convert to Jackstarism
Note that I prefer to refer to The Faith as
“Jackstarlingestablishmentaldomintarianism.” Yes, this means its disciples are called Ding-A-Lings. Deal with it, sub-creatures.
I know all of all y‘all know, all y’all want this to be totes real. I can feel it in my bones, the way y’all feel it when y’all pee. Send no money now.
Simply
submit. I'll have Ground Crew take care of the rest in the morning, I just got home; I got to get my drink on, and my smoke on, maybe I will do a little gambling—we'll see. I'm already listening to Cusco and have been accused of being a gay homosexual. Twice. Just
today. (There's nothing wrong with being gay; but a case can be made for it to be a sin to be a blazing, lying faggot.) At this rate I will have my yearly allotment all crossed off before Thanksgiving. So mote it be.
Also, your new religious leader would likely write an exemption letter for you to present to your company filled with four letter words and deserved vitriol.
This costs extra.
In panties.