Arbitrary, idiotic things on your mind. Post 'em.

[pate]

This is freaking awesome:



Long may it last...

Sorry, MethStar, I don't think there is a similar stream for H.R. Puff 'n Stuff.

Fuck Øbama

&

[Jackstar]

Sorry, MethStar

Nope. It's the other one. (Standards.) My name is Jack, and I am a star.

My life has begun to become perfectly manageable due to my ceaseless addiction to DupaD∞pSupaDup′®™ dD—🅿️🅿️⛎®™ Deligh™. (“I always leave Home without ¡†•” — Anonymous Targeted Individual.) Halp! Halp!

I've fallen—but I am not now, nor have I ever been, an Angel. (If elected I will not serve. If nominated, you already know I'll run. Badly.) Still—be of good cheer!

Things probably can't get any worse... today. j∆f⁵:5

[Lazarus]

If you believe it is wrong to do drugs, then it is wrong for you.

Renaissance depiction of Silenus in Greek Mythology: The Wise Drunk Who Taught God Dionysus. under the influence.



Lil Nas X getting in good from behind.

[Jackstar]

under the influence.

For my own part, I am as sober as a judge and twice as swingμ.

[pate]

Doc,

  Buddy, I need your open-onion on which epithet is more damning: faggot or nigger?>

  I think we both agree that 'communist' is one that even Jay-sus would use for a piggy before sending it over the cliff...

  My gut (not to be kahn-fused with the GUCT) tells me the korreckt answer, but I feel I should hear what your gut says before 'pulling the trigger' on the level of damnation associated betwixt the two.

  TIA

Fuck Øbama

&

[pate]

K_Dubb, Attend:

https://moonbattery.com/gay-diarrhea-is-spreading-rapidly/

I hope you are keeping your TP well stocked!

Also, from that article I learned a new acronym to add to the "LGDPTQ+" thing: apparently we can now say LGDPTQ+GBMSM;  I think that makes the whole she-bang quite a bit clearer, n'est pas?

The article states that this epidemic was only observed in the UK;  however from looking at the titles of the last few posts (on the board in general, not this specific thread) of 'GAY DIARRHEA' & their authorship :  I suspect this plague might be in your neck of the woods now...

Be safe, my old fiend!


Fuck Øbama

&

[Jackstar]

I hope you are keeping your TP well stocked!

This virtue signaling is hackneyed trash coming from you. In this dicey political climate? You musr have been actually high. Perhaps you inhaled instead of tapping up on IV 5-0 SafeMeth™? (I know all about it and I have no information on how your logistics were COMP’d; but I can say that you're all looking better now. Donut call me if you get in a mess again; you Oinkerton schweinhundz are not my area of concern.

Since Allison has been replaced by D.Ⓜ️.Ⓜ️. (Congratulations on nurturing your corporate culture by promoting from within!), I'm going to assume that it was intended for me to not know the difference. That's totes ‘dorbs’, the way all of all y'all pretend that a) PaladinVision™ isn't real, b) I have any reason to protect what remains of your secrets, and c) that I give a single ripe wet shit about your opinions, Bellgab D.R.A.M.A. Community. I can assure you that even if I couldn't pick up on the vibes, I know that you're all big supporters of the current Condition Of Global Shunning. NGL, it's been growing on me as well. But I digress.

I'm going to verify that my other friend is still alive, or whatever one might call it, later. Truth be told, it was literally traumatic for me, and someone must have miscalculated how far Certain People can be repeatedly pushed, that's for sure. (May Twentieth and May Twenty-Sixrh and July Twenty-Second and July Twenty-Fifth are all bad daya to spawn a dybbuk. Just sayin’.) I'll simply point out that Jim and Kelly have rarely performed so well as they have lately; no Hunt of any bias at all; and I'm hardly feeling any ill-will on my end about this whole thing.

I'm sure all of you would appreciate it if I would just shut up and go away, but to be quite honest, I need to know if I'm supposed to swear a blood oath of vengeance just so I can cancel it, in order to maintain my street cred — or if I'm supposed to wait for my færie godmother to turn the rodents here into wrenchers to repair and maintain the three (3) abandoned vehicles you've saddled me here with, Bro. Officer Bro.

We don't have to make this weird; you already did, but that's your modus operundi. For the most part, it works brilliantly. However, YOUR HOSTAGE KEEPS CALLING ME ASKING FOR MONEY AND SEX AND IS THEN NEVER HEARD FROM FOR ROUGHLY 2 WEEKS, BECAUSE AFTER THAT I END UP GETTING A SUCCESSION OF SPOOFED SPOOKY POOFS PRETENDING TO HATE ME. (Classy.)

[Jackstar]

This virtue signaling is hackneyed trash coming from you. In this dicey political climate? You musr have been actually high. Perhaps you inhaled instead of tapping up on IV 5-0 SafeMeth™? (I know all about it and I have no information on how your logistics were COMP’d; but I can say that you're all looking better now. Donut call me if you get in a mess again; you Oinkerton schweinhundz are not my area of concern.

Since Allison has been replaced by D.Ⓜ️.Ⓜ️. (Congratulations on nurturing your corporate culture by promoting from within!), I'm going to assume that it was intended for me to not know the difference. That's totes ‘dorbs’, the way all of all y'all pretend that a) PaladinVision™ isn't real, b) I have any reason to protect what remains of your secrets, and c) that I give a single ripe wet shit about your opinions, Bellgab D.R.A.M.A. Community. I can assure you that even if I couldn't pick up on the vibes, I know that you're all big supporters of the current Condition Of Global Shunning. NGL, it's been growing on me as well. But I digress.

I'm going to verify that my other friend is still alive, or whatever one might call it, later. Truth be told, it was literally traumatic for me, and someone must have miscalculated how far Certain People can be repeatedly pushed, that's for sure. (May Twentieth and May Twenty-Sixrh and July Twenty-Second and July Twenty-Fifth are all bad daya to spawn a dybbuk. Just sayin’.) I'll simply point out that Jim and Kelly have rarely performed so well as they have lately; no Hunt of any bias at all; and I'm hardly feeling any ill-will on my end about this whole thing.

I'm sure all of you would appreciate it if I would just shut up and go away, but to be quite honest, I need to know if I'm supposed to swear a blood oath of vengeance just so I can cancel it, in order to maintain my street cred — or if I'm supposed to wait for my færie godmother to turn the rodents here into wrenchers to repair and maintain the three (3) abandoned vehicles you've saddled me here with, Bro. Officer Bro.

We don't have to make this weird; you already did, but that's your modus operundi. For the most part, it works brilliantly. However, YOUR HOSTAGE KEEPS CALLING ME ASKING FOR MONEY AND SEX AND IS THEN NEVER HEARD FROM FOR ROUGHLY 2 WEEKS, BECAUSE AFTER THAT I END UP GETTING A SUCCESSION OF SPOOFED SPOOKY POOFS PRETENDING TO HATE ME. (Classy.)

I hope you are keeping your TP well stocked!

This virtue signaling is hackneyed trash coming from you. In this dicey political climate? You musr have been actually high. Perhaps you inhaled instead of tapping up on IV 5-0 SafeMeth™? (I know all about it and I have no information on how your logistics were COMP’d; but I can say that you're all looking better now. Donut call me if you get in a mess again; you Oinkerton schweinhundz are not my area of concern.

Since Allison has been replaced by D.Ⓜ️.Ⓜ️. (Congratulations on nurturing your corporate culture by promoting from within!), I'm going to assume that it was intended for me to not know the difference. That's totes ‘dorbs’, the way all of all y'all pretend that a) PaladinVision™ isn't real, b) I have any reason to protect what remains of your secrets, and c) that I give a single ripe wet shit about your opinions, Bellgab D.R.A.M.A. Community. I can assure you that even if I couldn't pick up on the vibes, I know that you're all big supporters of the current Condition Of Global Shunning. NGL, it's been growing on me as well. But I digress.

I'm going to verify that my other friend is still alive, or whatever one might call it, later. Truth be told, it was literally traumatic for me, and someone must have miscalculated how far Certain People can be repeatedly pushed, that's for sure. (May Twentieth and May Twenty-Sixrh and July Twenty-Second and July Twenty-Fifth are all bad daya to spawn a dybbuk. Just sayin’.) I'll simply point out that Jim and Kelly have rarely performed so well as they have lately; no Hunt of any bias at all; and I'm hardly feeling any ill-will on my end about this whole thing.

I'm sure all of you would appreciate it if I would just shut up and go away, but to be quite honest, I need to know if I'm supposed to swear a blood oath of vengeance just so I can cancel it, in order to maintain my street cred — or if I'm supposed to wait for my færie godmother to turn the rodents here into wrenchers to repair and maintain the three (3) abandoned vehicles you've saddled me here with, Bro. Officer Bro.

We don't have to make this weird; you already did, but that's your modus operundi. For the most part, it works brilliantly. However, YOUR HOSTAGE KEEPS CALLING ME ASKING FOR MONEY AND SEX AND IS THEN NEVER HEARD FROM FOR ROUGHLY 2 WEEKS, BECAUSE AFTER THAT I END UP GETTING A SUCCESSION OF SPOOFED SPOOKY POOFS PRETENDING TO HATE ME. (Classy.)

Note that this should not come as a surprise. Which should surprise you is that there's people watching this entire scenario, I'm well aware of that, and I don't know how deeply in denial somebody has to be to not realize that you're f****** caught, but you are. All of you are. I don't know what anybody's going to do about it. For my own part, I'd rather have sex with my helpmate’s secret girlfriend If she'd like to, and if she doesn't want to then I need to find out why she keeps on pretending that she does and then ends up acting like I've done something wrong, because if that means that there's other additional trafficking events happening, I need to distance myself from that and as well as sue for redress and recompense.

Read that again. “Sue for redress and recompense.” That is a legal process that happens whether I'm alive or dead or whether I have sex with my friend or not, because there are already lawyers baked into the product, that's how a Special Needs Trust works. And here's how an Order Of Federal Protection works: Special Agents get my telemetry before the locals do and before ANY Feds do and before the secret societies of the world get access to my daily digest, shout out to Chris The Strong Person, very probably the vanguard of a highly skilled team of well-trained SPETSNAZ Elite sent to keep an eye on Matt Cummings and my goings to, oh, nowhere in particular, certainly not POCATELLO, IDAHO WITH A BRIEF LAYOVER IN PEND O‘REILLE COUNTY TO CHECK OUT THEIR LIBRARY OF INSTRUCTION MANUALS AS WELL AS TO L CHECK THE LEADERBOARD AT THE SECRET NAVY TRADING BASE TO SEE IF I'VE GOT A NEW HIGH SCORE ON THE WALL, and they're pretty exceedingly good at that.

Tracking new high scores, for sure. Tracking Lil’ Michael Kuczi, real duty cycle business. Sincerely, you all do great work, which is why it's so awkward to let you know how What's-Her-Face accidentally trafficked and murdered her own ewe; how I know that even happened; how I know who did it and how it was done; why it's not even a crime; why everyone involved except me has collected a death benefit (>Kudos.), and what I did about that particular pooch-screw, which was in my area, and why no one needs to be so awkward about the whole thing. Not at all.

And yet: you are all, UNFATHOMABLY AWKWARD. I get it: none of you have ever had a real friendship before and you think that you're my going to start out with having one with the likes of mⓂ️E! (Be of good cheer, I don't even have any ilk.)

Also, from that article I learned a new acronym to add to the "LGDPTQ+" thing: apparently we can now say LGDPTQ+GBMSM;  I think that makes the whole she-bang quite a bit clearer, n'est pas?

The article states that this epidemic was only observed in the UK;  however from looking at the titles of the last few posts (on the board in general, not this specific thread) of 'GAY DIARRHEA' & their authorship :  I suspect this plague might be in your neck of the woods now...

Wow, there's a lot to unpack there. Number one: your SpookμSatan™ SigilMag—·>K®™ is quite legit but is still stale AF. You can do better and should have. Number two, you and your faglord people attacked my residential drinking water supplies ~ three years ago, and my failure to file an #Official report is due to my name being the same as the Special Needs Trust Land record documents, and in spite of what anyone might think to the contrary, evidence does not disappear when it changes form.

There is years of my DNA in the ground at the facility. YEARS OF MY POOP, DUDE. If you honestly thought that is something your former 3-legged race partner needs to be reminded of publicly, you had best think again — or in fact, start at all. (I won't describe you as former accomplices because it's not like that until a Tribunal says it is.) Because although I have not made my complaints #Official, nevertheless: PEOPLE>KNOW. What people don't know is, what I'm going to do about it. (We already know you're doing about it, pate: something secret, something supreme, and something that's probably going to be a felony, whether with or without the involvement of your (or my) d!≤K.

All of this is perfectly appropriate; this is The Bell-Schwa-Bien Special Military OlympickK<ish‽> Non-Human Test TraffickKÎK‽👑🆖 Proving Ground & T.E.R.F. Test With B.Y.O.🅿️.D., and yeah: you do bring your own police department, Jesuit fruitfucker faghag Elite Royal Guard. And it has been my pleasure to have given them a wide latitude of berth — UNTIL NOW.

Whatever the FUK you think leaning on a Dubb for is an interesting question. Surely you know a TīīVïË:K🆑0WN when you see one? I know I did... when I came across two of them performing menial labor tasks at Neighbor Shane's freshly-installed MANUFACTURED HOME. Just like Art Bell had. His were in a desert.

Shane's is on top of a Hellmouth. Don't worry about it. And if you need to make veiled threats, in public, TO A EWE WITH THE COGNITIVE CAPACITY OF A MILDLY RIPENED MELON, YOU ARE USUALLY MORE DISCREET.

You also have absolutely no reason to be playing hardball with anyone at this stage, unless you do, in which case, you should note that your activities in Jefferson — both County &AND State — have wider-reaching implications than you are presently aware of. Additionally, you're probably not aware of much more than your burning need for a sated hunger for vengeance and an explanation for why a just and merciful God can allow my fiendish criminal activity to continue.

After all, don't I know what I am doing to that poor girl? (You bet your sweet ass I do, Tigger-Twiggy Twerpin’ Hater Twat-Twit Talk-Teller Tatertot Tardname: CODENAME TARDNAM. Instructor Lee sent me, bee tea dubs; and we two at least are pretty goddam tired of your bullshit. Eyes on you.) Of course I don't know.

Her mother died and she's been a mindslaved Timecorps Viceboor Dopemule LesbeauxULTRA full-time since before that. The details are not relevant to me, nor are they my area of concern, but the fact that THIS DAME STILL CALLS ME IS PRIMA FACIE EVIDENCE OF CONSPIRACY. Like, what the actual fuck, Man-G. (Word.)

No matter what, this means, I have to do extra work, work that I don't want to do, work that I shouldn't have to do, work that I'm going to do with great satisfaction and furious relish because either you've gone too far in one area, or you've not gone far enough in another. And you're obsessively trafficking Kelly and her offspring who was just me as the sister of a woman that you claim to be married to, but who was actually there? You and you are not exactly telling the truth about anything that you are doing, thinking or saying when you encounter me, which is odd because you encounter me over and over and over throughout my life, which may not be immediately apparent to you. If you're a fourth dimensional time traveling spurg Lord, who's going to go back in time now to get away from my inquiry that kind of happens sometimes.

What doesn't usually happen is me talking about it in public, but since you need to talk about “gay diarrhea,” I figured I'd just up the stakes with something fucking relevant. Now because you're such a douchebag and because you've made such a fucking stink of things and you're such a fucking racist little fucktard little bitch, I have to go out of my way to do things that I would not have to do otherwise. And I bet you think that's fucking funny, except it's a flagrant fucking abuse of power and it's violation of your position as guardian of the public trust. So either youre a fake fucking whatever; or you don't belong here; or you're a ghost; and you do not know where the fuck you are; which would make you literally to be a freshly made dybbuk; and I know exactly what to do about all of this.

Absolutely nothing at all. USMCJ jurisdiction is quite clear on this: I have absolutely no reason to intervene. However, a strong case can be made that I should invest heavily into popcorn. Except: my kitchen is sabotaged and presently under siege. (Standards.) At this point I think it can be said that the obvious cry for help is obvious.

Also: I didn't expect Wye to start blowing up my phone but I will point out that Ash Lμ¡gÎ-i is not Wye and you are in no position to be playing matchmaker. ALSO: COVERT MILITARY ASSETS ARE BEING BOTH ERRONEOUSLY AND MALICIOUSLY DEPLOYED AND I DID NOT EXPECT ANY OF THE HOTTIES THAT I CLEARED TO BE RESURRECTED TO BE PARADED BEFORE ME BY MY EVIL DEAD UNCLE ALBERT, who is obviously not thrilled to be forced to work against his own family's interests.

UNQUESTIONABLY, BY NOW I SHOULD HAVE BEEN INTERVIEWED BY INDEPENDENT COUNSEL. THAT THIS IS NOT HAPPENING CAN ONLY BE THE RESULT OF DELIBERATE, CRIMINAL CONSPIRACY. OBVIOUS HATE CRIME AND SUBSEQUENT COVER-UPS ARE OBVIOUS.

AM I FUCKING STUTTERING? NO... this is just what happens when a coalition of rivals decides to group up to take out a hostile Alpha. Because to The Heirarchy, I am a triple threat. I won't go into what that means.  I also won't go into how inappropriate getting “Bradon’s” .edu spam texts are, or what else I'm getting, because that would very likely be treason. If I did that.

Of course, when you do the shit you do, it's different. That's not because you're a retard who rapes my friend. (That's her job. And you're the Keeper of Itineraries now? Good, the other guy needed to be relieved of duty years ago. And you keep all this information withheld from me..  why? And you have an obvious conflict of interest? Further, you make a bunch of needlessly snotty anti-homosex culture...  repeatedly?) It all adds up to a wicked ugly picture.

Telephone transcripts will conclusively show that D.Ⓜ️.Ⓜ️. expressed disgust and dismay to learn that I've been robbed of all my belongings, vehicles, licence to drive, and all monies. Literally every penny. And she, ULTRADrama Community Coordinating Coordinator Extraordinaire, hears the truth and expresses no surprise or shock of horror, because after all: SHE'S THE CURRENT/FORMER TRUSTEE FOR SEVERAL IN THE COMMUNITY AND THIS SHIT HAS HAPPENED BEFORE. Capiçhe?

She also should know that I have not had a substance abuse assessment in years, yet the people coming here to openly mock me to my face have no trouble distributing illicit drugs, and they dose with ketamine very clumsily. They must think everything I write is legally actionable as well as an exaggeration, because of course I knew they were poisoning me again. They have authority to do so... how?

My ozone generators were modified to become arson tools and 100% unlawful to deploy by someone who also set an unsafe fire at the Lower House, which I guess is only part of My Demesne if Madame Clerk says so. Because I haven't seen a land lot map in years and there are Merry Pranksters, Jester Tricksters, & Templar Knights running around the countryside, but somehow no one can talk to me ON THE PHONE

The Ombudsman is going to love your story. I know I do, lol, especially because I know exactly why it's happening.

Having said that: go on about your day, Citizen.. I have no #Official Mandate Of Heaven to interfere with your affairs.

And: I am obviously not “cheating” on anyone; never was; and I don't even have to report what I know to anyone, unless requested to do so. (I'm holding out for Tubby OpFor TEmμ Prime °′Gen to blow a gasket up top and be forced to transform/evolve into Electro Woman and/or Dμna Girl on surveillance footage, which probably got turned off, all the better to monitor me, because now you have me dead to rights, yeah? Brilliant sleuthing, Team Lux Clucks.

As God as my witness, I truly believed at — at first — that I could not possibly be The_Failsafe. It just seems so unlikely to be believed! Why would the USAF MP CID Division ever bother with something so absurd, and choose someone not just like me .. but actually me?

Number one? I actually am that pretty. Number two. I'm actually innocent, number three. It's not the United States armed forces. It's Heaven. They send Angels all the time. And Luke is an angel short for Lucifer and that's the one you're believing is me. Or at least a better one than I present which is true since I don't appear to be doing anything besides sitting on my ass and getting high waiting for somebody to do something else first. That's just what I look like I'm doing.

I'm actually doing something entirely different. (It's really none of your fucking business, Bill∆Gabb.åī.) And I'm supposed to be fearful that you have all had to start STEALING FROM MY PARENTS IN ORDER TO GET ONE (1) SEX-OBSESSED NEEDLE JUNKIE TO... HAVE A CONVERSATION? Huh. Well. Well, yes.

Because the two women that SuperSerial and Dethrayne and Gmomechad and Mr. G.M. Woodruff and Julie-Ra (SHELL) and two rogue Timecorps agents who have been staying in My Residence FOR MONTHS are part of a very secret mission that went tits-up right out of the gate, fancy that, and how do I know this? Hang on.

* Jackstar is immune.to prairie mange, but still prefers to ensure that no one finds this house before February 2027.

pate, I would rather rip off my own arm and beat you to death with it than be accused of “cheating” by your flotilla of Satanicly–aligned ®oboH∞rs™. And if I hadn't had a knife pulled on me, I wouldn't have known there was a story there. Now, I do: and I still haven't engaged in anal sex, WITH ANYONE, I don't even know if she has an anus although I would assume so, and it seems awfully strange to not SIMPLY BREAK UP unless the intent is to, in the future, RECONCILE.

Or, harvest my genome for the cure to Long CoV🆔; which I oddly enough can tell you with all seriousness: i clearly must have. Because this haunted Church is TEEMING WITH FLIES AND VERMIN, which could have been easily addressed, BUT INSTEAD: SPACE FOXACE AND INSPECTOR HARMS WERE HERE TO FINISH SCUTTLING THE FACILITY. (>Kudos.) I'm still not sure why you don't bother telling me these things, although obviously I can figure it out myself as well as be informed by the spirits that inhabit this haunted land. This hallowed and consecrated Native American battle and burial ground World heritage site that really should be listed as a a historical landmark because it is. It's also a CIA black site but it's probably already taken care of and I'm just here like an idiot thinking that I own the place, but I don't think I own the place. I know exactly why I'm here. I know exactly what's going on.

Put the woman on the phone within 4 hours (you know which one I mean) or I make your life become more unpleasant than you can possibly imagine, L∆vrπμ-§♟️🅿️🅰️VV№king would have this much trouble dealing with one (1) lone paladin; I therefore claim ALL YOUR WIMMINS by Absolute Right of Divine Authority. So there.

Now I am going to go on a walking tour of the neighborhood and alert the villagers of my triumph. I will then, most likely, start looking for an attorney, because in spite of ample opportunity to do so, not one person has offered to help me after I mention that Michael Vranizan is the smartest lawyer I've ever met.

Undoubtedly they think I'm foolish because they believe I don't know that he's ripping me off, but on the other hand I know exactly how he's ripping me off, because that's his job. He doesn't represent my interest. He represents my country's interests.

Which are more complicated than ewe might imagine. (Also: There are multiple Covenants, you piggy-thuggy shitsplat whack-job PONCE. Try a real job someday, Barback Brew-Baker, holy guacamole are you ever soft. I imagine that's the reaching.) Also her more whorish sister stole my timeship. So I guess that makes nine vehicles. Fuck it. I'll just walk back to the future.

You thought I had a “drug problem.” On the contrary: I have the Final Solution. (⁴4EvvE.) What? You are watching a movie.

Yet, it's my life. It never ends. (Who's that at the door?)

I figured out how to do it. But I don't have permission and I don't need to prove anything to anyone. Additionally, all three (3) missing AlphaFrüīTī7⁷z have been identified. (Hands off. Only and final warning.) So... how will various discrepancies in The Narrative be handled?

By my military, asshole. They seem pretty good at it. Also, peace will Canada is one consummation away! I am that effective.

As for my health... yeah, someone should get right on that. It's like lunchtime at O‘Hare here. Say... do you think I pissed off the warlocks? (Stretch goal achieved.)

Take a picture. Jackstar is forever. L⁸r b∞

[K_Blubb]

K_Dubb, Attend:

https://moonbattery.com/gay-diarrhea-is-spreading-rapidly/

I hope you are keeping your TP well stocked!

Also, from that article I learned a new acronym to add to the "LGDPTQ+" thing: apparently we can now say LGDPTQ+GBMSM;  I think that makes the whole she-bang quite a bit clearer, n'est pas?

The article states that this epidemic was only observed in the UK;  however from looking at the titles of the last few posts (on the board in general, not this specific thread) of 'GAY DIARRHEA' & their authorship :  I suspect this plague might be in your neck of the woods now...

Be safe, my old fiend!


Fuck Øbama

&

Dear Sir,

A sudden spike in cases of a microscopic parasite causing watery, "explosive" diarrhea—known as cyclosporiasis—has been confirmed in 31 U.S. states. The Midwest and Northeast are currently experiencing the heaviest impacts, with the largest outbreaks concentrated in Michigan and Ohio.

I do not believe either of the two states mentioned are known for an abundance of homosexuals so I am going to have to assume it is straight people and their disgusting ways of Eating Out Of The Garbage and Not Putting Food Away Promptly are to blame. I associate the upper Midwest with casseroles and buffalo chicken wraps so it is perhaps something in the Franks (Barely) Hot Sauce or the tater tots? Or maybe butterburgers? I don't know; I yield to your superior cultural knowledge of the nether regions of our fair Countree

Yours ever,
K_Blubb

[pate]

Dear Sir,

A sudden spike in cases of a microscopic parasite causing watery, "explosive" diarrhea—known as cyclosporiasis—has been confirmed in 31 U.S. states. The Midwest and Northeast are currently experiencing the heaviest impacts, with the largest outbreaks concentrated in Michigan and Ohio.

I do not believe either of the two states mentioned are known for an abundance of homosexuals so I am going to have to assume it is straight people and their disgusting ways of Eating Out Of The Garbage and Not Putting Food Away Promptly are to blame. I associate the upper Midwest with casseroles and buffalo chicken wraps so it is perhaps something in the Franks (Barely) Hot Sauce or the tater tots? Or maybe butterburgers? I don't know; I yield to your superior cultural knowledge of the nether regions of our fair Countree

Yours ever,
K_Blubb

My fiend & one-thyme shirtless runsning mate:

To be sure, your report of g. Cyclospora's recent appearance in the Upper Midwest is indeed an intardasting flavor of herring (whether that be pickled or red remains to be determined!).

While this protozoan (g. Cyclospora) has a symptomatological effect similar to the bacterium (g. Shigella);  noted in the "Gay Diarrhea Is Spreading Rapidly" article as the proximate cause for this neu Corn-holeEbola-19.5 variant:  I am not entirely certain that the two are at all related...

To combat your cynical (many props to the original Cynic Diogenes!) response to my ludicrus "mutant digital strain of Gay Diarrhea" theory I will attempt a somewhat skeptical alternative theorrhetical rebuttal to address my fears for your health.

Firstly, before I display symptoms that might be mistaken for my own possible case of this "mutant digital diarrhea" (I would speculate it is a mutation of the mundane Cyclospora rather than one of the alternatives);  might I urge that you to add to your prophylactic measures one of the many Apple-flavored Ivermectin preparations that are readily available OTC?  I am not a Doctor;  you might consider consulting one before taking my homely & remedial advice:  which is free unlike the product I recommend to you!

I understand it is available OTC at places similar to TSC, or even via Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Ivermectin-Paste-Dewormer-1-87-Apple-Flavored/dp/B0DYFBP35G) should you wish to avoid the social embarrassment of a Doctur's consultation.  If you avail yourself of the Tractor Supply Co. option, you might commit the small social sin of a white lie on equine ownership...

I digress...

I will attempt to demonstrate that the historical origin of this "Gay Diarrhea" & its subsquent spread to the Pacific Northwest may be laid squarely at the feet of the Huns & Damnable Swedes!

To wit:  A Hunnic source with a Damnable Swede distribution vector.

I posit that this particularly vile strain of g. Shigella had, in antiquity (5th-9th century Anno Domino), established itself in the Hunnic homelands and became endemic to the region.  I can only imagine it became endemic due to the somewhat unsavoury proclivities of the Hun (apogees for my blatant racism, I know that it must rankle your progressive sensibilities!  Alas, I am but one vibrant political shade, as Reaganus Maximus might say:  in the irridescent Political Rainbow;  which I continue to demand be relinquished to its original biblical meaning.  Again, I digress...)

From that ancestral Hunnic homeland, this bacterial strain next came into contact with the Kievian Rus circa 9th-13th centuries.  From thence, the Damnable Swedish contigent among the Rus brought it to Greater Scandehoovia, where it may or may not have then boarded Viking longboats, at some point, where it concieveably could have made the trans-Atlantic leap to the St. Laurentine passage and the Michigan/Ohio/American Upper Midwest.  It is then butt a simple transit along the Mississippi/Missouri/Snake and/or Columbia Rivers to your particular domain...

As a sub-thesis to address your herring-flavored g. Cyclospora theory:  this pathogen may, in fact, have been the weaker of the two during the proposed transit period, and thus, by virtue of being somewhat less deadly did not kill off the host population in great numbers leaving it endemic to the American Upper Midwest (***more-on this in my conclusitory statement***)... again I digress from my main point.

Upon this penultimate arrival of g. Shigella to your particular geographic region;  it, in modern thymes, has somehow digitally mutated into a variety that is now both infectuous and transmissible via the Intar-tubes!



I think we can all agree on whom the Patient Zero is, hear?



Explosive Gay Digital Diarrhea is no joke!  I fear it might be incurable, unless a digital form of Ivermectin might be discov'r'd....

I also fear that my more local pathogen Cyclospora might have made a similar digital mutation and I may be afflicted (witness my above Digital Diarrhea symptoms!).


I beg you pray for my health in this present calamity, as I do for yours.
I remain, &tc:



(& Fuck Øbama)