Letters To Future Greatfield {DO NOT OPEN WHINE BEFORE {ITS) TIME}

[Master Trollda]

No shit, Sherlock: that's why I'm taking the solstice portal out of this dump. You squares can roar at each other all you like in peace while my tulpa probably won't even need to stay behind. To do what? Clean?

I already said that I was just passing through. I'm on a mission for a particular vessel, and you're just a troll. It's your supemassive ego that has caused you to relentlessly auto-discern that I must be after one thing and one thing only. (Note that statements can be readily applied to all of your ilk on this level of reality as well.) It's fuckin' tedious, I won't mince words. Where was this desire for a one night stand in my twenties? Oh, right, no Sourcery, no oxygen, no legitimate emotional awareness because you've been burning out your dopamine reserves since before you met me... it's no surprise, really, now that I think about it, which I never did, because I assumed if I was being stalked by some witch-like disembodied being pretending to be you, the actual you must be on some other plane of reality. And heavens forfend you get caught making a statement, can't trust Jack, after all, that Special Privileges stuff is just a faerie tale. (I think it's hilarious, I got two bullshit Orders that stops 4 people. Do me a favor! Woot!)

You probably don't think about this kind of thing very much, or else you wouldn't have been surprised to discover that I eventually figured out that you and Grapefruit were ooooobviously working together, and just as obviously: neither of you figured out that I never bothered to assume I was being lied to openly and then chose to accept it.

Neither of you knew me very well. Try being honest with yourself for awhile before taking another shot at the title, you'll be all the better for it. One time she says to me, snarled, really: "You need to do your interior work, Jack!" She was pissed about something, no idea what, because it all boiled down to key foundational aspects of my personality: I can be reasoned with, but I can't be bought, and once she started to enjoy sex and drugs without me, it was fucking over for her. Not being addicted to either, she became incapable of understanding a single word I ever said.

Words like, "no," "stop," "this won't work," "you're killing me with this," seemed important to me. I think she lost her backup at the worst possible times. And she never seemed to remember that she asked me for help. Now, I don't know about you, but when I am asked to -help,- that is exactly what I fucking do.

You might have noticed--you never asked for help, you just had your (blank) do it for you. And that worked out gangbusters for me. lol.

You're going to need a bigger fag. I'll be gone soon enough and then some beta tulpa-like dude will be here in my place. I'm sure you'll remember, it'll be like it used to be, except with (HALF) the scheming. Since I don't need to preserve my crumbling edifice of power after getting my ass handed to me in Immortal Kombat. (Or whatever that d-bag called it while strutting naked around the room; don't tell me he doesn't, all real men do.) By the way, I have three layers of kinetic shielding active now: Country & Western, Mirror, and Lasagna. 'Ware your Puny selves. Not impressed so far, not likely to become so in the next 3-4 days, and since Hitler just bailed, I don't really need to wait to for my other friend to catch up--real friends know how to get my attention without leaving nine obscene voicemails per hour.

You're a sex addict and a dopeslave. You're against whatever your Controller puts you against. The irony is delish. Call me a junkie again, just for old times' sake.

I’m on the opposite side of the country from you. I’ve never met grapefruit, nor
would I want to. No offense, chief but I can do a lot better than an overweight, middle-aged alcoholic. Have fun accusing everyone of being everyone else wherever it is you’re going.

[WORTHAUGERa]

Have fun accusing everyone of being everyone else wherever it is you’re going.

Let's take a quick 5 moments to go over how quantum entanglement works. Number one: you don't even know what planet you're/your on\Moron. Oh, you call it Earth and the sky is blue and a person who looks like you and acts like a snobby real estate agent lives there at your address. Well, that description applies to at least 11,235 planets, according to the telemetry at my disposal; and your Firmament may or may not be cracked, but either way it leaks like a sieve, has for years, and I definitely heard reports over here in the last couple weeks that some "mad scientists" were launching nukes at the Firmament until they blew a crack/hole in it.

First Contact came shortly thereafter; naturally the news has been mostly supressed. (Most people really cannot handle certain implications.) Now, I don't know about your place, but my place, I don't know who lives at your address, in your state, on your continent, and I've never been there and I don't are, so the quantum waveform doesn't collapse when the streams are crossed. Like this. Hi! Am I tulpa? It doesn't really matter right now.

And the same message goes to both places, and is interpretable by both you and your sub-beings. With me so far, I (hope you are/don't really give a shit). Jesus, how did you get that superego in there? It's absolutely ginormous. It's like one of those model ships that's built inside a water cooler bottle, one tiny Jester's slave carrying the pieces in one by one, with one lone eagle to dropship the 2x4s on his kidneys in pears/Paris\pairs. Sounds inexpressibly painstaking to me, but obviously the results are worth the effort for you; look how nice it looks on you when you accuse me of accusing you of something that I didn't even know was such a big deal. (So sensitive, Trollda. Go hug.)

I can do a lot better than an overweight, middle-aged alcoholic.

Then you probably better call the one you got and tell him to stop drinking if you suddenly find yourself giving a shit so much, while I go back to work at my current job: It's my duty as well as My Sacred Honor to hurry up and not_smoke more of this not_meth, Square Britches. I'm not here for your amusement, Playthingy. *click*

[Jackstar]

I’m on the opposite side of the country from you.

This is way more information than I need to know about your second twice-removed cousin's favorite 2nd grade substitute teacher's gardener's poolboy's androgyn daughter, but thanks for making that clear, Ego/Id. Does Superego know you're hurting my feelings? Make sure to take notes, it'll want to savor the joy of whatever agony I might be experiencing while putting up with your Is/Not_Is conundrums. (Do you get paid to suffer this balderdash? Wait, no need: TMI.)

I’ve never met grapefruit

You seem pretty certain that none of the shapeshifting time-travelers that you've run into at the grocery store were ever her. Maybe you get your food/whores/shit delivered. Well, if so, I don't bring you flowers anymore; you're safe.

, nor
would I want to. No offense, chief but I can do a lot better than an overweight, middle-aged alcoholic.

No offense taken, and no offense given: sounds like you met someone else's Grapefruit. Mine's a... well, she's Quantum right now and I don't know or want to know what she's going to show up as next time anyway--or if there even is a next time. (If it helps you parse this any, know that I don't give a shit either way, given that I'm not culpable and don't carry a grudge. Plus, I'm not a snooty racist snobby bigoted misandrist, she can show up with a actual erect penis sticking out through the front of her sundress, for all I care; Hell, that would likely be a strict upgrade.) Also, if I get a chance, I'm gonna cure her alcoholism... maybe. It depends. I don't know how bent out of shape she's gonna get when I tell her that Tribal Council says we can't get married/Married/MARRIED. (One of them will be actually disappointed, since I'm an actual catch and she can't ever get me to put my geck in a noose again, as it was a one-time-only thing, this Sourceror + Unicorn in Holy Hell Hoes In (Blank). Whatever the fuck it was. It was for the First Horseman. It was a feinting manuever. That's all I know right now, I've got 10 more weeks to go. (Like you care.)) So she might have a desire to kill her relentless craving for BOTTLE! You know the one. Anyway, I suggested she do something about that, FIVE YEARS AGO, and she said this:

"BUTT OUT JACK!!!" As you know, I live to serve. I hear she had fun storming the castle. It didn't take a miracle to bring her back; she was built to come back from the deadlands. (Navy standards.)

Have fun accusing everyone of being everyone else wherever it is you’re going.

No. I actually know how to use English correctly, (Supermassive Ego + Blanky_as_an_afterthought). Yeesh. You know, I'm not the one who told you that I hoped you'd never meet her, you dig? I'd ask you to lighten up, but I'm legit fearful you'd reflexively blow an actual gasket as an immediate action with no saving throw.

And I am tryna be nice. Nice? I hear it got nuked a couple times. The French didn't care for the mindwipe very much, I gather; I think they didn't like being robbed/cheated of the memories of yet another surrender... and, Sacre Blue! Deus (2)? Deus surrendere??? They probably wanted to invite a new cheese to mark the occasion.

[Jackstar]

I can do a lot better than an overweight, middle-aged alcoholic.

Oh and I heard that Miller has... well, I don't wanna be crass, or liable, so... but that's what I heard. Awwww shucks.

I also am pleased to hear that you are clearly fully confident that you're good enough, you're smart enough, and even if people do or don't like you, you can do better than what I would have been if I had stayed home and never got Activated. Third time's the charm. You know, this is a very surreal experience for me, do you have any inkling of that? Do you... appreciate what a gift this experience is for me? I know you don't see it as a gift, omg, it's like keeping an ant farm under glass and suddenly the Queen Ant starts hollering at you to take out the trash in the screeching dulcet tones of Auntie Em.


"OI! OI! YOU THERE, RAGGEDY MAN/ANDY/ANTIMATTER CONTAINMENT MANNEQUIN! WELCOME TO THUNDEROME, WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER HERO THOUGH, YOU IN THE JACKET, YOU, YOU, JACK, YES YOU, DON'T JUST STAND THERE
GET THE FUCK OUT YOU'RE NOT INVITED."  (By the way I still think your lodge Master is a rude cunt. Yeah, I said it. So there.)

[Jackstar]

wherever it is you’re going.

Home. (I was born there.) There's an Abo there with a vessel shaped like a Coca-Cola bottle. I shit you not. My hand to God. And according to the telemetry at my disposal, I have no way of knowing which of the three/Three\tree of you might have been as well, and I don't overly care if I were to happen to find one (1) of you there, as that's not what I'm going Home for; but if I do encounter whatever passes for your "flesh" there, I'm just hoping you won't be so fuckin' fragile. Anxiety-wise, I'm saying. (On my latest planet, they have pills for that kind of thing. Did you take all the ones that they had ever made where you are? So grabby. So needy. So GIMME THE BAG NOW GO TO JAIL. PERFECT BIRTHDAY HIGH SCORE, LIFE PATH GOAL COMPLETE.) What have you been doing for the last 30 years, replacing your nervous system with actual spun glass fibers? Probably, that sounds like something you would do and chalk it up to something I did. Pfftt. You must be a real blast at parties with incredibly tight security. Did you get circumcised yet? I do NOT recommend it, and I think your Superego should probably get used to the idea that some things are not necessary for it to get all grabby over. Yeesh.

[Laser]

I prefer public humiliation to extermination. (Daleks hate him!!!) There was a whole bunch here before when the witches were teleporting in, it was nuts, and one is still remaining. I think it's perhaps a friend, but I don't know how to change a rat back into a witch... besides maybe this one isn't a witch, maybe it's Heather Evans — currently my favorite Heather, I'll have you know. It could be dragon lord hiding out, I don't really know or fucking care, just ask yourself do I look like a man who gives a shit about such things? no I don't. I look like a man who doesn't give a shit at all.

I have considered doing a cleanse of black magic on me though... Just in case something has been erected around my shielding. It could happen. Then again life is already easy mode, so what's wrong with a little challenge? Maybe somebody thinks they've got the upper hand.

I've got the Most High highest hand, but once again I really don't want to boast. I prefer to praise. Too bad Hitler left at the full moon portal over the weekend. See you next time, Baby.

Put on your kilt and lather up, kid. You're in for a fight.

[WORTHAUGERa]

Put on your kilt and lather up, kid. You're in for a fight.

I'm a high vibrational teacher & a qualified registered and raised legitimately Referee. Also I got invisible alien life forms here.

To say that I am stoked is the understatement of the century. Probably not going to wear the kilt though, it's cold.

[Master Trollda]

I'm a high vibrational teacher & a qualified registered and raised legitimately Referee. Also I got invisible alien life forms here.

To say that I am stoked is the understatement of the century. Probably not going to wear the kilt though, it's cold.

[Jackstar]

I am aware of the immense irony that comes along with Mike Kuczi being A Prophet Risen to Save Mankind. I try not to let it go to my head; it's really a thankless, intense job that no one else really wants to do, but loving (Blanky) and servicing Life's Special Needs are really what I was built and born and bred to do.

I am endlessly amused by this. Fortunately I made sure to be the kind of Clergy that still gets to consume his own essence, because: Standards. (I like it better than grape juice and saltines, honestly. It's not a -fetish.- It's a discipline.) I don't get what other people do with it. Like, what, in the garbage? Or the toilet? Where poop goes? WTAF? How rude and wasteful!! Even if it didn't have chi-magick power in it! (totally does)

[Master Trollda]

I am aware of the immense irony that comes along with Mike Kuczi being A Prophet Risen to Save Mankind. I try not to let it go to my head; it's really a thankless, intense job that no one else really wants to do, but loving (Blanky) and servicing Life's Special Needs are really what I was built and born and bred to do.

I am endlessly amused by this. Fortunately I made sure to be the kind of Clergy that still gets to consume his own essence, because: Standards. (I like it better than grape juice and saltines, honestly. It's not a -fetish.- It's a discipline.) I don't get what other people do with it. Like, what, in the garbage? Or the toilet? Where poop goes? WTAF? How rude and wasteful!! Even if it didn't have chi-magick power in it! (totally does)

Apparently, you couldn’t even save your own house. How are you going to save mankind?! By accusing everyone of being everyone else?

[Jackstar]

Apparently, you couldn’t even save your own house.

I'm standing in it. It's not bad. I am open to re-assessment, in fact I insist. The LFP house was a sacrifice; I really never wanna see it again, but I'm not afraid or ashamed of it. (So fucking haunted.) So... apparently, you've been misinformed. I'm standing in my farmhouse on 4.1 acres with my name on it. I don't think anyone is gonna be taking it... except you, and as it's gonna come with me. Hey, that reminds me. Do you need money? I have some Krugerrands (not really) and... whatever. (Really.)

How are you going to save mankind?!

Well, first things first: save the woman with the very comfortable looking shoes who took me to Green Lake to show them off, and then make the feet -actually- comfortable, and then eventually, I expect the kind man within me will be able to think clearly. (I am deeply traumatized beyond words to describe.) Also, I think I did save it already by completing The Great Work. (/blush) Seems that it was a big deal. Also I might have a starship waiting for me if it isn't getting stolen by DT. (I do like her. Whose?)

By accusing everyone of being everyone else?

I could never accuse you of being Mr. Plumb. You argue too much like a girl to ever be mistaken for him. So, that's one down. You might pass for Jerry Matchett in the right color light with a few drinks in me, though.

[Master Trollda]

I'm standing in it. It's not bad. I am open to re-assessment, in fact I insist. The LFP house was a sacrifice; I really never wanna see it again, but I'm not afraid or ashamed of it. (So fucking haunted.) So... apparently, you've been misinformed. I'm standing in my farmhouse on 4.1 acres with my name on it. I don't think anyone is gonna be taking it... except you, and as it's gonna come with me. Hey, that reminds me. Do you need money? I have some Krugerrands (not really) and... whatever. (Really.)
Well, first things first: save the woman with the very comfortable looking shoes who took me to Green Lake to show them off, and then make the feet -actually- comfortable, and then eventually, I expect the kind man within me will be able to think clearly. (I am deeply traumatized beyond words to describe.) Also, I think I did save it already by completing The Great Work. (/blush) Seems that it was a big deal. Also I might have a starship waiting for me if it isn't getting stolen by DT. (I do like her. Whose?)


I could never accuse you of being Mr. Plumb. You argue too much like a girl to ever be mistaken for him. So, that's one down. You might pass for Jerry Matchett in the right color light with a few drinks in me, though.

Yeah, give me money. I dare you!

[Jackstar]

Yeah, give me money. I dare you!

I've got a formerly cursed $100 bill from The Bahamas/Bermuda/Jamaica. Guess right and... well, let's put it this way. I earned by saving a Jesuit Scholar's life from his own goddam foolishness. Want it? Boom, it's yours.

No really. I need to ear your voice though. This is crucial. Because male brains imprint that way, I can assure you, and your voicemail greeting makes my vision blur and my knees buckle and I get -literally fucking dizzy.- Every word of this is true.


MOAR

[Master Trollda]

I've got a formerly cursed $100 bill from The Bahamas/Bermuda/Jamaica. Guess right and... well, let's put it this way. I earned by saving a Jesuit Scholar's life from his own goddam foolishness. Want it? Boom, it's yours.

No really. I need to ear your voice though. This is crucial. Because male brains imprint that way, I can assure you, and your voicemail greeting makes my vision blur and my knees buckle and I get -literally fucking dizzy.- Every word of this is true.


MOAR

Pass. You should send that bill to Noory though. He can use it to pay to have some evil babies aborted.

[Jackstar]

Pass. You should send that bill to Noory though. He can use it to pay to have some evil babies aborted.

206 362 5256

And, with that... Bellgab fini.