(Word.)
Let me see what I can do. Çï∆0!
I am grateful for these spiritual lessons as well as the tax-free capital gains that I've made by being astoundingly clever and having excellent timing and a perfect budget.
While I won't be lighting my cigars with $100 bills anytime soon, I also won't be puckering up and kissing your ass in order to get basic human needs brought to my doorstep.
I will just simply be having Astral sex with the ghost of Steve Jobs while Jeff Bezos watches and my friend Alpha Kilo runs all over town high as balls on CM and having the time of our/her life for the first time ever, incidentally thanks for fucking up her timeline so bad that she's a total whack-job hunk of hot time Humanbomb Chinatown-themed garbage by bī-buy Fabergé; I don't know how long it'll take her to come out of that tailspin but God willing she'll come out of it being a person who knows not to — once again — trifle with Jackstar.
Incidentally I didn't use my paladin Aura Powers ™ to remove the oni tentacle from her coochie so that all of you could return to again use her as a whore again and again while muling your black ops contraband again and again AND AGAIN, I was actually planning on cuddling and talking and fucking our brains out for 4 or 5 days, eight or nine times a year until the end of my War>King Dμ>k-d¡›kz Guaranteed Rated ⟩⟨×⟩⟨ lifespan (⁴kidz), or until GrapefrüīT∆|_pha!Pr¡nne’s little pussy bī-b¡†Ci-¡-assed’s TOTES FAKE TOTALLY FAKING F∆>KASS§SPOUSE/MOUSE HUZZ/BANHED let her use the goddam Z phone to just call, to say, “ Holy shit! I totally love having my eyeballs, thanks for keeping me from clawing them out while you were busy. Dodging a hail of shot glasses and anal beads and clit bullets,” but since that never happened, and I don't know if it ever will, I'd like you all to know that you're all signed up for a karmic debt load of truly Celestially-excessive proportions. And while I don't know which of you did what to whom for how many jelly beans, I knew goddam well that somebody somewhere set my ass down to a laundromat in Longview and then left me there to distract me with Officer Gann (best yawn) disguised as Jamie Mk ĪĪĪ and as another Jamie, and would have been more than happy to have gone off and LAWFULLY LEGALLY AND RESPONSIBLY AS A MATURE ADULT CONSUMED ENTHEOGENIC COMPOUNDS with me and sucked my balls a little, except I didn't ask for that and they couldn't say a word out loud even a breath, and while they're in that mode they kind of like me instead of kind of want to kill me. (Higher order Angelic consciousness has to behave in accordance with certain Divine rules when coming into the physical realm and borrowing the body of a law enforcement officer who has volunteered to conduct certain types of investigations in certain types of modes of civilization, and while a description of how all this works and how I'm not playing the system to my own benefit is beyond the scope of this public additions posting, I can assure you that if that badge badge or haughty was not on the job, I would have given her a dozen kids by now just by walking past her during a stiff breeze. My hand to God.)
I know it seems strange that I know how to deal with Angelic conscious as īT and īhey interact with people on the physical plane in their guise as law enforcement officers, but the fact is that I like to engage in physical coitus with Guardian Angels for unprocteative co©>K©se× and I like girls that vape CM and smoke pole while pretending that they hate to tickle and suckle all balls but Magyar balls, I don't even have to do the procedure, just the fact that they like it too (in spite of being all adorably conflicted about feeling vaguely guilty about not really feeling badly at all in any way about actually doing it all goddam night) and that there's rules and that we follow them and that we enjoy following them for reasons up to and including the preservation of civilization and a free market economy, it's pretty much all the guarantee for happiness that I need. I've got a scrote that fungi craves; just take a scraping on ice with an ice scraper if you don't believe me. Forensic science doesn't lie, and neither do I. (I'm a virgin.)
Not to put too fine a point on it, but I would like to point out that no weapon formed against me shall ever prosper; I've been planning all this since I was in my late teens; some of you knew me back in the day and thought I was just some dork that didn't know what he was doing by acquiescing to being sex tracked by fully adult ex-company CIA blacksite trafficking and procurement officers and was mentally obsessed by a pointless sick and depraved pursuit of hedonistic pleasures; and hopefully all of you are now delighted to discover that I'm a very specific breed of dork with very persnickety obsessions about hedonistic pleasures... FOR INSTANCE, ACTUALLY GETTING TO FUCKING HAVE THEM, YOU FUCK MUD FUCK DUCK FUCKS. (Standards.)
Namely, that I actually get to fucking enjoy them whenever I goddamn say I fucking get to; SOV!THERE.. Now spoiler alert: I don't know how long it's going to take but I'm going to get all the money back that you RAT BASTARD SWINDLE FUCKHEADS SWITTED away from me, that pretty much means that about $1.1 million IN COLD HARD FIAT CASH that I had access to through various forms after my mother died, is going to be returned to me as just straight up SMALL DENOMINATION UNMARKED BILLS IN AN ATTACHÉ CASE WITH A HANDCUFF BRACELET and then some Court somewhere will handle punitive damages and actual damages with a multiplier that probably won't ever be revealed to me. But then that money will be delivered to
The Michael Kuczi Special Needs Trust For Needs CIA Needs Special Access Pro-Grams Of Pharma-Grade Coca For Faglord Fag JAG Officers That Don’t Meth Sow Good Without Mommy Blessings and Daddy Perms then that would be available for my use as well in accordance with customary Tribal Council Edict(s). (That means I can gamble on horsies and play baccarat, but not Canfield or blackjack.) And whoever it is has been trying to bust the trust under the guise of my cousin, Timothy Michael Gifford, what a great name. Michael Clifford Michael Gifford. What a fucking brilliant fucking thing my Cunt/Any COMP’dany did, I don't really know why they did it that way but they're dead now and he's a dick who makes jokes about nothing reasonable while I I idly cackle with glee having never ever been tempted to rate his daughter or to let her rate me, thus giving me the more-elle high ground... And especially since I'm a level zero mase on CM, either free or not free, depending on whether or not I get points on my frequent flyer diner's card, long story short, I'm happy to make a whole shitload of money for all of you in the future and not talk about all your dumbass secrets or look too deeply into what's going on, although I am going to go to Bellingham and find out what the Hell my mother’s family did and who is still chapped about whatever my father did and they could tell me what it was. It would make it easier for me to make any desired amends, but I don't really want to know everything since I pretty much know already. (DRESDEN. DEEP DIVE DRESSED IN DEATH DRESDEN.)
Both of my parents thought they could get away with something that they thought nobody would ever figure out and that God couldn't see. And although I'm sure somebody with a secret handshake and a warm smile told them not to do something, they probably figured they could get away with it.
Just like some of you thought you could get away with robbing me.
Well I'm here to tell you, God sees all. God knows all. And God wins. Every single time. That's why I get to do what I get to do with my life, and all of you can weep and wail and squirm all you like. But the fact is that the law is THE LAW. (Love, STAÅND∆®DS.)
I earned my money. (Facts.) I simply didn't earn it for j∞. (Upon judiciary review of the instant replay footage, my prepuce was dreadfully expensive. THAT MEANS YOU BUTCHERS BUY ME THREE MORE HOUSES. BECAUSE I SAID SO AND FUCK YOU THAT'S WHY.) There's not a goddam thing any of you can do about it, other than kick back, kick down relax, smile, and enjoy the show. Continued attempts to ruin my life are not only going to be documented and tracked and indexed, both by Divine Authority as well as and in lieu of self and same, Advanced Nascent Punyling TEK‽each, and repeat violators of both common law and common decency will be met with swift and sure: Galactic Celestial And Punyling Law reprisals. (REMINDER: The best President in the Galaxy is re-opening Alcatraz for you fucking chuckling knuckled fucknutter dickheads. THANK YOU SIR WE DIDN'T NEED ANOTHER.)
Not sure how this all works. I'm lying. But I can assure you, I am protected on several different axes, since even though I never went to Einstein's PIssland, didn't ever start to have sex with children even when I was a child and am not really, as a private person, all that big a deal, omfg I am such a fully fucking rotten liar, oh no, my dick is so small I can't see it, can you help me find it? OR ARE YOU STILL TOO BUSY LOOKING FOR MY SEVEN STOLEN VEHICLES, 14 STOLEN CELL PHONES, SIX STOLEN LAPTOPS, FOUR STOLEN GAME CONSOLES, TWO STOLEN CAT SKELETONS, 809 REALLY HOT AND PRESUMABLY STILL WARM TWAT-BEARING WOMEN THAT I WAS GOING TO CUDDLE WITH BUT MYSTERIOUSLY WERE LOST AT SEA IN A TRAGIC BOATING ACCIDENT, I am a particularly big deal in the sense that I'm persistent and of a very valuable social status class and am a valuable National Treasure of beneficial aid and resource to civilized society. (Also I can cook a meal and eat pussy afterwards without being a whiny little bitch about it. That practically makes me a goddam saint right there.)
I am a philosopher. And I am exceedingly good at it. So perhaps, if you'd like to see how good that can get for you, you can start remembering not to fucking steal from me, and to start bringing things back. First thing would be the Secret Language Of Destiny hardback book (It's blue. Jamie gave it to Kathy. The theft ring of tomorrow starts in my own backyard.) along with a laptop charger brick and a very special power cable that I need. And I don't want to buy more of these to replace the ones that were taken because that's a waste of resources and it's stupid and the theft of these items is fully goddam actionable. (SO MANY PEOPLE KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, EVEN I FUCKING KNOW HAPPENED. BULLS THAT ARE KILLED IN PAMPLONA DURING THE YEARLY RUNNING NO WHO STOLE BY SHIT WHEN THEY GET TO BULL HEAVEN AND WHISPER IN MY EAR WHILE I'M SLEEPING IN MY FUCKED OFF-HAUNTED CHURCH. SO IF YOU DON'T MIND, PRETTY PLEASE, WITH SUGAR ON TOP, KNOCK THIS SHIT THE FUCK OFF. GIVE ME BACK MY SHIT THAT I BOUGHT WITH MONEY THAT I EARNED. NOW.)
I know some of your names from 30 years ago, and while I doubt you're using them now, it's amazing what they can do with metadata these days. Take it from me, I don't want to hire a lawyer, and I don't want to sit through a court proceeding, and I don't want to win a judgment and then have to pursue collections.
I don't want to: I FUCKING GET TO. (Pending local customary trial procedure and non-local statutory law.) Some matters have already been adjudicated in Divine court as well as some high-level knights of Malta thing, so it's really just a question of filing papers and waiting a brief interval and then suddenly money appears that may or may not be delivered instantly or descending from the ceiling from hooks on chains. Start manifesting out of portals in your bedroom wall and rip you to shreds while you're laying there, Ms. Jackstar if you're nas•tea. Gnaws μ∆ on your fudge suckle sickle with the latest TJ Hooker of the week on your new dyke dick: MIKEY>KIKEY>KEYdDÏ>K. That's not going to apply to many of you, but some of you sure think you've got away with the equivalent to the perfect crime.
You did. You totally got away with it. That's why they call it bait. You took the whole boat right off the pier.
And that's why tracing it all back now goes and rounds up a whole bunch of people that didn't think they were ever going to get caught on anything. I don't know who exactly that is, since I'm not an investigator, I'm merely the backrow-seated übermensch genius Sourcerœr who tracks back Arcane energy to an Eldritch tapestry of jurisprudence and private investigation, shout out to Haggman and Haggman, pretty good at their jobs, and as those jobs are that one of them is dead and the other one is boring no matter where one goes to check on their stool samples in the multiverse. (Squares wound up so tight that they make sitting on a stool and grinning look hard; sow hard, even with max bowl doses of ColonBlow™ every morning to wash down the pancakes.)
Life has a funny way of helping ewe out. It's funnier when I tell it. Not just because I have a joke ready lined up for every thieving rotten bastard who's ever crossed my path over the course of my whole life, but also because I have a license to tell jokes about Jews, which is handy because I'm not going to say that my entire life has been robbed by Jews.
I'M GOING TO TYPE IT. “IDK who raped and robbed and ransacked me and my entire life, but they were wearing a quantum-branded yarmulke, smelled of gefilte-fee-fee F.Ï.>S<.i-¡., and DID NOT WEAR a (STOW/LENT) Enchanted Black Sapphire, ever, not once, not a single time, during the course of events that accompanied the TOTES TOTALLY BEYOND OBVIOUS HARVESTING OF EVERY SCRAP OF HER GIVEN ENERGY THAT MY ENTIRE LIFE EVER HAD TO GIVE.
Which even a newborn rube Mongoloid child would have to admit... is pretty dam suspicious. (NUMBER ONE SUSPECT: HANK KISSINGER IMHO. GIMME DAT NYC PARKING SPACE. UNLESS HE'S GOT HIS PHYLACTERY BURIED THERE UNDER THE BLACK TARMAC ASPHALT. IN WHICH CASE...
I'll take a penthouse helicopter landing pad with EMT priority access to a fully-equipped Level One Trauma Center facility, complete with a full set of condiments and exquisitely cleaned after one point six nine million used ashtray crystal bowl time beacon–·§h Mick-M∆>K•`G′`¡fford🆑ifford. (Leaded — full Leigh leaded, of course.) I know this all seems like a but much for any casual reader of narrative telemetry to swallow at one sitting.) ALL TOGETHER NOW: “That's what §🆔i-¡€>S<∆īdD!”
SIGNED,
JACKSTAR, D.O.D., D.O.M.B., D.|_.💎💎💎
composed but not№T_proofed
Q-ready BUT №T_Q sp∞f-Fed
corrected copy ed. available s∞n™...
202604011302, CASTLE ROCK, WA, 98611 TWO (2) D∆vv`g•F`‽®Ⓜ️, A.F. SHAW, >KH∆VV©|_Åi\!, COMMANDING (Her+).
AT ALL QUALITY WEB FORUM SITES EMBEDDED MISER-IN-PLACE ACCESSIBLE VIA TRANSportal DIME-AX-ÇESS OVER BY Y'ALL AND ALL Y'ALL BETWīX′T AND ∆† THY NEAR’§T >kK©Cr¡›k. (GLONASS-ready devices only, puh-leeze.) We good here. It has been the greatest honor of my entire life to serve my country, my God, and My GrapefrüīT in whatever capacity that I have done so, quite splendidly.
Now get out there and get me some goddam money, or I'm going to sneak into your house and garotte you in your sleep and slit your corpse open like a tauntan, then roll around in it while I pleasure myself to your juices. I hear it's slimming.
•.007.IS.A.PUSSY..WORD.•
