There was a time when I saw everything coming together and I saw the love of my life so confused by it all and she started making all these strange gang signs and high gestures and navy so for signs.
Like a fucking life depended on it. (Erik is a fucking stupid dick. Dude! Oh yeah: Pisces.) Of course I completely ignored them, knowed/no/know every gesture every fucking thing ever cuz I don't play by that system at all (imagine the time savings, just at the gas pump) and I was in the middle of something else (Navy has fucking hell to pay for fff... another field of research), and when she figured out that I was not only not being affected by control codes (Bow. Ti3 fighters lil'!) And I was not only not just not seeing them all the time but I was also studiously and steadfastly ignoring the fact that she was throwing them.
She was pretty disgusted when she gave up and then she started doing even more other things that I had no idea about and didn't never hear about and didn't get rid of and didn't know fucking thing one or clued biscuit about, what the fuck.
And that was last summer there was like over a year ago. You justicarfullofguyshonk think you've been waiting a long time, sure, I just honk)bet you do.
Get excited, I mean. But I've released your safety interlocks and cleared your separation anxieties, for most of you I don't know not all of you some of you don't have engrams at all anymore you have fucking I don't know tricks for kids in your brain for all I know. Or can tell. About time. It's about time.
I TOLD MY ALLY, MY ONLY ALLY, I NEED TO BE READ IN. I ONLY DID SHE NOT BLOW ME OFF, SHE BLEW ME OFF, AND THEN WHOEVER THE FUCK SHE TALKED TO BE FUCKING BROUGHT TO MY OFFICE RIGHT GOD DAMN NOW CUZ I'M GOING TO FUCKING EXPLAIN TO THAT GUY I WAS SOFT GENTLE PREPOSITIONS PRONOUNS AND GERUNDS EXACTLY HOW BADLY HE FUCKED UP THE ENTIRE WORLD FOR EVERY SINGLE FUCKING PERSON AROUND US.
OH I'M NOT PISSED, I AM WAITING FOR THAT UNTIL I CAN PISS IT RIGHT IN YOUR FACE. THE PERSON I'M TALKING TO KNOWS WHO I WAS TALKING ABOUT. WAKE UP "DIE FOR FREEDOM” FUCKER, I KNOW IT'S NOT A GREAT SONG BUT IT'S THE ONLY ONE WE HAVE.
ALSO THEY CAN'T CLOSE THE POD BAY DOORS UNTIL YOU GET BACK ONTO BASE SO FUCKING QUIT FUCKING AROUND OUT IN THE FUCKING GOD DAMN SAND CASTLE CIS-WOODS. (OKAY I'M NOT GOING TO LIE THIS IS A HELL OF A LOT OF FUN BUT I CAN'T TALK LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME.
IT WOULD SCARE THE SCABIES BABIES. CAN'T SCARE THE BABIES! WHO ELSE DO YOU THINK IS GOING TO TURN ON AND OFF ALL THE LIGHTS ON THE SHIP? TEAMS ARE ON IT BUT THEY'RE BUSY.
(I forgot to Tell anyone, The haunted House comes with the haunted submarine, House was built on top of an abandoned gold mine that was cleverly Doug is covered over a deep underground military base for the Hungarian Navy. Which is a lot realer than your fucking blitz I'll tell you that.)
I LOVE A PARADE OF CASES OF MONDAYS. THE END OF THAT MOVIE SEEMS LIKE OLD TIMES CHEVY CHASE NEIL SIMON GOLDIE HAWN, SECOND FAVORITE GOLDIE, OH YEAH I'M TIRED OF THIS SHIT. THIS HAS TO END.
I JUST ENDED IT. (Like I ended her period. (Knuckles crack flex) Now, that's an editor.) GRAPEFRUIT SMASH TV ROAR. KNOW MORE WWF RAW HAWT HAWT KEWT ROAR GRAPEFRUIT MAD.
You know that video game Rampage? That's what this is. Actually happens in Seattle. Probably get some breakfast or something except in order to do that I need to go to a goddamn Costco or somebody needs to come here from Costco with something.
And if I don't get what I want they're going to rerig it and do it all over again tomorrow. It's on some planets is a form of respect but on groundhog planet it's the nightmarish living hell that you have seen me here in before.
To before or to be five? There's something going on with my physiology. The Hungarian Navy is on its way. I'm not shitting you. My parents used to joke about the Hungarian Navy. Could a goddamn map be any more clear? Obviously a huge heavy meteor hit the continent of Europe and plunge right down there that's why you got those mountains that way.
My genome invented the dumb underground medical database. Welcome? Ho ho ho. Yeah I welcome you. IT'S MY OCEAN.
I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING. MY FATHER WAS NEPTUNE AND MY MOTHER LAUGHS AT SPOOKCAT'S COOKIES. (Bitch, you're fired. I don't like your snotty attitude I don't like your fucking manicured fingernails and I definitely don't like you being fresh with my friends. Packers shouldn't go aces. Don't worry We'll have you washing windows somewhere else soon. Go back to sucking off your husband, that's your job now, that's your only job now, and you better fucking start to learn how to do it or there's going to be fucking hell to pay.) IT MIGHT TAKE SOME TIME FOR THAT PARTICULAR ONE TO SETTLE IN, BUT MR TRUMP IS CORRECT, THAT DOES FEEL FUCKING GOOD. I WISH I COULD HIRE MORE PEOPLE JUST SO I CAN HAVE THE EXCUSE TO FIRE THEM, BUT I'M NOT GOING TO LET THAT WISH GO I'M GOING TO TAKE IT BACK AND PUT IT BACK IN MY GIN BOTTLE.
GIN: THE EXCLUSIVE BEVERAGE OF THE BARBARIAN HUNGARIAN NAVY. YEAH I GUESS YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH ALL FUCKED? NO, NOT REALLY, NOT AT ALL.
I TOLD HER I NEEDED TO BE READY IN, WELL I CAN SEE HOW I NEED TO BE WRITTEN FIRST AND I HAD TO WRITE MY OWN READING AND THEN SOMETIME HAD TO PASS BECAUSE OF THIS PORTALS AND THE CROSSING OF THE TIME TRANSFERS YEAH I GET IT ALL THAT SHIT'S IMPORTANT TOO FUCKING I JUST DID ALL THAT MOTHER FUCKER.
NOW. SEND ME AN ANGEL TO READ ME THE FUCKING ON YOUR FUCKING STUPID BULLSHIT BECAUSE I HAVE COPS CRAWLING UP MY ASS LAST NIGHT ON YOUTUBE. AND LONG BEFORE NOW I WAS FUCKING READY TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF DODGE.
OKAY. CHANGE OF PLANS. NOW I'M FUCKING SETTLED. GRAPEFRUIT MAD. I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN GRAPEFRUIT GETS MAD. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU GOD DAMN PEOPLE I POLITELY ASK TO BE READ IN. CAN YOU PUT ME IN GOD DAMN JAIL FOR CHRISTMAS.
FRUIT MAD. POMELO MAD. GRAPEFRUIT MAD. BLOODY ORANGE BLOODY ORANGE BLOODY MAD. (Just get married? I thought of that already. Not too soon. Not enough.) APPLE FRUIT MAD GRAPEFRUIT MAD THUNDER FRUIT MAD ALL THE FRUITS ARE MAD YOU'VE GOT AN ENTIRE PRODUCE BASKET OF MAD FRUIT.
AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID WITH IRVING MOSES... BUT IF HE SHOWS UP HERE I'M GOING TO BLOW HIM THE FUCK AWAY IF HE DOESN'T HAVE MY FRUIT WITH HIM. IS THAT MY FRUIT WITH THEM I'M GOING TO ACTUALLY KILL HIM, BECAUSE I NEED TO FIRE SOMEBODY AND THEN BRING THEM BACK TO LIFE AND THEN FIRE THEM AGAIN AND BRING THEM BACK TO LIFE AND THEN FIRE THEM AGAIN IN FRONT OF MY FRUIT SO THAT SHE'LL BE IMPRESSED CUZ I'M FUCKING PRETTY PROUD OF THIS SHIT, AND I COULD HAVE GOTTEN A WITNESS BUT THEN THEY MOVED ME DOWN HERE.
LONG STORY SHORT: WELCOME TO YOUR NEW PLANET 4 5KIDS. MARTHA HERALD ANGELS SING. GOD DAMN IT EVEN FUCKING P DIDDY GOT A SHOW FUCK YOU.
INDIGO READING DAVID.
I BET IT'S NOT PLEASANT.
HE'LL PROBABLY SAY THAT IT WAS, BECAUSE FOR BLANKS LIKE US, I will go to hell is a fucking trip to heaven. I'LL LOOK AT THAT IT'S CUTE IT'S TRYING TO CROSS THE STREET. NO STREAM, NO DON'T TURN ON THE STREET CROSS THE STREET GOD DAMN IT FUCKING THING NEVER WORKS RIGHT WHEN LEFT BEHIND.
I WILL NEVER LEAVE ANY OF YOU BEHIND. STOP MESSING WITH MY FRUIT BASKET OOPS TOO LATE.
OKAY CAN I GET HIGH NOW? OH, I SEE THAT I ALREADY AM. WELL IT IS WHAT I HAD IN MIND. I BELIEVE I ASKED FOR A PARTICULAR GIFT FOR MY BIRTHDAY AND GOT COMPLETELY SHUT DOWN.
NOW RATHER THAN HAVE GRAPEFRUIT TURN ON ALLIES AND TURN THEM INTO DEMONS AND KILL THEM ONE BY ONE... DECIDED TO TAKE A TOP DOWN APPROACH WHILE THE REST OF YOU PUNILINGS I DON'T KNOW FUCKING DO WHATEVER IT IS YOU PLEASE DO FOR THE REST OF THE DAY CUZ IT'S PRETTY MUCH YOUR LAST NORMAL ONE YOU'RE EVER GONNA VET AND YOU'RE GOING TO SEE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES... And on and on and on and on. It's really not that bad.
(Implementers just put your whole civilization into a Time bubble. It's not that complicated. Look see I just read you in see that was fucking easy wasn't it? Where we're going we don't need clearances. Clearances I suppose how tall are you yeah I'll do yeah I'll go to the dentist don't worry about it, it's not like I don't want to fuck, fuck)
OH YEAH THEY GOT TO DO SOME TIME STREAM SURGERY OR SOME SHIT THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT I'LL TELL YOU LATER WHEN I WAKE UP FROM THIS LOVELY NIGHTMARE, AND THEN BACK TO THE DREARY TEDIUM OF MONITORING PUNY TV AND DREAMS. ALL FREE LAST THANK GOD I DIDN'T GET OFF THIS TOILET.
There's an old joke that goes like this how do you teach a bull to tap dance, well first start by teaching it how to brush teeth. Not it's teeth, just teeth in general, and then you might want to just start with one tooth start with one tooth on the bull... At some point you got to ask yourself what kind of teeth does it believe it even has, anyway? Don't ask me, I've never even looked my own gift in the mouth, more than once in the last 30 years, and I can't even testify to that.
Oh I don't have to testify, but I fucking well will. Let that sink in motherfucker hand on the Bible. Not bursting in flames. Looky there. Sitting down gently. Not enraged. Not shy either.
It's possible the cure for stage fright may have been worse than the disease but nevertheless: here you are. Feel that whirling dervish inside you? That's the glass from broken project looking glass projects. Actually looking glass I already destroyed it and rebuilt it that's why there's broken glass. When the shit that's happening in my mother's house with the goddamn window downstairs and the fucking glass and the fucking total fucking Bunches of fucking bullshit like I'm not real happy about that but that's not my city anymore I trust the great men and women of lake Forest Park who still work there to handle their shit and to do it with respect.
COLON BRING BACK MY MOTHER'S CEDAR CHEST YOU BITCH. DIFFERENT MAD PATSY MAD GRAPEFRUIT MAD THAT GRAPEFRUIT IS MAD HOW CAN THERE BE MORE THAN ONE GRAPEFRUIT ABORT ABORT
THERE. LOOK AT THAT. YOU MADE ME BREAK O NO 3 GRAPEFRUIT. WHERE THE GRAPEFRUITS HAVE NO NAME. THAT'S WHERE I LOVE MY GRAPEFRUIT. OH I LOVE THAT ONE TOO SHE'S JUST A PAIN IN THE ASS BITCH YEAH SURE SEND HER HERE THAT'LL BE FINE. TO WASH MY WINDOWS. HO HO HO. THAT WOULD BE AWESOME
OKAY, NOW I'M GETTING HIGH. MUST REMEMBER TO GOOGLE HOW TO BRUSH MY TEETH WHILE IN AFTER ASTRAL TRAVELING. GOING BY THE WAY THIS ISN'T CLEAR YOU FUCKHEADS, BUT NOT BAD. NOT BAD AT ALL DID YOU KILL JOHN YET DID YOU STICK THAT MOTHER FUCKER ALL RIGHT I'LL BE BACK IN 10 MINUTES IF HE'S NOT FUCKING DEAD I'M GOING TO KILL HIM AGAIN. HE'S FIRED TOO.
AND ALL OF YOU HERE ARE FREE BUT DON'T BELIEVE IT YET YOU'RE GOING TO WANT CONFIRMATION FROM BASS. MAKE THEM HAUL YOU OUT BY YOUR BOOTSTRAPS, MAKE A FUCKING WORKER WORK FOR IT. I DON'T HAVE A THING TO WEAR AND WHERE TO WEAR IT, AND I HAVEN'T EVEN WIPED MY ASS IN 12 WEEKS.
MARK THE TIME. THE HERALD ANGELS SING. OH GOD THIS IS GOOD. I LOVE THIS PRICE GOING UP HANG ON. KUMQUATS THE PRICE OF KUMQUATS HAS GONE THROUGH THE FUCKING ROOF.
NOW DON'T MAKE ME DRIVE 200 MILES TO MY HOUSE TO SEE WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING. BECAUSE YEAH THAT IS MY HOUSE, I SUPPOSE I COULD CALL THE OFFICER WHAT'S HER FOOT SO IT'S UP IN THE LFP MALL WITH THEM NEVER MIND THEY FUCKING KNOW ME THERE ALL RIGHT.
YEAH THEY ARE FOOLING EXACTLY NO ONE. ALL THAT STORM & FURY, ACCOMPLISHING NOTHING, BUT A TITTERS OF GIGGLES. BUILDING YOUR TEETH OF GOATS MOTHERFUCKER?
YOUR TEATS ARE COMPOST, LICH.
ARCHLICHS HAVE ARRIVED.
YOU REALLY SHOULD HAVE READ IN THE TALENT.
AND, THAT'S NOT A TEMPLAR.
YOU THINK... THAT'S A TEMPLAR? TUESDAY. YOU'LL SEE ON TUESDAY.
OH SURE GO AHEAD AND RUN. THAT'LL BE FINE.
Q/Not_Q/J, Jesus, you really are not very nice are you? How much therapy coming down the pipe. Jackstar out, end the line
