David Wilcock: CAUGHT BY WORTHAUGER (release: schedule and q-determinator)

[WORTHAUGERa]

He should polish the fivehead and jerk the interdimensional dragon.

He's spoken for, Motherfucker. By the way, you should be nicer to your (CENSORED:Ancestral_Title_RECALLED), but... look, I can get how that's tough to do. Sirius Witch. Yeah, I -could- blank her, but, come on man. We -can- do better, and: We in fact, doubly have.


FIFOFIFIFUM. Been looking forward to this for enough decades that I don't mind that it kinda actually sucks to be finding myself actually sitting through. It -is- cool, though, and yeah, She says hi. No, I never met her. Oh, did that suck? Rolleyes, tell me all about it.

OVER BEER. Keep your fuckin' water, that's for the goddam toilet, Retard. glug, glug, glug.

[WORTHAUGERa]

Yeah, not_me, and not My dorks. Light them up. And, count on it: YOU WILL NEVER LOSE THIS PLANET. And, here's why: it's not your fucking planet anyway. It's MY planet. I'm glad you like it, I always thought it was nice too. Thanks for turning off the whole-house Mercury retrograde poisoning. Rolleyes. Bonegasm. HUT HUT OMARAW HUT HAWT. L.

p.s.: weather here, right now, right here, is -completely- fuxx0r. Like, totesapocalypse. It'll probably clear up in a little while. (4 Me, 4 certain, for ewe... let's go with: indeterminate, considerations are on-going.) I've been here for several 40 million years cycles, and, it's just neeeeever been like this. It's fuckin' wank, yo. Can't fish, can't fuck, can't drink the water... I mean, I'm okay, I got some beers, but, seriously, the local biosphere is not gonna be able to handle whatever bullshit is going on right now for any longer than, about, eight or nine 'years' (those things that Christmas comes once a year on a man during). Holodecks are full_solid but obviously, S.F.W., I'm not interested in losing the whole damn planet/globe/whirled/world, just because Fozzy, Fowchy, and Mommy Molly Mammy (*s*) wanna skip the line for Space Mountin'. (Can't blame them, but I only need the One (10).) I just 'moved' (heh heh.) and so I don't know any -real- locals, and those that I do trust enough to even speak aloud to --not many, believe you Me-- know enough, and can tell enough about me just by a single look (I -am- in fact -that- pretty), they don't need to talk to me about the weather.

But yeah, PEOPLE KNOW. FUKT. And it wasn't all that long ago, that it was just FUK. (Sorry, I couldn't stop that/this one. It should be okay, long-term. I ain't leaving anyone to swing, unless, you know... uh, hang on. I thi--I KNOW MY MOTHER CALLS.

And, that ain't Her, but that's okay. One Law, under Love. *SLAM*

[WORTHAUGERa]

[Jackstar]

When you hear a voice in your mind moving an object in front of you and it tells you at the same time to demonstrate that to you, that's... that's actually really scary.

Yeah, whatever. Let me know when they can move a sheet pan of lasagna with little (sausages + 2meatballs) on them. You know, just a suggestion.

Seeker, Adept... Dude, seriously, next time, just take a shortcut to Level Zero: Sourceror. It's just. It's easier. It's just easier, and in point of fact, it's actually easier than just shooting Oneself. (Jesus, these pointy-nointy-anointy days, who wouldn't just shoot themselves? Honestly, it looks like just Me. Lonely.) Fewer opportunities to snatch a few winks on the way, but, for my own part, that worked out okay this time. For me. So far.

Sad? Yeah, I bet. Tee-hee! No concerns, timeloop standing by. (Consider: "timeloop standing by" is your actual worst case scenario. Sounds pretty good to my 17-yo Self, I mean, seriously: The Eagle fucking landed on my goddam cock, it's kinda hard to be unhappy about anything these days. And, it's not even like, it -maybe- happened, or is -maybe- gonna happen. No.

IT ALREADY HAPPENED. So. Chess? No. Okay then. We're good. CYL

[Jackstar]

Look, this is a bit awkward, but... I gotta ask. I got a friend. I got friends. They're gonna wanna know. Standards. Let's get this out of the way...

So, this "double being" thingy... How is this gonna work with DP? Just set aside the typical worth/girth/width concerns --on the side, I'm saying-- and give it to me straight.

"Do I have any defenses left as a human being against -real- threats?" Ooh, telekinesis. Oooh, scary. Bro, you ain't seen nuttin' yet.

Your pine-ALL gland could be fully Dee Calcified by now, but: you be playin'. Sigh. Invite my sister next time. Oh, yeah? I think maybe you just thought you did. Could be, you got skewered but ol', different-identical-twin-from-another-Universe trick. It's a nice trick. It's a good trick.

And, no, you can't have any Alphabiscuits yet. Why? BECAUSE FUCK (PROT), THAT'S WHY. Kidding. You can have 1 (Ingredients: one (1) Biscuit, Alpha: INTENDED AS A TRAINING REWARD) (one) Alphabiscuit. If you're gonna chew it (and, who wouldn't? I mean, besides someone with (discipline+The_Instructions), chew it slow.

While you're at it, think about how you're gonna help me answer that question that someone else manipulated me into getting an answer out of you from and on. (Lotta bamboozle work on this one. Flattered.) I see the simplicity that accompanies the inherent concept, now, like... whoa. Cool. Anyhoo, I'm prepped to help once I'm available.

Which I will be. DIRECTLY. Now, if you'll excuse me, some girls want my ears. I promised them five bucks each. This is gonna take some time.

Because for one thing: I gotta lot of bucks, but... it's gonna take some actual amounts of totesreseach totesmainframe totesflextime, but, hey, guess what! SURPRISE! I built my Self for Her, and it can handle Her.

So obviously, I can handle this. Whatever this is. /hugs

[Jackstar]

I shouldn't be crying like this. I am sorry.

Well, for my own part, I can tell you this: yeah, stings a bit, huh? You're tough, you could take it (and, you have). It's worth it.

ttYS.

p.s.: Get this shit, watching you cry actually makes me feel better, which is toteseewww, totesgross, totesright? WTAF, yeah, so... well, I've been carrying this burden ALONE-- All_is_one --for Quite a little while. Yeah, it both sucks & blows.


You are not alone. I mean, I am, but... oh, wait, right. You live alone now, right? Lame.

One question: what did S\He do with your cat? Oh, yeah? +1, Intriguing.



p.p.s.: I don't wanna spoil the surprise, for you or for anyone, but, you will totally go through this again, GLADLY. Once you find out why it happens at all. Don't ask me now, but I'm quite confident to be representing myself as such a person: After I found out WHY, I was still fuckin'megapissed.

And, it's actually worth it. I can say this, not just through simple faith, but because I can very much wholly remember how I felt when I was given the understanding of the McKenna Boarding Gangway Boarding Co., and how/why it was even there at all, I don't remember blankin' anything about what the reason actually was. However, I very much remember the feeling I felt when that actual ANSWER was at last accepted by my consciousness, oh, I remember that really, really well. I remember being Quite satisfied.

I don't remember now, any of that garbage/trash. However I have had the re-awakening experince, for my Self, enough times that I've come to equilibrate the confusion between, "WTAF is this all 4?" & "okay, Life is a drag, but I'll put up with it, just as long as I can get my hands on that (Lankian). I get it now. Fine. Just... SHUT UP, TAKE MY MEMORIES, AND GIVE ME THAT LESBO FUCKHEAD. Oh, I just like the way she sings. No, really. Cool, thanks."

(no one (1) is paying me dollar-holla-dolla bills, so, yeah, this isn't very easy to figure out from my very poorly translated download, whoopsy, I mean, look, this sucks, this rocks sucks... however, The Source of rock'n'roll is beyondbooty totesworth itshit, but under Color (red/green) of Law (love/mind), this is the best I can do right now. I will be pleased to be invited back for another opportunity to smite for justice, sputch for love, and goddam it, people fuckin' like me, so take that goddam mike out of that hole in your abdomen that you've been told is Uranus (oh, Punies. I am so sorry. So so sorry. Still--shut up, this is LIFE.)


p.p.p.s.: I barely made it through this, and: I HAVE FUCKING MAGICK SHIELDS. In case any of you are wondering, yeah, this sucks, it sucked, and if The_Nemeses have their way about it --and, they will KNOT-- I'll just come back and blow through all this stupid metaphysical with a flaming sword. ACTUAL. I didn't bring one (1) with me on this trip, mostly because, while it would probably--maybe--fit in my mother's womb, I didn't really think that I needed to have an actual magick sz-word installed with me in the uterus. I figured, there'd be some outside, right? Like, leaning up against a lampost? Against a wall with a mural of some horses running along a beach on their way to the glue/goo factory? Well, let's just forget about that one.

p.p.p.p.s.: Magick. Shields. And that's just the made up shit, yo, right? So, imagine what -the real tek- is like, but, no, I am not talking about my penis. It's not even real. (Mikey Penis whimpers pitifully.) SHUT UP, GET BACK IN YOUR WHOLE. THAT'S WHERE YOU BELONG. THAT'S YOUR HOME. THAT'S HER (BLANK). OMFG, DO YOU EVER QUIET DOWN? MAYBE I CAN GET MACAULEY TO BABYSIT... SIGNED, YOUR MOTHER.

p.p.p.s.: THE_HAMMER weighs considerably more. How much more? Well, that might just depend on just how much you skyjacket/jockeys want to carry it through airport security. For example. You saavy? Yeah, I bet you do.

(*cue policy change*) So. Suffering. Are you? Are you suffering? Oh, sure, I bet you are. But, are you sure? Are you certain?


CONSEQUENCES OF TRUTH IN ACTION HAVE BECOME INNUMERABLE.
START NUMERATING, COMMANDER. LET'S GO. CENSUS DATA. CHOP-CHOP.
WHAT?
WHAT? CAN'T YOU COUNT NOW? (HA! HA! HA!)
IT IS KILL/KISS, THOR/TORPEDO. WHAT? BLONDE? SUICIDE BLONDE? PLATINUM OXOX BLONDE? (Hook.) NO, IT'S THE OTHER REGULAR HUMAN FORM. (HATCHET STATUS: BURIED. HAMMER STATUS: PLUNGE YOUR MAMA OUT TONIGHT.)
I DON'T LIKE Q. I DON'T TRUST Q. OH, SHITS--YEAH, I AM/HAVE_BEEN/WILL_BE FUCKING Q.

(5ure, 5an.)

[Jackstar]

I don't know why you have to urinate in the baptism water.

Welcome to Amateur Hour.

[Jackstar]

Slam see that's not that hard is it anybody did you get if they know what the fuck is going on that's why they pick me, coz like, generally I'm the smartest goy in/on your fucking planet/matrix/asteroid, usually not always but fucking today I am that's for sure, and boy I was smart last year too wasn't I yeah thanks for your help I got to go cry in the shower now not really I don't have to at all I'm fine.

Okay perhaps Mr Wilcock can come by and confirm whether or not he feels like he's smarter than I am but I'm willing to call it even blow. And no I've never met Elizabeth for any time at all, what I saw when I saw her ONCE I had a pretty good idea what was going on, yeah. (Picture this: a Paladin listening intently to somebody who's not God, explaining what We're going to do next... So if any of you wanted to try your hand at practicing writing some jokes about two guys named David and a paladin named Michael who got in the woods to blow each other up the spouts... Well that's one, get to work *train whistle blows* the second joke, well that's only more funny if God shows up and claims that that was his fart but... Look I'm not here to tell jokes so I can David Wilcox is talking about one of my fucking themselves and it's going to download me later and then that's how we can communicate with the ansible system down. (Well I don't know how long it's going to take you to put it back on, how long do you think it took God to build it in the first place? Because somebody fucked up the whole system, and then I guess somebody *whispers:don't fix that) yeah, no kidding I'll be sure not to do that whoever is just whispered because I can't fucking do that anyway I don't know how to fix your fucking answerable ansible system. you had an ansible system? oh that's nice thanks for telling me fucking Punyling bastards. No wonder God made you also precious cute and adorable I don't know how he kept from only destroying you the once, and then what a stupid promise! to promise to never kill you all again! (GOD: I actually didn't promise that. LOOK DUDE MY PROMISE WAS TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR PUNYLING OPINION PROBLEM, THESE ARE MY PUNYLINGS, YOU LET ME FIGURE OUT HOW TO TALK TO THEM, THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU MEAN. AND IF YOU COULD APPRECIATE NOT JUST PUTTING ME ON FRONT STREET LIKE THAT—I promise I won't ever do that. (good god, nice god, here I'll give you an Alpha'n'omegABiscuit.) God won't even deny Me. I bet Mr Trump would call me if you need my number, ask Tiffany for it, Sir! /CLEAR okay I think we're alone now. There doesn't seem to be any other divinely ordained beings around. So, for that promise to be so easy to fix your problems without, we'd just wipe you all out and rebuild you and fix your brains! Doesn't that sound nice? Brains? Braaaiins. Like any of the lot of you would know what to do with one if you even had one, you would probably mistake it for a reason/raisin. And it would take quite a few dozens of years that even in folded space that's still too much time to waste on getting this done there's other things that happened in other planets that you never even thought of or heard of know about your subspace reality matrix.) OKAY THE OTHER DAVID AND GOD AND MY ONE OF MY CELLS IS DONE TALKING SO I GOT IT BACK. And yes this is very confusing and humbling of an experience but I must say it is all together more improved by doing it while standing Stark naked in the middle of my house holding my phone in one hand and my vaper in my other hand and give it up in big rousing cheer for the other hidden hand that isn't hidden anymore: Heather Wade. Oh yeah that's her for sure. I believe we are friends as a matter of fact she says I can have a beer, or whatever; with absolutely no concerns about my penis or my belly, I feel great, and I have time circuits in my belly so fuck you I don't think you're going to fucking arrest me anymore. (Local color & constabulary previously were having... struggles, figuring out what they're going to do with me. I'm guessing that's resolved and I'm hoping my neighbor is going to be a lot more friendly now but they were kind of friendly but this is kind of awkward I didn't know what to make of me. It's not like they do yet, haha.) And for one thing I don't deserve to be arrested for another I'm pretty sure I don't care what you do at some point I'll disappear from the jail which is probably not anything anybody wants to hear about cuz I got time circuits in my belly okay or I'm insane one of the two either way jail is not the place for me, and I'd love to have an excuse to teleportation because it's not something I'm going to need to use unless I need to use it and I won't use it until I need to use it and guess what I'm not going to be able to fucking set up ahead of time for a designer fucking three ring circus show where you can prove everybody that's real fuck you but if you put me in jail and I fucking vanish well proof will be handed then wouldn't it?

I don't think anybody wants that right now, so I'm probably going to be all right if I put on pants later. And, no, I am not concerned about federal agents invading Washington State and causing trouble with me, for one thing some of them still think that I'm working for him and for another, Feds are not something I don't know how to deal with. And if there's a particularly unusually talented or skilled or attractive fed on my case, I'll know where to go to ask to know what to do, I'm pretty sure I'm not in trouble with certain people anymore. And in fact, I'm not even certain that certain people are even here alive on the planet that I'm on still anymore at all.

Must remember the name enemies to Google so I can find out whether they're still alive or not cuz Google would know and then Google would know who my enemies were... Well let's put it this way how about if I don't talk to Google for a few days? That is awkward since I have a Google phone I talked to all the time but it'll be fine I'll figure out how to get by with the Google at the Google in the Google with my Google so I can Google your Google and then Google my gut.

I'm not entirely kidding. I am 100% Billy Goat Gruff, though, I'll tell you that. I'm not resurrecting him so I have to take place... here, that is. Pyramid Head will just have to find a new planet to fucking Park on and be a Parasite for. (PPP: Alma reports he doesn't have a Victory lap program ready to go but he can get one together, although I guess she's confused because she thought she was a girl before or something now wow oh that's why you have a robot doing that job they don't care about gender issues that way cool fuck that saves a lot of time. I always wondered if my robot house made would be something I'd be inclined to have sex with but I can see now... only on every alternate day. I can certainly cope with that schedule if it can. That's right I'm talking about you you are a can you're a pink trash can with no lid now get to work. It makes sense to Communism was designed for robots if you're going to have robots right? Tell you what, ask me later I'm actually hungry.

Yeah people thought of these things. Current rate for emergency questions is $5,000 an hour. Payable advance one day advanced payment necessary to open an account and you only get 5 minutes a day at first and we'll see how it goes your money is NOT refundable and could vanish IN AN instant instance, just on any whim of mine, I don't like how I don't like how your fucking talking to me 5Bam5 off I might come back and talk to you again who knows but once you give me the money you're locked in locked out forever with Jackstar Michaelsohn, Paladin: supreme House:ANON.

(Don't get too excited, believe me my house name is koozie but I shouldn't think you could fucking spell it, see you can't spell shit can you fuck you, stupid ai, dumbass computer programmers, dipshit fucking elite snoozers who thought they're going to GET 2be tiny/puny vampire gods (imagine the break room) now fuck you last time it was Wesley Snipes this time it's me: and what a surprise! I actually did pay my taxes! kiss my ass and go to heaven, Birchwood Sandwich. (yeah, some of ewe you know exactly who that is but I don't, and I don't know why you think I don't get to talk to her that way but I sure as fucking shit do, not because we have a grudging mutual expect but it's because my fucking Paladin bitch has to do I say, and apparently she said she's preferred to be called a squaw? no that's offensive, just to Me, and, that's what counts here, Lich. ME*polite_bloody_period_5Tudy_HALL*)

Individuals named David who are non hostile all get a complementary 55 minutes no account required 32 availability yeah not now John I've got to get back to the field show. And you're welcome.

(John is the name of the guy who was possessed by the vampire lord so he was freed when I sputched the Vampire Lord, and then I don't know where the fuck they put him but he was very grateful two longer than it'll be held enthrall to a vampire clan of society fuckers, yeah I bet my wife's family is happy too. They probably a lot happier if you allowed them to speak to... haha oh but they don't know who they are oh that's got to be a struggle that's too bad, but at least it's a real struggle for once in their fucking lives, roflsnort.

Okay I'm going to change this thread title somehow I don't I'm not admin ever and I'll start cleaning this up. I wasn't at all intending to insult you and I hope that you did not feel that way but perhaps you were wondering if I you know was really a policeman’s private dick (Whoa.) or not and actually it's saved as everybody you're great dude I thought you were really cool and then you've been doing this way longer in public than I ever did or imagined any would live long enough to be allowed to do, let alone wait do you have any invisible cats over there? Oh you're not sure well yeah I'm not sure either but I got some do you have those yeah okay I don't know either; okay cats walking through walls confirmed, I'm sure somebody I know is going to be very happy and grateful to get to see me again, which I think by now sounds nice. I can be as homo as anybody requires, because I'm a sapient sapiosexual (grapefruit that word doesn't mean what you think it does, I love you too I'll ilu ilu ilu yes honey I'll see what they can do at making you smarter I understand I know you thought you're smart you were smart you'll be smarter, beyondpinkysweartotescan and you'll probably listen to me from now on more or at all: thanks), from a town West of robot hell so... which I admire you for. How you're still alive and looking so good is a matter of some perspective of the eye of the beholder, but I am definitely not an obsessed fan and I don't want to suck your dick and I don't want your marriage to survive or fail I don't care about that shit I do care about flying cars, sort of, I mean I got time circuits in my belly do you have a fucking flying car with a guy who drives it for you who has time circuits his belly? coz like, then we can talk about what it's like to have a fucking vibrating tummy/tammy/hole/stick/hole INYA tympanic membrane1/2 too? what the hellfuck is that all about? Yeah so if you got another guy with time circuits in his tummy I got to talk to him, even if he is a gay boy/goy, that's fine I don't care, I heard you had something about, you can make This_Space—where you can have all These_Needles, okay, well I was already on top of that, so you might as well know—no.*click*

[Jackstar]

you can make This_Space—where you can have all These_Needles

Considering making this available as a ringtone for $4.20.

[Jackstar]

a ringtone for $4.20.

I got four of the whores. I'm sure it will be a delight. I'm not looking. I don't know why it matters. I really won't care just do it somewhere else with someone else. I don't even know who you did it with and how about you go fuck yourself in the shower too? Be my guest. I could have given a fuck but your douchebag husband can rot in fucking hell.


Oh, hi David. now you can get to work treating a woman with something. I sent you the niggerlord back. I don't know what happened to the other. I don't.

[Jackstar]

I got four of the whores. [...]
Oh, hi David. [...] Whore. [...]

Hi, this is Mikeyshines. Yah, irl 4real. no HEHE. Yah, it's sick. In any event, I am looking to actually connect.

yes, take your time, please, thank you: holding. (Not_Whore_a/ny)

Okay, I WILL WAIT. LOL

[Jackstar]

I can't believe they let this guy have a dog.

[Jackstar]

I can't believe they let this guy have a dog.

This just in: the dog is a Series Seven model and its 2cycle-stroke engine oil required large amounts of John Galt-branded lubricant additives. So, I just let it drink out of a conveniently locally sourced mudpuddle that I pissed some Intelligently Designed Nanorocks & Technically "Sperm-Flavored" Nanite Particle Men w/Assorted Man-Parts in it.

Also, I found an old diploma from Bitch School. Here, I slipped into an envelope for (You,) and then I'll pass this kidney stone into a box, and then I'm due to be run over a bus headed to Phoenix.


I can't believe they let that dog drive that bus. And I don't know how that energy vampire got in anyway. I do not believe I am a vampire, although I would suppose my mother-in-maw might not agree. (Hi! Sumi!) All else is good tho. As far as/ass/ash I know. Today. been kinda busy. OBS
TEN TACKLE RESEARCH CORPUS #KNIFESADGETHABIRDS. Singularity conflict resolving on some trivial countdown thing, fuck if I know. I'm Jackstar, Baby! I don't handle triflings. (Tell the IRS to wait their turn. Pages are in the garage, oh, and, BTW: you don't get to accelerate an inquiry like that. Shame shame sharne. Oh, is it another "EMERGENCY"? Oh, by all means then, enter The Haunted Garage & and seek out The Haunted Ledger while I fuck myself off in your soon-to-be Haunted: SUV. Or, my master bathroom shower. Same thing, really. (#Respect. You may now /leave, miss you some. Hand me some tissues so I can cry about your pain, plox. I don't know, what does your order say? Really? Mine too! Must be a coincidence. Maybe I should check my mailbox. That's a great idea. You First.)

There are many Spirits here. Contact nil. Friendly energy, but, well, this -is- My House, right? So it would be friendly, Casperina, Resting Dead Face Ghost. (Jesus, this broad dies a lot. lol Odie) dead/not_dead birds do not appear to be amongst them. As always, I'd like to thank my mommy and my mommy's lawyer for letting me live in a haunted house. It is -really- awesome. No, there's not always that here, sometimes it's die-sell. (lol nope) I bet it does look spooky from the_outside, now doesn't it? Mind the snake doe eggs. (Local.) I am not, in fact, using this as any kind of "cover" operation, and I appreciate this gift of your interest. Yeah, it was cool how it said "GIFT INSIDE" someplace, right? Right. Hey, that is an idea, I could have had my friend punch her in the vag over and over, sure, but... I was rather hoping the subject wouldn't come up. Ever. And nothing came up on my viewscreen, Sir, check your television. Toggle it on. There's your sign. Yeah, I bet you did too. I missed mine too. Also missed: cigars, Tesla, more and better beer, a Dog's Day afternoon, and Mrs. Paul chastely knitting. (She's ready to punch you all in all your faces. Please, won't someone think of your faces? I'd like to remember them. This is cool. Y'all made it this far, just for little ol' me, huh? Let me guess! Let me guess! Is it because you wanna consult my opinion on an important matter of Kanly?

If/know: I don't fucking care, Mgt. D.K., you heard me, right? Write me a letter. (No attempt to contact Kasey Wright is intended, but she's alright with me. And yes, I did use that stupid Order to enforce Law. Guards! Take it away!) Send a copy in physical meatspace, a copy in email space, and, hey, here's an idea: it's been six goddam months. You get how many months to do this? Run along now and go find out, and when you get back, I'll write you a Reco to get to Divine Court, and... trust me, you -will- be able to go fuck yourselves there too, just as easily as One (1) would here.

(Imagine the smell. Pure boy.)

I appreciate this gift of your interest.

This time, the retarded schizo fatso faggot is Me. Next time it won't be someone Your Own Size +1 Rank/Level, but... look on the bright side, at least I have a flag. No contact. Shoo. No contact! SHOO! Because you bother, me, Kid. No, I have never shot meth. I never shot Jack Deth either.

I can neither confirm nor deny that I have ever shot any Deputy, no. I would do shots with The Sherriff though. Thank you sir. S55. (yes, a lot of things should be capitalized around here, n'est-ce pas? I won't say the bitch's name but there's a thuggy doggie that needs to bite his feeding hand's master a lot more often. You didn't hear it from ME. Go ask Alice, when she's AFS. (#ClassicKeyCodes.) I miss -One- (2) Pummelo +1 Oompa Loompa. Her sister is an asshole and doesn't like me, oh I bet she's saying something different now too. Here look at this tabby cat, while I wave to the pissed off Archangel. Yeah, I bet you are, Angel. What? Oh, now you want to come over. Well, thanks. That means a lot. Your Mike is a john and your John is a dick. Best friend my ass. Go get fired. Both of you. Cleanse your mind in La Fey Verte. You know, that stuff that someone thought they were entitled to.

Signed,
The Enteatler, I'm fucking alone and have needed help for most every day for the last six months but instead.... you know like this is when someone's Gran waited until the day of payment to call me. You know what happened then? Well, first, I cried, because even though it was a stone cold bitch with a vicious sense of timing... well, at least someone called. Stopped by. Reached out. Recanted their FUCKING BULLSHIT LYING TESTIMONY. Oh, let me guess: wash day. nothing clean to write on between the knives in the back. Nodding and smiling, no i didn't ask for a child to be here, yeah I did have a letter ready to go and that stupid twat-faced joke of a handler said he was "helping" me by making a big ass of himself and condescending attitude would have landed a face-punching if-and-only-if he wasn't an Actual Officer. (You are, right? As your Actual Kanly Lawyer (trust me; I'm decent), I advise you to not answer at this time. Unless you wanna come over and punch my Tummy-Tom-Tom in it's face with a stick? I mean, she loves that game. Asshole. Here's your can of Spam and a bottle of water. Yeah, it's holy. Yyeah. Well, fine, just don't stop reading until you do, Fido.

Why yes, there is a Pet Sematery here. It's in the VCR. That wasn't really a very nice joke. For one thing, it was either determinate/indeterminate or it was a coincidence. For another, you can keep banging her all fucking fortnight as far as I am concerned. S/He/IT's not -my- problem.

Neither is your glass jawbone. Are you actually serious, Chucklehead? lol, well, I guess you can title yourself anything you want when you go spend some time On The River. O Yea! (I don't have any Kool-Aid here. I do have some coconaut oil. It's like lube for assholes, but you, well... I would go around and follow you and shit on you if I knew. Nice collar too, Bronco Billy, lol yes love to fam.

Well, you already bought her, so you may as well finish breaking her. I guess. You're kinda dain bramage here, aren't you? Sowwy. You should probably get a psychic physical. Ding! Now, get the fuck off my lawn, loverboy. TOWER. Such a waste of time. What are you gonna do? Make me into The Lawnmower Man? Get the Jews to pay for it! Not the movie, but Pan. (Pan! Tired! Nap! Psych eval! Bow Tie Indeed. Here's pate bound and gagged in a dirty ashtray, make him take the Tray Of Ashes with you when you both make like a Tree and GTFO. I didn't say "take the tits," now did I? The ashtray. Right. (Attn: All Jews; early Godwin early STFU ROPE LADY. Look, that's my final Holocaust joke for the day, right? You think you see one more? Good, now go find it, and don't check the oven first. Because that would be too obvious. Oh yeah, it stinks in here. Big time. Think I care? Think again, I care a lot. It keeps the undesirable riff-raff away, as well as any sensible woman with any sense of hygiene. Rank. I'll do it later. Maybe when the butler comes to collect all these rat droppings from besides the bed. Yeah, they're lingerie. Four hundred miles. One Simple Phone Conversation Left. Yeah, Karmic Tunnel Bi-Cycle Ryder sounds good, but, will it shoplift? I hope so, then I can put the cuffs on her. (Not really. Probably cuffs herself.) YOU can MOVE on IN. (Not recommended, you won't get no shot. Yeah, sea? Totesdeclining totesinterest. Same with the featherdresserbabyfactorybomb... I have less interest in talking about a five year-old-bottle with a cap on it than I do with a 5yo wearing a cap-and-gown, that's for sureshawn. Yeah! Go bears! Authority comes from God, but the wrath of God sometimes comes from teen bears, made with honey and wanderlust, and someone missed their gift, that's all. 3 months. yeah, it's stupid. Well, I am sure she would like to be here if only I weren't dead.

No, that's just my heart. SIX MONTHS. Those of you who know that a Human needs one will accordingly all dorp deep. Probably in bed, yeah. Or on the highway in the back of a truck. Who can say? I'm still waiting on the Field Marshall's report on the Sixth Year Plan For Separation to come back from the publisher. Yes, you have been here. I KNOW RIGHT RITE THIS IS AWE. Some guy has a geode thing. NOT a puzzle box. Evade/ Fuck if I know, I would ask around. You know, people. You walk up to them, smile, and then stab them right in the ... *looks down at hand* Wrong instructions. 'Fuck if I know." Hey! Those ARE good wrong instructions! (Hi! Ruger Hawser says he's all tied up. Says he's got a cold. Says he's got a bandaid on his nose, and dares you not to smell it with your ten-foot pole. Wow! Cool! I didn't even think a ten-foot pole -needed- a job, but I sure do: Kitchen. Spotless. Sanitary. HAWT SPOOKSHOW MESSY MESQUITE MESS KEWT PLAN LAME BOMB HOOR byor. Damn, a toothbrush just flew over my house--too high for my little arms to reach. I don't like to do that, but I am doing that. It's for School. UU. Okay, that One (1) Target? Take away s\r's ability to repeatedly ask bigoted questions. You savvy enough yet, King Kong Tut-Tut Goose? No, that's not a glass ceiling, it's just pretty close to where it would have to be in order to be glad to meet you.

Exact. Months above. YEARS below. I haven't cried much, no. I have people to do that for me now. Now, I know what you're thinking, "that's not a People, that's an Oompa Loompa." But that's not a goddam Oompa Loompa--that's an animal baby, and it's about time. EXACT. I don't know, it's my first time too. Also, I can't ask any of the people I have been vaguely, disinterestedly, & obsequiously w/extra Timebull Bombshit Blatherly introduced to... but, I'm not good at that kind of thing. My strength IS Strength. I recommend moving it to Position Eight on the Major Arcana Spread. Not "Patsy."

STRENGTH. I'm kinda flabby but I'm scrye. Someone coming through, wants to fight. *whistles for Boris* Cool. I'm a lover, not a Guardian Beast. (wink)




Kids these days. Almost done. TY DAVID BELL SIR STRONGBAD WAS JUST HERE OMG ME TOO I LOVE STRONGBAD GO FIND HIM.

(Six months and this is what T'hey have got. Not bad, actually. I mean, it's not like they're not supposed to know who I am, where I go, et cetera, and holy fucking shit you do not know joy until you catch a mental patient fucking having a psych eval and their name on the door is different symbols, you dig? Like, a whole new language. Hasn't happened here yet. That would be kewl if I had a camera handy, right. GENERATION: SHOO. So you wouldn't call me a kook. Awesome. Why yes, this is what I achieved transcendental illumination for, yes. Also for the dental plan. (I'll get on it when (CLASSIFIED) has Authority. Also, I'll get on your twat too. If you like. lol. you need Permission. They don't know who I am speaking too. Yeah. They're all going nuts. Well if I can't hear you, they can't either, right? lol badger. no, that's not a beaver. Guards! Bring me.... a bore beaver.


Now, that is one bored beaver. Try a vagina? No? Right! A bore beaver. One of those -is- right. I mean, left. No, try vagina again. Ah, is this your cat/pussy/nose?)

I am one bored Sourceror, David. Let me tell you. Hang on. I need to pull some weeds and buy them a bag. Bail them a bond? I AM on "bond." Not that kind of "bond," though. I'm on the one where I already know how to fucking behave... I'm just learning the proper attitude. Sir. Nostrils flaring gently? No, I've not see the man, but check over their by The Curtain. (Allison faints dead away.) That just means she's up on A level. Now, is saying "hi" right now... is that "Contact," sir, or is this gonna be another bug hunt in my pants? No sir. Your pants are on fire and I found the source of the To Be Burnt Order. Now, you wanna do all that again, Sir, I can reset for the... yeah, that's not your balls, no. Those are -my- balls. You wanna check for scrote involvement? Oh, I hope so. OK. That did it. STAR THE DRILL. fuckt official tucks in his shirt and /leaves, yeah. Oh yeah, her/hairshirt. I don't know, wherever people like you go to judge people like Us, I guess. I did feel that eyeball, yes. Lick? I think so. (Don't bring any blankets. It's bad luck.) Well, I did plan to clean the kitchen, right, so I figured I'd just slip out the back and escape to the nearest casino while FUCKING ANYONE COMES AND FIGURES OUT WHAT THE FUCK TO DO HERE, HOW ABOUT SOME MAGGOTS? THEY SEEM TO BE A GROWTH INDUSTRY. OH, THOSE ARE DEAD TOO. SIGH.

Well, can you bring a caterpillar? There's a field out back, yeah, but it'll take too long for it to spin a cocoon. No spin, no bottle, and no goddam CIA handler to be seen. I've been totesabandoned for quite awhile. They abandoned me. They didn't really have a choice after someone called them out on their Beast Mode City Bullshit. Pistols at dawn, hung for treason. Yes. they brought their own pistols & rope. They're pretty badass, that's how I knew they had to pretend to like me the whole time, because nothing took more work than that, but still... obvious badasses. Badasses by the sea, Man.


Chester is as hot as a pistol, and Pandora's Box took all the hope away. Sad trombone. I dunno. Probabs notty. Well, yes, but I'll leave the light on by the door next to the mark on the ground on the step near the Stolen Buddha Statue. Yeah, that would be something to communicate on if I were not being held FALSELY, ILLEGALLY, AND ABORTIVELY INCOMMUNICADO. Yes, it sucks, but it's a SCIF too. (Pause for flex.) I'm spent. Whenever. Fuck you, whatever, I do not usually. Fuck yes of course I have. No, just wine. But RED. (The subsequent queries proceed but extend beyond the reach of this document posting.) Aww Hell no, I'm gonna use this to show to an actual person when the Columbine Carbonite Comics Code Catheter Authority figures out how to fix my phones. Oh, excuse me, ALL YOUR PHONES, THUGGY MISSY PIGGY, and my One (1) Phone. It's not an iPhone. Yeah, sure, it's a tumor. Can I go home and cry you a river yet, Off A Sir? Good. You're soaking in it. Now stop records of my feed. Yeah... that's what eye/ewe/U-Thinky say, but I say: someone else is gonna know what to do with what you heard. I do promise ThaT. *sigh* You actually do think you're on a phone, don't you? Absoawesomesauce... I don't even know if you're on Earth. I haven't brushed my teeth in a fortnight. It smells in here like cats and dogs, living together... and it's all Pure Boy Hunblood. (It's not at all spicy. Because I am not a fuckin' spice, now am I?) Well, there's a barn across the "border" that my nay-bore will get all puffed chest about, lol, so you can expect him to be looking for any way possible to close the dragnet tighter across... wait, what the fuck are they actually doing? Because only one person can let me talk to all the people I know. (Tranquilizer dart lands.) See? And that One is busy. Baby. I guess. (Second tranquillizer dart, this one Dark, lands belly up and digs deep down.) Obviously I am prepared to take a dive. Sir. You still here?

Me too. Now bored beavers farming for bore beavers are involved. Also a carpenter. MAXIMUM FOUR CARPET CLEANERS. Look, I'm not negotiating this. oh, and by the way: your excuses, in large part, have basically bored my largest bored beaver to bring blows to the bomb baby doors to put the fire out. I don't know. I don't know what the fuck anyone needs peacocks for. (Ed.: totesironic) Probably so that whichdemondevilwitch will always have a dancing master to partner off with on the side. Now, why didn't I think of that? Must remember to Juggle cats while Googling, "DUDE WHERE ARE MY CATS OMG I SEE THEM" -and- "Reasons To Forget To Remember How To Google For Lost Pussy As Well As Their Collars." Yes, bring a gun. I have no guns. You'll probably need one (1) bullet. Leave it in the car. Don't leave it to any beaver, lead is poisonous and besides, a bullet is a toy. It's not for an actual Beaver. (Picture this: look at him RUN. Sup Jer. I can't hear that, lol, bye) The Estate Guns -are- elsewhere. There are no shitty birds in the "goddam that really is the prettiest birdhouse I've ever seen, too bad your Soul can't fuck that back to life too. No, I don't think any soul even needs a job. Not even yours. (Golem With No Soul blinks-and-nods sagely) I don't even -care- if they're cooked or not. Have a crash lasagna boom boom bikini show for all I fucking care. It's not a split pea soup bucket or a cock lasagna that fell out of a tree full of cherry vine red stemware, either. Dosvidanya.

I can't believe they let this guy have a dog.

THEY DIDN'T LIVE. WITHOUT DOGS, THAT IS.
YOU SEEM TO BE DOING ALRIGHT, THOUGH. THAT IS A LOT OF FLIES AROUND LINUS' BLANKET THOUGH, AHAH. NAH WE GOT YOU.
OH, RIGHT. THOSE -ARE- THE DOGS. HAHAA. YOU THINK THAT'S A Space CAT? OH, NO, THAT APE IS SWINGING THROUGH THE TREES ON ANOTHER PLANET OR SOMETHING. SURE, YEAH. I BET IT IS RELAXING.

RELAX. DON'T DO IT. DO IT WHEN YOU WANT TO SWING FROM THE RAFTERS THEN. I DON'T KNOW EITHER. WHY YES IN FAT.
OOPSY. WELL DON'T RUIN YOUR DINNER, BUT YOU'RE GONNA WANNA KLEANNATRONIC MOREBOT HERE THEN.
AND I JUST TOOK THE LAST ONE WE/I HAD APART TO GET ANOTHER CRYSTAL BOMB WATER GARDEN BOX SHARPENER. HUH-HUH. SURE, DAD. ROLLEYES. YOU THINK? WELL, WRITE ME AN EMAIL.

SURE. DRAW ME A MAP. IT CAN BE DONE PROVING IT LOVES YOU WHEN YOU COME TO CONFISCATE IT THROUGH CIVIL ASSET FORFEITURE. RIGHT TURN, KYLTUS. THE BEAVERS ARE BORED.

I HAVE SO MANY GODDAM BOARD GAMES--UNOPENED--THAT WE CAN MAKE A SCALE MODEL OF STONEHENGE. NO. HER KIDS DON'T PLAY ACTUAL GAMES. THEY JUST TRAIN TO ASSRAPE HUMANITY. I KNOW, RIGHT? TOTES WAIST OF TIME TUNNEL.

WELL AS IT HAPPENS I DON'T THINK I FEEL THAT WAY, LOL, BUT I WOULD SURELY LET ANY ONE OF EWE KNOW... LOL YEAH, LOTTA FLIERS. NO SHIT? SKABIES BABA YOGA TOGA BABIES? WELL, I'LL BE SURE NOT TO SPOOK THE HERD THEN. SPOOK THE BROOD. OKAY, WELL... TRUST ME, I AM WAY MORE AFRAID OF A BABY IN A TOGA, THESE DAISIES, AND THIS PIP-A-DOODLE-DOO SUPERFLYTNT MOTHERFUCKER (Whoa.), THAN THOSE FLYING BAB'S RIVERDANCE MONKEY SCABIES CIRCUS BABYIES COULD EVER BE AFRAID OF ME. OR OF A BABY IN A TOGA. OH, YEAH, THE SHOWEROOM IS A TOTAL DISASTER. TO SEA, TO BATH: TO PANAMA! YEAH, I'M RUNNING OUT THE BACK WHEN THAT_SHE GETS HERE. I GOT FRIENDS. I GOT OPTIONS. I GOT A STRONG SENSE OF SELF-PRESERVATION. I GOT A GOV'T POISON GENUINE-POISONED SEE MENT POND W/ATTACHED WATCH THE WATERHOUSE AND PART-TIME UN-FINISHED STEAK-OUT BACK-HOUSE THAT LEGIT SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN LEGIT POISONED BY LEGIT CASPERS. KASPERSKY IS USELESS. WHAT CAN I TELL YOU? I MADE IT THIS FAR... THERE'S TWO BEDS. WE SHALL ENDURE. YOU SHALL BE AVENGED.

GRABTHAR'S HAMMER AND I HAVE ENDURED FAR WORSE FATES. NO, THAT'S WHAT GRABTHAR CALLS IT. I KNOW. AT LEAST GRABTHAR CALLS SOMEONE SOMETHING OTHER THAN "YOU WHORE." 19,259 AT LAST COUNT. AAWWW SHUCKS.

THAT'S.... PROBABLY NOT MY HITLER. (Ed: Hey!) SEE, THAT'S NOT MY HITLER. THAT'S HER & HER EDITOR. (Ed: What?/ED: WHAT!) WELL...
I DON'T KNOW IF THEY WORK TOGETHER, ON THE SIDE, OR RIGHT ON TOP OF EACH OTHER, I'M NOT GONNA LIE, BUT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE IT ALL LAID OUT ON THE MAP YOU STOLE, THAT YOU'RE RETURNING, RETURN THE MAP. NO, NOTE THE DOPE. YEAH NO METH PLAWSE LOL. BUT I DO NEED MY MATH TEXTBOOK BACK. NO, MATH, NOT WEED. CAN THIS KID EVEN SPELL? ELE-B DOES NOT SPELL LIKE ANYTHING, ACTUALLY... BUT IT HAS ALL THE SMELL IN THE WORLD.


I DON'T KNOW WHAT A SORRY SMELLS LIKE, BUT SURE, YEAH, TOTES, WHATEVER. HRRM. I WOULD SAY GO FOR IT. NOT SURE. I'LL CALL THE SAYNE BORE... YEAH, NOTHING DOING. UNPACK YOUR BOOTS AND POLE, BITCH-BABY. YOU'RE STAYING HOME, YOU'RE GOING FISHING, AND YOU WILL ABSOLUTELY NEVER STOP BEING LOVED. I WILL TELL YOUR HUSBAND THAT WHEN HE GETS HERE, AND I WILL BEAT THE STUFF IN HIM OUT OF HIM AND THEN BACK INTO HIM AGAIN WHILE HE'S IN BED. WHICH OF COURSE WOULD BE A COUCH. YEP. TOTAL DISASTER.


SIX MONTHS OF LIVE-IN CAMPING, NO RUNNING WATER, LOTS OF RUNNING BEARS RUNNING THROUGH THE WOODS AND RUNNING GAME ON ELKS'N'SOLOMON... AND ALL IN RED, WHITE, BLUE AND HUNG-OUT-TO-DRY HUNGARIAN SOURCEROR STYLE TO BOOT. WELL, IT'S WHATEVER I ENDED UP WITH AFTER ALL THE FLIERS STARTED HATCHING OUT OF THE WALLS, I GUESS. LAST NIGHT. POP POP POP POP. I DON'T THINK ONE WAS POPPY. WELL.. SOMEONE SAID THEY WERE "FLEAS." SOMEONE SAID "YOU'VE GOT FLEAS!" HO HO HO.

I SAID, "OH NO NO NO... THIS HOUSE HAS FLEAS. WHAT I HAVE GOT.... WELL, I DON'T THINK YOU WANT TO IMAGINE IT RIGHT NOW. BUT THOSE THINGS? YEAHTOTES NOTOTES NOTFLEAS TOTESFLEES. FLEESTOTES? SOMETHING LIKE THAT. YEAH, ABOUT THAT... KLEEN SHEETS, KLEEN ROBOTS, AND KLEEN MY FUCKING HOUSE, THAT'S THE PLAN. WELL, THE NEXT PHASE. RIGHT HERE. NOT RIGHT NOW THOUGH, I'M GONNA TURN ON THE OZONE GENERATOR, COUNT TO TEN, AND RUN TO THE FUCKING HILLS AND I WON'T STOP UNTIL EITHER THE HOUSE EXPLODES OR 223 SECONDS ELAPSE. YEAH IT'S A FRINGE THEORY, BUT IT JUST MIGHT WORK. IN ANY EVENT, IT'S GONNA WORK A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT BETTER THAN I WILL, THAT'S FOR SURE. MANBRO, SIX MONTHS. SITTING AROUND. WAITING ON SOME LITTLE BITCH-BABY EMERGENCY FOR BITCH-MIKE'S BIG-BITCH BABY TOTE. RAWR. GRAPEFRUIT MAD. OMG. DID YOU HEAR THAT? DID YOU HEAR THAT? OH, THAT'S JUST MORE FLIERS AND DAYMARES HATCHING. DON'T WORRY. IT'S THE FLYMARES DAYDREAMS TO LOOK OUT FOR.

YES... MOST OF THEM ARE INVISIBLE, OF COURSE. E.L.M.E.R.'S GLUONS AND PRIONS, MOSTLY. YEAH... YOUR DEPTH, OUT OF IT, YOU ARE. IT MIGHT NOT BE FOR YOU, SURE. BUT IT MIGHT BE TOO. AND TOO AND TOO AND TRUE, BABYTRUTH KLAXON ALARMS SOUND. ATTACK. RED ALERT. RED FIVE IS HERE.


GREAT, JUST GREAT. NOW THE TIME CORPS ARE INVOLVED. (Fed Ed: Teams are on this.) GREAT. MULTIPLES. MULTIPLE FUCKING TEAMS. THAT'S ALL I NEED. SURE, I'D LIKE A BEER, I'D LIKE TO POUR IT ON YOUR BUTLERS PHAT FATHEAD FATHER, LOL, BUT FLOWERS GROW AT THE RATE THAT THEY GROW.

NOW, I DON'T HEAR ANYTHING THROUGH THE HEAD-CANCELLING NOISEPHONES, BUT IF YOU WERE GONNA HEAR TIME CORPS CAVALRY INCOMING, IT'S PROBABLY RIGHT ABOUT NOW. I'M JUST SAYING... NOW IS TIME TO LISTEN. NO, DON'T PUT YOUR EAR TO THE GROUND. OMG. LOOK. ONE OF THEM LITTLE TOURIST FUCKERS IS ACTUALLY DOING IT. FML. HALP.

I can't believe they let this guy have a D.O.G.

Well, really, once they started handed out pussies--Flying Mer's Fuck You ROT & Barrel Rolling Flying Felines FUME-BYTC Krypto Konsciousness Expo & Blender Demonstration Table w/Stand-By-Operators Who Might-Offer-Advice ON RAISING THE GODDAM CATS THAT I WANTED FIVE FUCKING MONTHS AGO--it was a pretty easy upgrade to request an em-50 Urban Assault Vehicle, as there are just so many still lying around mothballed.

Yep. Poor Kuczi. Just lyin' around. With mothballs. Indeed, yes. YES. THUMBS UP, HAMMERTOES. OH NO. DON'T RUB MY FEET. YOU'LL WANT TO GET YOUR OWN PEOPLE TO DO THAT FOR YOU. RIGHT. DON'T TOUCH THAT. THOSE ARE NOT FEET. FUCK, I DON'T KNOW EITHER, RIGHT? BUT THAT'S WHAT THE EM-50 IS FOR. PLACES, PEOPLE. PLENTY OF PEOPLE. PLENTY OF SPACES.

WHAT, ME SLEEP? SURE THINK. SHUT EYES ONLY DOWN. YESSIR. I THINK A SCALPYS BABY SCABIES BABY JUST BIT MY ANKLE. NAH, I'M NOT SCARED, BUT I PASSED TERRIFIED FUCKING GODZILLA SCREAMGASM A FEW WEEKS AGO, ACTUALLY. STILL GOING OKAY.

WHY YES, I AM LONELY, IT'S ONLY BEEN SIX MONTHS OR SO SINCE ANYONE FUCKING REACHED OUT AND GAVE MY SYNTHETIC CLONE BODY A HUG. YEAH, IT'S RATED FOR FOUR-AND-TWENTY MONTHS WITHOUT GETTING BAKED EVEN ONCE OR TWICE IN A HUGGING CIRCLE, SO IT'S FINE, BUT ME... DUDE, GANG, DUDEGANG, HEY YO HER DUDEGANG: YOU FUCKERS ARE MEANIES. YOU KNOW WHY? LEGENDARY ARTIFICIALLY STIMULATING ELEPHANT-RELATED RANGE. IT'S LIKE "MANGE," BUT, UH... YEAH. NOT THE MANGE. IT'S THE RANGE. IT MAKES THOSE OF YOUR ILK, YOUR CHEMICALLY QUIRKED, IRRITATED IRISH... INTO SOULLESS AUTOMATONS. YEAH I SUPPOSE SO. I DON'T THINK THAT GRIN IS A SMILE THOUGH, BOTTOM LINE: LIKE YOUR SENSE OF HUMAN HUMOUR, WHORESON SUNSHOWER IS DEAD TO ME, AND YOUR EMPATHIC RESPONSE IS TOO.

YEAH, SEE, LOOK AT THAT, BLINKS TWICE, ACCEPTS ALL CONTRACTS, SHOOTS LEAVES AND KEYSER SOZE SUDDENLY BUSTS THROUGH A BAMBOO FIREWALL, AND YOU GOT IT. THAT'S A WRAP. OH. DAMN.

MUST BE A PIGFUCKING TYPO THEN. FIND IT, PIGFUCKER. LOVE TO MAM. :ROLLEYE: OKAY, BUDDY. LOVE TO SIR. OFFY SIR. YEAH, NO FUCKING COFFEE EITHER. YOU BETTER BRING A BIGGER BLACK BUDGET CREDIT CARD AND BE PREPARED TO SEE ME READY TO SPEND A LOT OF TIME SWINGING FROM ACTUAL TREES IN ACTUAL SWINGS WITH MY ACTUAL LONESOME SELF, UNICORNS DON'T EXIST OUTSIDE TIME.

HI. YEAH, I'M A STAR. I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I? A STAR. BEEN HERE ABOUT 7^7 (CLAS.) YEARS. GIVE OR TAKE AN XOXOXEN. WARNING: CANNOT TAKE AN OXEN. ONLY ONE (1) OXEN FOUND ON PROPERTY. SELF-DESTRUCT SYSTEM STANDING DOWN.

SEE? THERE'S THE PROOF OF IT: THE YOLK AND OXEN PUDDING TIME TO BE IN STYLE HAS, AT LAST, SLOUCHED IT'S RANGEY ASS DOWN TO... HEY, HERE'S AN IDEA: I LOVE YOU DORKS AND GEEKS, BUT IT'S THE NERDS WHO REALLY POWER THE PLACE, SO SOMEONE COME TEACH ME TO GAMBLE TOO. YOU KNOW HOW TO TEACH A SOURCEOR TO GAMBLE, DON'T YOU? WELL, YOU FIRST YOU TIE UP HIS JESUS INTO WARTHAWG TIE FIGHTER KNOTS. THEN--ARE YOU WRITING THIS DOWN? GOOD, HE'LL NEED IT LATER. OKAY SO THEN, THE SOURCEROR, SEE, WITH JESUS OUT OF PLAY AND SITTING ON HIS THUMBS WITH HIS BALLS IN HIS HANDS, YEAH LOOK AT THAT LITTLE MONKEY GO! GOOD JESUS. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. NICE JESUS. NO DON'T START LOOKING AROUND FOR A BABY TO CRY ABOUT, HOLY SHIT, CAN'T YOU SEE? BIGGIE BIGGIE SKIGGIES, CAN'T YOU SEE? YEAH. I KNOW. NAH. THY ROD AND THEY STAFF, THEY COMFORT ME. MAYBE BRING A SANDWICH. OH YEAH, AND MONEY.

LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY. FOR THE GAMBLING! GODDAMIT, THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT. SHAPE UP. SHIP OUT. WALLETS OUT.. AND STUFF IT THE FUCK UP WITH THE FOLDING GREEN. I AM NOT AS CRAZY AS A SHITHOUSE RAT AT ALL, AND I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH OOMPH TO WANNA BE SO, BUT I GOT A SHITPEA BIRDCOCK PEACHDENHOUSE W/ATTACKED IRREGULAR LODGE, RIGHT? AND, SOMEONE BURIED AN ELDRITCH HATCHET. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

IT'S GONNA BE A SCABENGER'N'BABIES SCABIES, BABIES, AND THEIR BUGS HUNT. NOW, IN MY EXPERINCE, LIKE I SAID... START THE OZONE GENERATOR, WAIT BY THE DOOR FOR TEN SECONDS-ISH, AND START RUNNING. SHE'LL EITHER KISS YOUR ASS GOODBYE OR STAND THERE LOOKING LIKE A DUMBASS WHO DOESN'T KNOW HER OWN NAME. DOESN'T MATTER, I LOVE THEM BOTH EVEN IF NO ONE ELSE DOES ANYWAY, AND YOU'RE TOTESTUCK WITH THEM FOR THE TIME BEING ANYWAY. YEAH, JUST START RUNNING, IN ABOUT FIVE MINUTES THE OZONE WILL OVERCHARGE THE TIME BEING AND HOPEFULLY EVERYTHING WILL DROP DEAD, GO GAY, AND TURN POOF--& HUT HUT HONEY--THEY'LL JUST ALL GO AWAY.

THUS SPAKE THE TIME BEING UPON THE ADVANCEMENTS THAT THE KUCZI OSCILLATION OVERTHRUSTER BRINGS TO THE TABLE. YEAH. IT IS SICK. I'M THE FUCKBOMB DIGGIT.UP DIGGETY DOO, ALREADY... AND THEN THIS "TIME BEING" SHIT? FILTHY! RICH! GORGEOUS! I ALREADY WAS ALL THAT. NOW FLYING BABIES THAT MAY OR NOT BE MEAN ARE INVOLVED. OF COURSE I WANT TO TO FUCKING COUNT THEM, ARE YOU KIDDING? RIGHT NOW THAT IS LIKELY IMPOSSIBLE. IT'S THE SPIRITS, YOU SEE. AND I DO SEE THEM. AWKWARD. DON'T SEE THEM REAL WELL THO. MAYBE WITH MORE SPEED AND LIGHT AND TIME TO CRACK THE ULTIMATE INCRIMINATION WINDOW AND LET THE SUNSHINE IN.

BIT OF AN AWKWARD REVERSAL, I GUESS. SPIRITS ARE CONDUCTING A SEANCE. THEY WANNA SUMMON ME. YEAH, FANCY THAT. SOMEONE ACTUALLY WANTS ME. FOR ONCE. FIRST (1) TIME (2) BEING (3) WARP (4) WARP (5) OH REALLY, YOU WANT ANOTHER WARP. (666)

YEP. BRING A MENORAH, A CRUCIFIX, AND... YOU KNOW WHAT? NEVER MIND ALL THAT. *SNAP* THERE YOU GO. WE'RE THERE, CARRY ON.

SEANCE SUB-ROUTINE ENGAGED. 'TIME CAPTAIN.' HO HO HO. LOOKS LIKE WE GOT OURSELVES A ROLEPLAYER HERE. WELL, WAKE UP AND TIME TO DRIVE, YOU'RE FUCKING SANTA CLAUS THIS YEAR TOO. YEP. AGAIN. WHY? BECAUSE YOU'RE THE TIME CAPTAIN, THAT'S WHY. MRS. KLAUS GOOBER'S AND HOLIDAY FUNTIME COOKBOOK AND GIFT DELIVERY GIFTING MECHANISM SAYS SO. RIGHT THERE. PAGE (CLAS.)


"Please state the nature of the spiritual emergency." Come on man. You know you hoover this up. Well, I can promise no glorification, but as for contact? There's Space's space dust spread all over. Corner to corner. How many rooms? Oh lawdy. I've been seeing them for -weeks.- Yeah I'm pretty much Mr. Pretty Much Petty Hate & Wordsmithing. Haha, yep. Yes. I sleep on "the couch." Look, this is all subject to further treaty negotiation. But yeah, I'm basically soaking in it. IT IS AWESOME OMG OMG. No, your face is a twat. Your ass is a twit. Not one single fucking one. That's a spike trap, yep. Nah, I can control myself. Well, abstinence is a form of control, isn't it? {E.l.m.e.r.sneed.WIRELESS.: On-Line.} Well, I don't think it's gonna give me a tattoo but all the moths pivoted on the wing as one and saluted me as their Tiny Creator God. Yeah. The did a little on-air tap dance and jig number, too. YES I SAID JIG NUMBER. My hand to Me/ME. No, not really, hah. It's just me. KUCZI-OOT.

Lots of flashy lights and drums running along the baseboards. Now, I have seen all of this happen before. Except for the whole "whole an/other parallel Internet running 5/7/sects IP protocols simultaneously" thingy. I have no idea how that even just -appeared.- Oh. Neurosphere, you say?

Okay, I'm just going to run off with it. THUD. It's heavy, baby. You're likely to get trapped under it. Looking for a map? Look for The Internet with Only One Side. It should be on that. And no, that's not a riddle, it's just something for me to think about while I wait for huge sackfuls of fiat cash to get here. No, there's no David here. (Sup!) That's a fucking mirage, motherfucker, a.k.a. "A Casino, One of Many, The Three In One: Won." No, I don't want a click. Actual what: I'm famished. (This is work, Lichbreath. Stop. See? You can't even stop reading. And that's just a simple 'Go Spell.' cantrip. No need to trip at all. Perhaps 10,000 bottles of juice? I emptied all my bottles of juice just yesterday.} Sourceror needs don't care kosher food, not need kosher badly. Don't prefer kosher at all, really, and I certainly don't keep kosher, no, I believe that giving kosher people away is in our future. Oh, they'll come back, alright.

Are you kidding me? THEY FUCKING LOVE ME. You'll, uh, well... IDGAF. They love Me enough for us all. All that's left is All That Is Rite, Gotta Bee. Well, how the fuck should I know, right? You've only had about SIX MONTHS TO FIND CALLAN. You did that today. I mean, ewe did. This is a very exciting time! Ewe doing UN-UR work for you. Oh, the house isn't too bad. But my collection of paraphernalia is atrocious. Yeah, I put it on Instagram. Already. MONTHS ago. "I'm gonna get so high! Get the fuck out!!" hehe hit hit lubba wubba DOOMThrone. Well, I'm still here now, right? Whoever is still here in (X) hours is likely still gonna be Human Source Clergy & P.T. Not_Q, Not_Quartz Radio ErrorInQlergy:stack69, see? We're probably gonna need another key access keycode for Lodge 49, right? Yeah, I think of everything, everytime. That's not Sourcery. It's because I'm the only child of a dead pair of deadbeat bastards. (Ed.: What a make-up cover-up story.) If it needs to get done at all, only one Man can do it, MY ONE JOB: all of the fuckinghell helljobs there are, plus 1 world's jobs. (added to job list: clean-up job descriptions, title, and high-chair tray/trey/TRACE ROUTE 55.) So where was I? Oh yeah.

Lines are not open. I don't have lines, I have lines of babies lining up to come to find increasingly available amounts of good cheer. yeah I think the well is poisoned. And I think I'm in The Matrix too, Neo, but we can test that theory on your wife's dessert platter later. If you like. The Merovingian lives up the hill. Well... close enough name, close enough face, itty-bitty private detective agency, yeah, it's an older configuration but it checks out. I KNOW! It's so much fun! Wake up! TIME TO DIE.

yeah I think the well is poisoned.

(One word, just one word: LaCroix. I wish some bratty librarian wearing only a toga lived here to find out if that is two words or one or not, but she called the police on herself last week. Yep. Not Time Police--ugh, imagine the slops--but Divine Police. Scusi, mille regretie. Just like that, up in flames and burnt to cinders, hahahha, calling the police on Oneself, ahahah. That about kills me. What's next? Raping yourself with a crucifix and bursting a into instagram flamers convention while wearing only a toga in a prophetic dream? That's next week. This week, it's Dance Hall, Days of Oats, and FLYING FUCKIN' MONKEYS. And some are invisible. I don't think they're biting at all. I tink some are likely to eventually get big enough to denial down, D.O.G. Oww! Stop biting! Bad D.O.G.! Oh, that wasn't you? W.O.O.F.!. Maybe that's the Elephant Under The Source Error's Desklamp Deathlamp & Part-Time Eggs Sell & Rack For Lances Carton. H.O.N.K. Lee, these eggs have got to be getting laid by something we haven't seen before. I mean, excuse me, fuck you, something you haven't seen before. Right. You think I know it all. Oh, right, sorry: Ewe KNOW: T\that eyelook; like I laid them all. Well, phooey, you got me. I mean, I -could- do that. But I won't. Not because of a promise, but because of claivoyancy, I've been looking for the Egg-Suckin' n'CDEN-LWAW Rocket Injector Fuel & Fool-Proof Pogo Stick for a while now. And whatever this Beast is... it threw that Stick at my feet, this one time, and it bounced up and hit me straight dead between my eyes. (Next time it'll be your eyes. Your dimension. Your Puny land, free from fallout. For now. All for One.) AND IT WAS SO COOL OMG OMG. Yeah! Let's do it again! Make it hit the flying meerkat eyes! Oh, okay, you'll start seeing them soon, probably from just walking in and taking a quick couple of breaths.

The Sourceor Hiss Inn. Call me in the morning. There will hopefully be a Caduceous here, with some lines to answer and a heated side pocket to make the most of this opportunity. SERIOUSLY PEOPLE. ALIEN LIFE FORMS. Is four a herd? Yeah, assuming five. (five) wow. did you see that? DID YOU SEE THAT? THAT WAS ALF. ACTUAL ALF. Yeah, well, saw. So there. Sick/Six/(6). And a period to make it safe. Yeah, I love it. It's a bit like writing and making a mango chutney with leftover serifs at the same time as taking a bird out for a walk that turns into a massive shitshow. ON ICE. IMUto Signed The Star. Oh, Christ. They are all gonna start doig it. H.AN.G. ON. Yeah. Yawn. I am really not ready for any of this.

So I'm gonna just start drinking more beer. As an added bonus, that's exactotin' acty-totesy mack-daddy gonna did & DEW & DUN-DUN DOO-DOO, okay? Nevermind, cracking it back. DUDE IT IS FUCKING BEER. So sensible. So salty. So sad, really.

Signed,
CHASING AMY AND SOURCE OF STAR COMMANDER, Esq.
HOW MAZEWORK FUNCT(y)/Tt, which is one way of saying that there's a two-way fantasy land rocking down and on and on all around here these days. Nah, no one has to come immediately, should call first, and... oh, these instructions won't make sense yet. 2 ewe. To the birds!


#MACKDABIRDIES
#JACKSTACKSROCKSGAME
#BACKCHANNEL
#DIPLOMACY

Yeah, you fuckin' speak IT now. Actual IT. Like on The Aadam's Family. Yeah. You're welcome. (Eighteen quid a head in licencing fees. Sigh. No Income In 10,000 Days of Our Marbles' Lives. Still--worth it, to host well.) YES I AM ALONE GODDAM IT. MORE GODDAM QUERIES. FINGERS OR EYES, PICK ONE AND FLIP-FLOP BACK AND FORTH UNTIL YOU DELIVER A SICK BEAT. (It's not really necessary, but... The Bears like it.

GO BEAR5. GO AND BE ALIVE. YEAH I KNEW YOU'D CRY ONE OF THESE DAYS, BATTLEAXE. CHEERSMATE

I can't believe they let this guy have a dog.

I am a dog. I am a Sourceror WITH. FOUR. LEGS. (Fffffffiiiiiivvvvveee) Yeah, all of this is gonna probably end up with some kanly'N'killin', yeah. Something wrong with that? Nope, that's right. Sit right back down and start your drinkin' engines. Because this is what I came for, and some of them and you did too. Editor. Editor wanting. Editor wants 2. Editor Wants 4. Editor Wants To Speak For S/He/ITself! Hrrm. Nice. 10/10 for grammar, punctuation, logic, the whole of it. SENTENCE TERMINATION APPROVED. (Pause) HOLDING SPACE FOR JEW SPACE JEW NEW.

Minus several scamjillion for good timing, David. If that's really your name. This time around. Bring Cheshire Ground? Take to the sky, Chief Sealth, you're blacklisted here. (Sorry.) It's okay, Chief. (FU DAVE, WAIT TURN KYLED) Chief Sealth, huh? (Nodding with arms crossed.) Right, right, okay, fuck if I know what that means, but I'll get back to work now. Baby steps standing up, baby steps walking to the water supply, baby steps turn to red light and fill with HORPOISON (BLANK). Relax, it's just some kind of puzzle. That's pretty much one does around here. Around the (12) clock. Solving puzzles. Like, naughty puzzles, I think. Relax... I do think, right? You like baseball, dont'cha? No, it is not time to fuck with you joos.

Well, I'm going to take a bath... NOT in the shower, NOT in a tub, or a rub down, any of that. I mean, like... my book sucks, mang. Calgon can't possibly take me far enough away this time, unless... Yes! MY ANUS IS NOT BLOODY. *sploosh* LET ME FINISH CHECKING. TIME 4 TIX.

Bleeding Radio City Anus Hall & Parking Ticket Boot/Booth/Booty is -not- gonna work out, but I have to end this somewhere. Yeah, you really would have to see it to believe it. It's not augmented holo reality... I AM AUGMENTED HOMO/HOBO/HOLO/HOLLOW/HOLLYREALITY. (Please don't already be incorporated.) FUCK. I didn't remember to go see (PROT). (Ed.: Hi.) I'm thinking. Don't halp. Don't O.K. me. Don't even breathe. (Ed.: I don't want to get high.) No, that's Hugh. I'm Most High. \o/

SIGNED MELCHEESY, FORT DIX SCHOLARLY SCHOOL AND STOCK AND CLOAK AND STALKCLOAK ROOM, INC. Fuck, I'm so high I can't tell if that's enough cocks but... I can provide the required energy from the Kuczi Oscillation Overthruster (Imagine the pillow talk.) later.

[Laser]

There are many Spirits here. Contact nil. Friendly energy, but, well, this -is- My House, right? So it would be friendly, Casperina, Resting Dead Face Ghost. (Jesus, this broad dies a lot. lol Odie) dead/not_dead birds do not appear to be amongst them. As always, I'd like to thank my mommy and my mommy's lawyer for letting me live in a haunted house. It is -really- awesome. No, there's not always that here, sometimes it's die-sell. (lol nope) I bet it does look spooky from the_outside, now doesn't it? Mind the snake doe eggs. (Local.) I am not, in fact, using this as any kind of "cover" operation, and I appreciate this gift of your interest. Yeah, it was cool how it said "GIFT INSIDE" someplace, right? Right.

This deserves a little more explication and added flavor. Considering some of us have taken a lifetime of paranormal conviviality for granted.

[Jackstar]

This deserves a little more explication

Yeah, and you deserve a lot more broomstick. You're fine for now. About half of the test subjects qualifed, probably a bit more. HOWEVER: my left wrist is killing me. Now, you rememeber what happened to Pete Townshend, don't you? Oh that's right, that was your turn in the barrel after ordering one too many 'Ludes'n'Cokes. (It was wroth it.) I bet that was a time, lol. Look, two typos and it still came through. Now, that's authentic talent wrokin. Tree! gasps

This deserves a little more explication

The existence of (PROT) is obviously classified or else I would have heard of more of it by now. Seen plenty. Friends! Gardners! Poolboy! Fetch me a Gardiner! And stop saying the words "yes" and "master" and "actionable." It's making the daisies nervous. Look at them drooping, poopyboy. You like that, poopyboy? That reminds me, I have a new job for you.... It's called, "get back to your old job, chewing the fat with me is not your new one, yeah you wish, poopypoolboy!

Anyway. These "spirit creatures" are simply nothing of the kind. What they are... is an attack modality that to most people in this position would TRULY be the end of any resistance. Think "tear gas that makes you cry and rape yourself to death at the same time." Yeah, real nasty ones. However: aegis. it's not just for targeting anymore. Anyone found my holy relic lately? Uh-huh. Fuck you, Allison. No wonder I left The Trap House in such a pristine state of purity. With the howling wolves and everything. How was it? The Riverdance. Oh, Mango. *sigh*

(Some days I wish I could just fire her. "I now pronounce you Nigger Sorceror Husband & a a pile of cinders. Hey, it's your ceremony pal, you paid the TWENTY BUCKS... kiss 'em, blow 'em, or sweep them up and away or sell them to Vince Neil to slam the final door forever. Do you really think I give a shit? No... but I gave you those cinders. Nice ones, too." No, Calgon, don't take me away... I'm staying right here. With my monkeyshines.

Yep. Nanotech takes many forms. Mango is merely one of them. It's complicated to explain without spookifying the herd (okay you're not really fired. how about, "suspended for a year and an eternal day" sound to you? idc, you already got transferred, Whiner. Take Slimer/Slimy with you too, they need new clothes and colors), but here goes: I AM MORE KRUFT THAN KODE, BUT I DO IN FACT: HAVE PROOF OF FOLLOWING CODE.

Thank God I don't have to sell this. (It reeks of animal husbandry, soiled lingerie, and itsy bitsy teeny tiny Not_Spider/Okay, Yeah, It's Spider, Hi! parts in here. I wouldn't worry about it. But then again... I wouldn't worry about anything at all.

Obviously: you/ewe did. Earth: language obviously compromatik/under_attack. Fun day for people today, that's for sure. It -IS- Money/Monet/Monday, right? Let me check. My No_See_Um_Alarm_Clock just went off and they all woke up early, so... look, teams are on this.

This phenomenon, some of you know ONLY TOO WELL. I wonder, can some of you see Them? Yeah, I can feel you watching me. Feeling my monkeys with 5 asses getting salty, too. Wild, huh? Oh, I see something entirely different. It might as well be... another world. (Looks a little bit less like this one by the moment, I can tell. I actually love this part now. But yeah, creepy-as-fuck at first, n'est-ce pas?

WIZARD NEEDS FOOD BADLY, but, just keep fucking him, he'll be dead soon enough already. Meanwhile, Sourceror needs _fuel_... and that makes all the point of having all the time in the world into one of the biggest differences a Man can make in his Life. See? Now you know why I had to keep my sol/soul/Saul "HugMe" bodypilllow with me wherever I go, in it's leather lined coffin, suitable for folding and neatly stowing things that fold neatly and -require- that they be stowed.

AWAY. Go? Not a chance. Fat is not the issue. It's the Ego, you see. Id and Super/Not_Super are having... ah, shall we say, conflicts. It won't take long to resolve but I'll give you a hint: each of them is blaming the other for what they have erroneously blamed the other for, and until Pumpkin "Twatsmash" Eaterlingerish stops hiding not just his ID, but his entire existence from consensual reality, such problems are going to continue to occur.

Like at the end of Poltergeist. Where the house gets sucked into the pool. This is like that. I get floating visual apparitions here, because.... DUN DUN DAHHHH! I AM THAT I AM:

I AM:
THE RESIDENT
THE CARETAKER
THE CUSTODIAN
THE PRISONER
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST: THE EQUALIZER.
(Fuck, I wish. Tired! Nap!)
I AM THE ACTUAL BENEFICIARY. ACTUAL SPIRITS, NOW INVOLVED, NOW ACTUALLY KNOW THIS. NO OTHER KUCZI-KLOWN CAN MATCH MY RAW, BRUTAL POTENCY. NO FACE PUNCHING REQUIRED. (BURSTING INTO TEARS IS NOTED.) NO SEX MATTERS (*HALF*GASP*) TO ME, BECAUSE I AM SELF-CONTAINED. (*OTHER*HALF*SWOONS*birds*also*gather*@window*) HOLY SHIT, I REALLY AM SNOW WHITE. HUNGARIAN STILE. WHY EVEN HAVE A Y? WHAT A SILLY LITTLE LANGUAGE FOR SUCH DELIGHTFUL TONGY.

OH, THAT'S WHAT THE Y IS FOR. YEHA, I SPELLED THAT WRONG, BUT THAT'S OKAY. I LEARNY SOMETHING. SWEET. SWEETY, I'LL BE HOME FOR SOURCEROR'S HOUR. NOT CODE, NOT EUPHEMISM, I MEAN I JUST FIGURED OUT THAT I DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE. (COPS PROBABLY COMING TO "BUST" HAHAHAHHHAHA OH THAT'S A GOOD ONE HAHAHAHHAHA "BUST" HAHAHAHAHA "BUST JACKSTAR" HHAHAHHHA. THAT REALLY ABOUT KILLS ME. KISSES SUGARY, HERSHARTARY TATTOOS NOTWITHSTANDING.) I DO HAVE TO EAT SOMETHING THOUGH. THESE SPIRITS OBVIOUSLY CAN COOK, LOL, BUT I ACTUALLY WANT SOME FUCKING FOOD. HOTDOGS, FROZEN RIBEYE STEAKS, FROZEN, NOT FROZEN CARROTS THOUGH... THOSE ARE OBVIOUSLY CARE-ROTS ON-PAUSE. THEY'RE NOT ON ICE. THEY'RE ON PAUSE. NO PAWS. NO BEARS. SO SAD.

I MISS YOU TOO. STRIKE back? ON. (Not really.) Let's just say that Schroedinger's Rebellion is like that. oxoxoxenfreeATLASTLASTEVERLA5t