... but I'm not sure about the name yet, as this is still a theoretical invasion plan; no one has actually asked me for one of my gonads. Yet. (Face it, Bellgab, as a matter of time, requests to "borrow" one of my testes will one day power the whole of the economy of Certain_Select island nations), if it came right down to it, in order to ensure her own survival, I would be happy indeed to agree to any future request by my future offspring for a takeaway-Do.gE.Bag containing up to as many as, I have thought this over now, FIVE (5) individual spermatozae, net [...] and then, uh, oh damn, my dilithium chamber just collapsed the stable wormhole. I'll fix it later. I'm not in the mood. I have a headache. I haven't had my cup of shampoo today and my hare is having a hard time teaching the carrots to inject Rogaine at the right dosage. Hey, here's an idea? Maybe I'll invent a way to splice carrots into the Holodeck Mapping Project instead of just leaving them on the barbershop floor.
#8) Accomplishment: I collected the bounty on the last Space Pirate that was hiding out in a NES left in a cardboard box under a filing cabinet that was shipped to (PROT) last week; it managed to ignore every other Gunter Herman except mine (won that barbet, too, *cheer*) and I guess my house's Shields are even more effective than I thought they were, since... well, "Space Pirates check in, but they can't beam out" was my first pick for the name of the garage here anyway.
Bwahahahahaaaa... Good one, Jacko.😂
pud--you are pud, don't deny it--I'm not sure which one you're referring to, but suffice to say... I am content with my list of accomplishments... for now. My vision kinda grayed out when I lost my Portuguese Medal of Honor, because it's not fake. I am big in Portugal. They think I am a righteous dude.
They are goddam right.
Dude, you're like a retard in a Marvel costume bragging about superpowers an actual slightly more retarded person is better at than you.
tl;DRS: use it from Source and skipped afreee ga
That's my new dazzle camo plug-in for stealth mode. Development work on my various implementations of psychokinetic shielding has been ongoing for the entire span of time I've been stuck here, waiting (patiently, mind you) for, uh... well, look.
It doesn't predict the future and then alter the shield's resonance frequency to compensate for those mortal threats that do not present a standard "Risk of Death Acceptability Quotient," justin_case something gets through and, you know, kills me. (*[/urk!]*sputch*safeFLATLINElineFAIL <...>, and then I was gonna have it contact Priceline over HTTP to make a NameYourOwnPrice function call to automatically secure the best possible price for an AutoInstaRes... but, number one, I got bored waiting for my pizza rolls to cool off, so I could eat them, and I couldn't stay awake long enough for at least one pizza roll to cool off enough so I could eat one, and, thus, experience just a tiny little bit of excitement and/or existential happiness. Just for a moment would have been enough. I had plenty of speed--happiness is having a low tolerance to spell components that everyone else needs gallons of, I guess--but I didn't have enough personal satisfaction and self-confidence at the time to self-initiate another Federal investigation, plausibly at any rate. So, with my vision already gray and heading into the black, with no other choices available than risking the consumption of an improperly-cooled pizza roll or being wracked with the existential guilt and eternal torment of using amphetamines again (I was so hungry that I totally spaced out and didn't recall that I could, like, just ask Jesus if it would be okay, lol) I figured to save time and get the damn thing working well enough to qualify for a new round of sea-trials... I set it all up so then when I die, local space in a 33m radius is simply translated/teleported to any nearby [...] and, that's why the U.S. Military is genuinely happy that I'm a honest, loyal, hard-working citizen of its and this grand Republic.
They've known me form top to bottom, stem to stern, from my glistening anus to the stalactite-like snot-sicles that are a constant drip drip drip... based on, well, factors. How much black mold in my church today? Ugh just ugh.
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8e9uPer/
Such a busy post. Something for everyone! Are you a QUIZZARD?
(Other than the baby dick thing... That's all you, bruh.)
It was my picture, of myself, I owned the rights, I censored it, I thought it would be a-10, but, let's face it: you so triggered that you can't go back in time and rape my baby flesh... well, I understand. I haven't posted it since. I am not interested in enabling anyone, and I honestly didn't know it would be doing that.
I'm not sure what you mean by "that's all you" and "bruh." Do you get that you are not exactly showing yourself off as "non-perverted"? How many years ago was that? What goddam site was it? why the sudden concern about toddlerflesh? "That's all you." I don't think so. So, you get for fair play, what here?
You don't think I feel embarassment about taunting and mocking you, do you? See, since you're an artificial life form, i.e. "a robo-responder run by a mockable Texas perv," you should consider how amusing it always to me when you fixate on my plump, juicy babyflesh.
Those rosy, bubbled checks. That complete at total lack of any plausibility.
#Congrats
Enjoy your upcoming perversion. btw: you should care about yourself more. I won't need you saltier.
Tell me, for I am now suddenly intensive.
