Davey and Goliath

[Jackstar]

"mom there's that fat man in the bushes again!"

Look, man, I don't know what to tell you--at this point, if you can't figure out how to close the deal, maybe you should get your septum straightened with a hammer. I know a g-y. Except, it has to be a cosmetic hammer.

Speaking of cosmetic hammers, that was about what I wanted to use on the person who thought forcing food, children, and the feeding of children on me was a smart idea. I guess it was, if creating a monster hero out of a hero and two lumps of coal and a broken chess clock within five years was the desired objective. Ah, desire, where is thy sting?

Oh yeah, first date bumblebee. Like, go come back stay away high fly has a gun, duck, let it shoot meeeeeeee and I spent all my secret paycheck money on Kyltus' Bluebud Eartooths, and I'm bored... what plaything is offered to The Royal We today?

Because so far this pop up book of jack and jill and the other jack who is gonna send them both to prison is getting pretty fucking stale.

[Walks_At_Night]

Jack - Always nice to hear from you. Good to see you are keeping the faith.

Oh yes it is far more rewarding altogether, though my pipe has been banished to the garage, I am presented with lists of chores upon waking and another when I come home from work, and there are whole weeks when her dragon of a mother visits where they gang up to screech at me and I am driven from my own house and forced to creep about under the eaves for shelter.  Just yesterday the neighbor's kid screamed "mom there's that fat man in the bushes again!" and I got my picture all over nextdoor looking sketchy as hell when all I wanted was a moment's peace.

Not to mention the disc pain from carrying around another extra person all the time, the cocktail of statins I must take regularly to keep my heart from exploding, and the massive shits that leave me groaning for hours 

Welcome aboard!!!!!!  I recently spent about $50 in materials to protect about maybe $3 worth of Mrs. WAN's blueberries from the ravenous Mockingbirds.  It's all good though.... I think?

[K_Blubb]

Jack - Always nice to hear from you. Good to see you are keeping the faith.

Welcome aboard!!!!!!  I recently spent about $50 in materials to protect about maybe $3 worth of Mrs. WAN's blueberries from the ravenous Mockingbirds.  It's all good though.... I think?

Oh tell me about it!  This year for moon festival I had to drive all around rifling rank-smelling markets for a special form or mold to make some godawful fermented-rice cake thing that has just enough fish in it so it tastes like ass after sitting for a several days, armed only with a chickenscratch sketch and my wild white-man gesticulations.  Finally after several failed attempts and a small fortune spent on procurement I stumbled upon the correct apparatus which she promptly filled with about thirty cents full of pre-fouled rice paste.  She and the dragon devoured this abomination week later slurping their chops like it was candy, waving skewered fetid lumps under my nose and howling like banshees, I don't think the house is fully aired out yet and I can smell it in my sleep.

[Jackstar]

Jack - Always nice to hear from you. Good to see you are keeping the faith.

Welcome aboard!!!!!!  I recently spent about $50 in materials to protect about maybe $3 worth of Mrs. WAN's blueberries from the ravenous Mockingbirds.  It's all good though.... I think?

about maybe $3 worth of Mrs. WAN's blueberries

I have fifty bucks worth of BoomerAnon's Magic Hunting Huck Fink Berries "You'll Swear They're Almost Good Enough" here that I can de-magmaize here in the fridge. These are keepsake berries, I am telling you. I didn't even open them, I just stacked cans of beers on them over and over and really didn't ever stop.

$75, delivered. For $75.99, I'll even take a shower before getting in the car.

Jack - Always nice to hear from you. Good to see you are keeping the faith.

Word. I had to lead the Headmaster go: Union rule. She had 30 days to report back, and then, she tried to cheat the timer--of course-- and then I called out on her SECOND TIME CORPS VIOLATING A CORPSE VIOLATON. This is serious shit with Her People, whoever the fuck they are, but then, I never heard about her again, ergo, she rabbitted. But I also heard a rumor that someone got left Calgon-In-Sack, New Jersey and ALSO in Ancient-Chinese-Secret-Temple-Fire, Continent: Unknown. (Sure, Jan. "Unknown." Right. A mystery. /groan)

AND I never got head from Headmaster, so you won't be able to activate EvilTwinDicked Dickstar Square Ringer. Now, he -is- scary, but not so half as scary as that you might have gotten the wrong g-y again twice in one year, is it? Because one more, you and Hogan are gonna go into the cooler and rescue all the gimps. IN TWO HOURS. TONIGHT. RESCUE OP TONIGHT.

So, that's where we are with Faith. Hope, on the other hand, well, that shit just takes care of itself, right? Oh, damn: I just abandoned it. Perhaps in my other tulpa's other pants. Oh, hey look, here's 10 grand in living expenses. Thanks.

Now, where am I? Who am I? Go on: you first. Like with everything else, except, well, Sourcery. I guess. Or, how about consuming my own essence with a nearly perfect attendance for a whole lifetime? Did I do that once first? I'll check when I remember how to juggle my army of ape-jawed, slack-tastic dopeslave adulterers with adulterants. Oh, right, I don't have one (1) of those. Cool.

Jack

No, I'm Mike. Jack is the other white meat that doesn't hate pork, he just prefers it on the side of those who have no meat at all, no, really. I hope that clears things up for you, including, uhhhh. Yeah! That other thing! Land sakes! Do you have any spare galoshes lying around, by the way? Someone I know needs a gift to the head that they can really appreciate.

[Jackstar]

These are keepsake berries, I am telling you. I didn't even open them, I just stacked cans of beers on them over and over and really didn't ever stop.
[...]
I'm Mike.

"keepsake berries." With stacks of beer on top. This about kills me. I could almost but not quite literally just die. G-ddam! G-d just came by with a... well, never mind. You'd understand, but then you'd just get jelly, same as ever. But everyone should already be quite envious of my keepsake berries. And, these are actually the second batch!

First batch: into the goddam trash. *plop* What? No one needed berries like those, and, I daresay... no one needs berries like these, either.

As they are wired to release a potent biotoxin, I am gonna need you to CashApp me before I touch them. Hazardous. Fragile. Special.

Carrots ARE included. *SHOVE*

[K_Blubb]

Hamster Muscle ❤️ Omg I love heem 💞

[Anniem]

Jack - Always nice to hear from you. Good to see you are keeping the faith.

Welcome aboard!!!!!!  I recently spent about $50 in materials to protect about maybe $3 worth of Mrs. WAN's blueberries from the ravenous Mockingbirds.  It's all good though.... I think?

Maybe. We were thinking of growing some cherry tomatoes until we heard that the hummingbirds stab them with their pointy little beaks.



We don't stand a chance.