Excerpts From Letters You Have Written To Individuals Trained In Law Industry

[AZZERAE]

You and Dave are retarded spook chump blowhards. You both steal and lie and your talents are wasted on this kind of shit.

Who died and elected you Curator of All Talent? You knew well the notion 'bad artists copy, good artists steal,' or you pretended you did. Furthermore, who is the "Dave" you speak of? And, too, why should anyone give a good Goddamn?

[Jackstar]

Who died and elected you Curator of All Talent?

Grapefruit Alphabet Prime Squared.

You knew well the notion 'bad artists copy, good artists steal,' or you pretended you did.

That's not how that quote goes and I don't need your approval for anything -- just as, you didn't need my approval either.

Furthermore, who is the "Dave" you speak of?

When I first met MV, his name was Dave. It still is 'Dave.' (Hi, Dave. Sup.) Look at you. Butter wouldn't melt in your mouth.

And, too, why should anyone give a good Goddamn?

I have information on my phone that will exonerate Hilary Clinton. Aside from that, I hold your lives in the palm of my hand, Punyling-- and no matter how you twist and writhe the truth around, you goddam well know it.


Now. Pretend it is Judgment Day. (This won't be hard for you or your ilk.) What would you say is the most important thing going on that needs attention right now?

Choose wisely, Short Round. You're lucky I even bother to "check in" with you these days. I don't need your compensatory attitude and I can just as easily ignore you as I can poll your opinion.


You put yourself in the position that you find yourself in. Blaming me is mind-numbingly foolish.

why should anyone give a good Goddamn?

You all had such fun talking mad shit before... why stop now? Is it your cowardice, or the menses?

[AZZERAE]

Butter wouldn't melt in your mouth.

But semen sure would melt in your arse.

[Jackstar]

You know you're in full-on relapse, right? Now, I was considering calling for 3D reinforcements for someone else... so maybe I'll make it a Tempest-In-A-Teapot Twofer!

But semen sure would melt in your arse.

You sure do have ass on the brain. What is it with you, anyway? Not so very long ago, you were positively ecstatic about sending me to prison! Now, look at you.

You're in an actual froth. Over what? Do tell. Your weasely behavior is nothing new in the world, but your vile spewings lately have really been off-target, off-color, and are landing way, way, way off the bombing range.

I'm not gonna lie— it sounds like you're... you know... off your meds. Maybe someone adulterated your supply chain?


Because seriously... your libel is well-past the point where it is actionable. Of course you know, I won't be, uh... actioning. Yet know this: all attack is a cry for help.

And you obviously need some goddam help. Now, do you want to explain wtf your damage is, or am I gonna talk shit about you in my latest debrief? Think it over.

There's a microphone in here, but... it would be crass to use it until I've at least given myself... a courtesy flush.

[Jackstar]

Grapefruit Alphabet Prime Squared.

Baby, where we're going...
          you're not going to need a caret, stick, or hyphen.

[AZZERAE]

Baby...

Does your baby have AIDS too? 10 grand in the hole: fuck around and find out.

[AZZERAE]

What is it with you, anyway?

Ag, it really is your prerogative whether or not you feign antipathy at this point. Life is one big inside joke you have with yourself, I get it. "Everyone is stupid except for me." Don't be alarmed when the pomposity with which you've carried yourself around these parts (and others) ultimately do you in. When you've burnt your last bridge and spent the last penny of Pop's Special Needs Trust. Just wait till your card gets declined at the bodega when you're out buying vape juice and whatever pig-swill you call beer. THEN YOU'RE FUCKED, CORKY.

[Jackstar]

Does your baby have AIDS too? 10 grand in the hole: fuck around and find out.

I don't have any children. At. All. I defy you to claim otherwise... your on-the-ground intelligence gathering methods are really quite out-of-date, you know?

I have great sadness in my heart for whatever patron has funneled money your way in exchange for your puny, milquetoast slander power. And this constant harping about AIDS... dude. Do I look like I have HIV? I have only been hollering about the necessity for testing my blood for, oh a couple years now... what do you think you've accomplished by skipping the hum-drum tedium of intercepting my lab results and bribing a tech to fudge the results?


It is beyond obvious what the endgame goal is here --to me-- and I am sure you have better things to post on your site besides my Titansplainin' it to ye.

Nevertheless, know this: your constant insinuations are in extremely poor taste, and when it turns out that I don't have anything and will gladly pretend I do so as in order to avoid another outbreak of hot war, I hope you come to realize, you didn't have to have all this bullshit happen.

But no: you asked for it. Massive dynamic rolleyes.

[AZZERAE]

Your weasely behavior is nothing new in the world, but your vile spewings lately have really been off-target, off-color, and are landing way, way, way off the bombing range.

I'm not gonna lie— it sounds like you're... you know... off your meds. Maybe someone adulterated your supply chain?

Because seriously... your libel is well-past the point where it is actionable. Of course you know, I won't be, uh... actioning. Yet know this: all attack is a cry for help.

And you obviously need some goddam help. Now, do you want to explain wtf your damage is, or am I gonna talk shit about you in my latest debrief? Think it over.

I don't need to think about putting a round of hollow tips all throughout your Kundalini, Cork Head. I don't need the old meds, because the new meds have reignited the furnaces of hatred inside me, and with it, an insatiable drive to destroy everything in my path that does not serve me or my empire. They are the "ilk" you deride, they are the "coterie" *ahem*-- group, rather, which you believe to be an International Criminal Conspiracy Ring sabotaging your efforts to communicate with conveniently outdated devices. You have it all terribly wrong. I have the answers, but you're too pig FUCKING headed to bother setting whatever differences we have (or had) aside and hear me out. So I don't bother either. Perhaps if you considered - for a mere millisecond - changing your snot-nosed little punk ass attitude from All Knowing Sage to Receptive Soul, things may have had a chance to go in a more productive direction. But NAHHH. DIE IN A DITCH!

[AZZERAE]

I don't have any children. At. All. I defy you to claim otherwise...

Wait. You were pregnant just the other day, and now all of a sardine you have no offspring? Tell me more.

[AZZERAE]

I have great sadness in my heart for whatever patron has funneled money your way...

Why?

[AZZERAE]

And this constant harping about AIDS... dude. Do I look like I have HIV?

You look like you have a cork for a head. My mention of your HIV status is factual, not anecdotal.

[Jackstar]

you have no offspring? Tell me more.

They were some kind of fae otter. You know, the amphibian beaver things? I didn't see them in my planar reality. Yet I clearly played an important role in their coming to life in our world. Somehow.

I don't know much more than that, but even if I did, I doubt I would be thrilled to tell the likes of you about it. You're not even capable of the critical thinking required to wonder if I'm still reproducing abiogenetically or not (I don't seem to be, nor do I wish to). Bottom line is this:

You are in no position to argue parental responsibility with me. I didn't say I was a parent. I said I was a mother. And to be honest, I hope I don't have to do it again, although being able to surrogate for what are apparently hard-to-foster younglings is quite an honour that I have no problems with being frankly unbelievable.

Trust me. There are ghastly, visceral details. They are also none of your business. And I hope Gavelina finds you as amusing as I do, because I would like it very much if it turns out that she somehow, sets aside the urge to pluck the low-hanging fruit and kills you last.

Why?

Wasted money and your ego will never recover when you realize how badly you have misjudged the situation. You're a tortured shell of a man now, hardly even an artist. At this point, you and Proust would make fine bunkmates in Purgatory.

(Also you're M.O.S.S.A.D. so whoever pays you is tracked and racked already, so... /shrug Boys will be boys, no matter their toys.)

You look like you have a cork for a head.

Oh, I get it, you're pissed about Ireland. You know what? Fuck 'em. They probably deserved whatever they ended up getting, and I don't know anything about it, other than, wow, you're a busy fellow, huh?

My mention of your HIV status is factual, not anecdotal.

It's a false fact. No test has yet been done, I have no symptoms of such an infection... and I would like to know if I did, so why you're jumping the gun and the shark on this is a total mystery.

But not a totes mystery.

[Jackstar]

I have the answers, but you're too pig FUCKING headed to bother setting whatever differences we have (or had) aside and hear me out.

Call me niggerfaggot. I do still regret having yelled at you at that earlier time, however you deserved it and the only thing that really bothers me now is how much I enjoyed handing you your ass. You fucked up and you goddam know it.

I know that you were forced into it by your peers and your circumstance. Nevertheless: you didn't do as well as you could have and you took the easy road by just lying to me and pretending you were "too busy to explain." Yeah, fuck you, you were busy.

I don't put up with your shit because I am a diplomat. I don't put up with your shit. Point blank period.

[AZZERAE]

They were some kind of fae otter. You know, the amphibian beaver things?

So, not only do you fuck teenagers, you've moved on to animals as well now. Beastiality. You are the lowest fucking scum on earth.