just snap out of passive-aggressiveism
I did, not long after the last time you called, which I still am blinking cheerfully, I was drunk, your dad was dead, what, just that minute? And you're crying... to me? I'm a fatherfigure? I'm anyone you know? I never talked to you avbout it, you fucking traumatized me, you call for nothing reasons and talk about nothing and nothing means anytghng and then you'ld tell me avbout some guy and then you'd laugh and then you would hang up nad that would be it. You didnt' care about my complete lack of understanding. Something you wanted, it's not like I stopped you, I didn't undertand, you don;t get it, it's myu fault. Then, your dad is dead, waaah, I'm your hew dad? What? I knew it was just your usual best friend was not there, or you misdialed, or you just wanted to abuse my eardrums, you never even put your arms around me again atter finding out whatever and kicking me gone while pretending to be "friends" hey guess what, firends explain shit. And so you dad is dead. So? That's how I feel every day, I don't remember ever talking to you more than ten minutes, and after you told me that I didn't measure up to an unknown standard and decided to punish me for it, you know what, fuck that. I'm still feleling you give up over nothing. I never hated you for being gay, you let these notions stand, and I have no real contact with you because you never put more effort into me than a person would a frozen burrito. We go from my only _ONLY_ hug-partner in my fucking life and in an instant you're sizing up other guys. I've let you down. I STILL DO NOT KNOW WHAT. Oh, so now I msupposed to comfort you, well, i would, however, i flat out don't believe you called me when your dad died I think you just made it the fuck up because that is the only thing you ever did with me, I can't beleive what you said, nor what you're doing, in fact, lol oh hi, well, I had forgotten just how loathed I was up here, I'll try not to come back again, so anyway, nothing between us ever amounted to anything, after taling to the same six dudes who all totesfuckin hate me one by one. Why? Get serious. And obviously thers' not appeal here for you. Okay. I love you, and I can barely imagine a twinge of feeling to read this. Like, I don't have to make a big thing of it. It's not a major goal, it's that, oh, this was unpossible, now, it could be, oh, well, not with these losers. I can't realy see how they appeal with their miserable attitudes and boorish good charm. Like, I'm here, they wanna make sure I feel bad right away, huh. Great, I hope they can get you to, or maybe they just like leaning on lanky thugs. Anyway, yay. I am NOT interested. You're not, so why would I be? I have no way of knowing you, get to know you, I'm surrounded by how many wankers who hate me? like 6. So obviously that is not what I am here for but I never was here for that and I think when someone loves you and they never have and don't need to, in order to love you, I hope that feels okay. I don't know what your problem is, dopeslave, but if my company offers nothing I just won't bother. And I am so hurt and said by the absolte lockdown idea. Didn't expect an invitation, but also didn't expect fear and loathing. It would seem no one believes me when I say, I care, I came to say hello. Okay, well, I am totesbeyondalone, and I am glad all your other friends made another word for you, you know, no one told me, I thoguht you were dead or lost and obvviously I would not be liked next to you, I guess.
I've fucking had it. It's not that it's so bad, it's so automatic. Now, that's neighborly. I don't know what but I know I never want to feel it again. Scorn, derision, hostility, and vicious loathing hatred.
It's actually that bad. I am sad I don't know what of anything, I can't imagine pursuit of another greeting like this.
I wish I had known I made an endangered species extinct. I would have planeted a flag. this is a horror. I mean, it's not like I was expecting thrown rice. I just want to weep to get away, I feel just steaming burning hatred. What did I do to this woman?
Forced her to admit she only cared for prime seed. I didn't trust her, what she was up to, wouldn't explain just made bad feelings.
just snap out of passive-aggressiveism
I doubt you are actually this dim. when I started using tower and totes, I didn't know where you were, what you were doing, how you remembered me, anything at all. I had no way to find you, and I needed to have a reliable check on what I was doing ... no one talked to me, no one was pleasant, or cheerful. Hatred! I felt nothing but sad tidings and endless sighing and ennui. And when I could find ways to use the T, especially in a phrase where they all start, I felt so cheerful. I felt close to you at all, and, well, I guess you dont write now? but I loved it, and I love you. totes tally. Fuck it. I feel like I'm going to cry when I think of anything cute, because you have no soul for my heart, I don't know why.
It's really depressing dealing with you, I can't understand how you don't see it, you treat me badly liek I don't care and just let it go.
I came to find you in typing because I thought we appreciated each other and I see nothing of the kind and, uhnm, sure! go on!
i would rather have a different associationship and i never get any contact like that from you. I don't know who that contact might come from.
Whatever happiness you felt for me never picks up, you called me once and said "wiggling my eyebrows" and I just blanked it and never called again... because you never picked up or interacted. never. I don't blame you. I couldn't do shit, and didn't know why, and you gave me zero hope.
then I found the problem and immediately thought of you and found... zero hope. right
I don't get how it isn't nice to hold each other, but I guess it's a robot thing. Besides, life is too short to hug robots. And that is all there has ever been, I guess, and that doesnt' hold your interest. In reality you have guys who keep you to temselves somehow.
I still don't understand why you ever picked me, and why it was sad that you expected virgin seed... look, none of this is or was or could ever be fair. Which is the way I gather y'all want.
Now, having pointed all that out, I really never need to again, I don't know who you're into but not me and honestly I'd just as soon give up
how hard is friendship oh well when I remember distinct fondness and then boring grunts and lack of dialogue.
All this is fine and dandy. I could explore lots of pursuits with someone who.. exists? I am about to just fall over and die.
Not once, ever out in a whatever school this is. in any event, everyone is sad. Time to move on. I guess it would be to your preference that you talk to eveyrone but me, sure, I can see that happening. It just makes me feel nothign but grief to see that the sole sign of suceessful progress... except for the people you like to like you. I'm not even sure who I am talking to. Why am I bothering?
just snap out of passive-aggressiveism
DO YOU APPRECIATE THIS GIFT
IT IS THE GIFT OF INSIGHT: SHE'S SUPER-PASSIVE AGRESSIVE AS A DOMINATION STATEMENT,
I'm not being aggressive at all, I came to visit, I sense no greetings, I just don't get it. Why we bother? We aren't friendly and you routinely ignore and scoff at me.
Look it must be okay for something. I've been alone for months and before that they made it up beacuse....I should just cry.
I can't accept that this is much more than a cold blow off, I can be more friendly.... I am never sought for, so I suppose I shall go find more interest, or any. Is there something I am missing here, in that I have let you down or something? You know, it just seems like you want me confused and drifting apart. This is not any kind of feeling of togetherness, and this is just trash to you. You don't really even know who I am.
I only remember when you told me devaluing statements, and if that is the extent, I don't know if there's any meaningful connection here. I don't know why I thought of any such... like this happens eerie time, I drive to a bookshelf, and there's' some notes, and that's about it.
I was looking forward to new interactions with you someplace interactive and I see it: you'd rather be in carbonite. sure okay, must be a great reason that counts, and how interesting could I be, et cetera.
your letters to me are filled with thinly veiled hatred and disgust and I honestly do not know what happened, i don't know why that can't be figured out, and I'd really rather right to a girl if I were gonna. Who the hell am I writing to here? Well, they're history too.
THIS IS NOT THE PLACE FOR THIS. And it would seem that you don't do that with me, okay.
Also I think not so much of you throwing me in front of your menleague, I just do not feel anything but scorn.
Also, inspite of ample chance, I have completely lost any thread of conversation with you and you seem okay with that. I know I used to love you all the way and the time and now I think of myself being sprayed with mud when I am thought of.
Well that must have been some embarrassment. For example, I am about to moderately embarrassed: I know you're not going to tell me, there's not point. I don't know how to tell you anything, it's always so final when you stop talking forever. I would like to grow and understand and I don't get that.
DO YOU ... HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING OF THIS? I dont know what is going on and I odn't know what to do, assuming you are not even alive and aware of me now? Shrug.
I supoose this has something to do with the way someone made the wrong assumption when I said anything. One false move, pretty harsh. In any event, I don't trust this, it seems exactly like boxcars off to the east.
There is no narrative flow available, and even the reason I am here is of question. I am sick of this kind of place, it feels like where people out of balance go to die. Jesus! How fucking downer is that! Maybe someone can call it a junky some.
