The BellGab Bakeshop

[K_Dubb]

You will also notice that both recipes call for Medjool dates, which is laughable.  You are pureeing the damn things into oblivion, you can use any old dried-up package of Sun Maid as long as you adjust the liquid accordingly.  It is just the stupid English acting like they have discovered something new and putting it in everything for status reasons as they always do the bastards.  As anyone on the best coast knows, where we have all been down to visit papi and learn about the bazillion varieties of dates they grow down there,



Medjools are unequaled for gooey sugary dark-molassey flavor (unless you can find one of the smaller varieties fresh on the stick where they haven't dried out so much and retain their delicacy -- not a problem if you have a decent Middle Eastern population in your area and aren't afraid of an ethnic grocery) for eating out of hand or stuffing with nuts and cheese and using for one of those clever Angels-On-Horseback twists everyone whips out summers on the barbecue, but if you are going to mash them all up it is a waste of a good high-quality date that can't really be improved upon as an eating experience.  Use dried-up old garbage if you are going to steam it and f you want that subtle tang and dark-sugar flavor just add a tablespoon or two of molasses or treacle and another of citrus juice, doesn't matter what.  Put some grated rind in, too, as long as you're at it.  Silly English make me laugh.

[K_Dubb]

Look here is a retard who made the double-ginger pudding and proceeded to review it, only mentioning in passing that he/she added a half a can of pumpkin because it was just sitting around, which turned the dessert from an architectural wonder to something that looks like an incredibly accomplished bowel movement.

[K_Dubb]

Oh now this is something!  Here people are using the pudding as a base in which to serve poached pears, much like a clafoutis.  Reminiscent of stargazer pie, or floating island!  This is going on the list; it is spectacular:



https://ilovecooking.ie/recipe-items/sticky-toffee-pear-pudding/





https://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-5122029/Tanya-bakes-Christmas-Sticky-toffee-pear-traybake.html

Will someone please tell me WHY we have begun using "bake" as a noun (makes me retch!) and inventing new things like "traybakes" when there are already plenty of words to describe bars, cobblers, crisps, and even my grandma without her glasses could see that the last thing is a plain sheet cake with pears in it.  Makes me furious!

[Master Trollda]

You will also notice that both recipes call for Medjool dates, which is laughable.  You are pureeing the damn things into oblivion, you can use any old dried-up package of Sun Maid as long as you adjust the liquid accordingly.  It is just the stupid English acting like they have discovered something new and putting it in everything for status reasons as they always do the bastards.  As anyone on the best coast knows, where we have all been down to visit papi and learn about the bazillion varieties of dates they grow down there,



Medjools are unequaled for gooey sugary dark-molassey flavor (unless you can find one of the smaller varieties fresh on the stick where they haven't dried out so much and retain their delicacy -- not a problem if you have a decent Middle Eastern population in your area and aren't afraid of an ethnic grocery) for eating out of hand or stuffing with nuts and cheese and using for one of those clever Angels-On-Horseback twists everyone whips out summers on the barbecue, but if you are going to mash them all up it is a waste of a good high-quality date that can't really be improved upon as an eating experience.  Use dried-up old garbage if you are going to steam it and f you want that subtle tang and dark-sugar flavor just add a tablespoon or two of molasses or treacle and another of citrus juice, doesn't matter what.  Put some grated rind in, too, as long as you're at it.  Silly English make me laugh.

Hmm...I think they’re medjool but the container just says delicious pitted dates. They most closely resemble #7 though and are very sweet. Can dates ferment? I swear that I’m getting that slight waft of the start of alcohol now but when I eat them they still taste alright.

[K_Dubb]

Hmm...I think they’re medjool but the container just says delicious pitted dates. They most closely resemble #7 though and are very sweet. Can dates ferment? I swear that I’m getting that slight waft of the start of alcohol now but when I eat them they still taste alright.

Yes!  If they are packed with enough liquid they can ferment, you can make date wine.  Should be fine but if you're worried about nasty bacteria cooking them is the answer.

[Master Trollda]

Yes!  If they are packed with enough liquid they can ferment, you can make date wine.  Should be fine but if you're worried about nasty bacteria cooking them is the answer.

That was my thinking on the matter.

[pate]

I made some Rye Irish Soda Bread the other day to go with my Corned Beef & Cabbage.  I threw in a little bit of some Vital Wheat Gluten for shits and giggles, AND made it with fake Buttermilk (Whole Milk + Apple Cider Vinegar) because I only had about a half cup of the "real" stuff left.

Turnt out pretty decent, although the bottom burned a bit even though I flipped it over in the middle of baking it...

I am contemplating either making cheese-toast or just regular toast in the broiler with the last half of it.  Note to amateurs:  electric toasters suck, real toast is made in a broiler, it is the only way.

I think I will do both cheese-toast and regular toast with it, and I will put honey and butter on the regular toast because that is how I roll.

[K_Dubb]

I made some Rye Irish Soda Bread the other day to go with my Corned Beef & Cabbage.  I threw in a little bit of some Vital Wheat Gluten for shits and giggles, AND made it with fake Buttermilk (Whole Milk + Apple Cider Vinegar) because I only had about a half cup of the "real" stuff left.

Turnt out pretty decent, although the bottom burned a bit even though I flipped it over in the middle of baking it...

I am contemplating either making cheese-toast or just regular toast in the broiler with the last half of it.  Note to amateurs:  electric toasters suck, real toast is made in a broiler, it is the only way.

I think I will do both cheese-toast and regular toast with it, and I will put honey and butter on the regular toast because that is how I roll.

Ha we are thinking the same!  I made Swedish limpa (half-rye, with orange juice and peel and caraway seeds and molasses, so it's kind of soda-breadish) and nearly forgave that damned race of mercenary money-grubbers but then recalled myself to duty.  #FUCKTHESWEDES

[pate]

Ha we are thinking the same!  I made Swedish limpa (half-rye, with orange juice and peel and caraway seeds and molasses, so it's kind of soda-breadish) and nearly forgave that damned race of mercenary money-grubbers but then recalled myself to duty.  #FUCKTHESWEDES

Is Swedish limpa a quick-bread?  That was my main reason for making Soda Bread, I didn't want to wait around for the proof/punch-down/2nd-proof then bake cycle of a few hours...  I suppose I could Goggle "Swedish limpa bread," but I like to hear from my Shadow Veep on such impotent subjects like baking and what-not.  Plus it gives me the opportunity to write:

K_Dubb, Attend:  We mustn't let the "Bakeries Not Fakeries" program fall by the wayside in this unfortunate time where the position of leadership in this country suffers from a sort of vacant infinite regression (think of how empty the chair is in the White Haus, and then think how empty the head is of the usurper sitting in it)...

I have said too much!

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"WHO shat in the interregnum?"

[K_Dubb]

Is Swedish limpa a quick-bread?  That was my main reason for making Soda Bread, I didn't want to wait around for the proof/punch-down/2nd-proof then bake cycle of a few hours...  I suppose I could Goggle "Swedish limpa bread," but I like to hear from my Shadow Veep on such impotent subjects like baking and what-not.  Plus it gives me the opportunity to write:

K_Dubb, Attend:  We mustn't let the "Bakeries Not Fakeries" program fall by the wayside in this unfortunate time where the position of leadership in this country suffers from a sort of vacant infinite regression (think of how empty the chair is in the White Haus, and then think how empty the head is of the usurper sitting in it)...

I have said too much!

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"WHO shat in the interregnum?"

It is not a quick bread per se, sir, but, as it is water- or sometimes beer-based, compared to the usual high-fat high-sugar milk-based doughs I make that really should languish overnight, it seems positively sprightly, particularly if I (sotto voce) omit the first rise.  Despite liberal application of Vital Wheat Gluten I cannot get the kind of "crumb development" (really more swirls of stretched and folded flour) out of even a half-rye loaf that I can out of wheat so I am not inclined to bother with that whole thing.  This means that, so long as I keep a fresh orange or two on hand, I am never no more than an hour and a half from a hot slab of fragrant limpa smothered in nutty high-fat 83% butter, within easy reach of a grumbly tummy.

I am very sorry for neglecting the matter of "Bakeries, not Fakeries", sir.  I do believe we are in dire straits where commercial baking is concerned.  The lobster-roll place is no longer selling homemade Boston Cream Pie so I went looking for it at the grocery, where I found it neatly presented on a scalloped gold-foil tray in its own plastic dome, with a plastic band around to keep the layers from sliding -- ok (I thought) this must be a decent cake, but:  what a miserable concoction, industrial sponge with a Cool-Whip filling!  I weep for the children, who will never know the succulence of creme patissiere or the luxurious melting velvet of real ganache!  We must save our country.  It is no wonder we can no longer tell an empty-headed old fool from a true statesman while our bellies are full of Cool Whip, forsooth!

[Master Trollda]

[WOTR]

...which turned the dessert from an architectural wonder to something that looks like an incredibly accomplished bowel movement.

Please, please tell me that is the review that you left on cooks.com.

[WOTR]

That was my thinking on the matter.

With Jack not being present to correct spelling or grammar, allow me.

"Thinking that was of mine on the matter."

[Master Trollda]

With Jack not being present to correct spelling or grammar, allow me.

"Thinking that was of mine on the matter."

Even Yoda wouldn’t be that confusing.

[Laser]

Is there anything special we can prepare for Beltane?