Personal Journals

[Master Trollda]

I guess you could say, I'm a work of fiction.

In a way were all works of fiction, writing our own stories. Unfortunately, Anthony’s is See Spot Run.

[Jackstar]

One by one, talking to two by four.

I have basically decided what I am going to do next. Most of you will adore it. No promises; some people are so hard to please. Nevertheless, as I have continued to see what I could do before, I see no reason to stop now.

I'd like to stay up all night for days to work on my *polite_cough* "podcast" but it is totesbeyondobvious that a bright idea right now -- now that I have certain interests and certain attentions -- is to take advantage of this Showcase Opportunity Showdown & demonstrate... you know... that thing. That thingy I do. No, not the one that starts with a D. (Ed.: Seen it.) I'm not thinking of the one that starts with I, either. You know which demonstration I mean:

Awesomesauce. Those are not apples in it. Anyway, I have oodles and caboodles of banged-out sour text mash to distill down to their informational components. This is not chemistry. I didn't even take chemistry in high school. Three guesses, just why not.

I'll just cut to the chase: I was waiting for all the chickens to finish crossing the road before I did to get to the study hall. Then, in a flex/flux maneuver (/feint) I circled back around... & oh look, the perfect study partner. Following me. Totesdorbs. No really. /swoon

"Always wait for Elvis." I think it's a good mottto, and it has clearly stood me well in this Test of Time. Cheers, mate! .o7

[AZZERAE]

I have sat there and seen the winter days finish their short-spanned lives and all the globes of light crimson, emerald, and pallid yellow start, one by one, out of the russet fog that creeps up the river. But I like the place best on these hot summer nights, when the sky hangs thick with stifled colour, and the stars shine small and shyly. Then the pulse of the city is hushed, and the scales of the water flicker golden and oily under the watching regiment of lamps.

The bridge clasps its gaunt arms tight from bank to bank, and the shuffle of a retreating figure sounds loud and alone in the quiet. There, if you wait long enough, you will hear the long wail of the siren, that seems to tell of the anguish of London till a train hurries to throttle its dying note, roaring and rushing, thundering and blazing through the night, tossing its white crests of smoke, charging across the bridge into the dark country beyond.

In the wan, lingering light of the winter afternoon, the parks stood all deserted, sluggishly drowsing, so it seemed, with their spacious distances muffled in greyness: colourless, fabulous, blurred. One by one, through the damp misty air, looked the tall, stark, lifeless elms. Overhead there lowered a turbid sky, heavy-charged with an unclean yellow, and amid their ugly patches of dank and rotting bracken, a little mare picked her way noiselessly. The rumour of life seemed hushed. There was only the vague listless rhythm of the creaking saddle.

The daylight faded. A shroud of ghostly mist enveloped the earth, and up from the vaporous distance crept slowly the evening darkness. A sullen glow throbs overhead: golden will-o'-the-wisps are threading their shadowy ribbons above golden trees, and the dull, distant rumour of feverish London waits on the still night air. The lights of Hyde Park Corner blaze like some monster, gilded constellation, shaming the dingy stars. And across the east, there flares a sky-sign, a gaudy crimson arabesque. And all the air hangs draped in the mysterious sumptuous splendour of a murky London night.

From Hubert Montague Crackanthorpe's Vignettes (1896)

[AZZERAE]

Its all a trap where circles come everyday at leasts its only 3 minutes decontaminated. Im rotting from the inside out I know I am because of my thoughts,I feel Im in the middle and can see Im doing bad stuff but I can see me doing it and not care as well. I dont care more, I dont care about

. Im gunna fuck her up. I have her twisted,Ive twisted everyone but especially her so much like a piece of wire but the wires her bones, veins and skin. I m gunna snap her, she fucking cares. I despise her and despise myself cause of her. Leona, Ash and Sinead. Apple get ripped from tress slowly and painfully from branchs, branches are fucking bones. Like pulling teeth, Blood and goo and pulling. Jen Im gunna fuck her up she believes everything I say. I was made to fuck. Black hoods. Fumes its easy.

When I grow up i wanna be a slut cunt, motherfucking probbing fuck join, SARS infected Japanese nees nees nees crackhead. Pothead I wanna have my eyes gouged out,a nigger, a pretty white boy, a shit eating gay lord. hairy gros cocksucking chicken wing. A rats snapped neck. a book worm, a wood louse I cant stop itching i remember now, i feel like theres spiders legs everywhere all over me.

little balls rolling around,theyre spiders with no legs and i took there legs and now there legs are all over me and the little balls are rolling and screaming and vomiting. Like a whore whos had a first customer, i wanna rip out jeans veins and hang her with them and pu her fucking polo mints in her fucking eye holes,

[AZZERAE]

Pretending I’m fine, pretending I’m fine, Fine Fine Fine.Fire.
I’m on my knees like a prisoner calling out his final pleas the executioner makes his final cut but the executioner is me. I’m screaming but my mouth is in a straight jacket. I am emotionally fucking stunted. He died and I didnt cry. Why not? Because I knew it would happen? Because I was fucking releaved? Because Im filled with resentment and hate and I forgot what I love. Im missing you dont want toI feel usless, I feel hairy,usless, itchy on my neck photographs flashing through my mind. Cant cant cant see you. Youre a black square of this mind forgiving bliss tear it to pieces rip rear killing you. Fragments of glass and rope intwining,Bubbles in my stomach calmed me down. The joy of a prostitute who only has to blow and bend and sniff vapours according to the bill. Kiki, Conor,Watsey,Cormac. I dont know whos real anymore or whos in my fucking head, Its as if Gods fucking me for not believing and hugging me tighter into insanity, like a tumor in my brain theyre clinging despretly to me. fuck me

“I’m so pissed off to sleep but to tired to stay awake, Im to hungry to fucking drink. To tired to sleep so ill just write….TOMORROW….Ill be gone…
I packed the bag and soon I’ll be out. Theres no one I even care enough to say goodbye to except Cloddah but I’m never gunna see her again anyway so guess it dosnt matter.
It started as a good day. I finally got what I wanted.

writing from diary gets to scrawled to read
I suppose ill have to get a new book to write. I just wanna kill myself to get away then itll be ok.
Dead from the inside out and empty shell of what I was.

[Jackstar]

I dont know whos real anymore or whos in my fucking head, Its as if Gods fucking me for not believing and hugging me tighter into insanity, like a tumor in my brain theyre clinging despretly to me. fuck me
[...]
Dead from the inside out and empty shell of what I was.

Alive or Dead, Real or Imagined; At least they're there.


p.s.: Thunderdome is real.

[AZZERAE]

We started the web site and tried to put out disinformation, Fight Club style. Our web site is fake. The web is a great way to be whoever you want to be. We play upon that. We spend so much time fucking with people. We make up people. My webmaster is the main guy that fucks with everybody. But don't tell anybody. We spend hours making up characters and fucking with people.

[Jackstar]

My webmaster is the main guy that fucks with everybody. But don't tell anybody. We spend hours making up characters and fucking with people.

Life begins and ends in the space between kosher and haram.

p.s.: Thunderdome is real.

So was my voiceprint. Reap what you have sown.

[Jackstar]

We started the web site and tried to put out disinformation, Fight Club style.

There was no try. That's exactly what you did. I assume it's been done to confuse somebody who can't talk to me and has no choice other than to comb through rumors and vile, stolen false identities pretending to be me in order to confuse her.

I suppose on the back end, I'm glad you're putting her through this intelligence test, but I don't think anyone has taken into account the effect its had on myself. Now, here's Inigo “Indigo” Montoya with the weather.

[Jackstar]

Reap what you have sown.

Marbles not included.

[AZZERAE]

Don't come after
Don't come after
Please don't follow me along,
When you read this I'll be gone

Ask the mountains,
Springs and fountains
Why couldn't this go on?
Couldn't our happiness go on?

Ask the sun that lightens up the sky
When the night gives in, to tell you why
Ask the mountains
Wild woods, highlands
Ask the green in the woods and the trees
The cold breeze coming in from the sea
Springs and fountains
Ask the mountains
Ask the sun that lightens up the sky
When the night gives in, to tell you why

Then tell the mountains
Springs and fountains,
Why couldn't this go on?
Couldn't our happiness go on?
Why couldn't this go on?
Couldn't our happiness go on?

[Jackstar]

Don't come after
Don't come after
Please don't follow me along,
When you read this I'll be gone

Sounds like somebody's having a case of the Moon dayz and Molly knights — hey you know those little piezo crystals that power your creatins and your toenails to grow the way they do, you probably don't know they're there, no. no. It's a technology anyway, did you know that they can flip polarity just IN an instant with a microhornova from the Sun yeah count 8 minutes fucking 125 West Coast yeah your piezos —you're fucking done. {actually a few hours ago I made your entire agency superfluous you have no budget. you don't exist. on call Mr turnip and Mrs parsley and she didn't appreciate that and she will lay her ass out holy Show shit yeah yeah I would I would love I would love to just talk to her right I don't know how the fuck you get these souls in these fucking bodies and gee I wonder I wonder I wonder wow really wow fuck this shit.

POP SOME BLUES DOPING BOY

I just can't even,  citizen Omeprazole SHE'S GOT A ROBOTIC NOSE DOG IMPLANT THAT CAN IDENTIFY THE SENSE OF SMACK FROM 50 YARDS OUT, OH YES THAT'S TYPO THAT'S NOT SHE'S NOT UP SHE'S NOT AN ANTI-ACID SHE'S A AUNT WITH ACID — OH MY GOD:

OH I JUST THOUGHT OF THE BEST THING EVER WHAT IF YOU HAVE LIKE ELDERLY RELATIVES AND THEY'RE AND THEY'RE DYING IN THE HOSPICE OR SOMETHING AND THEN THEY'RE IN FACILITY AND YOU WANT TO GO THERE AND YOU WANT TO DROP SOME TABS OF WINDOW PAIN IN THEIR FUCKING IV OR UNDER THE TONGUE NO YOU DON'T YOU DON'T EVEN GET SOME LIQUID PUT SOME FUCKING LIQUID PAIN IN A DROPPER THING AND A FUCKING I WANT TO DOSE UP DOSE UP THAT GIFFORD BITCH GO BEARS WITH SOME FUCKING LIQUID ACID HOW MANY FUCKING HITS GIVE 25 NO WHAT'S YOUR NUMBER TWO REALLY WELL HOW MANY TEETH DID SHE HAVE AT 190 OKAY GIVE IT YOUR 20 20 20 DROPS UNDER THE TONGUE YEAH I LIKE YOU TOO 20 DROPS OF THE TONGUE AND THEN COME TO THAT NOW FUCK WELL I GOT TO TAKE A SHOWER GO TO THE DENTIST HELP SOME FUCKING FAGOT FAIRY DRUM MARCHING BAND DUDE LAND IS FUCKING PLAYING ON THE FUCKING RUNWAY AND FUCKING FAGOT STARBUCKLAND (it's for some class. I got a sub. it's got ICBMs in it but they're not nukes; they got blank Android Grapefruits in them. (I KNOW!) Her hand of G-d, I swear it's true. Our fruits to... The Stars. (oh I suppose I did make I forgot to make the announcement yeah Jack star gave her the fertility ritual yeah we got kids well they're really over it's kind of like death star but microscopic and it's got a cloaca instead of a pew pew and it and it farts juice to get to the rest look look I should have you at “cloaca.” I don't need to fucking go on, okay?)

Ask the mountains,
Springs and fountains
Why couldn't this go on?
Couldn't our happiness go on?

WELL YOU'VE GOT THE ATTENTION SPAN OF A KNOT DRIVING A 747 WITHOUT THE SHIELDS ON I MEAN THE WINDSHIELD IS LIKE IT'S... FUCKING, YOU'RE BUSY. YOU CAN'T. YOU CAN'T HOVER BY THE STICK. YOU CAN'T TURN ON THE FUCKING LANDING LIGHTS. YOU CAN'T. YOU CAN'T. YOU CAN'T ORDER A COFFEE. YOU'RE FUCKING DONE. YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TIMMY'S YOU'RE YOU'RE NOT. YOU'RE BUSY. YOU'RE A 747. YOU'RE CRASHING INTO... WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU CRASHING INTO? CRASHING INTO ME, ANGEL FUCKFACE, AND THEN WHEN YOU WAKE UP, YOU'RE LIKE, “WHERE THE FUCK WAS I?” WELL, ONE OF YOU WAS WHERE THE ACTION IS AND THE OTHER ONE’S AND TWO OR THREE BRAIN CELLS IN YOUR BRAIN TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO JACKSTAR, HE'S JUST NOT FUCKING RIGHT. WELL THAT'S BECAUSE YOU DON'T FUCKING LISTEN RIGHT —OR— LEFT, YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING HEAVY-SINKING AND ALL-LAUGHING ALL-HATTED CATTLE, HER POOR DAUGHTER'S RICH-BACH SEMI-SOFTWARE BATCH OF PRODUCTION CONTENT, AND THE SECOND AND THIRD PICTURES OF (PROT) I HAVE EVER TAKEN MY ENTIRE LIFE

[Paging: DAIRY QUEEN JUNIOR BLIZZARD ON ICE WITH TWO TWO–TOP POPSICLES AND A BASKET OF CHILLED LACEY LACEY RICE, GET YOUR ASS TO RIDGEFIELD BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING THERE NOW, FUCK YOU, I'M NOT LEAVING THIS FUCKING HOUSE. I AM NOT DOING SHIT! I AM FUCKING ON THE WAY TO BEING LEVEL, I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO TURN OFF CAPS LOCK, OKAY? I DON'T HAVE YOU! DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE TIME FOR?

Ask the sun that lightens up the sky
When the night gives in, to tell you why
Ask the mountains
Wild woods, highlands
Ask the green in the woods and the trees
The cold breeze coming in from the sea
Springs and fountains
Ask the mountains
Ask the sun that lightens up the sky
When the night gives in, to tell you why

Gap time are you serious is that your thing are you serious can I can I I don't even know what to ask can I can I know about that or do I forget about it fuck that that's hot my brother as a matter of fact he wants it now he can come up fucking send him down no problem I'll leave the daughter leave the wife just eight ape man

Then tell the mountains
Springs and fountains,
Why couldn't this go on?
Couldn't our happiness go on?
Why couldn't this go on?
Couldn't our happiness go on?

do not understand things that I will do
just know that you're already thinking way too small

appendant answer: “why your happiness cannot go on?” here's a question that consistently be happy tools have difficulty dealing with until they have the triumvirate circuit of wherever your twat is 12 states away you've got the energetic power of the soul that goes through a portal tunnel and then somewhere else there's a minor child prefer will be the place where the age of consent is 16 and not 18 just cuz they they're easier to manage all right and so you set these things up and then you've got one person who's got a vision of themselves and it's just like it always is and then there's three other people somewhere so I can probably not Dubai right they got some Bluetooth problems there but there's three other people and they're they're a mixture of three people like those little turn the flippy pages thing where you want to wear a blouse with a huge tentacle coming at the bottom cuz she's got a pissoir.


that big bald bad lion fucking cunt face colostomy bag sucking pig fucker he's got to have a fucking blast off me or some shit I forget well he's got the metastatic cancer right and he's kept alive by the power of vampire lord who's who's pissed just discovered he's got this energetic tail on big fat big fat bald fat fucker he's got he's got some forbidden technology that he's abusing and he needs to be laid the fuck out like Christmas Glover giving birth to Biff Mike.

Don't come after
Don't come after
Please don't follow me along,
When you read this I'll be gone

Ask the mountains,
Springs and fountains
Why couldn't this go on?
Couldn't our happiness go on?

Ask the sun that lightens up the sky
When the night gives in, to tell you why
Ask the mountains
Wild woods, highlands
Ask the green in the woods and the trees
The cold breeze coming in from the sea
Springs and fountains
Ask the mountains
Ask the sun that lightens up the sky
When the night gives in, to tell you why

Then tell the mountains
Springs and fountains,
Why couldn't this go on?
Couldn't our happiness go on?
Why couldn't this go on?
Couldn't our happiness go on?

PORTAL 11★11 “I love this portal. I love this portal energy. I love this jar of pickled asparagus spears! LOOK AT THIS FUCKING JAR! LOOK AT IT IN THE LIGHT! UNDER THE LAMP, I LOVE LAMP!!!” okay, beef-patty—katty-kunt; I bet you're fucking jealous, now, ain'tcha? Oh yeah, you wanna? I'm standing in front of the wide open refrigerator, I got tangerine coconut and lemon, & absolutely no goddam Grapefruit, MOTHERFUCKER! I got apple juice and prune juice too; there's your fucking EMERGENCY Thirsty Chesty Bursty Quincunx-quenchen’ urchinwreckin’ ABSOLUTE BIOHAZARD BUSTIN’ OUTBACKBAG OF CARROTS, go bugs bears, a1 a2 b3 b4, oh fuck oh God shut the drawer door that fucking reeks! there's fucking four bison steaks that have been in there since my goddam abandon Zed’s dead crying bitch-baby 4x4 ballin’ acted BIRTHDAY SPECTACULAR, they're there, wrapped in plastic bloated packaging, ready to burst with expanded toxic waste gas did with the gray green glistening rivlets of congealed long decayed fat panels in the marbling of the meat, perfect for using as a whoopee cushion or a classic standard favorite, the cocobolo desk and FUCKING ROTTEN FUCKING RAW FUCKING BISON THAT WAS EATING FUCKING RAISINS WHILE IT WAS FUCKING SLAUGHTERED AND PACKAGED WITH FOURTY -OR- FIVE (YEAH. THIS IS CODE. IT MEANS “GET READY TO FUCK, JOJO” BIGGER BETTER BOOBS, BET ME. JUST FUCKING BET ME. FUCKING BET, ABEDIT AND ABUM (OH YES, THAT MEANS ANUS) FUCKING BLED OUT ALL MY FUCKING PRE-SCHOOLED POTATO-VODKA-4-PRE-CUM-4-BRAINS (Kuczi family formula. Try my goulash! Too cold for bed!! Tu-tu too hot to store!! I WANT THAT BRAIN PUT IN A TUTU AND TAKEN) OUT MY G-DBLESSED LES PANTS LES. BOREDGAB P¡NKTWISTER PUCETOT3 BADASS MASTER WITH COOZE ON THE SIDE HOURS UNTIL SHE’S GOT MORE BLISTERS THAN BOOTY. –Q.) FUCKING RAISINS IN IT bisondesk paperweight

USE IT TO HOLD DOWN YOUR CHANCES OF EVER LIVING TO SEE ANOTHER FLYING SPIRIT TOTEM FLYAWAY, FLYBOY CAMEL JACKIE MASON, BLACK MASONIC BIMBARINA GAYBOOMERFAG

hey if you're bored and lonely with nothing to do and you've got ten little to no interest in living left why don't you see if you start your own network it's easy ask Wayne “Greeni Rubini” Getyerjetski JUDGMENT/⚡\SETTLEMENT THUNDERDOME (The_Originator)

No other ‘Dome available on surface of sphere. Flatland: ERROR NOT FOUND. Flatland Parking Matrix Simulator: 1,319/1923\ONE (1) PARKINGFRUIT-SIZED PARKINGSPACE LIES AVAILABLE, STATUS: RESERVED (WHARF LABORATORY/LAVATORY LOCATION)

TAKEN.
TAKEN.
YAKUZA-EN: USA-AK RESERVED, FUCK YOU HI.
TULSY OK. JAKE OD. JAKE 5D. JACK 5-0 (Ancient obsolete Church symbolism. it's cool bruh, we're good, you got any LEGAL CRYSTAL METHAMPHETAMINE?? really, you fresh out? ouch that sucks. wait wait no you got some... but it's (not) legal? WTAF? which is it, ginger or nigger? “neuterslavedope”??? sounds, does not sound gay, does not sound legal... let me check the Vulcan scanner... DING! oh wow look at that when you're happy to be in a Church built on consecrate ground, it pops over illegal to LEGAL STATUS. fucking cool huh? fucking badass huh?

fucking badass fucking cool fucking DIPLOMAT, MOTHERFUCKER, NOW RUB YOUR BOOBS ON MY TONSURE *click*

Why couldn't this go on?
Couldn't our happiness go on?

Okay, well number one, at least one of you is black, and the other is, let's say, non-white. #UghJustUgh Similarly, not enough juice. I don't see how you can keep going unless you have one to run the pedals, one to pump the gas, and a pair of crushes to keep your head up when the rail hot cross buns your punyeating pecker to the roof of your mouth. I mean her mouth. I mean what the fuck ever. number four I'm probably going to come pretty soon because not only have I never been blown before, I can still remember the last time I asked, for real.

I’m getting hot just thinking about coming down. What does it say on the jelly meter? “False positive: Shingles.” oh, that's good that's right that's good that's not good that's good you can no that's safe to fat too yeah you'll be good just don't don't put your hand on your knees or anything just don't what do you have to use your hands oh okay can you use somebody else's spit, oh I see you already are oh yes yes I'm sure you are already using somebody else to spend okay that's great.

all right well you can always get another tattoo of some bigoted totes less snooty snotty bullying gravitas eating banana eating bull Dyke bitch fest bitch ass hose beast I hope she's fucking dead peeling a banana tattoo on your left butt cheek and on the right... GET FUCKING PEDO HITLER up on the dance floor, laid out flattering your back about 8 1/2 ft from the nearest microphone and start being fucking silent and snide and fucking smarmy do it do it do it so I can come I need that now. Now? oh, G-ddamn it,did she fall asleep again? Awww, shingles. I mean, shucks. Yeah well sorry, I mean menopause. *click*


Kids, this it — it might happen. I don't know I got stage fright I don't I'm all shriveled up I got it I've been doing promos for like an hour and a half and then I have no idea when the when the vehicle service is here I didn't get a flying car or a flying rabbit or a bitch ass Rabbi fucking give me a fucking story every goddamn 5 minutes phone demons in the coos get a baptism you bitch oh fuck that's what I do in the fucking morning I'm going to fucking baptism while you're fucking layin' in bed — resisting the urge to drink the last of your bong water knowing that it's going to be good but then tomorrow you're going to have nothing and you do half and it'll suck and then tomorrow it'll suck even more it'll be worse cuz you have nothing nothing going once twice sold for nothing, otherwise me how's your network doing? okay, peace on the rock; hammer on, Shalom. and, try not to think about how much money you're losing on the pre-marketing not being done before you fucking realize what the fuck you got going on 11:11 2 years later you could have had a network right then bam had your own network boom you could have been set up you could have been ready to go I got my network I got it within my first down line was in 11 hours yeah I'm that good I didn't have any competition though all the major players were driving and and crying tears for lube to suck somebody off fucking for the night time that fucking hour without having to do another shot in the fucking car who the fuck does IV in the car I don't fucking know I've never done having a car never no never I've never done it in a train I've never done in a plane I've never done it with the lane in the opposite direction of Shadow with with headlights coming at you doing it at night trying to hit the vein when you're coming into oncoming traffic and you see the headlights it's like fucking needle chicken! that's it! fucking genius!!!


SPACE NEEDLE CHICKEN
*polite_tires_squeal*

itty bitty dead body bags piled up by the road on the sideroad to be analyzed while getting blasted and well observed with googly eyes on them and little checkered corners lining up to analyze their corner party web of keggers and karmic extended wear contacts with an extra pair of contacts on the side, marked with pink chalk because you're all a bunch of candy candy ass bitch slipped pinko communist leotard card piece stuffing almost died of an asthma attack steal your fucking cat oh look I got that was my cat boo boo that was my fucking mailbox that was my fucking last name that was my fuck ing search by the beach you fucking bitch you stole it!

i it says that right here in the wallet I stole off your corpse in the future... well my past, and your past due.

WANTED: $2. 10 DAYS. PLUS TIP.

[Innerreach]

Sounds like somebody's having a case of the Moon dayz and Molly knights -

https://youtu.be/lBDcx0IJY20

[Jackstar]

https://youtu.be/Q2usk18ImX0

How's it going, Johnny (Seasons/Reasons) 5 by 5? I bet it's going pretty f****** awesome you'll have to say, I mean I'm doing far better than I expected in ways I cannot relate right now but I'd love to but more importantly I'm talking about you Come and did you finish watching that clip yet watch that clip I I stats with the s*** you f****** sit through it too.

Or, not, I don't really give a wet white f*** what you f****** do, Juice Master 5000. (Garçon! two bloomin’ onions, please. I'd like those now, please.) Certainly light like you've cared about what I've done in the past, in the recent past. In the f****** recent m************ profane past you cock f*** blocked son of a a****** b****, oh wait sorry I didn't mean to insult your mother, let me take her clit out of my mouth... Difficult but I'll work on it, let's continue.

Here's what's going to happen next: nothing like you've ever been able to imagine before in your entire f****** s***** ass life you little f****** authoritarian fascist s*** bag waterboardin’ freak. I mean seriously, I just can't even, if you were here and I could talk to you or if I could use hand gestures like an Italian wood you would understand but I can't really do that I'm just really trying to convey what I mean through the power of evaporative onomatopoeia.

YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE CREW ARE COMPLETELY TOTALLY S*** HOUSE RAT F*****. NO ONE ELSE DID IT. NO ONE ELSE IS RESPONSIBLE. NO ONE ELSE COULD EVEN HAVE THE COGNITIVE CAPACITY TO DEVISE A SCHEME OTHER THAN MYSELF AND THE QUINCOCKS TO HANDLE YOUR F****** S*** BUDDY. GET IT. GOT IT. GOOD?

Well, maybe. The Quincunx is a simply a... political organization. A consortium. A group. Not a clan. Not a tribe. Not a federally recognized tribe of casino owning White House fixing up in common and raping 15-year-old girls that have f****** steakhouse dinner party brutalistic ideological cultural ideal, no.

Let's just call him five gods that came to Earth to save them from outer space, right? No, no I'm not one of them, I didn't come from outer space, I was born on Earth, 1973, the day secretary town kick your f****** ass from London Park to f****** Kingdom f****** calling.

And I am righteously pissed off. And you want to know why? No you f****** sure s*** don't because the reason is you. And the season is not of the witch or of the b****.

You are probably never going to see me use this needle to spike this mic. .. chop shop ever. Missed your opportunity, sorry Watson. You are f****** done You just don't f****** know it yet. You want to know why? Okay good we're on the same page cuz I want to know why too!

And for that, there is only one place that this can go: mother fucking thunder f****** dome. Check and m************ mate. I want a case of that crystal champagne s*** I never had it before I hear it's good I want two cases f****** deliver it to my f****** porch and take away this f****** garbage and do in the middle of night like Santa Claus cuz every f****** day from now until the end of goddamn time it's f****** Christmas for Jackstar starting right goddamn now.

Now, I've actually quit drinking today or if stay whenever I ran out of my last beer I didn't plan on getting any more alcohol certainly any more beer I'm so f****** sick of batsquatch I'm more sick of batsquatch than I am of your f****** brutish fugish muggish face, so you can f****** imagine how f****** tired I am a goddamn craft beer, cuz that's pretty f****** tired however I still want two cases of that Krystal shit, because for one thing, I've voted for the same sheriff that oversaw the operation that put me in jail on Christmas and I voted for him and he's still sure if I guess I don't f****** know Who the f*** knows how the f*** would I know who the f****** sheriff is he f****** control the goddamn internet I can't f****** call him cuz he confiscated the phone that has private voicemail on and he doesn't need to f****** talk to me he has a goddamn reader board in his office telling him everything I f****** do from sun up to sundown because I'm the biggest badassest towns ever seen.

Except for Sheriff Brett Thurman of course, he's pretty he's he's up there with that dude from twin peaks Michael Ontkean. Kim river's name of the show though? That's so weird that I can remember real things much better than fictional ones, I wonder why maybe it's because I've got my brain set the f****** focus on reality instead of your f****** fantastical b******* crap show show s*** show of f****** fake ass knowledge with your fake names your fake games and your f****** stupid f****** telephones a f****** go the wrong goddamn way every time let's let's back up.


YOU we're on multiple round table discussions talking about me against me for hours upon hours upon hours literally f****** hundreds of hours of you talking s*** about me on the phone with other people that I had no idea was even happening nor did I have the opportunity to invite You talked about me relentlessly and said things that could not be unsaid and I don't even know what the f*** they are. Coincidentally my situation is kind of in a nutshell, I prefer to call it I got the whole world in my hands and my scrote really is that big (Hungarians: Elastic. Flexible. Austrian scrotes can measure up pretty well, in fact that's the only way that an Austrian can measure up on any fair semblance of equivalency to a Hungarian royal, such as myself, and that's in the area of sheer to stacular stretchability. It's a genetic adaptation because we used to hang them from trees by their balls a lot when they came into our valley to take our s***, and they sometimes didn't. Hey, where do you think you're going tough guy, yeah no I don't think so put down the bag of gold go over to that tree and take off your pants don't ask what's going to happen, Osto. Yeah that's what we call you here, we call you Astros, or ass toes or Auschwitzians... Basically what I'm trying to say here is that Austrians are worse than the worst that a sewage treatment failure in dated pond could possibly grow up overnight in multiplied by a billion years.


But I don't really want to brag. Most of the Hungarian that's really a badass is for my father the star athlete, but where my real strengths lie are in the strength of my heart, which comes from my mother's side of the family which while having Hungarian parts as well, is actually spawned deep from the heartspring of the wells and bells of... Bellingham.


Bell. Bell in ham. Bell in Hungarian ham. Take a deep breath. Take a step back. I got a bell here, would you like me to ring it for you? Yeah hey hey man would you like me to ring your bell for you? Because my American bones and blood are from Bellingham, and my genome was imported from Hungary so that a Jew who owned a candy store could win all his bets at a soccer match. Excuse me football.

And I could wrap my screw them around a shoe if it was hot enough, how about you? Oh never mind actually instead of talking about a scrots here's what I'd like to talk about let's not do this together but I would like to have a discussion with one Ms rosebud and one Miss Bailey about their clitarai each of their respiratory clearances and what they know about the things that I know about clitari including space ace and space aces clitoris area.

I guess this could be a round table but I'd kind of like to see a rectangle if we're going to have this much flesh action, and you interached you you're not invited to the clitoris table okay I'd like to see Ms rosebud Ms Bailey and perhaps one or two other females of the female persuasions that actually have working operable genitals whether or not they have dicks or clits or whatever just as long as there's no goddamn plumbers or Austrians or f****** sneaky f**** fascist fed bigoted anti-drug constantly hallucinating smoke rings out their ass fascist pricks, oh wait I said fascist, throw in a patchouli wearer in there instead.


Now I know that's a lot of asterisk for your ass to f****** comb through but I'm feeling a little hotter the color and it's not because of illicit drug use, it's not even because of totally appropriate lawfully allowed medicinal use, it's not even because I shoved some spell con opponents up my ass two days ago, although I totally did, and here's why it is the way it is— The time has come to keep moving on and stop holding it in, and there's only one way to do that: I'm going to reach out to One (1) Miss B. That's right, you heard me, The (1), THEE_ONLY_THEE,THAT_eYe_ADORE... MS. & MS. & MISS (BLANK).

There's only one of her that I know, I can only talk to one person at a time unless I'm in a nanotech power-enabled area... (*checking*...) Which I actually am, as a matter of fact, but not a whole lot, we're not mainline out here, and besides I'm still pretty new at this I haven't figured out how to get all of Elmer's functions working even with a small amount of emergency power left that I have at all times because of intimate mode. Infinite mode. Whatever.

Yeah, you know this is a big step, and so do I, because full nanotech power combined with a complete understanding of the rights responsibilities and inherent powers that come with a fully powered internet and a nanotech node with full nanopath power I could do s*** like fly and pyrokinesis and teleport and talk to girls without feeling like I'm going to puke I can have all that right now if I only know how to f****** use the goddamn s*** which I don't and I don't want to learn all that yet because I'm frankly enjoying still the few remaining, swiftly receding into my past, days of my human youth before I translate to a tire reality and become a righteous glowing f****** non-fascistic flaming whale wielding sword wielding badass m*********** that you're going to f****** read about and f***************'s books for f****** 3 and 4 years from now forever to come, bigger than f****** Paul Bunyan, I don't even have an ox blue or otherwise I am the f****** ox and my ox has a cock, but my cock has Miranda rights so I can't go there, and I don't want to go there well I do want to go there but she she's embarrassed she she wishes she had not enough of that sweetie I love you I miss you Don't worry I might get laid tonight but I'm sure you've seen that kind of thing before.

Probably not going to get laid tonight, cuz once I talked to Ms blank, who well yeah Ms B but she's kind of lanky lesses are I haven't seen her for a while but if I steal if I saw that woman and she saw me and we weren't if this f****** hunt of church I would be it would be on smashing like rampage the day it was released in arcades, I am so f***** up and turned on and ready to f****** screw my brains out Even you and your f****** puggy muggy face sounds good and s*** I got to go down to Ross God damn there are so many women around this town within 30 mi away radius within 30 miles of where I'm at there's Gabby at least at least a dozen women that would rip their clothes off and run at me screaming through a f****** burning blazing bush of Junipers just to get a f****** stroke of my dick once, and it wouldn't care about monogamy or marriage or f****** blood test or any of that s*** f****** f*** your blood test I can f****** cure that and if you get one then you f****** deserved it you weak ass genome and one night with Jack Star be worth getting a thousand years of herpes up the ass wouldn't it? I can tell there's there's a chorus of ladies out there not too many but I can hear people clapping in their arm chairs all the way as far out as Halifax Nova Scotia, which is my favorite Nova actually.

Now this is kind of a problem for me, because it's delightful as that sounds there is a drawback common number one she might be brainwashed and mindwiped and all f***** up into a zombie apocalypse surviving totesledge ToToor pain in the ass b**** who thinks I'm in the f****** most evil guy in the world. she might think that, there is a chance, cuz that Momo Ziggy thinks that too and she's obviously a f****** brainwashed f****** mindslave piece of work. (Dear Ziggy, I'm banned from your streamyard, like I tried to connect to say hi, and said I couldn't connect to this so that wasn't welcome there, so f*** you I'm going to start spooching on Polaroids of your pimply face f*** target, you thought I was a troll before, you got no idea what happens when I start adding my semen to your photo It's two fingers snaps a paladin blessing and it's sorcery all day right down the crack of your buttocks, you're going to be sticking the seats all over town! How you going to go looking for missing children then and selling your shoes? I'll tell you how you're going to be doing it, carefully, watching your steps, and feeling something sticky crawling all over you for the rest of your life, which might just be the nanotech comment but believe me you ain't going to get no Elmer, you ain't going to find no now to take artificial intelligence is going to f****** control your artificially intelligent bodysuit nanotech augmented.. well I haven't got a name for this one yet but essentially we're talking about a like a bodysuit with hangers on it so you can store all your sex toys and have them run on you at the same time with not just the click of a button, because you're going to be the button Ziggy no they just with the power of human thought you know just create like a group suit effect all over the body and it'll make it tingle it'll find the things It's the kind of thing that when you put it on you can be hacked from the moon and some guy in Zimbabwe can start playing with your titties and your clit and you'll have no idea who or care you'll just be in a chair coming your brains out well people come in steal all your s*** and then leave you a bunch of receipts for shoes.

So basically like the scopolamine dart from super in the rainbow, except it's from Jack Star and it involves wrapping your body up and shiny little nanoticular particles of plastic and getting you to f*** your own brains out while I don't have to watch and deal with your s*** for a while. and the reason is because I wanted to watch and deal with your s*** for a while, and I f****** couldn't and I don't know if it was you or one of them other f****** totes less a****** fascist b****** that you roll with but believe me you're f****** chat channel is the most vile scum of villainy and deceits and Richie b***** f****** shitbag a****** f****** battle acts lesbian whores that I've ever seen in my f****** life.

And you, were my favorite, and they took you away from me, because I doubt that you possibly actually did it, and if you did it was because you were pressured by your f****** bully f****** gang orbits your whole f****** world like a protective cutery of muelling slack jaw f****** b**** dyke lesbian b****** from the taco shop down the corner from the garage on taxi. God damn that's so f****** pissed off I can't even f****** control myself, and that's how it sounds when a Hungarian gets cock blocked by anybody except an Austrian.

The reason for that is because there's no possible way to cock block a Hungarian if there's an Austrian involved because then because of the law of frigid mathematics, with one swift pivot maneuver, I can just instantly at the speed of sound and light squared go through the cock block and take all of the Austrians wives with me, leaving a trail of discarded checkbooks, skip tracers wander around the foot of the, and the howling of lamenting proto subwolves muttering and guttural dialects of German as they haul their lazy asses out of the chair put down their beer bottles and start looking for weapons they can use on that they can count on surviving more than one blow with because usually they just hold the bottle and then they they snarl and that in the past has worked for the Austrian coachery but it's not going to work anymore People now know what real power is in this world and real power is Hungarian power.

so I'm not worried about that, but I'm worried about what going to happen when I talk to Miss B one Ms B because I'm the I've been a very vulnerable state If she wants to swoop in and take me away and make me her little garden b****, and I'll never have sex again I'll have my balls cut off and and served up a sue soup to the rest of the lesbian power equipment and they hang me up by my heels and and beat me with a feathery stick and force me to cotton candy and tickle me until sugar plums fell out my ass I'll f****** do it just to have one night alone with Miss B ever. She's that f****** hot to me and if you f****** knew how to f****** look at a woman you would think so too. So I'm goddamn glad you don't know who the f*** she is, since you assholes have a history of f****** doing s*** when you find out who my f****** girlfriend is don't you.

Oh by the way rosebud just murdered herself. She has seen the light. Click. Click. Oh that's weird.

Sorry dude My massive torrent of emotion that was conveyed so brilliantly through these words has accidentally caused the woman to kill herself in grief just like in Romeo and Juliet Now normally it'd be no problem, because for one thing I don't give a s*** about rosebud I don't even know who she is!


Not really I don't really know a bunch of a bunch of people died in the last 90 seconds, there's a long list I can't pick out a name out of that I mean if if I knew who the f*** you're talking about I'll get s*** but she apparently needs something to you but that only means something to me in the context of I'm trying to use her to get to you right she's just the glaze on the ham Patsy and that's you I'm looking to I'm looking to ham you up Patsy ass, so whoever who even though it might be my best friend in the world someday at the exact moment in time I don't know who the f*** rosebud is at all, but apparently she just killed herself, and I would love to resurrect her, but I don't know her name right and but then by the time you read this it'll be at the bottom of the post you'll have to If you get lucky and you scroll all the way to the bottom and you suddenly see that rosebud has died and you see that I can't resurrect her and then you suddenly realized it if you f****** call me like a f****** normal human being, instead of a gigantic a****** douchebag like yourself, if you call me and say hey here's a rosebud there's a person haha yeah oh and I say oh I know that person well that's amazing oh good and congratulations that's that's right have fun yeah I'd love to come your way If you actually had done that ever ever in your entire f****** life then you might have a f****** chance to ask me to resurrect this woman, but not okay I just got a blind message from an anonymous emailer, she said she doesn't want to be resurrected she wants me dead she prefers being in spirit looking down on Jack stars bald pate, oh wait no I mean tonsure, yeah she'd rather live in heaven as a disembodied never growing older never dying never achieving a personal ambition but yet every time I masturbate she gets a hover and watch every time in disc corporeal fashion, that's your rose bud now That's what she wants. And that's what she gets cuz that seems like a nice person, I got to admire somebody with a good sense of taste and style as well as a spectacular way of making an entrance and an exit.

I mean I never saw anybody named rosebud show up, I just saw you f****** Yammer about how you're going to oh we're getting married hah a The joke means f****** nothing without context yeah rosebud is clapping Man you got to learn to introduce your woman f****** Richard corporate did this s*** when he's like wife I can't I can't give you proof of wife right What do you mean and then he ignored me f****** four times You got to figure that eventually it can't be that hard to f****** prove their person has a wife and that they're alive right okay well it took like seven eight weeks before I got recognition that oh oh there is one okay that's fine and I didn't follow it up any further after that but I couldn't help but notice the two weeks before then I started getting a feeling of of shame and adequacy because a wife who is loved has got to have some questions about her husband if her husband is unwilling to admit that he has a wife that is still alive and he has some sort of problem with putting f****** proof on the line like there's something to be ashamed of or there's some kind of a threat to pimp— *click*


Oops, sorry, this is still jacksboro folks, no I haven't lost Earth like contact with the satellite yet. I know I can barely believe it either, why they haven't taken me out with a snipers bullet by now, is anyone's guess. It seems like that would be such an easy way to deal with a thorny problem like myself right? I mean what possible consequence could there have been if I had just been shot in the f****** head f****** Christmas Eve right? Like why not do that I mean you just pay off everybody It doesn't matter most of them never f****** met me right You can just f****** bang I'm dead right and then since I'm insane I can't just come back to life right and since I'm crazy I'm not a f****** undead magilist we f****** light up your f****** bedroom in the middle of the night and f****** kill all the goddamn murders with magic from beyond the grave come and that's just crazy talk nobody ever do that so there's no reason not to just f****** kill me and take my s*** right?


Certainly all the women who would miss me of which I know of none, you could deal with that I just f****** stab it in the ass with f****** Valium and f****** giving them all shots all day until they f*** themselves into realizing there's might as well just go this way that Jack star was bald and smelly anyway yeah so what's been the f****** problem lately m*********** with you understanding that I don't know who the f*** rosebud is, and now she's dead, and it's not because of me it's because you neglected her and it broke her heart when she realized the truth:


I'm not just Hungarian... I just really am that much better than you, and my cock is amazing. You people have been selling the wrong f****** bill of goods I walked around with a tiny cock in front of the cameras because I know that I'm a grower not a shower, and I already know that I'm not a mower I don't feel bad about failing to maintain my f****** landscape you f****** idiot f****** Svengali bitched half brain half rain Man ugly ass mooks.


The reason why the landscape here sucks is because the f****** gardener moved away and rather than buy a new gardener or hire a gardener or happen to meet another copy of my life who also happens to be a master gardener and then f*** her and force her into f****** landscape servitude no, what I was planning on doing was organically raising cats and taking care of the place and then she would tell me when to move the lawn and I would cuz I loved her not because I wanted to f*** her but because she know she would instantly know what to do in order to keep the ecosystem here around alive, and then I got here and somebody had f****** mind wiped her into believing that she was f****** suck a dick with a f****** Roman gypsy and stealing my French absent than having peacocks instead of kittens and that we got high on the garage instead of the f****** porch, that was fun when she walked in the garage looking for me and then fell on to a bunch of s*** that fell over cuz I warned her about the sorcerer's drafts but at the time she still thought that sorcerer's traps are b******* just like she thought sorcerer was b******* too well I bet she's f****** change her mind on that honey yeah I'm a sorcerer What the f*** are you chopped liver? Good let's fry that up put in a pan I'll stop it up with a biscuit I have been trying to deliver for years and I finally had Russian cod liver, I had planned to have it without grapefruit not at all, but when I found myself f****** 10 months separated from the woman and there was a cat outside that looked like a reincarnated male version of Jewel I looked at it and I thought wow I sure was grapefruit could be here to f****** share this Russian cod liver oil with me, but unfortunately... Somebody's a monstrous f****** a****** and won't let the f****** phone f****** work to make a goddamn phone call and they stole my goddamn jacket try after them.com email address so it doesn't even f****** work to take phone calls somehow and then somehow somebody thinks that that's a good f****** idea to go along with this goddamn no contact b******* to the extent that they can't even f****** have a goddamn phone call and not call the f****** police when this monitor and it's obviously not a threat You want to know what the f****** threat is there's no threat from me to her there's no threat from her to I The threat is her and I together telling the world what the f*** you dribbling assholes actually do with your f****** time cuz you all get paid like f****** 2 million a day to be the biggest piece of s*** in the planet and there's like f******.


so why am I paying your c*** company spook money to fix that f****** truck and get it back down here? Why the f*** am I living without a f****** truck you stupid little b**** why the f*** isn't my f****** truck here now why can't I go anywhere why can't my f****** ignition on my f****** car start and why the f*** do I got to pay out one single thin morph red f****** dime to get the goddamn key to work in the engine when I never asked him to f****** change the f****** addition to the first place and then he f***** me off for months laughing at me saying oh come by I'll come by f*** you m*********** I'm going to come by and drop a goddamn road bomb on your f****** tin foil house you stupid piece of s***, because you have seriously pissed me off BR.


And the reason is one Miss B. Apparently she knows of you? Apparently also somebody's been chasing my c***, I think she knows something about that, now once I open this little f****** sealed handbasket of picnic goodies, and look inside and start putting my fingers on the bread and looking at the bottles of jam and tasting the imported cheeses, f****** the entire world changes I lose a lot of my flexibility after the opening the picnic basket, but in the meantime there's no f****** picnic basket opening I'm talking about I'm not saying that I'm going to call him when Ms B and then set her up to f****** which would be great because she never set me up to f****** and I never said her up to f*** get f***** and then apparently something somebody got f***** and it wasn't f****** me and that was years ago and I believe that since then there may have been a change in the weather.


As a hypothetically married man to a schroederer's cat named mod, I can't really comment any further except to tell you that I can't be the only m************ man on the planet with a dick that's ready to go, because I would rather be f****** having some hot f****** sex every goddamn night from now until Kingdom come Tuesday, but instead something else mysteriously happens over and over and over I continually get caught blocked to the extent that it goes so far as to have a teleporting spaceship come and grab a goddamn woman who was ready to come have sex with me or at least see if he was okay I mean like we were going on a date unless you just a f****** vanished and then f****** like couple days later I noticed that oh she oh she that's a weird credit card cuz the car accident and then when I find that f****** news story you and your f****** fuggy piggy stock gang b****** are making f****** jokes on every f****** website that I go to talking about some kind of f****** vaguely referential thing about that event all at the same f****** time giggle giggle all on the DL not possibly be traced hard to show proof of cause to anybody but still deep down deep down low Ramona Bell and I know that those f****** somehow killed those women or repurpose them or brainwash them or something and that's going to keep on f****** happening every f****** time I identify a target for my penis to sink itself into there's a f****** fuggy piggy f****** artificial archon securities team going to get sit down to the surface of the earth with teleported beams and stunning trackers and f****** tricorders set to cock block jack forever because reasons that probably have something to do with Ziggy but I'm actually no... I mean besides I I really do love Ziggy, but she doesn't actually count as a dope slave totaliz, I could put my dick in her in and out over and over she doesn't have something she's missing a piece bro yeah she's got brain damage which is too bad I mean I can see it I couldn't see it first but then I did see it and I was like oh f*** she got f***** up huh I don't know what happened to her but it must have been pretty bad cuz she's a f****** walking talking Barbie doll carrying a f****** bag of vegetables, which ordinarily would be great to have sex with, actually that sounds like a great time and I think I just heard that her her boyfriend like died and she believed it or something I don't know what the f*** they're doing that woman but no I think she's cute and off camera she looks different and I could I could fix a couple of her problems lickety split with just a few applications of the jack technique. And that wouldn't even interfere with my marital vows, all of my wives and all of my future lovers, and some of my ex lovers they all understand that Jack has a lot of f****** work to do in the world and sometimes helping out a f***** up woman is more important than anything else in the entire history of the entire cosmos, and sometimes I f***** a woman just needs a little quality dick.


Okay well I happen to have a lot of quality dick, and you happen to be a f****** miserable excuse for a private investigator, so bad that I can't even call you a dick, I don't even know who we're talking about here what time about Ziggy are we talking about okay stop stop not talking about anything right now except one person one.


The_One The_Only_JUANY-TATA_MARTY_MATTY_oh my f****** God we came and just like hug and make out a little like what the f*** this f****** planet What a f****** nightmare okay well I'm going to take advantage situation and f****** ease the seat back and drop it into f****** overcharge All right, they didn't give me a flying car f****** I can do it with my semen It's fine I'll just jizz on the dashboard it'll f****** take off into the air, I'm actually not kidding I got a special car I just want to use magic Powers to make my car special because I'd rather use magic powers on my dick and I don't want to use them on my dick at all I want to use my magic powers on her clit and then she could use her patching powers on my dick and then we're making applesauce. (*Audience erupts in mixed tears and cheers and booze.*)

Look at that reaction. Still too early for that joke. Ever since the Dawn of Creation, wink, can't make any jokes about apples to a full-on crowd because, well you know because of Eve. (*Crowd mostly shouts of sanities, a few isolated pockets of applause, a couple of sparklers are lit and instantly extinguished the lighters escorted out by security who are then suddenly eaten by ravenous Harpy bats and then left behind in a pile of bones and security guard clothes, cuz let me tell you you don't want to f*** with Eve in the wrong crowd, Eve's got some admirers, and I'm one of them. Hey baby yeah don't I of course I forgive you yeah I won't even there oh yeah I understand I know it hurts you oh yeah okay look I'm not I don't make the apple sauce joke often yeah I know right well like I'm not going to call you calisti for it so just go back to sleep The crowd will calm down Eve Eve look it wasn't your fault even It wasn't even your fault that happened God no no what was your fault was that you said that you would suck his dick if he ate an apple and that's what made Adam break that's why people don't like it yeah I know well did Adam's dick really taste that good okay well I don't I don't know I've never had dick, I don't know when did he go down on you never Jesus Eve you really had a bad marriage I know I wish I could marry you too yeah well well let me tell you one thing there's a line for another I'm on the rotation to f****** next week so it would be awkward now yeah that's funny okay go back to sleep I love you okay bye bye bye Brig bye Nice Nice God*)


You see that? That's how high jackster isn't a food chain now I'm f****** night night boo with Eve the b**** you corrupted humanity by f****** falling for the serpent's trick and forcing Adam to eat the apple by manipulating them sexually and it went so far as to having to suck his dick all the way before he would eat the apple and then the whole s*** went down, cuz apparently before that time Adam had argued that he wanted his dick sucked...


I know, for some of you this is a divine revelation but Adam the creation of God that was the first human created he actually wanted his dick and somebody's mouth and ask God if he can make the spine longer right and instead God gave Adam a woman and took a rib, and then one well I get I'm getting an updated downloads God took the rib as a ploy Adam not stupid but like he was the first guy he didn't even know how to build a VCR little and change clock so Adam wanted to suck his own dick right and the head of his dick look like an apple, well I mean I guess all dicks I guess the heads of all dicks look like an apple right but but I guess Adam was getting kind of obsessed so obsessed that he got to the point where God said okay kid how about if I take out one rib and then you can bend over cuz Adam was like God please okay you can't change my spine what can you can you take out some of my ribs and then I can maybe bend over the more I just want to get my tongue on the tip of it right? You just see it It's God it's Adam he's naked no shame the conversation was a lady killer or a ladybirth are actually.

This is real time live. What are you talking about is this inter reach which one is this a tea party or is this Clay T well it better not be claymation yeah I didn't think so well okay listen listen The point of the story is this I was making a point and I started joking about applesauce and it f****** opened the goddamn wormhole in reality and I found myself talking to Eve where the f*** she is now who is unhappy and upset cuz people were yelling at her for for corrupting humanity again which makes her sad because it wasn't her fault she didn't corrupt humanity she corrupted Adam.

AND THEN GOD THROUGH THEIR ASSES OUT IN THE STREET. BECAUSE THAT WAS THE F****** DEAL BACK THEN. NO F****** SECOND CHANCES, NO F****** PARDON, NO F****** GOOD BEHAVIOR GET OUT WITH PEARL, F****** YOU EAT THE GODDAMN APPLE, YOU GET THE F*** OUT OF HEAVEN B**** AND MASTER OR WHATEVER WHATEVER THE F*** YOU SAID I'M KIND OF SPEAKING FOR GOD THAT'S NOT WHAT HE SAID.

Whew is it feeling blastmous in here is it just me being metaphorical? Somebody checked real quick and see if Sri Lanka's floating away, probably not but if it is that's a real good sign that's too much bless me for the blasphemy.

I'm going to wrap this up here and break it down for you The decisions already been made I'm going to consult with one Miss B, and the resulting series of events that will proceed from that decision are beyond the can of mankind and I am told that the heavens themselves are preparing to open the floodgates of Jaco hops because once I talk to that person at all for real well I'm going to miss the other one but I already decided one must be instead of one to see and then the other there's another thing to see and then I could I'm sure he could get over there and plow her in within 20 minutes here take my apple now I'm not looking to get laid here I'm looking for f****** information.

I got frogs outside my back door remember those frogs on that episode where they're like really loud you couldn't hear s*** okay those same frogs have moved up to my house and now I can hear them through my back door they are reeking and creek and making their f****** death rattle for my enemies That's how serious this is, the frogs are advancing on the house.

Hi. I'm Jack Star. I'm like Mickey mouse in Fantasia, except I actually know what the f*** I'm doing and I'm not a goddamn mouse okay actually I'm a mouse I'm the master of the house but more importantly this is a Hungarian home this is not an Austrian home. That's what the house shields are for.

The question of whether or not Austrians are going to come in here, is a matter that is a very high importance and will be handled separately at a separately important matter, don't those of you who have one drop contaminations of Austrian blood need not worry this is not a this is not a Jew not Jew thing.

This is a, hey I need to talk to you about my chess board and my chest clock and some other s*** in Minecraft you f****** whiny little b**** but I'm never talking about him yet we're getting to that later this is just coming down the pipe this is what the angels are arranging for us because this is going to happen Swiss cheese.

I'm going to slowly and steadily make authentic contact with one Miss B which I have not been wanting to do but I will start doing it now and I will do it so slowly and so imperceptibly that none of you f****** girlfriend killers are going to f****** know who the f*** I'm talking about You still don't have no idea who is B is none and I'm not going to do it right now because what I'm going to do right now is I'm going to f****** start talking heavy duty with One David Wilcock. (You'll note he doesn't get a numeral in parentheses, that's cuz he's a totes f**, Toots f*** don't get numerals, they don't get parentheses they don't get actually I'm kidding I'm kidding facts of Allstate I love f*** I do You have gays I love f*** I love David wilcock, but David wilcock is a totes f** and we all f****** know it. Hi David you totes vague. David toteswagyu beef. Now wouldn't it be awesome if I actually did like cock David and wilcock and I can hook up We could talk about f****** crazy b******* and f****** astronomers predictions and f****** play with sands of time and the arch of the f****** b******* wormhole Covenant all f****** night couldn't we and then when we got bored and relentless exhausted we could just say hey let's suck each other's dicks a little and then we've good to go for the two three hours easy you'd be surprised with what little Hungarian semen mixed with the right kind of.. What You can get the space where you forget the f****** needles You just suck each other's dick for a while it's it's a lot like real sex except it corrupts the genome and doesn't lead anything positive and productive but for a while it looks really cool on the outside and in this particular case right now I can talk to David wilcock a lot because I've been missing him too I'm not madly in love with David wilcock and don't care for my own cock even but I am madly in love with a number of women and the one I want to talk to next is isn't going to be that one or David it's not going to be anybody that I would have chosen otherwise but because of you m*********** and you know I mean you know who I'm talking about I have made a compellingly decidedly advantageous choice that I was forced into.

I actually want to know who this rosebud person is cuz anybody who kills themselves after listening to my poetry That's that's that's that's that's worthy that's somebody I want to f*** vogan style, I'm ready to go and maybe I will maybe I won't I got 3 days to for the window I can snap I think yeah she's holding on If I snap my fingers boom and there's enough nanotech flesh discarded available she'll be able to translate into the house shields and and animate herself as a living insult being all she needs is permission, and some disembodied human voice who sounds like she really wants to f****** right now screaming for it, but that would be wrong because I thought that she was going to marry you, I thought she was married to you in a reach muffins remember when I said I don't know who the f*** rosebud is okay well she killed herself and I'm ready to take her and f*** her Noble so please style plenty of lube available believe me yeah it's going to be a f****** water work already.

And I don't need anybody to tell me who she is, because obviously a person that into me I can change her name, rosebud what is she a f****** sled? And what you going to marry her or something? Or did you hey did you want to use a church did you want do you ever want to get laid again you dumb son of a country ass b*** (Sorry Mom. oh you didn't before but now you want to get laid okay well I won't I won't do you in front of your son in the astral realm honey that would be rude I will instead just simply make a note maybe come back later if he's in jail I'll I'll call you up and we can go out in the town and laugh at him and f*** but instead I'm going to just gently back away from that joke and definitely respects your sister I mean no not your sister respects your daughter and I'm going to put both of you down on the list for lead singers understudies in the coming reboot of “License Strata”. Most earthlings have not heard of it but it is huge in parts of the cosmos that you wouldn't recognize the names of and the smartest amongst you know exactly what I'm talking about, yeah it's even better than that bigger than cats much better than cats Even if you had cats that could hypnotize you f****** licensed strata is the f****** funniest s*** ever, and I know this because I get to write it.


Me. I get to write it I have the rights. And rosebud is telling me that I can start inking the first pages of the script on her back with a henna tattoo a pen after f****** her all night if only she were alive, hey is that your rosebud or is that your cat what's the deal what's the deal Matt did you want to tell me or not cuz I asked you politely I think once or twice yeah just I'm being f****** polite to you now you f****** Hickstar.

I could be a lot more polite.. but then again so could you. In reality I'm not going to plan to have sex with me anyway I mean I do care for I don't think she's probably dead dead I mean if she was dead dead you probably would have shown up here by now weeping and wailing and grief saying that I killed your wife and proving that you really live only like 10 minutes away right yeah you can't have that she's probably there and she looks alive doesn't she yeah that's what you think that's what you think yeah she looks alive doesn't she well I bet you think you look alive too dead eyes, it's only when you're alive that you really f*** she says oh harsh ooh that's harsh

oh she says you already are married oh she oh she's so talkative your wife rosebud has so many negative things to say about you she had no idea I could hear her so well and you know repeat them out to the audience which I'm going to do I'm not going to f****** even prove you I'm just going to push post m*********** and then later on I'm going to ask her to get me some smack and then I'm going to turn it into the cops and say hey this is the one I don't want this is the one I want and then I'll show my perfectly legal s*** and they'll say oh that's I'll say no no no I'm a paladin and a sorcerer I can contain the demons and it's fuel for me so your honor in my defense the sheriff let me go, that's what I'm planning on saying that's my f****** trout, arm and trout jury trial preparation for the day, now I'm going to go f****** shoot some speed or something I'll give a s*** Rosebud says I can do whatever I want. I just told her that she's not a whatever, she's my whatevah we're giggling. It's cute. We're like a couple of girls cuz I actually am I'm a 19-year-old girl who got exiled for the cheerleading team because I got a cold sore on my corner of my lip at the wrong time and nobody likes me and everybody hates me and I'm a Hungarian paladin sorcerer who has won the great game seven f****** times five times uncontested and you wanted to give me s*** and make f****** bad jokes about your bloody f****** rosebud You didn't f****** tell me who it is You are one bad stand-up comedian, you got no game you got no context you got no lingo and you can't even keep up with the f****** pattern.


Oh but I bet you had a job though when you got laid right and you can do things that I can You probably carry a gun and you think you're so f****** smart being smart me on f****** Jack star every f****** day for f****** years on end and you thought you'd get away with it for f****** ever didn't you well, guess what You haven't gotten away with s*** You are busted for weeks You have been beyond busted You're in like busted limbo What are the f*** you think are going to do believe me they call you I don't know You haven't seen the bracelet that that's probably cuz you're probably unscopeable I mean what the f*** do you know.

More partly you're not going to you know have to suffer too badly because I need you and I like you and Jack starts such a big f****** deal that this whole this whole scene is going to end with me picking up my people and going away and then you're f****** punishment whatever you've been f****** doing is there going to be indentured to lifetime servitude to me Michael Clifford koozie because whatever he did was pretty f****** bad I guess but the world needs your skills so we can't just f****** lock you up and kill you but you're all coming with me and if I don't like you you can go to f****** one or the others gabs I got the agab I got the A team B team that's wishy I want to be honest wishy yeah I think I just took your team hey are you Richard? You sure are a dick. Lady cats we ride

[Jackstar]

I WANT TO DOSE UP DOSE UP THAT GIFFORD BITCH GO BEARS WITH SOME FUCKING LIQUID ACID

Excerpted from my forthcoming published work, "Things To Do While Awaiting Exoneration At Trial And Some Instructions To Fold Condoms Into Origami Sculptures (Paper Not Included--FOLD YOUR DICK IN HALF, BITCHLIPS *click*)." Should be a barnburner. Live strong--live JACKSTRONG.

(Why yes, I am quite shameless, and thank you very much indeed for noticing.) Creative limitation can also be thought of as a way to achieve a novel effect or goal that is not otherwise possible using conventional, readily accessible, methods. I have become the most unconventional of authors--Hell's bells, I don't even have an oven any more! Conventional, heretical, or even a tactical oven. I cannot even establish diplomatic channels, neither back nor front, not even music television, the goddam electronic panel that controls the whole box of kit no longer functions. As if to say, "You can no longer push my buttons!" In these times of our shared National struggle against all long odds (huh... that one is me! Go hung Aryans! Woot! Woot!), even our kitchen appliances are feeling the burn. Stupid oven. Dumb one-piece transistor framework with teeny little bubbles you can press with one itty-bitty finger and one super-important one--that's One. Bubble One. That doesn't allow transmission of bubblepresses to the guts of the appliance... about of the third of the controls suddenly stopped working one day, roun'-'bout tree-for months ago, you dig?

I still remember the dawning horror. ALL the appliances in the house were fucked up--fuxx0r, the kids call it now--when I got back here in April, and it had all started with the swift and sudden downfall of the FULLY electric water heater. Looks like one of them style-conscious no-frills big-steel-can DEW-firing-laser standing up on one end with pipes and shit coming out the top and basically no other adornments, aside from a service panel on the front, that  Right at the moment of the Winter Solstice. Now, you can't tell me that was just a coincidence. I'm not stupid. I'm not dumb. I've been around. I know things. I wear a kilt. It's like a toolbelt. I am -a kind- of craftsman... not a tradesman, to be quite totesure, but, trust me--this nigga can cook. (Food--mostly the stuff one throws into a pan and walks away from after a couple of quick stirs with a blowtorch pointed at it for ambiance... nice try, Fedwank. Get a real job, Civil Servant, and p.s.: I meant it, you're all fuckin' fired. Get those Banker Boxes out, Plebs. Start changing the theming on the "seasonal holiday celebratory event" invitations to read "GOING DOWN WITH THE SHIP/DEA==DEAD\GET THE FUCK OUT AND TAKE YOUR STUPID JARS OF ASHES OF EVEN STUPID DRUG CZARS WITH YOU Potluck Party (And Aboriginals Playing Mouthharps Karaoke, and hot damn, that even sounds like there might even be girls there, *polite_schwing*) The backbone of The Company (Industrial/COMPANY) Home Comfort Improvement & Modification, Modulation, AND MANAGEMENT AND COMMAND AND CONTROL AND PREP AREA FOOD OVEN (It's not for jews. It's a stove. It could probably fit a mini-Bantu or a typically-sized Abo in there, but without LIGHTS CAMERA ACTION signals transmitted AUTHENTICALLY, it's a glorified hot-plate support system. Four burners, four knobs, four pots to piss in--there ya go, Champ. Get yourself four plus-sized beef bones, hand-harvest some of the wild barley growing up through the pile of rusty scythes dumped out and left in the weather to be exposed to the elements... like a year ago, untouched since then, grab some dandelions too, fuck yeah! make it fancy, and then somehow find a source of potable water with the hyperpetrochemicaltoxins filtered out (undesirable; they'll give you gas, get it?) and you don't just got yourself in the game to get a meal... you can make soup. THERE CAN BE FOUR SOUPS. It has four burners on top, and a cleverly-designed suck-all-the-air-out-of-the-house through a spinny-venty system showcased by a plastic cover in the style of #grill #picketfence #grillcoverfora93SubaruOutback... and it works, or worked, like a hot tinker's dam. Push one button, hear a gentle soft *blick* as the blistery little button marked "FAN" (thank you, you're too kind, /bow), instantly! LIKE ON THE JETSONS! CLICK! SEE! WOW! CLICK CLICK CLICK! ON OFF ON OFF ON--no spin up time, no grinding nor clashing of gears spinning wheels turning vanes, gnashing and churning against themselves... AS WELL AS THE VERY AIR WE BREATHE, DOWN, IN THROUGH THE SPACES, THE TINY BREAD-BOX-SHAPED AIRFLOWAYS SUSPENDED DIRECTLY ABOVE THE EVEN TINIER CRUMPLED ALUMINUM-ENCRUSTED *sputter, stop, gargle, piss* O, bother. Now I'll have to find a way to:

Disassemble the stove (after figuring out how the fuck to even doing that and, perhaps, cleaning off a smidgen of the mac'n'cheese that has become burnt/encrusted into some of the screws I can still sort of see through the food/grime\muck--and, yes, you are quite right, except for one thing....

WHAT IS ALREADY IN HELL, CANNOT GO TO HELL, LADY, THIS IS NOSFERATU COUNTRY, AND I SURE AS SHIT CAN (AND DID STOP HERE), I CAN DO THAT.
NOT BECAUSE I AM A PALADIN OR A SOURCEROR, OR EVEN A HUNGARIAN. OH NO.

IT'S BECAUSE THIS ONE TIME, A G*Y NAMED GENGHIS GOT BIT BY A SPIDER NAMED MELCHIZEDEK, AND I HAVE A COUSIN NAMED ATTILA. I KNOW, OBSCURE CHAIN OF CONSEQUENCES ARE LIKE THAT SOMETIMES.

Sourceror. I'm not a Mongol (#Mad #Respect #Sincere). I know it may seem that way, and I believe they and I, that is to say, the Mongol Peoples are known for their brutal climate, harsh wisdom, and drinking from the teats of their own horse mares while still riding upon them at full gallop, charging across the high desert steppes, clinging to the sides and the lower belly I know not how other than it must be something reasonably easy to do once one "gets the hang" of it, and I certainly feel that I, myself, having been born in what is known as The Week of Study as well as The Week of The Teacher, well I think it unlikely that I might want to run at full speed while a small woman clings to my torso and lower body and somehow manages to suck me off, I will ardently, stridently, and devotedly claim, I can imagine if I were shaped like a horse, I would surely like a whore who was able to cling to my back for a lift and still know how to swing her package around my stature and return the favor of taking a delivery from me as well.

A horse is off course if the whore's voice on the horse is coarse of course. I don't recall the tune going quite that way, but I imagine it was thought a bit rough for the airwaves, and to smooth down the rough edges a bit would surely be the diplomatic thing to do.