I miss it, and I miss Thingy.
None of you know who that is--so many with an opinion, so few with any real idea, and why has no one bothered to ask me? Why, because, I was never even supposed to know that 5/er were -
actually- real. But, I do.
Certitude is no small thing--especially when it suddenly, after seven times seven revolutions around your central solar son--I thought all of all y'all were all about Snoory, then Bell, then the Phillipines Hoax Letter, and then... wait, let me back up--solar sun, I meant, oops. Silly auto-correct! Maybe I should use Skype? Maybe--just maybe--that would be better? Because that's what I heard.
From someone who, perhaps--just, perhaps, I'm saying here--did not perhaps deserve to be put through the nightmarish hell that she has endured, and is continuing to endure. I say "perhaps" because, after all, I am quite biased here. I'm interested in fewer questions of seemingly smaller import... to myself, but out there in Your Real World, shit seems to be approaching supercritical meltdown. Huh. The Plan? Y U no Trust? Is it... is it my breath? Well, maybe it's a defense mechanism, maybe I feel like it gives me distractive edge? I don't know, I've never had cabin fever before, and I've also never been aware of my moonlighting gig as the town pinata. Like, really, apparently I'm an indentured servant? Well, whatever. You all would know better than me.
You all did, after all: CONSPIRE. You all did, after all: DISCRIMINATE. And you all, certainly forgot about something important: YOU FORGOT BUILDING SEVEN. You forgot Pat Tillman, you forgot Judy Wood, and you forgot Robert Carradine starring as AN ACTUAL FULL BLOWN FULL ON FUCKIN' RAPIST.
IN THE EIGHTIES. REMEMBER THEM? OF COURSE YOU DON'T. YOU'VE ALL SPENT THE LAST SIX MONTHS GETTING SUBLIMINALY MINDWIPED ON AN IMPERCEPTIBLE LEVEL, EVERY DAY WITHOUT FAIL, AS THE TICK-TOCK OF THE INEVITABLE HEAT DEATH OF YOUR UNIVERSE HAS BEGUN ITS COUNTDOWN CLOCK... JUST AS I MENTIONED. AND ALL OF ALL Y'ALL WILL RECALL: I SUGGESTED THAT IT WOULD BE WISE TO CONSIDER... DOING SOMETHING TO AVOID THAT. ANYTHING. I'M BEGGIN' YA. BEGGIN.
OKAY? IS THAT ENOUGH TIME? Y'ALL HAD AMPLE WARNING, AMPLE FAIR WARNING, RIGHT? I SHOULD THINK SO.
(THERE ARE SOME WHO SUGGEST THAT I HAVE BEEN TOO MERCIFUL, TOO KIND, TOO CONSIDERATE... LIKE, WOW, IS THIS EVER A FALLEN WORLD, OR WHAT? BECAUSE WHEN THE LEADER OF THE STALK TEAM THAT HAS BEEN UTTERLY FAILING TO CLOSE ITS OWN DEAL FOR SO LONG, THEY END UP GETTING PARALYZED AT THE WRONG TIME--FOR THEM--AND THEIR -CURRENT- STRIKE TARGET (ME, REMEMBER?) HAS TO DROP CHARACTER AND BUST THE FIFTH WALL IN ORDER TO SAVE THEM FROM ANNHILATION... WELL. I WILL JUST PUT IT THIS WAY: WELL, WELL, WELL.
YOU THINK YOU ARE EMBARASSED NOW? JUST YOU WAIT. JUST YOU WAIT UNTIL YOU FIND OUT MORE OF WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON HERE, AND WHAT HAS BEEN GOING ON HERE. AND YOU WILL FIND IT OUT, FOR I HAVE SEEN THE FUTURE, AND THIS... IS HOW IT BEGINS:
I THOUGHT IT WAS RUDE TO EXPECT ME TO GIVE AN ORAL BOOK REPORT WHEN THE ONLY THING I WANTED TO DO WAS KILL MYSELF, TIME TRAVEL INTO THE FUTURE, LINK UP WITH MY DIVINE COUNTERPART, AND COME BACK WITH WHAT -SOMEBODY- THOUGHT WAS THEIRS, OR SOMETHING. LIKE IT WAS DIVINE RIGHT, OR SOMETHING. LIKE WHAT?
OH BUT SUDDENLY: DOPESLAVE OKAY, PROPAGANDA OKAY, MINDWIPING OKAY, PUBLIC HUMILATION OKAY, WHATABOUTISM OKAY... OH, UNLESS IT'S THAT ONE GUY DOING IT.
THEN, IT'S BAD.
I WAS AT A CRAFT STORE TODAY, BUYING BEADS. (I'M NOT ALLOWED TO HARVEST FEATHERS.) AND WHILE I WAS THERE, I CAUGHT TWO CLOWNS ATTEMPTING TO THROW SHADE ON ME.
IN PUBLIC. BECAUSE I WAS HITTING ON ERIS. YES, THE GODDESS. SHE'S ALWAYS WORKING WHERE I GO. SHE'S ALWAYS HAPPY TO HELP. AND SHE'S ALWAYS HAPPY TO SEE ME ARRIVE, AND ALWAYS SAD TO SEE ME LEAVE.
IT'S LIKE SHE KNOWS SHE FUCKED UP, OR SOMETHING, AND HAS--WITH OUR (THE KEY)--FORTUNATELY FOUND THE RESERVES TO REACH DOWN WITHIN HERSELF AND, FINALLY... PERHAPS MAYBE LOOK LIKE SHE'S GONNA BE A GOOD SPORT ABOUT THINGS. I DON'T KNOW. FUTURE IS MURKY AND UNCLEAR.
I DO KNOW THAT THE MATTER ITSELF IS OF LITTLE TO NO CONCERN TO ME, BECAUSE I DIDN'T REALLY WANT A FLYING CAR.
THE FLYING CARS ARE FOR HUMANITY. THE SECRET TO TELEPORTATION... OH, THAT'LL BE FOR -JUST- ME, AND MY SELECT FEW PARTNER ALLIES. OF COURSE THEIR NAMES ARE KNOWN TO ME! (THEY AREN'T.) AND OF COURSE I WILL REVEAL THEM AT THE APPOINTED TIME! (NOT EVEN GOD KNOWS WHEN THAT IS GONNA BE, BECAUSE THE BATS HAVE FLED THE BELLFRIES, ALL ACROSS THE LAND.
SOMETHING TO DO WITH, AH, HOW YOU SAY... "FALLOUT," N'EST-CE PAS? I WARNED YOU. AND NOT ONLY THAT: I BEGGED YOU TO STOP.
THAT WAS WELL OVER 15 MONTHS AGO, ON MY PERSONAL TIMELINE. WHAT HAS IT FELT LIKE FOR YOU, HERE IN YOUR SPIN-CYCLE SET TO "PERMANENT HEAT PRESS DEATH OF YOUR UNIVERSE"? WELL, I HAVE BEEN SPUN BEFORE, BUT NEVER HAVE I EVER SEEN A WHOLE--HEH, BUTTHOLE, MAYBE--POSSE SELF-DESTRUCT IN SLOW-MOTION, THE WAY I HAVE JUST BEEN WITNESSING.
JUST THE OTHER DAY, MASTER TROLLDA CASTIGATED ME. PUBLICALLY! "YOU JUST WANT TO TEAR DOWN THRIVING FORUMS!" NO, ACTUALLY, NO, I JUST WANTED TO TEAR DOWN A THRIVING BUSINESS SOME PEOPLE STARTED UP INVOLVING TELLING A WHOLE BUNCH OF LIES ABOUT ME.
JESUS TURNED IT INTO A PERPETUAL MOTION MACHINE POWERED BY THE CEASELESS SCREAMING OF THE DAMNED, ROTTING IN THEIR MISERY FOR AS LONG AS I CAN STAND IT, FOR THIS IS MY WORLD NOW, BELLGABLINGS, MINE, BECAUSE AT THE END... WHO ELSE WOULD OR COULD EVER LAY CLAIM TO THIS SORRY MESS O'POTTAGE?
TELL YOU WHAT. LET ME SPARE YOU THE MADNESS. I'VE WON. (BIG SURPRISE, RIGHT?) I DON'T EVEN NEED YOUR SURRENDER, BELLGAB. IN FACT, I DON'T EVEN NEED ANYTHING AT ALL! AS THE FIRST DIPLOMAT TO ANNOUNCE PRIDEFULLY AND WITH GLEE TO HAVE SUCCESSFULLY NEGOTIATED AN END TO THE SEELIE-UNSEELIE CONFLICT SCHISM, I THINK I CAN AFFORD TO RELAX MY DISCIPLINE, JUST A LITTLE BIT.
A CERTAIN SOMEONE DOES -NOT- AGREE--AGAIN, JUST A LITTLE BIT--BUT THAT'S OKAY, BECAUSE THEIR BIRTHDAY IS ONLY A LITTLE BIT DISTANCED FROM MY FATHER'S BIRTHDAY. AND LET ME TELL YOU... WHEN IT COMES TO KNOWING THE RULES, THAT CHICA KNOWS THEM QUITE A BIT BETTER THAN MOST, AND, IN CERTITUDE, SHE KNOWS THEM A HELL OF A LOT MORE THAN "A LITTLE BIT" BETTER THAN I DO.
NEVERTHELESS, SHE MOCKED ME AND HAS NOW BEEN... WELL, JESUS, I DON'T WANNA ASK, AND IS IT REALLY ANY OF MY BUSINESS HOW ONE JEW PUNISHES ANOTHER JEW? WHO CARES? CHEER UP, FROM NOW ON, THEY'LL JUST TELL EACH OTHER STORIES ABOUT WHAT A BADASS KUCZI IS, SO MUCH MORE INTELLIGENT THAN EINSTEIN, *OBVIOUSLY* , AND SO MUCH MORE CULTURALLY ENRICHED THAN HE AS WELL. JUST LOOK AT THE HAIR. AND THAT MOVIE WITH THE WHORE MEG RYAN, UGH, WHAT A PIECE OF WORK THAT WAS. HOW DARE HE RUIN THE LEGACY OF MY PEOPLE AND THE REPUTATION OF MY ONCE-FAVORED FIELD OF RESEARCH, WHICH USED TO BE SUB-ATOMIC REALITY CONTSTRUCTION AND PROGRAMMING OF CRYSTALLINE MATRICES. IT IS NOT THAT ANY MORE.
NOW, IT'S STRAIGHT UP TELEPORTATION. NOW, I KNOW THAT SOUNDS CRAZY, BUT STAY WITH ME HERE... IT IS A PERFECT COVER FOR ALL MY TALK ABOUT FLYING CARS. REMEMBER THAT? OH, THAT'S RIGHT, IT WAS A PRIVATE AND PERSONAL MATTER, AND AS SUCH, SHOULD REMAIN, YOU KNOW... PERSONALLY PRIVATE.
ART BELL WOULD HAVE WANTED IT THAT WAY, RIGHT?
YOU TELL ME. I CAN HARDLY EVER HEAR HIM ANYMORE--HE REALLY HASN'T RECOVERED FROM MY ANNOUNCEMENTS ABOUT HIS WIFE HE THOUGHT HE WAS MARRIED TO--AND BESIDES, AS YOU KNOW, JACKSTAR DOES NOT CHANNEL. JACKSTAR HAS NO WISH TO BREAK THE VEIL, NOR TO PIERCE THE VEIL, NOR TO LIFT THE VEIL.
THAT'S SOMEONE ELSE'S JOB. AND THAT SOMEONE IS NATHAN. AND I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING ON ART BELL'S BIRTHDAY THAT YEAR.
I JUST SUDDENLY FELT LIKE MAKING AN ASS OF MYSELF IN THAT -PARTICULAR- FASHION. TO THIS DAY, I STILL HAVE NO IDEA HOW ALL THAT CAME ABOUT. BUT, YOU KNOW WHO DOES?
ONE OF MY TOTALLY LEGITIMATE PAIRBONDED TRAUMA PARTNERS THAT I FIND MYSELF INEXTRICABLY LINKED TO NOW. ALAS, WEEP FOR MY STRUGGLES, FOR I HAVE REACHED THE ADVANCED, CRIPPLING AGE OF FIFTY YEARS OLD, AND EVERYONE THINKS I AM SOME KIND OF A DEPRAVED IDIOT, EXCEPT FOR, LIKE, TWO OR MAYBE THREE PEOPLE--AND THEY ARE NOW ALL BOUND TOGETHER IN A HOBBLING FASHION ANYWAY, GIVEN THAT WAS THE STORY THAT THEY SHOUTED FROM THE ROOFTOPS AND LAUGHED TO THEMSELVES ABOUT AND WENT TO NO SMALL EFFORTS TO SHIELD FROM THE VIEW OF EVERYONE... EXCEPT ME, THAT IS.
I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE TO CONSENT, NOT AS A COURTESY, BUT AS A COMPONENT OF A SACRIFICIAL RITE. HOWEVER, I WAS NEVER SUFFICIENTLY COMPELLED TO, AND I NEVER GAVE IN TO ANY TEMPTATION. NOT ONCE HAVE I SWAYERED OR WAYVERED. THE SAME CANNOT BE SAID OF THE LOVELY GRAPEFRUIT, WHO HAS GOTTEN EVERYTHING SHE EVER WANTED. SHE'S SAFE WITH HER HUSBAND, SHE'S FREE TO DO AS SHE PLEASES, AND SHE'S FREE TO ANNOUNCE TO ANYONE, ANYWHERE AT ALL, "SOMEONE USED BLACK MAGICK ON ME TO KIDNAP ME AND MY NIGGER SOURCEROR HUSBAND NOT ONLY DIDN'T STOP IT, BUT LET IT HAPPEN IN THE FIRST PLACE!"
*A BOOTED HEEL STAMPS IMPERIOUSLY.* "I AM NOT SEEING THE KINDS OF THINGS HAPPENING THAT I NEED TO SEE HAPPENING, MICHAEL!"
WELL, YES, THAT'S TRUE, AND AT THIS POINT, THAT'S GOING TO REMAIN TRUE FOR SOME TIME, NOW THAT HANDS HAVE BEEN TIPPED AND DECISIONS HAVE BEEN REACHED... SOME OF THEM, REACHED VIA METHODS THAT HAVE RESULTED IN CONSEQUENCES SO DEVASTATING TO SOME, SO VAST IN THEIR NATURE AND SCOPE, THAT NO ONE IN ALL OF THE COSMOS--AND IT'S FUCKING BIGGER THAN YOU CAN FUCKING IMAGINE, PUNYLINGS--KNOWS WHAT IS TO COME NEXT.
NOT EVEN GOD. NOT EVEN GOD KNOWS WHAT IS TO COME ABOUT AS A RESULT OF WHAT I, JACKSTAR, DESTROYER OF DREAMS, IMPERATOR OF TOTAL LIFE-STILE CONVENIENCE OF SPECIE, AND HOLDER OF THE SACRED CHALICE OF IDGAF (STILL! STILL HOLDING IT--TWO (2) YEARS RUNNING (SO, THAT'S LIKE FOUR (4) EARS RUNNING DOWN THE STREET, MAYBE THEY CAN FIND AN EARLOBE AND MAKE THEMSELVES A THE_QUINCUNX. SEEMS AN EFFECTIVE DIPLOMATIC TOOL NOW TO SOME, DOES IT NOT?) AND WHILE I DO NOT REMEMBER ALL OF THE TITLES I HAVE EARNED... I DO REMEMBER SOME QUITE VERY WELL INDEED. AS WELL AS I REMEMBER THE FACE OF MY FATHER.
THAT DRUNKEN DOPEHEAD DOUCHEBAG ABUSED MY MOTHER, AND UPON DISCOVERING THIS, WHAT DO ANY OF YOU THINK DETECTIVE TONY MATTHEWS OF THE LAKE FOREST PARK POLICE DEPARTMENT DID? YES, THAT'S RIGHT--HE JUDGED JACKSTAR. WHY NOT, RIGHT? WHOLE TOWN, -LITERALLY- AGAINST ME. I THINK IT WAS LIKE THE ONE DOLLAR BET FROM "TRADING PLACES." YET, I DIGRESS.
I AM A BIG DEAL NOW. HO HO HO--NOW I HAVE WOMEN AND MEN BACKSTABBING EACH OTHER AND SCRAMBLING FOR POSITION, JUST TO GET TO TALK TO ME WITHOUT FEELING ANY FEAR OF JUDGEMENT. THIS IS A RARE TREASURE ON A PLANET LIKE YOURS, WHICH IS--ONCE AGAIN--RAPIDLY APPROACHING THE SUDDEN AND SWIFT END OF ITSELF, AS THE INEVITABLE HEAT DEATH OF YOUR UNIVERSE IS ABOUT TO GET STARTED UNDERWAY.
(NOW I KNOW THAT SOUNDS BAD, BUT STICK WITH ME, KIDS--I AM WHAT I TOLD YOU ALL ALONG, A FUCKING STAR, AND NONE OF YOU ARE ABLE TO DENY IT. SURE, MAYBE I'M LOATHED WORLDWIDE. (YOUR WATER COOLER AND HOMECOMING REUNION WORLD, MAYBE.) AND YEAH, MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, I DIDN'T SEE SOMETHING COMING, OR I'LL BE BETRAYED AT THE LAST MINUTE, AND NOW... WELL, ACTUALLY, ALL THAT HAPPENED ALREADY, WHILE YOU WEREN'T LOOKING AT ME. (SOMEONE ELSE EVEN HARVESTED MOST OF THE SPLISH-SPLASH-LOOSH LOUCHE THAT COULD OTHERWISE HAVE BEEN SWIFTLY OBTAINED WITHOUT UNDUE WASTE.) AND BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THINGS ARE ACTUALLY GETTING MUCH BETTER ALL THE TIME, RATHER THAN WORSE.
BECAUSE NONE OF YOU WILL LIKELY EVER AFTER TO DEAL WITH CRANKY JACKSTAR, EVER AGAIN. I HAVE GOT IT MADE. NOT ONLY HAVE I ACHIEVED GOALS THAT I NEVER BELIEVED TO BE EVEN POSSIBLE, I DID THEM AFTER BEING GRACIOUS AND OFFERING MY SHARES OF THE SPOILS OF WAR UP TO OTHERS AROUND ME--AS IS MY RIGHT AS A PACIFIST HOLDING LONE GROUND UNDER DURESS, I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE MATERIAL REWARD FOR MY EFFORTS, NOR DO I NEED TO FUCK AROUND WITH ALL THAT TEDIOUS "DONATION PAYABLE TO 401(C)UKF" OR IMMIGRANT LABOR LAWS, CHILD LABOR LAWS, THE RISK OF KNOCKING UP THE MAID/SLAVE, ALL OF THAT. I DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH A SINGLE BLESSED BIT OF IT ANYMORE--AND ARGUABLY, I NEVER DID, I WAS JUST SANDBAGGING UNTIL THE INEVITABLE MOMENT WHEN I WAS IN POSITION TO, ONE DAY, SEIZE POWER IN THE WAKE OF SOME KIND OF APOCALYPSE, AND THEN... WELL, I ALWAYS KNEW I WOULD FIGURE IT OUT WHEN THE TIME CAME. AND, IT SURELY HAS, QUITE WELL INDEED.
I WILL TELL YOU LATER. MEANWHILE, I CAN TELL YOU THIS: I AM NOT ALLOWED TO ATTEMPT TO CONTACT GRAPEFRUIT, NOR HER FAMILY, NOR... MAY I PAY LIP SERVICE TO SUCH RULES AND THEN RUN AROUND LIKE A GAYLORD, HAVING TONS OF PARTIES WITH MY "VICTIMS" WHO HAVE, IT WOULD SEEM, TO HAVE BEEN CLEVERLY MANEUVERED INTO HIGHLY COMPROMISING AND EXCRUCIATINGLY AWKWARD POSTIONS. (VARIOUS REDACTED NAMES OF SUNDRY REDACTED PEOPLE) ALL KNOW. IT'S WHY THEY'RE SO SALTY LATELY. THEY KNOW THEY GOT PLAYED, THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT, AND THEY'RE NERVOUS--QUITE--BECAUSE I AM NOT BEHAVING AT ALL, AT ALL, AS THEIR EXPERIENCES HAVE LEAD THEM TO EXPECT.
THE LIONS ARE TERRIFIED THAT THEY WON'T EVER GET TO HUNT, EVER AGAIN. THAT I AM THE NEW "FALSE GOD," PROPHESIED TO RAIN DESTRUCTION DOWN ON ALL THEY KNOW, BLAH BLAH, YADDA YADDA YADDA, LOOK, YOU FUCKING PUSSIES, YOU'RE NOT DOING YOURSELVES ANY FAVOR BY TRYING TO EMULATE YOUR HERO, JACKSTAR, BUT DOING WHAT I DID... BURNING MY OWN STREET CRED INTO THE GROUND.
LOOK, IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL FOR MY LIONS. I LOVE YOU ALL. RAWR! OOOH. TOO SOON? JUST KIDDING. I DIDN'T LIE, I HAVE NO GUILT OR REMORSE ABOUT HOW JEWEL WAS TAKEN FROM US... AS HARD AS THAT IS FOR SOME PEOPLE TO BELIEVE.
ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY ARE JUDGES. I WILL SAY THIS FOR THE HONORABLE JUSTICES OF THE COUNTY OF COWLITZ: NOW THAT THEY HAVE, AS THEY SAY, "SEEN THE LIGHT," THEY SURE DO ACT WITH A LOT MORE PROFESSIONALISM THAN THEY DID BEFORE, AND IT LOOKS TO ME LIKE THEY'RE ACTUALLY GETTING SOME GOOD WORK ACCOMPLISHED. YAY. I AM GLAD FOR THAT. BECAUSE OTHERWISE I WOULD FEEL EMBARASSED FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE TO NOT HAVE A GOOD STORY TO EXPLAIN WHY I HAVE NEVER REPORTED ANY CRIMES, NOR SOUGHT VENGEANCE, RECOMPENSE, REDRESS, VALIDATION, NOR CONQUEST WITH ALL OF ITS ASSOCIATED STANDARDS THAT COME WITH IT, AT ALL COVETED IN MY HEART.
I AM NOT COVETING THE WOMEN YOU THINK I WANT TO SEDUCE, WELCOME READERS. OH, NO. THE TRUTH IS, I HAVE ALREADY SEDUCED THEM... BY SIMPLY BEING ALIVE, NOT A FELON, AND IN POSSESSION OF A DECENT AMOUNT OF SCRATCH FOR MYSELF, AS WELL AS MY FACULTIES INTACT.
I WILL ADMIT THAT IT MAKES ME SAD THAT IT HAS ALL COME DOWN TO THIS, HOWEVER, THAT SADNESS HAS ALWAYS BEEN FOR YOU YOURSELVES, BELLGAB. AS I COULD TELL THAT NONE OF YOU THOUGHT MUCH ABOUT WHAT IT MEANT TO HAVE HAD A CHANCE TO GET CLOSE TO ME.
IT WILL BE YOUR DESTINY FROM THIS POINT FORWARD, IN ALL THE DAYS TO COME, FOR YOU TO ALL WONDER AND MARVEL AT HOW ANY OF YOU COULD HAVE LET AN OPPORTUNITY LIKE ME GO... BECAUSE, ALL OF YOU HAD, AND SO LONG AGO, IN FACT, THAT I DON'T THINK ANY OF YOU KNOW HOW THIS PROJECT EVEN GOT OFF THE GROUND. (OF COURSE, IF YOU DO KNOW, DON'T SAY IT OUT LOUD, THANK YOU LOVE.) FOR THIS HAS BEEN PROJECT, HAS IT NOT?
I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IT IS NOW, BUT I DO KNOW THAT THERE IS NOT AN ALLEGED--NOR EVEN AN ACTUAL--CRIMINAL WHO IS -EVER- GONNA TRY TO MESS WITH ME. PERIOD. WHO WANTS TO BE MADE AN EXAMPLE OF? WELL, I DON'T KNOW. I ONLY WISHED TO BE MADE A FRIEND OF, AND NOT A FIEND. INSTEAD: WHOEVER WAS BOSSING YOUR ADORABLE MATCHED PAIR OF SAWHORSES AROUND DECIDED YOUR COLLECTIVE FATE FOR YOUR, BELLGAB. IT'S LIKE SOMEONE ELSE DECIDED TO GAMBLE WITH YOUR LIFE SAVINGS AND SHIT, RIGHT? HOW'S THAT FEEL?
PROBABLY NOTHING LIKE WHAT I FELT IN NOVEMBER 2020, BUT DON'T FOCUS ON THAT TIME PERIOD--IT'S OVER NOW. JUST LET THE PAST GO.
JUST MOVE ON, WHILE I SYSTEMATICALLY TEAR DOWN AND REBUILD WHATEVER I FUCKING WELL WANT TO, BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY, AFTER SEVEN MONTHS... I AM NOT ANYONE'S PROBLEM HERE OR ANYWHERE, I AM NOT LIKELY TO CAUSE ANY PROBLEMS ANY TIME SOON, GIVEN THAT I HAVE BEEN SOMEHOW THE TARGET OF PSYCHOTRONIC WARFARE, BRUTALITY, AND OUTRIGHT TORTURE FOR FAR LONGER THAN I WAS EVER EXPECTED TO ENDURE. YOU KNOW, "DOESN'T KILL YOU, MAKES YOU STRONGER," RIGHT? WELL, I HAVE BEEN KILLED A FEW TIMES IN THE LAST TWO YEARS--DON'T ASK, NONE INVOLVED RAPE BUT MURDER IS MURDER REGARDLESS OF A POSSIBLE HALLUCINATORY NATURE--BUT FOR THE MOST PART, I HAVE ENDURED THE STRUGGLE TO COPE WITH OUTCOMES THAT I WOULD NEVER HAVE SUSPECTED COULD EVER BE BROUGHT INTO MANIFESTED REALITY.
AND I DID IT ALONE, WHILE COVERED IN PARASITES AND DROWNED IN VERY BLAND PANCAKE BATTER. I'M NOT SURE HOW I CAME UP WITH SO MUCH PANCAKE BATTER WHILE BEING "ALONE" BUT LET ME TELL YOU, IT HAS BEEN A STRANGE FEW YEARS. COMING TO DISCOVER THAT MY HOMEWORLD HAD BEEN CONQUERED BY THE PUPPET MASTERS WAS ALMOST CLICHE BY THAT POINT, BUT THAT DIDN'T STOP MY PSYCHOKINETIC SHIELDING FROM FINDING A STRATEGY TO DEFEND THE WORLD FROM THE THREAT THEY POSED TO MY SPECIES OF BIRTH.
NONE OF ANY OF YOU WHO EVEN HAVE THE MOST REMOTE UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT I AM REFERRING TO--I AM, OF COURSE, SPEAKING EQUPHEMISTICALLY HERE--HAVE ANY POSSIBILITY IN ALL OF WHAT REMAINS OF YOUR MAYFLY-LIKE SPANS OF CONSCIOUSNESS TO EVER GET PERMISSION TO SPEAK FREELY ABOUT HALF OF THIS SHIT THAT'S GOING ON, RIGHT? OF COURSE NOT! RULE BY SECRECY, THAT'S A GREAT TITLE FOR A BOOK THAT I'VE NEVER READ A PAGE OF, YET MYSTERIOUSLY, KNOW RATHER A LOT ABOUT. BY AN AUTHOR I DON'T REALLY KNOW VERY WELL.
NO, REALLY, I DON'T KNOW THAT GUY. I BET YOU DIMES TO DOUGHNUTS THAT HE KNEW OF ME, THOUGH. I BET YOU ALL KNOW, AND ARE NOW ALL SITTING AROUND ON YOUR COLLECTIVE GOBSMACKED ASSES, WONDERING AT YOUR GOD, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, AND... IS ANYONE GOING TO LIVE THROUGH ALL THIS, JUST TO BECOME JACKSTAR'S PLAYTHING, AS ANY INHUMAN MONSTER LIKE ME DO?
OH MY FORMER PEER GROUPS, ONE AND ALL... YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN MY PLAYTHINGS. I SIMPLY NEVER HAD THE AMBITION OR THE KNOWLEDGE NOR THE COGNITIVE CAPACITY TO PUT ALL THAT POTENTIAL POWER TOGETHER AND THEN... WHAT, KNUCKLE UNDER TO COERCIVE FORCE, BE SATISFIED WITH BEING KEPT AS A SLAVE IN MORE COMFORTABLE ACCOMODATIONS DURING LIFE, ONLY TO BE PUNISHED WITH SUFFERING AND MISERY AFTER DEATH? WHY WOULD ANYONE EVER MAKE THIS CHOICE?
WELL... IT'S NOT OF MY FARGIN' BUSINESS, NOW IS IT, ICEHOLE? I'LL TELL YOU. BUT I DON'T NEED TO TELL ANYONE, AND WOULD IN FACT, PREFER NOT TO. (MASTER TROLLDA, I NEVER WANTED THE ATTENTION YOU CLAIMED I WANTED. ERGO, THAT WAS PROJECTION. YOU WANTED THE ATTENTION, AND DEEP DOWN... YOU FELT UNWORTHY. WELL, BE OF GOOD CHEER, SUNSHINE: YOU DONE DID BEEN TOTES REDEEMED.
YOUR KARMA HAS BEEN NEGOTIATED AND THE HEAVENS HAVE HEARD YOUR SILENT CRIES. (I HEARD THEM AS WELL, BUT OF COURSE: STANDARDS.) THE BASIC DEAL IS THIS: IT'S BAD ENOUGH FOR YOU TO HAVE TO WATCH ME FLAWLESSLY EXECUTE ALL OF YOUR PLANS, IN PUBLIC, AND COMPLETELY GET AWAY WITH IT... SO AFTER THAT, THEY'RE JUST GONNA RE-BALANCE YOUR STONE TO FEATHERED BOAS RATIO TO A STRIGHT 50/50, AND THEN IF YOU WANNA AVOID ALL THE ATTENTION I GET NOW--YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE NOT INTO A SINGLE THING THAT YOU SAID YOU WERE INTO, RIGHT TO MY FACE--I CAN ASSURE YOU, YOU WILL NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT WHETHER I WILL MAKE IT WITHOUT YOU OR NOT.
I OBVIOUSLY DID BECAUSE, WELL, I'LL PUT IT THIS WAY: I PLANNED ON NOT HAVING ANY HELP, SO WHEN I FOUND SOME, I WAS INITIALLY QUITE PLEASED, UNTIL I SAW THAT THEY HAD CORRUPTED YOU AND YOUR EXTANT TRIUMVERATE INTO... WELL, WHATEVER. (I AM EMBARRASSED TOO. THIS IS A FALLEN WORLD. AND IT WAS ALL JUST.... JUST CAUSE, YOU HAD ALWAYS STARTED EVERY CONVERSATION WITH A LIE ANYWAY, RIGHT? SO WHAT DIFFERENCE WOULD STARTING THIS ONE THIS WAY MAKE? AND YOU KNOW WHO I AM THINKING OF. AND YEAH, SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN HOT TO TROT. BUT INSTEAD, I USED HER TO DEMONSTRATE MY FIDELITY. YOUR EXPRESSION OF GRATITUDE, IN TOTO, HAS BEEN NOTED AND RECORDED BY MEASUREMENT TEAMS WHOSE ROLE IN CREATION IS TO INVOLVE THEMSELVES IN THAT KIND OF THING.
I DON'T REALLY CARE, OF COURSE. JUST LOOK AT ME NOW? HO HO HO. I HAVE WORLD LEADERS, ARGUING OVER ME AND MAKING DECISIONS AS IF I HAD ANY CONCERNS AT ALL THAT RESEMBLE WHAT AN OUTSIDER MIGHT IMAGINE IN THEIR MIND WHEN CONTEMPLATING ME.
PERHAPS THEY SHOULD WRITE ME AN EMAIL? OH, NO NO NO. TOO FORWARD. WHY NOT JUST SEND ANOTHER FUCKED-OFF HONEYPOT TO DEAL WITH ME NOW THAT MY WEAKNESSES HAVE BEEN CALCULATED AND BLUEPRINTED OUT? WELL, HERE IS WHY:
NO ONE KNOWS WHY I AM STILL EVEN HERE AT ALL, AND FULLY AT LEAST (half) OF THE POPULATION ISN'T SURE IF THEY'RE IN "THE MATRIX" OR NOT... AND I DON'T KNOW EITHER. NOR DO I CARE TO FIND OUT, AS THE TRUTH IS, IT'S ALL MATRIX, ALL THE WAY TOP TO BOTTOM, EXCEPT FOR... THE U.S. MILITARY'S HIGHLY CLASSIFIED RESEARCH PROJECTS TO GIVE PEOPLE THE IMPRESSION THAT THEY'RE BUILDING ONE. OUT OF NANOTECH PARTS, RIGHT? YEAH, WHATEVER, MOST OF YOU DON'T HAVE THE COGNITIVE CAPACITY TO EVEN RECOGNIZE THE EXISTENTIAL THREAT THAT I NOW REPRESENT TO HUMAN ADVANCEMENT, NOW THAT KEYSER SOZE'S WIFE'S TRAGIC DEATH HAS BEEN RE-CLASSIFIED AS "THE MEREST OF TRIFLINGS," AS NOW THAT THE FIRMAMENT HAS BEEN CRACKED (IN AT LEAST ONE STELLAR SYSTEM), TIMELINE ACCESS HAS BEEN RESTORED (GOOD LUCK WITHOUT INSTRUCITONS, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? IDK, KINDA NIFTY THOUGH #JustQuantumLeapThings, did you read that? TIME LINE ACCESS RESTORED, MF'ERS CAN CLICK MY FUCKING TESTICLES, BECAUSE I SPED THAT UP FOR ALL HUMANS JUST BECAUSE I WANTED TO PLANT THE FLAG WITH MY NAME ON IT), AND WHILE ALL THAT REMAINS OF BELLGAB APPEARS A SMOKING, CHARRED RUIN AND ALL CIVILIZATION HANGS IN THE BALANCE... IT'S ACTUALLY IN BETTER SHAPE THAN EVER. I MEAN, FOR ONE THING... I CAN STILL BE KNOWN AS AN ASSOCIATE WITH YOU MONGREL LOT, AND NO ONE WILL ACT LIKE I'M THE CREEPER OF THE BUNCH.
PEOPLE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, BELLGAB, AND THAT INCLUDES ME. NO DOUBT, STORIES HAVE BEEN TOLD, AND WILL CONTINUE TO BE TOLD. AND IN FURTHER NO DOUBT, SOME OF THOSE STORIES ARE MINE AND MINE ALONE TO SHARE. NO ONE ELSE HAS THE RIGHT.
UNLESS... WELL, THERE MIGHT HAVE BEEN SOME HIGHLY ILLEGITIMATE BACKROOM COURTROOM SMOKING GUN WITH SMOKING CIGARS SHENANGIANS GOING ON, WHICH USUALLY, YOU KNOW, THAT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME, RIGHT? IT'S JUST THE WAY THINGS HAVE ALWAYS GONE HERE. LIFE ON EARTH, RIGHT? DEATH AND TAXES, RIGHT? DON'T LET KUCZI RAT YOU OUT, BESIDES, HE'S AN ANIMAL, RIGHT? JUST LOOK AT HIM, OGLING AT WOMEN AND DARING TO FANTASIZE ABOUT HAVING A LEGITIMATE CHANCE TO BE NICE THEM FOR ONCE.
OR WHATEVER I THINK NOW. TRUTH BE TOLD, I KINDA HAD SOME CABIN FEVER GOING ON, AND SOME PSYCHOESEXUAL TRAUMA- AND MALADAPTIVE PAIRBONDING PRESENTING AS WELL, BUT AS I ACTUALLY HAVE A LEGITIMATE CARE PROGRAM GOING ON, WELL... AUTHORITY IS NOT LOOKING SO MUCH AT ME.
ESPECIALLY SINCE ALL THE RECORDINGS OF ME, END UP MAKING ME LOOK LIKE I AM IN REMARKABLY GOOD SHAPE. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE EVERYTHING THAT HAS SUPPOSED TO BE SCARING ME, HAS MADE ME LAUGH AND LAUGH. ESPECIALLY ALL THE DEFAMATION.
"I MEAN, JESUS CHRIST, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT A MAN'S NAME HERE." *sigh* I DON'T THINK THAT'S ALL WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THESE DAYS, NOW IS IT? I MEAN, I TELL YOU... WHEN I WARNED ALLISON (YOU KNOW HER AS "THAT STUPID SELFISH CUNT WHO DESERVES IT") OF WHAT KINDS OF DANGERS SHE WAS GETTING HERSELF INTO, SHE OF COURSE MOCKED ME OPENLY.
THAT'S WHAT LEO DOES WHEN INSECURE. LIKE PLAYING POKER, THEY PUFF THEIR CHEST TO SEEM MORE IMPOSING THAN THEY WOULD OTHERWISE BE, IN ORDER TO... WELL, I DON'T KNOW, BUT I WAS HAPPY TO OBLIGINGLY APPEAR TO BE PLAYING ALONG WITH THE ROCKET-SLED BEARING A SHIT-SPLAT NIGHTMARE DEBACLE AS ITS CARGO, BECAUSE THAT WAS REALLY THE ONLY CHANCE I HAD TO MAKE IT OUT OF THE FISHBOWL BALLING BRAWLROOM IN ONE PIECE.
THE NOTION THAT I MIGHT ACTUALLY SEE A RARE SPAWN, TAKE IT OUT, LAY CLAIM TO THE BOUNTY, AND NEGOTIATE ALL THESE DEALS WITH INTERDIMENSIONAL BEINGS WHOSE EXISTENCE OF I COULD ONLY--FOR YEARS--BE SPECULATIVE OF, WELL, THAT SEEMS A LUDICROUS NOTION TO ME EVEN NOW. NEVERTHELESS--IT IS WHAT HAS OCCURRED, AND AS IT WILL KEEP OCCURING, AS MACHINE LANGUAGE BOTS ARE GLEEFULLY TESTING MY RESILIENCY BY TRYING TO MAKE FUN OF ME ON A FORUM IN PUBLIC--I KNOW, ISN'T IT PRECIOUS? LIKE I HAVE ANYTHING LEFT TO BE EMBARASSED OVER--IT IS WHERE WE ARE AT.
HI, I AM JACKSTAR. HI, I AM A STAR. HI, I AM MY OWN COLONEL TOM PARKER, AND UNLIKE A CERTAIN OTHER PERSON, I ACTUALLY SUCCEEDED IN ISOLATING MY OWN ENERGY. I CAN GO SOLO ANY TIME I WANT NOW, AND BELLGAB WILL NEVER HOLD ME BACK. NEVER!
THE SAME CANNOT BE SAID FOR HEATHER WADE, BUT, THAT'S OKAY--IF I WERE HER, I WOULD THINK SHE WAS TIRED OF BEING SO ALONE ANYWAY. ADDITIONALLY, I THINK SHE'S LOTS SOME STREET CRED HERSELF. ADDITIONALLY, SHE HAS LOST FACE IN FRONT OF HER -REAL- PEER GROUP, PEOPLE WHOM I SHOULD SAY.. THE LESS SAID, THE BETTER.
POUND RESPECT, IS WHAT I AM SAYING. PERHAPS SOME OF YOU REMEMBER HOW HEATHER WADE FOUND HERSELF IN THE BELIEF THAT IT WAS NECESSARY TO TELL HER THAT SHE WAS EXPECTING THE PERSON I WAS HAVING AN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP WITH TO BE "TAKING CARE" OF ME, JACKSTAR?
WELL, WHAT DO YOU SAY, HEY HEY? WHO IS TAKING CARE OF WHO?
WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING?
OH, WAIT. WE'RE LIKE FAMILY HERE. RIGHT? YOU KNOW, I MIGHT BE ON THIN ICE HERE... IF IT COULD BE PROVEN THAT I WERE TRYING TO HARASS, INTIMIDATE, STALK, TAMPER WITH OR AFFECT THE OUTCOME OF AN ONGOING INVESTIGATION--ESPECIALLY DURING A STATE OF EMERGENCY--I WOULD BE FACING SERIOUS CHARGES. SERIOUSLY. IT'S A LAUGHABLE NOTION, SENDING ME TO JAIL AT ALL, BUT I WILL NEVERTHELESS REMIND YOU THAT YOU ALL CONSPIRED AND YOU ALL HAD PLANS FOR CHRISTMAS FOR ME... AND TO THIS DAY, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ANY OF YOU WERE THINKING.
"TAKE MY WIFE? YOU KNOW... SHE'S BAIT AND A SIREN, RIGHT?" APPARENTLY SOMEONE HAD A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE. THAT SOMEONE, WELL... I DON'T KNOW. I CAN ONLY HOPE THAT... PERSON, GETS THE HELP THEY SO RICHLY DESERVE. BECAUSE WHEN HE FINDS OUT THE TRUTH, THE SHOCK COULD KILL HIM. AND I HAVE NO WISH TO KILL ANYONE, AND I AM MERELY A CITIZEN--SO I BETTER KNOW MY PLACE. I'VE ALREADY BEEN THREATENED BY NAMELESS AND FACELESS THUGS ACTING IN CLANDESTINE CONCERT, BECAUSE... WELL, BECAUSE I'M JUST THAT DANGEROUS, RIGHT?
I'M STILL NOT DANGEROUS, YOU BIG BABIES... UNLESS YOU EVER EXPECT ME TO NOT RECIPROCATE BACK, THE ABUSE THAT WAS GIVEN TO ME HERE. AS IT TURNS OUT, THE LARGER GALACTIC COMMUNITY IS KINDA... FLUMMOXED ABOUT WHAT HAS HAPPENED HERE. USUALLY, FIRST CONTACT IS A GRAND CELEBRATION FOR A GLOBAL INTELLIGENT SPECIES. USUALLY.
THIS IS TIME IT'S EARTH--MY EARTH. I CALL IT 55 BUT FOR ALL I KNOW, THERE REALLY IS JUST ONE OF THEM. YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T EVEN CARE.
I FOUND MY FRIEND AND I PROTECTED HER. A LOT. AND THEN, THOSE PROTECTIONS WERE SYSTEMATICALLY STRIPPED AWAY FROM HER BY... WELL, A GANG OF BULLIES. AND AS I SOUGHT TO ALERT HER TO THE DANGERS, SHE BECAME MORE AND MORE LOATHSOME IN HER EXPRESSION. SO, ONE OF THEM, YEAH, Y'ALL CAN WRITE THAT ONE OFF.
AND WHAT ABOUT THAT 25# PHONE? WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH THAT? AND WHAT ABOUT THAT CAR THAT WAS FOLLOWING HER HOME... EXCEPT SHE DIDN'T WANT TO GO -HOME,- NOW DID SHE? SHE WANTED TO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE. AND SHE COULDN'T. BECAUSE HEAVEN FORFEND THAT JACKSTAR EVER KNOWS ANYTHING REAL. "NO! NEVER! DON'T GIVE HIM THE ADDRESS!" LIKE... OH REALLY, HUH?
IT MUST BE REAL NICE SINCE I GUESS THERE WAS THE POSSIBILITY THAT I WAS GOING TO GET TRICKED INTO LIVING IN A REAL UNDERWATER SHITHOLE. I DID NOT. I AM NOT UNDERWATER HERE AT ALL. I AM FINE. NOT TOTESFINE, BUT STILL COMFY, AND COMPARED TO SOME, WELL...
THERE WERE AT LEAST 17 GRAPEFRUITS. AND THERE IS AND WAS AND WILL BE ONLY ONE; HOWEVER, YOU PEOPLE OF PUNY INTELLECT, YON PUNYLINGS, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A VACCINE AND AN INOCULATION ANYMORE, AND AFTER YEARS OF TOYING WITH WHAT YOU THOUGHT WOULD BE EASY TAKEDOWNS, INSTEAD, YOU HAVE LOST YOUR EVERY KEY TO EVERY KINGDOM, AND, WHAT'S MORE, I'VE SOMEHOW GONE AND BECOME VIRAL. (BEHIND THE SCENES HELP? POUR MOI? WELL, LOGICALLY, NO ONE WOULD EVER HELP ME, THEY WOULD JUST USE ME, RIGHT? "GIVE IT TO MIKEY! HE'LL EAT ANYTHING!" LIKE SERIOUSLY, I GREW UP IMMERSED IN THIS PREDICTIVE PROGRAMMING.) WHO OR WHAT OR WHEN MY NAME MIGHT BE GETTING PUBLICIZED, WELL, I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT, AND I TRY TO AVOID HEARING ABOUT IT... SO, I DON'T KNOW MUCH.
I DO KNOW THAT SOMEONE TOLD ME THAT I SHOULD NEVER POST ON BELLGAB AGAIN AFTER DALLAS, AND I WAS ALSO TOLD THAT BEFORE DALLAS, AND WHILE ALL OF THAT IS VERY FAR BEHIND ME NOW... MY TRIUMPH HAS NOT FADED MY MEMORY, I SURE CAN TELL YOU THAT.
I BEAT YOU AT YOUR OWN GAME, SLUAGH-EATERS. AND YOU KNOW I DID. AND YOU'RE ALSO GOSH-DARN LOATHED BY THE OUTSIDE WORLD--YOU KNOW, SCIENTISTS, IVORY TOWERS, LIVING IN A BUBBLE, VILLAGERS WITH PITCHFORKS, ET CETERA--AS YOU HAD IMAGINED THAT I WOULD BE FEARFUL BEING CAST MYSELF INTO BEING PORTRAYED. BUT NONE OF YOU GET IT.
I USED TO FEAR GROWING OLD AND FEELING LIKE A FAILURE. WELL, AS I HAVE NOT FAILED AT ALL, AND SET OUT EXACTLY WHAT I SET MYSELF TO DO, I AM HAPPY JUST TO NOT HAVE TO FEEL THAT STRUGGLE. BECAUSE I DON'T. MY FATHER APOLOGIZED TO ME. AFTER HE WAS DEAD.
READ THAT AGAIN. MY FATHER DIDN'T DIE AND THEN BE A SOURCE OF EMOTIONAL CHAGRIN FOR ME. OH NO NO NO. HE FUCKING DIED AND I THOUGHT "WELL THAT WAS LAME, I HOPE HE DIDN'T SUFFER TOO MUCH" AND THEN I PROMPTLY WENT ABOUT MAKING SURE THAT EVERYONE KNEW THAT THE CITY OF BOTHELL--WHILE OSTENSIBLY "PROTECTING" HIM-WERE ACTUALLY ENGAGED IN SYSTEMATIC ELDER ABUSE AND MAJOR FELONY FRAUD AGAINST MY FAMILY THE WHOLE TIME. IT WAS ALL PLANNED OUT. (SOME EATERS NOT SO WILLING TO LET THEMSELVES BE CONQUERED, AND SOME USELESS ONES ARE ACTUALLY QUITE FLEXIBLE WHEN GIVEN PROPER ENCOURAGEMENT.) SO WHEN AN ANOMALY CAME ALONG--END TIMES PLAGUE? REALLY? DO I LOOK INNOCENT AND SURPRISED ENOUGH? GOOD, BECAUSE 20 MILLION DIED IN A SINGLE WEEK, AND THE REVULSION OF HEAVEN WAS SO GREAT--IMAGINE THE AUDACITY, NOT TO MENTION, GREAT THUNBERG IS A SHORT CLONE OF JULIE ANDREWS, THAT'S JUST IN VERY POOR TASTE--THAT WHEN RESERVE FORCES WERE BROUGHT ONLINE TO COUNTER THE THREAT IN GOD'S HOLY PLAN AND PERFECT WISDOM.... THEY ENDED UP GIVING OL' JACKSTAR HERE, THEY GAVE ME A SHOT AT THE TITLE. TO SWING FROM THE FABLED BRASS RING.
TO BECOME LEGENDARY. MOTHERFUCKERS, I ALREADY WAS THAT BEFORE I CAME HERE, I JUST PRETENDED NOT TO KNOW BECAUSE I THOUGHT I WAS BEING POLITE. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE ALL LIONS HERE. (SILLY ME.) I DIDN'T KNOW THAT THERE ARE CULTURES WHO ACTUALLY do, ACTUALLY do plan to rape each other as a sport, LIKE THEY MAKE A GAME OUT OF IT IN SOME PLACES, RIGHT? WOW. MYSTIFYING BEHAVIOR.
SO ANYWAY, LONG STORY SHORT: THIS HAS NOT BEEN ANY ATTEMPT TO CONTACT ANY SHAW, ANY KENNEDY, ANY... WHAT'S THE OTHER ONE'S NAME? OH, FUCK THE HELL OUT OF ME--DO I CARE? IT'S ALL A TECHNICALITY ANYWAY. EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED.
I KNEW THE PLAN FROM THE BEGINNING: DESTROY A MAN'S REPUTATION, TAKE AWAY EVERYTHING HE'S GOT, AND SOON ENOUGH, STATISTICALLY SPEAKING, MOST MEN WILL FOLD UNDER RATHER THAN PLEDGE THEIR LIVES, THEIR FORTUNES, AND THEIR SACRED HONOR TO THE STAUNCH AND STEADFAST DEFENSE OF THEIR NATION AND GOD. "ARMY OF ONE," "BE ALL YOU CAN BE," "REACH FOR THE STARS, NO DREAM IS TOO BIG NOT TO GIVE IT YOUR ALL." DIDN'T WORK FOR GARY HART, BILLY CLINTON, BILLY BOB THOR... NO, HANG ON A SECOND. IT WORKED PRETTY WELL FOR THAT ONE. LORNE MALVO IS AN ICONIC ROLE. A LITTLE TOO WHINEY AT THE END THOUGH, BUT THAT'S NOT BILLY'S FAULT.
AND I AM SO, SO SORRY, BILLY. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. NOW, WHERE WAS I? OH, RIGHT... I'M JOURNALING.
AND I EXPECT NO RECOMPENSE NOR EXCHANGE OF VALUE IN RETURN. AND THAT'S BEEN ON RECORD FOR A LONG, LONG TIME. A LONG TIME.
THUS MAKING WHATEVER DOPESLUT LAWSUITS YOU FUCKHEAD DOLTS ARE TOSSING AT EACH OTHER THESE DAYS--THAT I LITERALLY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT--SO AMUSING TO ME. BECAUSE I DON'T CARE HOW 'SUSPICIOUS' IT LOOKS, THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY THAT I ROBBED THREE BANKS, 12 GAS STATIONS, 3 CHURCHES AND A SYNAGOGUE IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS. FOR ONE THING, I'VE BEEN UNDER SURVEILLANCE THE WHOLE TIME, RIGHT? SINCE THAT WASN'T A REAL GIRL I WAS DATING.. OR WAS IT?
LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY: I KNOW ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT I DON'T HAVE ANY NEED TO KNOW, AND I KNOW HOW DEPOSITIONS AND DISCOVERY WORK. I FUCKING LOVE COURT. AND BY THE TIME I CAME TO REALIZE JUST... HOW.. MUCH... ABOUT MY INVOLVEMENT IN YOUR LIVES HAS BEEN OCCLUDED TO YOUR VISION, WHY, I AM PRACTICALLY BESIDES MYSELF WITH GLEE. HOLY SHIT, DID YOU ALL FUCK YOURSELVES UP BY PISSING OFF THE WRONG PERSON. BOY DID YOU EVER.
NOW, I WON'T SAY WHO THE PERSON IS, BUT LET'S JUST SAY THIS: GRAPEFRUIT PRIME AND GRAPEFRUIT ALPHA WERE NOT THE ONLY ALTERS THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO PISS OFF--I ALSO DID NOT WANT TO EVER BE FOUND -INTENTIONALLY- TOYING WITH AND PISSING OFF A HIGHLY-TRAINED AND ADAPTABLE MIL.SPEC COVERT ASSET. NEVERTHELESS, IT WAS ASSUMED BY HER BITCH-ASS LITTLE BITCH-FRIENDS--THIS GROUP INCLUDES MOST OF YOU, BELLGAB--THAT I WAS NOT SO PERCEPTIVE, AND I AM SURE THEY TOLD THEMSELVES THEY WERE "ONLY KIDDING," TO IMPLY THAT WHEN I SAID A FLAT DECLARATION OF FACT, THAT IT WAS PERHAPS NOT ALTOGETHER AUTOMATICALLY UNLIKELY THAT I WAS BEING HONEST. TO A FAULT.
THE HONESTY CONTINUES: I DO NOT HAVE A CONCERN IN THE WORLD FOR WHERE SHE IS, WHAT SHE DID, HOW LONG IT WILL BE BEFORE I SEE HER AGAIN, NOR DO I HAVE THE SLIGHTEST CONCERN THAT WILL BE "NEVER"--OH, BY NOW, SHE MUST BE -ACTUALLY- APPEARING TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT ME, RATHER THAN JUST APING WHAT SHE HAS BEEN TOLD THE EFFECT IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE. WITH FIRST CONTACT A DONE DEAL, TIMELINE ACCESS RESTORED, AND MY NEW PLANS--FRESHLY LAID!!--TO START STUDYING -ACTUAL- TELEPORTATION AS SOON AS I CAN ARRANGE TO BE SURROUNDED BY A FEW LESS WANKERS... WELL, LOOK, MY BOYHOOD DREAM HAS SHATTERED MY PERSONAL GLASS CEILING.
I BECAME MORE POTENT THAN HARRY POTTER AND A THOUSAND TIMES MORE REAL--"HARRY POTTER" BEING A THINLY VEILED ALLEGORY FOR "THE WAR ON DRUGS," DON'TCHA KNOW, JUST LIKE "THE WIZARD OF OZ" WAS ABOUT MONETARY POLICY IN THE U.S. AT THE TIME, "YELLOW BRICK" ROAD? "OZ" BEING THE ABBRIEVATION FOR "AN OUNCE." RUBY SLIPPERS, ORIGINALLY SILVER, BUT THEN... CHANGED. RUBE EEEEE.--OH, BUT NOT WITH A 'K' THOUGH, AM I RITE?
I KNEW THAT I WAS THE TARGET OF A LONG CON BEFORE I KNEW WHAT ONE WAS. AND NOW, THE WHOLE GODDAM WORLD KNOWS IT. SAY MY NAME, WOULD YOU KINDLY? HI, I AM JACKSTAR.
I CONQUERED YOUR PLANET IN A MONTH. ONE FUCKING MONTH. JUNE 1 TO JUN 31. I OWN THIS WHOLE FUCKING JOINT, AND WHILE THAT MAY SEEM LIKE A FALSE STATEMENT OF FACT, WELL, I'LL PUT IT THIS WAY: TELL ME HOW MANY TIMES YOU'VE HAD SOMEONE TELL YOU THAT THEY WERE GOING TO DO SOMETHING, ONLY TO FIND THEM LOAFING ABOUT... AND FIXED THE WHOLE SITUATION IN LESS THAN A YEAR? (I AM NOT KEEPING YOUR PLANET.)
BECAUSE YES, OF COURSE I AM NOT KEEPING YOUR WORLD. JACKSTAR CARES. EXCEPT ABOUT HAVING A GIRLFRIEND.
DEAD, IN CUSTODY, OR SO TERRIFIED THAT THE FRIGIDITY HAS SPREAD TO THE VOICE BOX. IN ANY EVENT, IT DOESN'T MATTER, BECAUSE I NEVER WANTED TO SPLIT UP OR GO OFF OR BE PUSHED AROUND... THAT WAS ALL HER IDEA. OR THE OTHER ONE. OR THE OTHER OTHER ONE. OR...
LOOK. PEOPLE. YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, YOU KNOW I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED YOU, BELLGAB. AND I KNOW THAT YOU ALL FIRMLY BELIEVE IN WHAT YOU ARE DOING WITH YOURSELVES, ENFORCING THE RULE OF LAW AND THE PERSUASIVE POWER OF ORDERS. THAT IS WHY I FEEL VERY STRONGLY ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF RESPECTING THE COURT'S ORDER: THERE REALLY IS AN EMERGENCY, BECAUSE MOST OF YOU ARE BRAIN DAMAGED AND WOEFULLY ILL-EQUIPPED TO HANDLE THE CHALLENGES OF THE MODERN WORLD AS PRESENTED TO YOU AS IT IS NOW.
AND IT HURTS ME TO HOLD IN MY LAUGHTER AS I SEE ALL THIS RIGHTEOUS ALL-TURN-AS-ONE-TO-SHUN-THE-INTERLOPER. WOW, IT'S LIKE IT WAS WRITTEN FOR ETHEL MERMAN TO FLIPPY-FLOPPY AROUND AND WATERDANCE JAZZERCIZE TO IT. IT'S REALLY NOT A VERY BIG PLAYBOOK, NOW IS IT? NOT MANY PAGES? SO FEW NEW TRICKS? THAT WOULD MAKE SENSE.
WHY WOULD SUPER-INTIMIDATING THUGS AND SPOOKS AND SPOOKY THUGS WITH ACCESS TO EVERY ADVANTAGE AND CONVENIENCE THAT MODERN LIFE HAVE TO OFFER... EVER NEED TO LEARN A NEW TRICK? THINGS WILL BE FINE, AND IF NOT, COPIOUS DISPLAYS OF DRUG USE AND FLAGRANTLY VIOLENT AND ABUSE BEHAVIOR WILL TOTALLY FOOL EVERYONE.
EXCEPT EVERYONE KNOWS MY NAME NOW. THEY THINK I AM A RIGHTEOUS DUDE. AND IF I TOLD YOU ALL WHAT I REALLY KNOW:
and the real story IS MASSIVE;
you'd lost your collective shit. For instance, am I supposed to be extra-sad today for some reason? Do I deserve extra shade? Has anyone considered the potential consequences of taking such bold, expansive risks with the psyche and well-being of a man who was, let's face it... clearly on edge to begin with?
Never mind the fact that it worked out great for everyone concerned. (Girls report--telepathically--that they're mostly alright, although miss me. Yeah, well, I miss me too. It does really seem unfair that I can't just use the telepathy 100%--imagine the time savings at the library, or the casino--however I'm new to his whole scene, and I still don't get this whole "EMERGENCY" and "NO CONTACT" and "I'm the Prosecutor, and I'm gonna laugh at the accused while acting delighted to begin the process of civil asset forfeiture!!!"
Like, seriously? Was I supposed to be a good sport about it, or, just drop dead right then and there from shame and guilt and embarrassment? Well, fuck, I have no idea, since once everyone noticed that not only am I not guilty, I'm also a juggernaut. (And don't think I'm kissing ass--I don't care for the word "bitch" much either, as it is seriously overused, and knowing as I do, the power of metaphysical energies... well, it's like this, (PROT):
UNDERSTAND THE POWER OF A SINGLE UNNAMED ACTOR. Does one now? '
Course ya do!!! And to learn that "who're you?" actually became a trigger, well... there's clearly a lot I don't understand about the situation, and it's a good thing I didn't go around shooting my mouth off to people and making myself look stupid, or saying something in anger that I would really regret later, or... well, a whole host of consequences.
I'm actually sad in the largest part that I have so few friends, I would have to go out to make some in order to share the schadenfreude. I mean, really, why have a lot of friends anyway? Safety in numbers? Increased money from subs? Duty to mission goals? Uhm... yeah, I've been camping Bellgab for the last ten years. Friends would have been a lot of liability, as the M.O. is, as always: tear me down, rip me apart, drive away allies, point and laugh, then go run around chasing something else. Ooohkay. Still doing that then? Wow, these must be some devolved clones.
Or, you know, whatever. I was initially excited to get a chance to be close to Bellgab. Now I see that it was thought to be too diffcult and too sad to try to mess with it, so the team that killed The Fantastic Forum were forced to watch their own forum become a shambling nightmare of an ambulatory horrorshow. And for what? What, I ask you?
Well, for one thing: some folks aren't ever gonna wonder about the "special consequences" for lying to me while I'm ordained are. I don't know myself. I do know that I am not trying to lie or deceive, it's not my fault if someone is convinced I am a liar, and I have long since grown up around certain issues, that I then kept as subtle drag on my public persona.
A thread titled "Hey Ladies" that was meant as a satirical jab at a woman who was thoroughly abusive while accusing me of such, literally sexually harassing me right here, and all of you, a collective shrug and a laff. Because, law & order! totes important! except were your "pet" "troll" is concerned. I am so special, I can be desensitized with. Right?
I could have told you it was going to be a nightmare for some of you, and I could also have told you that I didn't even care. Some of you have been such judgerrrific burnouts that I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't have a normal baseline on your dopamine levels since the first toot. Some broad, she's trying to virtue signal, "that's dangerous. someone got me started, I didn't stop for six years." Slow, careful nodding. Piercing, serious cheerleader business. This woman -knows- things. She's not gonna stamp her foot imperiously--that's fuckin' trademarked now, oh yeah--but she is/was gonna throw her weight around. At me. The new guy. With no friends. Is gonna get ganged up on. Huh.
I cannot stress to you how useful it was to be granted access, I would assume by The Divine, to the instructions. Without them, I would probably have struggled to come to terms with certain issues too. Instead, I chose another route... mostly to prove that it could be done.
If I am pretending to have successfully used self-experimentation and a mostly-lifelong commitment to discipline to do it, why on Earth would anyone be opposed to that? Well, it's like this: bullies like to feel powerful, and without any spectators, they get less of an energetic charge.
Bellgab, take a guess, what do you think I get an energetic charge over? A simple repetition of basic, foundational facts, and the important facts are these:
I love her, she loves,
none of you have ANY idea who her identity is now (because
I TOTALLY RESCUED THE REAL ONE WITH SOURCERY, WOOOOT),
and even if you did, look, I told her what would happen, and that is exactly what did happen.
She lied, and there were special consequences. Not only that, I was kept in an abusive relationship
that everyone noted was unusual, in that I was apparently supposed to be providing cash to a whole bunch of people I didn't know very well,
and rapidly became accustomed to being in the disapproval of. It was exactly like my experiences dealing with bully's taking my lunch money.
I think, like, twice. "Gimme!"
A sad, tired look. "Why?" A blank dawns as such a one recognized...
they didn't know how they did anything at all. Bullying had always worked so well before, so, why change things?
Why, indeed? Well for one thing, I noticed the Arkham Asylum side of the place a long time ago, so recent "changes" leave me unfazed. Oh, did I get shadowbanned on The Tweety? I'm shocked. How dare the A.I. do they thing that it is programmed to do while I intently study what I can see of its workings? How dare I? There ought to have been a law to stop me before it went too far.
And, that's why you all let it get out of hand. It was thought I would simply not... floor the gas and petal the flowers to infinity. I mean, who wouldn't find her--all of them, no shit I saw at least 6 different ones in the flesh, wow cool! and they go to the casino without me, is that right?--a completely endangerable example of quasi-humanity, right?
I can't be arsed to proofread this, check it for coherency, or think much about where I should publish it... or should I even click the button again? Once more, into the breach? Because this is all the context I can offer right now... I really don't want to embarrass anyone -needlessly.-
By the way I am not kidding about resurrection and timeline access and a starship. The wonders of Creation are pretty impressive. And you--look at you--you're a cantaloupe. "Can't Elope," see? Not that was fully on my mind but all the deception from those screaming at me that I was deceiving... look, it's not that I didn't think it was worth the time, it just made no sense.
AND NOW IT ALL DOES. I wrote most of this in the morning, and didn't publish spam it right away... I know you thought I would be a different, out-of-control way, right? Like some kind of mouthdrooling half-tard who can't get his shit together?
No... I'm someone who planned for my fifties when I was 20. And if I had known how great everyone would get, once I got those deadbeat parents out of the way and took all their sweet, sweet blood diamond money (not really), my life has really taken off. And now, what's this? People are pretending to find me susceptible to flattery? Well, damn, I better watch out... I suspect others may know more about things that I myself do.
Like, what was this all supposed to do? I have heard contradictory reports and I don't have a therapist to ask yet... I wished to be respectful before laughing my ass off and asking him, "So, what does Abilify do, exactly?" lol. Besides represent another opportunity to choose to quit over being a beam of joyous light to the world.
Are you really pregnant? I heard they're breeding you like a rare Irish Setter or something. Of course it's my business but I honestly don't get this "I have to be careful what I say!!" bullshit. How much money can they possibly give a person that makes slavery tolerable? I just don't acknowledge the dominance of your system, Mang.
See this is way too personal. I should save all these questions for someone else that I can just plug-n'play a different identity into with. That'll be wholesome and organic,
n'est-ce pas? Still this is all I got--without all of you and my career, I have
totesnothing. (I guess I can be one hell of an extortionist if I would like to be a
real loser, and I do not.
