Whew! It’s nice not to have to scoll through that bullshit anymore. 
I don't think it's bullshit that there's nothing untoward about me saying hello to you. I'm not out of control, you're not a target, I have no anger with you, you have no vulnerabilities to me. I don't understand what the problem is, seems like an affectation, and it's insulting.
How do you know it was bullshit before you scrolled through it? I'm sure you could do it for certain that it wasn't the same thing that you have told yourself for years but that's definitely not really accurate considering that I have no idea what that actually was I don't know why you actually had to do that, I didn't feel comfortable with most of the things that happened, and as far as I knew you were okay with other people going on your life and I was okay without you didn't really understand what your problem was but I figured I couldn't be with anybody and then I would be happy when I figured out why and how someday I could and that was like 30 years later didn't expect you to be interested but I'd like to know that I did think of you and then somebody hit you.
So what's the bullshit you talking about there? Is it the one where I've been trying to get a message to you for a little while and you didn't even know and then I got to and you didn't even care is that the bullshit cuz that's pretty close and then I don't think I'd consider that if you ever try to get a message to me although when you when you when you called about your your dad you're crying I didn't buy that for a minute because you never call and you never cry you never talk to your dad and what the hell am I going to do for you anyway? Oh that's right you knew I had no Brothers No sisters and you know I loved you and there's a house so yeah of course you can call me your dad I don't remember you trying real hard. That's okay I do remember you trying.
I also remember a whole bunch of guys orbiting you and keeping me away from you with their snarly demeanor when the guy who broke my God damn hand sends me a message fucking 5 minutes after I start talking to you that's sending me a message isn't it, which I find to be a challenge but it seems like you're completely blissfully ignorantly aware of this remarkable circumstance. Like I'm not upset it's kind of flattering but did he really think I need to be warned off and would he like the other half of the hand? And how do you feel about that? Well who cares.
Bottom line I'll be done writing when I'm done writing it if you don't care to read it then just skip it. I'm looking forward to grateful coming back here someday and see what I wrote she might possibly look at it she might possibly not I don't give a wild fuck I'm not writing it for everybody except for myself and I'm happy to say it because some of these things I haven't said before. For example, you're not very sharing with your technology awarenesses. Not that I mean to be prying but it does seem to me that... You don't feel like anything but an enemy anymore, which typically would matter to somebody. I think.
Also you were important enough to lie to me about that's fascinating. I don't know if that's going to be relevant to the jury trial but they are coming up and I prefer not to go to jail and what am I bugging you talk about the truth about how I remember I mean wouldn't you like to remember what I think about you? I remember ultimately believing that there was no reason that you talk to me at all other than you were required to by law, and I do not know the moment at which you suddenly turned yourself off but that's the thing that Scorpios do and you are a Scorpio and you're turned off because something I did well you know can I do more of it because there's a bunch of stuff you've done that has turn me off. I would think that since you're not attracted me that would be to your advantage I mean I don't know I guess you gave up on interest in being friends or anything I don't know I guess people told you stories I guess you have a different idea in mind I guess you got it all figured out.
And I guess you knew about the oxygen too. Okay well crazy one was in the way until then and perhaps it still is and I guess you had a different point of view. How this is not interesting to you is a mystery to me. Speaking of mystery I also made sure to get really high at Chris's place and then be really obnoxious and then leave and never see him again, cuz I remember I wanted people to know that I was just completely wasted and broken off and just a complete waste of time.
That way if you're willing to take my call I knew you'd fucking mean it for once. So I guess it's all added up to you and I not even talking at all okay well that's great talk to whoever the fuck you want, and make sure what it comes up to let people know that it's you didn't like me very much and you came up with an excuse and you dropped me cold and didn't bother to explain cuz you're embarrassed. Cuz that's what I'll say. Oh yeah and you verbally implied with official expression and speech that having sex with me would eww gross disgusting. I remember like it was clear as a bell yesterday. She's asking you if you're having sex with me as if I don't know and then you're telling her oh no gross disgusting so that's implying that you know she wants you and you want to let her know that oh no I don't go with boys I just go with this fat one to keep him company like what the fuck.
I simply didn't want to get involved in that social sphere cuz at some point I would have just told them everything I knew about you which was that you were shallow harmless I don't know what else doesn't matter.
And because I was too hard for you to figure out we never became friends and then I attempted to send you some messages and you told me to go be with your other friend ... whatever. I'd like to thank you for what you had the opportunity to do with me and what you have done. That's a cool license plate for the truck and a nice ring too. Thanks for being so tolerant of how disgusting I am, was, and and right now of course unless I decide to shut my penis off again. It's possible unit really is how much trouble there was when I discovered what was really going on the background and if you thought that I was the one starting it or instigating it or keeping it going and thus wanted to judge me that would seem strange but I bet it's some hot guy was doing that you wouldn't fucking care you jump all over them I don't even fucking know. I do know nothing about me you seem to be using to you for 20 years so the fact that you've been here pretending to be not you and then watching me without vomiting it seems unlikely and also willingly suspicious.
Would have been happy to bee your friend and not have sex with you. That didn't work for you. You wanted semen. You wanted a baby. Do you want it you wanted things and you didn't have any interest in what I wanted. Here's what I wanted: companionship.
So I remember you deliberately turning it off and I got to spawn it and rather than make you into a laughingstock I decided to go away and now you're not laughing so like no one will ever read this. You got all that?
Go ahead scroll past it it's not important. It's not like I've never told these stories before the entire history of my life, it's no big deal. Not even about you anyway, who cares?
Well I guess you do cuz I barely remembered you and then all of a sudden I thought of you again it was wonderful. Still is. I'm glad I can tell you what I really think of you in that way you can rest assure that Jason beetle will know. Like oh my God just ridiculous, I mean I wouldn't have bothered before and then I didn't understand what to do before but now I know what to do and obviously have this much time if he's still fucking whatever when I show up he must you know be fucking Target a number one on me and like was he going to do if I could give me another Dewey? Is that the problem and I'm bothering you and I give you some kind of attention that you don't care for did you send him out to beat me up or something like I don't expect you to answer any questions cuz why would a person do that, but it's a little not imposing but it's kind of cute. Hopefully you two have nice pillow talk together, oh yeah on the phone you never want to talk about anything except your relationships like what the fuck ever. What do you look for in a friend anyway? I don't suppose someone like you needed to look for a friend to you. Hells bells the puppy from senior year is still falling around on Facebook telling me to bark off. lol. See I left you alone together I did you a favor. You should be grateful. Maybe you are, just by never talking to me again gee thanks.
And I would have called you instantly after my nose got done but I thought it'd be rude because I would simply say to you but I actually felt and she wouldn't like that and then you're probably working together already so I was feeling a little cautious and nervous and then I can't believe you let it go. Oh yeah well you did you know get me to still pills for you so you can go have whatever the hell you did with your lesbian partner whatever have fun what do you need me for some more? That's it, that's all thas what happened.
I was crippled until I found out what happened and now I'm not. That's literally all I wanted to tell you.
I can't believe you were unwilling to get stoned, and I deliberately found that stuff that was like candy pretend adulterate drink cuz I wanted to know if you would actually think I would actually do that or if you would know it would be fake or whatever and by that time I was pretty sick of your bullshit so didn't really mind of what your reaction would be.
Obviously you didn't miss me all that much, why would you you would be able to laugh at me with your friends behind my back while I was right in front of you. That must have been polite.
For them. And I don't know what you think I caused you but I don't know what it might have been. Probably saved your life. Still don't get it like you get rid of me and you're mad at me like you got to be like twice you picked other people to whatever I have no idea don't bother mentioning it unless it's important, I don't have time for this kind of nonsenseless unless it goes somewhere, and I don't accept that you are unable to communicate with me.
That doesn't add up. Period.
p. s.: Also I didn't want to be your friend because I didn't want to talk to your friends and hear your friends in front of you and tell them what was wrong with you and I when they would ask because obviously they would I just want to deal with the whole goddamn thing because you did something and something happened I didn't know why I was weird so I resolved to go away until it was fixed and then I did and then it was too late for you. Like to even talk, you had to be busy having good times with my girlfriend or the fuck I did.
Good Times!
