Episode 13Things kick off with quite the rhubarb. Sally, Davey and Goliath are squabbling over what to get Elaine for her birthday. Sally wants to give Mom her nasty, used doll whereas Davey wants to store buy her a sweater as she has been bitching about getting chilled when sitting out on the porch in the evenings. The little ass sucker scores even more points when the Old Man asks him if he was the cash to fund this. Davey gives a smug "Saved it from my allowance". Sally sees right thru the sycophantic B.S., puts her hands on her hips and insists on the doll. Elaine rolls in with a bag of groceries and the kids beat it. Weirdly enough as she sets the bag down on the counter, already sitting there is what sure looks like a quart of Mobil 10W-40 Super Motor Oil in the old style gold can. With the kids out of the picture we get a special treat. We've long suspected that only Davey can talk to Goliath and here we get confirmation. Goliath wants to give Elaine a bone for her birthday but as he can't talk to the Old Man directly. He gets the point across somehow by making lovesick eyes at John. It is really weird and well...disturbing. Almost like a scene from the dirtiest of movies where some deep throating chick flashes what we called in high school - blow job eyes.
Goliath?
Davey comes back out to hassle John about his homework. He is reading about the Pilgrim's and has a real head scratcher. There is a Gordian Knot in the word provide. John sets him on the straight and narrow about God providing for the Pilgrims and we are once again transported in time in space. Destination 1600's Plymouth. Davey is now Henry and Sally is Goody Fussbudget or some shit. They are messing around in the store room and knock over all the barrels and make a big mess. They then peek out a knot hole in the wall and spy on Cotton and Increase [whom looks a lot like the elephant eared incline railway driver] Mather. Cotton is about to lose faith as the supplies are all but gone and no one knows how to get food out of the land of milk and honey. Increase steadies him by saying that God is taking care of them all and that mana will soon rain down from Heaven.
The kids boogie on out of the store room and head down to the creek where they are throwing rocks into it. This goes on for a painfully long time, when suddenly we see an Abenaki Indian's reflection in the water. The fierce, skull bashing Abenaki that Spencer Tracy's Roger's Rangers tangle with in the movie Northwest Passage are a hundred years in the future, so all we get is a rather chill, smiling, friendly sort of chap that introduces himself as Samoset. Out of nowhere a fierce storm brews up a with driving rain, thunder and lighting bolts ripping across the sky. Samoset takes them back to their cabin in the woods. He has no trouble finding the joint. He's obviously cased it but this never occurs to the wonder twins.
Back at the ranch, Cotton Mather and Grandma Moses are getting worried as the kids aren't back yet. They head out into the night and just miss them. Suddenly a creepy, dark apparition of a witch demon is seen in the distance. She is moving slowly from left to right. Cotton takes aim with Brown Bess and fires into the night. Apparently he doesn't know how to lead a target and it is a clean miss. Turns out that it was not a witch demon at all but rather Grandma Moses. I guess she just wanted to f*ck with him but it almost cost her dear. A gut shot with that blunder buss would be a hard way to go out. They shrug it off and decide to cruise on back home.
Death to the Witch Demon!
The kids and Samoset reach the cabin. The storm is really raging now and the lightning effects are truly impressive. So much so that Goody Fussbudget has a mini mental health meltdown.
Don't know why. There's no sun up in the sky. Stormy weather
It's cozy as can be in the cabin and we see lots of little details that must have taken a great deal of work to put together. We also see one totally bitchin' stone fireplace. It is magnifique! The stonework is perfect. A comfy fire blazes away, merrily heating a cauldron of gruel. There are even scorch marks on the mantle. If ever I get that mountain cabin out Hillbilly Jim way, I want this fireplace in it!
Comfy!
Cotton and Grandma Moses get back to the cabin and are incredulous of the kids tales of a super friendly Indian who leant a helping hand when it was needed most. Suddenly Grandma Moses recoils in horror and disgust as through the window, she spies the silhouette of an Abenaki savage that undoubtedly wants to lustily ravish her virtue multiple times.
A savage in the window
Turns out it is just Samoset carrying a sack of corn along with his two bro's of legend: Squanto and Hobbamock. In what happens all to often in these episodes, after a big buildup things just sort of peter out weakly. The Abenaki save the Pilgrims and Grandma Moses talks about cooking up a storm, we pop back to 1960 and there is talk of God providing. Goliath drops his bone on tissue paper in which to wrap it for Elaine and that's it. There is no more.
The storyline is predictable and weak. The message is none too great either. Yes God provides but he helps those that help themselves. The Pilgrims just seem like wastes of oxygen in this episode. There is no other way to say it but that the writing and plot suck donkey balls. The cinematography, the costumes, the special effects...all first rate. Then there are the detailed sets and that mind blowing fireplace. It is such a shame that there is no there, there. Two and Half Roses
