You get what you pay for ... or ask for.
ATTENTION BELLGAB:
BAIL MY FRIEND'S SOULMATE OUT OF THE COWLITZ COUNTY JAIL. THE BAIL IS FIVE (5) GRAND. I—OF COURSE—WOULD JUST SIMPLY JUST PAY IT—TOTES—BUT IN ADDITION TO GIVING UP THE MONEY, SOMEONE WITH “A JOB” HAS TO COSIGN. (MASSIVE FUCKING ROLLEYES.)
HEY, FU-FUCK-ROT-OH(s), YOU BETTER HAVE A FUCKING JOB BY NOW. I—OF COURSE—DO NOT HAVE A JOB. I ALREADY CALLED AND TOLD THEM, “HEY, I HAPPEN TO HAVE $5,000 IN COLD HARD CASH AND ABSOLUTELY NO EMPLOYMENT HISTORY THAT ANYONE WILL EVER, EVER FUCKING BELIEVE, WILL YOU LET MY FRIEND’S “FRIEND” OUT FROM THE HOLE? HE'S THE THIRD HEROIN ADDICT ON THE LEFT; I'M SURE YOU CAN'T MISTAKE HIM, HE SOUNDS LIKE A REAL LIVE ONE. OH, YOU WON'T? OKAY I'LL CALL BACK LATER.” *click*(
Actual verbatim transcript. Don't try this at home, Kids; get a burner number and park out by the dead end railroad tracks to make the call... you'll be glad you did.)
DON'T START WITH A GOFUNDME. JUST F****** MAKE IT F****** HAPPEN. I'M WARNING TELLING YOU: I CAN FEEL LIKE SOMEONE'S GOING TO START TRAVELING TRIFLING WITH ME AGAIN ANY MINUTE, AND THIS WILL KEEP ME TOTALLY BUSY.
LIKE, COMPLETELY, UTTERLY, TOTALLY BUSY. FOR REAL. F’REAL.
TRUST ME, BELLGAB. YOU KNOW ME, BELLGAB. AND, BELIEVE ME, BELLGAB... YOU WANT TO KEEP ME BUSY. YOU ACTUALLY DO. YOU SO ACTUALLY DO.
I'M JUST SITTING HERE IN THE ECONOLODGE, IMMEDIATELY ROLLING OUT OF BED EVERY GODDAM MORNING AND CRACKING A FRESH CIDER. NO ONE BUT ME WANTS THAT, RIGHT?
RITE. SEE ABOVE, RE: “MAKE IT HAPPEN.” DON'T TRY. DO IT.
DO IT.
ASSHOL— *click*
