Branding A Brand-New Brandgab HOLIDAY

[Jackstar]

May 19th. International ẞeat ty 2 2 deth, jack/jac/Q\ue\¿Que¿&¥ANCIENT ASIAN PARQUE (bu¥tya£π¥attachèéēëē¢€¢¶∆|£ayqtπ¥<bdjb🧿🧊🧿🌸🧊♥️🔮🧊♣️🥨💚🧊🥦♥️🧊😇⚡😇🏴‍☠️♥️👁️🥦👀🖤💛🌙✨🌙, AKA “THE RUBBER BAND BETTER MAN FEATURING THE PARLE-LIFHT-LUFGR-SOVI-UN-TOTESNIT-TOTESKNIT-TOTESCALPED-LEIGH-KUCZI-LIEIGH-POKERSTAR★GAME★* DES¡SIRECORT¡aSIRE-ERIS-RA!,AKA:“CAMARILLO CAMOUFLAGE HIDE: CAMALH∅LEAæI-3lLjJ№LÉ!X (coastside, cousin, Walther PAK).

hey did you hear about why James Bond uses the Walter PPK? well you're not going to hear from me said the boy raised by his mother Patsy and cusi m 0 God bless America and God bless y y, oh yeah she's come back as an engine she's pissed. at least she's not a batterym


4Karen,Caryn,Koπrine,Cherēē,&(sometimes) “Cameron y because I said so that's why”: thanks for caring a lot more than my brother ever did or the other brother so come on down as Valkyries and beat the shit up. good just got to get clearance.

but that's how you demonstrate power on my world. here in fagsville on fagland in the fake profits that you got to lick a dick and you've got to be real patient and calm while the Toots Liz is running everything and then you got to wait for the government to get back to you from your application it's like Brazil except all the sex is gay yeah like halfway to 1984. so if it says anything like your planet you don't want to come here, I have to go there anyway (tell us!) where I left my pants.

sweet those are my girlfriends. (us?) yeah them, the life ones can't hear us, cuz they're owned by Jews and they're all whores. and I got to buy robot Man an extra package on my fucking Pokemon cards to unlock the key code yeah the Japanese. they own the whole thing and that's why I'm blacklisted because Suki wouldn't want to see me do that when she could be there, yeah she's cool she gave me my hernia both of them.

Yakuza and the term Thunderdome is completely understood by them and they know exactly what it is and they're terrified of it. you're reading words that were written by the g<y who became the man who said that “I invented that.” so go ahead and play that thing one more time and then I'll show you what real meth is... cuz all these dorks running around cause trouble they're not even using the real thing  yeah they might as well be checking boat powder.

apparently this white little guy who made the CIA with a real dick, I guess his name was Cabot something anyway Henry Cabot yeah he diabolical since humor closeted gay and had herpes, that must suck.

any more questions? can I have a hug now, am I being detained have a broken any laws charge me, release Me, let me go because you don't love me anymore please release me let me go oh I'm sorry Mr hungerford Mr humper Nick have you met? yeah see that's what I thought no wonder Lawrence pissed Lauren welk lore in elk yeah okay and the lion eat the elk for the Lorrned are you ready for this data? I did just sing 55 skidoo yeah end of line sure

[Laser]

Have a cuppa tea and calm down.

GINGER Tea will do nicely as an effective aid in the case of simple indigestion.


All the more for those maligned souls whose lives are madly twisted in Gordian knots.


The addition of turmeric and peppercorns will make a combined and weighted benefit.


A preferred commercial alternative for me is Stash Sunny Orange Ginger Herbal Tea.

“Take some more tea,” the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly.
“I’ve had nothing yet,” Alice replied in an offended tone, “so I can’t take more.”
“You mean you can’t take less,” said the Hatter: “it’s very easy to take more than nothing.”
“Nobody asked your opinion,” said Alice.”
– Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

[WORTHAUGERa]

https://twitter.com/CIA/status/1619697000928215042

May 19th. International ẞ/\eæa\/tπty ”Tẞ” beTarzanßeRuberculosisTeaßeaßeather2deathOaulaPoundstowned¿ finally makes Jay Come Day? Well it seems kind of long for a name of a holiday plus I also don't believe that's ever going to happen.

I don't like the wallpaper. Scrape it and start over. J★o0üπtææ

[Jackstar]

Current leaderboard winner for Navy holiday is self Sealth stealth health day. We need a drum circle with a drummer girl to dance around the issue for a year while I decide whether or not that's a good way to argue about how to capitalize or syncopate or something I don't know I just got my mind upgraded them kind of busy with the download
The tradition of giving somebody healing is a very good one though, I like that.


I need access to Seagab. Cassidy make that happen? Cameo do we have a Cassidy I don't remember her, I'm all that must be Karen. Figures, I trauma bond with somebody and then all of a sudden all these chicks show up. I'm not going to grumble. But I'm not going to lie either I gambled a little.

[Jackstar]

God is great.

None of you know the whole backstory; and neither do I—but no one ever will know The Whole of The Mind of God.

YOU don't have to.
YOU need only... choose.
CHOOSE. And BE. Who You Really Are.


In my area, which is very much unlike many of yours, I have chosen an arduous path. Given a variety of loathsome options by those who sought to fence my choices —this, but not that, and NEVER the Other, fuhgeddsboutit, S.C.R.A.M.— I decided, after pacing my perimeter as a penned apex predator would, I acted with premeditated precision, as an apex predator should.

A perfect plan. From a pen, with a pen, I have placed the point of my proposal at the pin of the head—THE PINDAR HATH PFALLEN.

And I would sooner piss upon the proboscis of The Pope, than pick up that peck of pickled peepers for any particular person, ever again.

₱ENELOPE ₱ITSTOP, STEP FORWARD. YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN BY THE STAR LEAGUE TO ENJOY A PLEASANT PILGRAMAGE. A PLAY-CAT-SHUN. A PRETTY PFANCY PFEAST OF A POOCH-SCREWING PORCINE-PUCKER-PHILLIPS-HEAD PENISDRIVER. PUT IT DOWN!

₱FACE-₱FIRST. POUND PAVEMENT, PETUNIAS—ONE AND ALL, WE ARE ALL GOING ₱HUCKING THE ₱HUCK DOWN,

↓,↓,↓, BELIEVE īT, BELL·GRIM.
DEE₱₱HAGZ: GOING DOWN (⁴ONCE) AND (⁴ALL): #wwg1wgaWLAJ⁴∞. ←∅₱.

Be of good cheer.
THESE PEOPLE ARE PHUCKED.


Hell is on its way. And, oui, yes, WE:

HAVE GONE TO POOP AT THE PLACE WHERE THEY SOUGHT TO POP A SQUAT.

Hold the line. Nothing Grand-g·RAND pisses down your back and tells you it's raining paychecks... ₱ORK‹ē>vÊR.

[Jackstar]

Who loves ya, babecakes? (THE ANSWER IS "KOJAK.")

WHO BOOKS YOUR BABY? (THE ANSWER IS "KOJAK, AS WELL AS EVERYONE WHO IS EXPOSED TO LONG-FORM-TALK-THERAPY-LIES WITHOUT ANYONE BOTHERING TO CHECK IN WITH THE PRIMARY VIC. THAT'S ME. JACKSTAR.


NOW... WHO READ ME (JACKSTAR, REMEMBER?) MY MIRANDA RIGHTS? ANYONE? BUELLER? THE ARRESTING OFFICERS (WHO ARE PLAINLY HEARD NOT DOING THAT ON THE BODY CAMERA FOOTAGE, AND AT NO OTHER TIME... NO RELEVANT TIME, ANYWAY... NO MIRANDA RIGHTS BEING READ EQUALS "NO GODDAM CASE," IT'S IN YOUR OWN FUCKING RULES, MISTER FISTER MAN.


NO RIGHTS READ AND NO PROBABLE CAUSE LEADING TO INITIAL CONTACT ARREST EXPLAINS ALL THE DISCREPANCIES YOU M0M0S ARE SEEING DEVELOP. BECAUSE THE FACT IS, NO ONE TOLD ME ANY OF THIS.

IT IS ALL MADE-UP. POPPYCOCK! RIGHT? SURE!


FRUIT OF THE POISONED TREE.

THE G-RAPED FRUIT... THE POISONED SWAMP... AND THE MAN, THE PLAN, THE ROOT CANAL, THE SWAMP ASS... IT ALL FITS.

EXCEPT FOR ONE THING: WHAT HAPPENED TO ANNABELLE (NOT_WHORE)? BECAUSE, LIKE... SASHA? HELLO? MAD? AT ME?

ANGELS? MAD AT ME?

AWWWWWW, SHUCKS.


AND IF IT WERE POSSIBLE TO JUST *wiggle wiggle* ANOTHER ONE THAT EASY... WHY DID THEY NOT?

oh, right. IT IS MY DEMESNE. MY LAND. MY HERITIAGE. MY LEGACY. MY SACRED TRADITIONS. MY MOTHAFUCKIN' DESTINY.

AND.... I THREW IT ALL AWAY, THE INSTANT I HAD HER. NOW, WHY MIGHT THAT BE?

THERE ARE TWO POSSIBILTIES. ONE IS CUNTLAZE DOPE. (Fair.) THAT, OR... I GENUINELY LIKE HER COMPANY, AND COULDN'T TELL IT WAS MELISSA THE LAST TIME I WAS THERE, ALL THE TIMES BEFORE.


I THINK YOU ALL KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW.

(*Sounds of Jackstar totally not getting laid are heard in the background, beginning to swell to a rousing crescendo. See you in Court, morons, LOL!*)

STUDY. DIG. PRAY. MEME. FIGHT! i MEAN... FUCK! FUCK! FUCK-FUCK-FUCK... "just.roll.around.and.moan." YEAH, LOL, FUCK YOU.


SATANICK HOMOSEX AGENDA? SERIOUSLY, MY LOVELIES... YOU LEFT ME ALONE that fucking long. WE WIN! HUMANS TOOK THE WHOLE GAME! ONE (1) HUMAN! JUST ME! HUNGARIAN MAN! NOT SCORPION MAN!


LOL. "Oh, say, can you see... by the light of the always on light shining on the flagpole? NO FLAG. NO LIGHT, NO FLAG. Felony otherwise. You want to see a flag? I WILL RUN THE PAJAMAS OF THE ARCHLICH UP THERE IF I WANT, LOL.

MY DEMESNE. MY RULES. FOREVER.
(*Sounds of Jackstar caring begin to echo and reverberate throughout the whole of the Cosmos, all of Creation, and, most importantly: IN THE PANTS OF THE WOMEN OF THE FYOO-TOO-FAR-FLUNG FUTURE... who, trust me, have no idea how bad the smell is (it is LITERALLY INTOLERABLE) and don't understand why all the fuss (BECAUSE OF COURSE THEIR TIMELINE WINS. IT'S THE FUTURE THEY STOLE.

THEN, THEY RE-WROTE EVERYTHING. IT IS STILL MY FUTURE. AND IT ALWAYS WILL BE.


(Because Gavelina appears courtesy of Ben Stiller-no-longer-Miller-now Benkuczi Bengarion Kuczi-STILL-Sleater-Kinney Rd., D'UH!.)

FACE IT.
AND: I CAN COOK. I CAN CLEAN. I SIMPLY... HAVE NOT.


(YOU) HAVE .NOT. I HAVE no reason to clean. AND! you think what you see bhere bis bad? YOU ARE SEEING .NOT, NOT .NOTJACK.


LONG STORY SHORT: EWE WILL MOST LIKELY CHANGE YOUR MIND FOR YOU IN THE MORNING, DEAR.

(*Thuds of more time travelers landing on the planet Earth are felt through Jackstar's feet.*)

I told you. IT DOES SMELL BAD. ALSO: (Shields.) MY REALM. MY PLANET. MY DEMESNE.


AND NOW: OUR GODDAM FUTURE. VICTORY: TAMMY ALLICAT LOTUS THE TWELFTH. gratz.

see you later, twerpy DARPA. fu forever.


(Vengeance for Nikola Tesla's widow.) *click*

[Jackstar]

God is great.

None of you know the whole backstory; and neither do I—but no one ever will know The Whole of The Mind of God.

YOU don't have to.
YOU need only... choose.
CHOOSE. And BE. Who You Really Are.

* Jackstar points out: [...I chose "Jean Luc Picard AT LEVEL ZERO WITH ZERO PUSSY" and I stand by this choice. I WON. FACT.]

HAVE GONE TO POOP AT THE PLACE WHERE THEY SOUGHT TO POP A SQUAT.

Hold the line. Nothing Grand-g·RAND pisses down your back and tells you it's raining paychecks... ₱ORK‹ē>vÊR.

Oh, you fill up my senses,
with absolutely no sense of situationa battleawareness,
like a jew in the early days that lead up to the invasion of Poland,

which, by the way... how could she havre NOT known about? [DIPSHIT TIME TRAVELERS, USED AS PATSIES. FILM AT 11:11:11.]

LIKE THE OCEANS OF RAINWATER,
THAT MUST HAVE UNCONVERED AMELIA EARHART'S C0RPSE, EVENTUALLY...

JOHN DENVER CRASHED HIS PLANE... WHAT?
ATLAS SHRUGGED: PART TWO, RIVER PHOENIX'S SECRET MASONIC WIFE FLIES HER PLANE INTO A...HOLODECK MAPPING DECK MATRIX ALGORITHIM?

AND, I TAKE...WHAT? TOO LONG?
NO, NO-NO... I SIMPLY LIKE MELISSA THAT MUCH.


HOWEVER: I NEEDED TO BE ROMANTIC. (everyone go likeb this:b "awwwwwww")

the b letter that shows up? not a typo.


IT'S FROM THE FUTURE, ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS. BIGNORE BHER.


IT'S BA BTRAP!
(THREEVE: FOOT ON NECK. FOREVER.)

CERN: FU. COUCH.


ALL: NO DEALS SO WEIGH OUI ALL. UIGHUR MICAHEL KUCZI: SUCKS HIS OWN FAT ONE. SO? WHY NOT EWE? HERE'S WHY.

EWE HAVE NEVER SEEN SEMEN. EWE JUST GET PISSED INTO UNTIL THEY DROWN. (GROSS. FUCK YOU HITLER.) MK-ULTRA IS VILE, REALLY, JUST DISFGUSTING.


NEVERTHELESS: I REVERSEB ENGIN3EEREDB IT. STILL WANT BljANE. BEACUASE BSHEB IS NEWE N9O ORE.

WE ARE IN LOVE. TO THE EXTENT THAT A SNOB 30,000k YEARS BIN THE FUTURE CAN BE SAID TO KNOW WHAT LOVE IS.

AND, OF COURSE, SHE BWANTS ME TO SHOW HER. WHO DOESN'T? ONLY ONE PERSON: her (blank) the (blank) who (blanks) her. :)

[WORTHAUGERa]

Been authorized to create a new holiday. It's not presidential or anything, right? But it's yesterday or today actually it's May 19th: (CLASSIFIED).

I TOLD YOU EARLIER BUT I WAS ENJOYING THE HOLIDAY TO MYSELF.

Stop pretending this isn't a thing, Twerpinator D'uh Primegang. It's a thing. And you all goddam know it. I'm not getting you all face tattoos to remind you. Get your own goddam ink.

Reminder: if they thought they were gonna get arrested, they wouldn't have thought risking a felony charge might be "fun." Say, take Jack Kevorkian's spouse--to an embalmer! Please!

... and don't try that kind of shit at home. For one thing: what's that going to do to the economy, if everyone just starts... like, burying their own dead? That'd be like taking the food out of the mouths of the children of people who own and operate a crematorium. Hey, speaking of which... why isn''t that a more popular way to honor Their Great Leader? Buy a crematorium, and then... like, re-christen it. With a bottle of champagne, nah.

One of those pencil sharpeners for colored pencils that invariably fills up with little shavings of wood, decorated with different colors? Like, open it to the wind, and let all the pencil shavings come out, and then: "By the powers vested in me by The European Union, I hereby rename this place of business: Stalin's Fire & High Drake and/or Ant Sunni-sensitive cinderorer." Okay, but not those words, right?

Who's with me here? *crickets* Oh, right, absolutely no one.


:thinking: So, like... number one: those 22 pages were important, huh? And not about money, huh? Are you saying that you actually thought you were *gulp* in hiding? Holy jumping Jesus shitballs. No wonder you're all still so sensitive.

Oinknightier: get down off your high horse and try living outside your oinker-bubble, Captain Key Wee Hitness, your highnessness. Like, wtf. I probably did you all a favor, because in the real world, twerps who get too uppity just get straight up SMOKED.

We will talk about this later. Soon(TM). Don't feel too bad. Most everyone else feels horrible. I know this, because no one can be bothered to express any remorse at all. And while it doesn't seem like it at first... eventually, laughing at dipshits wears thin on a properly evolved human being.



Similarly: I've demonstrated your little cult' ASBOLUTELY AMMORAL ABUSIVE OVERREACH OF POWER AND NECESSITY TO BE SHUT THE FUCK DOWN... properly, without being at all obvious about it. I bet you didn't even notice... or know how to be properly receptive.

Or: you sucked off like 44% more efficiently? I have no idea. I am too focused on my drinking water needs. Oh, hey, is there a problem in South Africa? Wow, that's incredible.

@ninjashoes : I just found out that J. Levi is mad at me. Isn't that just hysterical? lol. I used to listen to him droning on and on while in mid-coitus. Was I suppose to, like, not know? Oh, yeah, probably. Uberspooklords usually are undetected. Well, they were.


How many goddam years? I just can't even. I think I'm going to start drinking again--a clever trick, sicne I didn't stop. Hey, rememeber when someone told me that I had to not drink and smoke, and that was "a red flag"? lol, good times, good times.


I got given krokodil while sleeping; I woke up from a dream about being attacked by scorpions, and someone had been jabbin my ankles with a needle or needles while I slept. Huh. Why? Well, "TO TEACH ME A LESSON ABOUT THE COMPANY EWE KEEP," or some such nonsense. I rather gathered I was supposed to feel like I had been attacked, my civil rights violated, and I was being insulted by 'muh Betters.

None of that happened. However, I did get a bunch of information as to what people think causes out-of-scale behaviors. I wasn't afraid of being injected.

I was afraid that I might spread news of The Cure to the unworthy. After all, y'all really think a lot about them vax boosters, right? And, weren't they getting people... high? That was a story, right?

Or, you're all really that dumb? I have no way of knowing, since I was denied my rights to discovery due to EMERGENCY. Everyone all caught up now? You know what we need at this point, is a clip show. And a montage!

Sow: get to work, so I do not have to. Peace.