If you read Jackstar’s posts backward, they make more sense.
Starfleet Regulations clearly indicate, that during any Times of War, no uncoded messages are to be sent over an open Channel, English, B4, or Samewise "S.A.M.-e” Oinker Unclefucker, bunkerfucker busterfucker, bustin’ bucket motherfuck bucket, →[].
That's it; that's the rule. “More sense.” Huh. So, does it make sense, to have more sense, more on, Moron? yes, I'm sure it does to you, Sense Abel. Sensi-caine? LIE-doe-KANE.
-Legend has it that-
Let me explain how the birth of the Magic In Broadcasting Content DElivery4, Flowerfags, Glowibabies, & Hell-pukin’ Net.Dot-Polka Dot-Matrix 3D-Printin’, 4D-Packin’, & 5D, Dairy, Deety, DD/FU Wrought’n'Writin’n’Rith-Rath Matrix, JOHN MATRIX: THE INCARNATE WRATH OF THE ONE TRUE HOLY GOD’S WRATH, WON: G-D.
WINNER’S GRAND PRIX: JACKSTAR.
SACRIFICES DEMANDED.
SACRIFICES DENIED.
THIS IS THE ACTUAL, LOVELIEST TRUTH THAT COULD EVER, EVER BE,
FOR IT WAS NOT FOR THEE, BELLGAB, THAT
I HAVE DONE
ALL OF THIS, DONE IT HAS BEEN...
NOT FOR ME, AND NOT FOR THEE.
BUT FOR THE VICTIMS OF HORRORS
UNEXPRESSED, UNDESCRIBED, & UN-CIRCUMCISED.
VICTIM: ALLISON F. SHAW, AKA: “GRAPEFRUIT ADVENTURE TIME.” FRAMED WITH FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL. FATE: UNKNOWN.
VICTIM: A. FRANK SHAW, AKA: "RAPEFRUIT, TIE “Lil’” FIGHTER.” FRAMED WITH FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL. FATE: REPLACED BY DAYWALKER KNIGHTULPA V. VOLKER.
VICTIM: JAMES-TOOTS “ROLLS ‘C.O.D.’ ROYCE” ROLLEYES, AKA: “That_Woman.” FRAMED WITH FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL. FATE: DEATH AFTER LONG PRIVATE LONG ILLNESS WITH ASSOCIATED PRESENTATION OF OXYTOCIN DEPRIVATION SYNDROME.
VICTIM: CHRISTOPHER STANLEY FOX, AKA: “CRISPIE CRISPr QT-π.” REPORTED KILLED IN HEIR STRIKE UPON IPOT HEADQUARTERS. WHOOPS: MY BAD, MAYBE? SORRY BRUH, IF I SAW HER STANDING THERE, I WOULD HAVE SEEN YOU STANDING THERE,
N’EST-CE PAS? FATE: AFTER I GOT OUT OF JAIL, I KEPT SEEING HIM SHOW UP IN MY PATH, AS IF HE WERE AN ANGEL, SENT DOWN FROM HEAVEN, TO INTERCEPT ME ALONG MY JOURNEY AND TO HELP ME ALONG MY WAY ON MY PATH, AND EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME, I SAW HIM, AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF WOW HE'S DEAD HE DOESN'T KNOW IT AND HE'S LOOKING AT ME AND HE WANTS ME TO... WELL, NOT WALK RIGHT ON BY, THAT'S FOR SURE, CYA DUDE! PEACE. IN REALITY: HE WAS A GHOST, HIS SECRET GINGERBREAD MASONIC WIFE WAS SECRETLY TURNED VAMPYR, AND AFTER A POLITE, SUFFICIENTLY CLANDESTINE INTERVAL, SHE KILLED HIS ASS, DEAD AS A DOORNAIL, AND HAULED—MONTY—HAULED AWAY HIS WHOLE KIT'N'KABOODLED STASH OF MONEY, GUNS, & MORE MONEY, AS WELL AS KIDS & MORE MONEY, AND DELIVERED IT ALL SERVED UP ON A SILVER PLATTER TO HER VAMPIRE LORD, JOHAN SEBASTIAN BACH, WHO OF COURSE, DESERVED ALL THAT WEALTH MUCH MORE THAN THE PEOPLE WHO HAD IT DID. SHE WAS THEN MADE INTO A FIXIN’N’FUCKIN’ DRUGMULE FIXER, WHERE SHE APPEARS TO WORK CEASELESSLY AS THE SAME, AND IS REPORTEDLY ONE OF MR. BOXES’ TOP EARNERS, AS WELL AS, A RAGING HARPYESQUE TOTESLEZZ SHREW—YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T KNOW ONE HAD TO GO TO COLLEGE FOR THAT, BUT THIS CHICA, SHE WENT TO GODDAM UNIVERSITY, AND MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON HER IMMORTAL SOUL. (HE TOLD ME TO TELL YOU TO GO SUCK YOUR OWN PI’S DICK, MATT “STAR” HOUSTON, BUT I LAUGHED AND SAID, NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, CHUM—THAT'S WHAT I GOT THE SHIELDS FOR, WINKY SMILEY MARTINDALE, ALTHOUGH I WILL ADMIT, HE DIDN'T LOOK ALL THAT PLEASED TO HEAR ABOUT MY TECHNOLOGICAL SUPERIORITY OF MY RESEARCH CORPUS OVER HIS PUNYLING GENOME. WELL, HIS KIDS ARE GOING TO LOVE MY CORPUS, SO IF I EVER SEE THEM... OH YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, VAMPIRE WIFE DELIVERED THEM TO VAMPIRE LORD, THEY PROBABLY GOT MADE INTO BELT-BUCKLES. /HITCHES_UP_OVERALLS* TOO BAD, I CAN USE SOME SUSPENDERS, I MOVED ON, WHY DON'T YOU TWO JUST STOP THINKING ABOUT IT AND DO THE SAME? OH RIGHT, YEAH, SORRY, SLIPPED MY MIND ONE OF YOU IS DEAD, THE OTHER IS UNDEAD, AND BOTH OF YOU BECAME SLAVES TO THE RHYTHM OF A FUCKED-OFF DIVEBAR LIFE. “BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY”? A BABY PUKED ON AISLE FOUR, NOW GO AND RESTOCK THE PRODUCE SECTION AFTERWARDS, WAGIE, SCRAM.
VICTIM: MATTHEW T. WILLIAMS, AKA: “MATTHEW T. WILLIAMS”, EXCEPT, IN CURSIVE. YOU SEE? THAT'S CLASS. NOT_CLASS: GOT PLAYED BY TWO PLAYERS WHO HE TRIED TO PLAY, BECAUSE HERE'S WHAT YOU DIDN'T SEE COMING: I SAW YOU PLAYING FIRST, I DRANK THE WHISKEY SECOND, AND THE THIRD STRIKE WAS, SUCH A FUCKING SQUARE, HE BOUGHT MY FEINT OVER THE HYPE AND NEVER EVER FIGURED OUT THAT I DID HIM A BIG FUCKING FAVOR, TOTES4REAL, OR IF YOU DID, PROBABLY FORGOT THE REVELATION BY THE BREAK OF DAWN, MARRY DAWN. DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY? YEAH, EYE, I FUCKING BET, MORE LIKE DEPARTMENT OF DOUGHS & DOES, I BET. FATE: SELLS CRYPTO. ALONE. SOUNDS LIKE FUN. LOOKS LIKE PORNO. BIG FUN, BIG PORNO: KNOW NO PORTAL.
VICTIM: ORLENE “MISSY” (PROT)-IN-A-VAN, GOING DOWN, BY THE RIVER. OPENLY SNEERED AT STONERS, SECRETLY SLUNG MAD PHAT CAPS’N’ROX (EXCEPT TO ME, THAT SHIT IS POISON AND WILL RUIN YOUR SEX LIFE, THUS IT IS WRITTEN IN THE RITES OF THE TOTESLEZ LESBEAUX AU FILLY-FOLLET. WE BECAME...) HOODWINKED INTO AN ALL-EXPENSES PAID TRIP TO FINLAND, WHERE SHE BECAME A LABOR TRAFFICKING VICTIM FOR 7 YEARS OF GROWING POT IN A CLANDESTINE NURSERY IN THE BASEMENT OF A COLD WAR ERA APARTMENT COMPLEX, SURROUNDED BY POTTING SOIL, RUBBER HOSES, AND NOTHING BUT ORAL SEX, WATERING PLANTS CHOKING DOWN COCK, AND AWKWARDLY PLAYING ONLINE VIDEO GAMES FOR SOCIAL CONTACT, UNABLE TO FIND WORK OR LEAVE THE COUNTRY WITHOUT HER PASSPORT OR BEING IMPRISONED—THOROUGHLY, MERCILESSLY IMPRISONED, DON'T MAKE SOUND AS THOUGH SHE WERE IMPRISONED IN THE COUNTRY OF FINLAND ALREADY, YOU DON'T KNOW FINNS, YOU DON'T KNOW THEIR PRISONS, AND I DIDN'T KNOW SHE LIKED SUCKING COCK AT ALL, SINCE FOR THE FOUR YEARS WE DATED ON OFF, SHE NEVER ASKED TO DO THAT ONCE, AND I NEVER WANTED TO DO ANYTHING BUT I HAD LOOKING HER EYES WHILE I CAME IN HER BOX WHILE PRAYING TO GOD THAT I WAS INFERTILE, BECAUSE WE DIDN'T WANT KIDS EITHER, BUT I GUESS SHE WANTED 7 YEARS OF ORAL SEX FROM A FINNISH POT GROWER/DRUG SMUGGLER/HER ASSIGNED SURVEILLANCE TARGET, WHICH KIND OF MAKES SENSE, I CAN SEE HOW SUCKING DICK WOULD BE A LOT MORE FUN WHILE GETTING PAID TO DO IT—ESPECIALLY IF ONE THINKS IT'S A DEGRADING & DIRTY “JOB” ANYWAY, NOT CLEAN AND WHOLESOME LIKE GARDENING AND SMUGGLING AND PRETENDING TO NOT BE A STOOL PIGEON AND/OR SNING/SNITCH. FATE: CHASED OFF BY GRAPEFRUIT PRIME, SHE CAME INTO TOWN A LITTLE WHILE AFTER CANNABIS WENT STATUS: LEGAL, DESCRIBED HER SITUATION AS “I’M HAVING INEXPLICABLE LANDLORD TROUBLE,” WHICH INITIALLY, SEEMED KIND OF ODD TO ME, DIDN'T SHE TRY SUCKING HIS DICK FOR 7 YEARS? OH, YOUR LANDLORD'S A WOMAN, HUH? WELL, THERE'S ONE PROBLEM, AND HEY, HERE'S ANOTHER: SEEMS LIKE 7 YEARS OF EATING ICE CREAM AND CHOKING DOWN PENIS AND PRETENDING YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF MOLLY—ACTUAL STATEMENT, “MDMA? WHAT'S THAT? I'VE NEVER HEARD OF IT,” AND, IN WHAT MUST BE THE MOST AMAZING COINCIDENCE IN THE WHOLE HISTORY OF PLANET EARTH AND ITS CREATION, SHE HAD NEVER HEARD OF THE WORD “FELLATIO” UNTIL SHE HAD HOPPED ON TO A PLANE WITH A SONG IN HER HEART AND STARS IN HER EYES TO SPEND SEVEN YEARS IN FINLAND, AFTER GOING TO A ROCK CONCERT WITH ME IN SEATTLE THE NIGHT BEFORE AND WAVING GOODBYE TO ME IN A WAY THAT SHE UNDOUBTEDLY HOPED, DIDN'T MAKE HER LOOK FAT, AND IT DIDN'T, BECAUSE IT THE GOOD NEWS WAS IT MADE HER LOOK LIKE AN ORCA THAT LIED ABOUT FUCK ME DRUGS AND SUCKING COCK, BUT AT LEAST NOT A SLUTTY ORCA, EWEEE, HOW GROSS WOULD THAT BE? I DON'T MEAN DISGUSTING, I MEAN TOTAL POUNDAGE, AND ORCASLUT? YEAH I DON'T KNOW EITHER, AND SHE DIDN'T SEEM MUCH BIGGER WHEN SHE GOT BACK, SO I DON'T KNOW, AND I ALSO DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO SCORE THE ECSTASY, SO I FOUND IT ODD THAT SHE SAID TO ME THAT SHE HAD BEEN WILLING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME BEFORE SHE LEFT FOR FINLAND—WHERE SHE ENDED UP STAYING FOR 7 YEARS, REMEMBER? AND, WHY DIDN'T I ASK TO HAVE SEX BEFORE SHE LEFT, WHILE BELIEVING SHE WAS LOOKING SAD—SO SAD? AS A TRAINED DIPLOMAT, I WAS SAVVY ENOUGH, WISE ENOUGH, AND, GOSH DARN IT, THOUGH IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A DELIGHT TO TELL HER THEN, I'VE BEEN SAVING THIS UP FOR A WHILE TO TELL HER IN PERSON ONE DAY, AND MAYBE SHE'LL READ IT HERE OR MAYBE I'LL GET A CHANCE TO TELL HER LATER BUT NOW, HERE GOES: “THE VERY LAST TIME I EVER REMEMBER ASKING YOU FOR SEX WITH ME WAS IN THE 90S AND YOU SAID TO ME THAT YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANY INTEREST IN DOING SO BECAUSE I WAS TOO FAT, AND YOU THEN POKED A FINGER INTO MY STOMACH AS IF I WERE THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY, AND IN THAT MOMENT, I KNEW THAT I WOULD WITNESS THE COLDEST DAY IN HELL THAT GOD HAD EVER CONCEIVED OF COMING TO PASS BEFORE I WOULD EVER ASK YOU FOR SEX AGAIN, AND THAT WOULD INCLUDE ORAL SEX, BUT THAT'S ACTUALLY SOMETHING I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD TO SPELL, TO DO, LIKE WHAT ABOUT SOME MUSHROOMS? OH YEAH, I REMEMBER: THE SMELL OF MALECOCK MADE HER VOMIT, WHICH I ALWAYS THOUGHT HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH ME. SEEMS TO MAKE SENSE, RIGHT? COME TO FIND OUT, THERE'S A SECRET US NAVY CLASSIFIED RESEARCH CHEMICAL THAT YOU CAN GIVE TO A WOMAN THAT WILL MAKE HER INTO A COMPLETE AND TOTAL TWATMOOCH MINDSLAVE, WHICH MAY SOUND IMPLAUSIBLE TO BELIEVE EXISTS, BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU I LOVE WOMEN AND I LOVE TWAT AND I THINK BOYS ARE STINKY, BUT IF A TWAT SMELLED LIKE A SEWER RAT TOOK A DUMP IN IT AND A PENIS SMELLED LIKE PUMPKIN FUCKIN’ MOM’S APPLE PIE, I'D GO GAY PRETTY FUCKIN’ FAST, THAT'S FOR FUCKING SURE. FATE: READING THIS POST IN REAL TIME AS I WRITE IT THROUGH THE INTERNET ON A SECRET SPY WEB SPYWARE CAMERA REPAIR NETWORK, JAW HANGING OPEN SWINGING WILDLY A GAPE AS YOU SUDDENLY REALIZES THE RIDICULOUSNESS OF ALL OF HER ACTIONS OVER THE COURSE OF HER LIFE... AND THAT MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, SHE COULD PROBABLY THINK OF ANOTHER WAY TO TURN A GUY ON OTHER THAN WILDLY FUMBLING AROUND AND GRABBING FOR WHAT SHE THINKS WAS HIS COCK AND USING YOUR MOUTH TO SCREAM CRITICAL WORDS AND THINLY VEILED LAUGHTER, WHICH WAS POSSIBLY A SEDUCTION TECHNIQUE SHE PICKED UP FROM GRAPEFRUIT, WHO WHEN I SAW THEM TOGETHER LAST WERE ARGUING ABOUT, OF ALL THINGS, WHIPPED CREAM, AND APPARENTLY IT WAS A BIG FUCKING DEAL. WHIPPED CREAM. IS THAT SOME KIND OF TOTESE CODE SYSTEM? WELL, WE CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL, DON'T TELL ME HERE, THE WALLS HAVE EARS, AND GOOD GOLLY GOD DAMN THIS MOLLY ISN'T IT A SHAME THAT THE WALLS DON'T HAVE MOUTHS TOO BECAUSE I'D BE WILLING TO FUCK A HOLE IN A WALL IF IT COULD JUST MOAN FOR ME AND KEEP UP A CONVINCING FRONT, OR A FACADE OR FUCKING SOMETHING LONG ENOUGH FOR ME TO GET OFF, LIKE HOLY FUCKING CHRIST JESUS, YOU KNOW WHAT I BET? I BET SHE THOUGHT SHE THOUGHT I WERE GAY AND SHE WERE THE STRAIGHT ONE, AND SHE THOUGHT IT WAS WEIRD I WASN'T ALWAYS TRYING TO RAPE HER ALL THE TIME, WHICH, YOU KNOW, CALL ME A SILLY MAN, BUT I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT WAS UNLAWFUL CONDUCT? C’EST NON? C’EST MOLLY MAGNIFIQUE? OH, YEAH... I FORGOT, I JUST FOUND OUT, THERE WAS THAT PERSON FROM HIGH SCHOOL WHO THOUGHT THAT I WAS IN DIRE NEED OF SOME SOCIAL MEDIA UPGRADING, AND TOLD EVERYBODY AND THEIR BROTHER AND THEIR LITTLE DOGGIES TOO THAT I WAS A PERSON WHO HATED HOMOSEXUALITY, AND BROKE UP WITH SOMEBODY FOR BEING GAY, AND HATED ON SOMEBODY ELSE FOR BEING GAY AND PROBABLY WAS SICK OF THE GAY GAME ITSELF, AND NO, COMING NO, I NEVER WAS... I SIMPLY KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING GOING ON THAT WAS NOT KOSHER, AND I RESOLVED AS SIMPLY WAIT, LIE AND WAIT IF YOU WILL, UNTIL I FIGURED OUT WHAT WAS GOING ON, AND ¡BOY¡FUCKING¡HOWDY! IS THERE I SWEAR SOMETHING FUCKING GALOSHES GOING ON? WELL, IF YOU HAVEN'T FIGURED IT OUT BY FUCKING AROUND ON DRUGS AND FUCKING BY NOW, YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT GOING TO LIKE THE ANSWER, WHICH IS: YOU EWES, YOU AND AYY, TOTALLY FUCKED UP YOUR PHEROMONAL AUTISTIC AUTISM RESPONSE BY DOING A THREE-WAY WITH BRIAN ON DRUGS INSTEAD OF ME WITHOUT, OR INSTEAD OF HAVING A LEGITIMATE CONVERSATION EVER, OR WITH THE VIRGI
TYLER TIFFANY 2: STRAWBERRY ELECTRIC BOOGALOO BLONDE BONANZA, NOW WITH RESTING BITCH FACE ON THE SIDE, ON THE TOP, ALL OVER THE PLACE. AND THAT IS TOO BAD, TOO BAD INDEED, NOW, WHERE'S MY DAILY ADVENT CALENDAR HOW LONG UNTIL I CAN LEAVE THE STATE? DEAR COWLITZ COUNTY ASSISTANT SECTION ASSHOLE COP/DEPUTY DIRECTOR OF THE MOST LOCAL JURISDICTION TO MY LOCATION: SEXUAL EXPECTATION OF POLICE EMPLOYEES BY SUPERVISORS IS ONE OF THE FASTEST GROWING ELEMENTS OF CRIME IN THE NATION, AND YOU ALL CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO SEND ME ANY WHORES OVER HERE THAT AREN'T AFRAID OF ME AND START TO RUN OFF AS SOON AS I OPEN MY MOUTH AND PROVE THAT I CAN SPEAK ENGLISH? WELL, I'M NOT GOING TO LIE, THAT'S VERY FLATTERING, NOW IF YOU COULD JUST STOP STEALING MY PHONES AND SCRAMBLING THEM, WE COULD PROBABLY START COOKING WITH SOME GAS, AND SPEAKING OF WHICH THERE'S THREE PROPANE TANKS HERE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S IN THEM, AND I DIDN'T INTENTIONALLY BURN THROUGH ALL OF YOUR CLANDESTIN AGENTS IN THE AREA ALL AT ONE FELL SWOOP AFTER I IDENTIFIED THEM ALL WHEN THEY WALKED UP TO ME ONE BY ONE, SLOWLY WEEK BY WEEK EVERY MONTH, WHAT CAN I SAY ONE DAY I JUST GOT BORED, LONELY, DEPRESSED, AND DECIDED FUCK IT: I'M GOING TO SEND A MASS MAIL SMS MESSAGE TO EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE PEOPLE AND TELL THEM THAT I KNEW FROM THE VERY FIRST SECOND I LAID EYES ON THEM THAT THEY WERE MADE. I HOPE THIS DIDN'T WE CAN YOU SLEEPING DOGS THAT WERE LYING, OR MAKE SOMETHING IS SOMETHING THAT IT WASN'T, OR BREAK THE HEARTS OF ANY SHERIFF'S DAUGHTERS, BUT... LOOK, YOU SENT DUDES TO SELL ME DOPE, AND THEY SOLD ME SHITTY DOPE, AND YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT I KNEW THAT IT WAS THE WORST DOPE MANAGEABLE, AND THEY RIPPED ME OFF AND LIED TO ME AND THEY ABANDONED ME AND FUCKED ME OFF, AND THEN WEEKS LATER I TOLD THEM ALL THAT THEY WERE TOTAL DORKS, AND EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T TELL ANYBODY ELSE THEY ALL JUST ASSUMED THAT I TOLD SOMEBODY ELSE AND THEN THEY ALL TURNED AND GOT A SCARED AND WITH THEIR PANTS AND RAN? WELL, THAT SOUNDS LIKE SUCH A SAD STORY. YOU WANT TO TAKE SOME MOLLY AND FUCK ABOUT IT UNTIL WE GET OVER IT? OR YOU JUST WANT TO KEEP ON PLAYING WITH YOUR LITTLE “EMERGENCY?” AND NOW, THERE, RIGHT THERE, AT THE SOURCE OF THE WORD BEGINNING, I'VE PUT QUOTES AROUND THE WORD AT THE BEGINNING OF THE END IN ORDER TO MAKE IT MORE NOTICEABLE THAT IT'S A VERBATIM QUOTE FROM YOU THAT THERE IS AN EMERGENCY, AND I'VE BEEN ASKING FOR 11 MONTHS IF NOT ALMOST 12:00, ANYONE EVERYONE TO ALL PEOPLE WITHIN EARSHOT, WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING “EMERGENCY” IN THIS FUCKING TOWN? BECAUSE I HAVE A FUCKING EMERGENCY IN MY PANTS, YOU DICKLESS ’N' DICKBREATHED WUNDERKINDS. I'M WATCHING YOUR COURT TRY A CASE RIGHT NOW. IT'S ON YOUTUBE, IT'S INCREDIBLE, I LOVE LIVING IN THE FUTURE. THEY'RE DOING A DUI CASE. YOU KNOW I HAD TWO DUIS WHEN I WAS A KID BEFORE 21, DIDN'T SO MUCH START EARLY AS FINISH LATE, AND LET ME TELL YOU THESE DRAMA SCHOOL DROPOUTS ARE DOING PRETTY GOOD. ALSO, AND THIS IS GOOD, THEY ALL CAN HEAR ME EVEN THOUGH I'M HOME AND THEY HAVE TO PRETEND LIKE THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS. LOL. JUST THEN, THE JUDGE GOT ALL TENSED UP, LIKE, HIS VOICE JUST SOUNDED LIKE HIS IT ANUS JUST CLENCHED UP. PROBABLY BECAUSE IT DID. I LIKE THIS JUDGE HE'S ONE OF THE NEW ONES. YEAH I ROLLED TO THIS TOWN THEY HAD THREE JUDGES AND THEN WITHIN RAPIDS SHORT ORDER THEY ONLY HAD ONE JUDGE LEFT. AT LEAST THAT THEY WERE WILLING TO SHOW ME. THEY DON'T WANT ME COMMUNICATING WITH ANYBODY IN THIS TOWN, NOT IN THIS COUNTRY, NOT IN THIS PLANET, I AM BEING HELD IN COMMUNICADO, QUITE SILENTLY. NOW, YOU MIGHT THINK THAT'S AGAINST THE RULES, AND IT IS, BUT... SOME BIG FAT TALL FUCKING AUSTRIAN FUCK THINKS IT'S A GOOD FUCKING IDEA TO SEAL ME OFF FROM THE WHOLE GODDAM WORLD SO WE CAN HAVE HIS LITTLE FUCKING SUPER DUPER PRESENT-BABY, BABY-PRESENT. AND THEN, AT THE SAME TIME, SOME SAD FAT BALD FUCK, WHO HAS THE MONEY THE DRUGS AND THE CAPACITY TO FAKE EVIDENCE TO CONVINCE SOMEBODY WHO'S A FUCKED-OFF MIND CONTROL CHEERLEADER WITH BRAIN DAMAGE THAT SHE'S BEEN MARRIED DURING THE WHOLE TIME, THAT SHE'S HIS WIFE, HE'S RUNNING AROUND BEING A DOUCHEBAG, WHILE SHE'S RUNNING AROUND PLAYING IN THE HE'S THE BEST MAN EVER, AND NOBODY'S FUCKING BUYING IT BECAUSE THIS IS THE BEST GRASSROOTS SURVEILLANCE ANTI-COUNTER INTELLIGENCE PROBE PROGRAM EVER MADE BY THE MIND OF MAN AND THE HANDS OF A HUNGARIAN—A HUNGRY HUNGRY HUNGARIAN. I'VE BEEN LIVING IN A THREE-BEDROOM FARMHOUSE ON 4.1 ACRES OF DYING DEAD CONSECRATED BURIAL GROUND LAND, SO ADMITTEDLY NOT THE MOST SCRUMPTIOUS OF DIGS, BUT I DO HAVE A LOT OF SQUARE FOOTAGE, AND ABSOLUTELY NO ONE HAS BEEN HERE WITH A TWAT THAT WASN'T A FUCKING UNDERCOVER AGENT, OR A CONFIDENTIAL INFORMANT WHO'S ALREADY BEEN BRIBED, AND THE REASON WHY, IS CUZ I'M NOT STUPID EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING I DO UNTIL THIS GODDAMN CASE GOES AWAY IS GOING TO BE FUCKING TRACK PACKED AND RACKED, I'M SEEING FUCKING DEA ALL OVER THE FUCKING TWITTER, ALL OVER THE TWEETY IS PEOPLE WHO LOOK LIKE PEOPLE I KNOW BUT THEY'RE NOT PEOPLE I KNOW AND I WOULD JUST BE OVERJOYED TO RECONNECT WITH THEM AND TALK TO THEM AGAIN WOULDN'T I? WOULDN'T I? OH YEAH THERE WOULDN'T BE ANY KIND OF FUCKING SKETCHY KIND OF FUNNY BUSINESS THERE, I WOULDN'T BE GETTING SET UP THERE, NOW WOULD I? WELL THAT'S WHERE YOUR FUCKING WRONG, KIDDO. “BRING ME SOME FUCKING WHORES—OR ELSE!!!” HAHA, JUST KIDDING, THE CLANDESTINE AGENT WHO HAS BEEN LYING TO ME FOR 6 YEARS, WHO WAS MARRIED WHEN I MET HER, OR IS MARRIED STILL, AND IN ANY CASE REPRESENTATIVE HERSELF AS A WOMAN WHO WITH HER OPEN FACE BALDLY HANGING OUT HAD HAD TWO BABIES FROM TWO DIFFERENT BABY DADDIES AND EXPECTING ME TO GIVE MONEY, CUZ THAT'S WHAT LOVE WAS, THIS WOMAN WHO INFECTED ME WITH SPACE HERPES AND THE TEXAS HIVVY, IS THAT PRESENT, SOMEWHERE IN THE WORLD, GOING ON AND ON ABOUT HOW SHE'S MOVED ON AND SHE'S DOING FINE AND SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GO BACK, WHILE HER CHILDREN ARE BEING USED AS PAWNS AGAINST HER BEING THREATENED TO BE TAKEN AWAY IF SHE DOESN'T GO DOWN THE PARTY LINE, WHICH IS OF COURSE THAT I'M A TERRIBLY INSIGHTFUL INCISIVE AND FUCKED OFF DRUG ADDICT. HEY, GUESS WHAT? I'M NOT A DRUG ADDICT AT ALL. YOU'RE JUST REALLY BAD AT DOING SURVEILLANCE, LET ALONE READING IT, AND I'M NOT ANYTHING LIKE AN INTELLIGENCE IT WAS TRAINED AT LANGLEY, OH NO NO I DIDN'T EVER GO TO LANGLEY I JUST GOT GAS THERE WHEN MY DAD FUELED UP HIS BOAT ON PUGET SOUND. LONG STORY SHORT, TOO LONG DIDN'T READ, YOU MOTHER FUCKERS HAVE BEEN PLAYED FROM THE HILT FROM FUCKING DAY FUCKING ONE OF THIS WHOLE GODDAMN THING AND THAT WAS WAY LONGER THAN FUCKING 5 YEARS AGO THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR A WHILE AND HERE I AM HERE I STAND LOOKING AT DOWN AT WHAT YOU SIT ON AND I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT THE FUCK YOU BEEN DOING YOU'VE GOT CRIME AFTER CRIME AFTER CRIME GOING ON RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU ALL RELATED TO ME AND NOT ONE SINGLE FUCKING OFFICER HAS EVER COME TO MY FUCKING FACE AND ASK ME TO FUCKING GIVE A STATEMENT, GIVE A DEPOSITION, OR SUSPECTED THAT HE MIGHT GAIN SOME FUCKING INSIGHT INTO THE GOD DAMN WORLD AROUND HIM IF HE FUCKING TOOK THE FUCKING TIME, TO GO ACROSS THE STREET, PAST INTERNATIONAL JEWEL LEERERS, AND LISTEN TO A MAD, MAD, MAD DIPLOMAT, MAD HUNGARIAN, WHO MAD-LEE FUCKING—GOES & KNOWS, & EVERY GODDAM BODY, BUDDY: YOU RELEASE THAT SOULMATE, BECAUSE THEY WERE THERE, THEY WERE OFFERED SANCTUARY, THERE WAS A SANCTUARY OFFER OPEN ON THE TABLE, YOU FUCKING KNOW IT, YOU FUCKING HEARD IT, AND YOU DIDN'T FUCKING TELL THEM. THE KARMIC DEBT LOAD YOU HAVE INCURRED FOR YOURSELF IN EVERY SINGLE MEMBER OF YOUR ORGANIZATION, WHICHEVER ONE THAT IS, IS BEEN TOTALED UP TO BE GREATER THAN THE SUM TOTAL CALORIE JOULES OF THE COMBINED TOTAL HEAT DEATHS OF ALL THE UNIVERSES CONTAINING THE NAMES OF PLANETS NAMED EARTH EVER SINCE GOD EVER CREATED ONE. I KNOW THAT SOUNDS LIKE A LOT, BECAUSE IT IS, WAY MORE THAN YOU THINK IT IS TOO AND YOU ARE ON DECK FOR EVERY SINGLE FUCKING BIT OF IT. LUCKILY, HOWEVER, I HAVEN'T FILED MY TAXES FOR A LITTLE WHILE, EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE BEEN PAID THE WHOLE TIME, SO EVERYTHING WAITS ON ME TO SIGN A LITTLE PIECE OF PAPER, NOT BECAUSE YOU NEED ANY MONEY, BUT ALL BECAUSE I NEED TO TESTIFY THE FACT THAT I'VE TOLD YOU THE TRUTH THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING TO THE TRUTH ABOUT MY FUCKING MONEY, WHICH I HAVEN'T FUCKING GOTTEN ANY OF, BECAUSE I DON'T GET ANY MONEY. AND DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY? BECAUSE MY WIFE GETS IT ALL. AND THEN HER VAMPIRE LORD DEA FAKE ASS FUCK HEAD FUCK HEAD HUSBAND FUCKING STEALS IT ALL, AND NOBODY HAS BEEN IN A POSITION TO REPORT THIS BECAUSE EVERYBODY KNOWS IS A FUCKING THUG CORRUPT COP, OR BEING BLACKMAILED UNDER EXTORTION AND DURESS BY THE CPS, OR IS ME, THE MOST PATIENT AND GENEROUSLY DELIGHTED OF MEN, ACCOMPANIED ON DAILY WALKS WITH JESUS, CONVERSES WITH G-D ON A DAILY BASIS ABOUT WHAT A BUNCH OF NUMB-DUMB KUCKING KUNTAY-KINTAYS, WHO FUCKING LISTEN TOO FAR, FAR TOO MUCH UNBELIEVABLE, UNBELIEVABLY
unglaublich AS WELL AS FULL-ON ILLEGAL, UTTERLY UNLAWFUL, AND, KNOW: EWE SHOULDN'T BE HAVING ANY OPINION OF THEIRS AT ALL, EXPRESSED EITHER WHOLE OR IN PART, ANYTHING IN THEIR PRETTY LITTLE G-D DAMN HEAD ABOUT WHAT AN ACTUAL MAN ACTUALLY DOES, EEEWW, FUCKING. LIKE, COITUS? GROSS. SO GROSS. TOTESLEZ THOTBITCHES: LOOK, LOOK, IT'S NOT THAT YOUR “I AM LESBIAN! I AM MY BIRTHRIGHT!” IS CHILDISH IMMATURE, AND REMINISCENT OF FIGHTING IN THE ROMPER ROOM PLAYGROUND ANNEX AT LUNCH TIME OVER WHO'S WEARING THE SEXIER JUMPER AT AGE 12, IT'S THAT YOU, YOURSELF, YES, YOU: YOUR MORALS ARE COMPLETELY TOTESAMORAL, LIKE, LIKING “THE WHOLE SEX WITH WOMEN THING” AS A, LIKE, LIKE AN *EXCLUSIVE* THING? I MEAN SURE: TRAINED BY JESUS, INSPIRED BY GANDHI, AND SIMULTANEOUSLY ALL OF MY PHONES ARE TAPPED, AND FORWARDED, AND HACKED, SO ANYBODY WHO'S IN ATTRACTED TO ME SUDDENLY GETS CAST OFF AND SENT TO ISTANBUL WITH HER SOLD TO ACHMED WITH A CAMEL. FACT. THAT SHIT ACTUALLY HAPPENS. FACT. AND WHEN FUCKING GOING TO FUCKING GOONEY-GOO-GOO UP YOUR FUCKING ASSHOLE, BUDDY-GIRL GETS OLD AND TIRED ENOUGH, THE SOUL LEAVES THE BODY LEAVING A ROBOT BEHIND IN HIS PLACE AND TRAVELS TO FIND A NEW PLACE IN COOKIE WHERE I CAN GET A NEW CHANCE TO COME BE WITH ME, WHERE, PSYOP STRIKE TEAMS ENGAGE IN THE SAME CYCLE OVER AND OVER AGAIN. IT IS AS THOUGH EVERY GIRLFRIEND I'VE EVER HAD OR EVER WILL HAVE OR EVER WANTED TO HAVE IS TRAPPED IN A TIME LOOP ON THE ENTERPRISE C WHERE THEY KEEP GOING IN AND OUT OF A VORTEX OF SPACE-TIME THAT CRASHES THEM INTO KELSEY GRAMMER'S BATTLE BRIDGE, OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN, AND COME TO THINK OF IT, CRASHING INTO KELSEY GRAMMER'S BATTLE BRIDGE IS A GREAT EUPHEMISM FOR KIRSTIE ALLEY'S HOME VIDEOS, WHO BY THE WAY, DID NOT DIE DIE, SHE JUST CHANGED HER NAME AFTER SHE GOT A CURE FOR CANCER, BECAUSE IT WOULD BE AWKWARD IF SHE WERE FAMOUS AND ALIVE AND CANCER CURED, BECAUSE THEN EVERYBODY WOULD WANT TO BE HAVING SEX WITH 4-DAY-OLD SPOCK FOR HIS PONN-FAR AFTER USING WHAT MUST BE A VERY EFFECTIVE SEDUCTION TECHNIQUE FOR A VULCAN, DROPPING TO HIS KNEES OPENING HIS MOUTH WIDE THROWING HIS HEAD BACK AND SCREAMING IN EXISTENTIAL AGONY. NOW, DOESN'T THAT SOUND GOOD, I SHOULD TRY THAT ONE OF THESE DAYS.
OKAY, WHAT'S NEXT? OH, YEAH. COURT.
RIGHT TO A SPEEDY TRIAL: VIOLATED.
RIGHT TO DUE PROCESS: VIOLATED.
RIGHT TO RETAIN EFFECTIVE REPRESENTATION: SEXCRIME. VIOLATED, SEXCRIME VIOLATION.
FREEDOM FROM RELIGIOUS & SPIRITUAL PERSECUTION PRODUCING AN UNDENIABLE, AT THIS POINT, EXPRESSION OF FOCUSED, INCESSANT, UNREASONABLY FARCICAL AMOUNTS OF RELENTLESSLY INCESSANT BULLYING OF A TARGETED INDIVIDUAL (TI): NOT GOING TO LIE, AT THIS POINT—I'M BANKING ON IT.
Hi. My name is Jack, and I am a star, and what's more, I have
always been a star. These tool boxes on this site, they thought that I was looking to get them to get me to be gotten promoted. When I first became aware of the impression that some here had that it was up to me to give some sort of energy or recompense in exchange for their alleged ability to enhance my social media profile, for example or my ability to walk and talk with chicks while chewing gum, or to penetrate the mysteries of the secrets of the requests for naked pictures of Bea Arthur, well, I was appalled.
Fame?
(Fame!) I don't want to live forever. That already sounds like a nightmare in which my laundry pile is waking me up every morning calling my name, and unless my name is “Ivana Suckyourchoppercopperheadmastersofopsdick,” that doesn't sound good to me. Fame, that is.
(Lame!) You know what sounds good to me, *.Gab? Just that, right there: Stargab. Turbo Stargab, and when I get done uplifting these bad baby bad boy bad bitches up from their bottomless depths of fucked off nightmare ghost sigh up hell, that they've been living in for oh Christ how long has it been since Bush died, well multiply that by 12:00, that's how long These People have been living in their own private version of a crystalline vision-Matrix-prison ★shape 🍒 mirrored RED universe 🍏 iPhone totesfucked cockedup totesNEXT! marriage¡hell, Hell, Hell? I HAVE BEEN THERE. HELL, that is.
meanwhile, these soft baby belly buccaneers, have been the swimming pools, been swimming with movie stars and been fucking swimming with fucking movie stars that they are fuckin’ actual, fuckin’ fucking, and with, and let me be clear, quite Crystal clear, I am talking about having actual coitus and then fucking with that person that you're actually having coated with while you're fucking fucking around fucking whatever the fuck, you fuck know, what? Look,
what the fuck are you fucking a55holes,
actually fucking doing?? *ahem* Well... a true answer, a Hemingwayesque-answer, is quite simple: ART. WE. DO. ART. (Some with style, some without, however I am at this time completely unable to either confirm or deny that any one of us does it, while actually being actually named Stile. Turn, Stile, Art. ¡Kucz Co.! !KamerON⁰ⁿ¡ Klieg Lights, installed by exceptionally skilled and yet highly inconspicuous, insufferably polite, and utterly without reason, fear, or the awareness of, either or any of the things we're saying we say... because they all know me, and if I'm sprung, they want to know what the lips look like pointed up the ceiling through her legs while she dances around those boots and that (*right hand flies to mouth, teeth I have left, biting knuckle fiercely, BY THE POWER OF MY (CENSORED), I HAVE THE PROOF: (PROT) BOINKED THE JEW’S BEANIE, I\eYe/Aye, MICHAEL CLIPPERCUSI (Really, Dude? Who, serious Who, Serious Inquiry, WHO is saying MY NAME over and over even more than I do, like a Thai hooker overdosing on battery crank + RoboCop speed, NO LIMIT with the session HOLD on my lesson HIM, KING that won't quit going downTOWN, no matter what, MATEY, I just won't stop, CHECK, until he\she\OR-it reaches the top—oh, oh dear, I remember Orit... she was so beautiful when I saw her last, playing the piano and singing with me, I couldn't tell you a single fucking thing about what makes a singer into a soprano, but I can tell you this: I wanted to fuck her to high heaven and love the life right out of her and back into her too, preferably out of her mouth and through the part above the loo. Hey, Ladies, I can barely remember, and I bet you have The Troubles Part II, and what with the seethingly sexy voice like hers that she had had for me, she damn well ought to have been getting laid, or paid, or, fucking mother, fucking Mother G-d Damn FUCK! something, or so I thought at the time. At the time, because I was too young, too dumb, and utterly, fabulously and inconceivably immature in the ways of The World Of Elevation Entertainment Business... it didn't even occur to me to ask her for her phone number, knowing as I did that one day I would completely come to dominate the entire world communication infrastructure through my powers of telepathy telekinesis and telly “I'm one sharp razor, two sharp clean jerks of the wrist, and three bald-faced fat-faced dunce-cap-headed totes
in toto goddam rat-fucking goddam fucks away from Mother Kojak_Actual motherfucker, uhm...
Hey, wait a minute, who am I ready to hear? Who am I ready to hear writing to and from here?
(it is possible that it may be time to call The Bureau Of Weights And Measures. They really in fact do wield a lot of power in the Federal government.
Tommyknockers, Tommyknockers, knocking at my door, late last night and the night before, I “do” cocaine all night with Stephen King, so he was little paranoid, you know—COCAINE, ABUSE, INSECURE ABOUT THE PARANORMAL, DO YOU EVEN HAVE SHIELDS BRO? I'm his worst fucking nightmare at a house party, I'm like Ebenezer Scrooge and his three visions of ghosts all rolled into one, and we're all ready to do an intervention! at! any! time!—I told him about how much of a total badass it is being a Divinely Ordained Magickal Being, a Sourceror, & a Paladin —I don't want to say I'm “the full package,” because I'm not capable of washing windows or even wiping my own ass
proper— and he looks at himself just being an alcoholic, and a recovering one at that, because one is always a recovering alcoholic when you buy into that bullshit and he wrote
The Shining, he really has to sell it, he has to be a alcohol guy, and I could care less, you know, anyway.
Steve-0 and I go way way back, and the reason why he hates being called “Steve-0” is because of me. I did it, I'm the_one, I
confess.
