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[WORTHAUGERa]

[Jackstar]

I'm watching the one where Worf has to confiscate Data's sidearm and promise to take care of Spot. This about kills me.

You must talk to him. Tell him he's a pretty cat. And a good cat.”

 

Captain Houston, we have a problem, I'm literally dying over here—and, can you see my sides? I think they're in orbit.

Over the moon.

[WORTHAUGERa]

I'm pretty sure all of all y'all missed the dinner bell.

[Jackstar]

Critical sub-component located.  I found out yesterday, but I didn't want to spoil your birthday.  So I didn't mention it.

Here: I got you this microphone. *shove" It's dangerous to go alone, someone might shiv you in the hole where your rib used to be. So use it to, like, you know—call for help.

Call for help. *REEEEE*

[Laser]

I'm pretty sure all of all y'all missed the dinner bell.

You would never miss a good gorgefest.

[WORTHAUGERa]

You would never miss a good gorgefest.

Objection: Doom Wednesday.

[WORTHAUGERa]

Objection: Doom Wednesday.

Over the moon.

Hey, diddle-diddle.

[WORTHAUGERa]

Remember: IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE.

p.s. you are weck-come you are weck-come you are weck-come you are weck-come

[WORTHAUGERa]

[WORTHAUGERa]

Make fun of death. We are as dead as it gets, and we are fully aware of this joyous experience. We are with you every time you allow it. We are in every singing bird and in every joyful child. We are part of every delicious pulsing in your environment. We are not dead, and neither will you ever be! You will just get up, one day, and get out of the movie.

Excerpted from Boulder, CO on 6/11/05

[WORTHAUGERa]

The Magick In Broadcasting Content DElivery & Flower Gifting ¡H¡ NetworK

Oh, I get it now. No wonder the dust bunnies were such a... legendary problem.

You People should not be so hard on yourselves. Nobody thinks alike. Everybody makes mistakes. Great minds think alike. Hey, wait a minute...

If I have seen far with my research corpus, it is because I have climbed to the top of this mountain of corpses of people who had clearly spent a lot of time accidentally killing themselves in a series of unfortunate SWIMming, sailing, and/or boating accidents. Oh, the Humanity.

I guess they must have lost all their guns too, but I didn't find any of those. Dammit

[WORTHAUGERa]

If I have seen far with my research corpus

This about kills me. “...If???” Sides totes in orbit

[Laser]

ATTENTION BELLGAB:

BAIL MY FRIEND'S SOULMATE OUT OF THE COWLITZ COUNTY JAIL. THE BAIL IS FIVE (5) GRAND. I—OF COURSE—WOULD JUST SIMPLY JUST PAY IT—TOTES—BUT IN ADDITION TO GIVING UP THE MONEY, SOMEONE WITH “A JOB” HAS TO COSIGN. (MASSIVE FUCKING ROLLEYES.)

HEY, FU-FUCK-ROT-OH(s), YOU BETTER HAVE A FUCKING JOB BY NOW. I—OF COURSE—DO NOT HAVE A JOB. I ALREADY CALLED AND TOLD THEM, “HEY, I HAPPEN TO HAVE $5,000 IN COLD HARD CASH AND ABSOLUTELY NO EMPLOYMENT HISTORY THAT ANYONE WILL EVER, EVER FUCKING BELIEVE, WILL YOU LET MY FRIEND’S “FRIEND” OUT FROM THE HOLE? HE'S THE THIRD HEROIN ADDICT ON THE LEFT; I'M SURE YOU CAN'T MISTAKE HIM, HE SOUNDS LIKE A REAL LIVE ONE. OH, YOU WON'T? OKAY I'LL CALL BACK LATER.” *click*

(Actual verbatim transcript. Don't try this at home, Kids; get a burner number and park out by the dead end railroad tracks to make the call... you'll be glad you did.)

DON'T START WITH A GOFUNDME. JUST F****** MAKE IT F****** HAPPEN. I'M WARNING TELLING YOU: I CAN FEEL LIKE SOMEONE'S GOING TO START TRAVELING TRIFLING WITH ME AGAIN ANY MINUTE, AND THIS WILL KEEP ME TOTALLY BUSY.

LIKE, COMPLETELY, UTTERLY, TOTALLY BUSY. FOR REAL. F’REAL.

TRUST ME, BELLGAB. YOU KNOW ME, BELLGAB. AND, BELIEVE ME, BELLGAB... YOU WANT TO KEEP ME BUSY. YOU ACTUALLY DO. YOU SO ACTUALLY DO.

I'M JUST SITTING HERE IN THE ECONOLODGE, IMMEDIATELY ROLLING OUT OF BED EVERY GODDAM MORNING AND CRACKING A FRESH CIDER. NO ONE BUT ME WANTS THAT, RIGHT?

RITE. SEE ABOVE, RE: “MAKE IT HAPPEN.” DON'T TRY. DO IT.

DO IT.

ASSHOL— *click*

Sounds like the old Bail-Out-a-Friend scam, Jack. Some reprobate may be trying to take advantage of your good heart. Just carry on being the indolent libertine you were always meant to be.

Oh BTW, your fontery effontery effrontery is most malicious and frankly painful.

[Master Trollda]

What’s Bellgab?

[WORTHAUGERa]

Some reprobate may be trying to take advantage of your good heart.

Oh BTW, your fontery effontery effrontery is most malicious and frankly painful.

1) It is interesting that you would sense malice.
2) Life is pain, Princess.

What’s Bellgab?

Oh, nothing special. Go back to sleep.