AzzCast Discussion

[Jackstar]

While I listen to myself as filler, they all listen to themselves in a choir of angels. #Peace

[Starr Mountain]

I'm up to latest. Now, I am honestly puzzled--I am out of the loop, utterly.

"totes" doesn't cut it. Whatever their problem was, whatever their ultimate situation was, is and has always been, completely inscrutable to me. This has a lot to do with my lifestyle focus, but also has a lot to do with the impact this zeitgeist has on these peoples' actual lives.

Hi, I'm Jackstar. I am as a worm. No better than. What is said about me is just as applicable to any part of me as any other. But, these people... wew lad.

I'm curious, but it's not my business. Like, what the fuck? How are these people doing, what they're doing? I have no idea. But it fascinates me.

I really enjoy the parts where individuals attempt to imply that I sound terrible, ill, fucked up, whacked... "truth be told, I see many of the same behaviors I exhibited"

"he sent me HUNDREDS of text messages," omg. Hundreds. As I live and breathe.


Now, as it happens, I happen to love hearing people re-broadcast their texts and such. The meaning is always separated by a strange band of noise, when read by someone who didn't write it in the first place.

"Jackstar is busy calling me every five minutes" Well... perhaps.


I wish to thank you, Azzerae, because this is not an experience most people ever have--my name, my talent, my likeness, my mojo, MY GOD--it's a bizarre experience, and couldn't possibly be the same for anyone else. The fact that this content exists--"you have exhibited abusive behavior"--oh, lordy. Sure, okay.

A great effort is being undertaken to create a narrative flow that looks, in the aggregate, as though it is less positively trending upward than it actually is.

For example: the implication that there is something shameful about directing Uhura to open hailing frequencies and prepare to be contacted by Rubini... so what? To whom? All these givens. So few fans left of quality tradecraft.


Sigh. "She was a goddam lying bitch." Well, there you go. What a terrible thing to say. I must have deserved being lied to.

I am willing to believe a person can change. In fact, by the time you have finished reading this sentence, I may have grown up a little more

Additionally, Azzerae does not clue into the important query when discussing who I am "speaking with." Why it matters who I communicate with is an interesting question, and maybe I'll talk about that later with one of the several dozen people I could re-acquaintant myself with, a process I have held in abeyance while dealing with the recovery aspects of having been dating a human trafficker family.

It wasn't that bad, but it's fun to put it that way.

Yes.  I know it is difficult.  But if you just take your 'quiet time' to relax and re-group, clarity will return and your focus sharpened.  Don't give up on those who care about you and have given you the opportunity to publicly address yourself to the world.   

[Jackstar]

Yes.

I'm not gonna lie, (PROT): you say that to just about damn near anything.

I know it is difficult. 

No, you don't! You know that it is taking me longer than it reasonably ought to, but it is not that it is difficult--for me--it is that I am simply savoring the drawn out experience while the stragglers make their way onboard. It is taking way, way, WAY TOO long, however it would appear that it has been worth the effort and expense. I suppose it is difficult *cough* for me to be as certain as I am, but... fuck it, I can fake it live. We're golden here.

But if you just take your 'quiet time' to relax and re-group, clarity will return and your focus sharpened. 

Well, yeah, and I'll turn into a Betamax VCR, so, I think I'll take my quiet time and return to my first love, reading all the books in the library at random until I find one that mentions how to open dimensional portals by consuming my own (blank).

(Seriously, it's in one of those books somewhere. What better place to hide something from the hyoo-mons, than a book? Hell's bells, put it in a chessboard, they'll fuckin' never find it.)

Don't give up on those who care about you and have given you the opportunity to publicly address yourself to the world.

I haven't; I've simply modified my skein of abilities to include bossing people around without being completely embarrassed by my arrogance, audacity, and altogether out-of-place humility. Like, what the fuck. I don't have to be humble, Punylings--it's just a good idea for you.

[Jackstar]

While I listen to myself as filler, they all listen to themselves in a choir of angels. #Peace

I'd feel better about having been on to this already if I hadn't already been on this level eight or nine times. And you think I'm taking a long time. There's this one guy, eight or nine doors down: he's sitting in one place waiting for one flower to bloom. Now, that's devotion.

He thinks it's gonna be a dryad but it's actually just more opium, but, still. He's devoted. Someone give him a hand.  Besides, he might be right. What do We know?

[Starr Mountain]

I'm not gonna lie, (PROT): you say that to just about damn near anything.

No, I do not.  In fact, this is the first time I've said this to anyone - or anything.

No, you don't! You know that it is taking me longer than it reasonably ought to, but it is not that it is difficult--for me--it is that I am simply savoring the drawn out experience while the stragglers make their way onboard. It is taking way, way, WAY TOO long, however it would appear that it has been worth the effort and expense. I suppose it is difficult *cough* for me to be as certain as I am, but... fuck it, I can fake it live. We're golden here.

You seem to be going through great and difficult lengths trying to convince me that I do not know the difficulties through which you are going.  Dear friend.  I think thou protests too much.

Well, yeah, and I'll turn into a Betamax VCR, so, I think I'll take my quiet time and return to my first love, reading all the books in the library at random until I find one that mentions how to open dimensional portals by consuming my own (blank).

(I can't believe you haven't figured THAT one out yet).

(Seriously, it's in one of those books somewhere. What better place to hide something from the hyoo-mons, than a book? Hell's bells, put it in a chessboard, they'll fuckin' never find it.)

No. Not a chessboard. A Rubik's Cube. Heh-Heh.

I haven't; I've simply modified my skein of abilities to include bossing people around without being completely embarrassed by my arrogance, audacity, and altogether out-of-place humility. Like, what the fuck. I don't have to be humble, Punylings--it's just a good idea for you.

You misunderstand what being Humble is. It is NOT weakness or submission. It is a form of respect.

[Worthauger]

Another form of respect is known as "The Shocker" ...

And I've only ever given it with my mind.
And I have come to find it works even better that way, especially if one is already smart, and especially if one is looking to give respect.

I've heard that uploading conversations that two people had on the phone at 4:00 a.m. before they went to go look at a sailboat is pretty respectful too but I have decided to go another route.

AND THAT HAS MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE.

[Harley Quinn]

LISTEN & DOWNLOAD

YAS!  Gold

[AZZERAE]

YAS! Gold

Why, thank you!

[Jackstar]

Why, thank you!

Project Looking Glass: eat your fucking heart out. I told you I was coming to get them, and I fucking well did, now didn't I?






When all of all y'all put yourself back together again, I have one request: rename yourself "Project Humpty Dumpty," and huddle up around the water cooler the next time my name (KUCZI, learn to spell it) comes up, because... before making any moves, you dig?

You're all gonna wanna pour yourselves a long tall glass of shut the fuck up. Have a couple. DRAIN THE BARREL. Christ. You People have no idea what you've done... because now, you've not just made me alert, you've also made me happy.

There's no telling what I might do next. Rawr. Now, go on, shoo. Go have a nap in the future, maybe you can dream about what I'm gonna do tonight, and when you ever do in fact wake up (if that ever happens, yawn) you can pay the credit bureau for all the champagne I'm gonna need to christen all these valkyries that are lining up outside my motel window.

It's not the "Bates Motel." It's HOTEL VOLCANO, MOTHERFUC--*click*

[Worthauger]

Clarification: the bottle of pills that I got from the psychiatrist, was returned to the same doctor on the next visit. It was dispensed to me, as a bottle which seemed to be factory-sealed... but the manner in which it was dispensed to me, led me to suspect it was perhaps not as "sealed" as one might be generally willing to believe.

So I noticed, just now, that when I was telling this story, that I misspoke, slightly: look I'm not going to lie, it's kind of hard to deal with the Needles Of Azazel while trying to lay out the truth.

There was a pill bottle sealed that came into a cardboard box sealed, I took the pill bottle out of the cardboard box so I broke that seal but I did not break the seal on the bottle, so when I handed the bottle back to the psychiatrist, it was a sealed bottle of pills.

He looked at the bottle, checked the seal to see if it was unused (best verifying the veracity of my story), and as he slipped the bottle into his pocket, the left hand pocket of his white lab coat—the magic robe that indicates that he's the one with the magic power—you're marked out loud, "Boy I wish I had this an hour ago."

And that's as far as I took the matter. I wasn't there to penetrate a secret, but I was obviously seeing a code phrase, and as I had no interest in either drug seeking behavior or drugs for the sake of drugs or penetrating the mysteries of bribery that surrounds his profession... It's taken me this long to have a good reason to tell that story.

Cuz I wasn't never trying to get around the rules to get drugs prescribed to me that I didn't need or want. I was just curious lad, exploring the boundaries of his environment. That's it, and that's all. And that's why I'm not going to prison for manipulating the medical system. Cuz I wasn't.

And now they'll never prove it. Thank God. (The threats of man like me has to deal with in modern society doesn't just include vivisection; it starts with that threat. The actual threat. This fucking planet. G-ddam.) Now do you see how difficult is to rescue people? It's not just a matter of bringing down flying saucers and letting them get on board.

For one thing, they have to get clearance. This step alone can take weeks.

And, it has. And that's the story of how I never took Abilify... If that in fact was what was in the bottle anyway. I couldn't testify to the truth of it. My hand to God. But whatever was in that bottle, I never swallowed it, and I have absolutely no fucking regrets at all.

This was before the nose surgery. I prefer to actually solve my problem rather than to find the best possible treatment that they can hook me on for life that costs dollars every month. Call me silly, call me paranoid l, call me crazy, but what I really am... is frugal.

Hey any of you guys ever read Brave New World? Yeah, me neither. Toodles!


p. s.: The genesis for this idea came about from a book I read in second grade, by the way. About the only man to successfully con Al Capone and live. (He did die alone in prison but... maybe not for that reason.;) )

[Worthauger]

YAS!  Gold

... Battle. Puzzle battle. It's so fucking on RN. (rn rn rn)

[Worthauger]

LISTEN & DOWNLOAD

I haven't heard this one yet. I've been busy a lot, I missed it. Thanks! Seems pretty goddam relevant.

FULL DISCLOSURE: I haven't called any police or other agency for assistance. But, I assure you, by this point, I have responded to their inquiries plenty, fully answering their questions, and closing with, "I have no idea, and, I would prefer not to make anything get worse." And, I don't think I have.

I really don't think my friends who have, by now, expressed concern to Authority as to how I have clearly been abused, are anyone to blame for erring on the side of caution. I'm sure that things have looked terrible for me, from the outside, and at times, in fact: they have been, at times, horrific. I literally saw the woman begin to try to claw her own eyes out, which is something that I had heard can happen and as I saw it start to transpire, I knew I had to take steps at that moment. And I did so. Gently. Listen, don't believe me, look it up, this is what can happen in such a situation. In the past I have seen somebody cut their own leg open. I didn't know that could happen then. And I wasn't involved directly in that situation. And there were other people there.

It was in my own house, in my own bedroom, we were there together alone, what was I supposed to do, just stand there and watch her drive her own thumbs into her own eyes? Yeah, no problem, happy to go to jail for three nights to avoid that outcome. I was also happy to go to jail and stay there while she stayed home. I'm sure she would not have enjoyed jail either. Not like me, I was left alone to sleep. I didn't have a kid coming in 2 days for a visit. I already warned relevant parties that I might be going away for a while—call it a precognitive vision, there was obviously something being planned behind my back.

HAPPY HANUKKAH HORROR PICTURE SHOW.
(I can assure you that there are those out there who would hope that we both die. A murder/suicide would make some of these people happier than a pig in slop. I'm sure I will be forgiven if I come out as being in opposition to this outcome—and, I have.)


Also, there were concerns from some that I was dodging taxes or laundering money or being unknowingly manipulated by hidden bad actors—and some of those concerns have clearly proven themselves to be a legitimate concern.

Like, wow. WOW! The shit I have seen. Wow. I am amazed at what some people thought they could get away with.

I am a Divinely Ordained being, and I am a Discordian Pope—but I'm not The Pope. You fuckers wanna hide behind a pointy hat... you best pick another goddam shiney dome. I am a human being, motherfucker, I'm not a clown in a tax shelter handing out shredded lawsuits.

It's cool that some of you noticed that I was in a position to do that though. But trust me, know me, believe me; I can barely boil water to make tea for myself at this point, I don't have the cognitive capacity to dodge taxes myself, let alone help anybody else. And that's on record.


Dari: other video is marked private. I assume you know this and you're giving me a subtle signal that something isn't my business. Well thank God something isn't. I'm running out of thumbs, they're running out of plums, and there's all these pies stacking up in the hallway.

You know come to think of it isn't lasagna a kind of a pie? Lettuce, consider.

[AZZERAE]

There was a pill bottle sealed that came into a cardboard box sealed, I took the pill bottle out of the cardboard box so I broke that seal but I did not break the seal on the bottle, so when I handed the bottle back to the psychiatrist, it was a sealed bottle of pills.

He looked at the bottle, checked the seal to see if it was unused (best verifying the veracity of my story), and as he slipped the bottle into his pocket, the left hand pocket of his white lab coat—the magic robe that indicates that he's the one with the magic power—

Huh. Well, I guess you were old enough to know better, but too young to really care. They call that a day late and a dollar short in some juridictions.

Come to find out, ol' Cooze came out on top, after all. 'Nigga!' The bugs say different. Monitering, scanning all: Kobold after Kobold, a couple sprites and an albino pygmy with down's syndrome later, we get this?! You gotta be kidding me.

With every dose I ante up-- and, in endless day-to-day shallowness, a monotony leaves me wondering years later where all the time went. And so sorry that it's gone.

Coming down: With brief periods of wakefulness, my sleep lasted several days. For most of that time Jewel lay beside Jack, watching the shadows. Surfacing some time after, I pondered the still invisible tome. Standing stooped - like JFK, slumped, head in pieces - I tugged at the long, thin, end of my tether. It took its form in tobacco, of course.

Staring dead-eyed, so blankly. Deadpan. I thought, 'Maybe that’s what the quasars that stand sentinel at the end of the universe are all about. They are the spots where people like Socrates and Christ dug through; they are windows into bright and terrible wisdom. They are warnings.'

Ah, who gives a fuck. See. Humanity could be clutching the frail barque of an outmoded world view while the wind of the mind is swaying the stars into very real craft, and out of them is coming a faint call for help-- from a lady in a flowered dress.

'Point is, don't get too hung up on the impervious.' [darted across my minds-eye.] Because he who fights with monsters should guard against himself becoming a monster. See? When you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you. 'The coat. Its BEYOND GOOD AND EVIL. Despite this loosely fitted straitjacket, uncuffed and flapping freely.'

THEY are the real nuts. Not US, in here. God, I'm thrilled about my absence now. What speaks volumes with such clarity as the deafening silence?

I. blinded by the Sun. An "Icarus." You were my closing act.

[Worthauger]

vow of silence?

I. blinded by the Sun. Icarus. You were my closing act.

I understood and agree with every single goddam word. I'm not just rolling tough like this eternally because I can, and it's overall a whole lot of fun. Oh no, this is not my idea of a good time to encourage the repetition of just for own pleasure, or even own education.

But I will always be on the side of those who have nothing and who are not even left alone long enough to enjoy what little nothing they have in peace, and I'd be happy to sign up for another deep cycle again for all of this if We really have to. I don't enjoy most of this, but I do enjoy being skilled and disciplined enough to perform my duty with the appropriate diligence and not get overly addicted to the tremendous cosmic power I'm wielding In This Moment of Now. (Have you ever been a judicator? It is breathtaking, I assure you.)

I don't think we do. But I've really been wrong on that score 8 or 9 times before just in the last 2 years. And the service of God is nothing I'm going to sneeze at.

And I'm not going to beg God for another chance to restore my relationship, as that's not what I'm here to do in life. I can imagine that people who knew me on my youth might imagine that I'd be different now but, no, no no, no no no: I'm not trying to turn back time.

I did do that. Once. That was plenty. I don't need to request that happen again unless there's a good reason, and I don't see one at all.

Is it my fault if somebody might have seen me do it and then learned how to do it themselves? Arguable. Take it up with somebody who still has skin in the game.

And, no, I have an absolutely no idea who such a person might be. Now, no more questions, please. I have a headache. I have low blood sugar. My anus is bleeding. I have to get ready for the Sunday matinee, I think they're changing my lines for next week, oh God, how long did Cats play on Broadway? cuz this is worse.

“I loathed it. It was much worse than Cats."

That's about where I'm at. Still--worth the tribble. Trouble. Triple banana split. Semper fi

[AZZERAE]

My anus is bleeding.

I love the smell of sodomy in the morning.