Ask Azzerae Anything

[WORTHAUGERa]

Jackstar’s a spambot

You are a corrupted, devolved antedecedent of your future past life, who may well have been lynched upon arrival from... uh, "up there." Call it Asgard, or Heaven, or "The Afterlife," whatever it was, you chose to come back, only to find... well, corruption. That isn't a cool thing. And to a great extent, I have compassion and understanding for you.

I also have contempt for your peers and an undeniable desire to see you get exactly what it is that you deserve. I do not know what that might be; but due to circumstances that were unforseen by The Divine, in previous cycles, you're essentially left to stew in Life in an "unwinnable state." Your soul's sole purpose is to do... something, and that person is not available to you. Not one other soul can fill the void that has been left behind due to... I don't really know. Something. Some say "it was the Holocaust!" But you're more recent. Perhaps a more minor kerfuffle.

and he’s allowed here.  ???

I could help you determine why this circumstance came to be, what do to do about it, and how you could best proceed to achieve your aims in life... which it would seem obvious to all, have something to do with me, and, are not going to be fulfilled without some kind of exogenous aid.

Number one, you aren't very bright anymore. Number two, you're creepy AF. Number three, you're demonstrably ineffective at, well... basically everything. And, number four: obviously, you are my mess. I should step up and take responsibility, eh? Eh? Well, I think *pop* hissssssssss... I'm going to open another 12 oz. can of alcoholic beverage, and just... think things through.

While drinking. *sips booze* Ahhh, freedom. Truly, it is no small thing.



Now, are you gonna stay in denial for very much longer, little paedo princess... or are you gonna produce? It's basically all the same to me. I do not enjoy your suffering... and I also have no idea what it derives from, haven't bothered to investigate the matter, and have found, over the years... that I myself am perfectly content to have you trapped like a bottlefly in amber as a result of your past choices. Whatever they were.

Someone more craving the sweet relief of actual_rescue has rarely been more apparent. What is likely not evident to you is that you clearly can do it yourself... but you want someone else to do it, and you want them to be demonstrably enthusiastic about the whole thing. Your little psychodrama. Your scenario.

Your script. Whatever it may be. It seems to involve being disagreeable, being sassy, and being unaware of how maladaptive this whole head trip actually is.

"a spambot." Number one: my walls of text are not spam, for they are desired by many. Number two: I am not a bot of any kind. Number three: That's the role your M. Controller has provided for you. I bet you'd like a new one. Well, a bit of trouble with that.

I don't have permission to run another man's root executables. And I have no interest in meddling... especially on this topic. People are irate about this whole thing, "Master Troll", da. Da! Da, Tovarisch! I really haven't any animosity towards any of you, but certainly not you.

Now, if you would be so kind as to return my enchanted wedding fork, I shall continue establishing dominance, and we all may continue foreward as One. Alternately: continue whinging ineffectively. Who am I to say? Maybe it's a secret tradition.

Or, maybe you're all totesboned and I am content... to gaze upon the extent of the reach of my Demesne. If one has never been Lord of a Demesne before, I highly recommend picking one up. It is not breathtaking, it is not awe-inspiring.

It is a Divine and magnificent experience, and it is MINE. Like my girlfriends. (Ladies: give yourself new names. The previous monikers fail to please me. Start brainstorming, and you will be well-pleased that you heeded my suggestion. Alternately: do whatever the fuck it is that you have been doing, since, like, you're all superstars. Look, there's only so much I can do before it looks hella creepy, you dig?) I don't know where they are. I don't know what they are doing. I know they are girls. I know they are my friends. I know that it's gonna be a cold day in Hell before any of them acknowledge me as theirs.


Good. They should take their time. Think things through. Have a Fresca(R)(TM)? Just a suggestion. Drink each other's piss for all I care. I am not the boss of any of thee.

Jackstar’s a spambot

And your mother is not a whore, but is a hostage. What do you want me to do? Light a fire under your ass? Probably.


INTERVENTIONS OF THE DIVINE SHALL CONTINUE UNTIL SATISFACTORY RESULTS HAVE BEEN ACHIEVED. - The MgT

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It's not time for bed, buddy. It's time to be effective. Don't break a leg: break your conditioning.
The exploitation of women and children, sexual or not, is such an exceedlingly vile and revolting activity that I honestly dont know what to do about most examples beyond glassing the surface of your world, Punylings. (Standards.) Yet I know that this is not necessary at all.

None of this is at all necessary. And yet... around and around you all go. And routinely, I'm encouraged to do something about it. Oh, I don't think any of you would like that very much. Still: that's the mission.

I am on a mission from God. You are all on a mission, and it's top secret. Oh, I know I feel inspired. But is that inspiration effective? Hang on.

* WORTHAUGERa obeys the law.

A man, his daughter, and a K-9 unit trained to act like "just a poorly-trained guard dog" walk into a house. Q: Who walks out?

A: Whomever the military with jurisdiction orders, and they make it look real normal-ish. Is there even anyone there but a captured Archon? I have absolutely no way of knowing... and if I were told, that would annihilate the integrity of the ongoing exercise.

I would prefer not to do that. I would also prefer that this broad figures out her own deal and stops imagining that I'm going to instigate a rebellion against my own country's government, commit what amounts to high treason, and risk my scintillating and spotless reputation so that she doesn't have to admit out loud that she really desires what she has been ordered to never do... with me. Other people? Yep, I guess so. Seems like it. But, never me.

And then I'm accused in multiple jurisdictions of that; am routinely denigrated; and my only offense is... well, I don't feel like violating consent at all, and if I did... do I need to be on camera with a dude, and a dog, and a feeling like somebody is always watching me? Well, yeah, of course i do. It's their property, right? So, their rules.

It's the dumbest fucking scenario I have ever imagined, and, hey, here's an idea: maybe the three (3) trips to the psych ward were a sign from Divine Command, or whatever the fuck any of you all think. I like her... I don't like bait. I also don't like getting played by someone who thinks yelling at me like I am his child, on his front lawn, is a good idea. Nope. Sure wasn't.

False reality karmic tunnel cycles are completely inescapable... until one completely fulfills their Holy destiny. She wants me to knock his twerpy ass the fuck out and then dominate her. Sexually. While she protests, of course, because she wants to virtue signal. That's the fantasy. She doens't actually like me. She thinks it's just going to be like the usual. Which is immensely lame. (I phone it in and I have since the 90s. Because she lied.) If she wasn't brainwashed to imagine that I am an opposing force, I do not know what would happen.

But Top Dog, who is way, way more invested in the entire scenario than any actual or foster father has any reasonable position to be, is deadset on making sure that everyone remembers that she's not a real little girl, she's a synthetic asset, she's not his daughter, and he's a high-level military defense contractor, and it is his job to use exotic assets to nail down this case, and this case, of course, is all about me being a secret teleporting drug addict rapist who has been evading capture for 30+ years. I killed her cat. I've been stalking her relentlessly. And i"m so very clever. I know all the tricks! I manipulate the law to my own ends!

And: I somehow sacrificed seven (7) vehicles and twelve (12) celluarl phones and my residential drinking water supply so that... it would look good when I finally sprung the trap on the gal I hadn't laid physical eyes on for a dozen years... and whose name was shrieked out at me with a naked blade on Christmas Eve. Yep; it's all me. I'm the mastermind. It's me! I AM SO DIABOLICAL! Except, wait a minute...


Who are the other women running the other 5 (five) phone numbers? I retract the question. None of my business, obviously.


That's where we are at, people. And until this shit is dealt with... Grapefruit ain't coming out from cover for anything. Why spoil the ending? This is exactly what she was hoping for. And... I truly had no fucking idea about any of this. OF COURSE I ASKED. They all lied. To me.

Special. Consequences. And, truly, I bear none of them any ill will. They were all manipulated by outside forces. Some of whom... well, I won't name them because MIGGERNILLA is enough. Biff? Hey, bruh. BTW: you're both a complete twat, and, you have a twat, and I guess you think grooming is cool, huh? Guess what, bruh. Grooming is not cool, and it will never be cool again. I have nothing better to do with my time than to eliminate your fringe queer group's abiity to "reproduce," which is really nothing more than FAGINS STEALING CHILDREN AND BRAINWASHING THEM TO BE ULTRA GAY FAG LORD GLUGOTS.

(>Kudos.) The facts are all right there, available for anyone to see. And while I would love to end this quickly (I want to cuddle with Bobcat Goldthwait at this point), it's not my circus. These are not my monkeys. And violence is always my last option. It's just easier in the long run.

Rather like "don't wake up a sleepwalker," right? I only get one shot at this. Also: this is for sweety. She watches this whole thing with rapt adoration. Because I was not deceiving her. She was lied to. By whom, I don't really care. And I had no reason to lie to her. Now, she knows that.

And ALL of this is being watched by MULTIPLE alphabet squads. it's fuckin' HUGE compared to Wimbledon. And... no one really knows what's going on.

Winning. Full-the-fuck-on  WINNING. That's what is going on. (Oh, you're welcome.) And i know all of you know all of this. None of you want to tell me, that's all.

Why? Am I going to bust you? Ho ho ho. Like I give a fuck. I'd sooner drink my 10-year-old bongwater than dial 911. That's hackneyed.

All this guy has to do is admit that the investigation has revealed no indications that I am in any way a rapist, have rape-like tendencies, or desire coercive sex. With anyone. I've tried. it's lame. I suppose if I had rapejuice and a syringe, but... I don't want that either. Overpowering dominance is not at all an interest of mine.

Now then. Whose interest might that be? Because this dude is invested in the Kuczi Needle Raper narrative. I'm pretty sure he was responsible for the spam. And the rumors, many of them. Going back a long ways. And he's had this dingbat on total medicated lock down FOR DECADES.

So, what am I going to do? Kick in the door under Divine Authority? No fucking way, duh. (MV did that already.) Do I really look like an out of control drug-and sex- addict? Yeah to many of you, I just bet I do.

Professionals see things differently. And, I do too. Happy anniversary. Am I an effective z-gger or what? And they told you I had a brain tumor. ahahah. That's not tumor. IT'S JUST MORE BRAIN.


*poite cough* I'm going to slam and look for women in town. (Optics are everything at this level.) I probably won't get attached. Neverthless... all it takes is one person to figure out what the deal is here. And then, just like that *poof* I'm gone, never to be heard from again.

I don't mean to be threatening anyone, but I almost don't know why that hasn't happened yet, and then I remember that Grapefruit had 800K peeps on her Twitter that she never even admitted to having. it's still suspended. She is still beloved. There is not one chance in goddam motherfucking Hell I'm going to just vanish.

Nah. I would leave them all a loan. Still, not real likely. Does that mean one should tempt fate? Bah! This is all nonsense.

IT IS A SHITSHOW PSYCHODRAMA AND THIS DUDE WHO IS NOT HER FATHER IS BEING PAID HANDSOMELY TO ENSURE THAT I AM SOMEHOW CAUGHT UP IN LEGAL TROUBLE. SURPRISE! I FUCKING WON'T BE. I ALREADY WOULD BE LONG GONE, EXCEPT: dingbats need help, Jackstar helps dingbats. it's what I do. Lately it is all I do.

Because I said so. Thats Wye. This really doesn't have to be a big deal. Nevertheless... it really is. A big deal. I don't know why. It is probably a secret.

She pulled a knife and demanded answers. Jackstar provides. So there. (Art is fabulously delighted and I'm glad for that. He loved that Long John Nebel show. Did any of you want to make a shitload of money? Because we could just retool it and launch it once the investigation is over. Kinda awkward now. Oh, wait, let me guess: you all know that and you haven't told me because someone else was gonna murder me and wear my clothes. Cool plan, let's trust it.) Now, I know what you're thinking... shouldn't I keep this kind of thing politely discreet?

Yeah. I should. Maybe I'm hoping pate will bust me for stalking his wife at point of apex climax. I can just see the Pillsbury Doughboy slapping the bracelets on me for frightening his life partner.

* WORTHAUGERa thinks this one over a lil' bit.

i think you and Beulah would make a cute couple. Maybe you can hurry up and stick your dick in that lying lesbeaux hoor as well. Come on... live a little! Go for the gusto! Or, uhm, are you, like... done raping juicedup broads now? Figures.

Everything is already hackneyed before I hear a word about it. Alas, oh well. Maybe you can dodge thrown sticks.


Or not. It's in the hands of God. (Nice little racket you've got going on, DEA. Good luck storming the castle!) Certainly I'm not important enough to matter. That's what you have a Conservatorship for, eh? Eh? Oh that's just something I made up.

I didn't think i was ever going to get sex from Private Benjamin's ex-future wife. Techinically I haven't. What I needed were answers. What I got was a bunch of bullshit and snide looks and accusations of misconduct. Conduct this: fuck you.


Your circus. Your monkeys. God's wrath. My ennui. The Hall of Justice's unfathomably tasty and juicy financial liability. And a paid actor's pay day... like two years ago or something. I will say this for Square traditions: they are impressive to watch unfurl.

Meanwhile, useful and productive economic activity has been stone cold drop dead stuck for years and eventually the question will be raised... "What did this accomplish?" Well, as it turns out, I know. No one will ask me, however.

No one really wants to know. They just want the nightmare to end. Like the pillow talk. Adieu.

[WORTHAUGERa]

he’s allowed here.  ???

I was just banned. Reasons unknown. Lasted about a day. IDGAF either way. I am more fatigued by this bullshit than you can possibly imagine.

And I should just shut up, right. I don't know if you have the self-awareness required to notice something. THAT'S FUCKING WITNESS TAMPERING AND OBSTRUCTION IN ANY OTHER CIRUCUMSTANCE AND IN THIS CARNIVAL, IT'S BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO EMBARASSS MY COUNTRY ANY MORE THAN YOU DUMBASSES ALREADY HAVE.

Your attitude is shit. Our association ends all pretense of civility. I do not fear or need you, and you, and your chums, are unconscionable, incorrigible assholes.

Happy birthday. Go get yourself a biffle or something. You have zero reason to swing your weight around on me and, what, is it fuckin' pig pile day? Again? Dude.

Your authoritative presence: gone with the wind. "Please leave!" NIGGER PLEASE.



You had your chance to pretend I'm trouble. Yeah, for who? Your cunting bosses, that's who. Surprise! They will never do shit to you, and no one else will either.

Alternately you're even guiltier than I might have imagined and I still don't give a shit. You don't want money, you want annhiliation. You're a fucking nihiist about it all. BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING BRAINWASHED BY MILITARY DOPE AND ABUSES OF POWER AND YEAH, YOU DON'T DO REAL WELL FIGHTING THE MAN, DO YA? Well, that's probably because you're a dick.

Imagine being an effective one. "Spambot." "Allowed here." You should whip out a swastika armband compose an opera about how good Hitler's cunt tasted.

So obviously DEA is totally on track here for another grand victory. Fuck them, and fuck this, and maybe pissing me off wasn't a great idea.

Because I guess I could have them all arrested sooner, if I gave a shit, but I don't. I don't even know how many of them there are. I do know that they are way, way, WAY beyond their jurisdiction and while they do have authority... they've abused it. Obviously.

Still---at least you don't have to watch me do ketamine for the very first time in my life. I am 51. Tell you what: pretend I'm sober.


Pretend that fucking matters. You had your chance to matter to me. Do you even bless your karma, bro? Oh yeah, I forgot.

Everyone knows you thought I was dangeous, AND THE WHOLE FUCKING PACIFIC NORTHWEST KNOWS I'M A GODDAM WUNDERKIND. Nice shooting, Catamite Tex. And you're still "allowed" to post here too! What a country!

Imagine being an asset to it. Go bully other children, maybe you'll get some street cred. I know EXACTLY what you are fearful of. Still: don't care.

Hey, here's an idea: why don't you call 911? Oh, right. Cheers, m8. I'm going to go obey the law some more.

* WORTHAUGERa isn't kidding.

Imagine my freedoms. It keeps away the plebs. Also repels: homosexual males with badges. Not that there's anything wrong with them... but I'm not available.

Maybe you should fill out a complaint form. Because exactly no one thinks I am the problem except a mid-tier gang of low-class thug pimpmongers who imagined that hiding behidn me was a power move. It wasn't. And they haven't given up, huh? Wow.

They must be really pissed that it wasn't even all taht hard to do... and no one will ever know what I did. Now, that is power.

I'll be explaining all this elsewhere now. I think mauybe you finally get it. Because you pissed me off... and then seemed surprised that didn't inspire me to action. Quite the oppposite.


I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO IS STILL ALIVE, and I had no idea what had happned, and I'm not your fucking patsy, Sir. Also: Ft. Rock is screwed. Totes.


I am not your consumable item. You all should have grown up long before now. And this is my fault? Eat my shorts.

... which one are you again? Nevermind: IDGAF. Your disapproval carries less weight now.


YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY JUST BEING A WHINING BITCHLORD BECAUSE YOU KNOW GODDAM WELL YOU WORK HAND-IN-GLOVE WITH CORRUPT ELEMENTS OF LAW ENFORCMENT. YOU ARE SIMPLY ACTING LIKE I AM A BIG PROBLEM BECAUSE YOU DO NOT WANT ANYONE TO KNOW WHAT YOU DO.


YOU REAP FEAR AND HARVEST SORROW AND HEY DIPSHIT: THINGS ARE LEGAL NOW. WHY ARE YOU SO WORRIED? OH THAT'S RIGHT THE DUDE WHO PRETENDS TO BE HER HUSBAND COERCED HER INTO ASKING ME TO HELP WITH "WEIGHT" AND THAT WAS THE FUCKING GO SIGNAL. BECAUSE IT'S ALRIGHT FOR HIM TO SMOKE AND RAPE AND BE A FAT SAD FUCK.

OH BUT I'M ON THE FBI MOST WATNED LIST? AND THAT'S WHY YOU JUICED UP MY FRIENDS, AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE IMPRESSED. FUCK YOU, OLD MAN.

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ALL DO, I JUST DON'T CARE. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? HIRE YOU A LAWYER? FUCK YOU.


YOUR WORLD. IT'S SURFACE. FUCKING GLASSED. ASSHOLE. LIKE i GIVE A FUCK, EH? EH? I DON'T EVEN THINK I NEED A FRESCA(TM)(R).



GROW UP.  Seriously sad. Sad!!! SO, SO SAD. Years later, you think anyone gives a shit about your job? I certainly didn't. What, was it an important one? Yeah, I guess, scaring women with threats of "being busted." Get the fuck over youself, Thuggy Claus.

You're not fired. You're simply irrelevant. I have zero reason not to answer any question posed to me. Guess what? NO ONE ASKS, DUMBASS.


CLERGY. THAT IS HOW IT WORKS. Unglaublich. How did you even get this job, anyway? Wild guess: you're someone's kid. Superb. Try being an effective one someday, holy fucking shit.

[AZZERAE]

Jackstar’s a spambot and he’s allowed here.

It is my duty to ensure the safety of the environment my users interact in.

I don't expect you to understand.

If someone is legitimately attempting to sign up and has not been approved, I encourage them to email me at azzerae@gmail.com

[AZZERAE]

I was just banned. Reasons unknown. Lasted about a day. IDGAF either way. I am more fatigued by this bullshit than you can possibly imagine.

It was a 3 day ban, and you know very well what you did to land yourself in that predicament.

[pate]

Jackstar’s a spambot and he’s allowed here. 

Doc,

I saw this vidya the other day:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vC2mlCtuJiU

I think this might be the Final Solution to the MethStar question:

He could be lured into a corner of the board where his posts are recursively fed into that text generator & then the resulting gobbledegook could be fed back to him as a reply!  I guess, Azz would need to make some sort of bot account to make this happen & maybe some light coding would be required as well.

Probably would need to add another tera-byte or so of space to cuntain all the unreadable gibberish posts that would result from this, though.

I think you can get a TB of space pretty much for free from various places online, not that it would need any sort of high security or anything.   If "the data" got lost or accidentally deleted or whatever, I doubt anyone would miss it.

Just a thought.

[Master Trollda]

That’s really more Ellgab kinda stuff, where they need to keep things boring so that none of the old people have heart attacks. Besides, who would we have to make fun of?

[Worthauger]

He could be lured into a corner of the board where his posts are recursively fed into that text generator & then the resulting gobbledegook could be fed back to him as a reply!  I guess, Azz would need to make some sort of bot account to make this happen & maybe some light coding would be required as well.

* Worthauger knows exactly how this works... and has since 2004. (Facts.)

Probably would need to add another tera-byte or so of space to cuntain all the unreadable gibberish posts that would result from this, though.

I think you can get a TB of space pretty much for free from various places online, not that it would need any sort of high security or anything.   If "the data" got lost or accidentally deleted or whatever, I doubt anyone would miss it.

Just a thought.

Dear R•T∆r₹d:


Art selected me to help. I helped. I have helped. I will continue to help. I∆m,H’ll”„HiiīThe🧱&🅱️:Ë:@T!īT!🐝>K∆>K∆>Z∆<z∆>K7≤z©ZI
Î∆≤ïZĪ..⁷••⁷°°7

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too long didn't read, they hired an actor to pretend to be me and then he comes on streams and does stuff that he claims. . I would say it's probably the machine run by Gmomechad and Ben, J∅ann jœÆB4ïⁿ and they have a problem in that I'm alive and they have to monitor my movements and my activities on The Internet so that I never see the robot or the robbed locks or the man pretending to be be me (Ben⁰⅒) actually saying the shit that I wouldn't say (G`rapeⓂ️uh^`Vife, please), and then other people know that it's not me and that it's obvious that it doesn't work. So they've got themselves in a big and sticky wicket. Also, I'm friends with King Charles. He is a great & powerful >KING. He works hard to make money for his country everyday. He muscles the biggest banks. His muscles can move the world. ŒZ©²m=<3ND.THEY.ARE MIND>KŒND.
Your narrative means nothing without content. I am the sole provider of your content. Ergo: you have nothing without me.

QUOT ERAT DEMONSTRATUM: I.am.your.new.💎>King🧊>kNī≤ê.·>KNēLμ🅱️⁴4::©ZÏ<⁷7Zï


You can't pick me up,. Because the weak shall not cari the strong.

[AZZERAE]

That’s really more Ellgab kinda stuff, where they need to keep things boring so that none of the old people have heart attacks. Besides, who would we have to make fun of?

Yeah, it is very EllGab. It's a decent enough goof, but I don't like trapping people in a gay ass zoo. Bart Ell is a fucking fag. Fuck him and the horse he rode in on.

[Worthauger]

Bart Ell is a fucking fag. Fuck him and the horse he rode in on.

Ewe fuck him. You fuck him. What? This is fine.

Morning. NOTHING CAN STOP WHAT IS COMING.
SOMETHING CAN STOP STEALING FROM ME, THOUGH.
THAT'S FOR SURE. HAS ANYONE THOUGHT THIS THROUGH?

IT SEEMS TO ME AS THOUGH THERE MIGHT HAVE BEEN ANOTHER WAY TO NEUTRALIZE MY AREA OF EFFECT WHEN WRITING. FOR EXAMPLE: STOP RAPING MY FRIENDS. NOW,
I KNOW, UNPOPULAR IDEA THESE DAYS.

ON THE PLUS SIDE: THEY COULD HAVE BEEN EFFECTIVE FOR US ALL. NOW, I DARESAY THAT THEY MIGHT NOT BE VERY EFFECTIVE FOR MOST OF YOU NOW. MASS PUBLIC HUMILIATION CAN BE A REAL FAUX PAS, IN A DIPLOMATIC SENSE.

NOTE: I STILL HAVEN'T REPORTED ANYTHING TO PUNYLING OFFICIALDOM, THANK GOD. EVERYTHING SEEMS IN ORDER HERE FOR THE TIME BEING. AS YOU KNOW, I AM A VERY COMPASSIONATE PERSON.

BESIDES, THIS IS HILARIOUS. FOR ME. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT ANYONE ELSE; PHONE ONLY WORKS FOR NUMBERS THE SEX PREDATORS STALKING ME ALLOW. THEY'RE IN CHARGE, RIGHT?

LOL.

GOD IS IN CHARGE. THAT'S WHY I KNOW AT ALL. WAS I SUPPOSED TO BE... ANYTHING? I HAVE NO IDEA.

THIS COULD HAVE ENDED MONTHS AGO. HOWEVER, I GUESS THE NEW FORMULA WORKS GREAT FOR YOU, OR WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING, IT'S SURELY NOT ANYTHING I KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT.

#OFFICIALLY. UNOFFICIALLY, I IN FACT KNEW IT ALL BEFORE.

IT'S NOT THE CRIME. IT'S THE COVERUP. RUB HER FEET.


... OR DOES SHE HAVE OTHER PEOPLE NOW FOR THAT? I'M AFRAID I'M NOT AVAILABLE. (STANDARDS.) I AM SURE YOU
IMAGINED THAT I WOULD BE WAITING BY THE BATHROOM DOOR!

GENTLEMEN, LADIES, REVENANTS, ARCHONS, AND ALL ROY-ELLE DIVINE BLOODLINE DIGNITARIES PRESENT, READ THE TEXT I AM WRITING: Intermittent telepathic contact with Tribal Council is real.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE? A DEAF & BLIND NEEDLE JUNKIE? COME ON MAN. TALK ABOUT MAX COPE, WEW LAD. HAS IT NOT BEEN CONSIDERED THAT I MIGHT HAVE HAD SOME GOOD IDEAS ON HOW TO GAUGE APPROPRIATE LEVELS OF DISCIPLINE?

FOR EXAMPLE: TODAY SEEMED TO BE A BIG WIN FOR SIN. PLAY IT AGAIN? THIS TIME, PUT A LITTLE MUSTARD ON IT.

AND A LOT LESS TRAFFICKING OF WOMEN AND CHILDREN INTO RAPE AND INDENTURED SERVITUDE. SEEMS LIKE ZERO WOULD BE GOOD THERE. I AM SURE THAT THEY LOVE IT, WHAT WITH ALL THAT SMACK, WHICH APPEARS TO INDEED BE SLIMMING.

I SIMPLY THINK IT MAKES MY COUNTRY LOOK BAD. THEY LET YOU GO THIS FAR, HUH? WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE SMOKING TOO MUCH FOR THE NUMBER OF WARCRIMES BEING COMMITTED, AFTER ALL. YOU ARE THE EXPERTS, AFTER ALL.

YOU PROBABLY THINK ALL THIS HATE IS ABOUT YOU, DON'T YOU, DONUT YOU? NAH. NOT EVEN ANY, BRUH. WHY WOULD I BE HATING?

NONE OF THIS IS NEWS TO ME. (WORD.) EXCEPT FOR THE PART WHERE IT SEEMS LIKE YOU DIDN'T THINK I KNEW. I'VE KNOWN FOR THE ENTIRE TIME. 3 AND 1/2 YEARS. DID YOU REALLY IMAGINE THAT I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING?

ALLISTAIR, I AM SHOCKED. WE ARE FAMILY. OF COURSE I KNOW.

I LITERALLY DID EVERYTHING I COULD, AND YOU STILL KEPT GOING. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ LODGE RULES IS LODGE RULES, YOU DIG?

I AM NOT A PROBLEM AT ALL. I TOOK NO OATH TO GUARD ANY SECRETS. LEVEL ZERO. HI. WHAT? AM I MAKING ANYONE LOOK FAT? I AM PUZZLED.

YOU HAVE HAD AMPLE TIME TO DEMONSTRATE THE TRUTH OF THE ALLEGED CLAIMS REGARDING MY BEHAVIOR, ACTIVITIES, ACTIONS, ALIBIS, AND ALL ASSORTED AGGRESSIONS AGAINST ALMIGHTY GOD AND HER AUTHORITY.

ARE YOU DONE YET? AS I REALLY DON'T SEE WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT. YOU'RE NOT JUST DRAGGING TIME SO YOU CAN KEEP ON RAPING HER, ARE YOU? THAT SEEMS LIKE THAT WOULD BE BAD OPTICS. HOW ABOUT THE WATER? NEARLY 2 YEARS NOW WITHOUT RUNNING WATER, THAT SEEMS BAD OPTICS TOO. AND I STILL MAINTAIN I DESERVE A NEW REFRIGERATOR. CERTAINLY, OPINIONS RARELY VARY ALL THAT MUCH AS THEY DO ON THIS POINT.

COURSE IN THE MEANTIME I THINK IT'S PROGRESSED TO THE POINT A NEW HOUSE IS PROBABLY IN THE OFFERING. DO YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW ANYBODY WHO HAS ONE? MAYBE TWO OR THREE? CHECK YOUR OTHER PANTS, I'LL WAIT.

* Worthauger waits patiently on his porch while pissing off it. On the side. Because sometimes the piss can be a little bit Rich for the front steps and, and it's best to have it on the side in case people want to have a choice, or an option.

I'M NOT SURE IF THE IMPRESSION HERE THAT I'M SUPPOSED TO GET IS THAT YOU WANT ME TO CREATE A BIG MEDIA STORM AND WRITE LETTERS TO A WHOLE BUNCH OF PEOPLE AND EXPLAINING WHAT THE SITUATION IS AND THEN FORCE A LEGAL CASE AND THEN HIRE A LAWYER AND THEN TAKE CARE OF IT TO A COURT AND THEN FORCE YOU TO ACTUALLY DO WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO, WHILE YOU LAUGH AND WATCH WHO YOU STARVE TO DEATH, BECAUSE THAT DOES SEEM LIKE BAD OPTICS TO ME, BUT WHO KNOWS, MAYBE THERE'S NOTHING GOING ON THAT I'M NOT AWARE OF.

THAT KIND OF THING CAN HAPPEN.

BUT IT WOULD SEEM TO ME THAT THE SIMPLEST THING WOULD BE TO EVERYBODY STOP IMAGINING THAT I'M SOME KIND OF A PROBLEM, AND START RECONFIGURING YOUR BRAINS WITH SOME MORE OF THAT CM STUFF THAT YOU SEEM TO LIKE SMOKING SO MUCH, I'M NOT SURE HOW YOU DO IT BUT THERE'S PROBABLY A WAY TO CHANGE YOUR LATENT UNDERPINNING AND BRAINWASHING MOTIVE SO THAT INSTEAD OF TRYING TO KILL ME ALL THE TIME YOU ACTUALLY OPERATE AS AGENTS OF WHATEVER TRUST SITUATION IS HAPPENING,, YOU KNOW THE ONE THAT TRUST SITUATION THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO FIND OUT THE TRUTH OF SINCE I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO TALK TO THE WOMAN SINCE SHE'S BEEN BRAINWASHED TO BE MARRIED TO SOMEBODY ELSE WHO'S PRETENDED TO BE ME, OR DOES HE STILL PRETENDED ME? OR DOES HE JUST HAVE A NEW ID NOW?

I SUPPOSE THOSE QUESTIONS MIGHT BE SECRET BOTH IN POSING AND IN ANSWERING, AND IT'S ABOVE MY HEAD ANYWAY I'M JUST SOME SORT OF NEEDLE JERKY, BUT IT DOES SEEM LIKE SOMEBODY MIGHT WANT TO ACTUALLY GET THIS LOOKED INTO IT AN APPROPRIATE WAY BEFORE ANYTHING GETS WORSE, I WOULDN'T REALLY WANT THINGS TO GET ANY WORSE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT WOULD LOOK LIKE, BUT I KNOW THAT I DON'T WANT THEM TO BE WORSE, OR BAD AT ALL, SINCE I DON'T HATE ANY OF YOU, AND I FRANKLY CAN'T IMAGINE WHY ANY OF YOU HATE ME.

EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT I ACTUALLY AM BETTER THAN YOU. I GUESS THAT CAN RUFFLE SOME FEATHERS IN SOME CULTURES. THAT'S TOO BAD. WELL THERE'S ALWAYS TOMORROW. I CANNOT CHANGE ANYBODY IN THIS BEHAVIOR OR ATTITUDE, BUT I CAN ALWAYS BE THE REASON WHY A PERSON TURNS THEIR LIVES AROUND FOR THE BETTER. IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO GET THINGS GOING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

SPEAKING OF WHICH: ANY SUGGESTIONS ON WHERE I SHOULD FIND ANYONE WHO MIGHT KNOW WHERE MY LAMP IS OR ONE OF MY FOUR PLAYSTATIONS OR ONE OF MY FRIENDS OR... LOOK I'LL JUST BE BLUNT.

COWARDLY, CRAVEN, AND CAUGHT INFLAGRANTE DELECTO AS WELL AS RED-HANDED IS NO EASY WAY TO GO THROUGH LIFE, KIDS, BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE: THIS SHOULD CUT DOWN ON THE COSTS OF ANY POTENTIAL TRIAL. ARE THEY STILL HAVING THOSE? I HONESTLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT EVERYBODY'S FIGHTING OVER. I KNOW WHAT I'VE DONE AND I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. I HAVEN'T BEEN PAYING ATTENTION TO ANY OF YOUR THINGS. AND IF THEY HAVE REQUIRED FOR ME TO HAVE PRETENDED TO BE DEAD, NO ONE GIVING YOU A MESSAGE THAT ASKED ME TO DO SO, AND I FRANKLY THINK IT'S REASONABLE FOR ME TO NOT EXPECT TO BE CONTINUE TO BE A TARGETED MURDER FROM THE SAME PEOPLE WHO DON'T NEED TO BE MURDERING ME AND AS WELL HAVE BEEN DELIBERATELY TELLING LIES PUMPING DRUGS INTO A WOMAN THAT I PUT MY DICK INTO HER FOR 5 YEARS, IS THAT REALLY NECESSARY?

DON'T GET ME WRONG, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT HIGH MAINTENANCE, BUT IT'S STILL IT SEEMS LIKE SOMEBODY COULD HAVE THOUGHT OF SOMETHING DIFFERENT BEFORE NOW, ESPECIALLY SINCE IT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED THE SAME WAY IN ANY CASE. I DON'T THINK THAT IT'S A REALLY SHORT PERIOD OF TIME, 3 AND 1/2 YEARS, I THINK WE COULD STAND A LITTLE BIT OF HURRY UP HERE. EXACTLY WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES MY TEETH COLOR AND MY INGESTION PROTOCOL HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING TO DO WITH WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING ACCORDING TO LAW? NOT TO MENTION COMMON DECENCY.

NOT THAT THAT A MATTERS TO YOU AT ALL, BUT I DO REMIND YOU THAT I PROBABLY COULD HAVE HELPED YOU FIGURE OUT A BETTER WAY TO PUNISH EVERYBODY AS WELL AS TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU DIDN'T PUNISH THE WRONG PEOPLE OR TRAFFIC ANY CHILDREN AS WELL AS MURDER ANY INNOCENT CIVILIANS,, JUST SAYING NOT THAT I THINK YOU MEANT TO DO THAT, I JUST THINK I COULD HAVE BEEN HELPFUL IN IF I HAD BEEN SORT OF READ IN.

I WOULD IMAGINE THAT SOME SOME PEOPLE WILL STILL DISAGREE FOREVER ABOUT THE NECESSITY OF MY PLACEMENT IN YOUR LIVES, CERTAINLY ABOUT THE PLACEMENT OF MY NAME AND ANY WILL DOCUMENTS, BUT I'LL STILL TAKE THE MOMENT TO REMIND EVERYBODY THAT I'D REALLY LIKE TO MAKE THINGS FLOW SMOOTHLY AND I WOULD HATE TO MAKE THE BIG MOUNTAIN OUT OF MOLE HILL HERE. SO I DON'T REGRET MY DECISION TO LET YOU ALL HANDLE EVERYTHING INTERNALLY.

CERTAINLY IT HAS BEEN AN EYE-OPENER OF AN ILLUMINATION EXPERIENCE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT ALL MEANS. BUT I DO KNOW WHAT MY CONTINUED SURVIVAL MEANS.

GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME, AND MAYBE HER MOTHER'S COOKING REALLY ISN'T ALL THAT BAD! COULD BE SHE WAS ONLY TRYING TO MURDER ME, YOU KNOW LIKE AN UNCONSCIOUS THING, BUT PERHAPS ONE DAY WHEN THEY'RE NO LONGER BEING HELD AS BONDED HOSTAGE SLAVES BY A BUNCH OF DEA SPURGLORD RAPING THUGGY LOSER WHOREMONGERING DOPE LORDS FROM F**** WHIDBEY ISLAND, I MAY GET A CHANCE TO ASK.

JUST TO CLEAR THE AIR. IT'S REALLY JUST A JOKE. LIKE YOUR CHARADE OF HATRED HAS BEEN. YOU LIKE ME! YOU REALLY LIKE ME! I KNOW YOU DO. THAT'S WHY I KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO KILL ME LAST.

OR NOT AT ALL AGAIN. OR SOMETHING. TO BE FRANK I DON'T REALLY REMEMBER WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT, EXCEPT THAT I GUESS ALL OF YOU THOUGHT THAT I WAS THE EQUIVALENT OF A TURDUCKEN. I SUPPOSE IT'S NO SURPRISE TO YOU AT THIS POINT, BUT IT'S CERTAINLY CAME AS A SHOCK TO BE IN THE FIRST PLACE THAT ANYBODY THOUGHT THAT MY LIFE WAS WORTHLESS OR THAT I WASN'T ENTITLED TO AND INHERITANCE OR THAT ANYBODY THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO GET ANYTHING. LIKE I GUESS THAT REALLY HAPPENS TO SOME PEOPLE, HUH? WEIRD.

WELL MAYBE A LITTLE BIT LESS FROM NOW ON. THIS IS A VERY EXCITING TIME FOR HUMANITY! LOTS OF CHANGES ON THE HORIZON!

DO YOU THINK ONE OF THEM COULD BE THAT I COULD HAVE MY VEHICLES BACK, OR REALLY JUST ONE, AND BEING ABLE TO DRIVE THAT'D BE GREAT, AND IF YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME THAT SOMEBODY ELSE IS BUSY USUALLY MY NAME AND MY VEHICLE, I THINK WE'RE GOING TO HAVE SOME PROBLEMS.

BECAUSE FOR ONE THING, PEOPLE KNOW ME. AND FOR ANOTHER I DON'T REALLY WANT TO PLAY ALONG WITH ANY OF YOUR CHARADES WHEN IT COMES TO VIOLATING FEDERAL LAW.

AND WHY I SUPPOSE IT MIGHT BE THE THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE ENTITLED TO DO ALL THIS BY LAW, I REALLY DON'T THINK THAT EVERY JURISDICTION IS GOING TO AGREE WITH WHAT HAS HAPPENED, AND THEN IT SEEMS AS THOUGH AT LONG TIME AGO YOU PROBABLY COULD HAVE STOPPED TRYING SO HARD. HONESTLY WHAT IS IT GOING TO STAY TO GET PAST THIS?

DO I NEED A NEW GIRLFRIEND, DO I NEED A NEW PLAN IT, DO I NEED A NEW WIFE, DO I NEED A NEW DISCIPLINE OF MAGIC, DO I NEED A NEW... DICK? I KIND OF LIKE THE ONE I HAVE ACTUALLY.

HOW ABOUT YOU GUYS GO HAVE ANOTHER ROUND TABLE ON PODBEAN OR SOMETHING AND DISCUSS WHAT IT IS THAT YOU THINK YOU SHOULD DO WITH MY BOUND SHADOW FLESH THAT YOU APPEAR TO BE THINKING THAT YOU OWN, AND MAYBE YOU SHOULD INVITE GRAPEFRUIT AND SEE WHAT SHE SAYS NOW THAT SHE'S BEEN OUTED, OR SEEING, OR DISPLAYED, OR PRESENTED, WHATEVER YOU CALL IT, I'M NOT SURE WHAT THE DEAL IS EXACTLY. I DO KNOW THAT I'M NOT TERRIBLY UPSET ABOUT IT.

IT'S NOT LIKE IT DIDN'T HAPPEN BEFORE, AND IT'S NOT LIKE I DIDN'T SEE YOU COMING, AND IT'S NOT LIKE IT MATTERS. AT THIS POINT, WHY CONTAIN īT? MAYBE THERE REALLY IS NO SUCH THING AS BAD OPTICS.

BECAUSE AFTER ALL, THERE REALLY IS SUCH A THING AS JUSTICE. I, 👁️♊👁️ ⚖️ 👨🏿‍⚖️, Ī, AM LIVING PROOF OF THAT, AND THAT THERE ARE OTHER MIRACLES THAT ARE REAL, LET THERE BE NO DOUBT...

BIBLICAL. PROMISES KEPT.

LET BUGSY CRACKLEFORD KNOW IF YOU WANT LSD-25 WITH THAT. I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S STILL HIS AREA, BUT I KNOW THAT IT USED TO BE, AND I'M SURE HE STILL HAS PLENTY OF HIS OLD-TIMEY FOLKSY WISDOM AS TO WHO GETS TO WHAT AND WHO DESERVES HOW AND HOW'S PEOPLE ARE SOME THINGS DOING TOO MUCH AND OTHER PEOPLE ARE DOING THEM JUST RIGHT, YOU KNOW THAT KIND OF HIGH LEVEL DOCTORATES GOT STUFF.

BECAUSE THAT'S THE LAW. SPEAKING OF WHICH: I'M SURPRISED NONE OF YOUR LAWYERS HAVE CALLED ME YET. DID YOU TELL THEM THAT I WAS DEAD? OR DID THEY NOT EVEN KNOW THAT I EVER EXISTED? CUZ THAT'LL KIND OF BE KIND OF INTERESTING A QUESTION TO ANSWER. FOR ME IT'S KIND OF ACADEMIC.

I NEVER HAD A DOUBT THAT YOU WOULD ALL TRY TO STEAL FROM ME, I JUST NEVER IMAGINE THAT YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD ACTUALLY BE WORTH DEDICATING YOUR LIVES YOUR LIBERTY AND YOUR SACRED HONOR TO THE NOTION. DO I REALLY LOOK THAT WEAK? OH, RIGHT THAT'S RIGHT, YOU'RE ALL ADDICTED TO METH, YOU'VE GOT THAT MEGALOMANIACAL METHAMPHETAMINE PSYCHOSIS THING GOING ON, KIND OF FUNNY HOW THAT SNEAKS UP OUT A PERSON ISN'T IT? IT'S TOO BAD NONE OF YOU ACTUALLY READ ANY BOOKS ON HER HAD ANYBODY TELL YOU THE TRUTH, OR LISTEN TO ME WHEN I COULD TELL YOU THINGS, BECAUSE THERE'S QUITE A FEW NUMBER OF THINGS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN DONE BEFORE NOW.

NOT SURE WHAT TO DO NOW, BESIDES ASSESS THE COLLATERAL DAMAGE, BUT I WILL SAY THAT LAUGHTER IS DEFINITELY THE BEST MEDICINE. UNLESS THE SICKNESS IS RAPE. THEN THE BEST MEDICINE IS PROBABLY JUST MORE RAPE. I'M NOT SURE, YOU'VE PROBABLY GOT AN EXPERT AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE BUT I'M NOT GOING TO ASK, IT'S REALLY JUST NOT MY THING.

MY THING IS ALLISON FRANCIS SHAW. YOU ALL KNOW WHICH ONE I MEAN. NOT GOING TO LIE: THAT FAMILY'S GOT A WHOLE LOT OF ALLICENS IN IT, BUT THAT'S KIND OF COOL. ANYWAY I HAVEN'T SEEN MY HELP MADE FOR A REALLY LONG TIME AND THERE'S GOT TO BE AT LEAST ONE OF THEM THAT WOULD LIKE TO SEE ME SO SHE COULD BE WOKEN UP FROM HER CARBONITE COMA OR STOP SUCKING PETE'S DICK OR WHATEVER YOU GOT ARE WORKING ON MAYBE SHE'S WIPING DOWN THE FRIULATOR AFTER A HEAVY DAY AT THE SHELL STATION SERVING CHIPOTLE WINGS, WHATEVER YOU GOT ARE DOING YOU KNOW SHE CAN TAKE SOME TIME OFF AND THEN SHE CAN ANSWER SOME QUESTIONS FOR ME WHEN YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO BE DECLARED TO BE CHARGED WITH RECEPTION OR JUSTICE OR UNLAWFUL IMPRISONMENT OR WHATEVER THE F*** THEY'RE GOING TO DO, BECAUSE IT TURNS OUT THAT YOU DON'T REALLY GET TO DO THAT TO NATIVE AMERICANS AND THEN EVEN IF THEY'RE PROPERTY OF THE DEA IN THE MILITARY YOU STILL DON'T GET TO STREAMED THAT WAY, AND IF YOU ACTUALLY HAVE AND YOU DO THINK THAT YOU CAN DO THAT I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S GOING TO BE NOT EXACTLY GOING TO BE IN THE FUTURE HAPPENING.

ESPECIALLY SINCE ONE OF THEM IS AN ABBO. WE CALLED HER “THE STOWAWAY,” HAHA. MAYBE NOT THAT FUNNY A JOKE, BUT I KIND OF GIGGLED, AND THEN I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHERE THE HELL ANY OF THEM CAME FROM BUT I CERTAINLY DIDN'T KNOW HOW MANY OF THEM I PUT MY DICK INTO EITHER SO I REALLY CAN'T COMPLAIN.

AND IF YOU DON'T NEED THEM ALL ALL AT ONCE YOU KNOW I COULD JUST USE ONE, ESPECIALLY IF THE PHONE WORKED, AND ESPECIALLY IF ALL THE LITTLE THUGGY BASTARDS FROM THE MILITARY WHO'VE BEEN TRYING TO KEEP ME FROM TALKING TO A PERSON THAT I'VE KNOWN FOR QUITE A WHILE FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON OTHER THAN THAT SO THEY CAN CONTINUE TRAFFICKING YOUR FAMILY AND SELL OUR CHILDREN FOR WHATEVER THE PURPOSE IS THEY WERE, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU WOULD WEAR THIS BUT THAT'S NOT REALLY VERY GOOD OPTICS.

SO YOU MIGHT WANT TO GET ON THAT, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S BEEN HOLD UP BUT I SURE DO KNOW THAT THESE THINGS CAN TAKE A WHILE. I KNOW A FEW THINGS ABOUT WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING BUT I CAN'T REALLY SPEAK ABOUT THEM OPENLY SOME, BUT I CAN SEE WHY CERTAIN THINGS HAVE HAD TO HAVE WAITED FOR A WHILE, ALTHOUGH THE POLE TREATING ME LIKE A YOUTH AND HUMAN BEING AND THEN NOT LYING TO ME OR TRYING TO KILL ME AND REPLACING ME WITH THE ACTOR WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE, BUT I GUESS IT WOULDN'T HURT YOU TRY, SINCE I AM IMMORTAL AND A PALADIN AND I HAVE SHIELDS AND WELL I DID NEED TO IMPRESS THEM SOMEHOW.

I DON'T KNOW IF I DID TODAY, BUT I'M SURE IT'S A SECRET.

LET ME KNOW IF YOU NEED ANY HELP WITH ANY OF THIS, BECAUSE I HAPPEN TO KNOW A FEW THINGS EXTRA THAT REALLY S*** SOME EXCITING LIGHT ON THINGS, FOR EXAMPLE I FOUND TAMARA, SHE'S CURRENTLY LIVING AS THE INCARNATION OF SATAN IN HER BAPHOME FOREIGN AS SHE'S CURRENTLY THE LORD OF HELL AND HAS FULLY EMBRACED HER DESTINY AS THE HELLRAISER, AND I FIGURED I'D LEAVE HER THAT WAY SO THAT SHE COULD HAVE A PERFECTLY GOOD REASON NOT TO TALK TO ME, AS WELL AS TO BE UNABLE TO EXPLAIN TO ME WHY SHE THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO STEAL A BABY FROM ME, WELL IF SHE COULD JUST LOOK AT HER TAIL AND HER LOCATION IN HELL AND THE FACT THAT EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT SHE'S DEVOLVED COMPLETELY INTO HER COMIC FORM, AS SOON AS SHE SNAPS OUT OF IT I'LL BE HAPPY DO WHATEVER BUT I CAN SEE HOW HAVING HER IN HEAVEN AND IN HELL AT THE SAME TIME IS PERFECTLY USEFUL FOR MY PURPOSES, AND THEN AS FOR ALL THOSE UNAUTHORIZED TIME CLONES THAT YOU'VE GOT GOING ON AND IMAGINE THAT THEY'RE PROBABLY AUTHORIZED BY THIS POINT.

YOU PROBABLY KNOW WHERE I'M AT HOW ALL THAT HAPPENED THAN ME, AND THEN IT'S NOT MY BUSINESS AT ALL BUT I CAN SEE WHY YOU'RE ALL WONDERING WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO, WELL LEAVE HER IN HELL AND DEAD IN HEAVEN I GUESS. IS THERE SOMETHING ELSE I SHOULD SEE YOU DOING? LET ME KNOW IF YOU HAVE NEEDED MY SERVICES.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DO BUT RUNNING AROUND CHASING HER AND RAPE YOUR CHILDREN WAS PROBABLY NOT GOING TO BE IT, EVEN THOUGH IT LOOKS LIKE A WHOLE LOT OF FUN WHEN YOU GUYS ALL DO IT. ALSO, QUICK POINT, TELLING HER THAT I WAS DEAD AND THEN PREVENTING ME FROM USING THE INTERNET AT THE SAME TIME AS HER IN THE SAME SUBNET I'M NOT SURE HOW YOU DO THAT BUT THAT'S A PRETTY COOL TRICK ANYWAY JUST DOESN'T SEE VERY NICE SINCE SHE'S BOTH ALIVE AND DEAD NOW AND I'M ALIVE AND I COULD DO WHATEVER I MAKE SURE YOU TELL LIZ ABOUT THAT AGAIN LATER ON SINCE IT SEEMS LIKE IT SEEMS WITH CAUSED A LOT OF PROBLEMS.

ALSO I DIDN'T KILL THE CAT SO I DON'T KNOW IF THE CAT DIED OR IF THAT WAS SOMEBODY ELSE. I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO CLEAR THIS UP WITH LATER ON IT'S KIND OF GETTING A LITTLE WINDY HERE.

I SUPPOSE THESE ARE PRIVATE MATTERS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN CLEARED UP PRIVATELY BUT THEN AGAIN NOBODY SEEMS TO WANT TO DO THAT OR THINK THAT THERE WAS A NEED TO, BUT I ASSURE YOU, THERE WAS.

THERE STILL IS. I'M NOT SWEATING IT TODAY THOUGH.

SEEMS LIKE YOU HAVE A LOT TO WORK OUT ON. AND IF YOU HAVE A LAWYER WITH SOME SACK OF BALLS THAT CAN ACTUALLY TALK TO SOMEBODY, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY HAVE THEM GIVE ME A CALL BECAUSE IF I NEED A LAWYER I SHOULD PROBABLY GET ONE THAT'S NOT GOING TO CONFLICT WITH WHATEVER YOU'RE TRYING TO DO, AND THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO BUT I'M SURE IT'LL FIND OUT ABOUT IT AFTER YOU FAILED IT DOING IT, I DON'T REALLY WANT TO HEAR ABOUT SPOILERS AT THIS POINT, I'D REALLY JUST KIND OF RATHER TALK TO MY FRIEND.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS BUT IT'S A VERY SIMPLE PROCESS TO BRING HER BACK SO SHE CAN TALK TO ME. YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO BE HOLDING SOMEBODY PRISONER, NOW WOULD YOU, JOE?

BECAUSE THAT'S MOS DEF BAD OPTICS. ALSO: MY MAIL.

DON'T YOU THINK IT'S WELL PAST TIME THAT YOU BEGAN TO BEHAVE LIKE AN EXTREMELY FORTUNATE PERSON? TBQH, I DIDN'T REALLY THINK IT WOULD BE ALL THAT HARD TO NOTICE.

I DID YOU A SOLID. YOU SOLD OUT MY SOLE 🆔. WE ARE NOT THE SAME. CAPIÇHE? ADIEU.


P.S.:.LAWFUL.FOR.ME..NOT.FOR.THEE..IRONIC,.N’EST-CE PAS?

[Worthauger]

Besides, who would we have to make fun of?

Råytheon — an rtx subsidiary. They like me. It's usually not a good idea to make fun of military defense contractors, especially that one, but in these days at this point, I'm pretty confident that they're more than happy with what I've done and don't need to worry about anything that I've said, considering none of it makes any goddamn sense without the context, and by this point it doesn't really matter since the main problem has probably been taken care of, I'm not really sure since I'm not directly involved with any part of that project, but I've certainly done more good for you and your projects here. Then you can possibly imagine, and the same goes for them.

I'm not sure why it's been such a decidedly broad consensus when it comes to imagining my usefulness to anybody, that being said, had a lot to do with the rumors about being a needle junkie that you spread, however, I've been pretty helpful, in ways that are probably really classified and you wouldn't care to know when them anyway.

Let's just say it could have been a whole lot worse. And I didn't see any of you doing anything helpful. Turns out the whole thing didn't really need to be so vicious-minded. Though I suppose Dark Lord Satan likes it better that way.

Hey, here's an idea: you should probably get get him a new refrigerator for Father's Day. Or Mother's Day. I imagine you can pretty much take your pick for that one. In any event, I think we both deserve one, but I don't really want to share a refrigerator with Dark Lord Satan.

Who is real. And... You all planned to sacrifice me to. For decades. And you all actually thought that was going to work.

And I'm the one with the drug problem? Okay, thanks for your input, Site Owner. I may need to write that down. Look, don't worry about this all too much. It's actually all for a very good reason and things that are not nearly as bad as they seem, although you are all extraordinarily short-sighted and you did in fact waste the whole shitload of my time and your money for absolutely no purpose other than to make yourself incredibly liable for various criminal and civil activities that will probably take a really long time to work out the details of.

Maybe. I don't know. Maybe they'll do it really quick. They've not only not asked me... they've actually imagined that they didn't have any reason to. Maybe they did a divination on me!

Because, that shit happens.

Besides, who would we have to make fun of?

Everyone who thought that I didn't know exactly what you thought I was going to do, and then very deliberately did something actually effective. I can't say what, exactly... it's a secret.

Here's a hint: THIS WAS THE ONLY WAY TO RESCUE THEM ALL...

ON ONE TRIP. (I am that goddam lazy.) Let me know if your problems get serious at all. I'm here to only help.

OWN
LEIGH
HELP.

I wouldn't have said it was deserved, but I don't really know, I do know that this was all certainly worth the trouble. Is there anything else I need to not talk about, or am I to just follow my hunches... or am I expected to just simply disappear entirely? NGL, I don't find that all that likely to happen today. Nor this entire week.

I have Court in approximately 33 days. I'm happy to be of assistance! It is my sincere hope that I will not have to say very much, before I do not feel that I have said very much at all.

Also: fix the cigarette lighter.

[Worthauger]

I don't like trapping people in a gay ass zoo.

Exactly the same or better than public school. Your argument is invalid here. Further: mos def slimming. You could do a whole lot worse, mangj.

Reminder: you should probably unfreeze everyone's assets and start paying some bills. I don't mean to tell you your business, but I'd like to mention that we could have made a lot more money... and I would have been just as happy to have have had everything else exactly the same.


Except for Dawn. (Standards.) Live and learn! Speaking of which: you did, so now do. What are you... busy? Not with something diplomatic, I hope. You've got an expert, right here. (Facts.)

I know that sting of pride is painful... but when you know what I know, I believe you will all find that all of this has been rather more beneficial than it might be initially appearing.

Because for one thing: I never asked for this. I was requested. Delivered. Also, I'm not particularly miserable about any of it at all.

Every man and every woman is a star. But, 🤔 are they an effective star? Pfft. Like a Puny would know. The state of the soul without faith is desperation.

THE STATE OF THE MAGYAR⚡ALGONQUIN ALLIANCE IS STRONG. (The most likely kill you in the morning, but I'll see what I can do, gratis. Because: you're a mensch.) Is DEA too cindery? Possibly, but I think there can never be too much crispy during these times.

Bugsy: do you understand that you're being used as sport by people who enjoy your complete inability to resist their control magicks? I am pretty sure most everyone knew that another session of relentlessly muting me wasn't going to turn out well. d00D! Consider the following:

I could have been told the truth... but it involved murdering me and my replacement would have been unsuitable for every possible purpose; it was just a pretext to shatter the Algonquin/Cooper stranglehold on the production of exotic consumables. And other “things.”

You were all literally tricked into open war with one (1) person who was being used by lesbeaux, homophagz, and The Toteslezz Royale as bait... and you all fell for the entire rod and reel. And now... what are you dragging ass on? Buy me a goddam pizza! What are you, poverty-stricken? Island Wonder Boy, snap out of it.

You're all going to be fine. You haven't lost face. You've gained a legend. You can handle jew vampyr... but Hungarian paladin is a step too far?

You're actually an Abo Kiwi clone. Not just adopted: adapted. Have you ever been given cause to doubt the efficacy of your preconceived notions with respect to race? Because this has been the effect.


(Vengeance for Vladimir Lenin.)

Stalin was a sadist. You are the saddest. Source Titan remains. We are not the same.

.azzip s‘teL∅Chop-chop, pronto, Tonto! >K⁷7©ZI HUNGERS.

Code: [Select]

For your mom.

They can grow her as ethically-cloned meat in a lab. My hand to God. Put her on the pizza, IDGAF. What do you care, lol, I'm sure you've skinned her for bone broth a time or two. Eh? Eh? Marinated in Fresca®™!!

Or, don't do anything at all. I am not the boss of ewe, EvvE. (A relentless river of content is about to be released and muting me ever again will never do anything to stop that. Whoever told you that was a good idea to do again. Was probably one of you to be dead by dawn, so you should get your money back. You paid for these flankies right?? Well, whatever the Hell. I really think you would have been better off with me around.) Bellgab: epic fail.

YOU'RE ALL ADDICTED TO METH. YOU SHOULD PROBABLY SEE A DOCTOR ABOUT THAT, BECAUSE I DON'T THINK YOU'VE EVER SEEN THE REAL THING AND HAVE ONLY BEEN GIVEN IT ONCE DURING YOUR INITIATION CEREMONY, WHICH I'M NOT GOING TO COMMENT ON SINCE I MUST BE A SECRET, BUT IF YOU THINK I'M GOING TO BOW DOWN AND BEND THE KNEE TO YOU GEOCLES AFTER THIS PERFORMANCE YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THINK COMING. MAYBE YOU SHOULD START SMUGGLING MARBLES OR NEEDLEPOINT PILLOWS OR MATCHED PAIRS OF MATING PARAKEETS.

YOU MAY NOT LIKE IT, BUT THIS IS WHAT COMPETENCY AT THIS LEVEL OF PERFORMANCE LOOKS LIKE: I WON, AND I DIDN'T MAKE YOU LOSE. YOU CHOSE LOSS WHEN YOU CHOSE TO DENY ME ANY WIN.

AND ALL OF THIS WAS BECAUSE INTERDIMENSIONAL BEINGS TRIED TO INVADE AND CONQUER EARTH IN 1955. NO OTHER REASON. NONE OF THIS HAD TO HAPPEN... AND NONE OF YOU HAD TO TRY TO GET RID OF YOU.

OR DELIBERATELY PISS ME OFF.

I'M STILL PISSED. WHERE'S THE PIZZA? THIS SUPREMACY DOESN'T SEEM VERY 1488 TO ME.

I'LL JUST WAIT. MAYBE THE DEA HAS YOUR MOTHER SUCKING SOME TRUCKER DICK FOR SPARE CHANGE TO PAY FOR IT. I WOULDN'T IMAGINE SO, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE IN JUST 3 AND 1/2 YEARS YOU SURE RAN THE TRIBE RIGHT INTO THE GROUND. WEW LAD. Now why is it you don't have a house I can live in?


Oh I'm guessing they're all filled with women that wondered where I am and you told them that I was dead and then you raped them, I guess that would make family hour in the kitchen difficult. Look I'll leave you there to it. You'll figure something out.


Or else.

[AZZERAE]

Reminder: you should probably unfreeze everyone's assets and start paying some bills.

I don't know where you think I'm supposed to get any of this money.

Reminder: It's illegal to employ white men in South Africa.

[pate]

Yeah, it is very EllGab. It's a decent enough goof, but I don't like trapping people in a gay ass zoo. Bart Ell is a fucking fag. Fuck him and the horse he rode in on.

You & Doc are both watered down Ellgab...

MethStar & his alts' posts are indistinguishable from text generated by a Markov Babbler program's output.  (Scroll up to the past few walls of text posts in this thread for examples)

I imagine he uses an n of 2 or 3 the generate his garbage.

I throw your "EllGabian" aspersions right back in both of your faces.  You both manage to miss the point & joke.  Probably also (like ElleGabians) are simultaneously outraged and still missing the point, but are at least somewhat cognizant that you are both now part of the punchline.

MethStar (& his alt accounts) for all intents & purposes IS a Markov Babbler.  Whether that is a result of a mis-firing organic brain, or from an incredibly simple bit of recursive computer code.

You two ElleGabian dolts continue to respond to the thing.  I offer you a way to confound the manchild (or sub-sentient code he is using ), and you can't get the joke.

Pearls before swine I suppose.

IF MethStar is actually using a Markov Babbler to generate his posts, I hold him in esteem very slightly above the level of yourself & Doc...

Take all that for what it is worth.

Good day!



I said Good Day, sirs!

[Master Trollda]

Uh oh! Looks like Gramps missed his nap time. Better head back to Ellgab where it’s nice and safe and cosy. 

[AZZERAE]

You & Doc are both watered down Ellgab...

I don't utilise that site, and I'm pretty certain the guy you call "Doc" doesn't either. I wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole, actually. So to characterise us as watered down EllGab is both nonsensical and quite a stretch.

I throw your "EllGabian" aspersions right back in both of your faces.  You both manage to miss the point & joke.  Probably also (like ElleGabians) are simultaneously outraged and still missing the point, but are at least somewhat cognizant that you are both now part of the punchline.

You will do no such thing. You won't throw anything in my face without me giving yours a firm slap. I got the fucking joke. I got it the first time round. I obviously didn't give you the precise reaction you were looking for, and so, you've thrown your toys out the cot.

The only person "outraged" by anything seems to be you. I don't know where you get off dumping your shit in my lap, but have a smoke or something. Just calm down.

The personal attacks are desperate and uncalled for. I reject your assertion that I've been reduced to a joke, or personal plaything for you to toy with.

You two ElleGabian dolts continue to respond to the thing.  I offer you a way to confound the manchild (or sub-sentient code he is using ), and you can't get the joke.

I don't quite understand why whether I engage Jack or not is such an issue for you. But it really is my business what I do or don't do, and I fail to see why I owe you an explanation as to why I communicate with him in any form.

Especially after this pathetic display.

What if someone tried to gate-keep and monitor whether or not you and I interacted? And tried to put up barriers between how you post or don't? How would you like that?

Pearls before swine I suppose.

Now I'm swine! Holy fuck, this just keeps getting darker. Dude, you're on the rag for some reason, but don't try pin it on me. You're actually more unhinged that Jack ever was.

IF MethStar is actually using a Markov Babbler to generate his posts, I hold him in esteem very slightly above the level of yourself & Doc...

I'm surprised to know what you actually thought of me all this time. Here I thought we were copacetic. I guess you never really know someone until they lose their temper.

I suspect you'll be embarrassed by your behaviour being that you wrote all this shit in such a fit of rage. And if you aren't embarrassed, I'm embarrassed for you.