Davey and Goliath

[Jackstar]

A hoo hum episode.

The wig really was a clever strategy, but tactically, it was no cunning stunt.

It had its good points - Golaith got humiliated with that Peter Tork wig. So that's cool.

Introducing: Surely “Armpit” Temple in her first *oh shit oh fuck they saw me star ring roll*. (Least she has rings that she almost certainly didn't steal.)

[Jackstar]

has begun to walk around again instead of fucking hovering.

Well I got to hand it to him that is an innovative way to get above 6 ft tall that I never thought of because I actually am 6 ft tall I don't have to fucking compensate, and then why would I? who gives a shit? 5'11-61 what's the fucking big fuck of a difference? too fucking dishes witch

[Jackstar]

Seems like he is being tutored by Jimmy in order to participate in a parade.
[...]
Jimmy is
simply barred from the parade.

Can confirm: and you got time in the future, and he got damn Time parade any God damn time invited anytime he's welcome Jimmy can go to a parade. Settled but not adjudicated slam


(*Since someone who will remain a nameless but I will list their height is under 6 ft tall made a whole bunch of fucking bullshit fucking statements about a certain person, certain people had to be allowed to give demonstrations of their prowess at certain statute ranks that have been renowned.

Long story short you all betrayed me but you didn't know me anyway so that's fine. /Grinny

Shout out to battle Angel battle kumquat referee papaya really fuck hot soup Chevy Chase and His marvelous gang of dancing frogs? Really they got back together just for me that's pretty cool okay shout outs fucking like three more of them I can't fucking remember these fucking frogs are louder than shit I want to see you people getting a lot more goddamn happy you get it?

Because we didn't sacrifice our lives last year and then go to all his shit and then fucking have her fucking go back and then me sit here with an anchor just so you can all fucking sit around and cry about how fucking terrible it is blah blah blah in public I get to pretend I hate you extra cuz it's my job to be a bigot boohoo fuck you

[Jackstar]

AND THEN they took away his METH.

Once again: that's got to hurt. And now that I've seen it, I'd hate to see it again... Go to waste, that is.

Got a badass ping on this temp’s sonar badge, says it's an elephant but that's no elephant; that's a seahorse.

I'm told a number you have questions but it'll take a while to get the stuffed rare bits out of the wood chipper input where they've been nesting for several thousand years apparently. Talk about taking the long way just to make some sawdust, wow. You know stardust is everywhere, y'all should look around a little bit more.

[Jackstar]

. Settled but not adjudicated slam

This means that somebody has to come by and go over my work and, you know: adjudicate. Not just any Jew dictator— it's got to be one that's what's the word not authorized cleared no I can't remember the word this is why I should have gone to God damn cemetery, anyway I can't adjudicate my own settlements that I've already made that wouldn't be proper and then it wouldn't fit in with T.H. Trinity, which is very important, as you know quite well.

Now I know what you're thinking, is there any way around that, and yes they're absolutely is for example God could do it real easy without even asking permission he just has to fucking do it and then I'm sure it's very complicated but not too hard for God and then I could do it but it would take weeks of preparation and that would be cool if I wanted to do a sudden jump out of the bed and fucking shoot up meth and then rate my girlfriend event but I don't think that's going to happen or wanted to happen there's no way that could happen there's just no way that would have on video right?

In any event: whatever did happen, clearly I didn't care about it because she deserved it, right? Well for one thing I honestly care.

How long is it going to take it away from him for? How much was he getting? What did he even do with it? You know these are some questions that I'm going to have to ask a qualified professional who isn't currently engaged in a never mind this is the long kanly thing, it must be I can totally smell it in the air... BLOOD VENGEANCE. Witnessed.


So, let me tell you about what it's like to be a Divinely Ordained Being: answer is no I can't tell you what it's like, you just have to experience it for yourself.

I know I have no idea to tell you how to become one either, nope no idea at all, it's not like it has nothing to do with text that's totally not bold-faced or anything, on where's my colored text go and where'd that part where oh is that what it was you thought I was right out on people or you thought I was doing something with my little thingies and I was sending messages to people that's what you thought you did and you couldn't tell and you want to ask me and I bet you had a real problem with that huh well you put my fucking shit back on cuz it's not me obviously and I just saved your asses once again and here I am in criminal myself in public

Morons

[Jackstar]

as well as K_Dubb though

I am actually on the pink cloud that he thinks he's having this week. I actually am.

Sorry that I'm skipping around so much I'm going back and forth through the post archive because somebody fucked up, and at this level when somebody fucks up they got to bring in a fucking cleaner and a Hungarian, just so the cleaner doesn't feel terrified to be left alone with.... Ugh. Don't ask. It's fucking ugly... And then hopefully, at some point, it dies. Then the real troubles begin.

Police are already involved. Did they really blame me for your vulnerability? You got some really stupid cop buddies... or at least, you had. They're clearly a whole lot smarter now I saw Jim and Bob the other day bi-located and I don't want to ever see that again but, #Respect. I tell you I sure hope I don't get caught I technicality when that guy is on duty he will fucking not be displeased to see me again hahah a and I will not have any doubts about what I'm in for if I'm in that position again. Thanks for doing my laundry that's cool, 7:55 out

[Jackstar]

the star.  The thing is that
he has no help and can't do it alone.

He has help. He's just not going to do the thing that he's expected to do without it, not because he can't, because he won't.

Crikey Strikey. Dude. You have disappointing consonants in your transcription key. It's nothing personal it's not you it's me I'm just have a pet peeve about certain... Look I'm not complaining but you get that I don't want to be here today anyway right I mean it's not Sunday but still I'm kind of getting tired of all the rotten tomatoes and tomorrow morning if my dick hasn't turned into a carrot by then, I'm going to start just eating these rabbits raw instead of sacrificing them every night, like somebody else is totally doing, Menomonie.

I'd actually is more comfortable in here for a couple of reasons, not the least of which is the way nobody ever ever tells me to come out of it cuz there's nobody else fucking here, imagine that, oh yeah what's that like? Well, maybe the next guy who can rescue you from Certain Doom will fucking settle for that fucking story, this one's on the house, bye

[Jackstar]

I have noted its contents and promise a full reply within 20 years. Or 25

If you noted its contents Properly and failed to advise me of that, it's more than 25 days in the cooler, Hogan Crane.


Let me see how much I can convey to you how bored I am of all this bullshit: at this point, you can just have them both, and then when I go snap to Quantum, they'll both wake up and rip your lungs out. But, get this: I won't actually snap to Quantum (what does that even mean? sounds pretty but it's probably just a thinly-veiled insult to you), what I will do is fucking just get on with my fucking -real- life and I'm sorry you fucked things up here so badly! However, I'm the insulated one, and you're the cowardly janitor who one day, dreams of being a real librarian.

I don't think it worked. I still want to puke on your chest... the hard way. Must remember to Google ways to subtly declare a complete domination without making it at all obvious that it has already been established quite some time ago.


P.S.: Yeah, not only did I sell out my own sperm, I set up a loop to steal it back and cinder it before use. What part of "no breeding" was lost on you? Oh, right, the part where a Hungarian possesses bodily autonomy. Ask around. It's a thing.

p.p.s.: yeah, we tried a wall at first, but... not just any sperm: Hungarian sperm. You wouldn't think that they would jump that high, but that's just because they don't want to have to pay the toll in front of you for jumping that high.



p.p.p.s.: Uh-huh. Well, too bad you missed him, because He just dropped a rite that he wrote and said He had to leave, right? Aweigh. (/flex)

[K_Blubb]

I am well Annie. Not as well as K_Dubb though.  Here it was thought he had croaked but turns out he was on a good feed.  WTF happened? Jesus.

It's that fat Filipina I married one blissful raucous mask-free night last year when they finally let us outside, when I was feeling young and dumb and full of protective antibodies from my sixth booster in a row.  Shoved me full of lumpia and dinuguan and baloongbobilbok and I swelled to the terrible size you see 

(thank you for a new D&G!!!)

[Jackstar]

I swelled to the terrible size you see 

I don't see, and the only thing that would be 'terrible' is if that had actually worked. Plainly it has not. "Worked," that is. Hang on, The Olympic just re-floated itself.

(thank you for a new D&G!!!)

I just did (blank) for the -first- time THIS WEEK. Probably never again, haha, look at me opening my mouth on the Internet, however, this is actually called for. I can explain:

They thought the new stuff would kill me and allow them to possess my corpus, and it did not. Also, my friends saved my life, sorta, but they did it the only way they knew how and it mostly worked. I can only explain that by revealing something else and that seems... oh, unwise at this time. So, later.




A courtesy of a reply from you is neither encouraged nor discouraged but you will notice that I have arranged all this, just to tell you this news. And note: you got the -real- news. Isn't that interesting? Also, the other one just got fired, so I think the OG-Twit is coming back.

I am really not sure about some of the timings here but it's not as though that hasn't been said about me before. Semper 22 mud hut huts

[Jackstar]

Shoved me full of lumpia and dinuguan and baloongbobilbok and I swelled to the terrible size you see

Consider the power of finding a single person who loves you as much as you love yourself, and then think how happy you will be and then realize that you'll then love yourself more in that instant (another milestone goal completed! Time for another statue!) and then that person will no longer measure up and you'll be forever unhappy. (Try playing Chess with some of your statues, I bet you have plenty.)

It's an older spiritual trap, whomsoever, but it tends to work fabulously on people who share some of your characteristics a lot.


BTW: GOLIATHAN WANTS TO KNOW WHY YOU NEVER GAVE HER THE STABILITY BEFORE TO DO WHAT SHE JUST DID, AND, since she doesn't know, obviously no one told her, I decided to just put her back in her bottle before she turned into a puddle of goo, she was about done anyway.

I'm famous in certain circles for having me to packed with certain... Sovereign entity groups, let's say that I would never bottle them, and I haven't and I wouldn't.

I never promised I wouldn't bottle some fucking idiot little girl who wrote the wrong book at the wrong time and got herself a prison sentence in fucking Hell. Wow, guess how important it was that I got to restrain you against her? Yeah that's right it wasn't important at all. Someone else just wanted that to be a thing so they could be coercive/extortionary for future leverage in JAIL without ever fucking telling me.

YOU KNOW THAT PERSON WHO NO LONGER EXIST ANYMORE I'M STILL NOT ALLOWED TO CONTACT, SHE REALLY MADE A LOT OF ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT HER FUTURE LIKE SHE WOULD ALWAYS BE THE SAME PERSON, SHE WOULD ALWAYS HAVE MY EAR, AND IT WOULD ALWAYS BE A GOOD IDEA TO BAR HERSELF FROM GETTING ANY ALLIES.

ALL ALLIES ARE ONE? NOT A FUCKING CHANCE. I'M TAKING THIS ONE. WHY NOT SHE'S NICE FUCK YOU.

WELL, SHE'LL BE NICE TO ME. PRETTY SURE SHE'S LEARNED A LESSON THESE DAYS AND NO I'M NOT GOING TO FUCK HER I DON'T BETTER THINGS TO DO BESIDES SHE'S NOT EVEN COMING HERE SHE'S GOING TO A POCKET DIMENSION.

NO, I WON'T TEACH YOU, I WON'T EVEN TEACH HER. WOW IT'S AMAZING ALL THESE CHICKS WHO COULDN'T LEARN HOW TO PLAY BACKGAMMON SUDDENLY WANT TO LEARN ALL THESE TRICKS, AND NARY AN OLD DOG IN SIGHT. WOW.


So you're telling me I'm in demand huh? Wow, what's that like, when one doesn't even care? Click

[Walks_At_Night]

It's that fat Filipina I married one blissful raucous mask-free night last year when they finally let us outside, when I was feeling young and dumb and full of protective antibodies from my sixth booster in a row.  Shoved me full of lumpia and dinuguan and baloongbobilbok and I swelled to the terrible size you see 

(thank you for a new D&G!!!)

That's nice man. Really happy for you. Eating a small pig for breakfast everyday, driving a Chrysler minivan, mowing fescue weekly, helping Dubb Jr. with long division, watching Dancing with the Stars. Much better, is it not?

[Jackstar]

That's nice man. Really happy for you.

omfg lol, you are the fuggin' wurst, but then again, that's only in Italy. Anywhere else except Germany, I'm the wurst. It's in the regulations. I don't know what you are in Germany, but if you find out that it's something involving the meeting of rubber and glue, for God's sake, don't quit huffing the glue until you've picked the right week to stop wearing rubbers.

Much better, is it not?

Let's not get ahead of our elves. Rocky says there might be a lot more chances for them to attain the Final Glory they crave. And if I don't get this treaty on lockdown before.. aaand, it's done. Cool. Now where was I? Oh yeah, that elf. She was terrified.

I guess she had screwed up her courage to even walk into the room? Like, there's a food_slot, chambermaid, why don't you use that if you're gonna act obsequious while offering me poison, and then I realized that maybe she was afraid she was gonna break MY bone, and I looked up and made eye contact and thought, "wow, she's scared because she has no choice... and now wishes she had."

So, I'm uncertain which word I wanna start proofreading next. I'm gonna go with changing chambermaid to whore, because for one thing, she wasn't either--that was a goddam workshop elf, and I know what I am talking about, not because I'm a Divinely Ordained (And Sometimes Activated And Authorized) Being... naw, I just kinda know Santa's type. Also, I got the distinct impression that I could hear her thinking the worlds, "please don't let him find out I'm an elf please don't let him find out I'm an elf i need to be a good elf next year I need to be a good elf next year," which, look, any way you slice it, is a goddam suspiciously precise hallucination for a man incarcerated unjustly after being abducted at gunpoint by a thuggy piggy gang lead by a woman who had lied at every-single-swing-state-crux-moment, since I had very first met her. So, yeah, could be a coincidence. Probably not. And you know, pointy ears and red/white striped socks. Come on, people. These "coincidences" are nothing of the kind. Do I have to draw you a picture? Well, I can't--I don't want to make it easy for anyone to accuse me of masterminding a plot to trade the tampered jury's foreman to a guy in Vegas for a pair of 'Ludes, which, by this point, I think we can all agree, would be the only rational explanation to fully explain how someone could come up with a cover story like this.

I mean, it's gotta be made up, right? The truth is... you know, covered, right? You'll have to tell me, I've fully abandoned all hope after we entered Germany, there's no sign of My Hitler anyplace. (Just not really into elf fucking, okay? Otay? OKAY? Fuck you, you try it, I'm sticking with this bowl of cereal that traded off a guttersnipe in exchange for giving her permission to abort her pretend robot fetus.) You'd think he'd be out here, Loud & Proud, right? Yeah, I guess not.

I won't just wait. I'll drink some milk, too. No, not -chocolate- milk. Heh heh. No, I'm not gonna proofread, I'm just going to SUBMIT

Eating a small pig for breakfast everyday, driving a Chrysler minivan, mowing fescue weekly, helping Dubb Jr. with long division, watching Dancing with the Stars.

This gets the watermelon's attention.

[Jackstar]

Much better, is it not?

Debatable, but not arguable. It was certainly better at helping to explain all the women possessed by demons I keep running into at a much higher frequency than I would otherwise think reasonably likely to do, even if I am always standing in line for a taxi when they ask for help with their (blank) lessons.

(btw: shoutout to Merry Tyler Maid, who thought that urging me to eat food was a good idea, then reminded me to not forget the chips and salsa that had been brought over. Damefrau, yeah, count on it. Delish. Off so soon? Okay, your turn.)

I don't think I even need a podcast. Isn't this fine? Okay I'll just do this for the next five years without stopping and I'll look down on people while doing it too. Oh, I guess I need to join another Guild. Well, fuck that then, my wallet is full, and that's where I promised my Mommy I would always put my ID. Not JUST my ID, but, my IP, my IT, and in other words,


ABBA ABRA ADWORDS ADORBS CADAVRA AMARO YOU STOLE MY FUCKING AMARO, (PROT). SO BEYOND FAR FROM HOME, YOU CAN JUST MAKE YOURSELF AT THERE ANOTHER ABRACADABRA. AND YOUR LITTLE FUCKING DOG TOO, NO, NOT TOTO.

KRISTEN BELL. WOOF. NO, NOT THE HUMAN, THE DOG. Heh. Close. -Different- Vampire Lord. I didn't sputch -that- guy, and he's not a Vampire Lord anyway, scionic fool in plove, maybe. Seriously? You're worried? Wow, what's that like, why, did you Afterpay bounce before your hair stylist's appointment? Here take these boots to the head and hit yourself in the fucking face with them while I remind you: I didn't know until they already did, so, how about you lay off the hashtags for awhile, eh? Here, try a shadowhashtoad.

No, I don't think they're fattening, but... well, honestly, I'd love to see you try to eat even one (1) thing, ever again. G-d. Writing tree-tree & finny documents isn't all that easy. Maybe I should get high? I don't know, I don't want to, but I don't see how it could look any worse than this. Did he really try to throw himself under the bus over the Internet... and I waved him off? What the fuck is wrong with me? OH, yeah, creamy nougat center. Thus, the shields, and you know what? Maybe without them, something something no, request denied.

I'm pretty sure this a bad week to start revealing certain details of my technology and how it works. Call it a hunch. Mid-May, and there's actually 5 dump trucks of rain mega-watting down on my house. (Quite impressive, but I'm blaming the shadowdopefrogs--and you know the reason I am thinking of, Aries.)

[K_Blubb]

That's nice man. Really happy for you. Eating a small pig for breakfast everyday, driving a Chrysler minivan, mowing fescue weekly, helping Dubb Jr. with long division, watching Dancing with the Stars. Much better, is it not?

Oh yes it is far more rewarding altogether, though my pipe has been banished to the garage, I am presented with lists of chores upon waking and another when I come home from work, and there are whole weeks when her dragon of a mother visits where they gang up to screech at me and I am driven from my own house and forced to creep about under the eaves for shelter.  Just yesterday the neighbor's kid screamed "mom there's that fat man in the bushes again!" and I got my picture all over nextdoor looking sketchy as hell when all I wanted was a moment's peace.

Not to mention the disc pain from carrying around another extra person all the time, the cocktail of statins I must take regularly to keep my heart from exploding, and the massive shits that leave me groaning for hours