Daridee

[Robert Mugabe]

Is this going to end in another of those school shootings that you're all so fond of over there?

[K_Dubb]

Is this going to end in another of those school shootings that you're all so fond of over there?

Probably when Jacky's current manic phase inevitably crashes is my guess, I suppose if I were a psychiatric patient stuck in home detention with an ankle bracelet for a couple months I'd eff up my meds just for the hell of it, what is he supposed to do, watch the stupid Platinum Card Hologram Jubilee brought to you by Sainsbury's over and over?

[Jackstar]

Probably when Jacky's current manic phase

Brother, I can hardly wait. Head down, horns up, Feds lining up to throw themselves in the oven. It's like a Holocaust parade in reverse. Meanwhile people seem surprised that I'm fully indifferent to my q-wife’s shenanigans; for one thing, I call her a quasi-wife, a girlfriend, and a fucking whore COMPLETELY INTERCHANGEABLY and all the damn lawyers lose their damn minds, right out of the gate. “don't you mean... common law?” no, I don't, fuck you Suit; Tribal Authority, go fish—they can't fucking fish, they got to drain the pond, and that shit's on a schedule. Meanwhile I've been waiting 3 years just to get the part where I can sit on my ass and wait just to watch him scurry coz like, I'm not much of a fucker that I'm willing to fucking look at the goddamn lawyers with their fucking million dollar shit and fucking give the finger and tell them to come back tomorrow... and they can't even get to me because they don't want my money, they want The Trust money, and they can't get to The Trust money because it's literally nothing to do with her married or not! And since I'm willing—toteswilling—to sit on my ass and not spend a single fuckin’ dime, there's no money in, there's no money out, so nobody gov’t can justify sitting around waiting for me, and no fucking bounty hunter without a really legitimate claim to something is going to sit around waiting for a trapdoor spider by cussing up to an already rambunctious trim board spider family, and sitting up shop and waiting out for who knows could be a year could be 12 years yeah pack it up and move on in buddy I'll let you sit on my lap and tell you a story about how it was last year. No one is touching the situation with the fucking anything, except for like maybe two or three people and I like all of them. Kid's father? No he fucking hates me!! But I fucking love that kid, so how's he going to argue with that, the friend of mine child is my Ally when it comes down to knives out, and the last time knives came out I fucking buried in the yard and a fucking thunder cell came and blew out the sky. I haven't seen her in 7 months and I talked to her it with telepathy everyday and the fucking Court can't even know if that's a true statement or not. (Telepathic Bond established before the no contact order, verifiably, so they can't complain that I made contact cuz she's making contact with me and I just answer back. That's legitimate! That's how these fucking things are set up in the first place! That's why her dad moved me into the tribe after like 4 months! Secret ceremony! Nothing on paper motherfucker! Oh does that sound unusual? Well you bet your fucking sweet goddamn Georgia coal mining ass it is, and was really unusual is it a Hungarian came to town, and showed an Austrian how it's done. Oh is there a child support case? Jesus, we're talking about indians, of course there's a child support case! Like that was going to be a surprise. Like there are shenanigans there too. You don't fucking say. Pull up a chair, stay awhile and listen: I FUCKING HATE LAWYERS. I didn't set all this up since they would fucking hang themselves one by one as they fuckin’ walked off a cliff like well-dressed lemmings but... hey Mom heaven or hell fucking look what I did! ("Ooohh! Good job sweetie! Is it time for me to be a poltergeist yet?“ No, Mom, hang on, I'm still showing off.) An added wrinkle colon my mommy's lawyer managed to buy me an actuak haunted house to live on on actual Indian consecrated ground... And I asked permission, and it all has to be done for my benefit just as much as it is for the child cuz I'm a special needs retard too. And not only are we all special around here I'm the most special one of the bunts cuz I saw every fucking movie that's coming from before I even kissed her I was thinking in the car on the drive over, how it is going to be in 5 years. And it's better than the biggest shit show I could have ever dreamed of, which I've already unleash my mommy's lawyer into dreaming of 4 years ago when I sent to the email that said hey there's something funny with this lady vag, badge/no_badge? Fuck man, I don't even I don't know if I have a goddam badge or not. They literally offered me a usss internship just cuz they wanted me to feel better. And believe it's hard to feel better than as a Hungarian Navy war vet (sure I am, why don't you fucking declare war and find out how veteran I am, fucking go for it I want to see what a berserker mode looks like now, FLEX), even if there wasn't enough money to fucking get out of me which there isn't, even if I owed any money which I don't, they're only using that as a pretext, cuz they're trying to leverage their camels nose under the merchant's tent... and it's not a fucking merchants tent, it's not a laundry tent, fuck no I'm not laundering any money but that sounds like a great idea I want to sit down and show me how the fuck that shit is done, oh wait, come away, why are you running away? It's just another camel stable, directed by Toby Hooper with one particular horse face camo that looks like Steven Spielberg's daughter.
. (It's his actual daughter, don't make fun of her face or we'll fucking kill you. Shit no we ain't kidding we're actually fucking Indians motherfucker. BOOM.) I got these Feds so fucking crawled up their own asses that they're looking for their own goddamn tonsils and gonads at the fucking crown of the Statue of Liberty. Initial headhunters and sharks who thought they were kinda gonna come in and get a sweet snack and become a meshed in a sea of dolphin safe tuna with nets with little laser beams on them that target and destroy any shark that comes near it. They don't want to have to spend time on that. Well too bad the Constitution says they have to. (A little-known rule about trust the state law, if somebody comes in and does a lot of work for 3 years after the timer expires they have to leave the case and go away and not be in on the sweet sweet pay off money, that has to happen just by luck, which is a fact I've heard during the meeting my mother had with her lawyer and filed away in my head for future safekeeping. So the only people sitting around waiting for this situation to blink are OTHER CRAZY INDIANS THAT I ALSO LOVE! It's literally the end of Thunderheart at the end of the line 5 years from now, and I think that's where my father's guns are planted at the end of the box canyon right well I'll need them, thanks Dad, yeah he's a fucking ghost Pisces too, oh imagine that are things working out? *strokes chin* also Kuczi is a baphomet-fucking TRIPARTITE CAPRICORN DOUBLE TAURUS DOUBLE OX VIRGO ASCENDANT, and what that means is that I can basically sacrifice my own virginal self to Satan every night and resurrect myself every morning as another virgin ready to go again for a fucking afternoon matinee. LITERALLY ANY GOD DAMN DAY OF THE WEEK ON ANY FUCKING PLANET YOU TAKE ME TO. (Yeah, at that point I should take a bow but give me a minute I'm on a roll) Meanwhile I got a house I don't need—I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them, so yeah I'll sit and wait or I'll tell My Mommy's Lawyers to sell it, oh boy and are they ever in a big hurry to do that again, yeah, wasn't that fucking fun? Hey what's going on with the old house? Wait stop don't tell me now save it for later, HEHEHEHORNS, I don't give a fuck to move out from here, she's got a family who's starting to learn how fucking awesome her goddamn husband is, ME, JACKSTAR, DESTROYER OF LAWYER’S DREAMS, LIBERATOR TO THE LITERATE, OH AND FUCK YEAH YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS I'M AN ALCOHOLIC IMMUNE TO DRUG ADDICTION, that's the goddamn only superpower I got, that I was actually born with! and l am in possession of ACTUAL Clergical Authority that makes all her other relationships pale by comparison. (I won a bar-bet with Jesus in 1997. I'm beginning to think that holy hand motherfucker lost on purpose.) I'm the fucking Rosetta Stone that her family has always dreamed of having... And the half of the family that dreamed of having me for lunch, they're due for dinner any day now. Their mommies are going to come home and yell at them to put down their toys come inside washer for dinner. Junior g.I men thinking they're going to get an upgrade to the penthouse plaza find themselves down in the gutter looking for cigarette butts. Y'all don't come back now, ya’hear? It's the greatest goddamn Tar Baby Briar Patch story that Uncle Remus ever told in the entire history of the whole fucking universe universe, everyday all day forever until they go away. {And I really am Melchizedek. Like I'm not pretending to be Jesus coming back, I'm the actual guy who came back. Coz like THIS Family really is important. They just playing it frothing at the mouth, no that's how they actually brush their teeth every morning when the neighbors ain't looking. AND I FUCKING LOVE EVERY GODDAM MINUTE OF IT. I WOULDN'T CHANGE A A SWEET BLESSED ASS THING, FOR ANYTHING. NOT ONE FUCKING CHANGE. Oh, does my wife have a new girlfriend? cool I can get one too. Maybe tomorrow, I got to finish washing my hair. Oh yeah and I'm on strike. Oh do you want to find out why I fucking pull up a chair, Nigger, and sit down next to Me, JACKSTAR, YEAH I LOOK WHITE TOO DON'T I? FUCK YOU, I KNEW I WAS A NIGGER BEFORE YOU KNEW HITLER WAS AUSTRIAN. I just plot out the whole storyboard for the next 35 years, man. And here's how I know how awesome this is and how it's going to work, this is God's fucking plan that Jesus gave to me. Does it sound crazy? You fucking bet your ass it does. Don't blame me fuck it I just work here, even though I'm the fucking beneficiary, and it makes sense that I own myself and I work for my own benefit and I'm the caretaker of my own fucking Gonzalez. Honestly at this point it's like you take a fucking lawyer's head and you you spray lead-based paint on his face and put him into a fucking MRI machine. I'll have his eyeballs dribbling down his cheeks before a poltergeist could even fucking wake up to know this time for dinner. And I want to wake up my mother, I whispered in her ear as she was dying how to become a poltergeist not knowing that this would come in so handy later! THE GENIUS OF GOD IS MANIFEST.

Then the house transforms into Omega Supreme and we take off for Mars. The goddam Indians are going to give me a medal just for teaching them a thing or two about how to fuck up the system without getting reamed out the ass. And this was all my mother's idea whose portrait hangs on the wall down here illuminated from below with a flickering candle light. It looks like she's presiding over a march to hell on our way to heaven... Because she fucking well is. Mom was also a genius. She left me with some complicated framework that I couldn't understand... So I fell in love with a woman who already had a complicated framework she couldn't understand, and then she told me she didn't want to get married because she was already secretly married, which already knew cuz she had two kids with two baby daddies that's way more important than a marriage already. So I settle up next to her fucked her brains back into her for 3 years, and that is one hell of an improvement I must say that God really enhanced for special with the no doubt soon to be patented Texas Twofer Maneuver, and started unloading trapdoor spiders from my marsupial pouch why you always distracted by the necessity of giving your own depositions while completely preventing me from giving mine. (Someone called to the basement and asked the gnomes what page of my deposition were on, they literally asked, "in base 10 or hexadecimal?" Fuck I'd have my books kept in ancient Aramaic, if I could get away with it while still getting high as balls—which is second only to my gun rights as my most important constitutional freedom. I already put those up on offer for the table too as a show of good faith. And speaking of Faith... yeah, I might have actually fucked her. It's a delicate thing, personal thing, had no idea, about things, and yeah I still love her! Oh is she supposed to be unbeatable? Well believe me I didn't beat her. Actual love, no conflict of interest there. It was only a matter of time before one of her hunting stupid bitchy little fucking Federal law enforcement ship bags started messing around and knocking over fences and picking up wedding rings and claiming this and bullshit that they are so enmeshed in a fucking bottomless swamp of garbage, it'll be fucking 2035 before they get the rights just to fucking open page one of the sealed federal case because some idiot down in Texas DID THE WRONG FUCKING THING and the whole shit show collapsed down on his head, so he's welcome to pay a lot of money so his wife he was going to put in concrete shoes can have her child with her when he does it. Unsurprisingly, this has stymied The works to a great extent, and took the amount of pissed offness that I'm capable of expressing to the world doesn't know what a mad Hungarian really looks like to the next next top level. TIPPITY TOP AND TIFFANY TRUMP TOWER TWO LEVEL. *Nostrils utterly unrustled, come here and milk my man-teats, as a matter of fact you're right I am S/her bitch you got a problem with that?* I think we're good here.

Oh and he's on fucking tape talking about how fucking awesome he is for fucking like a year and a half thinking he's fucking touchless. Untouchable, no you fucking ain't boy! I have all of them right by their balls through six sets of waldos, seven eagle feathers, and the biggest goddamn rack of smoked salmon you ever seen in your life. And the stories that are told about me already are fucking legendary, and I've barely gotten started and I haven't even lifted a finger. (I legit got a bad neck, I got to take care of it Proper. The fucking thing could go out any minute, next thing you know, bickety-bang, I'm fucking Christopher Reeve.) I'm waiting 6 years I'm still waiting for a legitimate parade of blowjobs from 72 virgins!! Oh, wait right that's the other religion. Well never mind I'll just sit here and wait. And yes! I do have a deck of cards!

Then, if necessary, I shorten “quasi-wife” to “Q-wide” and  people LITERALLY BEGIN TO DEVELOP SIGNS OF STIGMATA WITHIN 50 YARD RADIUS OF THE COURTHOUSE. So I'm pretty sure what you're thinking of and shamelessly misidentifying in public as a manic phase is actually a long overdue late phase development Hungarian puberty. Look at the Austrian? You think that's big? Well, yeah, I guess, big for an Austrian. And, just like that, I have turned hearts and minds throughout The Land.

Why, yes, the pen is mightier but my penis is pretty fucking mighty too. Trust Me: we're holding out. And if we can't fucking you're going to better hope you can steal a lot more guns somewhere else cuz I don't need a single fucking one of them. The mind is the only weapon, and I'm pretty sure both chuckleheads love the fuck out of this story, and if they didn't, I'd probably you know have heard about that by now, ya think? Copyright Michael Clifford KUCZI 2022 All rights reserved (my family actually does own D.A.R.P.A.) Check inmate #K52577 for Navy gang tattoos and ask him how nothing is doing. You'll soon see what's going on, oh you sure will. Leave the cornbread alone... Oh do your people call it maise? That's interesting, I got an ancestor who invented the Labyrinth. As soon as David Bowie is finished sucking on my dick, I'll put your ass in a time capsule going in reverse and we'll pray pretty softly over you next Sunday. Peace.


*Paladin Protective Services makes no claims of ownership over their recently recruited intern, other than to say, “holy shit did we get lucky with that pick, I'm glad he's on our side, WATCH OUT,. PUCK—” S.W.A.K.A.D.I.D.A.S.J.A.F.D. OMÀ. Á. So there. Period. Manic? I'm basically Freddie Mercury who's only had one flavor instead of all 31, and not only can I sing them all possibly, I can write them all down too. Amongst a group of people that well known for an oral tradition of historically, functionally totesilliterate this makes me basically an actual tiny God, although I do prefer Deity to any such grandiose claims.

And: I AM A SOURCEROR. Yeah, and a pacifist too. As well as a phenomenal kisser. Hey, you in the back, you're right! You're right! I should go to the dentist! Don't worry they can't start without me. Have someone give me a call and we'll talk about my appointment scheduling, in the meantime get back to working on on your Fudgesicle well I start working on taxing my tactical micro. The strategy came from downtown.

Now, I know what you're thinking there's a strategy? Fuck yeah!! The whole goddamn world is embroiled in a double-secret totescovert WAR FOR THE TRIPARTITE HEAVENS. (They don't actually teach history in California, and do you honestly think they ever actually did? Sad. So sad.) What do you think this is all about, fucking salmon spawning rights?Well that too, yeah, but— G-d damn it, The Greatest Story Ever Told is just getting to the good part, I mean the really good part, fuck where the fuck you even been, oh, is it classified, really, fancy that you Free French Air Force fruit fucker, I've been waiting for this literally 88% of my entire goddamn life, give me a fucking call, holy shit, what are you, fucking busy?


Oh, I understand: it's an emergency. Okay, I get it, I'll see you, I love you, God I love you, I love you, I love you, bye ilu <--- stop reading my texts without reading them to me. Hint Hint. And KNOW: you didn't steal my sperm; that's your sperm. (Of course I fucking remember: I'm a Sourceror) She tried to steal my sperm, but that was/IS My sperm, but... they're My Dad's Seamen.

What's awesome is because there's not many pictures of him still left lying around, none of them know that they all look identical to my dad. Hi, Chuck! What's up? salut! #REZPECT

[Jackstar]

I call her a quasi-wife, a girlfriend, and a fucking whore COMPLETELY INTERCHANGEABLY

Apologies do get better than this, but not by much, and not very often, Dan—uhhhhh what was your name again? Come again? I'm a little bit hard of hearing. Tell you what: would you like to wait around a little while for a better apology to come around, or should I get back to work at the drawing board on this one some more—this time with Miller’s Sourcerous Sorceress’ Gumbo sitting on a hot plate, set on the side.

(Believe me, I am on the edge of my seat too. Yeah you really should call me. Of course there is the problem with the interdimensional kidnapping and part-time shoelace smuggling ring, and believe me they want me to keep away from her bad too. These things have to be coordinated. That's why I'm waiting for the polite courtesy of a phone call. And who do y'all think is stopping that? It sure as fuck isn't me, and I doubt it's her, and the emergency is that I'm the fucking primary victim and I'm pissed, sure; but not half so pissed as that Spider Queen who thinks that I stole her baby. No I didn't. Hey, by the way, did any of you see Lost? Yeah it really wasn't that good but nevertheless I should be on a fucking living room couch making an ice cream sandwich with little toaster coconut sprinkles on top every fucking night and since I'm not, you're not, getting fucking shit, bitch bag. You think this is the problem no no 400 mi round trip you motherfucker that's the big fucking problem so you fucking get your fucking peace pipe out you fucking come down here you fucking apologize to me n*****.

(ring, ring)
“Hi, is this The Stakeholders Line? I'd like to order one heaping helping of Tangy Mongolian Teriyaki. What do you mean, "you're out“? I'm holding the steak in my hand, you're not out, you're fucking in, tell you what, how about this, what if I wanted to order 121 keeping helpings with kelp on the side? Uh-huh. Well, you got me there; that's right, I don't have any K–help, either. Yeah, that's true ever since Fukushima, see, weed's been hard. So hard to come by. Right, well this is what I really want, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want; sometime between 3:00 to 5:00 p.m. today. AND IT HAS TO BE TODAY, I want a goddamn phone call, to tell me where I got to go, to pick up my textbook, my Die Glock, my Google kandleabra w/free Google Puck’s I'll Will VI, and that's not “illwill” that is I WILL, and between 3 to 5 heaping helpings of Tangy Mongolian Teriyaki, please? Yeah, that does sound good, doesn't it? Well that is a good point, but I prefer to use the word, “please,” rather than to be frontin’ like I'm bossin’ people around on the phone, while overusing command tone for immortal porpoises. Oh, you can? Well, G-ddamn and by Jove, great Scott! You're right! That might change everything! Can you put your Chef on the phone? Well, just hold it up to hi\S/er ear then, I just got to ask a quick question, if there's been A/N/Y Eureka Moment(5) in the kitchen any time in the last ... oh call it, about 17 & 1/2 days. Really? Wow, that's awesome! That's one of my favorite questions to get to ask too!! haha, grand. CHERYL HOLD


(*This one's got Sourcery -and- mustard on it, how do you like this apology? I'm sorry if it's not quite to your liking, yet, now I'm pretty sure that I think that I have a very strong belief that I have an understanding here with you—and, YOU KNOW WHAT WHO I MEAN. And yes, this is A Sourceror’s Apology, krafted & drafted during soUrceror's hoUr, 220609, no I'm not a doctor, no I'm not Tesla (but I think he's a 3rd or 5th cousin or something, like f’real) and KNOW: I don't see that either, deus/x U’s , no, I don't see that, in fact, I don't see anything at all.*)

Look if you don't have an Abo there who can make a phone call, I'm willing to wait for you to teach whichever hostage you've got there that wants to suck my dick long & hard enough until little places for Aunt's to live start shooting out of it, so much so that that that's the only thing I can fucking think about anymore, every fucking day, to make a phone call, then I prepared to offer you a couple more choices. You can wait for the Emergency to be over, or you can tell my wife to read our girlfriend's email. Ask God, if you give me that choice Brother I wouldn't know which one to pick I'd have to sit down and think it over for a few days.*snap* okay I'm back, I thought it over, read the email out loud at any nearby children's library, meanwhile I'm going to call CPS. *click* by the way your wife waved at me once, is it safe to smoke pot with her children yet? I don't know how fucking old they are, I just got back from Pluto, and you know they got dogs there now that can fucking smoke out of a bong? Come on man. with their little paws and everything, I can't believe it! Yeah, coolest thing I ever saw, oh yeah the best weed possible, Pluto has it all, you know he gets it from Mickey, and you know Mickey—HEHE—and, by the way, talk about a case of somebody being a little too overprotected, that's the kind of thing that can fucking happen. Yeah, scary shit. Anyway where we? Oh yeah your wife waved to me once but I didn't wave back cuz I didn't know the protocol. But I want to rescue the Abo first. Does it matter? Oh shit yeah it would matter if I had been through there in Kentucky or Tennessee, wouldn't it? Oh shit yeah, no doubt, that would make a big fucking difference, but the good news is I haven't been either place I haven't been east of the Ozarks, and if I ever made it there, why the hell would I ever leave? Except to get my Abo.

So what's going to be? Truth or dare? Call me. Options/Standards/Tradition, but never automatic perdition, I don't give a shit if Keyser Soze’s evolved twin is involved with the line for any canal, birth, berth -or- Panama... that kind of shit just isn't done.

Look, I'm a Wizkid Ambassador Diplomat, and all, and I wouldn't take chances either, but choosing not to decide is still making a choice. All right it's 2:36 20 minutes into sorcerer's hour this is one of the best ever, put the woman on the floor in the next 20 minutes we'll have time to do it fucking another Texas toofer maybe we can do a Tennessee tripart tri-tip! I love a parade! especially when there's meat involved.

Also, traditionally, there's a certain amount of accepting that has to happen during an apology, and the most important thing to accept is the goddam truth: the whole goddam world knows that you love (PROT) & (PROD) otherwise I wouldn't be here at all. So what exactly is the threat? and are you done reading your email yet? because that one is nowhere near as long as this one, yeah and if I were a douchebag who would demanded private time with somebody's wife over the phone from Texas to Washington in fucking July of 2020, I'd be real fucking nervous too considering how that one turned out but you know what maybe motherfucker I learned a few fucking things or two when I didn't go to bitch school, chopperhead. I mean man. I mean sir where the fucking talking to you anymore just fucking call me God *click* whatever these fucking people.

If we don't have an understanding here yet they'll be an afternoon matinee at 4:00. Peace

[Master Trollda]

Probably when Jacky's current manic phase inevitably crashes is my guess, I suppose if I were a psychiatric patient stuck in home detention with an ankle bracelet for a couple months I'd eff up my meds just for the hell of it, what is he supposed to do, watch the stupid Platinum Card Hologram Jubilee brought to you by Sainsbury's over and over?

Since you seem to know can you relate the story to us of what actually happened to Jack over the last few years?

[Jackstar]

Since you seem to know can you relate the story to us of what actually happened to Jack over the last few years?

I would prefer that we did that over snacks, I want coffee. I want to see facial expressions; fuck yeah. I would love to see him relate that story! I will pay for that deposition twice! The second time just for the gravy.

Or, is it really that big a deal? Like what is actually on the line anymore I fucking lost my account I'm fucking 6 months into my God damn cabin fever relapse, and it's been an emergency, yeah I guess, sure, Christ. None of you even know what I want. You're fucking talking about me behind my back for 30 fucking years you're not even speaking the right language. And you've demonstrably believed Chinese spies more than me. (To be fair, having made that mistake once, I'm sure a person would be highly averse to making the same mistake again.)

unglaublich

[Robert Mugabe]

Since you seem to know can you relate the story to us of what actually happened to Jack over the last few years?

Grapefruit juice and medication is always a bad combination.

[K_Dubb]

Since you seem to know can you relate the story to us of what actually happened to Jack over the last few years?

LOL not interested in the details, sadly it is typical resistant mental patient when they reach middle age and the family support structure collapses, many such cases 🙏

[Master Trollda]

LOL not interested in the details, sadly it is typical resistant mental patient when they reach middle age and the family support structure collapses, many such cases 🙏

What happens to gay men when you hit middle age?

[K_Blubb]

What happens to gay men when you hit middle age?

We get fat 😭

[K_Blubb]

I explained this already, there's a point where you just give up and balloon and go out to brunch every day with a bunch of other fat bitter queens you hate and say horrible things to each other and get drunk on bellinis.  I'm looking forward to it!

[Master Trollda]

Is all your leftism just revenge against your parents for a) being gay enough to produce a gay son but b) not being gay enough to actually be gay themselves?

[K_Dubb]

Is all your leftism just revenge against your parents for a) being gay enough to produce a gay son but b) not being gay enough to actually be gay themselves?

No it is because, as a boy, my parents once took me to dim sum 😧

[Master Trollda]

No it is because, as a boy, my parents once took me to dim sum 😧

It probably didn’t help.

[Jackstar]

Grapefruit juice and medication is always a bad combination.

Not nearly so much as you two. What exactly was bad about my past five years? It would be difficult indeed to pinpoint anything in particular that might be at all considered unfavorable. Oh, yeah, I've got that Austrian Tiny Klingon who will lurching about after my wallet for the next forever, since, you know, if I don't shell out money, that means my love isn't true. That's right, it isn't. It's love. Pfft. In any event I would be happy to explain:

She waited three years--that being the length of time a vag with a badge that passes before she could have had me/ME/Me the way she wanted me: prepared for sacrifice. Here was the plan: she needed to take out Target #1 without losing Target #2, and I had to believe she wasn't badged and everyone else on the planet had to believe that she was, and, she everyone had to believe that she had been investigating me, and not, say, any one of her hundreds of dozens of personal, 1:1 friendships she and her 31 Flavors and Handsome. Because this was A RESCUE OP.

Look, you faggin'& gaggin' fuck-its don't really understand what is happening here, okay? And, it's not really my story to tell. No one else has the kind of cognitive capacity to be the lead character arc of this story than the boy who deserved a beach house for 21, so I'm not really gearing up for this project. I'm still trying to remember where I put the charger attachment for my mother's blow dryer so I can individually heat shrink blades of grass and trap their rare forms of Phoe Pollen that are still bravely clinging to the landscape after half a year of off-season rainy-seasons rain bucket rice throwin'& burnin' brigade. (We're talking about old clumps of peacock shit--it's evidence, they say.) There really is a great deal of nightmarish detail to the entire story. Listen here:

Grapefruit juice and medication is always a bad combination.

This reminds me, you painted Patchouli packing prima DONNA cobtwat. Kikel Mucci has had about enough of yours smarmy shitbag worthier-than-me-fat-chance roll-around-in-the-park Jesters never heard of them oh my God get out how dare you how to spell jehovah JAHBULON oh I'm just going to disapprove silently of you and then send my dad to go ask you stupid salty questions out of nowhere while stalking you your whole fucking life and then silently ID and openly mock as a huge group, you, for no fucking discernible reason, all the fucking time! LIKE IT IS GODDAM YEAR 2225 of FUCK YOU FUKSHIMA. There's something you're not aware of. Every single dragged ass, kicked rock, and middle finger raised fuck you to your fuckin' Monument has lead to this time and this one day glorious shining purpose, which is to tell you that you're a total fucking liar and I goddam well know it. The fact that you all grew up to be snotty Junior G.I. Men is of surprise to me, exactly none. You love pushing people around and acting all smug. You're still doing it, you weasel-faced cunting bitch! And you know fucking good and well the truth: GODDAM MK-ULTRA MIND CONTROL CHEMICAL INVOLVEMENT. I figured it out from a combination of factors: reading Firestarter at age 8, deciding that participating in a totesbadass chemistry experiment that lead to getting laid and producing progeny that can light Lightstars on fire sounded like a good time, and look at Mrs. Paul slumped over there in her chair? You know why? I slapped one of Mom's scopolamine patches on her, look at here staring at the wall like it's a black hole from Calcutta with a hypnotic ring.

(ring, ring, hello? Is this the refund department? Yes, how much do I get back for my diploma? huh? no, high school. *click* Why I ought do something, I went to public school. I know, I'll run for *collapse*) Without even knowing that melphinydate even existed. You fucking bitch. ("Your WIRED UP ON SPEED A.D.I.D.A.S.) I hope you're fucking dead in a ditch when your buzzard blows a rod. We get assigned that stupid fucking book, that dude sits in a fucking hotel bar in the middle of a war blasting off and writing The Plague, and the man is Albert Camus, and, I bet you fucking heard of him a lot sooner than I did, because I didn't exactly feel like reading a book while couldn't fucking breathe or figure out the answers to simple questions, like, "Wow, she is behaving strange. What happened? She started taking birth control pills after I lied to her mother for her, boy and was that a fun interview, well, so what did  I Do wrong, let's see, let me count the things I did today. Try to get up. Try to be happy. Try to follow a conversational flow with this motorhead shitbag chuckle headbagger strides around with endless energy and blue jeans by Levi's crawling up his ass and along girls' eyelines. Huh, why does that happen? You fuckng knew. I don't give a rat fucking ratfuck shit about your fucking sneering at me about 'medication.' First of all: fuck you, I outrank your fucking mother now, bitch, so how about you lose your smarmy-shitty attitude when you recognize that while you might see him every fucking day, and familiarity breeds contempt, and trust me, it didn't take long for you to fucking weasel out to be a rude hoor as soon as I spun on a dime just because I felt like it that day, and I got tired of your deepshit bagcover-her-fucking-head-now-you're-ALL-FUCKIN'-BURNT, like I give a shit? Get a job at the fucking car wash. YOU DO NOT KNOW THE GODDAM BASTARD HALF OF FUCKING HELL OF WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT, and I couldn't give a  single solitary shit as to what your opinion is here on this issue. Oh you think that was cool? No, it wasn't. And i'l ltell you why: when I figured out what you were doing, what you were up to, and what you were mysteriously not telling me about, and then, what your little friend and her little friend were doing, Jesus Christ Lord Yeshua amongst us, I would punch your fukcing lights out if it could have stopped that blood sacrifice, you bitch-face weasel. You don't think I know a blood sacrifice when I felt one coming? Think again. YOU DISGUST ME. The only way I could imagine never having to embarrass the shit out of everyone and not embarrass myself TO DEATH, as I couldn't imagine having a fucking conversation with anyone, ever again, without people inevitably figuring out just what they fuck happened, and how fucking apathetic the entire fucking gang of you really were. I chose to withdraw to the complete nadir: to go the lower absolute limit of survivability. And fucking stay there for as long as all of fucking eternity as  could. Why make money? Why eat food? Why make friends? You didn't make that friend, you were assigned her. When I came to realize what a piece of shit you were, to let me sit around HOW LONG? you're all here since when? you thought that was a good idaea whye? THAT IS FUCKING STALKING. And what was the reason or your disgust and hate? oh right, I treated someone wrong. Oh really, how did I do that? And when did I tell you, "thanks for letting me know! L'Haim! So how did you know, huh? When were you told? Because I will tell you right now, I SET UP THAT TRAP FOR EXACTLY THAT REASON: TO DEMONSTRATE A LESSON OF A MORATORIUM OF UNDERSTANDING ABOUT HOW A PERSON CONDUCTS AN INITIATION. Here's a hint: DO NOT DO IT THAT WAY. Look at your handiwork. I've been here for long time. The whole time, huh? And I was too dangerous to reveal to? Oh, why is that? And how did you find THAT out? THE ONLY WAY T KNOW THAT, WOULD BE IF YOU FUCKING FLEW IT IN FROM PORTUGAL YOU FUCKING BABY-TRAFFCIKING CUNT. She never told me then, she never told me EVER, I just heard that part of the story last goddem week, and believe me, knowing that sooner would have made  a difference. You are a vile, disguising humans bebang. And, what a great day time to celebrate? *drops to whisper: oh I bet you were fucking certain I gave a damn, uh? yOU know you fucking thought so too. Now, I am not going to criticize someone else's happiness. i Will point you that you are beyond pathetic and I sure would fuck a plumber';s rack before getting near you ,but yeah, obviously, yeah, of course, and you know what you slime headed twat breathmaster ,I would have had fun talking to her for once in awhile longer than 3 TIMES IN 25 YEARS. Eat shit. I was so hurt that a person would not actually tell me the fucking reason, why, what, does your father disapprove? Well good, he shouldn't have made that happen then, and I knew that if the roles were reversed, I would certainly be happy to. Also i was noticing a little bit too much of "jump on the train to graduation here's your baby now I'm going to Hore school, Imen "college" oh yeah, you're paying too, and I wouldn't mind butting the bricks on that train track either. I didn't seeing any actual since of passion before either, and it's no skin off my nose she didn't want to have a baby, but she did, she anted to fake taking the pills (she made me lie so I was sure to know the investment) and then put me in awkward compromising positions and taunt me FEATHERN IN HER MIND AT MIND READING SCHOOL literally taunting me in my head, "rape me! rape me!" She's lying in bed, narrow as a BOARD and cool as a cucumber, she is LITERALLY not speaking a word, just fucking thin lipped smile and gazing at me, armor random  and I know what this is, it's a fuckign trap. She wants to get knocked up from first thrust hymen blow now drop your wallet and get out, I hate you *crash lasagna* hop IMMEDIATELY onto another dick, yes you had one picked out i fucking watched it happens, you planned the whole fucking thing, yo never gave a shit at al about feelings if you had you wouldn't' have quietly watched me for 20 fucking years . You wanna deny any of that? because there's more. I REFUSED to participate, but I also refused to hurt anyone's feelings. I knew what would happen. People would ufcking hate her and what she wwas doing , not because of me, but because that's what fucking lying whores do. And then I would get to fuck once, and be on the hook for support, and then what, huhu? Oh ,nd the whole time, you get me birth control pills WHICH YOU DONT EVEN WANT, THEY"RE FOR SOMEONE ELSE, some one who IS 'bi' and you do this whole fucking psychodrama on me and the whole school so you can be a turbo slut, dig two graves for two paychecks, and because I saw this coming and took steps, oh, suddenly what was once "i love you so much lets fuck right away!" suddenly turns to "how dare you be disqualified from sperm donorship, wow, and why did that happen? When did you decided hat? A baby was mandatory? Oh really. Your goanna put his hands in your shirt again, yeah, just grab his hands his hands and stuff them down your fuckign stupid shirt (would have meant something if I had seen it before) huh? Why am I here? Oh you want to humilitat me. Why are you calling? Oh you want to humiliates me. That's the naswe I get for eveyrufucking wqeusiotn for the rest of my life, i think until I get here and within 2 days I have the whole thing figured out, because I NEVEER talked to he about SHEN EVER spoke of it either. Oh , so you think that was traumatic? okay but she got spend and I got setup for a DUI. YAS oh no, Eewww, gross, what's thats smell! That's terrible, that smells  like a skunk and a fish for the be his list first and last time, why can't it just smell like skunk Weed is bad (cough-cough) it's so much better with (PROJT) spears it with chemistry set MDMA. (I am sure you remember that little bottle of cherry red fluid. I wondered about it. That was you, right there. YOU COULD HAVE) You were a total shit bag loser, Robert, and astral this time, you stil lfucking are. I hope you get metastatic cancer in your ass, and I hope it hurts. I AM NOT REALLY CLOSE TO DONE ATALL.

I did things that way for multiple reasons. Number one, didn't trust you. I still don't. rumours of gay bashing? you fucking lying cunt. That's disgusting. And yet... you;re here for years and years. So what are you doing here? Tell you what, shut up.

Grapefruit juice and medication is always a bad combination.

You just took a pretty good heapin' helpin' of a pretty G-g-g-gTRAP IT WAS I SET UP THAT TRAP FOR EXACTLY THAT REASON: TO DEMONSTRATE A LESSON OF A MORATORIUM OF UNDERSTANDING ABOUT HOW A PERSON CONDUCTS AN INITIATION. Okay, now tell you're realm dsa who one needs to I c. You get the picture here? YOU FUCKED UP. YOU, ALL OF YOU, FACEBOOK FRIENDS, FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD FRUIT FUCKER, AND EVERYONE ELSE INDEED, IN FACT. BECAUSE THE ENTIRE POPULATOIN IN THE WEST SCHOOL KNOWS YOU'RE BLACKLISTED, YOURE BURNED, YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS DASHED, YOUR NEED MORE SHEDS

You know even less about about how fuckheaded obvious you are with your shitbag discriminator attitude. You talk about chemical compounds with anyone else, it's cheerful smiles. You bring up "medications" with someone you don't approve of, it's drugs. You do it with Kuczi, it's fuck you druggie! HE JUST USED A NEEDLE! HE USED KNIFE AND FORK! THE SAME KNIFE AND FORK HE USED ON THE FIRST DATE HE HAD WHEN HE SAID, "Oh, I want to try it up the butt once, I want to try that. Safely. I follow a protocol I and I need to expand it's reliability for the purposes of harm reduction." Smarmy-duper's delight-smile-that-was--literally the fist red-flag and I have NEVER come down from alarm mode. And it's a good thing too, as you were obviously reedy to help, you should. I remember exactly what you said, Hayzelle, "Oh, yeah, I can help with that," nodding and smiling, so do you think that you meant that to say, "I would bust you!" well I was there and I fucking know Hayzelle, oh and was I supposed to know to keep that a secret from K/C Leigh Tawn? You see you weren't clear, and you weren't. So, FOUR YEARS LATER, what, what that supposed t mean? Why are you suddenly acting like that's a good idea? Oh and when did you decide that I couldn't e trusted?a and it's not for

The good news is that I know I am getting through to you, as I can see they're about to put on their sherry fisa you didn't ruin my life. You didn't do anything to it at all. Your attitude ruins my day. You obviously does it, you're automatically in control, but how's your mother does she like the cheery cordial corrida? If they''res alcohol on them, yeah. Every opportunity I could get, to talk loudly, toward the most obnoxious way possible to do. The objective of phase 2, I thought, was to practice things in as outlandish way possible. and I'd feel confident to open it up. Now I wouldn t know now, but I thought about you when I murdered the whiskey. Which was -weird.- Because it was VoiceToSkull. It wasn't the dead speaking. There was no way that was going to happen, so when three coincidences and I knew when the phone rang, oh... I don't remember anything, I just remember being taken advantage of because I did not find it particularly plausible

The objective was simple: slog through the dregs of society, obtain value, and take metric shitloads of drugs. Take ALL the drugs, you mother fucker. I had a vague notion of what it could have been, because I had, after all set up the etest well yaf when the walk off the plank happened maximum plankage, and needles! MY MOTHER USES NEEDLES ON THE RADIO DIAL AND IN HER TUMMY EVERY FUCKING DAY so... hey, here's an idea, how about, in addition to being a hardcore baller, I learn to use them correctly and safely? Yes! LEARN ALL THE SKILLS!

I am not kidding. Rules for thee but not for me is done here. If the notion of intentionally spreading a dubious series of rumours and preconceived notions ahead of a Gabcast just for the style points does not appeal, know that I had learned information that made it seem impossible for me to handle a civil discourse with both of them. And I didn't wish to make that kind of an impression.

The kind of impression I have made is a good one. It was just time to get hiiighgh man. (Dr. Ick: No come on man.) You got that right, icky-gross. I'm already covered in ood from the sweat. Now, I admit this is an awful way to get started, but it is where we are at, and it is a good place . It's not all that weak of a point to recover from. I had imagined a little bit of a speech about "What a funny name that is, Dr. Ounce, haha" and then I would have ten years to punch myself in the face to braid my nose hairs into a clothesline.