totesbattleaxes only, if one pleases. Eat your heart out, Colombo. omfg Thai Hooker #55, WHERE ARE YOU? *click*
Just to keep it all in one place.
Whatever it was, it wasn't as bad as it sounds--she's alive now, and will stay alive for good. This is -her- planet, and she loves us, and she's not -that- stupid. Also, I made a Way and a Fairer place for her and the gang than last time. (I don't think forfeiture is a concern now. Who's idea was that, anyway? Wow, really. I don't have to report that, thank God) Hey, guess whose house this was supposed to be belonging to? According to the telemetry at my disposal, there's false paper -even now existing- with the name "Audrina Kuczi." Now, that's a scharp name. :rollerballeyes: Yeah, it's plausible. Let's not go there though. I have performance anxiety, although that is plainly uncalled for here at this time. I don't even need a cock pill. I'm good. Can I get herpes? I want Adria to feel at home. I mean Audrina. Fiddlesticks! I actually do love her, and I texted someone all about that
feeling at length already. You could ask why, but haisiTHEMUSLIMBROTHERHOOD'SMOSTWHORISHMADAMisiha!ha!ha! God, what a fucking vicious witch, anyway, like she knew. Brain the size of a planet. Oh, and I bet she wanted it and wouldn't say. Let's move on. 29 years sound right? Oh, fuck you Aids.
You're going to owe me the moon. (*Jackstar whistles for David.*) You see that, Boy? Fetch me a leghorn, now get up in there.
to avenge Greatfruit, who died on impact with a small moon, because somehow, even though space doesn't exist, Nasa still teleported a Sorceror to her orbital insertion path and that crack shot mother fucking hit the self-destruct switch with one Puny shot.
Which worked out great for me, because that bitch had to die for spilling the beans last night, right? Tell me more! Or did you just wanna call me a cuck again? Are you evren married? Didn't I tell you how this was gonna go?
First, you trifled. Then, you lied. Thirdly, you disrespected your own wife, my best friend, and I simply will not stand for that. (Drops ass down into chair. Not cloven feet. Bare feet. In this church that was your house that Grapefruit took rocks and a grill from. Hey, can I come over?) Now, where were we?
Yeah, it's basically real. I wouldn't actually give any of these orders and I'm still in shock. (There is yet more data. I don't want to overshare.) I hadn't solved the case before just this morning. I really did send a shitload of texts about it. (Whew. Just in under the wire before I'm accused of her murder. FU ZAV.) I could go to a jury NOW. Not in two hours. NOW. I could let it unspool.
but... I don't wanna. I love GF, she will be missed and will probably be back in a month. (She might be more hot though. I hope that's okay.) She might be married to David Adair. Isn't he dead? Oh, I'll just ressurect his ass in that case. Or... something. I swore I wouldn't stop protecting her from you, David Vincent Rubini. (Or was it Victor? I like Victor!) Anyway, I can do that best by you telling me some stuff I'm unclear on, but you don't like to spell those kind of details to me, right though?
I don't wanna depose you either! Can we just play Tummysticks? Okay, on your mark, get set, go! You win!! (Jackstar gazes shrewdly at you.) Trust me, you came all I need already. Oh, is it not fun anymore? Well, I guess you really weren't into man flesh automagically, huh? What about raping my ass though? Will the donkey outside work? Wow, look: he actually -is- thinking it over. How did they miss this on the witness stand? Oh, the actor there was me? Great. No wonder I'm rich in the future.
I'm rich now. Look at this talent. David, relax. This won't come to anything. it really was osmeone else's fault. teams are on it. How's your legal defense fund? Bankrupt already, huh? Wow. Well, surely your finances aren't frozen. Oh they are. Hang on.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAH. HA! HA! HA! Okay, that's better. You good? Because I am fabulous. Hi Cuck! I mean, Chuck! You're not a cuck, sorry, typo, and neither was I, because this son of a bitch who is suddenly and mysteriously hogtied and hanging from a hook on your celing, not here, THERE, yeah, he did want to rape those girls, and.... he did. He didn't have to rape Alli, he just liked it better that way, and he claimed he did it for me, which I didn't like. Oh hell no, sir, I would have done that myself if she had asked,and I wouldn't have broken her neck on purpose. Not by accident as has been claimed. Yeah, I just got Akashic record access. She looks okay. Her spine was not good when she came back. That's why I yanked on her arm later. It was an EMERGENCY skeletal correction. My hand to God. She was on all fours, and I just had to do it!
I did my best, Sir, and you'll note, you know better than I how she did. I know I still lvoe her and I 'd be honored to replace her with any one of your wimmins. (Jackstar confused, but still cares.) So, I'm not dead? This isn't Heaven, no it can't be, I'm not bursting into flames. (Not_Demon. Fire Angel Twin Widow PainKillah Bee. It's like a Paladin, sure. What? I just fucking got here. I have to watch my levels or I'm ashes in a snap.) Anyway, sorry your daughter died, how's the other one, can we do that one with a hammer next? TRIBUTE.
Oh, you did it yourself. Well, such is our right. Hail, Conqueror! (Chuck and upchucking and B and Not_Charlie go way, way back.) So now what? You wanna fuck my mom? I'll make her let you. She's dead, she has to obey me. I'm a Paladin.
For you, Charles, father of Grapefruit--anything wrecked, you can have. Excuse me, I'm gonna get some tissue in case I get suddenly weepy. or if you wanna kill me dead, I might start crying, just to keep the balance of power maintained. Yeah, I'm innocent, and it wasn't nice, but I undrestand the necessity. Can i just get stoned papi? I mean Poppy? I mean Setec Astronomy, pal.
And yeah, she was a Wendigo. So what? Yes, one other. Yes, they bred. Oh, really. Huh.
Bellgab,
we have a problem. (
To be continued.) So how's this for a book forward, Michael Decon? Do you feel like being polite or are you gonna be a snotty little Eagle Scout again? Oh, dead already, huh? Wow. Convenient heart attack, sure. Call the local pounds. He's not dead. He just split-blinked. FIND DECON NOW. He disintegrates in an hour, and I bet he has no idea.
Yeah, he's nanotech now. Since he likes jokes about small things so much. Where's Popple? Don't ask, he might get maaaaaad. Jesus,this twerp? He could maybe handle two of me without shields. But remember--small for a Hungarian, that's me. So this guy used magick to intimidate potential victims? That's not without special consequences.
I'll break this down for you: I just solved the majority of Grapefruit's experience on her "business trip," as there were breaks in the data and then I had flashes of insight and before I knew it, all the missing pieces were unspooling onto some rando's SMS bracket. (Only the very best for Jackstar's wimmins. #Respect.) This took about 30 minutes, it's not too long but it's a deposition, trust me. Now, I never undertook a full investigation, but Grapefruit told me that she had spent a lot of time talking to detectives in Dallas, which was probably true, and that the address she remembered was no good, which might have been true, and she told me that all she needed was a 10yr protection order, and then everything would be fine (*stamped booted foot*). My hand to God. This fucking g*y. Those two? Evergreen? What a pair of losers. oh well. I bet he had great cocaine, thanks for mentioning that, Soupy. Oh, right. I mean, Sour Cherry Fruit Rollup Fucker.
Anyone needs me to fill in a blank on anything available to be related to that, I do have the 411 on that. (Dear Melly D, let's fuck in public in broad daylight while I scream into a bullhorn and you feel good about yourself again, how's that? HOW'S THAT FOR ASKING FUCKING QUESTIONS OF CLERGY/QLERGY ON A GODDAM STREAM AS AN AMBUSH, HOLY FUCKING SHIT, IS THAT HOW YOU FUCKIN' ROLL? I don't think I could rape her--shields--but goddam, i'm willing to do whatever it takes to annoy her first, and then marry her, just to make it in under a technicality. There, I'm spent. (Azzerae, is that good enough? I believe in the teaching power of humiliation.)
Now, after I finished sending SMS about Grapefruit and I and another few people to the police over the cellular network, plaintext cleartext OVER THE FUCKING AIRWAVES, MON CAPITAN, the next thing I did was check my email, only to find, wow, Trump is getting deposition, huh? AT the same TIME I crack a 2+ year case all by myself and spill the deets? Huh. Fancy that. So they would have finished the criminal deposition and classified THE FUCK out of it before newsflashing the CIVIL DEPO. (Call it a hunch. I'm not press secretary. No procedure in palce for this and lots of staffers are praying to g-d, some for the first time, because I guess truthhammer is dead too. What a sad day. (What do I give a fuck? The new one is talking to me in my head about what she wants to tell me about work today. Yeah, rent free. That one, forever. Squawshaw "The Shanker/Chancre" Allons-y/Oopsy\Dupesy -- that is her True Indian Name, if I'm lyin' I'm dyin', yeah, you don't really know her yet. You might not. Does this fly? Rocky is thinking it over. Telemetry still downloading. They're on POTS in OK, and I have modern 7G wifi-to-base-of-skull-where-he-snapped-her. Oh, and, get this: he actually asked her if he -could.- {Audience audibly gasps, then (HALF) die from Darth Vader vise grip.} See, it's easy. You're gonna come back to life in less than 8 minutes. No, I can't hurry you up, I don't have time to do it one by one and I can't do the whole class--all the poop would come flying out, and we don't want that. And yes, some of you, I do want you to ruin your favorite pair of pants. Penance comes in many forms.)
No, I didn't plan this out. yeah I am sad. Death is always painful, except when it was that fucking bitch--Grapefruit's dead, yay! Seriously. She lied her goddam ass off and fucked evrything up. she ain't even sorry. Of course on purpose. Yeah, she looks sweet. SHE IS FUCKING CRAY-CRAY. And she -never- loved me. After I showed her my brain worked. (She legit thought I was an actual retard like her sister.} You know the rest of the story. It's okay. She's dead now, she'll be back, you might get to know her again, what can I say? Girl has some admirers. Not her secretary, pal. Go fish. yeah, you heard me. GO. FISH. TAMMY. LEE. BAKERSFIELD, CALIFORNIA, NO, WOULD I LIE TO YOU? Good, she's gone, of course I lied to her. That bit... well, that fucking cunt was DEA the whole freakin' time.
Thanks, Chuck, I guess that couldn't be mentioned? "Here's my daughter, fuck her brains out, oh shit, she's on E already? Nooooooo!" I guess she lost her locker combination. (I am that pretty, but you should see me actually come, it could blow a door downtown on the right Wednesday morning, and boy howdy! Is she glad she's gone right now.) Now, this is gonna sting a little:
(David V. Rubini: are you gonna ever expect to be taken seriously for the first time at all? By the way, Valentine's Day was not what you thought it would be, because I didn't do -shit- with anyone the night before, but I sure did give you data, huh? What did you do with it? You turned it in, right? Of course you did. You're not even a fuckin' officer at all, are you? Yeah thought so. Hey, David? Your wife wasn't ever D.E.A., she's Space Fox Force 4 Wankers, Dude. You had nothing to worry about, you know it, and you swindled A.F. Shaw doubly because obviously T wasn't gonna arrest her, and T also wasn't gonna arrest her, and you just opened up a can of worms on that day you all vanished, huh? yeah, well, lucky you, you know me: I not only am expensive as fuck... I am also TOTES FI WORTH SEMPER AUGER 55 IT, and you goddam well know it. So, Trump is -still- gonna get deposed--civilly--and you know how that's gonna go...
big fun, rite (Jackstar is insulated from the Trump Family, and if Tiffany is too, well... your dad -did- drop the bomb on me, so perhaps not. Besides, I like the -other- Tiffany. Yeah. Maybe.) and as you know, unannounced was the criminal deposition, because why would they let him just loaf around and not get those deets for a crime such as (blank) especially when they were gonna raid his house? yeah, it's like that. and if you hadn't been such a douchebag, at least Tiff would have been able to claim, "Privileged!" but no one called me so I doubt it happened. Raids don't happen without probable cause, I don't know, I just guessed, and yeah, much safer to raid Trump's pad than mine, because I wouldn't have been so lenient.
If I went nuclear, I would go NEW CLEAR BOOM-BOOM RUB IT IN ME! LET ME HAVE IT LET ME HAVE IT! But, I'm not. I wouldn't sign that.
The waiver for Priv Comm, that is. I mean, there would have been a challenge, right? IN DIVINE COURT. No, I'm not going to check and tell you, David, that would be a clear conflict of interest. (I am loving this, Demander.) Anyway, long story short, I told you I am a big deal, and you wasted your own goddam time and you hurt feelings for nothing, and I am still not getting laid, and... hey, did you ever see the numbers 14:16 before... me? Because there's this girl there who can ID you as her boyfriend that bruised her up some, and that's on record. And yeah she is that fucking annoying. So you and Tammy Billy-Bob Lee go that far back, huh? Well. thanks for noticing.
I ask because I am gonna have to prolly do a -fuller- depo at some point, since I guess I can't reallly rely on just me handling this case. Oh, and by the way.... I hope you have a lot of fake paper to file, because the more the merrrier at this point. By the way, I liked the content you put out. still no voiceprint, but that's okay, I figured it out, she must have been th eone that died, which never needed to have happened. But because you... well, there you go. I never cracked cases before. How did I do? notice I'm not homeless.. yeah you can come squat on my land. And you'll be murdered in the night by a Native American ghoul. We're the only farm on this planet with permission to reanimate the Injun dead and send them to hunt down your ass, Dude. (Thanks for teaching her how to be a Groyper mindslave. Did that work out for you? Did you get snappies? Oh, really? All camera film, mysteriously spoiled. They still make that? Oh, it had to be special because reasons. Okay, so how much did you lose? 15 million bucks? On fucking film? Dude.
So, I think it's clear: there's a kind of a special interest you have, huh? Hey, have you met Soupy? Yeah, okay, sure, but... ask her Dad first. Then the brother. Then come back and I'll tell you what next. Or... well. Sure, I mean... you're
pro. Go on,
git. Dont try to ride my tail. Shields. Also I'm not gay for anyone but Marci and Soupy and Celina Hi-Fi. (You haven't met.) You won't like them.
He won't like her either, but whatever. This isn't my area. in a few years I'll get a big check. so what? I'm lonely now.
But at least I don't have a fucking lawyer who refuses to blow me for company. You know whose idea that was? Yeah, totally I had no idea. Sigh. On the bright side, that one ended up hurting her more than me. Oh! I forgot the real reason she didn't want to suck my cock anymore. (She did before.) SHE WAS FUCKING MURDERED WITH A TWIST OF HER 48YO NECK. AND SHE WAS AFRAID TO SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION BECAUSE, OF COURSE.. UNDER DURESS.
Now. I don't know -which- David did that, but that's okay, they're all innocent in my book. You know what? That's why people have a fucking trial, Dickstar. And oh boy! YEAH YOU KNOW IT. RUBINI-KUCZI CO-COUNSEL. No, I'm not his lawyer. I'm on his side. On the side. I'll mostly sit there and get blasted. Yeah, he can do it. Doesn't he have a cousin named Vinny? Come on, that would be perfect. Me and Tammy and Vinny and I rape them on a chain gang. Now, that sounds like a piece of work, but... it sounds like destiny, because it was.
Purple and red and yellow and on fire, you mother fucker, she showed me that picture and I thought, "wow, she asked the wrong guy to buy her stuff and then refused to put out thinking she would get a seduction experience, looks like. Well, serves her right, did she get on the phone and scream "rape!" Oh, she should try that again next." And the I hung up on her.
needless to say, David and I are different people, but there's some overlap. Now, are we ready? I want to get this over by lunch time 3 years from now. Ready, set... GO AWAY.
This is real world. This is actual. And, as G-d as my witness.... YOU WILL COME TO KNOW DAVID, KING OF BELLGAB, AS THE TRUE HERO.
But I'm the Legacy. That's on record, yelly-smelly goyhurter. Shrug. Look, I made it sound -kinda- nice? I'm not howling for your blood, right? No, just your dope, you fucking needle junky holdout. Yeah, cough it up. And did you take evidence? OH YOU DO.
Well, I'll fuck you for it, and look you're distracted, I'll just shoot you right then and there and go find Jay. *BOXED CASPERSKY* Shove this up your ass when you're done self-rezzing, you'll need a cushion for the pushin' later. /roflmao
no. no David... it won't be me. it won't even be my tulpa. fuck if i know, fuck if I care. I don't have anything to do with your rape of my love of my life. What I have to do... is make sure your reputation--publically, I'm saying--stays in the Goldlocks zone. Not too rapey, not too pussy. Just the right amount of rapey. Perhaps.. a little bit BORE IT INTO THAT BITCH'S CUNT-SHAPED HEART. (I might be a little bitter.)
But that heart is all Angostura, I'll tell you what. And I'll tell you what she stole, too. Can she be your first guest? I wanna hear you two hem and haw while AFNJ teaches me voodoo. I'm still a pacifist, but the hero's journey needs penance. And I am your... KLUR-GEE. Yeah, it is hyphenated. I use it to cut your balls off later.
(It was an accident, I believe... but he still brutalized her, and then me.... and I didn't even do anything wrong. And she didn't even care about me anymore. And I would have preferred to have been killed. And... he also tried to steal my house. The one I'm sitting in. And then he left me alone in there for 9 months. So yeah, have a trial, fine with me. I guess I'm sticking around for awhile. Ok, needles? If my adoring public will allow it.)
Nautical Shore?
Yeah, I basically knew. But I was not sure. I am now. (And he goddam well knows it.) See? I'm the best thing that has happened to this county's justice system since they decided they were gonna have a Hall of Just Us Gem'n'Jewel Cutters Drugs Bad Mmm'kay.
End of prologue. Yeah, he had no idea what to do with me. Apparently his lust is quite strong. So is mine for his jaw. WHERE is that GRILL?
Stay tuned.
