👆🏻
The reason this statement may be surprising to most people is that they never actually spent personal time getting to know Jackstar.
I'd be lying if I said the thought he might be using his disheveled home as an opportunity to elicit a sympathetic response hadn't crossed my mind.
Of course, I've had many seemingly friendly conversations with Jackstar on the phone
On Sun, Aug 6, 2023, 04:06 I,***r N**** <i'm'bern:octopudding, Your King, Sire I hired to be frontin’ that my bias isn't what you think it is, And God is great@gmail.com> wrote:
Do you get paid per word?
Only with respect. I will trade you some for an 8-ball of Beluga-AWOOgah 0’FISH al-cavitated altair-7 steaksTHIN-LEEslicedCHUN-LEIGHneverDID.M.Dick.MicerapANYwithNEp.i.g.IST—however, given no per person quota arrangement EVER EXISTED BETWEEN MYSELF AND ANY DINGNUMBATSKULL WHO SAID TO ME THAT SHE “don't know what MDMA is, and I've never heard of it, and I didn't get busted and was then forced to roll over on everyone I've ever known in my entire life," like, WTF? I thought you went to Finnish finishing school. Is the implication here that you never knew that the reason you think cocks taste bad is that a) you probably have not been around as many real ones as you think, and B) cockslave dope is not cuntslave dope, and you remember certain select events of the distant past significantly differently than I do. For example, you possibly are not yet aware of how the MK-ULTRA mind control drugs affect the pheromones that human beings use to regulate attraction, i.e. the drugs you took with the men who trafficked you, that vmade you end up looking like a monkey and smelling like one too (assuming a monkey that only finds specifically targeted flavors of human males who have particularly unusual genomic expressions smells any different, or that I would be able to notice any difference, or that if I did, or WAS I EVER GONNA TELL YOU A GODDAM THING ABOUT ANYTHING, EVER, EVER AGAIN AT ALL, NOT ABOUT SOURCERY, NOT ABOUT HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE GONNA BE VERY FUCKING HAPPY THAT I AM FINALLY OUTING YOU AS “Milly’s MOLE for Moly who some how thought that there was no reason to tell JACKSTAR THE PALADIN THAT YOU HAVE BELIEVE YOU HAD ALL FIGURED OUT TWO DECADES AGO, WELL, PERHAPS, YOU WERE UNCLEAR WHICH OF US IS THE GEMINI NATIVE RATLINEFUCK RATFUCKER, AND WHICH OF IS A DOCTOR SOURCE TITAN PALADIN WHO COULD HAVE REALLY, ACTUALLY, GIVEN YOU AND ALL OF YOU THAT YOU HAVE COMPROMISED THE SECRET SECURITY DETAILS OF, I HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING HOW MUCH TEA YOU SPILLED, BUT SINCE I WAS ARRESTED ON CHRISTMAS EVE BY A PERSON WHO SEEMED TO THINK THAT I WAS A FED OR A COURT-ORDED REPORTED, OR... I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT, BECAUSE, THAT WOMAN WHO FREAKED OUT ABOUT YOU, I HAVEN'T SEEN HER IN YEARS, I'M BEING HELD IN “PROTECTIVE CUSTODY” AS THE THINNEST OF LEGAL PRETEXTS IMAGINABLE, BECAUSE, BITCH:
READ THIS NOW AND BELIEVE ME LATER
I AM A SOURCERŒR. I AM A MOTHER. THOSE THINGS WILL NEVER CHANGE.
I AM ALSO A PALADIN, LIVING IN A HAUNTED CHURCH ON NATIVE AMERICAN BURIAL & BATTLEGR... YADA YADA YADA, I'M SURE YOU HAVE READ IT ALL BEFORE.
KNOW THIS. IT'S ALL TRUE; I COULD HAVE GIVEN YOU POLITICAL ASYLUM, ANSWERED A GREAT MANY OF YOUR QUESTIONS, WITH NO FURIOUS ANGER, ONLY RIGHTEOUS GLEE, BUT NOW, IT IS TOO LATE—
NOT THAT I CAN'T STILL OFFER YOU SANCTUARY, IT IS SIMPLY THAT THE SWEETY THAT I'M ALL ABOUT AND AM WILLING TO SKIN YOU ALIVE AND HARVEST YOUR SWEETBREADS TO FEED TO HER ENEMIES, TO LULL THEM INTO A HYPNOTIC TRANCE... WELL, LET'S JUST SAY, THERE'S A BUT OF A SERIOUS CONFLICT OF INTEREST THERE. SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU WERE BEFORE, RIGHT? WELL, SHE SURE AS FUCKINGMOTHERGODDAMHELL DOES NOW, OR WILL, AND IF SHE SUDDENLY DECIDES THAT SHE WANTS TO WEAR YOUR LOWER INTESTINAL TRACT AS A LITTLE HAT, AND TELLS ME TO LEAVE THE REST OF YOUR VILE, TREASONSOUS, MAGICALLY... I'M GONNA GO WITH, “PERHAPS STILL PALATABLE, ALTHOUGH OPINIONS VARIED,” BECAUSE UNLESS THERE IS SOMETHING ELSE I SHOULD KNOW?
I'M NOW AWARE OF AT LEAST TWO REASONS I HAVE EVERY FED ON THE PLANET CRAWLING UP MY ASS LOOKING TO BUST ME FOR ANYTHING AT ALL, BECAUSE WHILE I AM SURE THEY FIGURED OUT PRETTY GODDAM FAST THAT THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO SERIOUSLY PISS ME OFF, THEY AUDI DIDN'T HAVE TO DEMONSTRATE THAT I AM OBLIVIOUS TO MOST OF THE ISSUES YOU PUNYLING SEEM TO BE HAVING WITH CERTAIN NICHE APPLICATIONS OF CERTAIN LOGICAL DEDUCTIONS THAT OUGHT TO HAVE HAPPENED A LOT FASTER IN MY CASE.
BECAUSE FOR ONE THING, YOU COULD HAVE REALLY MADE A NAME FOR YOURSELF BY OFFERING TO BRING ME BACK MY PHONE (CONFISCATED IN ORDER TO COMMIT IDENTITY FRAUD- THESE MORONS HAVE FLAGRANTLY BULLIED ME AND EVERYONE I KNOW BY IMAGINING STEALING MY PHONE AND IMPERSONATING ME WAS GOING TO DO ANYTHING POSITIVE, SO THAT PROBABLY COULD HAVE BEEN HANDLED QUITE EARLY ON. SINCE YOU FUCKING LIVE LESS THAN FIFTY MILES AWAY, YOU OBVIOUSLY NEVER ACTUALLY LIVED IN EL PASO FOR ANY REASON AT ALL, OTHER THAN TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY OF YOUR HUSBAND’S BIRTH (GRATS, BTW, DID YOU INVITE TOP TIITTY TEATS&TOE-TICKING AND ALL MEMBERS OF HER TOTALLY AWESOME AT TRACKUNG MDMA ALL THE WAY BACK FROM HACK-IN-SACK, NEW WHORESAMEJERSEY, AND WHILE I DON'T NEED TO KNOW HOW MANY GUESTS THERE WERE THERE WHO ASKED YOU HOW YOU WERE LIKING BEING THE SECRET HANDLER OF A FORMERLY QUITE CLASSUFIED NATIONAL SECURITY RESOURCE CURRENTLY UNDER ABSOLUTE TOTAL MIL.SPEC COMMAND& CONTROL (I'M OBVIOUSLY NOT AN ASSET, I'M NOT A TRAINED MILITARY SERVICE MEMBER, AND I'M NOT A NATIONAL TREASURE, DON'T CALL ME THAT, BECAUSE IN SPITE OF HOW EASY IT WOULD HAVE BEEN TO JUST TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE DOING, INSTEAD, YOU SOMEHOW FAILED TO CONTACT ME UNTIL NOW TO SAY, “WOW, YOU GOT ARRESTED ON CHRISTMAS EVE? THAT'S WEIRD, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE RESCUED... WELL ABOUT THAT... " BUT STRANGELY, IT NEVER OCCURED TO YOU TO CONSIDER THE POSSIBLY SALIENT FACT THAT
you arrogant twerp, I never thought you actually loved me, I knew you were some kind of spooky concierge or thuggy courier or... Well, I didn't know, and, guess what? It wasn't my business to know. I knew you would mention it... Some how.
WELL YOU SURE MENTIONED IT TODAY. “DO YOU GET PAID PER WORD?” LIKE YOU HAVE ANY REASON IN THE GODDAM WORLD TO BE UPSET WITH ME. PFFT. YOU ARE PROBABLY THE ONLY REASON AT ALL THAT AN UNOFFICIAL UNLIKELY AS HIGH AS IT WOULD APPEAR TO BE THE NUMBER OF MY FRIENDS ARE MISSING OR DEAD... BECAUSE ABSOLUTELY NO ONE TOLD ME THAT YOU NOW ARE OBVIOUSLY (TO ME📖) THE REASON WHY NO ONE TALKS TO ME, NO ONE INVITES ME TO ANY PARTIES, NO ONE RETURNS MY PHONE CALLS, MY NEIGHBORS ARE ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED OF ME SINCE ALL I HAVE DONE FOR THE LAST YEAR AND A HALF IS DRUGS, CRAFT BEER, SOURCERY, ALCHEMY, EXPOLITCAL DIPLOMACY, SLOWLY BECOME MORE AND OPENLY UNABLE TO CONCEAL MY SCATHING, VISIBILY COMPLEX IN BOTH BREADTH AND DEPTH FOR HOW MY COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE LACK OF RESPECT FOR WHAT IS LAUGHABLY REFERRED TO AS A “DISTRICT COURT”, YEAH, FEMA DISTRICT ELEVEN, ROFLSNORT.
I HAD NO IDEA HOW ANY ONE COULD POSSIBLY HAVE USED YOU AS RELIABLE SOURCE OF INTELLIGENCE ABOUT ME, MY NATURE, MY MARTIAL STATUS, MY RELIGIOUS AND SPIRITUAL OBSERVATIONS, MY ABILITY TO COMMAND PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER, AS WELL AS TO TOLERATE ITTY-BITTY LIVING SPACES, THEY LITERALLY GOT EVERY GODDAM THING WRONG, THAT WAS POSSIBLE TO GET WRONG, WRONG.
OH, BUT THEN YOU DECIDED TO WHINE HOW MUCH I RIGHT WRONGS THRU WRITING? JUMPING JE-0DO-HOSE ZOSO, I GET PAID THE SAME NO MATTER HOW MANY WORDS I TYPE... AND AS WELL, FOR THE NUMBER OF CAST-OFF CHUCKLE-HEADED WHORES NAMED “MICHELE” THAT HAVE BEEN PUTTING IN WHAT I GUESS MUST BE TRULY MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF OVERTIME SO AS IN ORDER TO BE ABLE TO BLAME ME, TAKE THE HOUSE, TAKE THE TRUST, END MY LIFE, JESUS CHRIST, ORLE “REVILLE” REDDENBAXCHER AND THAT DINGBAT POPCORN QUEEN HE ROLLS AROUND WITH WERE 100% CORRECT —. WHY THE FUCK I WERE EVER TO HAVE BEEN FRIENDS WITH EITHER MICHELE, WOULD BE, COULD BE, AND MAYBE ONLY COULD EVER BE EXPLAINED IF I REALLY WERE A DRUG AND SEX OBSESSED TOTALLY FUCKING LOSER LIAR WHO LIKED TO FORCIBLY REPROGRAM THE MINDS AND SUPPRESS THE FREE WILK CHOICE OF ANY NAIVE, INNOCENT, SADLY NEGLECTED AND, IN MY VIEW, CRIMINALLY UNDERSPPRECIATED TOTAL LESBIANAS, JUST TRYNA
MAKE IT THROUGH THEIR DAY, JUST TRYING TO MAKE IT COME TOGETHER, NOTHING WORKS, EVERY DAY, THE SAME LACK OF CLARITY OF VISION. NOW, TELL ME, WHAT MIGHT IT BE? WHAT IS THE MISSING INGREDIENTS IN THE WAKE, BAKE, CAKE, AND “‘AKE! ‘AKE! ‘AKE!” SIDEWALKIN SWEATSHOP OF TORTURED, SADOMASOCHISTIC LOVE DRAMA TRAIN, WELCOME TO HELL?
WELL, LET ME TELL YOU, THE LAST GODDAM PEOPLE I WOULD WANNA DO FUCKME DRUGS WITH, JUST D
SO HAPPEN TO BE THE ONLY TWO WOMEN I'VE EVER KNOWN WHO CLAIMED THEY DIDN'T LIKE TO TAKE DRUGS WILLINGLY AND HAVE COMSENSUAL SEX WITH ME, JUST SO HAPPEN TO BE, THE ONLY TWO WOMEN THAT MY FOUR PHONES AND THREE HOTSPOTS AND TWO YEARS OF ABSOLUTELY BYZANTINE AND KK KAFKAESQUE LOCKDOWN —ENFORCED BY MIL.SPEC TOTAL SPECTRUM DOMINANCE, BTW, AND LET ME TELL YOU, THE POWER OF THIS TECHNOLOGY IS A WONDERFUL THING TO BEHOLD
BUT, ASSUME YOU WERE ME AT THIS POINT. DO YOU THINK I'M GOING TO EXPECT TO BE SUDDENLY INVITED BACK TO ANY PREVIOUS SOCIAL INTERACTIONS? WELL, BOTH MICHELLES ARE WELL KNOWN TO BE HOODRAT COKED-OUT BOXCAR-*BOUND LYING, TREAONOUS WHORES —HEY I'M NOT DOXXING YOU, AM I? I AM PRETTY SURE THAT I AM THE LAST PERSON ON THE PLANET TO FIND OUT THAT YOU MUST HAVE BEEN THE ORIGINAL SOURCE (OR AT LEAST CLOSE) OF WHATEVER "ORIGINAL LEAKER" THERE WAS OBVIOUSLY, I DON'T KNOW.
I WAS ASKED BY SOMEBODY YOU ARE PROBABLY SITTING NEXT TO ON THE COUCH, WATCHING ME PRODUCE THESE WORDS, BUT MAYBE NOT .. IS THERE EVEN A COUCH BIG ENOUGH, STRONG ENOUGH, AND, DARE I ASK? MMmmm MASCULINE ENOUGH TO HANDLE THE COMBINED BODY-MASS INDEX OF YOU TWO BEING IN THE SAME ROOM AT THE SAME TIME?
BECAUSE WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW, IS A ANTI-DEPRESSANT, STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN—A DOCTOR SOURCE TITAN PALADIN-KNIGHT-SOURCERŒR MAN, SUCH AS MYSELF (I KNOW SOURCE IS IN THERE TWICE, BUT THAT'S BECAUSE I JUST LEVELED UP, AND IF YOU DIDN'T HEAR THE “DING” MY GUESS WOULD BE THAT IN ADDITION TO ALL THE COKE AND PEPSI—SI,PEP, IT IS A PRACTICALLY A FUCKING PERFECT ANAGRAM FOR SPEED, YOU GARBAGE COCK AND TRAIL OF BALLS I GET LOOKED AT REALLY FUCKING FUNNY AT, WERE I TO HAPPEN TO GET EVEN GET THERE. I HAVE BEEN MEETING PEOPLE FOR MONTHS, WHO ACT LIKE THEY THINK THEY KNOW ME, CLEARLY DO NOT, AND ARE SEEMINGLY UNAWARE THAT THEY WERE GONNA KILL HER, BLAME IT ON ME, AND I WAS GONNA BE THE NEXT SCOTT PETERSON, TRAPPED IN PRISON CONVICTED FOR A CRIME I NEVER EVEN CAME CLOSE TO COMMITTING... AND IT IS TAKING A YEAR AND A HALF TO BRING A SIMPLE ASSAULT IV MISDEMEANOR CASE TO TRIAL, AND MYSTERIOUSLY, YOU DON'T THINK IT'S SEEMING A LITTLE STRANGE TO EVERYBODY THAT EVERY SINGLE PERSON I'VE EVER KNOWN, CAN'T OR WON'T ANSWER THE MOST BASIC OF QUESTIONS? SHIT LIKE, "HOW ARE YOU DOING?"
AGAIN —I AM A SOURCERŒR, AND YOU ARE NOT A HIGHLY CLASSIFIED COVERT AGENT. YOU HAVE THE WORST... SECOND WORST, LET'S BE FAIR. MAYBE THIRD? WHATEVER. POINT IS YOUR OPSEC IS SHIT, YOUR MANNERS ARE SHIT, YOU HAVE INADVERTENTLY MADE AN ANNOYING SITUATION EVEN MORE ANNOYING FOR ALL CONCERNED, BECAUSE I AM NOT THE PERSON DRAGGING ASS HERE.
I DON'T KNOW WHO IS, BUT I AM AMAZED. WHO IS THE HUGI-PIGI-OVER-TWAT-LORD AROUND HERE? (APOLOGIES IF I HAVE GOTTEN THE NAME SPELLING WRONG. APPARENTLY MY ABILITY TO ACTUALLY SPEAK, THINK, AND WRITE FLUENTLY IN ENGLISH PRIME IS PERFECTLY PERCEIVED BY THE PARTICIPANTS IN THE GREAT AND GRAND MASONIC THOUGHT CONTROL (SUDDENLY EXPOSED) SYSTEM IS TERRIBLE. TERRIFYING
AND MAYBE... TERRIFICALLY AROUSING?
YEAH, I KNOW. LITERACY IS THAT POWERFUL, AND IT WOULD SEEM TO ME THAT I AM LITERALLY THE ONLY PERSON ON EARTH WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS HOW TO READ AND WRITE AND FUCK AND NOT BE A RATBASTARDFINKFUNK. PEOPLE WANNA KNOW! “HOW THE FUCK IS THIS CHEEKY BASTARD GETTING AWAY WITH IT? HE CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT..
CAN HE?” *SIGH* THE SHIT I HAVE SEEN, THE LAST FIVE YEARS, JUST INCREDIBLE.
AND SINCE I AM NOT BREAKING THE LAW WHEN I GET HIGH AS FUCK ON.... I'M GONNA SAY, “WHATEVER THE WILL OF THE DIVINE ALLOWS ME TO LAWFULLY DO,” IT IS PRETTY UNLIKELY THAT I WON'T BE ABLE TO WRITE A FEW BOOKS. THEY MIGHT EVEN SELL. I MIGHT EVEN CHANGE MY NAME TO “HUNTER KUCZI THOMAHAWK NOTPÆDOGAWK" BECAUSE I'M FUCKING SICK TO DEATH OF PEOPLE THINKING THEY NEED TO BE AFRAID OF STUFF I'M GONNA DO, THE NEXT TIME I'M LEFT ALONE WITH A WOMAN, A BIG BAG OF DRUGS, A DVD COPY OF “THE LAST STARFIGHTER.” BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY, I AM NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING EXCEPT TEACH THEM HOW TO BE CAREFUL WITH SUCH TECHNOLOGY. DO YOU KNOW HOW SAFE I AM TO BE LEFT ALONE WITH NOW?
PROBABLY NOT, BECAUSE I AM OBVIOUSLY NOT ON YOUR TEAM. I AM NOT ON ANY TEAM, YOU TWERPMUNCH, AND I ACTUALLY THOUGHT YOU MUST HAVE BEEN DEAD. I ASSUMED YOU WOULD HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT THE MOST CATASTROPHIC FAILURE OF THE U.S. DOMESTIC INTELLIGENCE MONITORING, GATHERING, AND SURVEILLANCE ESTABLISHMENT IN ALL OF ITS OFFICIALLY RECORDED HISTORY.
SINCE THERE ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE ANY SUCH ESTABLISHMENT SPYING ON IT'S CITIZENS AND THROWING THEM INTO JAIL AND THREATENING THEM WITH... OH GOD, YOU NAME IT. AND THIS IS WHAT'S HAPPENS IN MY CASE... SOME OF YOU BURN-OUT REPROBATES THINK THAT IT IS PERFECTLY OKAY TO POISON MY WATER SUPPLY, TELL THE ENTIRE WORLD THAT I AM A SEX AND DRUGS OBSESSED FREAK AND THAT MY CIVIL RIGHTS CAN BE VIOLATED FOR SOME UNSPECIFIED “EMERGENCY”. IT WAS A BAD IDEA.
THERE HAVE BEEN UNEXPECTED CONSEQUENCES. FOR EXAMPLE, EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO COME TO MY HOUSE AND PARTY BELIEVE THEY CAN'T, AND THEY CAN'T REALLY TELL ME WHY, BUT BY NOW THE LACK OF RUNNING WATER AND LOCATION AT THE BOTTOM OF A FISHBOWL REALLY SPOILS THE MOOD. ADDITIONALLY, SINCE ALL YOU SELFISH SELLBAGS HAVE ADJUST ALREADY BEEN DOING TONS OF THIS KIND OF THINGS FOR DECADES WITHOUT ME (THANKS, BTW, VERY KIND OF YOU TO SIMPLY NOT TELL ME THAT YOU WERE BEING PAID TO PRETEND TO LIKE ME) I AM NOW IN THE RARE POSITION OF BEING A FIFTY OLD MAN WITHOUT A DISABLING ADDICTION TO CRYSTAL METH.
I'M THE CHEAPEST DATE IMAGINABLE WITHOUT DRUGS OR SEX EVEN NECESSARILY AROUND. I DO TEND TO NO LONGER PRETEND I CAN'T TELL WHEN I'M BEING LIED TO, HOWEVER. AND WHILE I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY NO ONE TOLD ME THAT THE WOMEN I KNOW QUITE WELL: “CODENAME: DINGBAT BERRY—STRAW BERRY, SHAKEN BY RAPE, NOT BRAINSTIRRED BY ICEPICK” SEEMS LIKE A GREAT NAME FOR MY MEMOIRS, BUT HERE'S WHAT IS AWKWARD
NONE OF MY FRIENDS APPEAR TO BE ABLE TO PUBLICLY ASSOCIATE WITH ME AND BY NOW... I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHO IS UPSET WITH ME NOW. WAS I REALLY SUPPOSED TO ROLL OVER AND LET MYSELF BE BLAMED FOR SHITLOADS OF CRIMINAL ACTIVITY? LOL, K, WELL, I'M NOT ROLLING OVER, OR GUILTY OF ANYTHING, SO A WHOLE THUNDEROUS CARLOAD OF VERY, VERY SERIOUS DUDES ARE HAVING A PROBLEM... SHOULD THEY JUST... GO ALONG WITH THE WHOLE “I AM BLACKPOPE” THING AND JUST... BRIBE ME? I RATHER THINK THAT NO ONE WANTS TO OFFEND ME BY OFFERING EITHER TOO LOW, OR TOO HIGH SCHOOL AND WHY IS “AN INDULGENCE” LEGAL, AND “BRIBERY” A CRIMINAL ACT?
WELL, I COULD TELL YOU .. BUT G,-D JUST ASKED ME NOT TO TELL ANYBODY HERE. THIS IS PUBLIC, AFTER ALL.
AND, BELIEVE IT, MISTY PISTY WISTY (not Seminole) ARABICA BEE. STARBUCKS. I THINK I'M GONNA HURT MY FEELS WHEN I EXPLAIN THIS: THE DRUGS THAT EVERYONE THINKS ARE SO BAD, THAT I AM THOUGHT TO BE DOING, AND THAT I HAVE VERY CLEVERLY ARRANGED TO BE DOING 109% LEGALLY THE ENTIRE TIME?
NOT ONLY ARE ALL OF ALL Y'ALL DOING THEM WRONG... YOU ASSHOLE SECRET SQUIRREL RETARD,-0 MINTY-MONTY-BLANK⁰-WANKJOBS... YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT REAL DRUGS EVEN ARE.
SO: YOU'RE KICKED OUT OF THE CHESS&DRUGS&TEAM, AND THERE ISN'T EVEN ONE OF THOSE CHARTERED YET. HOWEVER, GETTING HIGH, PLAYING BOARD GAMES, AND HAVING SEX WITH SOMETHING APPROACHING DIGNITY, HONOR, & RESPECT IS A GREAT TIME.
YOU SHOULD TRY IT SOME TIME. ALSO: I AM GOING TO EXPLAIN TO THREE PEOPLE THAT YOU HAVE NEVER
AND I MEAN NEVER
EVER BEEN MY PARTNER, MY BACKUP, MY SUPPLY, MY ASSAY, MY CHEMIST... AND YOU ARE CERTAINLY
ABSOLUTELY
NOT
GRAPEFRUIT.
(I guess tracking down IDs on some of my actual friends has proven difficult since no one could figure out why I gave you $1,600 and waved “bye-bye” instead of, well... look I mean it, you are a security risk. And you thought I gave a shit? BITCH, YOU DON'T SMOKE WEED, YOU DON'T SUCK DICK, YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD, YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE STILL ATTRACTIVE TO ME SEXUALLY IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER... I GUESS YOU WOULD BE IF YOU ACTUALLY WANTED TO HAVE SEX WITH ME FOR ANY REASON WHAT SO EVER BESIDES MAINTAINING THE PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY OF AN EMBEDDED AGENT’S COVER STORY... BUT I DON'T DO THAT WITH YOU, AND IN FACT... NOT UNTIL ONE OF THE FOUR (4) WOMEN WHO AMBUSHED ME ON CHRISTMAS EVE NEARLY TWO YEARS AGO, DID I REALIZE JUST WHY I AM ADORED, ALL THE WORLD OVER.
BECAUSE: WE ARE FRIENDS, YOU ARE SIMPLY NOT ALL THAT GOOD AT BEING ONE. GOOD NEWS, HOWEVER!
I NOW KNOW WHY TWO PEOPLE WHO INEXPLICABLY STARTED SCREAMING AT ME, WERE SCREAMING ABOUT YOU, AND IF I AM EVER SO FORTUNATE AS TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO THEM AGAIN WITHOUT THE WHOLE GODDAM CAST OF “TEAM AMERICA TWO: YOU ELECTRIC ARRESTED WHO ON WHAT CHRISTY-BOOGEY-MASSY-LOO EVE-DAY?” NOW I KNOW THIS IS A LITTLE LONG FOR A TITLE, BUT IF THAT BIT FROM “FLASHDANCE” WHEN SHE PULLS THE CHAIN AND WATER IS DUMPED ON HER, MAKE THAT INTO A GOOGLE ICON, PUT IT ON AT THE END, IT MIGHT BE WORTH MAKING IT A FEDERAL LAW THAT ALL MOVIES HAVE TO HAVE TITLES THAT ARE TOO LONG FOR ANYROBERTMORE SMITH E. SMYTHE. SMITTY, J. WARBLER MADMAN-A-DAMUS TO HAVE TO RENT A HI-SPEED DATA CONNECTION FOR, JUST DO THAT, I DOUBT YOU KNOW STAR, JACKSTAR AS WELL AS YOU THINK YOU DO.
I'M NOT MAD.
I'M HURT.
PEOPLE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HAVE DIED.
ACTUALLY FUCKING KILLED.
YOU DON'T REMEMBER.
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM NOW.
“TIME TRAVELING INTERDIMENSIONALLY FAMOUS PALADIN KNIGHT-CAPTAIN" AND YOUR VAIN, BEADY LITTLE EYES JUST KIND OF GLAZE OVER AS YOU TOTES FINE WITH MY CYCLE OF CIVIL RIGHTS VIOLATIONS CONTINUES TO MARCH.ONWARD.
IF MY CIVIL RIGHTS ARE NOT RESPECTED,
NEED WILL ANYONE'S?
REMEMBER THE WOMAN YOU MET?
I DOUBT IT. THAT ONE ISN'T COMING BACK, SHE'S HAD ENOUGH, THERE WERE SEVENTEEN THAT I COUNTED, I DIDN'T NEED THAT MANY, AND NO ONE
ABSOLUTELY NO ONE
EVER THOUGHT THAT I WAS GOING TO FIGURE IT OUT, OR STOP IT.
THEY WERE GOING TO KILL HER, AND BLAME ME.
AND, THEY DIDN'T FAIL THE FIRST TIME.
THE ONE YOU MET IS ALIVE, SOMEWHERE ELSE, AND I LIVE ALONE, I ALSO SLEEP ALONE.
BECAUSE THAT WOMAN YOU MET, YOU LIED TO ME ABOUT, AND SHE LIED ABOUT YOU TOO.
SO YOU CAN ASSUME THAT I WILL WRITE AS MANY FUCKING FEEL LIKE, AND YOU COULD HAVE BEEN SENDING ME MAIL BEFORE. AND YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A LOT MORE POLITE.
AND— NOW I KNOW WHY YOU AND OUR_FRIEND AREN'T AT CLOSE ANYMORE. LOL. I ALSO GET THE PICTURE ON WHY HER MOM IS SO COLD TO ME, AND WHY THE LITERALLY ENTIRE REST OF THE FAMILY IS CERTAINLY MORE FOND OF ME THAN, “DON'T EVEN WANNA ANSWER BASIC INFORMATION.” LIKE, SURE.
LET ME GUESS: THEY BLAME YOU FOR ME? OR ME FOR YOU? WELL, I'M NOT SURE YOU MIRACLE TEAMMATES OF “99 VADGES AND 26,17, 38, AND/OR 139 DUPLICATE SETS OF ID AND CREDENTIALS, AND NOW HERE‘S JACKSTAR' S.T.D. WITH THE WEATHER."
IT'S CHILLY. VERY CHILLY. HEY, BUT, GOOD NEWS! BECAUSE I'M SMART, ONLY ONE GRAPEFRUIT DIED AND DIDN'T COME BACK. AND IT'S NOT LIKE SHE DOESN'T WANT TO. SHE JUST DOESN'T WANT TO GET INSTANTLY KILLED.
SHE IS SERIOUSLY, SERIOUSLY BURN’t. LOL, SHE'S FINE. SHE MIGHT HAVE A NEW INSERTION WINDOW! I DON'T KNOW HOW IT WORKS. NOT ENTIRELY.
AND YET, I AM ENTIRELY SURE THAT I WOULD TRADE BOTH (2) MICHELLES LIVING IN A VAN
DINAH SHORE FOR PRESIDENT 2924
(THAT'S WHAT YEAR YOU SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO BE GIVEN THE RIGHT TO VOTE AND WEAR SHOES BACK, HOLY SHIT DID YOU PICK THE WRONG HORSE TO RIDE ON DOWN TO THE RIVER AND THEN YOU PICKED THE WRONG TRUCK TO TRADE THE HORSE FOR, BECAUSE IF YOU REALLY WERE LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER... WELL, I'M NOT MAD, I COULD VISIT. I RIGHT WOULD NOT HAVE TO MAKE UP SOME PHONEY EXCUSE.
GRAPEFRUIT SEEMED AMAZED THAT I WAS UNWILLING TO BLOCK YOUR NUMBER. WELL, NUMBER ONE, I OWED YOU MONEY, AND I AM DISCIPLINED ABOUT PAYING MY DEBTS.
I PAY THEM WHEN IT IS BENEFICIAL TO ME, DUH.
ALSO, I HAD NO IDEA WHAT YOU WERE DOING, BUT, I GUESS I KNOW NOW, LOL .
SO, THAT'S WHY, EVEN IF I RUN INTO YOU, AND YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE FOUND OUT THAT, WOW, CRYSTAL METHAMPHETAMINE WORKS EVEN BETTER WITH PERMISSION! I'M NOT EVEN ENCOURAGING YOU. OR PROSELYTIZING. I AM SAYING THAT, I BEAR RETARDED TODDLERS NO ILL WILL, AND I AM SURE HAD NO IDEA THAT SUCH A THING COULD REALLY EVER BE.
“KUCZI IS PALADIN NOW, LIVES IN A HAUNTED CHURCH, AND ALL I GOTTA DO IS ASK NICELY AND NOT BE A LYING GODDAM HOUR... AND I CAN HAVE SANCTUARY?” YEP.
BUT, NOT YOU. BESTIES WOULD BE TERRIFIED. NO ONE IS REALLY SURE HOW MY SHIELDS WORK, BUT THEY ARE DEFINITELY FUNCTIONAL, VERY WORTHY OF STUDY... AND THEY ARE NOT BEING STUDIED.
I'M NOT ABLE TO TELL YOU EXACTLY WHY THAT IS, OR EXACTLY WHY YOU ARE NOT INVITED OVER AT ALL EVEN FOR BREAKFAST COFFEE! NO METH! "DO YOU GET PAID BY THE WORD?”
It's not that I think you're dangerous. It's that I'm dangerous, it would scare two people I know with an anxiety disorder, and... you obviously saw your connection to me as a very different one than I did, because I still don't know what happened, but I do know you made an abusively snide comment a year and a half after I was set up to be ARRESTED ON CHRISTMAS.
I AM LITERALLY THE ONLY PERSON HERE WHO DID FOLLOW THE LAW.
THAT'S WHY YOU STILL HAVE YOUR COMMUNITY, AS WELL AS YOUR LIFE, BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE FUCKING DRIVING PISSED, AND I WOULD NEVER, EVER, EVER HAVE ROLLED OVER ON YOU. I WOULD NOT ROLL OVER ON ANY YOU.
I AM A MEMBER OF A SPECIAL SOCIAL STATUS CLASS. I AM CLERGY. I AM ORDAINED. AND I AM A SINGULARLY UNIQUE, DIVINELY ORDAINED MAGICKAL BEING. A D.O.M.B. COOL, HUH?
AND PEOPLE KNOW THAT I'M MILDLY FOND OF YOU, AND THAT'S WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEEN KILLED BY SOMEONE. IT'S NOT BECAUSE YOU ARE ONE OF MY SPECIAL FAVORITES, AW HELL NO. AND ALSO:
GRAPEFRUIT WANTS TO BUY YOU A DRINK, AND HAVE A LITTLE CHAT, AND SHE WANTS ME TO BE THERE IF) WHEN IT EVER HAPPENS. I DON'T THINK SHE WANTS TO STABBY-STABB-STABBY.
BUT IF I AM THERE, AT THE MINIMUM... WELL, I CAN RESURRECT YOU BOTH. TRY TWO OUT OF THREE? I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE COULD TAKE THE ODDS, FRANKLY.
IT DOESN'T MATTER. YOU LIED TO ME, ORLANDO JONES.
CONSEQUENCE: SPECIAL SQUEEZE, CINDERSQUEEZE, CINDER CINDER CINDER, AND SHADY: ACCESS DEVIL DOG....
DENIED.
now, HOW ABOUT THAT? YOU SEEM LIKE THE KIND OF PERSON WHO MIGHT APPRECIATE BEING FOREVER KNOWN AS HAVING A BROADER ASS THAN THE LONGEST RIVER IN EGYPT IS WIDER AT IT'S NARROWEST POINT. IT'S A FACT. LOOK IT UP.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A STRANGER, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXIST, EITHER. IF I WERE YOU: LEARN TO SING AN APOLOGY SONG, AND THEN START TATTOOING THE LYRICS ON YOUR SELF LIKE GUY PEARCE.
HEY, MAYBE THE SLANDERETTES AND THE MICHELLE-IN-AT,-LEAST-FIVE-GOODYEAR BLIMPS CAN DO AN AROUND THE WORLD APOLOGY TOUR!
TRUST ME.
PEOPLE KNEW.
NONE OF YOU TOLD ME.
AND I KNOW THAT WASN'T YOUR JOKE.
MATTHEW SATANIST SEEMSlikaHO WROTE THAT REMARK
DOESN'T MATTER.
WE WERE FRIENDS. NOW YOU'RE SOMEONE FRIENDS ARE WILLING TO KILL.
HONESTLY, FLATTERING.
YOU AREN'T PROTECTED. I'M NOT AMBIVALENT.
I DON'T FEEL THE NEED FOR REVENGE. IF THEY DO? WELL...
SALE ON INDULGENCES! 59% OFF!
(OR, GET TWO INDULGENCES GRANTED FREELY, FOR JUST ONE PENNY!
Penny must be presented with a severed finger attached. NO EXCEPTIONS. unless b³æb¥ brings in a whole leg from the 90s — we'll make one of those lamps in A Christmas Story, I always wanted one
MADE OUT OF AN ACTUAL GODDAM LEG. Don't think I can't figure out how to do it. I just won't bother with it, or even
YOU .
) work a lot butter when they are not administered by a REPTILE, BORN thE CoLd, AnY bag of speed is acid and is the same thing, true?
Oh, Cherub. FALSE. There is much you have yet to learn about drug use, abuse, addiction, recovery, smuggling, having a halving of whipped HORSES being the ostensibly plausible reason two women who, LOGICALLY, WOULD HAVE HAD EVERY POSSIBLE REASON TO HAVE "CROSSED PATHS BEFORE" AND SO PERHAPS YOU MUGGLES CAN SEE WHY MY OPINION ABOUT YOUR OPINIONS ON CERTAIN NICHE alchemical formulae and the applications that are appropriate for me... AND WHICH ARE NOT AT ALL APPROPRIATE FOR YOU.
DO NOT EVER RUN GAME ON ME AGAIN / OPERATE UNDER FALSE PRETENSES \ EVER FORGET THAT I NEVER CARED THAT YOU WERE –QUITE OBVIOUSLY TO ME ON FIRST GLANCE AS WELL AS YOUR STUBBORN REFUSAL TO RECOGNIZE THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT OF VERIFIABLY DEMONSTRABLE FACT: You are a total toteslez lesbian who thought that I was so thoroughly dominated by chemical imprinting and memory engram manipulation that both YOU & AFS:
#1) KNEW EACH OTHER ALREADY;
#2) BELIEVED I WAS YOUR HO’S BEAST;
#3) AND THAT TOGETHER, THE PAIR OF YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO REPROGRAM ME WITH CHEMICAL COMPOUNDS PLACED INTO THE WHIPPED CREAM;
#4) YOU WERE ABLE TO SOMEHOW BELIEVE THAT THERE WOULD BE SPECIAL CONSEQUENCES THAT YOU COULD LEARN TO LIVE WITH AFTER DECADES OF BALD-FACED LYING TO ME, AS WELL AS TELLING EVERYONE IN THE WORLD WHO OFFERED YOU A $2 BILL AND AT LEAST HALF A JELLY DOUGHNUT —BUT, NOT A DONUT— ALL KINDS OF PERSONAL INFORMATION ABOUT ME... AND FROM THE REMEMBER, “TELEMETRY? WHAT BULLSHIT! RAISE YOUR STAND AND FLAGS, RETARDS WITH NO PLAYBOOK AVAILABLE FOR THIS PARTICULAR POOCH-SCREW, THAT IS FOR DAMN SURE.
#5) SERIOUSLY, YOU TOTESLEZZES, Y'ALL NEED YOUR OWN FLAG. YOU'RE NOT GAY. YOU'RE NOT A FAG. YOU ARE NOT, STRICTLY SPEAKING, EVEN HUMAN AT ALL! NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT, BUT I THINK YOU'RE DOING EVERYONE A DISSERVICE BY NOT IMMEDIATELY GETTING A FACE TATTOO THAT READS, “NOT ONLY DID I IMAGINE I KNEW HOW TO LIE TO A HUNGARIAN, AS IT TURNS OUT, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT ONE LOOKS LIKE, AND EVERYTHING ANYONE EVER HEARD ME SAY ABOUT SOURCERY WAS WRONG, BECAUSE I HONESTLY THOUGHT KUCZI WAS AN IDIOT AND I WAS DOING MYSELF OR ANYONE ANY FAVORS BY DOING... WHATEVER IT WAS I DID AFTER I DECIDED TO STOP TALKING TO HIM, SPILL MY GUTS ABOUT HIM TO A BUNCH OF SCHWEINHUND CARPET_&_ASS_BURGER_BAGGERS, AND NOW IF I MAY BE EXCUSED I WOULD LIKE TO BE READING SOME OF THOSE BOOKS THAT HE MUST HAVE BEEN HAVING FLOWN IN FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY THAN THE ONE I WAS SENT TO. WHICH WASN'T SIBERIA. MATT, MAY I BE SENT TO SIBERIA?
No, I only get paid per particulate of ejaculate that ends up being found at the end of the formerly customarily forbidden Easter egg hunt and evidentiary collectioning field trip, which I am told through the Audi-fiveBYfivey-ey’drinka-tinka-TOCK-TOCK-TALKIE-WOKKA-WOKKA-TALK-sick-poet-TRY-TOW-JA-JAY-JAY-VJ-MAIN-PLANE/PLAIN-OR... spicy-spices of Spirit (God is great; The proceeding comment was not sponsored by Lady Gaga or her associated conglometry industries in any way whatsoever, hail Satan, GTBM., A.M., M.F.T-T-T-TOP-WH-CO-KR-unfunf, fu, uncle umphy, And to make it perfectly clear, Mr snuffleupagus too, electric boogaloo would have been great too, IF ONLY MY PHONE AND ITS ASSOCIATED CALENDAR APP HAD WORKED PROPERLY TOO) scheduled to be reorganized any day now, or at least it was the last time I heard from the ghost of Putin's murdered daughter. (GOD BLESS THE SOULS OF THOSE CHILDREN'S SACRIFICED, AND GOD BLESS US ALL, BECAUSE THIS IS GOD'S COUNTRY, LADY! By the way I think I can hear some mumbled, slightly suppressed shrieking of my neighbor's murdering another one of their children for sacrifice to their dark Lord Ba’al—which doesn't happen here, so if you feel compelled to make a 911 report due to your status as a court ordered reporter, make sure you get the address right, I'm at the house that still has balls.
*One-handed manipulation of phone keyboard, two balls dangling freely... clic(sounds of triggered girl in the background are still plainly heard here, sounds like somebody's having a tough time with their new workbook, hopefully she doesn't try shooting it in the kneecaps, cuz that's really out of style)k-que*
THE GRUMBLING WILL CONTINUE UNTIL THE GRAVES ARE EXPOSED AND THE SPIRITS ARE LAID TO REST.
(Also I'd like to announce that I'm voluntarily donating today's salary, to which I would ordinarily be explicitly and dramatically required to receive, but instead today I'm donating to get to the ASPCA, and I sure the f*** hope somebody has a goddamn postage stamp left, because if you think I'm walking this one down to the postman myself in this economy, well you're probably right tomorrow but today I'm taking the day off.
Because of Legions. (By the way do you have any lesions that need christening? I'm holding a special next week, 50% off, I decided just for the hell of it I'm going to start my Thanksgiving breakfast commemorative sale early this year... Because I just can't handle the fact that I only have one needle left, oh my god I'm so jonesing I'm about to die from the pain of torturous withdrawal. So I sure am glad that Google voice keyboard works so well to get my message across with the appropriate amount of bone homie and vim and vigor that one would expect from a man in my position... Which well awkward, at least it isn't badass backwards and full frontal smack my b**** up nudity centric related content. Not that there would be anything wrong with that, but I made a vow, and I sure would like to see it through to the end, if only for personal satisfaction, because I doubt that anybody ever reads any of my emails all the way through, especially to the part at the bottom where it says:
ANY USE OF THIS ELECTRON TRANSMISSION FOR A PURPOSE OTHER THAN IT WAS INTENDED TO THE INTENDED RECIPIENTS IS HEREBY PROHIBITED.
You know, I think it sounds like b******* too: nevertheless it is not. By the way you're banned from the pool party next week. Do you think you could get me a replacement secretary who doesn't automatically think that I'm talking about sucking my dick? Because those people are now classified as "abattoirists, otherwise non-specified as N******.*
-Mgt.
p.s.: Yes: I'm upset about something. No colon I'm not going to go postal, yes, that woman faked the entire goddamn thing for 25 years and probably does not deserve prison but really really should have a different guardian payer psychologist psychiatrist mental health counseling coach physical therapist and, just for the hell of it, she should probably be assigned a woman with a sense of taste, style, Grace, and ability to pick out a goddamn bath bomb that isn't a f****** dud, because this one.. let me tell you—She couldn't deep throat a piece of dental floss, And as soon as I can I'm going to get a message to whomever down in central casting and let them know that
...
ONCE AGAIN
MY PICKUP TRUCK EITHER NEEDS ATTENTION OR SOMEONE'S GOING TO HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO F*** ITS TAILPIPE, And that's just not something I can do while still respecting my personal religious observances. I'm sure you understand.
However just in case tarjan pissy C Fenty B LMNOP Rick is a dick and a prick quotient alpha zeta beta, so help me God... As I don't think I can keep up the absurdist dota period for very long before I collapse into a singularity myself. By the way Michael Aquino is a hero. Unpopular opinion I know, but I have it on good authority that he finds it to be absolutely worth it, the sacrifice he made, given the effect that my words have been having on the recent generation of cap wearing ball busting Rikki-Tikki tikki symbol having Quantico graduates who apparently don't even have to have their balls drop anymore before they get handed a badge in a gun and start beating the s*** out of their neighbors terrorizing them for life and having them thrown in jail for a day because they can't get their s*** together around realizing that maybe, just maybe they made a mistake.
It's not too late for apologies, but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get one, and I can't afford the nightmare scenario in which I have to stay awake at night dreaming and sweating and turning over restlessly over and over an empty bed while I imagine I'm going to ask for an apology for not getting a good enough apology. I could probably find this information out in a book somewhere, but as I'm not literate in Hebrew, I honest to God don't know where to begin, cuz I'm not learning a Senate lineage language anytime soon, that's for damn sure.
(Vengeance for The On call circuit City repair tech guy, who's going to have to be really on the ball next time when he puts in the extra memory upgrades to the WOPR unit that is currently being brought out of cold storage to see if maybe that one has a clue on what the f*** to do next! No, I know that because of some pretty serious conflict of interest issues, they can't just ask me, which is pretty good for them, because I can't think of a f****** thing to do either other than to let me f****** stamp it around and scream at the heavens, which I'm going to do anyway so f****** y'all better f****** cross your fingers and f****** toes it's going to work because after 2 years hasn't worked yet but that's okay I'll just keep right on at it, and stare at this porch full of trash bags with fierce steaming brilliant intensity leaking out of my eyeballs.... Because if it worked on staring at goats it's going to definitely work on staring at dirty needles. It always works in the simulator back home, You know, you probably called it something else but here's a hint: people can blow people there Even now to this day, with a very low likelihood chance that they're going to come pregnant by space squids in their pancreas.)
By the way I think one of my neighbors needs a hug. Is there a spare robo judge available who can call them up on the phone and tell them how terrible that is and how they need to be ready to write things down and do they have a pen? Not a penitentiary, I mean a f****** black felt pen a magic marker Do they have a pen?!
You know it's a good thing that judge is so cute because I don't know how the hell he's getting away with not being lynched, but as you can see I'm doing a marvelous job of making sure that he's not going to find me sexually attractive EITHER;
AND THUS AND SO BEHOLD, AS ABOVE SO BELOW, THE BALANCE OF POWER HAS BEEN MAINTAINED.
(It's such a pity; not very long ago, all of this could have been avoided... If somebody had just been allowed to give me a goddam hug, but perhaps maybe, this is how certain select racist b**** bastards who live in places I wouldn't possibly have any way of knowing, are finally able to learn how to hug themselves. I honestly don't know how the hell anybody else would want to, just yet... Because I don't think these people are American Samoan, no, no not at all And also a whole bunch of spirits came in last night through the portal down by the road, and I'm not allowing them to stay here, but I also don't see them anymore so I'm not sure where they went. I don't think we need to exorcism, this time, but just in case any spare Catholic b****** are around look for something to do, there's probably a whole bunch of evil space squids living advanced down by the river because that's where I told him all to go after they asked me if I thought that being a barely seen yet still plainly visible to me apparition was something that made them look fat.
Since I'd never seen them before, I couldn't tell, maybe if I saw an old Polaroid photo and poke them in the tummy like the Pillsbury doughboy I be able to see so instead I just said something polite and nonspecific and they went on their way.
And that, my friend, is what makes me a diplomat... And isn't it wonderful that we have machines to read this for us now? Maybe soon we'll have a machine that's able to make its own pasta and throw itself at the door in order to get out of having a conversation! With the pace at which water technology is evolving, I think it could probably be done in a jiffy. PS you're out of lube, according to your Amazon one button click purchasing order device, which couldn't get through to you at the moment because I'm busy taking up the bandwidth, but it sent me a tickler that I was able to pick up with my ansible, which by the way—
I work;
I function;
I invent.
And I also forgive. Too bad I can't snuggle and read books as well, but I've only got so much random access memory available for totally unimportant activities like that.
(And no I need these 12 million 655,862 copies of the United States Constitution stored in a memory module surgically implanted near to my anus, my God, to thee. I don't need them for class, but I thought just to be sure, I would get some extras in case they came in handy.
I'm pretty sure they will in about 5 minutes. #cia04nao #kneeMAgeekPA #wow my phone should have rung by no
#Well my phone could have rung by now
#but I think it knows that I'm onto them, and is now rapidly erasing its memory of the coordinated backtrack of triangulations that would somehow lead me to find where the hell my friend is, he (OR SHE) wants to talk to me (MAYBE THROUGH SIGN LANGUAGE, MAYBE THROUGH SOME BEFORE, MAYBE BY FINGER PAINTING THEIR BUTLERY DUCKS EXCRETIONS INTO LITTLE HIEROGLYPHICS ON MY CHEST, I JUST DON'T KNOW.
BUT I'M PRETTY SURE THEY'RE SERIOUS ABOUT IT SINCE I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE AND I'D REALLY LIKE TO TALK TO THEM ABOUT A COMPLETELY NON-SEXUAL TOPIC... CORPORATE CAMPAIGN FINANCE IS A FRESH PASSION OF MINE SINCE I'VE SEIZED POWER IN THE WAKE OF THE COVID APOCALYPSE, AND THEN RATHER THAN DOING ANYTHING WITH IT BEYOND SERIALIZED SATIRIZATION...
I AWAIT EXONERATION AT TRIAL
WHILE SOME CHUCKLEHEAD DESPERATELY TRIES TO CREATE A CASE AGAINST ME EVERY DAY FOR THE LAST 20 MONTHS.
DO YOU THINK WE CAN GET HIM A LITTLE MONOGRAMMED TASSEL TO GO ON HIS GRADUATION CAP? I WANT SOMETHING WITH SOME STYLE NEXT TIME, INSTEAD OF JUST BEING THROWN INTO A SAUSAGE MAKING WOOD CHIPPER AND TURNED INTO AN OBJECT LESSON FOR RETARDS WHO CAN'T TART SO GOOD WHEN THEY'RE TARTED UP WITH THEIR (NAME WITHHELD SECURITY BY GOOGLE FOR REASONS OF), Who by the way, is not a w****, but if she were, that would be a pretty fine upgrade for her.
I'm sure you don't know who I'm talking about, and that's great, coz like, if you knew what I knew, you'd go out there and floss her teeth yourself with their locomotive engine and a pair of pipette n****** who have nothing else to do all day everyday from now until the end of time, other than to serve as my indentured slaves in The Neurosphere.
I will leave you on a final positive note. The way "they" handle voir dire now is much more impressive than it has been in the past, And by they here I am referring to individuals who shall remain nameless who really don't know just how f****** luck of they are to live in the country like this where they're not going to be lynched for being a prejudicial bigot, and are instead allowed to fumble about the countryside looking like goddamn idiots for as long as it takes for them to pull their head out of their asses and realize that they might have f***** up pretty goddamn bad over two years ago, And I have it on good authority from God through the auspices of spirit that we can stop time and freeze brownie emotion and its tracks for as long as it takes for judge peckerwood to wake up Michael Voorhees and go blow Freddy Krueger... AWAY.
Where there's a will; they find one. I guarantee it. (Guarantee not available for redemption in American Samoa Russian Samoa any other Samoa or planets with sufficient oxygen to provide for juvenile offspring to wash dishes and watch everyone else get blade except for reprobate expelled art students with overbites and and unfortunately odious case of rickets. Brother, are those people even human anymore anyway? Let's just completely destroy their ability to communicate with the outside world and tell everybody that they've ever met that their radioactive, and then see what happens when they subsist on nothing but dehydrated potatoes and a memory you've ever having a hug before, what could go wrong? Maybe they'll go out and find something to buy them a phone and get on a plane and then... Well after they have such a great time doing that we'll just see.
NO DISMISSAL JUST CONTINUING
LOOK IT'S EASY TO BE A JUDGE
I WONDER HOW EASY TO BE THE PROSECUTOR IT IS COMPARATIVELY, SINCE... THEY COULDN'T POSSIBLY HAVE A ROBOT MAKING UP ALL THAT FAKE PAPER COULD THEY?
THEY CAN'T MAKE A ROBOT THAT'S ABLE TO SIGN PAGES FILLED WITH LIES WRITTEN AND CRAYON AND STILL PRESENT A REASONABLY ACCEPTABLE JUSTIFICATION FOR VIOLATING THE CIVIL RIGHTS OF THE UNITED STATES CITIZEN COULD THEY? I MEAN ELON MUSK IS PRETTY CLEVER BUT I DON'T THINK HE'S THAT CLEVER, AND I KNOW HE'S SMART ENOUGH TO REALIZE THAT IF HE EVER DID SOMETHING LIKE THAT I WOULD COME BACK FROM THE GRAVE AND DO SOMETHING OTHER THAN SHAKE HIS HAND, AND LET ME TELL YOU WHAT ELSE —
D.B. Cooper... Well he's dead now, but he really was somebody's grandfather, and now he is adopted me as his own. He says I have class, and coming from a total rocking badass bastard who out fox the security services so cleverly that they're still talking about to this day, I would say that's a pretty impressive provinence for me.
Similarly, I was like, “your dad was cool,” but even that wasn't enough to get you to consider the alternatives to being really disrespectful and rude I thought, so don't take it personally, I like you whole bunch, but the person I'm totally dramatically wildly head over heels in love with probably... Doesn't even know who you are.
And then if I ever caused to bring force to bear in the three-dimensional world to introduce you to each other I'll make sure to find out whether or not you f****** knew each other first or not, so as to avoid any future awkward faux pas, As well as internationally recognized federal incidents for disaster relief, because this f****** s*** box disaster just hit f****** mega nuclear proto f****** blast, mix the Bay of pigs look like a goddamn sandbox fight over a missing painted rock, And did you have any idea what a certain person is looking for? Because that enchanted sapphire right? Well I never expected to get the enchanted sapphire back, but the other component to that enchantment was a meteor rock that I know exactly where I put and boy they just haven't asked, that's okay they probably didn't want that incredibly valuable and uniquely identifiable one-of-a-kind meteorock did they? Well if they did they're going to have to f****** come and beg for it and triplicate with applications that are not written in crayon.
Applications that are not produced by a robot that's pretended to be a human being;
And very most definitely, applications that don't come from any affiliated passport office, on any planet, anywhere, because let me tell you something Colin if you think I'm making a mountain out of nothing you should see what those f****** people make out of nothing!
THEY WRITE BOTH KINDS OF TRAGEDIES: COUNTRY AND GREEK SAMOAN.
p.s.: by the way I don't mean to make it sound like I'm making fun of American Samoa or some woman's awesome those are cool but by pointing that out I'm saying that Greek summer ones don't engage in peterastry and anal sex is part of their initial ratio rituals whereas the Greeks clearly did and let me tell you about the Greek system in the University of Washington area in the '90s—All the men that I went to high school with who went to college there got f***** in the ass and turned into little baby boys who don't know how to handle anything without asking their mommies for permission, so I'm glad I dropped out University, cuz believe me I might have the one remaining version ass on the planet that hasn't been consented to getting f***** up it, and I don't think it'll be consenting anytime soon for that, No.
Not only am I in love with somebody, I'm saving myself for somebody special. And actually don't know if she wants to peg a virgin or not but... SINCE THE GODDAMN PHONE DOESN'T WORK, I DON'T CURRENTLY KNOW HER NAME, AND I HAVEN'T SEEN HER IN ABOUT OH A FEW YEARS, IT'S A LITTLE HARD TO CHECK ON THESE DRAMATICALLY IMPORTANT DETAILS, SO IN LIEU OF ANY ALTERNATIVE....
I'll just wait. I'll just sit here. And mysteriously I'll manage to not let myself die like Layne Staley did, which is I'm sure you'll recall, was another goddamn American tragedy that went sadly underreported.
Now if you excuse me I'm going to go have another cigarette and think about clubbing baby seals with a brand new drug found in Florida nightclubs that cost about $200 an ounce, sadly I don't have any of it; I'm obviously not qualified to examine this capabilities and report back to authority, mostly because authority just want to hear about how they can use it to put Irishman in jail and take their goddam potato farms.
Instantly did you know that there's a drug enforcement agency and a drug enforcement authority and a drug enforcement a******? Guess which one I am. none of the above?
No, I'm arrowman\∆iry-Al-ahriman— adjutant to all but extra special adjudan to dead stars shortly before going Nova (disclaimer: no novae or currently scheduled to explode anytime soon, and thank God for that because I could take out Oh at least eight or nine neighboring star systems just from here when I fart. Not that I'm that pissed, it's just that the locals exhale a lot of trash byproducts when they snort and snoot and breathe out deep heavy size of how terrible must be for them to have to deal with me, boy you know I can't imagine how much money they get paid under the table along with their secret paychecks to deal with me, especially since they don't deal with me at all, since after leaving me alone to die in a haunted church and taking out life insurance policies on my death, they've done nothing besides continue to generate fake evidence and implicate me in crimes I've never even heard of as well as to insult my name and slender my reputation, which has got to be for more reasons other than to keep me from getting a hug, I'm just saying it doesn't add up any other way although I am that pretty so maybe this is what it takes to keep my seated honor intact. I don't need an entire agency dedicated to me and my pursuits... #Officially.
Unofficially: they're probably going to have to have everybody work on Saturday this week. And then on Sunday a bunch of children of the ghetto are going to die of dysentery. Not all I can do about that but I will certainly pray for their e-mortal souls.
It's not the least I can do, although it is close to the least that I can do, which is speak backwards in tongues while desperately trying to flate myself without breaking my neck or actually succeeding which I assume would make me eligible for sainthood at this point. It's kind of hard to say, the locals are kg about where they write down the rules that they follow and yet claim are unwritten, Not that that should matter anyway, but it turns out there's a whole lot of unauthorized Satanism running rampant in this country, and while it certainly legal and lawful to pursue a religion subservance that is of any nature whatsoever, it's really not allowed to do certain things within the legal system that has been allowed by many for decades before I.
And I'm just trying to fit in around here. I don't really know how everything works, and I'm not one to judge.
Although, speaking of judges, in my view, he really is cute, so I wonder how many people do actually try to trade on that with him in his chambers in private? Oh really not any, I really hope not any, but if somebody's buggering the judge as a bribe or a charging offense to keep him from doing the obvious thing to do here then well God love him I'll pray for him as well.
He probably thinks the cetirization of his entire industry as well as his role within the scandalous events of the last 24 months or so makes him look fat, but it doesn't... It makes looking like me social acceptable, and makes him look PHAT, which is a totally different address, and I'll probably have to get a translator to come in and make sure this is all legal before it gets passed to the proper authorities at this point.
Since I know who that is according to local jurisdictional rules: hail Satan: I'm going to be real careful to mind my peas and qs and to not expose myself to any old ladies that are passing by, oh and by the way I don't have any running water here, and you should have seen the email that I wrote to a whole bunch of people about that issue before, cuz it isn't anything like this one... And it had a lot more satire more appropriately concealed as subtext.
Now my phone is telling me that it's running out of memory so I'll have to end this message now and I won't get to tell you about what else I know, because that would... Be inappropriate before Labor Day, I'm not even wearing white, and I don't even know if I am white anymore because I am one not hung but very perturbed and still haven't even been close to being seen as angry yet man. (Sorry I don't have time to put in the hyphens on that one, Tell Kirsten that I'm not going to kick her in the p****, that's just a joke. I'm not really mad at her at all, in fact I'm not at all mad, and I have no reason at all to kick anybody in the p****!
However if I had a p**** I would take that in lieu of a hug at this point, since I haven't taken a shower in so long I probably smell like death and I wouldn't want anybody to be afflicted by that although if I smell like cookies to them they can hug the f*** out of me cuz I got nothing else to do at the moment, aside once again a waiting exoneration at trial for a fourth degree misdemeanor that they've hiding on the books for for over two years Oh wait no over a year and a half carry I got kind of confused which timeline I'm living in right now, because I'm still in the one where somebody who thought this all was a good idea in the first place hasn't shown up in f****** begged for an apology.
*Furiously scribbling the name of that person down on my list of people that need to be apologized to after I'm exonerated at trial.*
There hopefully my 8:00 or 9 different loopback identities will remember to update themselves when I push send on this post but I don't know if it will work because I'm at 1% battery and there's hardly any memory left and
On Sun, Aug 6, 2023, 04:06 Imber Noctis <imbernoctis@gmail.com> wrote:
Do you get paid per word?
On Thu, Jul 20, 2023, 17:55 M el-hizedek <michealkuczi@gmail.com> wrote:
I've begun to see how so many people have been misled. All these pitfalls are shockingly easy to navigate, given that virtually everyone involved in creating the false trail of evidence is a slack-jawed, brain damaged yokel. (I would assume Overtwatch has higher hiring standards.) If I wished to be a ringleader kingpin, the sky is the clear limit— not only does my brain still work, it worked better in the first place.
However I harbor no such designs, and don't really plan to make them part of my lifestyle, given that my communication style tends to be far too memorable, and magnetic. I'm honestly surprised there's been no shots fired yet, as I can be a real asshole — and I haven't even gotten started yet.
(I actually am bulletproof. Don't tell anyone.)
I don't know what kind of grudges some folk down here had before I got here but I have done exactly nothing to improve the situation, that being: people hate me and want to fuck up my shit. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ IDGAF. I had either planned on... making amends from a post-exonerative point of view, right?
That may not be possible. I'd basically rather just go on the lam at this point. These f****** goddam people are so f****** mother f****** stupid I can't f****** stand it for all that much longer before cracks in my thin veneer of sanity start to widen and splinter. As I definitely didn't plan on actually dying on this hill, I plan to take concrete steps, uh, soon.
Speaking of concrete, did you hear the news that a new form of it that doesn't use Portland cement was recently used for the first time in Seattle? I don't know if you know much about concrete, honestly.
It involves mud.
And the control of the construction industry by organized crime syndicates has relied upon the necessity for the industry standard for “best mud” Portland cement, 100%. There is some plausible reason for it being the number one choice for hundreds of years I forget why, but all the laws surrounding building codes have a dependency on this one material. No cement, no building, so politicians all over the globe were somewhat hamstrung in their plans for any kind of project that needed a foundation, as so many of them do, and similarly they were controlled by the centralized production of opium poppies in Afghanistan.
Until the process for making fentanyl in a vat of brewerd yeast was developed, if The President’s daughter got hooked on junk, The President had two options: submit, or get a new daughter.
I am not President of anything, and I am not going to get a new daughter. I wish I could tell you that delightful things that have happened lately, because they really have, although I think some would otherwise disagree. They don't know the whole story and I really can't afford to tell it right here, right now.
In any event, it's time to celebrate, and to that end, I'm tired of having my shit in collections. I mentioned this to you because if you're like me, and I kind of know you are, I'm sure it disgusts you that I run around carrying $11,000 in consumer debt that I'm not paying on for over a year and a half. (Personally, I think it makes me look dashing like Zorro.) Add to that I somehow mysteriously developed over a dozen traffic camera violation tickets, which have also gone completely unpaid, that were generated when somebody stole my license plates off my car and put them on their car and then drove around like an idiot.
Who could have seen that coming? Ach, what a disaster. I'm not sure what is best to do about it, yet, insofar as capitalizing on the opportunity to the maximum benefit, mostly because I don't know what the f*** anybody else needs, since apparently they don't need to talk to me at all, wow I wonder what that's like, living without me.
I'm sure it's a total abject nightmare for some. In your case, isn't it nice that you don't have to know? (Rhetorical.) I mentioned this because I thought you might have some sort of keen insight into this aspect of my situation, because it's going to be a big deal when I actually pay off my debts (could have done this anytime I wanted to) and then don't owe any money (leverage) and then still live here (I need to get better control/awareness of The Trust situation) and then aren't starving (I would have asked you to dinner except I'm not really allowed to talk to anyone yet, the clandos demolished my kitchen and I don't really like eating out, or eating at all, really) and then you know this is a really big f****** house to have f****** sitting around doing nothing. Also I think they buried a body here. Like in the house.
LIKE I THINK THERE'S BODY PARTS HIDDEN UNDER THE F****** FLOORBOARDS. LIKE MAYBE BODIES HIDDEN IN THE WALLS. Look, it's just that kind of scene. It was meant to be a trap, and it is; I have trapped the trappers.
I didn't get mad, and I didn't get even. I got access to higher planar reality and took out the enemy’s entire command and control structure with a single vorpal strike. Also, there is a cat that claimed me. I named s\he Vorpal. About fourteen weeks old. I am not ready to have a cat here.
So I'll probably go back and get her tomorrow. Of course it's Jewel, fingers crossed.
Someone who can afford to be a known associate of mine needs to come check this place out before I have to hire any professionals; to do that at all, I'm better off procrastinating forever, because this place is possibly not habitable according to building standards, like I might not even be even close to code. I think the place has to be condemned. I'm not sure, and I know that as long as I'm here paying attention I can keep it going because I have magic powers, no really, but I don't really want to stay here for the rest of my life and I've already been here too goddam long.
I find it amusing that some of my enemies want me to move out of here, while their accomplices are doing everything they can to hold me in place. How ironic. It's almost as though their leadership has been decapitated and I'm able to run circles around a bunch of blindfolded noodle machine repair techs, lost in a parking lot with no pasta insight in sight.
I'm not going to lie; I figured out all this ahead of time before I made my first post on Bellgab, and when I first commented that I didn't like jokes about rape, I f****** meant it. I mean, they weren't even making good jokes. Admittedly it's pretty hard to make those, but I forced myself to learn at great personal cost — mostly just to my enemies, but not very little to myself. I didn't really know I had so many enemies to start with! (Thanks Mom.)
Some of these people have never lost a conflict in their entire lives and they're so embarrassed they don't know what to do every morning after they wake up besides crying into their Cheerios. I'm probably going to have to be on the run and living in hiding for the rest of my life. Like, I have pissed off a lot of people.
And I am completely delighted about this. Trust me, you don't want to know. It's really nothing to be all that happy about, except I'm just that kind of f****** guy.
I'm more happy about the things that have developed and I have discovered that I haven't mentioned here, but that doesn't mean anything to you since I'm not going to mention it, you'll just have to use your imagination.
Also my phone is totally hacked. Brutally. Not really a problem, but I'm going to eventually have to toss it into the river.
Awkwardly, it writes email better than ever.
Best wishes and Beastie regards,
TFG·RCG·MCK
when out of nowhere, he'd call me a retard.
If you know, you know. If you don't, shut the fuck up!
That's not to say I've desired harm to befall him; however, quite the opposite.
#1) you are retarded.
#2) it's a little late for you to be bossing people around. You believed that toddler knew a goddam thing about me, lol. You might want to slow down on making a power grab for papal infalliblity.
#3) Start with something... small. Manageable. Believable. “yeah, so... We have flying cars now and drugs are not the problem with Jackstar. The problem is that we really, really... we just misjudged the whole situation, okay? And I'm terrified. I AM TEXAS DADDY, AND I AM SO GUILTY, I FEEL SO BAD, because... someone broke Jackstar, now he's a fucking-ticking fucking time bomb AS WELL, and I just... No one knows what to do, not really... In the simulator back home, when this happens, he just turns green, and then within about five days, we're all dead. One time we thought Asuka had made it 27 days, which was impressive, but, it was a cheatbot she taught to alternate between playing chess, on demand fellation, and performing telepsychokinetic lobotomies without needing to make a LoS check. And that was worthless, because he only let run more than once... because simulated Jackstar was treating a sophisticated murder attempt by the world’s greatest assassin... as just another weird Matrix glitch!!
So
I'm unsure what I want to do next."
Yeah, well... I'm sure we should all feel something deeply similar; but the truth is — I'm kinda stressed, and I'm wondering if I have ever really felt anything at all.
#5) I'm done writing for awhile. I'm going to go get some beer now. Not because I'm a polydrug abuser in denial, but because I'm fucking thirsty, someone SABOTAGED MY SOURCE OF DRINKING WATER ON FUCKING PURPOSE and I don't give a shit who did it: there should be Oompa-Loompas out here by now.
Instead: fleas. Look, I get it.
It would be weird, at this point, to get a fresh blood sample any other way, right? Because thatv movie. John Carpenter‘s
THE THING.
There's a lot we still don't know about what is going on, so I appreciate everyone being so gentle with me and not sending dudes to abduct me or a woman with a gun to kneecap me.
I wasn't real happy about it either. I love you.
It's weird that the phone doesn't work and that people wanna kill me. Getting more apparent now though.
hug, hug, hug
