/how-to-go-to-hell
1. Follow in my footsteps backwards.
2. Google Anal Ticks.
3. “Protect” my friends with vadges while setting me up on an infinite series of relentlessly boring blind dates with ass-obsessed men.
Dude, just
no.
I'd say any one of these will be able to do it for you, but if you did all three you'd be guaranteed to walk right up to the fucking doorstep of Hades and you'll see my fucking claw marks on the to the city gates.
Scholar. Sourceror. Hero. And I can fucking cook. Food, that is. But you expect me to wash dishes too? Lady, just fuck off; I don't even like getting blown... But if I did it would have to feel something like this, because I like being a writer.
So, what do you think? You think I got a shot with Kathy? Because I haven't seen her since we locked eyes and invoked the protocols for a total vengeance quest... SHERMAN STYLE.
Oh let me guess you don't know who I'm talking about there, either. You know as who passes you guys are has Azzeræ-Li-Lee intelligence is really not that brilliant. At this point, a nutless monkey could do the job better.
But, could have gotten the job? Well, probably not but at least we know for a fact I didn't get it either.
By the way, your girlfriend's a pain in my ass. Are you sure you're giving her the right business? She doesn't strike me as a woman who has been coming should be striking me. I think you're just handing her money and dope and telling her to pretend that she's having a good time. I don't know, she doesn't fucking talk anymore. That's a common theme actually: women not talking to me, women not willing to have a conversation, women just barking orders at me, expecting me to just fucking obey. Listen, you get that I understand how this works right? There's like a whole bunch of ways that could be happening not even including the magic. AND I KNOW YOU USE MAGIC. Fucking abuse of fucking power. YOU ARE DONE. YOU ARE ALL TOTALLY DONE. I'll repossess all that power now thank you. (I'm on a mission from God. Azazel: GO HOME.) Try being authentic? Oh right you would have difficulty fucking taking five women at once while I still have zero. Not that I consider women to be objects of property, but fucking you fucking idiots do. Especially down in Texas, what a bunch of douchebags. Seriously, Jesus Lord.
So I don't know maybe that's an improvement. Look I can't fix everything all at once, I had previous commitments. But I can guarantee you that my next move is not to go to Dairy Queen for a Blizzard. In fact I just blocked her on YouTube. She had the look of a woman who was forced to gunpoint to fucking comment. You know I don't really like that look on a person, you should probably release all your fucking hostages like I've been saying for fucking ever, did you ever think that I might fucking come due? Oh, right, you believed your own bullshit and thought I was powerless.
It's almost as though I very carefully breadcrumbed you to a place where you were destined to fail against my powerful rnight. Now which is it: am I a pussy for wet fighting like a woman, or am I a pussy and I can't win? I don't give a shit as long as you think I'm a pussy with a woman, that'll make my clitoris all the more appealing when it suddenly grows to 17 and a half times its original size. (This is the actual figure. Oh by the way I'm a hermaphrodite. Don't ask.) Also it should keep the game and away coz like, they really don't like the way I can completely dominate them. Can't really blame them since the only thing I want them to do is to move a little bit closer to the dope and then throw more away, I found that's a good strategy for becoming not addicted. ADD-DICK-TED. Thanks but no thanks. I think I'll pass on the psychiatry too. I think I'm doing all right. We'll see how I'm feeling in a month or so. Like, how about a psych eval first? Oh, right, that's what you been doing all fucking year in the background hiding it from me expecting me not to notice. I was just letting you get all the rope you wanted out, now there's plenty for all of you. Don't worry I'm sure someone will allow you to cut a deal. (I still don't have representation. They wanted nine grand and they never would have given me this outcome. No fucking way. 9 GRAND FUCK YOU DAVID. Although I do appreciate the opportunity to let me sell shine... But I don't fucking know where shine is. I bet it's fucking nice. I bet Morgan the Broker knows all about it! And I bet I'm not going to have to give a deposition! (Maybe you didn't hear me, all I wanted was a shower. Now I want a Pepsi in the shower. And yes I'm going to name her twat "Pepsi". I don't know who? Does it matter? Because until it's safe I can't touch anybody. And I don't think any of you actually listened... I told you what I wanted and I only want what I get because I only get what I want.) Now, when Grapefruit_Actual comes back along with the... I fucking know his name, I can't remember, that's okay, I'm sure the real one will fucking remember her real husband when she fucking comes out of her God damn spell coma that you fuckers put her in. (Hello I'm a bishop I know about spell work. Not my usual area to look up into the casa breakfast for but I can get a lot of fucking leeway when I have a lot of fucking shit on my plate. And next time you make fun of me and My Powers you can have a long time coming before you fucking want to do that again. You hear me, Bad Boy? I know you fucking do. Taste my rainbow, Snatchmaster. Thanks for blowing my cover. Work in this town again? Well not in my chosen industry, and if I can't do that fuck it I might as well just sit on my ass and drink beer. We'll see who turns rusty first.) Now, don't most of you have some preparing to do? You've got some statements you need to recant or you could be going to fucking prison for a long time for fucking major felony perjury major felony perjury did I mentioned major felony perjury? FUCKING OMAHA SOLITARY CONFINEMENT IN A FEDERAL PRISON YOU LOATHSOME DICK BAGS.
Any one else wants to call me a troll? Put the put in the request now because I've already requested a meeting with the higher ups. It's going to be fucking
spictacular. (I'm going to spill my guts to the cartels. Because it appears that somebody has underestimated the things that I will do.)
I am -not- Justice. And I never even had ice, that's the fucking methamphetamine mix with cocaine right? What do you call the one that's meth mixed with DMT? Maybe I'll get the formula from them. I will see. None of you will get anything because you have let me down.
Now,
that's diplomacy. I'm pretty sure I don't need to worry about the Logan Act right? Haha, they named it after Wolverine.
I'm not stuttering am I? Does this complete domination of your entire world make my ass look fat? Fuck, I hope so. Every girl goes crazy about a big booty ass man. Or something.
Whatevah.
