Azz, I was looking forward to catching your li{^|f}e, but I chose to prioritize {sticking it to The Man|infuriating my girlfriend in Canlandia} rather than rushing to your Ayyyyfricka Papi Rick y-La Rick o-La Rick-Rick-Rick (but no pickle! awww) PAEDOVORE APPRECIATION REUINION STREAM! It was the inaugural event, right? You're gonna have another? 'Course you're gonna have another!
The state of our trauma-bonded nemesis-centric bruh-UH-UM-UN-un.row.mans (it's "mens" right? SAwwy, Sowwy) remains stronger than ever! Do I deliver... or do I delibba? NIGGA ONLY YOUR KAFE-DRINKIN' KEFIR-TAINTED CHAO'S MILK DUD DEAL EVE AERIE DUDE, d00D (that's his name. "d00D." I know, it's close to Da'oud, but...) >KNOWS.FO'.SHO'..
In all seriousness, I forgot all about you. That's how much I enjoy skating Loch Fuches at the edge of the Mountains of Madness. I also had time to download shitloads of TOTALLY CLASSIFIED BATTLESPACE INTELLGENCE after I YAPPED MY YAPPER OVER MY YAP-HOLE ABOUT YAPPY THINGS I SHOULDN'T EVER HAVE BEEN YAPPING ABOUT TO FOREIGN NATIONALS WHO ROUTINELY PUMP ME FOR INFORMATION OVER THE TELEGRAM APP/CLIENT... and although I am not in trouble (What? Me trait (HER)? Fat chance), I can see why they jailed some patsy over in MoscovhichbitchtarTAR.GZia (I love the new name, xoxoxo Mr. Putin I love you please marry me) about his refusal to hand over, uh, I'm gonna say here: "some kind of MET-uh dat-uH metadata" or something. It must have been pretty serious, like, they don't just throw dudes who can think in assembly language into the goddam gulag and then publicize it IMMEDIATELY for just... like, nothing at all, right? Do they have habeous corups in .ru yet? (I misspelled it on purpose so dumpkopf sensors would not censor my Live Keyboard Feed.) Wait, wait: I retract the query.
I'm not actually trying to catch an Espionage charge, nor do I wanna either Aid or Abett any Felons. Unless it's O'Neil, because of all the many, many legit felons in the Bellgab Messy Methy Messiannieverse, only he would I gladly open my door to. (I wanna show him my kitchen. I wanna show him my oven. I wanna show him... my Oozelngs. I bet he'd figure out a way to make strudel for them, P.D.Q.)
It's been so long since we've talked. Do you know? I HAVE OOZELINGS! They are, sad to say, absolutely disgusting. Like in Poltergeist, the guy who goes into the bathroom after swallowing the worm with the eyeball? And he sees his face erupting into... vile, bilious cancerous tentacles? Yeah. I have those.
Mine are not nearly so photogenic and do not leave behind furrows in my flesh, but that's mostly because I'm a diplomat, a Sourceror, and I don't instinctively hate and despise lesser, craven creatures that I suddenly find myself harboring in my flesh, like moonshine revenooers, opsblackgoozops iteys, or high school english teachers. And, let me tell you, some of those are pretty goddam hard not to instantly crush like a goddam bug at the first opportunity. Fortunately, although I may not have learned --yet-- the proper restraint required for me to practice my chosen professsion (which is, of course, crushing the testicles of rogue M.O.S.SAD agents that shit all over me and my property like they fuckin' just get to do that, pffft), I have learned something else. Something extremely important to US.
It's still classified, and I haven't named it yet, but it'll be something classy. More on that later. When we talk. Won't that be fun? You know? TALKING (*makes the sounds a shadowpuppet would make*)? Especially fun would be if we could TALK about my HAUNTED REFRIGERATOR.
Azz, don’t you automatically get a green card if you marry an American citizen or do you have to live here too?
I know it’s pretty obvious but this Dana chick REALLY needs to get laid. 
THERE IS NO DANA. ONLY ZUULEY.
Anyway, hope your well. Post more often!
This fucking guy. How do I get a mulligan for my Twin Flame Counterpart? I can swap Counterpart for Companion and figure out which one will be #Official Cumdumpster later. I know, I know. I *need* one, I'm entitled to SEVERAL, no joke, but, do I need more than one? Well, goddam it, rules are rules. It seems unfair, unkind, and downright un-American to saddle me with a Hutt who never brings pizza or needles or kids who have wombs. (I think he's racist and his sister is a robot who hates guys who like to fuck robots, so let me tell you: they are quite the pare.)
P.S. Being the instigator and then playing the victim through gaslighting is the typical libtard way.
Also: he's an orc who thinks passing as a digi-kobold is a good idea. Let me tell you, Azz... I have met a kobold since I spoke to you last. And I have to say...
once one goes black, one probably doesn't get to go kobold. I think one just gets to go COLD/CULLED. Just a theory. There is much I have yet to learn. No shame in it. (p.s.: dude it's not that hard to use kaffir. You're just not in a position to learn how to now... because you only get one shot at it, where you're at. I bet you have a nice view of Richter at the party, eh? eh? Now, how about a Fresca? Get your jewhoor maid to bring me one... I won't drink it, she'll totally poison the fucking thing right through the aluminum with all the fuckin' seething she's gonna do after reading this, but if you send her here with a can of soda, she won't think it's a trap to get to clean out YOUR_CURSED_FRIDGE with her lyin' lions'n-shitweasel lickin' fuckin' FUCK AND TONGUE. (AND ALSO ABBOS!!!!))
... unless I still had to learn how to NOT BE AN ASSHOLE TO THE TALENT. Looking at you, Miss E. Thinking of you, An Essentia Voter. Not giving a shit, Grapefruit Hawaiian Punch-Jews-A-Lot. Holy shit, some of these spooky smoked'n stacked ex-Fed X-??Men are so fucking salty about having taken a shot at the brass ring and then failed. Like they were ENTITLED to blow the Death Star before Luke even got to the Final Fore! They were lucky to even get shots at all! (Note: promotional materials supplied by Pfizer(R)(TM) were not used by the author of this joke, except for HIM/ME TO POUPON, GRAY.)
Also: I have information that will exonerate George Noory and literally
embarass the shit out of Heather Wade. /grin js
I haven't listened to your stream yet. I can hardly wait! I might have to buy another KRAKPYPE first? (Standards.) Adieu.
