There is some lack in the subtext.
"She's allowed to talk to me and claims that she can't. Are you getting the picture (PROT)? I don't give a f***. I love her but after the first time running back into the fires and something that I can spend a whole lot of time on and she never loved me in the first place anyway and I really need more than some drugged out junkie on (PROT) to f****** in order to feel real love."
You're attaching so much fucking importance to love, to love for a woman who treated you like a rag.
AND WHAT THAT MAKES YOU?
What's the word that I'm looking here for ... hmmm..??
Help me out ---
Being alone aka single is not always a curse, sometimes it's an actually a huge blessing,
but you have to be emotionally strong and "spiritually sophisticated" to recognize that.
By being singe you have time to focus on God, on Jesus Christ - instead on another person.
Putting a woman (even if relationship goes great) on the highest pedestal is a huge mistake and a sin actually.
GOD, real God, Jesus Christ should be on that pedestal, not another person.
That's why people (you in this case) suffer huge emotional pains - because they put their energy,
their love towards the wrong entity.
You should reconsider if your whining about it is really productive.
Consider perhaps snapping out of it.
UNLESS YO ARE EMOTIONALLY VERY WEAK INDIVIDUAL,
THEN YOU WILL STAY IN THAT SEWER PIT - AND WILL DRINK FROM IT TILL YOU DIE.
"I have better things to do and I need to find a friend who I can deprogram ahead of time so that I won't waste my time later discovering that she was an artificial lie from the first place."
You're already planing to sabotage yourself,
why not to stay single for a while till you chill out, till you become emotionally sophisticated.
Right now you're emotionally DEFORMED.
You are already planing to mess with the head of another person,
while your head is messed up to the point of possible nervous breakdown.
STAY THE FUCK SINGLE (at least till you heal) - DON'T BE SCARED OF BEING SINGLE.
IT'S FUN ACTUALLY.
"I don't even know why I'm bothering telling you, except maybe to remind you that at one point I did care and I did ask for help and I was ignored by everyone."
The thingy is, that these 3 posts of yours today, are very different the way they are written
from many many posts that your wrote in the past.
THEY WERE FUCKING ENCRYPTED NONSENSE.
Nonsense that only you understood.
Many (myself included) were commenting and begging you to write/type more coherently.
Today you did just that.
So not that nobody was wiling to listen to you and to offer you their sincere help you,
the message was just way too encrypted and confusing.
I know that sometimes we like to goof off,
like pate who spells his name wrong on purpose, just to confuse everybody,
his real name is actually peter, not pate.
Chase that evil tribal woman away from you, she is demon possessed.
How many more proofs do you need?
ANYHOW,...I enjoyed reading your story today.
