I don't care what Any One says: this song is utterly romantic. The customary Populists’ loathing, that's to be expected—it's not the right taste to put into just Any Ol’ Teapot.
Hey, you know what? Fuck tea. I'm not even having any tea. Coffee Bang 4 lyf, yo. Why, sometimes I get out of bed and I can't even talk on the phone until I lie in the car and then drive run down to the corner store to grab one.
A couple, if there's a twofer deal. That reminds me, of some Pakistani gentleman who tried to swindle me the other day. I got to go call my bank.
This isn't a racist thing, I know he tried to swindle me because within less than 5 minutes he accused me of trying to swindle him. Like, I was going out to my car, to put the stuff that I had just botten into it—just to keep a hand free, it wasn't a heavy bag, but I'm just not allowed to use my kilt for carrying luggage anymore, it's just a Guild thing–and then I had planned to immediately come back and buy more stuff, and then on the way out— not even that, I was already 1/3 of the way to my vehicle parked across the snow and frozen-piss-covered parking lot, and this fuckin’ merchant, he actually runs right out after Me, and not to get my autograph, you dig? He said–hollered, really–“hey, you need to pay for the fish that you haven't even picked up yet! It's still cooking! But I'm gonna come out here and shout at you, because I have no idea that you're going to buy more than one bottle of very expensive wine!” What a total douchemaster. And he wasn't actually Pakistani, I just said that so you didn't think I was being anti-Semitic. And I didn't need to buy expensive wine; I just needed two get... two bottles. But I'm not just a Sourceror bourgeoisie—I'm also a connosieur. So I picked up the cheapest spell component I could find... and bought only one bottle. His planet was probably cinders by morning. I don't care. I was already sure that I would never be back there again. Fuck ‘im.
Covering all my bases here today. Signed, Tiara Totesure. That's my new secret agent code name. Does it sound gay enough? Because I'm looking for maximum “gay“ here. And, I'd go with the more commonly accepted “Tiffany,” except for two facts and two facts only: number one, I actually do wear a crown, and number two, I don't mind people mistaking me for being gay (imagine the Polaroids), but I do mind if I am mistaken for a bald, effeminate hair stylist. Or a (PROT). Mostly because it makes it exceedingly hard for me to pay for things–or to deliver them later.
And... this song delivers Royalty.
CHECKMATE.
