5mwJ

[Jackstar]

Totes busy. Be of good cheer. Also, for those of you keeping score, I can remove “get a gag order from (PROT) & (PROT)” off my bucket list.

Imagine the knock–knock jokes. Christ, I can't get anything done until this is over with, I can barely wipe my ass with both hands on a shovel, and while this ain't my first time at the rodeo, this is my first time acting as an Adjudicator.

It's a fun gig. I can see how this is how Munchausen Syndrome gets started. Can some of you out there start committing some weird Crimes Of Injured Menstrual Jurisdiction so I can have a ready excuse, justification, & legitimate Divine authority to put on these robes again? Thanks in advance—They look pretty f****** sweet on me, I'm not going to lie. It must be the hare.

That reminds me, I got to go, I got to go get my pubes waxed. Just look at my Google Calendar, obviously it sounds like I'm really busy. *click*



WE HAVE IT ALL.
WE HAVE IT NOW.
NOW GET OVER HERE AND FUCK ME FIRST—I, JACKSTAR, CRACKED YOUR CASE WHILE YOU CRACKED MY SKULL, SO FUCK YOU—AND YOUR MOTHER.

AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO. YES, THIS IS CODE. YES, THE BIRDS ARE FINE. THEY'RE CUTE EVEN. NO, I WILL NOT DROWN THEM IN THE RIVER—BUT I WILL BOIL THE F*** OUT OF THEM IN HIGH TEMP TEST PEANUT COOKING OIL, IF YOU WANT. JUST LET ME KNOW. I'M GONNA DEEP-FRY A TURKEY THIS YEAR ANYWAY.

NOT AS A THREAT—JUST FOR PRACTICE. OKAY, GOOD TALK.

SIGNED, NOT A CARPENTER. END OF LINE.

She's CONVINCED that I am hiding something from her.

Okay maybe I was hiding a little genetic mutation or something. What? How was I supposed to know that was real?

How are you?

[Jackstar]

There's a new cosmological model out there now called, “The Cellular Earth Model.” It's totes scientific.

And because of Russian troll farms, I'm not allowed to talk about it. Cue sad trombone.

Remember: YOU ASKED FOR THIS, YOU FILTHY BAJORAN SUB-CREATURES, AND NOW YOU CAN'T HAVE IT, BECAUSE REASONS.

Or maybe I'm just lazy. You know me, always procrastinating, what is it that I'm up to now, like, year 28 or something? I guess my dad was right, I'm just useless.

You have to start with the truth. The truth is the only way that we can get anywhere. Because any decision-making that is based upon lies or ignorance can't lead to a good conclusion.”

No better than a worm, really. Dragon babies? Why, I've never heard of such a thing. Now if excuse me, I got to go, I'll be in the shower materializing and dematerializing—just for practice—if anybody needs me.



They won't. *flush*

[Laser]

There's a new cosmological model out there now called, “The Cellular Earth Model.” It's totes scientific.

And because of Russian troll farms, I'm not allowed to talk about it. Cue sad trombone.

Remember: YOU ASKED FOR THIS, YOU FILTHY BAJORAN SUB-CREATURES, AND NOW YOU CAN'T HAVE IT, BECAUSE REASONS.

Or maybe I'm just lazy. You know me, always procrastinating, what is it that I'm up to now, like, year 28 or something? I guess my dad was right, I'm just useless.

No better than a worm, really. Dragon babies? Why, I've never heard of such a thing. Now if excuse me, I got to go, I'll be in the shower materializing and dematerializing—just for practice—if anybody needs me.

Are you referring to the Cellular Cosmogony of the Earth as a Concave Sphere?

We start our series of etexts of alternative theories of the shape of the earth with this masterpiece of pseudoscience by Cyrus Teed. Why Teed was so adamant about our entire universe being inside an 'inside-out' sphere is unknown. Martin Gardner, in Fads and Fallacies, has suggested that it was based on a desire to return to the womb, and that this psychological aspect was key in recruiting new members to Teed's belief system.

Teed, born in 1839 in upstate New York, served with the Union Army, and later became a herbalist and studied alchemy. In 1869 Teed had a vision in his laboratory, in which a beautiful woman spoke to him and revealed that he was to become a messiah, and reveal the true cosmogony to the world. Teed took the name Koresh (not to be confused with David Koresh of Waco). He preached that belief in the concavity of the Earth is equivalent to godliness. He proclaimed, "All that is opposed to Koreshanity is antichrist". After touring widely preaching Koreshanity, he settled in Chicago, and started a communal society, as well as a periodical, The Flaming Sword. Koreshanity, at its height, had a few thousand followers. In the 1890s Teed founded the town of Estero, Florida, near Ft. Meyers, and declared it the coming capital of the world. His followers prepared for eight million believers to show up. Only two hundred did.

Teed wrote a book called The Immortal Manhood, in which he taught that after his death he would rise to heaven and take all of his followers with him. Alas, when he died in 1908, nothing of the sort happened. After weeks, the county health officer finally had to step in to force the colony to bury the rotting body of their leader. Teed was buried in a tomb which was later washed out to sea in a hurricane in 1921. The Flaming Sword continued to be published until 1949, although it never mentioned that Teed had died. As a matter of fact, nowhere in this book is it mentioned that the author had been dead for fourteen years when it was published.

The Cellular Cosmogony was Teed's magnum opus. Teed propounded that the surface of the earth is concave, not convex, and that the entire universe is contained within the 25,000 mile circumference of the inside-out earth. The Sun is in the exact center of the 'cosmic egg,' 4,000 miles away, and is actually a helix. However we never see this directly, only some kind of reflection of it. The Sun is dark on one side, which produces day and night. The moon is a reflection of the Earth, and Teed believed he could see outlines of the Earth's continents and seas on it! Other astronomical phenomena are essentially optical illusions. Besides geology, he also denounces the scientific method, the Copernican theory, the atomic theory, modern chemistry, conventional surveying techniques, and last but not least, optics. Truly, 'everything you know is wrong.'

Teed and his followers devoted much time and energy to practical experiments to prove the concavity of the earth. Whether there was some deception involved, or self-deception, it is difficult to tell at this late date. Their surveying methodology and the device they used to take the measurements with (the 'rectilineator') have both been called into question.

https://sacred-texts.com/earth/cc/index.htm

https://archive.org/details/cellularcosmogo01morrgoog

[Laser]

They won't. *flush*

Just use a pot of hot steaming Rubini tea, otherwise known as excrescence of Robinia pseudoacacia. Works wonders!

[Jackstar]

Just use a pot of hot steaming Rubini tea,

I have a knitted tea cozy for my teapot that I left in Belarus. EMBARGO SUSTAINED.

[Jackstar]

(Blank) is actually one of the (Blank) Fork Kids. The entire (blank) was fabricated—In other words, written—as a stage puppet show (along with many others that sound like a script held in a clique’s reserve, to be sure) in order to have this story available to swamp the Haus media with... so as to drive eyeballs away from the fake trial with the fake (Blank) who's been already lobotomized/hung, after being found guilty, at the real trial, months ago, at (Blankmo).

There are those that say this was done so that she could “get away with it,” but if you ask me, a whole lot of someone(s) didn't get away with anything, including that mouthy broad and her slimy little twerp of a partner. Who was, last I heard, some daughter, of some media mogul, and drove the twerp’s submarine. What kind of a twat could drive a submarine, anyway? Maybe I got that part wrong. Whatever.

I don't feel like talking about it though, so there won't be a new podcast from me. I'm too busy catching up with the last four episodes of Azzerae’s World.

Kid tested; Quincunx approved. Recommended.

.*7

[Asuka Langley]

Just use a pot of hot steaming Rubini tea, otherwise known as excrescence of Robinia pseudoacacia. Works wonders!

needs moar poop scissors

[Jackstar]

I am so fucking stoned.

[Jackstar]

I am so fucking stoned.

Consider this: just exactly how easy, is 1 2 3?

Step one: love to write.
Step two: write to live.
Step three: SUSPECT: BLACK MALE.

Someone hasn't thought this thing through. They really haven't. I on the other hand, knew it was going to come down to this since Officer Pott met Konstable Kettle.

And I have an eye on the other hand. Look, I know you're not happy about it, and neither am I.

But, she will be. Totes worth it. The rest of you can go limited hang-out. Me and Glenda Lim-Dul will be fine. And, ain't we a pair?

Have you asked Ted? *BANG BANG ON THE DOOR BABY*

[Jackstar]

needs moar poop scissors

I wish I had a convoluted extortion scheme that I could cut you out of, or a team that I could fire you from, or a sister I could forbid you to associate with.

I'll settle for the certain pleasure that it brings... to know that you are a coward, and I am not.

Just what is it that you think you would say that you do around here, anyway? Irish? Haggish? Haggis? I wish I had a crew of nettlebots with nothing to do. At this point I'd send them over to see what difference it would make to check you out for a tailor’s visa.

I mean, it's got to be super serious. Do the shimmy! I like that one. It's got zazz.

CONSIDER THE POWER OF A SINGLE RASPBERRY.

[Starr Mountain]

I wish I had a convoluted extortion scheme that I could cut you out of, or a team that I could fire you from, or a sister I could forbid you to associate with.

I'll settle for the certain pleasure that it brings... to know that you are a coward, and I am not.

Just what is it that you think you would say that you do around here, anyway? Irish? Haggish? Haggis? I wish I had a crew of nettlebots with nothing to do. At this point I'd send them over to see what difference it would make to check you out for a tailor’s visa.

I mean, it's got to be super serious. Do the shimmy! I like that one. It's got zazz.

CONSIDER THE POWER OF A SINGLE RASPBERRY.

Which, said power, relies on heat, humidity, and air pressure.

[Laser]

CONSIDER THE POWER OF A SINGLE RASPBERRY.

I see what you mean.

I mean, it's got to be super serious. Do the shimmy! I like that one. It's got zazz.

[Jackstar]

Today, I changed my ward robe.

[Jackstar]

Actual special guest.
Actual star.

Shooting stars come down hot.

[Jackstar]

« Last post by Jackstar on Today at PM »

And they said my jawbone collection was weird.

You might be asking yourself, how I got myself into a situation like this, and the answer is, I was (blanked). A lot.

Worth it. Not really recommended. Sorry, apparently there was some sort of Time Corps emergency—don't look at me, but apparently someone crossed the streams again.

That's too bad. Still—THE STRIKE shall endure. Pardon me, do you have any Grays for me to poop on?

They don't taste like chicken.